Make The Circle Bigger: Why leaders stand out when others blend in

Make the Circle Bigger

Why leaders stand out when others blend in

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C. S Chiwanza

Copyright © C. S Chiwanza, 2019

All rights reserved. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

ISBN: 9781393683001

Contents:

Title page

Copyright

1. We are status seekers

2. Taking responsibility

3. The CODES of leadership

4. The need for belonging

5. SCARF

6. The value of support

7. Authenticity

8. Integrity

9. Escaping abstraction

10. Old dogs can learn new tricks

11. The hind leg treads where the front foot walks

12. The slippery slope

13. The power of gratitude

14. Kaizen

References

Bibliography

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams

We are status seekers

Kids have a way with words. They either say the darnedest things, or they will ask the most dumbfounding questions that will leave you wondering how they ever came to think of it in the first place. I am often a witness to such child-adult interactions. Some of the questions I have heard include: How did people manage to make the first tools if they didn’t have any tools to make them with?, Why are vegetables not as tasty as chicken?, Daddy, why are you right handed?, Is time real, or is it just something we measure with the clock?, Why do I have two eyes if I can only see one thing with the two of them?

The list of the questions is endless. Some of them jolt me to action to try to find out, and learn more about the subject matter, and others... well, not so much. One of those that I heard that drove me to digging and trying to find answers, more for me, than for the child, because I did not know him, pertained to lawns. I just happened to overhear the conversation between the child and his father as I passed them. You could say I eavesdropped. The father of the boy seemed to have just finished mowing the lawn and was working on the edges to make sure that they were straight.

Daddy, why do we keep the lawn?

I didn’t stick around long enough to hear the father’s response, which I would have loved to hear.

Why do we keep lawns? A brief look into the history of the lawn, which gets it’s name from the Middle English (from around 1066 to the late 15th century) word launde, which means a glade or opening in the woods where grass flourishes. It was also used in reference to a common area in a village where farmers let their livestock graze.

It is thought that such lawns were deliberately cultivated around English and French castles around the 16th century. Castle grounds had to be kept clear of trees and shrubbery so that the soldiers protecting them could have a clear view of their surroundings, which would prevent any ambush from enemies. By the 17th century grass lawns started to be seen on the grounds of the wealthy and elite members of society.

It was only the aristocrats and the wealthy who could afford the lawn, because it required dedicated labour to maintain it. The working class and peasants could not afford the lawn for reasons that include: the lack of time to spend tending to it, as they hardly ever had any time to relax after working. The peasants could not unleash their livestock onto the lawn to ‘mow’ it, because their hooves would damage the grass. And overgrazing was a huge possibility.

The maintenance of a lawn required the financial means, which was a preserve of the wealthy and the aristocrats. Lawns proclaimed two distinct messages to the world: I have so much land, I can dedicate some of it to growing grass and that I have so much money and resources, I am able to pay someone or some people to tend to my grass so that it looks nice.

As time went on, the growth of the middle class saw a class of people who had never been unable to afford both the land and the labour required to plant and maintain a useless patch of grass finally get into a position to afford it. Suburban houses afforded people with small pieces of land to emulate the wealthy, and the middle class copied the ways of the wealthy.

The lawn is a symbol of status. How well the lawn is cared for is a symbol of how well things are for those who have the patch of grass on their home. An unkempt overgrown lawn tells the neighbours that something is wrong.

~

Why did ancient Chinese rich people who lived during the reign of the Tang Dynasty bind the feet of young girls of ages ranging from five to eight?

The process of foot binding followed prayer ceremonies and the giving of gifts to the Tiny-Footed Goddess and the Buddhist figure of Guanyin who was thought to protect women. The process was carried out by a professional foot-binder, who bent the other four toes beneath the foot, leaving only the big toe facing forwards. The bound toes were tied using long strips of cloth, which prevented any further growth of the toes, and gave the foot a pronounced arch. The feet were routinely unbound once a month to check for any injuries or ulcerations, which would then be treated, before the foot was bound again. After that, the bindings were only loosened and tightened once a month.

They were called Golden Lotus or Lotus feet and were thought to be really attractive. The smaller the woman’s feet were, the more they were considered to be attractive, or even erotic. A woman with bound feet was forced to walk in small, light steps, as it was achieved with great difficulty. The Golden Feet were a mark of elegance, even though the process was excruciatingly painful and permanent.

Women and girls with Golden Feet had very limited mobility, and as such needed the help of servants for even the simplest tasks, so as a result, it was something one only found in the households of the wealthy and ruling classes of Chinese society. The who’s who.

The families whose daughters had their feet bound were proclaiming to the rest of the world: we are so wealthy we do not need our daughter to lift a finger or to move around much, because there are paid people to work and do her bidding. The families of the men who married these women were shouting the same things, they didn’t need their wives to lift a finger, because they are wealthy enough.

Because binding feet, and as a result crippling their daughters, was a status symbol.

~

And why did men in ancient African societies marry more than one wife? Was it because they had a higher sex drive that a single woman could not satisfy?

