We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter
Written by Celeste Headlee
Narrated by Celeste Headlee
4.5/5
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About this audiobook
“WE NEED TO TALK.”
They are, perhaps, the most dreaded four words in the English language. But in her timely, insightful, and wonderfully practical audiobook, We Need to Talk, Celeste Headlee—who earns a living by talking on the airwaves of National Public Radio—makes the case that they are urgently needed.
Today most of us communicate from behind electronic screens, and studies show that Americans feel less connected and more divided than ever before. The blame for some of this disconnect can be attributed to our political landscape, but the erosion of our conversational skills as a society lies with us as individuals.
And the only way forward, says Headlee, is to start talking to each other. In We Need to Talk, she outlines the strategies that have made her a better conversationalist—and offers simple tools that can improve anyone’s communication. For example:
- BE THERE OR GO ELSEWHERE. Human beings are incapable of multitasking, and this is especially true of tasks that involve language. Think you can type up a few emails while on a business call, or hold a conversation with your child while texting your spouse? Think again.
- CHECK YOUR BIAS. The belief that your intelligence protects you from erroneous assumptions can end up making you more vulnerable to them. We all have blind spots that affect the way we view others. Check your bias before you judge someone else.
- HIDE YOUR PHONE. Don’t just put down your phone, put it away. New research suggests that the mere presence of a cell phone can negatively impact the quality of a conversation.
Whether you’re struggling to communicate with your kid’s teacher at school, an employee at work, or the people you love the most—Headlee offers smart strategies that can help us all have conversations that matter.
Celeste Headlee
Celeste Headlee is an internationally recognized journalist and radio host, professional speaker and author of bestselling book We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter, and Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving. Her latest is Speaking of Race: Why Everyone Needs to Talk About Racism and How to Do It. Her TEDx Talk, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation, has been viewed over 26 million times. In her 20-year career in public radio, Celeste has been the Executive Producer of On Second Thought at Georgia Public Broadcasting and anchored programs including Tell Me More, Talk of the Nation, Here and Now, All Things Considered, and Weekend Edition. She also served as co-host of the national morning news show, The Takeaway, from PRI and WNYC, and anchored presidential coverage in 2012 for PBS World Channel. Celeste is a regular guest host on NPR and American Public Media. She is the host of Newsweek’s “Debate” podcast, and hosts a podcast for the National Gallery of Art called “Sound Thoughts on Art.” She is also the host of “Women Amplified,” a podcast from the Conferences for Women, the largest network of women’s conferences in the nation, drawing more than 50,000 people to its annual events. Celeste is also the president and CEO of Headway DEI, a non-profit that works to bring racial justice and equity to journalism and media through targeted training and interventions. She is the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still, known as the Dean of Black American Composers and she is a trained operatic soprano. She lives in the DC area with her rescue dog, Samus.
More audiobooks from Celeste Headlee
It Starts with Self-Compassion: A Practical Road Map Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Speaking of Race: Why Everybody Needs to Talk About Racism—and How to Do It Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
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Reviews for We Need to Talk
176 ratings17 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Journalist and radio host Celeste Headlee, in her well-organized and nicely researched work of non-fiction, "We Need to Talk," suggests that too many of us do not listen attentively or communicate effectively. In an age of instant messaging, surfing the Web, Facebook, and email, how often do we have more than a cursory chat with our relatives, friends, neighbors, and colleagues? Although superficial exchanges are the stuff of everyday life, there are instances when hearing what someone else has to say and conveying what you think and feel can be significant. The words you speak and how you express yourself matter when, for example, you meet with your employer about an important work-related issue, discuss a health problem with your medical practitioner, or try to comfort someone who is bereaved. In her introduction, the author relates the tragic story of a plane that crashed, partly because a first officer was too timid to convince his captain that they should delay takeoff because of dangerous icing conditions. Seventy-eight people perished.
Furthermore, Headlee believes that "our world has become so fractured by politics and distracted by technology that having a meaningful conversation can become a challenge." Too often we become irritated when others express contrary opinions. Civility, respect, and tact may go out the window when people get on their soapboxes. In "We Need to Talk," the author offers excellent strategies for improving the quality of our verbal interactions. She touches on such techniques as avoiding distractions; empathizing; acknowledging that we all have biases; disagreeing without becoming disagreeable; getting to the point rather than going off on long-winded tangents; staying in the moment; postponing a conversation gracefully when you are exhausted or out of sorts; admitting that you are wrong and that you don't know all the answers; and listening with an open mind.
