Everand Logo

Welcome to Everand!

  • Discover millions of ebooks, audiobooks, and so much more with a free trial

    Only $11.99/month after trial. Cancel anytime.

    The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner: Eleven Essential Principles
    The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner: Eleven Essential Principles
    The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner: Eleven Essential Principles
    Ebook119 pages1 hour

    The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner: Eleven Essential Principles

    By Alan D. Wolfelt

    ()

    Read preview

    About this ebook

    Partly a counseling model and partly an explanation of true empathy, this handbook explores the ways companionship eases grief. For caretakers who work with grieving people or for friends and family justhoping to stay close, 11 tenets are outlined for mourner-led care. These simple rules call for understanding another person's pain, listening with the heart rather than the head, not filling up every minute with words, respecting confusion and disorder, and relying on curiosity rather than expertise.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherIndependent Publishers Group
    Release dateApr 1, 2009
    ISBN9781617220371
    The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner: Eleven Essential Principles

    Read more from Alan D. Wolfelt

    Related to The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner

    Related ebooks

    Relationships For You

    View More
    View More

    Related podcast episodes

    Related articles

    • Article

      Let People Be Wrong

      Nov 22, 2019

      Let People Be Wrong
      2 min read

    • Article

      The Secret Life of Grief

      Dec 3, 2013

      The Secret Life of Grief
      12 min read

    • Article

      GETTING HELP WITH Love and Loss

      Aug 31, 2020

      GETTING HELP WITH Love and Loss
      4 min read

    • Article

      CALM In The Midst Of CHAOS

      Sep 22, 2020

      CALM In The Midst Of CHAOS
      9 min read

    • Article

      From Blame to Love

      Sep 24, 2019

      From Blame to Love
      4 min read

    • Article

      How To Flourish In Dark Times

      Apr 8, 2021

      How To Flourish In Dark Times
      4 min read

    • Article

      Free From The Burden Of Holding On

      Nov 12, 2019

      Free From The Burden Of Holding On
      11 min read

    • Article

      Continuing Thay’s Teachings

      Nov 19, 2019

      Sister Chan Khong has been Thich Nhat Hanh’s closest collaborator for more than fifty years. She’s also a dedicated activist and gifted teacher in her own right. When I went to the United States to explain the suffering of the Vietnamese people and t

      7 min read

    • Article

      Someone I Love Is Hurting

      Jan 24, 2023

      Someone I Love Is Hurting
      4 min read

    • Article

      Love Is Already Yours

      Dec 13, 2022

      Love Is Already Yours
      8 min read

    • Article

      PODCAST reviews

      Aug 16, 2022

      Christine Wamsler, Professor at Lund University Centre for Sustainability Studies, joins host Liane Stephan for a hopeful conversation on how mindsets (cognitive, emotional, and relational capacities) can support sustainable climate action. Why are m

      6 min read

    • Article

      The Problem With Empathy

      Mar 3, 2021

      The Problem With Empathy
      3 min read

    • Article

      Rooted IN Compassion

      Dec 17, 2019

      Rooted IN Compassion
      7 min read

    • Article

      Medicalising Emotions

      Aug 14, 2019

      Medicalising Emotions
      9 min read

    • Article

      In The Moments Of Non-Awakening

      Feb 5, 2019

      In The Moments Of Non-Awakening
      8 min read

    • Article

      Anxiety Is Your SUPERPOWER

      Mar 15, 2022

      Anxiety Is Your SUPERPOWER
      6 min read

    • Article

      Bookmark This read…listen…stream

      Apr 1, 2020

      How Exercise Helps Us Find Happiness, Hope, Connection, and Courage Kelly McGonigal, PhD • Avery McGonigal’s thesis is simple—as humans, we are hardwired for movement. She builds her case through a wide-ranging survey of scientific studies, interview

      7 min read

    • Article

      Ten Years After My Accident

      Jan 18, 2022

      Ten Years After My Accident
      8 min read

    • Article

      Ask Anna

      Dec 7, 2023

      Ask Anna
      3 min read

    • Article

      Transformative Grief

      Dec 25, 2023

      Transformative Grief
      14 min read

    • Article

      Ask The Teachers

      Nov 7, 2017

      REBECCA LI: As an antidote to the pernicious arrogance that gives rise to thoughts like “I’m doing something so selfless— aren’t I great?” we can practice gratitude for the opportunity to serve. In particular, we can be grateful for all of the causes

      5 min read

    Related categories

    Reviews for The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner

    0 ratings

    0 ratings0 reviews

    What did you think?

