Against All Evens

ride….

Part 1

The dark stretch of road

W ATCH OUT! screamed the guy from the side of the dark curvy stretch of road that connected my office to the national highway. The road used to be pitch-dark at night with zero lights and bunch of trees on either side. People used to call it, the forest area. As I turned my attention towards the guy and back on to the road, a sudden jolt and bang, I hit the back of a big truck that was stationed right in front. I fell down along with my bike and the helmet came off my head and rolled onto the road. I was in a shock and my mind was numb. I couldn’t feel a thing on the left side of my body. As I was trying to get up, I turned my head to my left hand and saw that it was lying flat on the road. I tried to lift it up, but couldn’t. I was trembling in fear and thought that I had lost it and my mind was rolling with thoughts about my future, which I had to lead without a hand. Tears came out of my eyes instantly, and I found myself pleading, Whyyy? Why all these things happen to me? What mistakes have I committed?

I am not the kind of person who cries over physical injuries. I had fallen down from my bike so many times and had many injuries before. But my tears were the accumulation of all the emotional turmoil that I was going through at that moment. I was angry. Angry at God. Angry at myself and angry at all those people who made my life the way it was. My breath took pace. Out of frustration, I lifted my left hand with my right; the pain it offered was right out of hell. I held onto it as tight as I could, and all of a sudden, I could feel my hand and was able to move my fingers and life was surging through it all again. Maybe, the God whom I prayed got scared by my outburst. But the pain made me dizzy. I could hear faint voices of the ongoing crowd that had gathered there. Somebody suggested that I should be taken to a hospital in an auto trolley.They tried to lift me up. With a drowsy mind, I rejected to go. I asked them, somebody, please call 108, and they called. The ambulance arrived to the spot in 6–8 minutes. 108 was the emergency ambulance equipped with a first-aid service, for which my company used to be the sponsor. I thought, it would take me to the hospital faster. Once it arrived, they put me on a stretcher and lifted me into the vehicle and that’s when I said, Stop please. My bike. I can’t leave it here. It was not just a bike. I had so many memories attached to it. A person from the crowd said, Don’t worry. I stay in the nearby village. I will take it with me. My name is Ramesh. Once you are cured, you could come and take your bike. Trust me. I couldn’t even look at his face properly in the dark, but I was helpless and he was the only hope. I couldn’t take down his number too. All I remember was his name.

Once I was taken inside the ambulance, the first-aid doctors asked somebody from the crowd to accompany me to the hospital. But nobody was ready to go. Probably, they thought that it was an accident case and there would be police involved. The doctors were not ready to take me to the hospital unless somebody accompanied me. I told the doctors that they can call one of the numbers from my phone’s dialed log and ask the person to come to the hospital. But still, they were not ready. I got mad at them and with all the mess that was going on. I took my company ID out of my shirt’s pocket, flashed at them and said, Look, I am from the same company that sponsors this service. Now, will you take me to the hospital or shall I complain to the authorities? Guess what? The warning worked and they immediately took me to the hospital. On the way, they asked me whom to call. I thought for some time and asked them to call Rishi.

Part 2

I wish I wasn’t there

Rishi and my girl, Shruti, were friends since their graduation, and he used to take care of her since the beginning of their relationship. He was like a guardian to her all the while. Shruti’s parents were residing in the city of temples, and she used to stay with her grandma in a town in Telangana for her studies and later moved to Hyderabad where she got a job in the same company for which I was working. She belonged to an orthodox religious family, and her parents, always felt that a girl child was just a burden from whom, they had to shake their hands off as soon as possible. So, her parents left her at her grandma’s home. After much hue and cry from Shruti, her parents got her admitted to an engineering college there, but her grandparents themselves were not in a position to afford her. They were dependent on the meager money that they used to get from their sons. But still they supported her in whatever way they could, till the completion of her graduation. During this time, she frequently fell ill and in a short while got diagnosed with severe arthritis. It was the worst time of her life when she was on bed and wasn’t able to move. Her parents refused to visit her as they had to spend money on her treatment. All this while, Rishi was the only person who took care of her. He went for some temporary jobs after college hours and spent all his money on her treatment and medicines. Apart from that,he also took care of all her needs while she was completely in bed.

Back in the hospital…

I was taken to the emergency and the doctor over there looked at my hand. I asked him doubtfully, Is it something serious?

The doctor replied, Hmm… It’s a big cut onto your bicep. You have lost a good amount of blood. We have to clean the wound and apply stitches.

I thought, That’s not much bad as I had imagined and asked him to go ahead.

While they were about to get started, I got a call from my mom. With the doctor’s permission, I received the call.

Hello ma…

Hello. Where are you? Did you start from office?She asked me as always.

I am in…err…an urgent meeting at office. I will be late home, I blabbered.

Okay. Drive back safe on the highway, she said in a caring tone.

Sure ma, I replied her and hung up the call.

The nurse who listened to the conversation smiled at me and I smiled back at her.