This book, based on a well-received TED talk, is breezy, intimate, honest (the author admits her mistakes and tells us what she learned from them), and includes relevant and lively anecdotes that nicely illustrate Headlee's points. Alas, nothing will bring back the lost art of letter-writing--and what a shame that is--but perhaps this well-written and entertaining book will help restore civil dialogue which, these days, appears to be on the brink of extinction. Let's put away our electronic devices and, as Headlee advises, "go talk to someone. Better yet, go listen to someone. People will surprise you."1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A good book, many examples that we are not aware of doing every second of our life
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Basic. Un-revelatory. Communication is definitely lacking, in the US and elsewhere. A life as a radio host and degrees in music did not prepare the author for very in depth, nuanced insight on what to do about it
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I think everyone in the world should listen to this book. Especially in our current climate, I learned so many strategies to help me communicate better, be a better listener and understand other people’s positions.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5The part that highlights the importance of active listening , gives you a perspective easy to understand and implement, on Mindfulness and her tips on having a successful conversation ( go prepared, with objective in mind,don’t think when the other person is talking but listen, be genuine , brevity,you can disagree and yet have a good talk, consensus is not necessary always etc)
The author’ s writing style and rich personal experience and empathy is well conveyed and makes for enjoyable reading.
Thanks for writing on the subject. - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Very practical, direct, and easily applicable advice! I I love it!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Informative and enjoyable book that has inspired me to become a better listener and conversationalist.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I’ve learned a lot from this audiobook
Thank you so much. - Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5This book sucks... It seems to be more of a biography of the author who worked as a radio or TV host, than it is about any self-improvement or communication techniques...
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Loved it. So informative. It’s so true all of the details about conversations and this day and are and
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5I really needed it. It’s neither about social media nor about your news consumption nor about conversation methods. It’s about relationships and how to make them better. Thank you!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Definitely reminded me to listen more and less phone distractions while talking to others.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5That was fabulous! I was thoroughly engrossed from beginning to end. There's a lot here that makes so much sense, but I'd never *really* thought of it before. I feel like I identified so many of my own flaws in how I converse with others...I'm such a jerk! This has definitely rewired the way I experience and value interactions with other people and will hopefully influence me to become a better friend, family member, and colleague to all those I encounter. Bonus: the audio is superb! Short and sweet--I was hooked and tore through it swiftly. Thanks, Gina, for bringing this to my attention!!
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5My rating would be higher but for the "Mark Twain", rambling, story-telling writing style. Not written in classroom, textbook style, but at a very personal level by the author. Most of the good advice is near the end of the book.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Read this for the podcasting and blogging. Finished this today at work (and then moved on to MAUS by Art Spiegelman); this was a good helpful lesson on how to do conversations better. I saw this in the new non-fiction at the Hershey Library and picked it up, thinking about how it'll help for the podcasting and the blogging. About how I come across on the podcasts, and how I might do future interviews for the blog.
There is a lot of really good, helpful information in this, not just on how to talk and act in conversations, but how to listen, when/how to interact with the person you are conversing with, and all around better ways to emphasize and listen and be nicer to those we might not have anything in common with.
This isn't so much about your everyday conversations you have, but how to have more meaningful, impactful conversations at other times. This isn't meant for small talk with co-workers when passing in the hallway, but much more in-depth conversations you might have with someone at the bar, or on a first date, etc.
Its a breeze of a read, and written very informally and on a person-to-person like level. You can tell that Celeste Headlee does interviews for a living, as this reads as her doing her side of an interview basically. Fun, witty, intelligent, and very interesting and educating, this is a great read for anyone who wants to get better at talking with people, at listening to people, and who have any kind of job that requires communication (ie. all jobs). - Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5If you read this you may have better conversations.
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5We need to talk, Celeste Headlee tells us, we need to have conversations that matter.Do we ever?!I don’t set myself apart from anyone else in our broad American culture; I’m as much at fault as anyone else. I think we all know that we need to do better. Headlee has done some research about good conversations and she shares some important ideas here. I’m trying to practice these:*Keep it short. The average attention span when a person is engaged in a task, like a conversation, has dropped from three minutes in 2004 to 59.5 seconds in 2014. *A conversation isn’t a monologue. “Conversation is a game of catch,” Headlee says, “both parties want to play.”*”Think about solutions instead of focusing only on what you don’t like.”*”Be willing to let the other person win.”*Ask open-ended questions.*Stay out of the weeks; avoid too much detail and too much unnecessary information.*Don’t respond to stories of loss and struggle with stories of your own experiences. Instead, try to ask questions that encourage the other person to continue.