Anda di halaman 1dari 7

DON'T DO THAT!!!

YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART


HEART
by D. G. Dusza

SELF DIAGNOSIS SERIES

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. (Gal 5:22 2! "#$% &he arguement against men: 'Gen !:() &o the *oman he said, Great *ill +e your pain in child+irth, in sorro* *ill your children come to +irth, still your desire *ill +e for your hus+and, +ut he *ill +e your master.&he arguement, '.ro ):!2 !5 /e *ho takes another man0s *ife is *ithout all sense: he *ho does it is the cause of destruction to his soul... 1or +itter is the *rath of an angry hus+and, in the day of punishment he *ill have no mercy. /e *ill not take any payment, and he *ill not make peace *ith you....&he arguement against *omen: '.ro (2:2 3 *oman of virtue is a cro*n to her hus+and, +ut she *hose +ehaviour is a cause of shame is like a *asting disease in his +ones.&he target: '.ro !(:(( &he heart of her hus+and has faith in her, and he *ill have profit in full measure.-

NOVEMBER 22ND ABUSE MYTHS UNCOVERED


Foreward by Pastor Daniel
If you are getting stressed in your marriage your advice at the corner bar might be either ignore it and itll go away, or why dont you just leave. Your Christian friends might say you need to forgive and pray and maybe God will show something in you which is provoking the situation. If you have any fear of going home every day or receiving your partner each day, then this concise version of preaching is for you. It is so matter of fact, all people will benefit from it. his book is not designed to diagnose your partner or family, it is predominantly focussed on you. !ven if you are suffering from violence, one day the violence will cease and you will be effected. "o you want to take on this leagacy# If you are a victim or an agressor, a parent or a child, this book will help you understand what is going on and lead you onto the path of recovery. $buse and violence are different and if you fear for your life, then put this book in your pocket and go to a trusted friend or the police. "o not do it in an act of threat but a sincere move to give yourself some space. It is better to do it while the agressor is absent. %hat follows are an e&amination of ' signs that you are in or suffeing an $bbusive (elationship.
(Ref: 1996 - 2013 Divorce Source, Inc. Viewed Friday, 22 ove!"er 2013, #$$%:&&www.divorce'ource.co!&d'&!ain&divorce-!y$#'-uncovered-10().'#$!*+

- Index Signs of an Abusive Relationship...............................3 1. Fear - Scared to Admit It.........................................4 2. Isolation - A angerous Instinct..............................4 3. Accusations ! ont be the victim............................4 4. "ood S#ings - $e#are of the %npredictable.........4 &. Rushing In ! 'oosing (iving )ontrol.....................&

SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP


If you,re "ein- a"u'ed, 'ure*y you !u'$ .now i$, ri-#$/ 0#a$,' a co!!on*y #e*d !i'conce%$ion. 1u$ a"u'e i' a"ou$ %ower and con$ro**in- a !e''a-e. 2n a"u'er wi** of$en !a.e $#e vic$i! fee* a' if i$,' #i' or #er fau*$. 0#a$,' ca**ed !ani%u*a$ion. 3ani%u*a$ion crea$e' confu'ion and wron-*y %*aced "*a!e 4'ource: S$anford5. 6*$i!a$e*y, a vic$i! of a"u'e can,$ c*ear*y 'ee $#a$ '#e,' a vic$i! -- $#a$ i', un$i* 'o!eone '#ine' a *i-#$ on $#e 'i$ua$ion. 0#in. of i$ $#i' way. If you,ve "een 'ic. for a *on- $i!e you !ay wron-*y "e*ieve $#a$ $#e way you fee* i' nor!a*. I$,' no$ un$i* you,ve read a"ou$ $#e 'y!%$o!' $#a$ you fina**y 'ay, 70#a$,' #ow I,ve "een fee*in- -- you !ean $#ere,' ano$#er way $o *ive/7 8ne $#in- you wou*dn,$ 'ay i', 79e', I reco-ni:e now $#a$ I a! 'ic. "u$ i$,' a 'ic.ne'' $#a$ I crea$ed and de'erve.7 2 vic$i! of a"u'e never cau'e' $#e !i'$rea$!en$. 0#e a"u'er decide' #i' cour'e of ac$ion. I$,' #i' c#oice a*one 4'ource: S$anford5. ;er#a%' $#e confu'ion you fee* i' -rounded in $#e fac$ $#a$ you,re in an a"u'ive re*a$ion'#i%. <on$ro* can !a'=uerade a' 7%ro$ec$ion7 or a vio*en$ reac$ion can "e *a"e*ed a' a re'%on'e $o 7"ein- #ur$.7 >ven crue*$y can "e ca**ed 7%*ayfu*ne''7 "y an a"u'er 4'ource: ?213F5. <on'ider $#e %o''i"i*i$y $#a$ w#a$ you,re e@%eriencin- i' no$ %ar$ of a nor!a* re*a$ion'#i% and $#en review $#e 'i-n' a#ead. If $#e'e indica$or' 'ee! fa!i*iar and $#e 'i$ua$ion' *i'$ed are 'i!i*ar $o w#a$ you *ive wi$#, i$,' $i!e $o $a.e ac$ion.

