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Samey Slack Mrs. Knowles English 1- Block 1 7 February 2014 Depression: The Cold Hard Truth

I was six years old when I first experienced depression. I was in second grade at Bridgewater Academy. My teacher called my name and said my dad was at the front office. I got up and headed down to the office. When I got there, my dad brought me out to his forest green van. He opened the back door and we sat on the edge of the car. Why did you come here daddy? I asked curiously. I need to tell you about your mom. he replied. My parents had been fighting that morning but it was not unusual. They have been fighting since before I was even born. My dad had been depressed for a while and had turned to drugs and gambling. Your mom has been lying to you. my dad said, with a smirk on his face. She does not care about you, she does not love you. You could run away and she would not even bother to look for you. I could feel the tears building in my eyes. He continued to say stuff like that, and when he finally had to leave, I was balling my eyes out. My dad also came to my school the next two days. I walked back into the building and headed to class, tears falling from my eyes like water from a faucet. I walked into the room and the first thing someone said was, Hey cry baby. I lost it then and there.

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That night I went home and I ran to my room. I was upset, scared, hurt. I was depressed. This was my first encounter with depression. I hated everything and everyone. I felt alone, worthless, betrayed. I could not be happy; I had no reason to be happy. I felt that I had no purpose in the world. My parents finally got a divorce when I was seven years old. At the time I did not fully understand what was going on. I had told my mom many a time that I wanted to run away and live with my dad. My dad had moved in with his mom in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I went about two years without my dad in my life. I was about eight or nine years old when I started talking to my dad. He came down with my Nana Jo, and they stayed at a hotel. I was able to hang out with him a lot. I remember we would always go bowling and then they would bring me home. I finally overcame my depression in fifth grade. Teen depression is a serious medical problem that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest in activities. Issues such as peer pressure, academic expectations and changing bodies can bring a lot of ups and downs for teens. But for some teens, these lows are not just temporary- they are symptoms of depression. Some of the emotional changes are: frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide; feelings of worthlessness, guilt, fixation on past failures or exaggerated self-blame or self-criticism; loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities. Some behavioral changes include: insomnia or sleeping too much; use of alcohol; disruptive or risky behavior; self-harm, such as cutting, burning, or excessive piercing or tattooing. If you are having suicidal thoughts, get help right away. It is not known exactly what causes depression. A variety of factors may be involved, these include: biological chemistry, hormones, inherited traits, early childhood trauma and learned patterns of negative thinking. Many factors increase the risk of developing or triggering teen depression, including: having issues that negatively impact self-esteem, such as obesity, peer pressure, long-term bullying or

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academic problems; having been the victim or witness or violence, such as physical or sexual abuse; abusing alcohol, nicotine or other drugs. To be diagnosed with depression, you must meet the symptom criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Because studies on the effects of antidepressants in teens are limited, doctors rely mainly on adult research when prescribing medications. The Food and Drug (FDA) has approved two medications for teen depression- fluoxetine (Prozac) and escitalopram (Lexapro). Although antidepressants are generally safe when taken as directed, the FDA requires that all antidepressants carry black box warnings, the strictest warnings for prescriptions. Everyone is different, so finding the right medication or dose for your teen may take some trial and error. If you have bothersome side effects, you should not stop taking an antidepressant without talking to the doctor first. If you are pregnant or breast-feeding, some antidepressants may pose an increased health risk to your unborn or nursing child. Psychotherapy, also called psychological counseling or talk therapy, is a general term for treating depression by talking about depression and related issues with a mental health provider. In some teens, depression is so severe that a hospital stay is needed, especially if you are in danger of self-harm or hurting someone else. Getting psychiatric treatment at a hospital can help keep you calm and safe until symptoms are better managed. Now I am fourteen and am attending Early College High School. The beginning of the year was as scary as a zoo with uncaged animals. I hated it here and I wanted to switch to my base school. I started cutting once again. It took the pain away and made me feel like all the drama and the stress was gone. Then reality would kick in and all the pain and hurt would flow back in like a river. Around the end of September I attempted to overdose with ibuprofen. I got two pills and I only ended up taking one before I ended up passing out from exhaustion. About

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two and a half weeks into October, I attempted suicide. I took a belt and tied it around my ceiling fan. As I tied the belt, I felt something forcing me to get down from the bed. On November fourth I started dating a junior named Joseph. My mom did not know that Joseph and I were dating. I was only allowed to date either a freshman or a sophomore. Even though she said I was not allowed to date a junior, I still went out with Joseph. I was the happiest I had ever been and I was so happy I had Joe in my life. Since Joe and I could not see each other outside of school, we started having arguments about not being able to see each other. A couple days after our two month anniversary, we got into a major fight. Joseph was upset because we couldnt see one another outside of school. We ended up breaking up because of that. I was absolutely devastated and once more, I began to cut. All my friends tried to tell me that I should not cut myself because of him and that I deserve better. I heard things like, If he truly loves you he will come back. Do not worry, there are other guys. I heard it all. It took me about a week and a half to get over him. It was the worst ten days of my life; and it has only gotten worse. So that brings us to today. I rarely sleep anymore and my appetite has majorly increased. I still cut and I am still depressed. There has been a lot of drama going on at school, so that hasnt really been helping much. I am starting counseling Thursday, 13 February 2014; so that should help a lot. I am learning to live with who I am. I am starting to love my smile, because each and every day it becomes more and more real. I am realizing I have a reason here and so do you. You have a purpose; you just have to be patient and allow yourself to learn what it is.