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    We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But ...
    We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But ...
    We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But ...
    Ebook160 pages1 hour

    We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But ...

    By Laura Kosloff and Mark Trexler

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    About this ebook

    Thousands of teenagers from other countries spend one or more years studying in the U.S. They come from countries all over the world, entering the U.S. through different educational programs and visas. In each case the students, parents back home, and host families are taking a big leap. Many of the teenagers have great experiences during their time in the U.S., improving critical language skills and forming life-long relationships. But many stumble along the way. Some change host families or schools while in the U.S.; some return home early. Many simply have a less rewarding time than could have been the case. Often it comes down to one problem – communicating. It’s hard enough for adults to communicate with teenagers who have grown up in their own homes and cultures; it’s much harder when the teens have only a limited sense of what they are getting themselves into. That’s part of the adventure, and it’s part of the problem.

    Laura Kosloff and Mark Trexler have been the Exchange Mom and Exchange Dad since 2003, when they brought their first foreign exchange student into their home to join their two pre-teen boys. Since then, they have hosted over a dozen students from countries around the world in their own home, and have worked with many, many more in their role as local coordinators. They have dealt with behavioral issues, eating disorders, culture shock, language problems, sibling rivalries, alcohol and drug use, medical emergencies, and more.

    Many of these situations could have been avoided with better problem-solving communications between student and host parents, student and parents back home, student and siblings in a host family, and even host parents and natural parents back home. There can never be too much communication when it comes to teenagers and adults, not to mention the added challenge of inter-cultural expectations and misunderstandings.

    In this book you will learn about many of the most obvious opportunities for miscommunication in the context of students studying in the U.S., and how to solve problems when issues do arise. There is rarely a one-size-fits-all answer, but “communicate early and often” is pretty close. Host parents, parents back home, and students themselves are making a big investment when it comes to any high school study abroad option. Too often that investment doesn’t fully pay off, usually for predictable and avoidable reasons. This book can change that for you.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLaura Kosloff
    Release dateFeb 8, 2016
    ISBN9780997302905
    We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But ...
    Author

    Laura Kosloff

    An environmental lawyer since 1985, I started out as a legal editor. I spent 18 years first as General Counsel of Trexler Climate and Energy Services, Inc., a widely respected energy and climate policy consulting firm, and later as Senior Associate Counsel for EcoSecurities, an international climate policy and carbon project firm, while raising two boys. My husband, Mark Trexler, and I continue to work together on climate and energy issues, just trying to make a difference! I also do private tutoring on law subjects and LSAT exam prep. Together with my husband, I work as regional coordinator for one of the largest high school foreign exchange programs operating in the U.S. We oversee foreign teens studying in the U.S. and provide advice for students and host families. We manage a blog on cultural exchange at The Exchange Mom, www.exchangemom.com. We live with our two German Shepherds in Portland, Oregon; our younger son is in college two hours away and our older son recently moved to Washington, DC, to start his post-college adult life.

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      Book preview

      We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But ... - Laura Kosloff

      We Would LOVE to Host an

      EXCHANGE STUDENT,

      But …

      LAURA KOSLOFF AND MARK TREXLER

      Copyright 2016 Laura Kosloff and Mark Trexler

      All Rights Reserved

      This book is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America. Any reproduction or other unauthorized use of the material or artwork herein is prohibited.

      This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the work of the authors.

      Photo Credits

      Padurariu Alexandru, Unsplash.com

      Daria Nepriakhina, Unsplash.com

      Pixabay.com

      Laura Kosloff and Mark Trexler

      Lori Larsen, EF High School Exchange Year

      Kevin Sanders, EF High School Exchange Year

      Table of Contents

      Acknowledgements

      The Basics

      Today An Exchange Student: Tomorrow . . . ?

      Youth and High School Exchange Programs: Are They Right for Everyone?

      10 Questions About Hosting Exchange Students and Why It Matters Now More Than Ever

      We Would Love to Host an Exchange Student, But Our Children Are Too Young

      I Say Tomahto, You Say Tomayto: Exchange Student Visas Make a Difference

      Direct Placements for Exchange Students: Should You or Shouldn’t You?

      Tips and Tricks

      What Do We Talk About With Exchange Students at the Beginning of the Year?

      Let the Miscommunication Begin!

      Practical Tips for Exchange Students: Preparation for Travel to Your Host Country

      Practical Tips for Host Families

      Exchange Students and School: What are the Real Expectations?

      I’m Ready to Go Home, I’m not Ready to Go Home

      The Background of International Exchange

      Why High School Students Should Study Abroad and Why We Should Help Them Do It

      International Youth Exchange Data: Where Do Our Students Come From?

      Is Traditional High School Exchange Fading Away?

      Why Would I Want to Host *That* Student. He’s So. . .Different!

      Africa, the U.S., and High School Cultural Exchange Programs – What’s Missing?

      Common Issues

      Mobile Phones and the Exchange Student: What’s the Answer?

      Technology is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to High School Exchange … or is it?

      About Those Pills…

      The Importance of Communication Never Ends

      Exchange Students and High School Sports: Adjusting to the Reality

      Family Visits While on High School Exchange: Yes or No?

