MEMORY FAIL A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. ''May we see the new baby?" one asked. "Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?" "No, not yet," said the mother. After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?" "No, not yet," replied the mother. Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them. "WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why. "Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?" "BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"

GENNIE IN THE BOTTLE A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." The genie snapped his fingers and poof, the woman disappeared. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." The genie once again snapped his fingers and poof, the man disappeared. "OK, you're up," the genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." SCREWED UP An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!" There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay ..... NOW you're screwed." TIME A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer." JUMP NEWS A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied

"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

How many sides does circle have? outside and inside

Japanese There was a Japanese man who went to London for sightseeing. On his last day, he hail a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan." After awhile, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan." And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan." The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 150. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah...so expensive!" There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan." __________________

A gentleman An elderly gentleman was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms - Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and clearly they were still very much in love. While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his host, "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said, "I forgot her name".

First day at school... The child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?" The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow." When I C U When I C the moon I C U When I C the stars I C U When I C the Sea I C U Get out of the way you are blocking my view.

Perfect husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$65,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

I m "Joking"

Read and laugh. Boy: My father name is "Laughing" and my mother name is "Smiling", Teacher: you must be kidding. Boy: No, thats my brother, I m "Joking". BEFORE MARRIAGE: He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! Over and over! She: Have you ever cheated on me? He: NO! Why are you even asking? She: Will you kiss me? He: Every chance I get! She: Will you hit me? He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person! She: Can I trust you? He: Yes. She: Darling! AFTER MARRIAGE: Read from the bottom back to the top. Legal Misunderstandings...

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."

Funny skill test of the blonds. A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well... uh... that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?" Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "... think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer... wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and

I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear." Women Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."

Enter
kenapa di komputer ada tulisan ENTER? karena kalo tulisannya ENTAR, programnya 'ngga jalan-jalan, dong..... Gunung mengapa gunung berapi meletus? karena kalo mencair namanya gunung es

Orang Gila Dua orang pria pasien Rumah Sakit Jiwa (RSJ) berjalan-jalan di tepi kolam renang. Tibatiba pasien pertama menceburkan diri ke kolam dan langsung jongkok di dasar kolam. Dengan posisinya itu, otomatis dia menjadi kepayahan dan tersengal-sengal. Pasien kedua melihat temannya dalam kondisi kritis lalu terjun dan berusaha menolong temannya, dan berhasil. Diangkatnya ke tepi kolam lalu dia memanggil dokter dan bercerita bahwa ia yang berusaha menyelamatkan temannya itu. Lalu si dokter berpikiran bahwa pasien kedua mungkin sudah saatnya keluar dari rumah sakit, mengingat kondisinya akhir-akhir ini kelihatan stabil dan sehat. Keesokan harinya, dokter itu menemui pasien kedua dan berkata "Saya punya kabar baik dan kabar buruk buat kamu. Kabar baiknya, besok kamu sudah boleh pulang, karena kamu kelihatannya sudah sembuh dan pasti kamu ingin berkumpul lagi dengan keluargamu, bukan ?" "Tetapi saya juga punya kabar buruk. Temanmu yang kamu selamatkan kemarin, hari ini ditemukan mati bunuh diri di kamarnya." Pasien itu menjawab dengan kalem "Oo.. tidak, Dok. Dokter salah. Dia tidak mati bunuh