Soon after the stitches were done and I was bandaged, Rishi arrived at the hospital. I felt relieved after seeing him. He was surprised to see me in that state.He asked me, How did this happen?

I told him how I fell down.

Okay. How are you feeling now? He asked me by placing his hand on my shoulder.

Good enough to go back home. But before that, can you please get me a shirt from the nearby store? I smiled at him and asked.

Okay. Wait here for me. Will be back in few minutes, he said as he went to buy a shirt for me.

The shirt that I was wearing got drenched in blood, and the doctor had to cut it open to look at the wound.

After a while, we started from there on his bike. One the way he said, I didn’t tell about this to Shruti. She would get tensed otherwise.

That’s okay. I said in a thoughtful tone.

We were shopping for the marriage when I received the call from the ambulance doctors, and I rushed here immediately, he said.

Shruti’s marriage was due in three days.

Thank you. I think I have disturbed you. But I didn’t know who else to call. I said.

That’s fine. It’s good that you called me. Don’t worry. It’s not that bad.

Yeah. I will be fine, I confirmed, looking at the bandage.

And please don’t tell about this to Shruti till the marriage is over, he said.

I won’t, he asserted.

He dropped me home. Comforted my parents saying that it was just a small accident and left from there.

My mom came to me, sat beside me, put her hand on my forehead and asked, What happened ma? You should be careful while driving. Is it paining?

I replied her with a nod of my head. I was thinking deep while I was driving. It wouldn’t have happened if I was in this world. But I was lost in my thoughts about Shruti. Actually, I was talking to her. She wasn’t there behind me. But I got used to her. I couldn’t accept the fact that she was getting married to somebody else and not me.

The time arrived when the girl whom I loved so much was about to get married. The day before the marriage was the reception. It was in the evening. I, along with my colleagues, started from office to attend the reception. I was still on bandage and the wound was still raw. I thought of not attending by quoting this as reason, but then something dragged me to her. It was a promise that I had made to her. Back of my mind, I wanted to see how she looked in the marriage attire. I wanted to observe her face and the feelings on it. On top of that,I was curious about her behavior towards me when she would face me. My heart was filled with mixed emotions of anxiety and loss. We reached the hall and the entrance had the huge hoarding on which it was written, Shruti weds Ram.

Part 3

The feeling of loneliness

Ram was the boy next door to Shruti’s place at the time she was studying her graduation. He became close to her during the period and proposed her eventually for which she had agreed. Even though he belonged to the same community as Shruti, his sub-sect was different and hence he was not okay for her parents. But they loved each other since the time and they wanted to get married. Ram and Rishi knew each other and were good friends too.

Back at the function hall,

I, along with my colleagues, went inside the reception hall where I saw the love of my life standing beside her partner on the stage with garlands hanging from her shoulders and posing for the videographers. There was a DJ setup as well from which the songs were being played. We sat down for some time and then went on to the stage to wish the couple. She looked at me as I was approaching the stage and smiled. I too complemented her. Then we all took a photograph, congratulated the couple, and went ahead for dinner. As I observed her eyes, there were no feelings that I had expected. She looked happy and was smiling at everybody who wished her. At that moment, my anxiety levels came down and a bit of anger crept into my head and I thought, If she is so happy getting married to Ram, then why the hell should I feel sad? I will leave her and all her thoughts this instance and dance to the beats with joy.

We finished our dinner and came down. By that time the DJ was on full swing and all the relatives and friends were dancing on the floor. Shruti too had joined them and was dancing merrily. She always loved to dance. I looked at her happy face and said to myself, This is insane… and found a place in one of the ladies groups from my office and started dancing with them. Damn, the DJ had a great mix of tunes. I danced so happily that I forgot the paining hand. I danced hard, neglecting the pain, but all the while, I was looking at her, seeing how happy she was with her marriage. I broke at that moment. I lost myself completely. Lost to the girl whom I loved whole-heartedly. My hand regained the pain and it forced me to take a seat. I thought that it was time for me to make a move from there. I wanted to get out of that place. As I was looking at people rejoicing over the Bollywood tunes, a hand from behind landed on my shoulder and said, Are you okay?

YYeah. I am fine, I replied.

It was my colleague. He knew about me and Shruti. Everybody in our office knew about our love story. We didn’t share it with anyone. But ours was the only entertainment channel which our colleagues couldn’t afford to miss even for a single day.

Shall we make a move? I will drop you at a place near to your home, my colleague offered.

Thank you, Krish. But you guys please leave. I will go alone, I confirmed him.

Are you sure? He smiled at me.

There was sympathy in his eyes,the feeling that I hated the most when somebody showed upon me. I looked straight into his face and replied with confidence, Yes. Please carry on.

Fine then. Take care, he said.

Sure… I replied.

I accompanied them till the parking lot and sent them off. I looked back at the hall and then walked away from it. At that instance, I had no control of where I was going. My legs were taking me places. After some time, as I was walking alone on the road, lost in thousand thoughts, an auto-driver approached me from behind and asked, Sir. Where are you walking to? Need a ride?

