Chapter One I am not going to think about his dick. But its useless.

As the muted anime continues playing on my screen, the beautifully animated schoolgirl falling on the hot guys lap, I cant help it. I have to think about it because its the only way I can get my moans to work. As the girls lips part, I moan with her, out loud, knowing that the soundproofed walls of my bedroom will keep my secret safe. Characterization is everything to a seiyuu, which means voice actress in English. Ah.! "he moan comes out right, but my timing is wrong, and I end up moaning the same time the #apanese$ %ussian animated hunk on the screen speaks.

Biting back a curse, I stop the recording and start again. In many ways, singers have it easier than us seiyuu. &ingers can be themselves and 'ust let the beauty of their voices shine through. But when you work as a seiyuu, you have to find a way to be yourself and someone else. (ou have to make your audience feel what you and your character are feeling, which ) in this case ) has to do something along the lines of I want to have se* +,-. In this case, Im no longer &eri. Instead, Im Aya, a good girl with a secret, a high school nerd who has se*ual fantasies of 'ust about every gorgeous guy she comes across. Nonot there pleaseohpleaseah.! "his time I gasp in perfect synchrony with the character on the screen,

my eyelids falling shut as my imagination sets my body on fire. &hameful as it is to admit, imagining Im the girl Im playacting is not hard. Actually, its so not hard because Im, well, sort of in the same boat. I have a very good imagination, is all I can say, but only where one boy ) man ) is concerned. ,n the screen, Aya and her guy are about to come. /y breath hitches with hers, and when their passion reaches its peak, its almost like Im e*periencing the same thing as my mind is filled with images of him0always and only him. And cut. I 1uickly press the stop button, finishing the recording and saving the file. 2opefully, its enough to get me a slot in

the second round of auditions. /y fingers fly on the keypad as I then design and label the cover of my audition 343. Seri Deveraux Audition DVD Applying for the role of Aya in Drawn: His Secret Toy "hat done, I move on to the application sheet, nipping the push$button tip of my pen as I consider the last few 1uestions that I had trouble answering last night. art !!!: lease answer the "uestions honestly# $e need to see if your personality is a perfect %atch for the character# Are you in love& Yes. !f you answered yes' does the guy love you (ac)& No. !f you answered yes' did you try getting his attention first& !f you answered no' what do you plan to get his attention& Mmmm how to get his attention5 4assi has every kind of woman throwing herself at him since he was fifteen years

old. -hatever I do should be something really out$of$this$ world 'ust to make him notice me. I write my answer with a smile, hoping that the mangaka ) which basically means the artist behind the manga $ would appreciate my humor in this. As I write my answer down, I cant stop grinning as I imagine doing this to him. (es, if I did this, Im definitely sure hes going to notice$$$ "he intercom bu66es, making me 'ump. 2ello, dick$$$I mean %ick5! I mentally kick myself in the head several times. "hankfully, our butlers paid to be impassive. /iss &eri, /aster 7yodor is asking if youd like to 'oin the rest of the family for breakfast.! 8mm, sure.! I answer slowly, a little confused since everyone at home knows I dont eat anything before noon.

Ill let him know then, /iss &eri.! %ick pauses. Also, /aster 4assi is home.! Dick. "heres an even lengthier pause, and I reali6e that Ive said the word out loud again. "his time, I bang my head against the wall for real. #ust the thought of 4assi under one roof with me is more than enough to turn my brain into se*$ drugged mush. I clear my throat. &orry ick. I mean it,! I insist when the butler doesnt say anything and even when all I think about is that. Dick! dick! dick. 2oly /other of %ussia but maybe I should get rid of my 4$card soon. It may be the only way to stop this obsession. 9learing my throat again, I say, Ill take a shower first then Ill be right down.!

**** I am not going to stare at his dick. I repeat this over and over in my mind, willing myself to believe it as I finish my shower and 1uickly s1uee6e into a white tank top and floral printed shorts. "e are going to do it right this time! #eri, I tell myself as I slide my feet into a pair of ballet flats. Im going to be affectionate like before and everything will get back to normal. -heres :eech5! Its the first thing I hear as I reach the foot of the stairs. /y heart threatens to 'ump out of my chest at the painfully familiar sound of his voice. I 1uickly make an about$face. I take it back. $ can%t do this. I totally cant. But its too late.

"here you are,! the same voice drawls 'ust before Im suddenly twirled around to face si* foot five of perfection ) and I wish Im e*aggerating, oh 2oly /other of %ussia, I really do. But Im not. Everyone says 4assi ;rachyov is perfect. 8nfortunately, theyre right. 2is blond hair is thick and shiny, making you wonder if running your fingers through it would be like touching golden silk. 2is silver eyes always have this almost$immoral glint to them, like hes dying to show how he can make your most sinful wishes come true. And oh, his face ) its enough to make a sculptor weep. 2ell, its enough to make me weep because I hate how beautiful 4assi is.

2is body ) oh, dont get me started on this. Its lethal, and the sight of all those tight rippling muscles makes you think of 'ust one thing< se&! the moan$inducing, rough, bad$ boy kind. I can say a lot more, but I wont. :ets 'ust agree that 4assi has everything to become a world$famous celebrity, which he is. &o much so that even $ feel Im being stalked, maybe because the paps believe ) and possibly his fans, too ) that by trailing me theyll get something about 4assi. 2a. "hey wish. I wish. But 4assi and I ) were not like that, or at least not anymore. 4assi lifts a brow at me, and I lift one back, stubborn pride rooting me in place even though my minds already panicking at how I cant control my breathing rate from

spiking. 'ulchritudinous! sartorial! puissant my vocabularys gotten really good in the past few years, mostly because a person tends to run out of ad'ectives describing 'ust how perfect 4assi is. -hen I still dont say a thing, 4assi demands in a half$ surprised, half$teasing voice, =Are you really not going to welcome me back5= 2is words, coupled with his 1uestioning frown, make me reali6e I>m still gawking. &napping my mouth shut, I give him my best spoiled$girl scowl. =(es, Im not.= I push past him, and as I do the sides of our bodies brush. . /y eyes immediately slide down, and I see what Im not supposed to stare at. ()lyad. "hat means fuck, and thats

e*actly what I cant help thinking every time I accidentally touch 4assi.

Chapter Two Vassi fucking me$$$I 1uickly lift my ga6e back up before he catches me staring. Even so, I cant get rid of the image in my mind. *assi +ucking me hard,,,I shudder at the thought, but sadly its not out of disgust. I 1uicken my steps, needing to put more distance between us. 2is pro*imity is like a contagious disease that shuts down my brain, accelerates my heartbeat, and disables my limbs. In short, Im a fucking mess. "he boys faces light up when they see me enter the kitchen. "heyre not really boys, but thats how I like to think of them, mostly because they only act like babies in my company ) even 4assi.

It takes me a while to cross over to where 7yodor is, seated at the head of the mahogany table. ,ur house has two dining rooms but we prefer to keep it simple, dining in the kitchen when we dont have guests. "he kitchen is vast, as every room in 7yodors gigantic mansion is. %ussians have a thing for big spaces, like they need to have everything as big as /oscow for a house to feel like home. 7or a second, I 'ust stand there, simply en'oying looking at my boys. "hey>re all really gorgeous, and every time I see them I feel all choked up because I can>t believe they>re my family. =(ou>re finally up,= 7yodor e*claims, motioning me to his side. Although in his early forties, 7yodor looks over ten years younger ) an e*tremely attractive dark$haired man who still

has women of every age double$taking at the sight of him. 2e likes to wear elegant suits even at home, and his old$ fashioned manners have a tendency to make females around him swoon. I bend down to kiss his cheek. /orning, ?apa.! But hes not really. 2es the man who married my mom about seven years ago, but even so hes more my dad than my real one. 2e beams at me. Are you happy that were complete again5! 7yodor likes it when everyone>s at home, which is admittedly rare, mostly because he and 4assi travel a lot for work. ,r at least I know 7yodor works while 4assi does0his thing. If I believe what the tabloids say, his thing tends to be long$legged brunettes with 7$cups. (es, -. I kid you not.

/m0! I make a noncommittal sound as I move to &ergei, my eldest stepbrother. 4assi gets to his seat with a grunt. :eech doesnt seem happy to see me back, ?apa.! Ignoring that, I kiss &ergei on the cheek. /orning,

&ergei.! 2es the one following in ?apas footsteps, and I dont think Ive ever seen him dressed in anything but a suit since he left high school. A smile softens &ergeis normally e*pressionless face, the cynical mask on his handsome features only falling away when hes with us. /orning, baby.! I move on to /isha ne*t. /orning, /isha.! 2es four years older than I am, but hes already finished two degrees in college ) and counting. /isha always has this scruffy look

going on< longish hair, one$day stubble, and rumpled clothes. But even so ) he still turns an impossible number of heads wherever he takes the time to step out of the house. /isha looks up absent$mindedly, the distraction in his ga6e only clearing when he sees me. 2ey, little dove.! 2e automatically raises his head so I can kiss him on the cheek. I return to my seat, which unfortunately places me ne*t to 4assi. 7or a few seconds he 'ust ga6es at me. "he way he does is unnerving, and for some reason I cant ever make myself look at him when hes staring at me like this ) like0 like in a way that I cant bear make myself say out loud. 2is 'aw drops at my continued silence, and he growls, (oure really not going to give me a hug5! 2es half$'oking, but its impossible to ignore the hurt in it, too.

I try to steel myself against it, but its no use. I look at him grudgingly. -elcome back.! Ah, :eech. &uch graciousness. Are you really turning @A or @B5! 2e throws his arms wide open, a se*y teasing grin on his firm lips. ,h, if only any of his millions of rabid fans can see him now. "o the whole world, hes the most aloof and moodiest of celebrities, a rebel without a cause, a superstar bent on never following anyones rules. And yet now, he looks so boyish, waiting for me to hug him. 9ome on,! he drawls. I try not to react when 4assi suddenly sidles up ne*t to me, and I try harder to stay still when he bends even closer, making me want to lean back.

2is silver ga6e intense, his face serious, he says, ;ive me a hug. (ou know you want to.! ,h, yes. But a hugs not the only thing I want. I want to kiss him, touch him, and lick him$$$ But because all of those are forbidden, what I do instead is kick him in the shin. ,ww.! 4assi glares as he stretches down to rub where I hit him. &erves you right,! I mutter while doing my best not to let anyone know how breathless 4assis got me. 4assi, stop teasing your sister,! 7yodor sighs out. I .as not teasing her,! 4assi answers right away. Im 'ust saying the truth. I know she wants to hug her favorite

brother.! But he isnt that. 2e never was. 2es my stepbrother and thats the problem. &ergei snorts, which he somehow manages to turn into something that sounds elegant as the rest of him is. (ou have never been her favorite$$$! Because Im the one she holds in affection the most,! /isha finishes without looking up from his i?hone. 4assi doesnt say anything. 2e doesnt have to, not when hes ga6ing at me the way hes doing now. /oooh. Its all I can do not to moan. &ometimes, I really think Im going out of my mind. -hen 4assi ga6es at me like this, silver eyes glittering as he looks at me under his lashes, I feel like hes undressing me, stripping me bare inch by inch until Im

totally naked in his eyes. 2e does this out of the blue0this unnervingly, shamefully, and irresistibly arousing thing with his eyes, no warning whatsoever, and it never seems to matter to him that were not alone. And yet$$$ I still cant be sure that its not 'ust my imagination. 4assis still waiting, and I can feel him silently smirking at me even though I know his face would be totally e*pressionless if I turn to look at him. Ah, damn him. -e both know hes right. I do want to hug my0favorite stepbrother. "he only stepbrother Im in love with. :ust wins over common sense, and I pretend to grumble, 7ine.!

