When Your Church Feels Stuck: 7 Unavoidable Questions Every Leader Must Answer

© 2017 by Christopher A. Sonksen

Published by Baker Books

a division of Baker Publishing Group

P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287

www.bakerbooks.com

Ebook edition created 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

ISBN 978-1-4934-0780-4

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations labeled NKJV are from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations labeled MSG are from THE MESSAGE. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

"When Your Church Feels Stuck delivers practical solutions to difficult challenges. It’s a guide to reignite your church’s growth."

—Andy Stanley, senior pastor at North Point Ministries

"Chris Sonksen has a heart for stuck churches and stuck pastors—and a plan to help them get unstuck. In his new book When Your Church Feels Stuck, he walks church leaders through the process of moving from stuck to kingdom impact. It’s not easy. But it is doable. I encourage you to read it and find out how it’s done."

—Larry Osborne, senior pastor at North Coast Church, author of Sticky Church

Chris Sonksen’s new book can help your church get unstuck. He offers very practical and helpful exercises and tools to get your team moving in the right direction very quickly.

—Dave Travis, president of Leadership Network

"Chris Sonksen tackles an important issue facing many pastors who want their church to grow but feel stuck. In his latest book, When Your Church Feels Stuck, he walks you through a simple yet challenging process to help your church find the focus and strategies it needs to experience continual, sustainable, and healthy growth."

—Brad Lomenick, speaker and coach, author of H3

"It’s never about the answers. It’s always about the quality and relevance of the questions. Powerful questions are stronger than the best answers. Questions invite you on a journey, provoke your thinking, and engage you in the solutions. In his latest book, When Your Church Feels Stuck, Chris Sonksen will do the same for you. He will invite you on a discovery expedition, resource you for the desired destination, and celebrate with you God’s movements in your life."

—Sam Chand, leadership consultant, author of Leadership Pain

"Chris Sonksen has just written the manifesto on pastoral leadership. In his book, When Your Church Feels Stuck, Chris pulls the reader through a fascinating sequence of exercises and questions all designed to set the foundation for growth. I know I’m a leadership and ministry junkie, but I couldn’t put the book down. Trust me. You’ll feel the same."

—Dick Hardy, president of The Hardy Group

"Chris Sonksen is a leader, coach, pastor, and trusted friend. When Your Church Feels Stuck is a practical and helpful book for any pastor who wants to grow a healthy church. It candidly deals with the realities of local church leadership. Get a copy today!"

—Dan Reiland, executive pastor at 12Stone Church

Chris Sonksen is a fantastic leader who has given his life to raising up other leaders. His work and insight is field-tested in the trenches of ministry and seasoned with experience. In this book, he tackles the most important questions every leader must face to be as effective as possible in ministry.

—Jud Wilhite, senior pastor at Central Christian Church, author of Pursued

Chris Sonksen is a pastor, leader, and entrepreneur who writes with the wisdom of a seasoned practitioner, honed in the crucible of local church ministry. Every pastor will be a more effective leader and every church will produce greater fruit when they wrestle through these unavoidable questions.

—Gene Appel, senior pastor at Eastside Christian Church

This book and all the work behind it are dedicated to my mom. She always stood in my corner, rejoiced with me, and responded with a confident pride when I would tell her about my latest and greatest news. As this book is released, I can still hear her voice telling me, You can do it, son. Thank you, Mom, for always believing in me and establishing that belief in myself.

Shirley Jean Sonksen

September 4, 1941 – August 16, 2014

Contents

Cover    1

Title Page    2

Copyright Page    3

Endorements   4

Dedication    5

1. My Church Is Stuck    9

2. God Determines the Talent, We Determine the Choices    21

3. Making Excuses Will Keep You from Winning    33

4. The Six Phases of a Church . . . What Phase Are You In?    45

5. Question 1: Mission    65

What Do We Do?

6. Question 2: Strategy    85

How Do We Get It Done?

7. Question 3: Values    99

What Are the Guiding Principles We Live By?

8. Question 4: Metrics    113

How Do We Measure a Win?

9. Question 5: Team Alignment    127

Do We Have the Right People in the Right Seats Moving in the Right Direction?

10. Question 6: Culture    147

How Do We Change the Culture of Our Church?

11. Question 7: Services    163

How Do We Match What We Say Is Important and What We Really Do?

Acknowledgments    179

Notes    181

About the Author    183

Back Ads    185

Back Cover    189

1

My Church Is Stuck

It was Tuesday morning and the alarm began to make that annoying sound that screamed at me to get up. I typically jump out of bed pretty quickly, but this specific morning I must admit I was a little tired. As I began to get myself ready to head to the airport, I started to think about Pastor Jeremy. Today was going to be the first day we met face-to-face. We’d talked a few times on the phone, but today was the first official day of his church becoming a South Hills Church affiliate. Translation: our team at South Hills was going to come alongside him to help take his church off pause and move it toward a pattern of growth. The affiliate strategy is something that was birthed several years ago. It was a result of our team coaching churches toward change but realizing that they needed more than just a monthly phone appointment. They needed someone to walk alongside them and to help them build strategies that would lead them to momentum and move them toward becoming a growing and thriving church.

