*purple text indicates revisions made after initial teaching *blue text provides reasoning and rationale for

revisions Mini-Lesson on Revision: Adding W Details, Peer Reviewing and Conferencing 4th grade Powel Elementary School Goals/Objectives: SWBAT review a piece of narrative writing and pick out details that relate to who, what, where, when and why (W details) SWBAT generate ideas about how W details that are missing can be added to a piece of writing SWBAT conduct a peer conference in which they provide positive feedback and suggestions for improvement Standards: Common Core State Standards 4th Grade Writing o Text Types and Purposes CCSS.ELA-Literacy.W.4.3: Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, descriptive details, and clear event sequences CCSS.ELA-Literacy.W.4.3b: Use dialogue and description to develop experiences and events or show responses of characters to situations o Production and Distribution of Writing CCSS.ELA-Literacy.W.4.5 With guidance and support from peers and adults, develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning, revising and editing PDE Standards 4th Grade Writing o Standard Area 1.4 Types of Writing Standard 1.4.4.A: Write poems, multi-paragraph stories and plays Include detailed descriptions of people, places and things o Standard Area 1.5 Quality of Writing Standard 1.5.4.E: Revise writing to improve detail and order by making words more exact and varying sentence length and structure, where necessary Materials and Preparation: Students writing notebooks and folders The Summer My Father Was Ten by Pat Brisson Blank peer review worksheet (see attached) Sample, completed peer review worksheet Chart paper Students participating in the lesson will be told in advance and asked to pick a piece of narrative writing they would like to use [Quite a bit of time was wasted when students were asked to pick out a piece on the spot. Also, choosing a piece of narrative writing will make it easier for students to identify W details than a piece of non-fiction writing.]

Classroom Arrangement and Management Issues Classroom arrangement o Group of four students will bring their writing notebooks and folders and a pencil to the quiet carpet area in the library for launch and introduction/explanation of peer conference task This arrangement will allow all students to hear and discuss how the sample passage includes W details and get instruction for their partner work The library setting was chosen so that students would have a quiet space to work where they werent distracted by what the other tasks their fellow students were working on o Students will pick who they want to work with, and each student in the pair will bring the piece of work they have chosen to revise and a copy of the peer review worksheet to their own quiet spot in the library [When the students in a partnership were sitting next to each other, they tended to ask one another for answers instead of looking back in the text] Partner work will allow students to practice peer conferencing Separate spots on the carpet will help ensure that students have a quiet space to work that will allow them to remain focused on their task Students will be able to pick their own partners so that they feel comfortable sharing their writing and to ensure that they can work cooperatively together o Students will return to the carpet area with their writing pieces and completed peer review worksheets for the concluding discussion Whole group discussion at the end will allow students to share what they discussed in their conferences and offer suggestions to the students who share their work Management concerns o Distractions from other students in the room who are doing other things Carpet area is relatively isolated and students can be arranged in such a way that their backs will be to the rest of the room If there are other small groups of students working in the library, they will most likely be at the big round tables away from the carpet area o Students not understanding how to complete their peer conferencing worksheets and therefore not accomplishing anything during their independent work time Students will see a sample peer review worksheet so they know what types of comments are appropriate when highlighting something their partner did well and something he/she could improve upon o Students getting off task Teacher will circulate among students during independent work time Plan: Hook (10 minutes): o Students will meet at the carpet Each student will bring with him/her, a writing notebook and a pencil o Introducing revision strategy expanding writing through the use of W details

Commented [u1]: Have you given thought to how you will select students for your small group lesson? And then how you will partner students to support one another in their revisions? Commented [RB2R1]: Students will be able to pick their own partners so that they feel comfortable sharing their writing and to ensure that they can work cooperatively together

