Allison Jones Rebecca Agosta English 1101 September 23, 2013 Cover Letter When writing my snap shots

there were multiple things that went well. I feel that deciding the chronological order was good for me because I tried to pick the things throughout my life that had the greatest impact on my becoming literate in dance. Writing about my sponsor went very well because she was one of the most important adults in my life so writing about her was very easy. Also I feel that I did well at trying to full describe everything that was going on in that scene. One thing that was challenging for me was to be able to go back to events that were a long time ago and write about hem in detain, I talked to my mom about then. Another thing that was hard in some of the snapshots was making them long enough but trying to no repeat things I had already said. Also another challenge was there were multiple small events that I felt would be important for the article but they werent necessarily long enough or at a specific time, it was over a long period of time. The one passage I definitely want to keep is the Nutcracker story because this was the event that truly helped me to know that I wanted to grow and dance in some aspect for the rest of my life. The passage that I would want to revise would be possibly the changing studios to talk more about how the places were different, and how theses differences are a key aspect in my growth in dance from it.
Comment [t3]: Ill pay particular attention to these sections. Comment [t2]: Thats a great idea. Sometimes others memories are stronger than our own. Comment [t1]: Excellent MLA

A question that I have for my peer group would be do you think the way I wrote my stores gives a clear way of seeing my growth of literacy in my dancing? How could I improve on the order or description?

The First Class The wheels on the bus so go round and round, everybody sing along with me, sings my very first dance teacher Mrs. Ebony. At the age of two my parents knew that they had to do something with me and all the energy I had built up inside. Dressed up in my very own pink leotard, pink tutu and a bun in my hair, I was ready to begin. I took to it instantly, following every move of the teacher, and of course correcting them when I thought they were wrong, that was just my personality! I still remember the first time I walked into Brittanys Dance Studio ., I found it magical;, it was my automatically my playground. All standing on our own number to have our individual spaces, we began with plis starting in first and second position. I was so proud of myself., I could see my self in the mirror and I knew that I was doing well, to make it even better I had my mom there cheering me on. Everything we did that day I found amazing. I loved it so much I insisted to stay and watch the big girls., Sseeing them dance was truly an inspiration for me. After that day I would dance everywhere around my house, down every hall, dancing was all that I wanted to do. I would even walk around completely on my tiptoes after watching the girls on pointe. My parents knew that they wouldnt be able to get me away from these dance classes;, this was only the beginning.

Comment [t4]: I like the subtitles. You will also want to title the entire collection of snapshots, much like Kothari did.

Comment [t5]: haha

Comment [t6]: teacher? Classmates? Comment [t7]: So you were not a timid child. You were ready to get in there and let your presence be known.

Comment [t8]: Hah I remember these from when I was in dance (really young)

Comment [t9]: You are sometimes using commas to separate sentences. In the grammar world, people call it a comma splice because the two parts could stand alone as full sentences. My suggestion is to read the part before the comma and see if it could stand alone, and then read the part after the comma to see the same. If they both could be independent sentences, then use a period or a semi-colon instead.

The Nutcracker When I was seven years old my mom and one of her coworkers with a daughter my age got us tickets to see the ballet The Nutcracker. I was taken back by the whole experience,; we first went to a Nutcracker tea party where we were introduced to all the

Comment [t10]: I can relate to the magical feeling you received when you participated in dance. I thought (and still think) that dance was magical when I started too, and a lot of that had to do with seeing others dance (The Nutcracker) and watching movies with ballerinas. Plus, its just beautiful. Great starting snapshot. We can see how the passion was sparked at a young age.

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different characters and they previewed some of their dances from the actual ballet,. theyThey were all so beautiful in every aspect. I was even able to meet the Sugar Plum Fairy, who is the most prestigious dancer in the whole ballet, in doing this I was even more eager to finally see the show. As soon as we walked in the theater my excitement was out of this world. The orchestra began the opening number and I was automatically drawn in, nothing could take my eyes away. I was captured by their grace, poise and beauty. Every jet, jump and pirouette had me on the edge of my seat to find out more of the story that was being told. While watching I would go through and tell my mom about all the different moves that they were doing. I was so excited that I knew what they were doing; taking my classes truly had been paying off. After watching the dramatic story of Clara I knew that one day I would be her, but I went to a small studio where that wasnt possible. At the end we were able to go outside and meet the dancers and take pictures and get their autographs. I still perfectly remember meeting them, observing in detail each of their costumes, the perfectly sown sewn together tutus were one of the most beautiful things that I had ever seen. This one performance showed me the potential that I could have as a dancer, and I knew that I would do whatever it took to become this type of dancer. Every year after that I went back as saw this show, it always gave me the inspiration to keep dancing and always go for my dreams.