1. FEAR - SCARED TO ADMIT IT


I$,' ea'y $o ca** i$ "y ano$#er na!e. 3ay"e you 'i!%*y 'ay $#a$ you,re a*way' nervou' around #i!. 9ou,re nervou' $#a$ you,** 'ay or do $#e wron$#in-. I$,' no$ nor!a* -- i$,' fear. Fear co!e' in !any for!' and in varyin- de-ree'. 0#ere,' $#e fear of irri$a$in- your %ar$ner and #avin- ano$#er ar-u!en$, $#e fear of "einin'u*$ed and #u!i*ia$ed in %u"*ic and $#ere,' $#e fear of "ein- %#y'ica**y a$$ac.ed. 0#ere,' $#e fear of endin- a re*a$ion'#i% and $#e fear of con$inuin- wi$# i$. Fear, in w#a$ever for! or de-ree, i' no$ a #ea*$#y %ar$ of a *ovin- re*a$ion'#i%. >ven if you #aven,$ "een %#y'ica* a"u'ed, fear can erode confidence and even co!%ro!i'e your #ea*$# 4'ource: <en$er for Re*a$ion'#i% 2"u'e 2warene''A Be*% Cuide5. I$,' co!!on for an a"u'e vic$i! $o !ini!i:e $#e 'everi$y of #er 'i$ua$ionA #owever, $#e ear*ier $#e di'$ur"in- 'i-n' of a"u'e are ac.now*ed-ed, $#e ea'ier i$ i' $o !ove on and find a #ea*$#ier, #a%%ier e@i'$ence. For !ore re'ource' on dea*in- wi$# a"u'e, vi'i$ $#e *in.' on $#e ne@$ %a-e.

i'o*a$ed. If you can,$ -o w#ere you wan$ $o -o wi$#ou$ %er!i''ion, you,re "ein- i'o*a$ed. 2** of $#e'e for!' of i'o*a$ion force you $o #ave a -rea$er de%endence on your %ar$ner, w#ic# i' e@ac$*y w#a$ #e wan$'. I'o*a$ion i' dan-erou' and need' $o "e $a.en 'eriou'*y 4'ource: Be*% Cuide5.

3. ACCUSATIONS DONT BE THE VICTIM


Vic$i!' of a"u'e of$en "uy in$o $#e no$ion $#a$ $#ey,re $o "*a!e for $#eir 'i$ua$ion. o$#in- cou*d "e fur$#er fro! $#e $ru$#. 1u$, 'ince accu'a$ion' are fre=uen$*y #ur*ed "y a"u'er', i$,' ea'y for a vic$i! of a"u'e $o even$ua**y "e-in #o*din- #er'e*f re'%on'i"*e for any$#in- $#a$ -oe' wron4'ource: S$anford5. 2n a"u'er $end' $o "*a!e o$#er'. Ra$#er $#an 'ay 7I,! re'%on'i"*e for !y ac$ion',7 #e,** re'or$ $o 7you !ade !e do $#a$E7 If you find your'e*f #avin$o accoun$ for your w#erea"ou$' durin- every !o!en$ of $#e day or if a #ar!*e'' in$erac$ion i' dee!ed $o "e f*ir$in-, $a.e no$e 4'ource: ?213F 5. Don,$ convince your'e*f $#a$ w#a$ you,ve "een accu'ed of !u'$ 'u"con'ciou'*y "e $rue. If you weren,$ f*ir$in-, for e@a!%*e, $#en don,$ ana*y:e $#e 'i$ua$ion for indica$ion' $#a$, %er#a%', your %ar$ner wa' ri-#$. Fa*'e accu'a$ion', %ar$icu*ar*y re%ea$ed fa*'e accu'a$ion', are a %ro"*e! wi$# $#e re*a$ion'#i% no$ you.