    Tap to rate

    Review must be at least 10 words

      Book preview

      The Handbook for Companioning the Mourner - Alan D. Wolfelt

      © 2009 by Alan D. Wolfelt

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

      Companion Press is an imprint of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, 3735 Broken Bow Road, Fort Collins, Colorado 80526, (970) 226-6050, www.centerforloss.com.

      Companion Press books may be purchased in bulk for sales promotions, premiums and fundraisers. Please contact the publisher at the above address for more information.

      Printed in Canada.

      18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 09

      5 4 3 2 1

      ISBN 978-1-879651-61-6

      To the heart-based caregivers who have traveled to my retreat-oriented training center to explore these companioning tenets with me in the sacred space of hospitality and sanctuary. I thank you for advocating for this model of care throughout the world.

      Companion Press is dedicated to the education and support of both the bereaved and bereavement caregivers. We believe that those who companion the bereaved by walking with them as they journey in grief have a wondrous opportunity: to help others embrace and grow through grief—and to lead fuller, more deeply-lived lives themselves because of this important ministry.

      For a complete catalog and ordering information,

      write or call or visit our website:

      Companion Press

      The Center for Loss and Life Transition

      3735 Broken Bow Road

      Fort Collins, CO 80526

      (970) 226-6050 FAX 1-800-922-6051

      DrWolfelt@centerforloss.com

      www.centerforloss.com

      Table of Contents

      Title Page

      Copyright Page

      Dedication

      Introduction

      The Tenets of Companioning the Bereaved

      Tenet One - Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.

      Tenet Two - Companioning is about going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.

      Tenet Three - Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.

      Tenet Four - Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.

      Tenet Five - Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.

      Tenet Six - Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading.

      Tenet Seven - Companioning means discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it does not mean filling up every moment with words.

      Tenet Eight - Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.

      Tenet Nine - Companioning is about respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.

      Tenet Ten - Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.

      Tenet Eleven - Companioning is about curiosity; it is not about expertise.

      A Final Word

      ALSO BY ALAN WOLFELT

      Introduction

      "Why not go out on a limb?

      That is where the fruit is."—Will Rogers

      Why This Handbook?

      I wrote eleven tenets of companioning people in grief several years ago as I sat in a gazebo on the sacred grounds of the Center for Loss and Life Transition. I am very humbled that today there is now an international network of both professional caregivers and laypeople who have trained with me on the companioning philosophy of caregiving.

      While I had been teaching the art of companioning for many years, I initially published the eleven tenets of companioning in my 2006 book Companioning the Bereaved: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers, which also includes a section on counseling howtos. This Handbook is in response to a request for a more concise guide to the eleven tenets of companioning. I hope you will help me get both these resources into the hands and hearts of anyone you believe might benefit from learning more about creating hospitality for fellow human beings encountering grief.

      The Distinction Between Treat and Companion

      I’ve always found it intriguing that the word treat comes from the Latin root word tractare, which means to drag. If you combine that with the word patient, we really get into trouble. Patient means passive, long-term sufferer, so if we treat patients, we drag passive, long-term sufferers. Not a very empowering concept.

      On the other hand, the word companion, when broken down into its original Latin roots, means messmate: com for with and pan for bread. Someone you would share a meal with, a friend, an equal. That is the image of companioning—sitting at a table together, being present to one another, sharing, communing, abiding in the fellowship of hospitality.

      I have taken liberties with the noun companion and made it into the verb companioning because it so well captures the type of counseling relationship I support and advocate. Instead of treating patients, I advocate companioning those who mourn. Companioning the bereaved is not about assessing, analyzing, fixing or resolving another’s grief. Instead, it is about being totally present to the mourner, even being a temporary guardian of her soul.

      Treatment vs. Companioning

      For Spiritual, Emotional, Existential Issues

      Enjoying the preview?
      Page 1 of 1