Read aloud with group: The Summer My Father Was Ten by Pat Brisson Pages 1-3 from book will be read to the group of students so as to present an exemplary use of the W details and give students an opportunity to practice picking out W details from a text [After reading the first page] On this page, the author is telling us about planting a garden. Notice how he uses almost all of our W details on one page! Who (is planting the garden) my father and I What (are they planting in the garden) tomatoes, peppers, onions, marigolds, zinnias When (do they plant the garden) every year in the summer Why (do they pick flowers from their garden) to make bouquets for the kitchen table or to give to Mrs. Murowski Which detail are we missing (where)? [The addition of the parenthetical comments will hopefully help those students who had trouble figuring out what type of information they should seek for each W detail.] As I read the next few pages, I want each of you to listen for how the author incorporates W details into the story. When Im done, Ill ask each of you to identify one. Remember that you must be able to locate your detail in the text if asked. [While reviewing their partners work, some students inferred or assumed details that werent actually in the text. Requiring the students to locate the details in the text now will hopefully remind them to do so later.]

Commented [u3]: This reads as more summative. It may be helpful for you to write out what you intend to say to students. Although it does not need to be read as a script, fleshing out your ideas will ensure you are being clear and concise during delivery. In addition, it may be helpful for you to annotate the text for W details that you think students should be able to pull out during the read aloud.

Body (13 minutes): o (3 minutes) Peer-revision of writing will be prompted by a worksheet provided to the students (see attached file) You will be given about five minutes to read a partners piece of writing While reading, think about the W details that we discussed after reading the passage from the book We will show you an example of how we filled our revision works heet so as to give you an idea of what to look for (we will fill out a sample worksheet for the students to see) If you cannot find an example of one of the W details within the writing, leave that section blank At the bottom of the worksheet, please be sure to describe something that your partner has done well and something that you could suggest to add to the writing o (10 minutes) The students will read over the writing sample and fill in appropriate sections of the worksheet o [Although it seemed more difficult for the students to accurately pick out details in their own work than in the read aloud text, the purpose of this lesson is really to help the students think about improving their own writing, and so it is important to keep this component of the lesson even though it may be more challenging.] Discussion (20 minutes):

o The group will reconvene on the carpet and discuss what they found in each others writing as well as make suggestions for revisions to that writing o One person from each partnership (selected randomly by the teacher) will read his/her writing to the group and the other partner will share what is on his/her worksheet Can you share examples of each of the W details that you found in your partners writing? What was something that you found your partner did well as a writer? What is one W detail that you found was missing in the writing? o After a partnership has shared their work, the group as a whole will work together to suggest ways in which the author who shared can fill in any missing W details What are some ways we can help these students use the missing W details in his/her writing? o At the end of the lesson, students will be challenged to spend a portion of their next writing workshop time revising some of their previous writing to ensure they have at least one example of every W detail Assessment: Peer-revision worksheet o Were students able to successfully pick out uses of descriptors such as who, what, when, where, and why in their partners writing? o Were students able to provide feedback with regard to what their partners had done well in their writing? o Can students give appropriate feedback through a suggestion listed on the worksheet? Discussion o Can the students work together to give suggestions to one another for improving writing through the use of W details? Writing notebooks (ongoing assessment) o Will the students model understanding of the workshop content by using the new skills to expand writing at a later time? Anticipating Students Responses: Management issues o We will begin the lesson/writers workshop by presenting the group with a reminder about group norms Respect each other when someone else is sharing Listen to all instructions before beginning a task Respect one anothers opinions o If a student is unable to constructively and productively participate with the group, the student will be asked to return to his or her regular desk work Content o If a student does not understand what he or she needs to look for in his or her partners writing, we will speak with that student individually and pull out another passage from the opening book to present the student with more examples

Accommodations: Students who continue to have difficulty filling out appropriate sections of the work sheet will be given more individualized instruction o We will look at his or her partners writing together and work on guiding the student to pick out details regarding the who, what, when, where, and why aspects o As soon as the student feels more comfortable with the task, we will let him or her work independently until more instruction is needed Students who finish the worksheet early o Students will be asked to generate more examples of each type of detail if possible o If both partners in a group are finished early, the two will meet together to share what they noticed in each others work before the whole group discussion