diri, tapi aku yang menggantungnya, karena dia basah dan biar cepat kering". Bersulang Dalam Bahasa China Ada kisah seorang Cina dengan seorang Inggris yang saling tak mengerti bahasa mereka masing-masing pergi ke restoran makan bersama. Dengan bahasa Inggris seadanya mereka saling menyetujui makanan yang dipesan dan ketika makanan datang mereka mulai makan. Setiap kali orang Cina tersebut mengangkat gelasnya, ia berkata kepada kawan Inggrisnya, "Gan bei!" (baca: kan pei !; artinya: "bersulang!"). Orang Inggrisnya semula tertegun, namun ia kemudian melanjutkan makannya. Hal ini terulang lagi setiap kali orang Cina tersebut hendak minum, ia mengucapkan "Gan bei!" (baca: kan pei ) Si orang Inggris ini hanya mengangguk, diam sebentar kemudian melanjutkan makannya. Tak lama kemudian orang Cina itu kembali meneriakkan "Gan bei!" sambil mengangkat gelas. Kali ini orang Inggris itu meletakkan alat makannya lalu berkata lantang kepada kawan Cina nya, "It's all right if you CAN'T PAY! I will pay !" Film Javanes Version Ini beberapa judul Pilem yang di bahasa jawa-kan.... emang sih ambil dari suatu situs... (myquran.org), ada yang mau translet ke bahasa yang laen??? Enemy at the Gates -- Musuhe Wis Tekan Gapuro Die Hard -- Matine Angel Die Hard II -- Matine Angel Tenan Die Hard III With A Vengeance -- Kowe Kok Ra Mati2 To? Die Hard IV -- Ora Iso Mati.... Bad Boys -- Bocah-bocah Elek Lost in Space -- Ilang Neng Awang-awang X-Men -- Wong Lanang Saru

X-Men 2 -- Wong Lanang Saru Banget Cheaper by the Dozen -- Tuku Selusin Luwih Murah Paycheck -- Kasbon Independence Day -- Pitulasan The Day After Tomorrow -- Sesuke Die Another Day -- Modare Ojo Saiki There is Something About Marry -- Meri Ono Apa-apane Silence of the Lamb -- Wedhuse Mutung All The Pretty Horses -- Jarane Ayu2 Planet of the Apes -- Planete Wong Apes Gone in Sixty Second -- Minggat Sakcepete Original Sin -- Dosa Tenanan The Abyss -- Entek-entekan Seabiscuit -- Klethikan Neng Laut Terminator -- Terminal Montor How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days -- Piye Carane Megat Lanangan mung 10 Dino Lord Of The Ring -- Pedagang Akik... Deep Impact -- Ngantem Njero Million Dollar Baby -- Babi Regone Sayuto Blackhawk Down -- Manuk Ireng Kenek Bedhil Saving Private Ryan -- Ngelesi Privat Mas Ryan (pancene goblog tenan opo?) Ibu Mr. Bean meninggal Mr. Bean: (menangis) Dokter bilang, ibu saya meninggal. Teman: Saya ikut berduka cita, sahabatku.

Dua menit kemudian Mr. Bean menangis lagi bahkan lebih keras. Teman: Ada apa lagi? Mr. Bean: Kakak saya baru menelepon, ibunya juga meninggal. Kenapa bebek goreng rasanya enak? Karena ada huruf b-nya Kalo rambut putih namanya uban, kalo rambut merah namanya pirang kalo rambut hijau namanya apa? Rambutan belom mateng Pintu apa yg di dorong2 sama 10 orang nggak bakal terbuka? Pintu yang ada tulisannya "TARIK" KISAH DI NERAKA Seorang warga Indonesia meninggal dan karena amal perbuatannya buruk lalu ia dikirim menuju ke neraka. Di sana ia mendapatkan bahwa ada neraka yang berbeda-beda bagi tiap negara asal. Pertama ia ke neraka orang Inggris dan berseru: "Kalian ngapain saja di sini?" Ia dijawab: "Pertama-tama, kita didudukan diatas kursi listrik selama satu jam. Lalu didudukan di atas kursi paku selama satu jam lagi. Lalu disiram dengan bensin dan disulut api. Lalu, setan Inggris muncul dan memecut kita sepanjang sisa hari." Karena kedengarannya tidak menyenangkan, sang orang Indonesia menuju tempat lain. Ia coba melihat-lihat bagaimana keadaan di neraka AS, neraka Israel, neraka Rusia dan banyak lagi. Ia mendapatkan bahwa kesemua neraka-neraka itu kurang-lebih mirip dengan neraka orang Inggris. Akhirnya ia tiba di neraka orang Indonesia, dan melihat antrian panjang orang yang menunggu giliran untuk masuk dari berbagai negara. Dengan tercengang ia bertanya: "Apa yang dilakukan di sini?" Ia memperoleh jawaban: "Pertama-tama, kita didudukan diatas kursi listrik selama satu jam. Lalu didudukan di atas kursi paku selama satu jam lagi. Lalu disiram dengan bensin dan disulut api. Lalu setan Indonesia muncul dan memecut kita sepanjang hari." "Tapi itu persis sama dengan neraka-neraka yang lain. Kenapa dong begitu banyak orang ngantri untuk masuk sini?" "Disini service-nya buruk, kursi listriknya nggak nyala, karena harga listrik naik terlalu tinggi dan sering mati, kursi pakunya nggak ada, jadi tinggal pakunya aja, karena