I finished getting ready, grabbed my worn-out, black carry-on bag, and headed to the airport. As I arrived I went through the security lines as I have hundreds of times before and boarded the flight fairly quickly. Doesn’t always work out this way (on-time flight, short lines, and a quick takeoff), but man, it sure is nice when it does. Despite hoping for an emergency exit row, I was stuck in the last row near the freshly scented restroom. I removed my laptop from my backpack and started to review the notes and church history information that Pastor Jeremy had sent me.

The report seemed fairly typical. It read like most of the churches we have partnered with. Pastor Jeremy had been at the church for almost ten years. The church had very little debt (he inherited the church and its building from a pastor who had been there for several years) and was located in a small to midsize town. Attendance was roughly 200 to 250 and the bills were current. The website wasn’t exactly the best, but overall it was okay. They had some fairly successful programs in place and a few part-time staff to help carry the load. Nothing too extraordinary, but nothing out of the ordinary. As the flight prepared to land, I put away my work. Soon enough I got off the plane, rented a car, and was headed to meet Pastor Jeremy.

As I pulled up to the church, it looked fairly normal. The building was architecturally outdated but seemed to be kept up okay. Like many American churches that are twenty-five years or older, it wasn’t positioned in the best part of town or on the busiest street. At one time maybe it was, but that is not the case today. There were two banners strung across the front of the church. One banner promoted the service time at 10:00 a.m., and the other promoted a children’s camp that was taking place in just a few weeks.

I stepped out of my car into the somewhat neglected asphalt parking lot and, after a bit of a search, located the right door to lead me to the office, where I told the front desk volunteer that I was there to see Pastor Jeremy. After I waited for a few minutes, a dark-haired guy in his late thirties or early forties—dressed in a fairly modern style and with a slight smile on his face—rounded the corner and I said, You must be Pastor Jeremy.

Please, just call me Jeremy. He waved his hand to motion to me and said, Let’s go into my office. We headed toward his office, stopping along the way to meet two of his part-time (or possibly stipend) staff members, one of whom was serving as the worship leader and the other as the children’s director. Once again I thought, Pretty typical . . . he’s compensating someone to lead worship and someone to oversee the children’s ministry. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

As we stepped into his office, I recognized several books on his shelves; books from great authors on the subjects of leadership, church growth, vision, raising up volunteers, increasing your giving, and many other books and resources dealing with these types of church-related subjects. (I also noticed that he didn’t have any of my books on his shelf, which in turn ended our time together and I went back to the airport.) All kidding aside, it looked like a normal office, with great books, a few pictures of his family, and a couple of important memorabilia on his desk. Again, pretty typical.

We sat down to begin the initial discovery phase of his church. This is always phase one of working with churches that become affiliates. Having a detailed discussion with the pastor and his staff and key leaders gives us real insight into where the church is currently, where it’s been, and what needs to happen to see it grow and become all God intended it to be. It wasn’t very long into the conversation before Jeremy began to be very transparent with me. Typically this takes a while, but I think Jeremy was tired of acting like everything was fine when deep inside he was screaming for help. He didn’t want to wait until we were in month three or four . . . he was ready to be honest with me and with himself, and he wanted answers.

He looked troubled, and he said with a tone of frustration and discouragement, Nothing I am doing seems to work. We average 200 to 250 every week but I can’t seem to get this church to grow. I feel so stuck. When I first got here ten years ago, they had been without a pastor for quite some time. When the former pastor left, the church was averaging 175 to 200. The church dwindled a bit before they were able to find a new pastor. I came in, and as they say in the church world, I had a honeymoon phase. The people were thrilled to have a pastor and we shot up quickly in attendance. That first year or so went really well. Sure, I had some people leave because I wasn’t like the former pastor, but they were quickly replaced with new faces. I thought the growth we experienced in that first twelve to eighteen months was because of me and because of the changes I had made. Looking back, it might have simply been the fact that they finally had a leader and it really had nothing to do with what I was doing. I’m not sure which one is right, but I do know since the honeymoon ended we haven’t really seen any growth at all.

He went on to tell me, "I feel so frustrated because we have tried so many things over the last eight or nine years. Programs, projects, big events . . . we have done it all. We get a little bump in attendance, people start getting involved more, and we even sense a little more energy on Sunday morning, but it always goes back to normal a few weeks later. I feel so discouraged because I see friends of mine who