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    Resilience: How to cope when everything around you keeps changing
    Resilience: How to cope when everything around you keeps changing
    Resilience: How to cope when everything around you keeps changing
    Ebook217 pages2 hours

    Resilience: How to cope when everything around you keeps changing

    By Liggy Webb

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    About this ebook

    BOUNCE BACK FROM WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU

    Stressful situations are a fact of life. Job insecurity, financial burden, relationship doubt are all too familiar. Some people approach them with confidence and poise, facing change and challenges head on. Others back away slowly into a corner and become quivering wrecks at the mere thought of them. So what is it that makes some people cope with these adverse situations so well? It’s not about what is happening to you, but how you react to it. It’s about your resilience.

    Happiness guru Liggy Webb is here to help us all find positivity and inner strength to cope with stressful situations. Arming you with a personal toolkit to handle day to day challenges, and providing strategies for thriving in uncertain times Liggy shows you how to increase your ‘bouncibility’ and bounce back from whatever negative things life throws at you.

    • Timely topic with governments across the world promoting happiness on the one hand and dealing with vast economic uncertainty and austerity on the other

    • Easy to digest, anecdotal and practical guide with lots of common sense advice

    • Contains timely examples and tips tailored for coping with difficult times

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherWiley
    Release dateJan 29, 2013
    ISBN9780857083845

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      Book preview

      Resilience - Liggy Webb

      Title page

      Cover design: Binary & The Brain

      © 2013 Liggy Webb

      Registered office

      Capstone Publishing Ltd. (A Wiley Company), John Wiley and Sons Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, United Kingdom

      For details of our global editorial offices, for customer services and for information about how to apply for permission to reuse the copyright material in this book please see our website at www.wiley.com.

      The right of the author to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, except as permitted by the UK Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, without the prior permission of the publisher.

      Wiley publishes in a variety of print and electronic formats and by print-on-demand. Some material included with standard print versions of this book may not be included in e-books or in print-on-demand. If this book refers to media such as a CD or DVD that is not included in the version you purchased, you may download this material at http://booksupport.wiley.com. For more information about Wiley products, visit www.wiley.com.

      Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademark or registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publisher and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book.

      Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with the respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. It is sold on the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering professional services and neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. If professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Webb, Liggy.

       Resilience : how to cope when everything around you keeps changing / Liggy Webb.

      1 online resource.

       Includes index.

       Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.

       ISBN 978-0-85708-417-0 (pdf) – ISBN 978-0-85708-384-5 (epub) – ISBN 978-0-85708-386-9 (mobi) – ISBN 978-0-85708-387-6 (pbk.) 1. Resilience (Personality trait). 2. Adjustment (Psychology) 3. Change (Psychology) I. Title.

       BF698.35.R47

       155.2'4–dc23

      2012049066

      A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

      ISBN 978–0-857–08387–6 (paperback) ISBN 978–0-857–08386–9 (ebk)

      ISBN 978–0-857–08384–5 (ebk) ISBN 978–0-857–08417–0 (ebk)

      This book is dedicated to friendship

      Thank you to the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom

      It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

      The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

      For those who have had to fight for it, life has truly a flavour the protected shall never know.

      From a speech given by Theodore Roosevelt on the 23 April 1910, at the Sorbonne in Paris

      An Introduction to Resilience

      Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

      Confucius

      Have you ever felt sometimes as if you would like to stop the world and get off for a while, just to have a little rest, recover and make sense of it all? In the increasingly demanding and changing world that we live in, it is so easy sometimes to become overwhelmed and feel as if you are sinking.

      At some point, everyone experiences varying degrees of setbacks. Some of these challenges might be relatively minor and others may have a major impact. How you deal with these problems can play a major part in the ultimate outcome and also your long-term psychological well-being.

      Resilient people are able to utilize their skills and strengths to cope and recover from the knockbacks and challenges, which could well include illness, job loss, financial problems, natural disasters, relationship break-ups or the death of someone you love.

      If you lack resilience you may become overwhelmed by these experiences and simply fall apart. You may find yourself dwelling on your problems and using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with the pain and heartache.

      It would be fair to say that some individuals do indeed have personality traits that help them remain calm in the face of adversity. Others may well react more emotionally and dramatically. We will, of course, all react differently to trauma and stress in our lives. Some people take a more stoic approach and keep their feelings hidden; others may become more expressive and emotional. Different personalities tend to process information in a variety of ways and your reaction will be part of your coping mechanism.

