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    Help! Where are the Instructions for this Child?
    Help! Where are the Instructions for this Child?
    Help! Where are the Instructions for this Child?
    Ebook104 pages1 hour

    Help! Where are the Instructions for this Child?

    By Monica Saurma and Françoise Selhofer

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    About this ebook

    HELP! Where Are the Instructions For This Child?
    Sometimes, parenting might look like a lost case. Sometimes, children run havoc in our lives - just so. Sometimes, children react in a way which looks utterly alien to adults. Sometimes, children respond with ideas and emotions which we would not expect from someone so young.
    Do you think you might have one of these "AMAZING CHILDREN"?
    In comparison, taming a tiger might look easy ...
    This is a unique book which gives an insight into these precocious, intuitive, determined children, who are full of joy, imagination, creativity and wisdom, yet they think and behave differently. Children who seem to consider themselves to be at the same level as adults.
    How to recognize them?
    How to better understand them?
    How to interact with them?
    This short, clear, practical book helps to explain these children and offers suggestions, tips and some novel approaches for parents who are searching for ways to communicate with their children in an atmosphere of mutual respect.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherMachandel Verlag
    Release dateDec 30, 2017
    ISBN9783939727873
    Help! Where are the Instructions for this Child?

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      Book preview

      Help! Where are the Instructions for this Child? - Monica Saurma

      Saurma

      1. Introduction

      Parenting a child can be a source of immense joy and immense frustration. Love and good intentions are not always enough and, despite all of your care and effort, you may feel that you are at an impasse: with some children, the old, proven child rearing methods simply don’t work. The most promising, precocious, intuitive, joyful, whimsical, creative and wise children can, at the same time, display implacable will and exhausting vitality. These children seem to refuse to fit in, which makes day-to-day life very complicated!

      These children, who seem to be appearing in ever-increasing numbers, touch our hearts and it is for them that we have written this book. Problems can arise within the family or at school, or both, and can be a source of great tension for parents and for other children in the family.

      What is going on? Why do parents sometimes feel so overwhelmed? Do we need to change the way we raise children? Should we reform schools? Are these children different? These questions were the basis for a working group made up of childhood professionals, psychotherapists and kinesiologists, as well as parents facing difficulties raising children they found hard to understand. This book is the fruit of our research.

      Problem children have already been widely researched and divided into different categories. For example, one hears about children who are gifted, high potential, precocious, modern or different. We have purposely avoided using any label to describe a particular child. While we have broadly defined the most frequently observed behaviors, we are trying above all to provide practical answers to make life easier for the child and for the people around him.

      In our practice, we are faced with questions from parents who cannot understand why one of their children is so different from her brothers and sisters. How do they deal with this resolute will? Why does this child resist orders so fiercely? Why does she always want to know why about everything and refuse to obey until she has understood? What can the parents do? Many children ask the painful question: why don’t my classmates accept me? Why am I not like the others? Some feel so desperate that they even talk about committing suicide.

      The world we live in has changed considerably within the last few generations. Parents are raising their children in a world which only barely resembles that of their own childhood, and even less that of their own parents. Children living in this different, less restrictive environment have also developed new behaviours. Adults often lack the tools to meet these new challenges.

      Each child is unique. Nevertheless, these children have many points in common. There are similarities between them, and certain approaches can be very effective in relating to them. Therapists and parents are seeing real changes, sometimes very rapid ones, by using the techniques described later on, such as Person-Centred Active Listening and Non-Violent Communication. These techniques are the result of advances in psychological research and have proved to be effective in child-parent relationships.

      For parents – just as for anyone who comes into contact with these children – these modern and effective communication and listening tools help to restore a real dialogue. They encourage an attitude of respect and empathy, trying to understand the child’s point of view while bearing in mind the benefits of clear limits and positive discipline.

      This book is divided into two parts. The first describes keys to help define the child and how he functions, i.e. who is he? It also offers an opportunity to think about a general strategy for the goals and the objectives of a successful upbringing. The second part, our Toolbox, contains practical worksheets explaining the proposed techniques, as well as a worksheet designed for children called How to get along better with your parents and friends.

      Our goal is to:

      • help understand the child’s own view of reality.

      • help parents tackle the complicated situations that arise every day calmly and with a sense of humour.

      • encourage the parent to see this as a potential for change instead of focusing on the problem.

      The basic tools proposed in this manual are effective for all children, but are especially well-suited to difficult situations.

      2. Description of the children: their strengths

      Many families today have one or more children who exhibit disconcerting characteristics: they simply refuse to fit the mould. Every child is different and every problem is unique but there are, nevertheless, some constants. Some children will demonstrate one or more of the qualities listed below and nevertheless experience a problem-free childhood. Others will have a harder time. The most commonly seen traits are:

      You have a baby who consistently astonishes the people around him. The difference is often noticed from birth. Some mothers say that even the pregnancy felt different.

      The child is particularly alert. Already, as a baby, he has an inquisitive disposition and a powerful presence. His precociousness is evident in his relationships with the people around him. As a toddler and small child he seems able to pick up on the emotions and feelings of others with a rare accuracy and to understand the overall situation. Full of energy, the child sometimes sleeps very little and develops early for his age in some areas.

      Examples:

      Christelle started talking very early. Her mother recalls astonishing remarks from her small daughter, whose ability

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