Comment [t11]: Cool! Comment [t12]: Ill stop correcting the commas here, and you can edit the rest for your portfolio. Comment [t13]: Did you think of them as dancers or as their characters? Meaning did you know it was someone just playing the Sugar Plum Fairy or did you think of her as a fairy?

Comment [t14]: I love the moments when the orchestra warms their instruments up so exciting!

Comment [t15]: You were able to understand the dance in a different way than non-dancers.

Comment [t16]: This shows what you love about dance, what motivates you, and how you had progressed as a dancer (understanding moves, etc).

The Change

When I was in 2nd grade my parents decided that they did not want me to stay at Brittanys Dance studio anymore because they felt that they didnt put enough attention into the younger dancers. So we searched around and found a new studio, Dance Theater South. When I walked in on the first day it was an entirely different atmosphere that I had to adjust to. As class began we were thrown into their style of class and their technique which was very different from what I was use to. At this new studio it was a much more professional studio. We were not allowed to wear other clothes with our dance clothes,clothes; they were very strict on this. We had to basically start over with some of the things we had learned because each studio has a different style of teaching technique. Yes, the things we had learned were used in our new classes, but there were many things such as jets and kicks that were performed differently depending on how the teacher wanted them to look. I was use to doing my leaps with a chas and how now they had us doing them beginning with a run. But being a dancer means having to take the knowledge that you have already had and putting it to use in the new skills you are learning, everything goes together through different things you have learned to put new dance moves together. Every year we moved up levels in each of our classes, which meant that we were constantly using the basics that we had learned from a young age to help us grow and be able to perform harder skills, which meant harder and more skilled dances. Without the basics that I had learned I wouldnt have been able to move up levels and grow more and more as a dancer. Through moving studios it taught me the ability to adjust to different settings and to be able to take the basic skills I had been taught and use them for the harder skills that I was starting to learn.
Comment [t19]: I see what you mean about this snapshot. It tells a little more than shows, whereas your other snapshots work to show more. Could you maybe narrate this through a particular lesson? Or through you observing what people at this company did? It has all the details, but it lacks your storytelling that came up in the previous two. Comment [t18]: Good, you have to constantly adapt to different styles, etc. Comment [t17]: What was their style? More professional? Does this mean that people were more serious? Did you have to act differently? What did it look like? Any numbers on the floor? The clothes detail is helpful!

The Ultimate Test In 8th grade I moved back to a studio that was ran by my original dance teacher, Mrs. Ebony. She had opened her own studio after the other one had closed down. This again was another challenge because I was changing studios, which meant changing my teacher, changing atmospheres, and changings dance styles. But, bBecause I had a strong foundation because of my previous training I was able to jump right in and dance like I had never stopped dancing with her. I had grown the ability to adapt to different setting and just dance. In only two years of dancing in that studio my ballet teacher thought that I had improved so much that I was ready to begin taking pointe classes. Taking this big of a step was one of the most prestigious steps of a dancer, starting the dance that will lead you to becoming a Prima. (Tthe prima ballerina was the lead dancer of the show, they highest skilled dancer in the whole studio). I was ready and determined and ready to take on this huge challenge that they were putting us into. To take a pointe class it meant that your teachers thought you were at a skill level where you know they way skills are to be performed and you will be able to put them out there in anyway they your teacher describes. In this class we were expected to have an advanced ballet vocabulary and know how to perform theses skills. We were not shown how to perform skills, we were told what combination to do and we were expected to do it right away. Tombe, pas de bourree, glissade, jet, Ms. Charlotte would shout and we would automatically perform these skills. No time to stop and think, just do. Being in a pointe
Comment [t21]: Ah, there you just did it! Comment [t22]: Great line Comment [t20]: Is there a visual way to describe this?

class was like going into a final exam of a class. The ultimate test of your knowledge and stillsskills. Being in this class you had to be one-hundred percent confident on the things you had been taught, because without feeling confident you can quickly question yourself while dancing and end up breaking an ankle because you stopped thought a more and were not focusing on what you were doing. Everything you did was important. One wrong move and you could be done forever.
Comment [t23]: ?

