J.P.P. McLeggins & the Buggin' Out World

Twelve

1

J.P.P. McLeggins - that is to say, Just Plain Pretty McLeggins - was just a simple spider girl, in a bugging out kind of a world. She was a black spider with beautiful blue markings (her markings were not the only thing black and blue – her life had been black and blue, with lots of ups and downs as well…but what bug’s past wasn’t as they survived their own buggyhood and its travails?).

She wore green tennis shoes, on each of her 8 legs to match her green bow that she was always known to sport on top of her head. Her eyes were big, curious and full of light, that sometimes reflected in the moonlight. Her eyes and heart were happy and full of love for all bugs – but also tinted and sown within those eyes - were some hidden and unspoken sadnesses she didn’t like to show or talk with other bugs about.

Like the legs that carried them through the world, spiders had 8 stages of life (as was suggested by Dr. Sigeyed Fruitfly, one of the great Psycho-anaInsect psychologists of Bugkind). The 1st leg was birth, the 2nd – Early Spiderhood, the 3rd Adarachnidense (a terrible time for raging spider-mones; Abdosplotches [Spider version of pimples]; and Webuperty in general). The 4th stage of Spiderdum was Young Archnihood, the 5th, mid-life Pesti-Cisis (…which any good willed spider was blessed to make it to). The 6th stage - Grey Legged Hair Beginnings, the 7th - Silver Abdomen stage, and the 8th and final stage was of course…death; or…the passage into the Great Pantry Closet/Great Meadow in the sky (for the romantics).

J.P.P. (also called by her friends simply as McLeggins) was on the forefront of Young Arachnihood. She had had a pretty good Spiderdum thus far. The young spider lady had gone to Hatchlings Elementary, and stayed in the Dead Log School District (one of the best there was) through middle and high spider school. While in school, all the way from her itsy bitsy days through high school, McLeggins had been the only girl (and eventual captain) of her Capture the Fly team.

**

Capture the Fly was a sport that was played in a large Spiderasium. It worked as follows: you had two teams, and in the center of the Spiderasium – on a large pole-stick like device was the emerald fly (basically, a Gadfly like creature that had spiderly engineered micro-emerald armor and boosters that made it zoom through the air).

Opponents on the two teams would compete to see who could reach the emerald fly first. The opposing teams would hurl stick balls (specially formed webbing that was thrown like a dodge ball) at each other. When it struck an opponent the stickball exploded, expanded, and trapped one in a web-like net. It held the participant captive until the end of the game.

Every player had a prescribed number of 30 stickballs (two stickballs for each opponent per player, since there were 15 players per team). When one ran out of stickballs, they were at the mercy of scuttle-dodging to the best of their spider given ability.

The first team to get to the top of the pole and retrieve the emerald fly won the game; however, after 60 spider minutes (which were the same as human minutes – except that – each minute was comprised of 8 seconds instead of 60) the emerald fly was released from the pole and free chased through the Spiderasium (…even sometimes into the crowd!). The only other way to win the game besides catching the emerald fly was to stick ball all the opponents on the other team. BUT – if you ran out of stickballs AND the emerald fly was not caught by either team within two 60 minute spider minute hours; a sudden death round was initiated on the Wrestling Web.

One member from each team was chosen, and spider-wrestled until 1 spider was knocked off the web. J.P.P. had been especially adept at this aspect of the game, and was known all throughout the Dead Log School District as The Leggend.

This sport, as it sounds, was not very lady-spider-like and McLeggins often got made fun of as a Tumbug [Tum: referring to male spiders large abdomens in opposition to the more feminine description of being a leggy-like lady spider.] McLeggins – for her part - had never much cared what other bugs thought, she loved playing Capture the Fly with her best friends: Furry, Barrel, and Fred, who liked her just the way she was anyway. Her self-approval and the love of her friends had always been enough for her.

High school was over though, and although it was never easy being a spider in any time period or age, it was even more of a complex endeavor in the current times she lived in.

Humans (or what was left of them) left ages ago…they had lived on this planet until it had become uninhabitable. Uninhabitable for them that is. Spiders (and most other insects that constituted 97% of the animal kingdom anyways) remained.