2. ISOLATION - A DANGEROUS INSTINCT


I$,' $rue in $#e wi*d: D#en an ani!a* -e$' 'e%ara$ed fro! $#e %ac., i$,' !o'$ a$ ri'.. 2 %reda$or .now' $#i', $oo. 0#e 'a!e i' $rue of an a"u'ive re*a$ion'#i% -- you #ave *e'' con$ro* and #e #a' !ore %ower if you,re i'o*a$ed. If you,re "ein- cu$ off fro! friend' or fa!i*y "y $#e %er'on you,re 'eein-, reco-ni:e $#a$ $#i' i' a $e**-$a*e 'i-n. 1e aware $#a$ a"u'er' of$en c*ai! $#a$ $#e %eo%*e w#o were c*o'e'$ $o you are ac$ua**y !edd*in- in your *ife 4'ource: In Bi' S$e%'5. 9ou !ay "e i'o*a$ed in o$#er way', $oo. 0a.e finance'. If you no *on-er #ave con$ro* over your own "an.in- accoun$ or credi$ card', you,re "ein-

4. MOOD SWINGS - BEWARE OF THE UNPREDICTABLE


Doe' i$ 'ee! *i.e your re*a$ion'#i% i' a %rover"ia* ro**er coa'$er and eac# $wi'$, $urn, dro% and ri'e i' un%redic$a"*e/ 3ood 'win-' in your %ar$ner are a $e**in- 'i-n of an a"u'ive re*a$ion'#i%. I$ !ay no$ even "e a day-$oday difference, "u$ a !o!en$-$o-!o!en$ c#an-e in de!eanor. ;ic$ure $#i' 'cenario. 9our %ar$ner 'ur%ri'e' you af$er wor. wi$# a "ou=ue$ of f*ower' and #e $e**' you #e,' !ade re'erva$ion' a$ your favori$e re'$auran$. 0#e -e'$ure cou*dn,$ "e nicer, "u$ w#en you infor! #i! $#a$

you #ave a %rior co!!i$!en$ wi$# your "e'$ friend #e "eco!e' an-ry and in'u*$in-. Second' *a$er, #e 'wear' #e wa' on*y Fo.in- and #e 'ay' #e *ove' you !ore $#an *ife i$'e*f. 0#e'e reac$ion' are no$ your fau*$, nor are $#ey nor!a* co!%onen$' of a #ea*$#y re*a$ion'#i%. 0#ey,re indica$ion' you,re en$erindan-erou' $erri$ory in your re*a$ion'#i% and you need $o eva*ua$e w#e$#er $o con$inue 'eein- #i! 4'ource: <en$er for Re*a$ion'#i% 2"u'e 2warene''A In Bi' S$e%'5.

5. RUSHING IN LOOSING GIVING CONTROL


0#e c*a''ic Bo**ywood *ove '$ory invo*ve' a cou%*e $#a$ .now' fro! $#e very "e-innin- $#a$ $#ey,re !ean$ for eac# o$#er. 3ay"e i$,' a 'i!%*e -*ance acro'' $#e roo!. ;er#a%' i$,' a connec$ion on $#e fir'$ da$e. >i$#er way, $#ere,' rea**y no need $o wai$ for a re*a$ion'#i% $o "*oo! -- $#ey Fu'$ .now. 2n a"u'ive re*a$ion'#i% #a' 'o!e 'i!i*ar $rai$'. 0#ere are a*'o a few di'$inc$ion'. 2n a"u'ive %ar$ner i' of$en =ui$e ro!an$ic and even 'wee$, e'%ecia**y a$ $#e ou$'e$ of a re*a$ion'#i%. 1u$ $#ere,' i!!ediacy $o #i' ac$ion'. Be !ay fee* a need for a =uic. co!!i$!en$, 'ayin- $#a$ you,re un*i.e anyone #e,' ever !e$ "efore. 0#e word' are nice $o #ear "u$ $#e under*yin- !eanin- i' 7I wan$ $o -ain con$ro* a' fa'$ a' %o''i"*e.7 If you fee* %re''ure $o #ave an e@c*u'ive re*a$ion'#i% or even $o -e$ !arried =uic.*y, $#i' can "e a "ad 'i-n 4'ource: ?213F5.

