A More Picturesque Speech The "Reader's Digest" (New York) gives us these examples of the movement towards a more

picturesque speech: A hat as dated as a calendar (George Jean Nathan) As silent as a man being shaved (13th Century Italian) As inefficient as a brand new towel As eloquent as a travel folder (Richard Sherman) As still as an image in a niche (W. Somerset Maugham) As inquisitive as an X-ray As homeless as a poker chip (H. C. Witwer) A movie star of the first pulchritude (H. E. Dolan) Beginning to cut his pinwhiskers (Edwin K. Warner) A red-tape worn in one of the government bureaus (Erich Rath) He and his wife are idiosynchronised (A. L. Mackin) Smotherly love Trying to live up to their yearned income Her face was her chaperon (Rupert Hughes) She had the comforting capacity of making molehills out of mountains (A. J. Cronin) She didn't want advice; she only used you as a waste-basket, for her worries (Elizabeth Cambridge) Birds began to pay heaven for their night's rest (Anthony Thorne) Candles made the darkness visible (L. V. Redman) An eyelash moon (William B. Robey) Water-dust at the foot of the falls

It was so hot the shadows shrank under the bushes (Frank Norris) A huge wall of water towered over them-you could measure it only with your horror (W. Somerset Maugham). Weather So dry, the Baptists are sprinkling and the Methodists are using a damp washcloth. Raining so hard the animals are starting to pair up. A frog-choker (heavy rain) Food & Drinks Cackle fruit (eggs) [John Matthews, Pirates] Coffee strong enough to float an iron wedge Im just fine Im finer than frog hair split four ways

Im still on the north side of the grass

Here are some more randomly assorted gems: Hes been in the ignorant oil (drunk) Shes about a half a bubble off plumb (not quite right) Whatever frosts your cupcakes So poor I cant even pay attention Im sorry, my tongue got in front of my eyetooth and I couldnt see what I was sayin Youre skinning this cat. Im just holding the legs [Heard from a co-worker] I dont have a dog in that fight [Another co-worker] Busy as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs Get your straw out of my kool aid (mind your own business/leave me to my delusions; I like em) If pigs had wings theyd be pigeons (when someones been playing what if) Struggle-buggy (police car) [L. Sprague deCamp, The Wheels of If] Cooked duck flies away (spoiled at the last moment) [TV series Firefly a transliterated Chinese phrase, probably mangled but still a great expression!] Drawing a snake and adding feet (unnecessarily complicating things) [Also Firefly] Mad as a box of frogs Going at it hammer and tongs [C.S. Lewis, one of the Chronicles of Narnia] Given a rock and a chance, see which one breaks the window [Caedmons Call lyric, Table for Two]

A couple relate to the Southern experience: Crazier than a sprayed roach Well, if that dont put pepper in the gumbo! And for my Northern friends: Fine as a new set of snow tires