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    503 Bad Writing Suggestions
    503 Bad Writing Suggestions
    503 Bad Writing Suggestions
    Ebook50 pages51 minutes

    503 Bad Writing Suggestions

    By David Macpherson

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    About this ebook

    Bad writing doesn’t just happen. It takes time and effort. Bad writing is not something anyone can do. It requires a dedicated student to master the wrong turns and poor decisions that are necessary to excel in lousy work.

    There are many books and workshops that offer good writing advice. But none for bad writing advice. Where can we go to get the awful suggestion?

     Fret no more. We have spent years compiling this helpful and useless list. There is not a good idea in the lot. We have researched and tested each one of these suggestions and can assure you that no good will come of following them. We encourage you to embrace this collection and emulate the terrible.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherDavid Macpherson
    Release dateApr 6, 2018
    ISBN9781386030041
    503 Bad Writing Suggestions

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      Book preview

      503 Bad Writing Suggestions - David Macpherson

      503 Bad Writing Suggestions

      By

      David Macpherson

      503 Bad Writing Suggestions

      Copyright 2018 David Macpherson

      Dedicated to Heather and George

      Cover designed by Gary Hoare

      This work was created and performed as part of Listen: A Poetry Reading

      Every Sunday at Nick’s in Worcester Massachusetts.

      Contact: DaveMacP@aol.com

      Bad writing doesn’t just happen. It takes time and effort. Bad writing is not something anyone can do. It requires a dedicated student to master the wrong turns and poor decisions that are necessary to excel in lousy work.

      There are many books and workshops that offer good writing advice. But none for bad writing advice. Where can we go to get the awful suggestion?

      Fret no more. We have spent years compiling this helpful and useless list. There is not a good idea in the lot. We have researched and tested each one of these suggestions and can assure you that no good will come of following them. We encourage you to embrace this collection and emulate the terrible.

      You might accidentally turn out a good piece of writing, but do not be discouraged. With enough practice and adherence to the suggestions, your work will suck out loud.

      David Macpherson

      Bad Writer

      1.The only time to write is when you are inspired. Inspiration feels of a combination of a joy and persistent hiccups.

      2. Pick a specific place to be your writer's area and only write there

      3. Real writers create their first drafts using ballpoint pens and spiral notebooks. So let me ask you, are you a real writer?

      4. Write only in bars that have cheap whisky, the cheaper the booze, the richer the verse.

      5. Write only in coffee shops where they greet you by name and then let you take up a table for the day for a price of a decaf Americano.

      6. When you write in public, make sure you slam down on the keyboard so loud that people know that you are there, that writing is occurring. Having everyone around you know that you are a serious writer will do nothing but improve your work.

      7. Cry during the sad parts of your work. Cry during the funny parts of your work. Cry when you take a break from the writing. It helps you get closer to the emotions of your work

      8. Always have four drafts before you let anyone read your work.

      9. Outline every story beat of your work.

      10. Never plan out anything, create characters and an impossible situation and then write to find out what occurs.

      11.If you don't think your characters are real, then you haven't written.

      12. Planning your writing in advance means that your not a true storyteller.

      13. Characters are only there to move the plot forward. Your audience don't want characters, they just want a text that included blood and sex and explosions.

      14. Metaphors are for sissies.

      15. Have the last line of the story in mind before you write a word.

      16. Don't plan anything.

      17. A poem needs to be short, If it can't be read in under four minutes, then its not a poem, but a regurgitation of phrases.

      18. Never write in lists. People don't want lists. Lists are only for shopping.

      19. Have a list of at least of five friends you can call at any hour of the day so when you are stuck in a poem or story, you can call and complain about how unfair the act of writing is and they will validate you.

      20. You are a writer only when you get published by the New Yorker (that's a magazine, not a random guy from Manhattan with a printing press)

      21. Writing

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