Divorce i' no$ $#e an'wer. Cod #a' 'uffered our a"u'e 'ince we were crea$ed. Bowever we are no$ $o 'uffer "u$ $o re!ove our'e*ve' and wai$ in %rayer for $#e %er'on wi$# $#e *i!i$a$ion $o $#eir *ove. If $#ey are <#ri'$ian or no$, you rea**y need %rayer. 9ou can ca** u' a$ Be*% ?ine. De are ready $o receive your ca**, any $i!e. ;rayer wor.'. Cod "*e'' you.

1 1rad*ey R.>. Dri-#$, 7<#ri'$ian' 2re Ba$e-Fi**ed By%ocri$e' Gand 8$#er ?ie' 9ou,ve 1een 0o*d,7 (3innea%o*i', 3 : 1e$#any Bou'e, 2010+, %. 133. 2 D. 1radford Di*co@ and >*i:a"e$# Di**ia!'on, 70#e <u*$ura* <on$radic$ion' of 3ain*ine Fa!i*y Ideo*o-y and ;rac$ice,7 in 2!erican Re*i-ion' and $#e Fa!i*y, edi$ed "y Don S. 1rownin- and David 2. <*air!on$ ( ew 9or.: <o*u!"ia 6niver'i$y ;re'', 200H+ %. )0. 3. <.2. Io#n'on, S. 3. S$an*ey, .D. C*enn, ;.2. 2!a$o, S.?. oc., B.I. 3ar.!an and 3 .R. Dion 73arria-e in 8.*a#o!a: 2001 1a'e*ine S$a$ewide Survey on 3arria-e and Divorce7 (8.*a#o!a <i$y, 8J: 8.*a#o!a De%ar$!en$ of Bu!an Service' 2002+ %. 2), 26. <o%yri-#$ (c+ 2011 Sou$#ern 1a%$i'$ <onven$ion, 1a%$i'$ ;re'' www.1; ew'.ne$ FIRS0-;>RS8 : 0#e <#ri'$ian divorce ra$e !y$# (w#a$ you,ve #eard i' wron-+ 1a%$i'$ ;re'' K Fe" 1), 2011 Source' <en$er for Re*a$ion'#i% 2"u'e 2warene''. 7Darnin- Si-n' of 2"u'e.7 (Se%$. 23, 2011+ #$$%:&&'$o%re*a$ion'#i%a"u'e.or-&educa$ed&warnin--'i-n'of-a"u'e& Bidden Bur$. 7Do!e'$ic 2"u'e Infor!a$ion.7 (Se%$. 23, 2011+ In Bi' S$e%' 3ini'$rie'. 71) Darnin- Si-n' of an 2"u'ive Re*a$ion'#i%.7 (Se%$. 23, 2011+ #$$%:&&www.crea$in-fu$ure'.ne$&a"u'ive.#$!* Jin-, Dr. Ieanne, ;#.D. 7Rea*i:e i$,' o$ 2"ou$ 9ou.7 ;reven$ 2"u'ive Re*a$ion'#i%'. (Se%$. 23, 2011+ #$$%:&&www.%reven$a"u'ivere*a$ion'#i%'.co!&e!o$iona*Lver"a*La"u'e.%#% ?ind'ey 2nn 1ur.e 3e!oria* Fund. 7Darnin- Si-n' of 2"u'ive Re*a$ion'#i%'.7 (Se%$. 23, 2011+ #$$%:&&*a"!f.or-&fac$'&warnin-L'i-n' Se@ua* 2''au*$ and Re*a$ion'#i% 2"u'e and Su%%or$ a$ S$anford. 7<on$ro**in- and 2"u'ive Re*a$ion'#i%'.7 (Se%$. 23, 2011+ #$$%:&&www.'$anford.edu&-rou%&'va"&re*a$ion'#i%'.'#$!*

Viewed Friday, ove!"er 22, 2013,

#$$%:&&#ea*$#.#ow'$uffwor.'.co!&re*a$ion'#i%'&advice&)'i-n'-of-an-a"u'ive-re*a$ion'#i%.#$! )