The humans left, the other animals died, but the insects adapted. In history class, McLeggins and company had learned that when the humans 1st left it was difficult, even on the insects, and many died. But – through resourcefulness and co-operation the insects were able to survive.

Over time, and through natural economic competition, the spiders had come to the top of Insect-o-ciety through their prowess, power and intelligence (…two extra legs didn’t hurt either).

Now that the planet was theirs to run, the insects didn’t have to hide as much from the genocidal humans, and were able to spread throughout the land.

There was, of course, representation of all insects throughout the whole land, but the spiders – the strongest and procurers of the most resources and controllers of most major trade and commerce – ran the Northwest of BugWorld. The U.S.A (United Spiders Alliance) is what the spiders named their region.

In the Mid-North, the Ants were heavily situated, with a red-fire ant majority. The name they gave themselves was The Red Colony. The Red Colony was known throughout all BugKind for their toughness, work ethic, and scientific ingenuity.

To the Far East, presided the Praying Mantises of PrayLand. The Mantises had felt historically slighted and exploited, especially by the spiders.

The South was split into 3 main regions. The bees dominated the Southwest in Beemerica. The caterpillars, moths, and butterflies resided in the mid-South (the land known as Caterfrica) and the South-East was called Moskeetland.

*Footnote: The black triangle, in the top right of the map represents the mountain range that runs through the middle border of the map. This mountain range is called the Anthropodi Mountain Range.*

While there was long-standing peace throughout all the land, Insect-o-ciety was not free from its problems. There was the problem of Global Storming for example.

Global Storming – a result of the waste product accumulation of insect entertainment, factory and industrialized commerce, and food distribution - led to a buildup of acidic wastes that leached into water supplies. From here, the polluted water would be been taken up into the sky (through the natural water cycle) and rained backed down on all of Insectkind.

This was a problem for Insectumanity and had already caused some diseases and illnesses in the South like Polka-Dotted Bee Spotedititus (…imagine! Bees with stripes AND spots…what a sight).

Another major challenge for BugKind was the threat of some of the radical extremists of the Praying Mantis Society. Rumor had it, that some of the Terrorpests had acquired Nuclear Pesticide Capability and were looking to payback the United Spiders Alliance, who had dropped the only known Nuclear Pesticide on the Praying Mantises long ago in the Great Bug War I.

Although SNN (The Spider News Network) wanted to paint all Praying Mantises as radical Terrorpests (and J.P.P. thought that any insect who harmed others for personal gain or agenda, religious or otherwise, was one of the purest forms of evil on her very own thinking mind you) she knew not all Mantises were bad. It was just the Terrorpests that were bad, NOT most mantises. But the Terrorpests were soooooo bad that they painted a bad picture for the whole area.

When J.P.P. thought of Mantises, she didn’t automatically think of Terrorpests (though they weren’t far from her mind either unfortunately). When she first thought of Praying Mantises, she often thought of her friend Whitey. Whitey was a white colored, homeless Praying Mantis, who resided by the dumpster near the street corner where McLeggins’ townhouse (she lived with her parents) was located. She didn’t know what Whitey had done before, or even how he got homeless – because he was the smartest, kindest, wisest insect McLeggins knew in her life, but J.P.P. always thought it would be rude to ask unless Whitey decided to tell her that information. Even for some bug as forward as J.P.P. had a tendency to be, she knew that was subject matter to be volunteered and not demanded.

J.P.P. had tried to bring Whitey some honey covered bread crumbs once, but he had surprised her instead with her favorite Sesame-Flyed bagels topped with strawberry cream cheese. McLeggins didn’t know how Whitey always had food – but somehow he always did – and he always shared it. As a matter of fact – he insisted on sharing it with J.P.P. when she visited.

So McLeggins made a deal with him, since Whitey always provided the food; she would provide the drinks. And both of their most favorite of drinks in the whole buggin’ world was hot coffbee. So that is what J.P.P. McLeggins most often got for the two of them to drink and enjoy together, along with each other’s company, and with whatever Whitey had for them to eat.