kursinya sering diperebutkan, bensinnya juga nggak ada tuh, karena harganya melambung tinggi, malah awal tahun 2005 mau naik lagi, dan setannya adalah mantan pegawai negeri, jadi ia Cuma datang, tanda tangan absensi, lalu bolos."

Kunci Ada 3 orang wanita meninggal dan menemui seorang malaikat di akhirat. Seibanya di hadapan malaikat, mereka bertiga diminta untuk menceritakan perbuatan mereka selama di dunia.. Wanita 1: Wah pokoknya selama di dunia, aku masih suci, tak pernah melakukan seks, dan belum menikah, bahkan aku tak pernah tertarik sama sekali untuk masalah seperti itu.. Selama di dunia aku juga sering berbuat baik.. Malaikat: Baik, saya berikan kepada anda.. Kunci Emas.. Wanita 2: Saya selama di dunia sudah pernah menikah, namun sekali2 masih selingkuh, tapi walau begitu aku masih sayang dan setia dengan suami saya.. Malaikat: Saya kasih Kunci perak untuk anda Wanita 3: Wuih, pokoknya aku ini benar2 Love dengan yang namanya seks.. Aku dianugrahi dengan tubuh yang hot dan seksi, sehingga lelaki tak mampu menahan gairah saat bersama saya.. Saya selalu memberikan pelayanan kepada para lelaki di dunia.. Malaikat: Kalau begitu, saya berikan kunci kamar saya!! Listrik Padam Rekan: Maaf saya terlambat. Saya terjebak di dalam lift selama 4 jam karena listrik padam. Mr. Bean: Tidak apa, saya juga saya terjebak di eskalator selama 4 jam. Lagu anak Lagu anak-anak yang populer ternyata mengandung kesalahan, mengajarkan kerancuan, dan menurunkan motivasi. Mari kita buktikan : 1. "Balonku ada 5... rupa-rupa warnanya... merah, kuning, kelabu.. merah muda dan biru..., meletus balon hijau, dorrrr!!!" Perhatikan warna-warna kelima balon tsb., kenapa tiba2 muncul warna hijau. Jadi jumlah balon sebenarnya ada 6, bukan 5 !