Putting Iit all All to the Ttest Senior year on dance team, I was chosen to be a captain to lead our team that year, something I had wanted since starting on this team. Being a captain puts everything I had ever learned to the test, because I would be teaching and correcting other peoples techniques instead of just growing my own., tTheir dance career was in my hands. I had to make sure that everything I was teaching was completely correct because I didnt want to be the person to teach them something wrong and have them question my leadership as a captain. The captain is supposed to be the person who has the highest skills and knows how to teach and train the others to all grow as a team. On my team I was put to the test every day because we had so many different skill levels on our team and we had to teach everyone on the same level, some pushing them too hard and others who felt like they were in a childs class. It was my job to make sure that everyone was being challenged and this was not an easy task. It meant having to make dances that were harder because they would have different skill levels happening at the same time. They were usually very stressful to teach but it always paid off in the long
Comment [t27]: Did you all have to dance the same moves or did you have different actions happening, where you could section people off by ability? Comment [t26]: Yea, I could see this easily happening depending on how much experience they have had outside of school dance team. Comment [t25]: Nice, so your literacy has gotten to the point of being able to teach and direct your peers, asking you to use your literacy in a new way and become a sponsor to others. Comment [t24]: Was the style of dance in the dance team at school like the dance you had at Mrs. Ebonys?

run. Being a captain made me realize truly how different other studios were, we had many girls who had be taught different things depending on where they had studied. Having the title of a captain was the hardest challenge I had ever gone throught, but it helped me grow more than I every thought possible. Not only just in my dance styles but in the way that I was able to teach different levels. I use to think that teaching people was an easy thing, you just show them what to do and they do it. But it is so much more than that, you have to make sure that each time you show the dance you are doing it correctly and the same way or else you and your leadership will be questioned. My growth as a dancer was astonishing because every time I danced I had to perform, no more marking, I was always being watched and had to prove myself each day.
Comment [t29]: This section has a lot of good insight. It would benefit from a direct example/anecdote like one specific time that being a captain was hard or one important dance/practice/etc. Comment [t28]: Good! Did the dance team compete? Perform for various groups?

The person Wwho Wwas aAlways tThere Though out my dance career there was always one person who was there to help and watch me grow, Ebony Delgado. From the time I was two years old to being in her senior level competition team, she was always there to push me harder and farther than I ever thought possible. Without this woman I can honestly say that I would not have the passion for dance that I have today,; she was my foundation of dance. She was more than just a teacher to me; she was a coach on dance team, a second mother, and a true role model. She would never turn any of us away when we needed something form her, and she always wanted to see us grow. My senior year she began a competition team because she wanted our talents to be shared, she was so proud of the things we had accomplished. I dont not think that I will ever be able to explain to her how much she has done for my
Comment [t30]: Love this line

dance career and for me as a person. She always pushed us to go past our boundaries and reach for new goals wheither it be getting into college or hitting our triple pirouette, sShe never doubted our skills. Without Mrs. Ebony in my life I can say wholeheartedly that I would not have to drive and passion that I do today. Because of her I always wanted to work harder and now I feel confident I in all styles of dance. She would always test my limits because she knew that I was capable of more. Because of Mrs. Ebonys passion for dance I am truly the dancer that I am today, she is the reason that I grew and continued to improve to the level that I ended with my senior year. I look back now my dance career, and she is a person who I contribute everything to,. sShe is the reason I can say I am a dancer.
Comment [t31]: This is a great, sincere ending. I thought this piece did work to show how you grew through dance (skills, leadership, passion, etc), and what experiences and people shaped that. The first two snapshots are more story-like, while the others are more reflective. If you want to maintain a more cohesive style, you may want to add anecdotes (small storiesconcrete examples) to your other snapshots. Ive asked questions throughout that will hopefully aid you in making choices for revision. One important thing you will need to do is proofread after your revision. I suggest reading SLOWLY the text aloud, having a good friend read it, or taking it to the Writing Center for proofreading instruction. Its all minor things, but it will work to make the essay very strong for your portfolio. Excellent work here the stories were wonderful, and the piece captured your passion perfectly.