Sometimes though, if they were both a little tired of coffbee, and it was later in the evening, McLeggins would bring some Nectar Beer (she was of legal drinking age, and not a Nectaholic – thank you very much!). But that was only on special occasions…

Her talks with Whitey were some of McLeggins’ favorites. Whitey grew into someone she loved just as much as anyone in the world, and these visits also filled J.P.P’s current social void, since she rarely saw her friends anymore.

It was nobody’s fault, everybug was just out and about and having their own insect lives. J.P.P. was happy and proud of Furry, Barrel, and Fred and felt blessed to know and have them in her life. Not having them around gave her a chance to venture out and develop her relationship with Whitey, so it was the way it was supposed to work out she figured.

Life, the young spider girl was finding, was a lot like building an intricate and beautiful web. Single strands, taken on their own, may seem out of place or ill connected. BUT - as the web of a life kept developing, one would find that all the parts were holding together exactly where they were supposed to be.

Concerning these world problems such as Global Storming and Terrorpestism, Whitey would often explain that, It wasn’t always like this my girl. Things were never perfect, BUT – insects of all types used to be able to work and live together. I’ll tell you (Whitey was interrupted by his own coughing) there even used to be Mantises in the Spider Senate, he informed with a haggard raise of his eyes.

Really!? McLeggins responded in genuine surprise.

"Oh yes. You see, though the news would have you believe that all spiders are good, and all other insects not as good, it just is not so dear. All insects are made of the same guts, legs and feelers – there are good and bad of every kind of insect. It’s the decisions an insect makes by their universal ‘feelers of the heart’ that ultimately determines outcomes and consequences," Whitey reported.

McLeggins loved Whitey, and knew what he said was true. And even further, she thought that many of the problems of Isect-o-ciety may not be a direct result, but were neither helped by, her own great USA.

McLeggins loved her land. Also, J.P.P. McLeggins loved being, and was proud to be, a spider. She felt that spiders having a position of such power should be leaders of the great problems of the world like Global Storming, Global Hungery, and radical Terrorpestism.

But J.P.P. also knew that the spiders couldn’t lead without taking care of their problems within. The economic disparity between the richy rich golden abdomen class and the majority mid-abdomen class, who did most of the work, with the least compensation, was a major problem. There was also remnants of Insectorial racism amongst the difference species of bug (some species of bug thinking they are better than others just because of what color they were, or how many eyes they had…how silly…no!?).

Society was driven by media and sports to detract from these bigger issues. McLeggins own sport, Capture the Fly, along with Swatfly and Kickfly were among the most profitable golden larvae industries in the world.

Insects were also more likely in this day and age to know the names and insectsights of actors (from shows like the crime drama Breaking Legs and comedies like Insected Development) and singers (the likes of Lady Bug Bug for example, Tail or Sting, or Lil’ Wing) then actual leaders and insecticians of world affairs.

Golden larvae had become the linchpin of the Global Insect Economy. Insects spent larvae, much in the same way that humans used money. But - the great thing about golden larvae was, if you didn’t or couldn’t spend, you could eat it! It truly was a universal product that could simultaneously be used for food, fuel, or currency.

*Footnote: One quick clarification - while larvae does mean baby bugs traditionally, this was not the case of what was referred to as golden larvae – that would make the bugs cannibals, which while many things, they were not that [well…most of them anyway]. Golden larvae was the commerce name given to…it. What it actually was, was a fossilized yellow shrub discovered Bug ages and ages ago, at first ored in the mines of the Anthropidi Mountain range [refer to map]. The shrub was discovered to be delicious, and healthy, and had all sorts of benefits. With a limited supply, the shrub was studied and synthesized and produced in BugLabs by the best Bugineers and Sectientists in the world and was now used as stated above – for food, fuel, and currency.*

Golden larvae not only could be eaten and spent, but could also be melted down to be used as energy in insect machines and modes of transportation. Golden larvae truly was the backbone of Insect-o-ciety; it was like cheese on pizza, it