Behind the Mask: Adolescents in Hiding
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About this ebook
If youre an adolescent dealing with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or suicidal thoughts, you know all about living behind a mask. In Behind the Mask, author Dennis Rozema helps you let go of the mask, reveal your true self, and become the person you were born to be.
Using personal examples from his work as a former high school counselor and adolescent therapist, Rozema helps teens (and those trying to help teens) understand the issues troubled youths face. Behind the Mask examines the following:
Three of the masks teens wear
The despair that lies behind the mask
Emotions and behaviors that fuel that despair
The relationship of the mask to addictions
The importance of love and trust, and how they can lead to recovery
Steps to make recovery possible
Behind the Mask shares the personal experiences of adolescents and offers quotes from real journals to illustrate how teenagers minds work. It provides information for young people to throw off their masks and live happier, more fulfilling lives.
Dennis Rozema
DENNIS ROZEMA spent twenty-five years as an adolescent therapist and crisis counselor for the Birmingham School District in suburban Detroit, Michigan. In 2000, he was named the Michigan High School Counselor of the Year. Rozema works in private practice serving adolescents and their families.
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Behind the Mask - Dennis Rozema
Behind
the Mask
Adolescents in Hiding
Dennis Rozema
iUniverse, Inc.
Bloomington
Behindthe Mask
Adolescents in Hiding
Copyright © 2011 Dennis Rozema
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
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ISBN: 978-1-4502-8357-1 (pbk)
ISBN: 978-1-4502-8359-5 (cloth)
ISBN: 978-1-4502-8358-8 (ebk)
Printed in the United States of America
iUniverse rev. date: 1/20/2011
To Trish and Meghan,
your love and your words live on,
helping others.
With knowledge comes understanding;
With understanding comes truth;
With truth comes love and forgiveness;
With love and forgiveness,
There is a light that erases the mask.
Disclaimer
The information, ideas, and suggestions in this book are not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Before following any suggestions contained in this book, you should consult your personal physician or mental health professional. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage that allegedly arises as a consequence of the use or application of any information or suggestions in this book.
Contents
Preface
Acknowledgments
Part 1: People Like Me: Who Wears the Mask?
Hurt
Where It All Started
Anger
Lies between Hurt and Depression
Depression
Spiraling Down
Alcohol and Drug Use
It Feels Right for a While, But It Only Makes Everything Worse
Fear
Formed in the Past, Living in the Present
The Loss of Love
Perception Is More Important than Reality
Choosing Life
Instead of Choosing Death
Part 2: Help, Hope, and Recovery
Confusion
Starting Recovery
Trust
It’s Their First Step
Awareness
Learning To Think a New Way
Letting Go of the Mask
With Love and Forgiveness, There Is a Light That Erases the Mask
Recovery
It Is a New Beginning, Not the End
Afterword
Discussion Guide For Behind The Mask
Preface
3/16/2010
If you are an adolescent dealing with depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts, you know about living behind a mask. You also know you need something to change. Perhaps that is why you picked up this book.
If you’re the parent or friend of someone dealing with these issues, you want to help, but you may not be sure how to help. What you will find in the following pages will not only help you to understand the issues being dealt with, but also teaches you skills that will make a difference.
My name is Dennis Rozema, and I am the author of Behind the Mask. I have yet to type the first words, and before I start, I’d like to explain whom I am writing to, why I decided to write Behind the Mask, and what I hope you get from reading it.
I have worked with adolescents, their families, and their friends for my entire adult life. I have learned to appreciate the tremendous difference that a caring family and friends can make when they really understand the issues that are being dealt with. They can then effectively help loved ones who are using a mask to avoid dealing with the issues that threaten them. It is for the troubled adolescent, and for the family and friends who love them that Behind the Mask is written.
The idea to write a book came to me years ago while I was reading the journal of a former student I was very close to. She had recently committed suicide, and her older sister had encouraged me to read her journal. The journal had been kept during the six months before my former student died. As I read, I found that she referred to me a lot. Although it was difficult to read, it was obvious that she cared about me—as I did about her—a great deal. She was an extremely intelligent, caring person with great insight and humor. Her journal showed excellent insight into the mind of someone who was seriously depressed and suicidal.
Because her sister wanted to keep the journal itself, I made a copy and have had it for years. In it was written, If I die, give this book to Dennis.
It is my belief that quotes from that journal and from other writings I have been given over the years will make an excellent book to help others better understand depression and gain insight into how we can help ourselves or those we love let go of the mask. Letting go of that mask helps reveal our true selves and allows us to live happier and more fulfilling lives.
As you read, you will see quotes from four different individuals. They are included by topic rather than by individual. One series of quotes may come from several different people. Different formatting and quotations will be used to separate their writing from mine.
For more than twenty-five years, I have been a school counselor, the crisis counselor for a school district, and an adolescent therapist. During that time, I have been blessed to have been given journals, notes, letters, and comments from the adolescents I have worked with. These students have been my best education. They have taught me how to be a better therapist, friend, and parent. Overall, I know my experiences with these kids have made me a better person. I am very grateful to all of them. It is from these experiences that I hope to help you understand not only the person who lives behind the mask but also how to reach out to him and give him the help he’s looking for.
I have learned from my experiences that the person others and I see from day to day is not always the person struggling behind the mask the person wears. Their writings, which so honestly describe their thoughts and feelings, do a much better job than I ever could of explaining the difficulties of growing up while facing life’s problems. I may have observed, and I hope, helped them along the way, but these adolescents lived it, and through their writing they explain the truth of what it is like behind the mask.
When I started thinking about this book and the masks that adolescents wear, I realized that there was certainly more than one kind of mask. Masks come in as many different forms as people come in different forms. We all come from different cultures. Even if the culture is the same, families live it in different ways, so every family is, in reality, a different culture of its own. And these different cultures deal with mental health problems in different ways. But depression is still depression. The feeling is the same, even if people have different masks and different behaviors.
No matter how different they may be, masks seem to boil down into three categories. What I think of as the cheerful mask is used by someone who feels a wide range of different negative emotions about herself,