Yes brother. Thanks for asking.

I boarded the auto and went back home.

After I reached home, I went to sleep without speaking much to my parents. My mind was tired looking at all the happy scenes at the hall and thinking about them. I was in deep sleep when I received a call at around 11:30 pm. With sleepy eyes, I stared at my mobile screen. It was Shruti. I didn’t want to pick her call. But I did after a brief pause, and heard her crying. One thing I couldn’t stand was her tears. I asked her, What happened?, with a glimmer of hope lurking in my mind that she had realized the strength of her love towards me and wanted to elope with me.

But she replied saying, Dad scolded me for doing all this. He doesn’t like Ram. I am feeling scared. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow at marriage. Can you come early in the morning and be with me?

Listening to her words, my sleep and hope, both just faded away and I was then fully awake. I consoled her saying not to worry and everything will be fine once the marriage gets over. I tried hard to sleep after she hung up but couldn’t. I was just staring into the dark the whole night. I had decided not to go to her marriage while I was returning home from reception. But then, destiny had some other plans for me.

I consoled myself saying, Okay. One more day and that’s it. I shall forget every single moment I spent with her. The next morning, as I opened my half-sleepy eyes, the truth was lingering right in front of me. It was the day of the marriage. Many of the thoughts had subsided already and I was almost numb. I took my bath and got dressed as usual. I told my parents that I was going to the marriage and asked them to come there at the muhurat time, when they were ready. I went to the same hall as the day before and heard the nadaswarams and mrudangams being played this time. The venue and mood was all set for marriage.

As I entered, Shruti’s brother saw me. He was standing at the entrance welcoming people. He looked at me and said, What is this, Anna? You are coming like a guest! I thought you would be here, helping us with all the arrangements. I had met him only once before, at Shruti’s home.

To his words I smiled and thought, Yeah right. I am the stupid who arranges everything for his girlfriend’s wedding. Don’t know when this guy stops calling me Anna. Anyways, it doesn’t matter now.

And I gave him the ready made reason, Yeah Varun. I thought of being here all the while but you see, I had met with this accident and I hurt my hand, so, I couldn’t come here to help you.

I asked him where Rishi was. He pointed towards the kitchen and dining area and told that he was looking after the arrangements there. I was able to see him and waved my hand to him. He too gestured back. I went to him and asked, How is it going Rishi? Where is Shruti? For which he replied, Everything is going fine. Shruti is in the bride’s room and all the ladies are helping her to get ready.

With his assurance I thought, Great. Then I need not meet her now. Anyways seems everything is going smooth.

I told Rishi that I would be sitting in the venue and went and sat in one of the chairs placed in the penultimate row. I had always loved the last couple of rows. Be it in school, college, bus, anywhere, I used to pick the last two rows. I loved that position because from there I could view the entire surrounding.

From where I was sitting, I could see the entire stage, fully decorated with flowers, and the bridegroom sitting there performing the rituals as the pundit suggested him to do. The bride has not arrived to the stage yet. There were around 1,000 people at the venue but I was feeling all alone. Nobody was there to disturb me. There were meetings and greetings going on all around. Relatives and friends were getting introduced to each other as it was a good family reunion. But nobody even bothered looking at me. I thought, Hmm. Why didn’t mom and dad come yet?

Being alone was not something new to me. I was alone all my life with no siblings and I got used to being like that. When I was a child, I used to play with myself by throwing the ball to a wall and hitting it with a bat as it returned. I never got bored with myself. But somehow, that moment, I wanted somebody whom I knew, to come and talk to me. Somebody whom I was close to, who can pull me out of that loneliness even if it was just for a moment.

As I was looking at the stage in silence, a voice called out my name amidst all the wedding noise, Hey Samar…

Part 4

The reality of Life

As I was looking at the stage in silence, a voice called out my name amidst all the wedding noise, Hey Samar…

It was Rishi. He saw me sitting aloof and asked, Why are you sitting all alone here? Come, I will introduce you to my friends. You will get some company.I reluctantly said, Okay, as I didn’t like socializing with people much. I wanted to be left alone because I hate it when I had to act in front of the crowd as if everything was normal, even though my whole world was getting destroyed right in front of my eyes. But I was good at such acting.

Rishi introduced me to his friends and I sat with them and we spoke for some time. Then I saw her. The bride, whom her uncles were carrying in a big basket and bringing her to the stage. She was sitting in it and was holding a coconut along with betel leaves in her hands. The designs of mehandi covered her hands like creepers. She was clad in white silk saree that had a golden string border. Her eyes were marked dark with kajal, forehead decorated with glittering stickers and her neck was adorned with gold laces. Her hair was tied with a bunch of flowers. The waist belt suited her perfectly and her jhumkas were swinging in joy. She looked so beautiful that I stood up and went to one side of the stage, to have a good glimpse of her. I observed that her uncles were trying hard not to lose grip of the basket while they were climbing the stairs on the way to the stage. Looking