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    Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
    Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
    Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
    Ebook375 pages6 hours

    Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

    By Dr. Kristin Neff

    4.5/5

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    About this ebook

    Kristin Neff, Ph.D., says that it’s time to “stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind.” Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind offers expert advice on how to limit self-criticism and offset its negative effects, enabling you to achieve your highest potential and a more contented, fulfilled life.

    More and more, psychologists are turning away from an emphasis on self-esteem and moving toward self-compassion in the treatment of their patients—and Dr. Neff’s extraordinary book offers exercises and action plans for dealing with every emotionally debilitating struggle, be it parenting, weight loss, or any of the numerous trials of everyday living.  

    Editor's Note

    To err is human…

    When society values success at all costs, the smallest mistake can be devastating. This book teaches positive self-talk techniques to accept setbacks as a natural part of the human experience.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateApr 19, 2011
    ISBN9780062079176
    Author

    Dr. Kristin Neff

    Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion almost twenty years ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, which is taught by thousands of teachers worldwide. They co-authored the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. Her newest work focuses on how to balance self-acceptance with the courage to make needed change. In June 2021, she will publish Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.   For more information on self-compassion, including a self-compassion test, research articles, practices, and Dr. Neff's teaching schedule, go to www.self-compassion.org. 

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    Reviews for Self-Compassion

    4.5/5

    71 ratings8 reviews

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    • 5/5
      A very important tool in self-help therapy.
    • 4/5
      I agreed with a lot of what the author had to say, and I loved her perspectives on a lot of the subjects discussed in this book... But the parts where she talked about her autistic son really threw me for a loop, especially when her and her husband decided to take him to Mongolia to "heal" him of autism. There's nothing inherently wrong with being autistic. Yes, it's difficult for the parents and I have compassion for that but it was just... really weird. And off-putting, because I'm autistic myself and it just made me wonder, WTF? Is this really what parents of autistic children think of their kids?! Jeesh. But yeah. Good book.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      May have read through a little fast just to finish, but will definitely be revisiting in the future, especially the exercises. Self-compassion is something various CAPS counselors have suggested to me (current one suggested this book), and last year I did go through an MBSR weekly course. Mindfulness, or being aware of your thoughts is something I'm passably okay with, but the being compassionate to yourself is still a work in progress.

      Very useful, maybe half a star off for repeating the Two Wolves story as Cherokee wisdom since it seems to be of dubious origin, and while self-compassion and mindfulness are rooted in Buddhist thought, I'm wary of any hint of Eastern fetishization. Neff never goes there but a few sentences allude to the great wisdom of the East etc.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 5/5
      So much is said about Western culture being one of rampant narcissism, "me me me", etc. But neuroticism, self-hatred, and the like, is the other side of the coin that does not get discussed quite as much. The author, Dr. Kristin Neff, discusses the destructive consequences of such negative thoughts, such as guilt, shame, self-hatred, putting yourself down, harshly judging yourself, and the rest, and how our culture has been programming us to think this way, and take it as something "normal". Dr. Neff uses stories both from her patients, and from her own life experiences, to illustrate how these types of negative thoughts can affect your life and the lives of your friends and family. As a heads-up, they are quite intense, and if you have trouble with destructive negative thinking, these will sound very familiar. What this book does is show you methods on how to quiet those habitual thoughts that drag you down and beat you into the dust. There is "negative" thinking, which we all do, and its there to help protect us from making mistakes, or more importantly, from us repeating mistakes. This is normal. But overly negative thoughts, "You're not good enough", "You're not pretty enough", "You are a terrible person", "You should die", and so on, are, obviously, not what we need to be telling ourselves. Throughout the book, Dr. Neff teaches us methods on how to treat ourselves like we would a cherished friend who is hurting, or a beloved child who is frightened, and not as an enemy. These methods teach us embrace ourselves as actual people who deserve love and understanding. Self-compassion helps you self-regulate your emotions so that they don't fly off the handle, inevitably hurting yourself and in many instances, the people you care for. She illustrates this with stories from her life and interactions with her husband, to give you an idea. This book helps you with your own emotional intelligence (as a side note, the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman should be read alongside this one). It shows that you CAN be good to yourself without fear of being something akin to narcissism. You learn to forgive the way you have treated yourself, and that you are worth love, and in turn, you learn to accept others more readily and openly. A very good read, sometimes hard to take and intense, but worth it.

      6 people found this helpful

    • 5/5
      Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself is written by Kristin Neff, a prominent researcher in the area of self-compassion. It includes research findings, a variety of exercises with room to complete them in the book, and stories from the author’s personal experience. The author draws on Buddhist teachings, and she writes that:Suffering stems from a single source – comparing our reality to our ideals.The book describes how self-criticism develops, and offers examples of how it can be essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy by putting ourselves down in front of others to beat them to the punch, or by undermining our relationships out of the belief that others judge us the way our self-critic does.The author presents self-compassion as an alternative to self-criticism. She clarifies that this isn’t trying to feel good about yourself; rather, it’s about self-kindness, acknowledgement of our common humanity, and mindful awareness. It’s also not about self-pity, as self-compassion involves the recognition that feelings of inadequacy and disappointment are universally shared.I was surprised by Neff’s argument that pursuing higher self-esteem isn’t necessarily useful. She pointed out various issues, including promotion of narcissism and the fragility of having self-esteem contingent on things outside of our control. Self-compassion involves recognizing that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and we don’t need to define our worth.The book addresses the question of whether self-criticism might be necessary to perform effectively, and I thought that really strengthened the argument for self-compassion. Neff points out that people actually do their best when they feel confident, and self-criticism undermines that. Also, self-critics tend to “self-handicap,” finding ways of doing things that will later give them an excuse for poor performance. While that doesn’t surprise me, I hadn’t heard of self-handicapping before.One section of the book focuses on how self-compassion can improve interactions with others. This includes a chapter on improving things in the bedroom by letting go of sexual shame.I quite liked the author’s approach to self-compassion. It doesn’t rely on being positive or having strong self-esteem, which makes it broadly accessible. Kind of like in Brené Brown’s books, Self-Compassion incorporates research findings, but not in a textbookish way. There are plenty of real life examples to illustrate the concepts covered.I think this would be a great read for anyone who struggles with self-criticism. And really, we could probably all benefit from a little more kindness toward ourselves.

      1 person found this helpful

    • 4/5
      Zelfcompassie draait om drie principes. Ten eerste dien je begrip te hebben voor jezelf als je het moeilijk hebt, in tweede instantie moet je accepteren dat lijden een onvermijdelijk onderdeel vormt van het leven en ten laatste is er het onder ogen zien van de eigen emoties zonder te oordelen. Psychologe Kristin Neff ontdekte dat compassie hebben met jezelf vaak een stuk moeilijker is dan gedacht. Haar pogingen om los te komen van de problematische relatie met haar vader begonnen pas resultaat op te leveren toen ze besefte dat je pas liefde kan geven als je jezelf liefhebt. In dit boek vertelt zij hoe dat kan.
    • 5/5
      I learned a lot about self-compassion here. It was Amazing!

      2 people found this helpful

    • 5/5
      Self compassion? I never heard about this word before or I never get to know about it. Thanks to the context of this book I open a connection between my heart and my mind. I fully recommend.

      1 person found this helpful

    Book preview

    Self-Compassion - Dr. Kristin Neff

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