2. "Aku seorang kapiten... mempunyai pedang panjang... kalo berjalan prok..prok..prok... aku seorang kapiten!" Perhatikan di bait pertama dia cerita tentang pedangnya, tapi di bait kedua dia cerita tentang sepatunya (inkonsistensi). Harusnya dia tetap konsisten, misal jika ingin cerita tentang sepatunya seharusnya dia bernyanyi : "mempunyai sepatu baja (bukan pedang panjang)... kalo berjalan prok..prok..prok.." Nah, itu baru klop! Jika ingin cerita tentang pedangnya, harusnya dia bernyanyi: "mempunyai pedang panjang... kalo berjalan ndul..gondal..gandul.. atau srek.. srek.. srek.." itu baru sesuai dg kondisi pedang panjangnya! 3. "Bangun tidur ku terus mandi.. tidak lupa menggosok gigi.. habis mandi ku tolong ibu.. membersihkan tempat tidurku.." Perhatikan setelah habis mandi langsung membersihkan tempat tidur. Lagu Ini membuat anak-anak tidak bisa terprogram secara baik dalam menyelesaikan tugasnya dan selalu terburu-buru. Sehabis mandi seharusnya si anak pakai baju dulu dan tidak langsung membersihkan tempat tidur dalam kondisi basah dan telanjang! 4."Naik-naik ke puncak gunung.. tinggi.. tinggi sekali.. kiri kanan kulihat saja.. banyak pohon cemara.. 2X" Lagu ini dapat membuat anak kecil kehilangan konsentrasi, semangat dan motivasi! Pada awal lagu terkesan semangat akan mendaki gunung yang tinggi tetapi kemudian ternyata setelah melihat jalanan yg tajam mendaki lalu jadi bingung dan gak tau mau ngapain, bisanya cuma noleh ke kiri ke kanan aja, gak maju2! 5. "Naik kereta api tut..tut..tut.. siapa hendak turut ke Bandung.. Surabaya.. bolehlah naik dengan naik percuma.. ayo kawanku lekas naik.. keretaku tak berhenti lama" Nah, yg begini ini yg parah! mengajarkan anak-anak kalo sudah dewasa, maunya gratis melulu. Pantesan PJKA rugi terus! terutama jalur Jakarta-Bandung dan Jakarta-Surabaya! 6."Di pucuk pohon cempaka.. burung kutilang berbunyi.. bersiul2 sepanjang hari dg tak jemu2.. mengangguk2 sambil bernyanyi tri li li..li..li..li..li.."

Ini juga menyesatkan dan tidak mengajarkan kepada anak2 akan realita yg sebenarnya. Burung kutilang itu kalo nyanyi bunyinya cuit..cuit..cuit..! kalo tri li li li li itu bunyi kalo yang nyanyi orang, bukan burung! 7. "Pok ame ame.. belalang kupu2.. siang makan nasi, kalo malam minum susu.." Kalo anak kecil, karena belom boleh maem nasi, jadi gak pagi gak malem ya minum susu!

Cara Pasien RS Jiwa Bernyanyi Seorang pasien RS Jiwa nyanyi sambil telentang,.. ..berhenti sebentar lantas telungkup dan Nyanyi lagi. Dokter tanya: "Kenapa begitu???" Jawabnya: "Tadi Side A, sekarang Side B" *LOGIKA LAKI-LAKI Seorang suami dan istrinya tengah menghadiri sidang perceraian. Dalam sidang akan diputuskan siapa yang berhak mendapat hak asuh anak. Sambil berteriak histeris dan melompat-lompat si istri berkata, Yang mulia, saya yang mengandung, melahirkan bayi itu ke dunia dengan kesakitan dan kesabaran saya, anak itu harus menjadi hak asuh saya! Hakim lalu berkata kepada pihak suami, Apa pembelaan Anda terhadap tuntutan istri Anda. Si suami diam sebentar, dengan nada datar ia berkata, Yang mulia, jika saya memasukkan koin ke mesin minuman kaleng, mesinnya bergoyang sebentar lalu minumannya keluar, menurut pak hakim minumannya milik saya atau mesinnya?

*FOTO Istri: Kamu selalu membawa fotoku di dompetmu setiap pergi ke kantor. Kenapa? Suami: Supaya kalau ada masalah, seberat apapun, aku akan memandang fotomu dan masalah itupun lenyap. Istri: Oh... itu kedengarannya manis sekali. Rupanya fotoku punya pengaruh yang hebat juga ya buatmu. Suami: Tentu saja. Aku cukup memandang foto itu dan berkata pada diri sendiri, sebesar apapun masalah yang kuhadapi takkan mungkin bisa lebih besar dari ini!