      Learning How to Drive on Your Exchange

      The Honeymoon is Over: How to Handle Bad Grades

      Stumbling as the Finish Line Draws Near

      Book Reviews

      Culture Shock Revisited

      Study Abroad: Finally, Parents Are Now Part of the Picture

      Personal Stories

      The Beginning of the School Year: Déjà Vu or New Beginnings

      Personal Moments: Goodbye and Hello

      Seeing America (or part of it….): Road Trip With Our Exchange Student

      About the Authors

      Connect with Us

      Acknowledgements

      This book would not have been possible without the intentional and unintentional assistance of more people than we can really count.

      We thank the 14 students who have lived in our home and who in their enthusiasm have shown us over and over again the beauty of our own country and the treasures that lie in their own cultures. We thank the dozens of students we have mentored and supervised over the past nine years, who each year teach us something new about teenagers and communicating across cultures. We thank the host families who we never would have met in our ordinary work and personal lives — not just host parents and host grandparents, but also host siblings. These are teens and young people with whom we now have independent relationships as they themselves grow up. Finally, we could not have done this without the support, advice, and camaraderie of our colleagues in the exchange program, both coordinators and staff, who have taught us so much.

      The Basics

      Today An Exchange Student: Tomorrow . . . ?

      We learned something interesting the other day: the president of Afghanistan, Mohammad Ashraf Ghani, attended Lake Oswego High School as an exchange student. That’s where we live. Our own sons graduated from high school here. It’s where a dozen of our own exchange students—our international sons and daughters—and students we have supervised have attended school for a semester or academic year. It’s our home.

      We weren’t surprised. Well, yes, we were. We certainly had no idea that President Ghani had lived in Oregon, much less that he had attended high school here. But we were not surprised to hear that he had been an exchange student, or to hear that he thought it was a profound experience that fundamentally changed his life.

      Lake Oswego High School today

      We know that immersion in another culture as a teen or young adult can have amazing long-term impacts. The students themselves may not see these impacts for quite some time, even after they return home. Their parents see it when they return home after six or ten months as more confident, more independent, more worldly young adults. He left as an insecure teenager and came home as a young man. How does that happen? a parent told us a few years ago in wonder. We see it, as the host parents and as the program coordinators who compare the nervous teenagers we pick up at the airport with the self-assured ones we bring back to the airport 10-11 months later. We saw it in our own son, who spent six months in Ghana at the age of 18.

      President Ghani has praised the opportunities he had at Lake Oswego High School almost 50 years ago. He credited his exchange student experiences as opening his eyes to the power of citizenship. He reflected on serving on the student council: It was the first time I ever saw students entrusted to make decisions, to decide how money should be spent. And we were held accountable for our decisions.

      President Ghani is not the only well-known political leader whose life demonstrates the value of studying (or living) abroad and learning about how others live. Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa is among those from other countries who studied abroad, receiving undergraduate and graduate degrees from King’s College in London. Former U.S. President Bill Clinton studied at Oxford University in England on a Rhodes scholarship; he has said, [n]o one who has lived through the second half of the 20th century could possibly be blind to the enormous impact of exchange programs on the future of countries. At the high school level, U.S. Senator Jeff Merkley (D-Oregon) spent three months in Ghana as an exchange student, an experience he has said led to his choice of studying international relations at Stanford University as well as decisions to spend time in India and Mexico. Living in Ghana, Sen. Merkley said, was a huge door to the diversity of the world, and the struggles that people have.

      So keep an eye on that bright young teenager from Germany, Thailand, Australia, or Slovakia who has made friends with your son or daughter, plays on the school soccer team, or has a role in the school play. Watch the students from Brazil, South Korea, or Taiwan as their English improves during the school year. Listen to the ones in the school orchestra and the ones who participate in Model United Nations and the debate team. Admire their courage in stepping out into the unknown, and encourage your own children to do the same. Most of them won’t become president of their country, of course. But some might—after all, some certainly have. The rest will help change the world, one person at a time, in many other ways.

      Youth and High School Exchange Programs: Are They Right for Everyone?

      We sometimes ask students who are considering a study abroad program to think about their motivations for going on a study abroad program. We hope this will help them think about the options that might be best for them. The discussion below is intended primarily for high school students; the decision-making process for college age students would be different. Also, while we focus on the U.S., the basic question would be the same regardless of the host county a student is considering: is this the right program for me?

      Let’s look at one particular issue for today: the picture of a high school student who chooses to go to a host country specifically to get used to the host country and to prepare for college entrance exams and applications in that host country. How does that affect the youth cultural exchange experience?

      In the U.S., the traditional visa for high school exchange students come has been the J-1 cultural exchange visa. This visa comes with certain rules and expectations. If a student’s motivations do not match the program’s mission, the experience can go poorly for both the student and the host family. The purpose of youth exchanges is cultural. That means students should share their countries’ lifestyles and ideas with that of the host family; the host family should share their lifestyle, traditions, and customs with the student.

      If you—the student—have a larger goal of applying to college, what do you think you will want to focus on during your exchange? Most likely, you would need to focus on studying for college entrance exams and a language entrance exam (e.g., TOEFL), or both. These would likely require special preparation courses and time. You might need to spend time doing college applications. You might feel you need to visit colleges in which you are interested.

      These activities take time away from your host country high school studies, making friends and going out with new friends in your host country, and spending time with your host family. Indeed, these activities may conflict with youth exchange regulations and guidelines. In the

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