      The key, however, is the end result. It isn’t necessarily a question of how far you fall, but how high you can bounce back; sometimes, maybe, even bigger, better and stronger as a result of the experience.

      Like the boomerang on the cover of the book, you show true resilience by returning from each experience relatively unscathed and ready to face positively the next challenge that life may throw your way.

      What you need to avoid is becoming a ‘Doomerang’, returning from each experience loaded with negative baggage, resentments and pain that could well haunt you for the rest of your life and make the next situation even harder to deal with.

      Resilient people do not allow adversity to drain their resolve. They find a way to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and keep going, with a strong belief that things can, and will, get better.

      Resilience comes from the Latin word resilio, which means ‘to jump back’. Some people describe resilience as the ability to bend instead of breaking under pressure, or the ability to persevere and adapt when faced with challenges. The same abilities also help us to be more open and willing to take on new opportunities. In this way, resilience is more than just survival, it is also about letting go and learning to grow.

      Throughout this book you will find that some of the greatest examples of people who cope exceptionally well with adversity are those who adopt a positive mental attitude.

      As a total advocate of positivity, I would like to share with you a very recent story about resilience which involves my own family.

      A Personal Story of Resilience

      To set the scene, my parents have been together for over 60 years, married for nearly 58, and have three children. Certainly they have had their share of challenges and heartache; however, they are both strong, positive people who cope amazingly well with whatever life throws at them.

      Three years ago my father started feeling breathless and tired. As a very fit 75-year-old, who sailed every weekend and went to gym five times a week, it was thought that perhaps he was overdoing it. He went to see his doctor who said that he had a heart murmur and sent him to see a consultant at the local hospital. This was diagnosed as a moderate condition.

      Last year, however, it was discovered that he had severe thickening of the aortic valve and, after an angiogram, he was told that he needed a quadruple bypass as well as a valve replacement. The situation was diagnosed as severe and he was put on a waiting list, with his health deteriorating on a daily basis. He was given strict instructions to do no more sailing, no more gym and to remain wrapped in cotton wool until after the operation.

      For someone who was used to an active life this was very challenging. Each day he waited with no communication of when the operation would be. Bouts of anxiety and depression become frequent as his life was put on hold. To watch my parents go through this ordeal alone was heart wrenching as they were rendered helpless.

      One year later, he was finally given an operation date. The news, when it finally came was seemingly akin to winning the lottery! The whole family was tremendously relieved.

      The evening before the operation, my mother and I took my father into hospital and I watched them say their goodbyes. Knowing the severity and the risk of the operation, I have to say, I struggled to hold it together. After 60 years of being together they knew there was a chance, as with any major operation, that this could be the last time they saw each other.

      Knowing it was a six-hour operation, I tried to keep my mother busy as we both waited with our hearts in our mouths. All we wanted to do was call to be able to hear that everything had gone well. Four hours later, the phone rang and I answered it, my mouth dry with anticipation and fear. It was a surreal experience to hear my father’s voice on the end of the line.

      ‘Well it’s like this’, his ghostlike voice whispered down the phone line. ‘I was all ready to go into theatre. They’d prepared me. Put my gown on. I’d even had a Mexican!’ (I didn’t feel it was appropriate to correct him at that point.) ‘And then they said that I was going to be discharged because they didn’t have any critical care beds left!’

      My mother and I immediately went to see my father and we found him sitting on the end of his hospital bed looking somewhat bewildered, trying to make sense of this surreal situation. Despite their extraordinary efforts to remain calm I could see the fear in my parents’ eyes as they imagined being flung back into the bureaucracy of waiting lists, and it all seemed almost too unbearable to imagine. No one was able to give us any information, only that my father should return home and wait for the next available slot which could be days, weeks or months.

      We returned home and I watched my parents muster a huge amount of resilience as they both discussed how they would deal with the situation. They realized that the situation was out of their control and they made a pact to be calm and patient and that things would be resolved if they remained positive.

      After being home for about two hours the telephone rang. Half-expecting it to be a concerned relative, I answered it. I was told that my father should return immediately to the hospital as a critical care bed had become available and my father would be operated on the next day. Repacking his bag we traipsed back to the hospital. This I am sure you can imagine would be an ordeal for anyone let alone two people near to eighty!

      We left my father that evening and called later to see if he was settled. He said he had spoken to the Sister on the ward who said he was doing very well and she was surprised at how positively he had dealt with it all.

      Apparently he had said to the Sister that his daughter wrote books about being positive and

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