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Audiobook8 hours
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Written by John M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver
Narrated by John Allen Nelson
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
4/5
()
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About this audiobook
Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making marriage work.
Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Gottman has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage:
-Maintain a love map
-Foster fondness and admiration
-Turn toward instead of away
-Accept influence
-Solve solvable conflicts
-Cope with conflicts you can't resolve
-Create shared meaning
Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for any couple who wants their relationship to realize its highest potential.
Gottman has scientifically analyzed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behavior that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples to focus on one another and pay attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Gottman has culled seven principles essential to the success of any marriage:
-Maintain a love map
-Foster fondness and admiration
-Turn toward instead of away
-Accept influence
-Solve solvable conflicts
-Cope with conflicts you can't resolve
-Create shared meaning
Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr. Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for any couple who wants their relationship to realize its highest potential.
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Reviews for The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Rating: 4.06839639245283 out of 5 stars
4/5
212 ratings14 reviews
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Probably best to read this rather than listen. There are many exercises to do alone or with a spouse and when listening to the narrator say the same things over and over as he reads off the exercise, it can get a little annoying. But it was a very valuable listen. will definitely look into purchasing a copy so I can revisit the exercises as I need them
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Very relevant. Thanks
Exercises not meant for audio reading. - Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5The first 2 or 3 chapters contain the findings of the "Lovelap." which is what I consider somewhat new information on marriage.
Also helpful is the activities proposed for couples to practice.
And then...the rest of the book says the same thing other marriage books says.
I don't know why I expected something different. That's on me I guess. - Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Both helpful now and helpful as a set of resources to return to in the future, as it is very practically oriented towards structuring questions, reflection, and conversation in helpful ways.
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5I guess I deserve what I get for buying a book that promises to save my marriage when saving my marriage is most assuredly not what I'm trying to do, but all the obvious stuff about getting along and not having contempt for one another that's in here seems to presume that everyone has a lot more good faith and is also just a lot more bumblingly terrible at conducting human relationships than I actually believe to be the case. Like, not that we have bad faith, per se, but it's just not as goddamn simple as "Ohhhhhh, no contempt! Eureka!" I think the detailed lists of questions to ask your "partner" or whatever and exercises to build bonds (providing you opportunities to "make a bid," in Gottman parlance, for your opposite number's affection) are fine and all, though the sad catch-22 of broken-down relationships is that the more you need to do stuff to shore up your bond, the less willingness to do so you probably have--but then also in addition to that, they are certainly not exercises made for people with small children, because who's got the time.Ah, but why am I yelling at you, John Gottman. You're not even real.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5I was hoping to be struck by lightning with this book. My marriage is pretty solid but I could always use improving in the relationship department (who couldn't?). So I was a little worried when the first piece of advice sounded something like this, and I'm paraphrasing: if you can accommodate each other's "crazy" side and handle it with caring, affection and respect, your marriage can thrive. Talk about a duh moment. Of course ANY relationship is going to benefit from caring, affection and respect. The advice gets better and as a result I do see my relationship differently. If I had had more time with the book I would have tried some of the quizzes and exercises. Maybe next time.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Whether you are newlywed, long married, or just about 7 years like I am, this is a hugely useful book for looking closely at your marriage and seeing how it can work better for the both of you, and assuring what you're doing right. I think this would be helpful too for singles who hope someday to be married, and get a head start on how to establish a successful marriage. I like that the information provided is research-based as well.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Lots of great advice, however I would not recommend the audio. There are many lists and they read through all of them.
- Rating: 3 out of 5 stars3/5Gottman's seven principles are common sense; however, he shows why so many couples fail to implement these very basic principles. I found the many exercises to be helpful. The book doesn't give all the answers, but it can be a starting block to successful marriages for many couples who are worried about their relationship. But you have to do the exercises and you have to allow time to work with your relationship. The principles are not quick fixes.
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5This book is not very inspiring and does not give very practical marriage advice.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Straight talk from the greatest American researcher on marriage. Dr. Gottman brings both experience and science to bear on what separates great relationships from poor ones. It also includes a number of great exercises for you and your partner.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Although I am a divorce lawyer, I consider myself more successful if my client gets back together and fires me. For any client interested in giving it another try, I always recommend this book first. It’s simple, research based, and there are work books and videos to help.If you are considering a marriage counselor, they better know Gottman’s extensive works well.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Everyone who is married or even thinking about being married should have this book.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty," he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply."Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen