The System

well.

Chapter 2: 2000 Pictures And Counting

How can you make time stand still? Wouldn't it be a dream, the greatest invention in the world if you could suspend time? Just think of the greatest times you ever had in your life. What a feat it would be if you could find a way to live them over and over. Just think what it would be like to stop the worst of times and replace them with the best of times.

It seems with all of the technology they have to date, picture phones and smart phones, computers, I-Pods, I-Pads, Kindles, and, of course, cable television, satellite, bringing the whole world into your living room, there should be a way to suspend time.

It would be too simple; life itself, if you could suddenly turn off all things going wrong with your life and replace them with your happiest moments. Since it can't be done, all that you have to rely on of your happiest moments are pictures and photographs.

Of course pictures and photographs can't physically make you re-live the best of times, but they can bring back memories and emotions of joy and pleasure that brought you and others you love so much satisfaction.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well in my case, my parents took over two thousand pictures of me by the time I was the age of ten. So, if you multiply one picture valued at one thousand words, I guess that you would say that my life would be worth millions.

There's so many things that you can pick up out of a photograph. You can tell how a person looks, how old they are, in a lot of cases how affluent they are. Of course you can tell the common factors like race and gender.

Having been born with two parents that had been married a total of five times between the two of them, never having any children, you can imagine the happiness and joy on the news that they were about to have their own child.

That news was overwhelming to a couple at their age, my father being sixty-three, and my mother being forty. They had just built a new house, and what could be more perfect? A child to go along with it. Life was good, and about ready to get better for my parents and ultimately, for me, upon my birth. It's the American dream, what every person strives for. A beautiful home and a family to make it all worth it.

So, in essence, you're starting to get the picture. It turned out to be what it was; a picture perfect life for all of us for a very long time.

My father had retired form Nabisco after forty-three years of service; the company bought out his job, and gave him a good package for retirement. My mother didn't have to work at the bank anymore because in her first marriage they owned a Laundromat and apartment buildings, plus her job at the bank, so after twelve years of marriage with her first husband she got a settlement. Therefore she didn't have to work either. What a perfect opportunity to make up all of the time that they had lost not having a child. Now, they could spend all of their days and their nights raising their child that they were about to have. My parents considered themselves very lucky to be able to be home with their child around the clock.

Days were filled with two doting parents attending to my every need. Of course, there were swings, slides, turtle-sandboxes, a big pool, and every kind of toy imaginable. In these two thousand pictures or more, at Christmas, it was hard to find me because I was surrounded by so many gifts.

Of course, my mother still had her mother alive at forty. It was even great because I had a great-grandmother too. My great-grandmother lived to be a hundred and three. On the other hand, my father had very little family left, because as I said, he was sixty-three when I was born. He had one very overbearing sister who later on in my life plays a big role in my life, and unfortunately, not necessarily in a good way it turns out. As a matter of fact, I know now that her presence, her advice, or I should say incorrect advice misled me into a terrible place. It ultimately almost turned into my demise.

My mother and father brought a camera everywhere. At that time in my life there was a Kodak commercial called these are the days of my life. It was a famous song and it accompanied these beautiful Kodak commercials advertising the Kodak camera. At that time Kodak was the way to go.

These more than two thousand photos I have are as perfect as the Kodak commercials. Christmas, as I said, I was the face surrounded by so very many toys. Halloween, my costumes were impeccable. For instance, one year I was a doctor. I had professional scrubs and all of the paraphernalia that a doctor would accompany a doctor, right down to the ID tag around my neck. Superman was identical to the original costume; my parents would take pains in making everything perfect for me. It wasn't just on holidays, it was day-in and day-out, year-in and year-out, being lucky to get all of the things I wanted or needed. I remember almost every day after dinner while my mother cleaned the kitchen my father and I would get in the car and go buy the latest movie on video, so we could watch it that evening. I was so lucky that I didn't have to rent a movie; I could own my own and watch it whenever I wanted. So, life was good, and that's the way we rolled on, as I said for a very long time.

Thinking back now, I really had a lot to be thankful for growing up. Some children and a lot of adults don't get to live in a brand new house that they had built. However, by the time I was fifteen, my parents built four brand new homes. We had brand new cars every year; never having to worry about repairs, flat tires, or in essence always not driving in a safe car.

What more can a human being want or need? Of course I think everyone would love to be famous, travel all over the world, have their own airplane, and belong to the Jet-set, but as I said, a lot of people would love to have had what I had. A small town as we live in, we were considered doing very well.

We weren't jet-setters but we travelled quite a bit. We loved Florida and of course Disney World, MGM, Universal, and of course, Sea World. We travelled there a lot. One of my favorite destinations for both my parents and me was Las Vegas.

Las Vegas about nine years ago became very kid-friendly. Right now, it remains the same; kid-friendly. I found it to be so fascinating. Loving to eat the elaborate buffets which were sensational. Each casino seemed to have the most sensational food, even foods that aren't on restaurant menus such as duck.

My parents being older were not at all interested in the gambling. They taught me that it would be foolish to gamble and lose all of your money so you could never travel again. They made it a point of instilling in me how to save so you can have nice houses, cars and vacations.

One of the most exciting things about Vegas for me was the entertainment factor. For instance, EFX with first David Cassidy, then with Tommy Tunes. So many shows, so many artists and entertainers, so much great entertainment. My world wasn't bad at all, as a matter of fact as I look back how I went from all of this to the Twilight Zone astounds me to this day.

My surroundings, people in my life, were typical, conventional, and natural, there was nothing in my life growing up that was alarming and astounding. How would I ever know that I would be one of the very unlucky people in the world that would end up crossing into The Twilight Zone, and ultimately into The System.

In both places The Twilight Zone and The System, people are known to not always survive. Some make it through but I know that even if they do, they'll carry scars forever. The scars come in the form of fear, flashbacks, and nightmares. However, the worst scenario is the people that don't make it through at all. Either through their own hand or at the hands of the people that are in The Twilight Zone.

Through the many layers of The System you will see all of the different changes that take place. Going from one facility to another, each time thinking that it'll be over only to find out it's just another hurdle. With each facility there arise new problems, new worries and most of all new dangers.

Chapter 3: The Beginning Of The End

It was April 18, 2007. What a beautiful spring day it was! Love was in the air. There's always something about spring anyways. Like a renewal of life, a new beginning after a long, dreary, dark winter.

Life was a little mundane, with me some days feeling so listless. What threw me into this frame of mind was the ending of what I would describe as a special relationship.

Looking back on it I realized the deterrent of that last relationship was distance between the girl and I. I'm in New York State and her being located in New Hampshire, right outside of Boston.

Jennifer and I had a lot in common right from the start. It was just fate that we met. I had a friend from high school who was going to the University Of Boston. He was a good friend and I went out to see the school he was attending, thinking of going back to college myself.

It was funny how we met. My friend Sam was backing out of a parking space in the college parking lot. There were two girls in the car next to us, which we didn't notice because Sam and I were too busy talking. See I had just arrived by cab to the school and had been waiting in the parking lot for Sam. We were excited when we were communicating by our cell phones. The minute we got together we seemed to forget what was happening around us. To make a long story short we didn't notice Jennifer and her friend were backing out of the next parking spot at the same instant. Both cars were at an odd angle. Talking away I was facing the next car and I saw what was about to happen. Just at the right moment I yelled Sam stop, you're going to hit the car next to you! Sam stopped and the driver next to us got out and looked very angry, ready to fight. However Sam stopped her dead! Apologizing all over the place. He explained that I had just arrived from New York State and Sam got lost in our conversation. Jennifer introduced Sam and me to herself and her girlfriend.

It was like a story book beginning, all so perfect. Jen and I hit it off right from the beginning.

Having met lots of girls, as all guys do, through grade school and high school, I had never really met a girl with views that I possessed. The music for instance that I liked was the same. Most always, if not always, all the girls I met were focused on having children someday. I never met anyone who said they didn't want children. At this time in my life that's how I was feeling. I didn't think I wanted to have children and she had the very same feelings.

Our views on life were different than other people also. We believed that death and religion were very complicated matters. Take for instance the topic of homosexuality. It's a controversial topic, with there always being room for debate. However our views were on the same page. We believed that your genetics are already established in the womb. We believed that what you end up doing in life you were born to do anyway.

In other words, as you read my plight, later on you'll decide if what I went through results in what I'm doing today, which is writing a book for the whole world to witness. Hopefully taking life's lessons from what I went through.

So in short on this beautiful April, spring day I was reflecting on Jennifer and looking back on this last relationship.

Yes Jennifer and I got together even though the distance was a factor.

In the long run the distance became impossible to overcome. Jen was focused on me moving to Boston and me attending her college. When I couldn't make that decision at that time, she ended the relationship. The entire relationship lasted a year and a half, with me doing all of the traveling back and forth, to maintain a relationship I really valued.

So on this beautiful, spring, April 18th day, 2007, It's been about six months since I've had any contact with Jen. It's been a struggle. You can almost say it’s been like a great big blur. One day leading into the next. Almost like a song Tony Bennett sings on his CD's called Yesterday I Heard The Rain. It's about someone whose relationship breaks up. The words were how I felt, at this time, about Jen.

I felt like the song People with black umbrellas were pursuing me, and everyone was looking through me, and as I heard the rain it was whispering her name. It was bad, worse than Tony Bennett was describing.

However getting back again to that April day I keep mentioning, April 18th 2007. Can't forget this day!

I was driving along and for the first time in six months I wasn't as unhappy. For you see, two weeks earlier I had entered a music shop on a Saturday afternoon. It was just like any other Saturday. I was flipping through CD's in different areas of the store, a music shop called F.Y.E.

Not aware of anyone watching me, really just engrossed in finding some really nice music. When suddenly I was approached, out of nowhere it seemed. A pair of eyes was staring right into mine. At first it didn't register until her lips started to move. Before I could appreciate her eyes, I focused on her voice and her mannerisms. I liked both. She was only asking if she could help me with anything. She apparently was a sales girl working for F.Y.E.

I connected right away with her. Suddenly it all came together in my mind. The eyes, the voice, even the smile. For the first time in six months, my thoughts were of a different nature. A current seemed to go through my mind. Wow, it was a feeling of hope, first time in a long time.

She started a conversation about music which opened up other avenues. She introduced herself. Her name was Katie. She also revealed that she had also noticed me weeks and weeks ago. She even told me something surprising; we had two other conversations in weeks previously. Had I been so closed minded, so in love with Jen that I didn't even realize that there were other girls in the world. Others in a room or anywhere I went. Katie opened my eyes to life again. Possibilities to a new beginning; to a new future.

Shocked and dismayed at all of the feelings that was filling my head. At least I had feelings that I hadn't had in six months. Recently, all the feelings that I had had were so negative. How great getting back to being myself. Unfortunately the music shop was getting crowded on a Saturday afternoon. She looked around and said I'd better wait on some other customers; I saw in her eyes a feeling like she didn't want to end the conversation.

I decided to leave so that I could clear my head. I walked over to her as she was waiting on someone else and told her I'd think about some of the music I saw and come back again soon.

I got into my car and decided that I'd grab something to eat. Strangely enough for the first time in six months I felt hungry. I mean really hungry. Well, I'm not a genius but I know that being hungry is a step to healing.

Being by myself, I thought 'well it's got to be a mall food court or a Tim Horton's.' Most people alone do not want to walk in a nice restaurant by themselves. Now I'm realizing how lost you can feel after a relationship breaks up. Things and places you always managed to go to by yourself before a relationship, and then suddenly you can't do it anymore; it just gets too lonely. Life is hard, and it seems that the older you get, the harder it gets.

I decided on the food court. It's a big mall down the street from F.Y.E. called Northern Hills Mall. The mall is kind of an up-scale mall; therefore the mall has an array of restaurants to choose from. Deciding on Bill Grey's, I ordered a hamburger, fries, and a drink, and couldn't believe that that would be enough; boy, my appetite really came back.

As I sat there and watched at least fifty couples in groups going about their business in the food court, I realized that I couldn't have done that before today. Just watching a couple walking hand-in-hand for the last six months, since Jen and I broke up, I would have really felt bad seeing it. Now, I could actually see myself going on and maybe someday soon; not today but soon, I could be walking hand in hand with someone like Katie.

Lunch seemed to taste great. It must be my changed attitude. My cell phone goes off; it was Jim, who was a friend of mine. As we talked, he noticed the difference in my voice and in my attitude right away. He said Man, what's up?! Jim said I can't believe that you're the same person that I talked to yesterday. Right away, I couldn't contain it, could not hold back what had just happened.

I said Jim, you won't believe it. I just met the nicest girl that I've talked to in a long time. Not just nice, but she was really cute too. Man, where have I been for the last six months, where's my head been? This girl, Katie, that works at F.Y.E. said that she noticed me weeks ago, and that we'd had two other conversations besides today. Jim, what should I do?

Jim, I was thinking that maybe I should go back when her dinner is, or telling her maybe I will buy the CD's that I was looking at earlier. Or, I can just go in next Saturday and not appear to be too anxious, I said. Before I could get all of this out, Jim responded Get in your car, man, and go back to that music shop. This is the best, and I mean the best you've sounded in months. Jim's enthusiasm got me all psyched up. He's right; I'm young and everyone needs somebody to help them through the bad times. I'm on my way, I told Jim, and he said Good luck, and call me later with some good news.

Chapter 4: Totaled

Walking back to the car, I notice the change in my step. I haven't walked with a brisk pace and a confident stride; I'm my old self again or at least headed in that direction again.

I looked at my little, white, 1997 Mitsubishi Sport with a spoiler on the back of the automobile. My parents had two other brand new cars, but the Mitsubishi Sport was my favorite, and I always took that car. My dad and I had a plan for that car right from the beginning. We were going to make it my very own antique car someday. We are in the year 2007, and for the last ten years, we have groomed the engine and the whole car to be, as I said, an antique car in my life time. This car is my pride and joy.

However, as I walked towards it, I was thinking that I'm six foot two and weigh one hundred and ninety pounds. Suddenly I could see a date with Katie may be in my future now, and the car looks awful small to me. All of these thoughts were flooding my head, but they were good thoughts. I might have been crushed before, but I was hopeful now. The size of the car is a small problem; I could always borrow one of my parents' cars for the date.

Headed towards the music shop F.Y.E., remembering how interested she was to keep my courage up, I decided that it was a go. After pulling onto Whirlpool Drive, coming off of Tangent Road, only less than a block away from the music store, I stopped behind a car which was turning left into a car dealership, but had to wait to turn due to on-coming traffic. Coming to a dead stop, there was a moment of silence until suddenly as if the whole sky lit up; there were the sounds of noises going in and out of my head. I felt a stabbing in my back, which later turned out to be the spoiler of the back of the Mitsubishi in my back. Being so big, trapped in this car, my head snapped forward with just as much thrust as when it snapped back into the headrest. I felt like someone was tearing my whole head off, and I remember thinking 'boy that hurt.' I felt that someone had just taken and beaten me to a pulp. Everything in my body ached, my head hurt, and I felt limp, powerless to even move from the car.

Trapped in this car, unable to move, I look to my left, and there's a face peering in my window. It was a girl my own age, twenty years old, driving a big Chevy Trailblazer behind me. She had smashed, rammed, right into me, causing the spoiler to lodge into my back.

With no remorse, and no intentions of helping me or staying around to see what was going to happen, she screamed I have no ID, I'm leaving to go get it, and took right off in the SUV. Luckily, behind this girl was the manager of F.Y.E., coming back to the music shop from his lunch; he on a cell phone, called the Police on his cell phone and thereby documented her license plate. (See Chapter Benjamin Button for details of the accident)

Lying there, half in the car and half out, I knew that I was in trouble. In my life time of twenty years, this was the worst disaster I had come across. Little did I know that day, April 18th, 2007, was the day I entered The Twilight Zone.

As the paramedics came, the Police arrived on the scene; the witness for me was so cooperative. Thank God for him. The girl was ultimately found and in the long run, had to answer for what she did. My dreams, as it states in Chapter Benjamin Buttons, were trashed, my life flashed before me upon the impact of the crash. As they pulled me from the car, they asked me if I could stand. Out of sheer shock and dismay, I stood barely as I waited for my father and a tow-truck. The car was so demolished that the tow-truck could not tow it away due to the fact that the rear fenders were smashed into the rear tires and they were also crushed. So, after waiting for a tow-truck for an hour in my condition, I had to wait an additional hour for the flat-bed to come and carry the car away.

In retrospect, I realized that day that I should have gone to the hospital that instant. But as people say that have been in accidents, it all doesn't hit you until the next day. My father remembers how bad I was when he got there, and to this day, he wonders how I made it home without emergency medical care. The day after the accident, I went to the hospital, and I remember feeling altogether different than how I felt all of my life before the accident.

The sum of that whole day, April 18th, 2007, can be described in one word; Totaled. Not only was the car completely totaled, my dream of grooming my own antique car from the beginning totaled, but also as you'll see for the next three years you might as well say, my life was not only totaled, it was totally devastating and unbearable.

Chapter 5: Fasten Your Seatbelts

Some things you get over right away. A disagreement, a difference of opinion or a view between family and friends can be dismissed very easily in most cases. It's just what it is; a matter of opinion. However, that horrible experience with my car being totaled and me being in it at the time was a whole other story.

The next day I remembered, while waiting for the tow-truck in the music shop F.Y.E., the words of the manager that helped me catch the girl that hit me came flooding back. He said, You should have gone to the hospital, but, like an accident he was in, it didn't hit him until the next day.

Yes, he was right, he was a lot older than me, and his words were right on target. The next day I was more than sore, I ached all over, and my head was cloudy to say the least. Only twenty years old and I felt like a person might feel in their sixties. Everything ached from top to bottom. Finally, my father, looking at me sitting there on the sofa asked what was wrong. My head was the main concern; it was hard to think clearly; as I said, a good way to describe it, my head felt like it was in the clouds. We decided that my father would drive me to St. Mary's Hospital. We, of course was lent, by the insurance company, a rent-a-car.

At St. Mary's, they determined, after several tests, that I had three posterior disc bulges. My neck at the time was so bad off; they put a neck brace on me. However, my head was a different story. That turns out to take a year and a half to actually diagnosis.

My parents, as I said, at sixty four and forty having me late in life, protecting me always, for the first time someone else comes along and breaks that barrier of a perfect kid in perfect health. My first of many times I question and ask why me? It turns out that the next two years or better that question resonates in my mind over and over, why me?

Since that unfortunate day, April 18th 2007, I remember trying so hard to recover and put that day past me.

However, I never felt quite right. Fortunately, my family was supportive, and my attitude in those years was very good. I'm not going to let an accident stop me from planning my future, living my life, and trying to do everything I can to make things better for me.

The only way to describe what happens next is to say fasten your seatbelts, for the road I'm on gets bumpier, and my life starts to take so many twists and turns.

Putting the accident behind me, after three weeks of convalescing, I still didn't feel like myself, like I did before the accident happened, but I felt a little bit better. I had been seeing doctors such as a chiropractor; it helped a little.

So approximately six weeks or so after the accident I decided to get back into life. My father convinced me to go up to the music shop F.Y.E. He said before the accident you were getting back into life after Jen. He also said I think that it would be good for you to go talk to that girl you met; Katie.

Maybe he was right; I was acting a little lethargic. Listless, with my head still being cloudy. I myself thought that Katie seemed very interested; perhaps this would be good for me. The days previous were all spent thinking about my dreams of my antique car gone and how I was going to get back to being myself. I just didn't feel right.

So, on another beautiful Spring day, May 30th, 2007, my dad and I got into a new car; a 2007 Honda Civic. My mom purchased us a new car just for my dad and me. There we go, brand new car, brand new day, beautiful day as I said, and we're headed up in the same direction that the accident happened.

Driving along, feeling the best I felt in six weeks considering. When travelling in the right hand lane, closest to the side-walk, we were passing a major shopping store called Rex. Next to us as we were moving along, in the left lane, was another line of traffic going in the same direction as we were. In the median, there was a van stopped, waiting to turn into another shopping center on the other side of the road. Suddenly, coming from the opposite direction, came a lady and a twelve-year-old girl who was her daughter in a big van. From the opposite direction as I said, she veered around the van that was stopped in their median, and smashed into my father from the side as she attempted to turn into the Rex Supermarket parking lot as we were passing by the entranceway.

Upon impact, my head snapped to the left, and then, as we came to a stop, my head swung to the right and hit partly into the pillar in between the front and rear seats and the front window at an angle. It turns out that she hit us in the driver's side. She admits to wrong-doing and the police take an accident report and follow procedure; charging her with the accident. My mother's brand new car is smashed now. Needless to say, I'm re-injured, and now my father is hurt too. The Civic was drivable this time, and my father was so upset about me getting hurt again. He told the Police, I just want to get him home and see how bad he is. We were twenty-two miles away from home, and my father said If we're feeling no better when we get home, we'll go to the hospital that we always go to near our house.

Needless to say, the way we felt was beyond words. How could this happen, almost in the same area, again. Katie was the last thing on my mind now, and what worried my father was what was my mother going to say about another car accident? After all, all that they gave me for the Mitsubishi that was hit April 18th was very little because it was a 1997, and this was 2007; the car was ten years old. However the insurance company on the Mitsubishi did give us twelve hundred dollars over the book value because the engine was so clean and well kept. Remember, my dad and I was grooming that Mitsubishi for an antique car in my lifetime. Twelve hundred dollars extra wasn't much for a dream; how can you replace a dream?

Needless to say, I got a really bad feeling; I was worried about my eighty-three year-old dad, and what the accident might have done to him. We were both worried about what my mother was going to say because she just replaced the Mitsubishi with the new Honda Civic and now it's smashed.

What's happening to me? I have never felt bad feelings before these two accidents. Now I know what a lot of the kids in school were trying to tell me all through the years. From time to time I would witness different friends in real peril. I've heard of students in high school getting killed in accidents and many unfortunate tragedies and situations in the four years of high school. They didn't register or really touch my life so really I didn't understand or feel their pain. Suddenly, I realized life isn't always a bowl of cherries. I also realized what that phrase meant; life is a bumpy road.

My head hurt so much in the last six weeks before this second accident on May 30th. All I could think of was all the unfortunate things friends had told me all along the way. I'm beginning to realize life is tough, and I'd better fasten my seatbelts.

Chapter 6: Average American Kid

I'm what you call an average American kid; I