One of the primary reasons is because, men from families with bigger fields and lots livestock were the prized catch for young ladies because they could provide security to their wives and provide a decent upbringing to their offspring. They were the equivalent of modern-day children of the wealthy. Families on the other end of the poverty scale were well advised to forge ties and alliances with the community’s rich and powerful in order to secure better futures for their children and grandchildren. Those ties could be the difference between survival and death in times of famine, they could be the difference between living the life of the wretched and a better life. Some of these alliances were formed around, or strengthened by marriage, the union of the families involved.

What this meant is that the families with little to offer the wealthy would offer their children’s hand in marriage to them. As these practices grew, polygamy became a status symbol. The polygamous man’s message to the world was: I am rich enough to be able to take care of more than one wife, not only that, I can father as many children as I can, and I do not have to worry about them starving. Because I have the means to take care of them all.

~               

Status symbols are only relevant if those around you do not only see them, but also appreciate them. They are like perfumes and colognes, we don’t wear them to just sit and watch TV, because despite smelling good even to our own senses, we need them to be appreciated by other people. Why do we make a big deal about graduating ceremonies and parties to celebrate achievements? Because we want other people to see what we have accomplished. We want them to appreciate our efforts. An athlete who has run the same course for months and sometimes years does not feel accomplished if they do not run participate in an event with a lot of spectators to witness their ability. In fact, they train for that one moment to show the world that they can do it.

If no one gazed at the lawns and thought them nice and beautiful, then no one would feel the need to grow them, let alone spend money tending to them with mowers, fertiliser and all else that goes into taking care of them. If the ancient Chinese did not gawk and appreciate bound feet, then the practice would never have been have spread, or considered a status symbol. The same applies for polygamy.

It is for the same reasons why a lot of people feel the need to display their various degrees and diplomas in prominent places, beautiful picture frames on office walls. This is why we give the things we are proud of, things we value, prominent positions, where they are easily identifiable – so that other people can see them, admire them, and that raises our status in their eyes. In the same vein, we store away, hide the things we are not very proud of in areas we think other people will not see, because they have the potential to damage our status in their eyes.

Without community, status is hollow.

There are numerous other things we do to get the attention and perceived higher status of our peers, our communities and the world. If in my immediate community people consider iPhones to be a thing of high status, then I would feel the need to get one in order to elevate my status. In communities where higher education is a status symbol, more and more people will pursue it, while others might even go as far as forging degrees and other documents that attest to the fact. Depending on where we are, where we were raised and other factors, status symbols vary.

In some areas strong connections to gangs and gang leaders provide that. In others it is proximity to the political elite, in others it is driving an SUV, owning a motorbike, drinking expensive wines, hosting huge parties, having a position of authority/influence at a church or religious grouping... the list is endless.

Let us be frank, we all want the privilege of high status in the eyes of those around us, and people will do all sorts of things to attain it. The desire for status is a basic human drive. Because when we have status, we have the respect of those around us. And when we have the respect of the people around us, we have influence over those people. And when we have influence, we have power.

Status begets respect, respect begets influence and influence begets power.

When we have no influence over those around us we are powerless and powerlessness makes us anxious.

In the animal kingdom status often follows might, strength. The stronger ones have the respect of all those around them, they enjoy a higher status. For a long time this also used to be how status was earned and retained in the human universe, but a lot has changed from those times. This is why simple citizen movements driven by ideas and dreams have been able to topple dictatorships around the world. What is it that these citizens had that the military might that backs dictators does not have? Influence.

The dictators might have the power to coerce and manipulate, but they do not have the influence over those people, and when they do not have the influence, their power is hollow. One part coerces and the other wins the hearts and minds of the people. In school playgrounds bullies emerge when kids who feel that they deserves status and everything that comes with it find themselves without any influence over their peers. So they resort to the use of might. It is no different from the actions of men who find themselves unable to influence their spouses or partners, and choose to resort to the use of might and force to get compliance. Social media faces the same problems with people who want their voice to be heard and their voice to be influential but find  their voices being drowned in a sea of other millions of voices. So they resort to cyberbullying, belittling anyone with opposing views and trolling.

Trolls and cyberbullies simply use the same techniques as abusive spouses and school-yard bullies, they use might and force to get compliance. When people cower before them, they feel as if they are in control, as if they have power. But of course that power is hollow because without abusing those around them, they have no influence, and they have no respect. In fact, they have no status, but they assume that their might is status. They are no different from those that confuse muscles with strength of character.

In the  workplace there are people in positions of authority who assume that because those around them respect the office that they hold, then by default, they also respect them. They erroneously assume that the status of the office that they hold automatically rubs off on to them. They conflate the two and are often frustrated when they notice that the people around them do not respect them at all.

Now then, the big question is, how can we get that status that leads to influence and power, and be able to hold on to it for as long as we live? Money will get us that high regard, but the moment it runs out we fall from grace, the people from our previous social circles start to shun our company, and we are forced to climb down the rungs of the social ladder. When the external things that helped us in our quest for status are removed from us, or if we lose them, or if they are left behind in the wake of development, to go the way that things like CD players, typewriters, and all