7yodor chuckles. &orry, boys, it seems 4assis still &eris favorite.! &omewhere around me, I hear /isha and &ergei protesting ?apas words. But their voices sound distant, like Im in a different world, one where I can pretend Im someone else with 4assi. Even so, my reluctance isnt completely feigned when I move close so he could hug me. As his arms circle around my body, I gingerly raise my own to wrap them around his neck. ,ur bodies touch, chest to chest. Derr )mo. ()lyad. Chort. &hit. 7uck. 3amn. All my %ussian swear words come to fore at the heat that instantly envelopes me, turning insides to mush, making

my body go dry to embarrassingly wet in seconds. Any second now and Ill inhale his scent, find it addictive, and lose control. I have this terrifying image of my desire overwhelming me so that I end up pushing 4assi on the kitchen table and attacking him in front of the whole family. +o. I push him away without thinking, and 4assi falls off the stool. -hat the fuck, :eech5! 4assis growl is drowned out by the roaring laughter from the other boys. Derr )mo. +ow Ive done it. 4assi can be such a beast when hes furious. I peek at his e*pression as he gets back on the stool, cursing all the while, and Im pretty sure most of them are directed at me.

2is head suddenly snaps to the side, and our eyes meet, 4assis silver ga6e burning so brightly theyre like stars. #ust that one look and Im drowning in the memories of the indescribably hot sensation of having 4assi take me in his arms. (reeeeeeeeeeaaaaathe! #eri. 3o not let anyone know how horny your stepbrother made you feel. But its impossible, not without doing anything, so I kick 4assi at the shin again 'ust before running out of the kitchen, yelling over my shoulder, -elcome back, 4assi.!

Chapter Three Im not going to wonder if hes doing his thing tonight with his dick. But its a futile promise, one I break with every minute that passes by and 4assis still not home. -ell, not home e*actly since weve already moved in to our penthouse suite at 3e :u*. "he hotels one of the most e*pensive in the city, and all my friends think Im lucky to have my eighteen birthday ball here. I pace around the restroom restlessly, trying not to make any noise because I dont want to wake 7yodor up. Its 'ust the two of us, with &ergei and /isha telling me earlier that Im not to wait for them. I wish 4assi would do the same. /aybe hearing him tell me who hes doing will make me stop

having such restless nights, waiting for gossip websites to update and reveal what they know about 4assi. "he doorbell rings around midnight. Its 4assi of course, and he gives me a crooked grin that 'ust makes him more devilishly good looking. (es, devilish. I mean it, especially with him dressed entirely in black, shirt, 'eans, and shoes. $%m going to apologize a0out .hat happened this morning, I tell myself. I test a smile on my lips but then I see that his 'eans arent completely buttoned up, its 6ip half open, and I forget all about my promise. (ou smell disgusting.! 2e does. 2e smells like womens perfume ) another womans perfume, which I think is the most disgusting smell in the world.

4assi steals a kiss on my cheek as he bodily lifts me to the side so he can get in. ;ood evening to you, too, :eech.! I 1uickly wipe away the none*istent mark that his lips leave on my cheek. (uck.! 4assi smirks. +ot so according to the CD million

followers I have on "witter.! I roll my eyes. (eah, yeah, whatever. Im going to bed. ?apas already asleep in his room but the others are out. +ight.! Im about to turn when he says my name. Im having coffee,! 4assi says as he heads to the en suite bar. 2e switches the pin lights on, and golden light scatters across the room, creating an intimate atmosphere in an instant. -ant me to make you one5!

8hh, no thanks,! I strangle out. Everything feels so tense all of a sudden, but Im blaming it on the incandescent lighting. (ellow lighting always makes everything se*y. I start to leave again, and as I do I hear 4assi coming after me. 7or some reason, this makes me panic and I 1uicken my steps, but its no use. 4assis fingers wrap around my wrist, twisting me around and pulling me towards him ) hard. I fall against him. *assi1! :ately, its getting harder to pretend I dont see him as a brother ) or even a stepbrother. 2e looks down at me, an unreadable look on his gorgeous face. &eri0! 2is voice is guttural for some reason. /y heart s1uee6es. Im still hurt by the fact that hes found another0thing0to do tonight ) the night before my

birthday. I think of it as betrayal, even if he did so unknowingly. :ook at me,! he intones while forcing my chin up so our eyes meet. 4assis voice makes my heart s1uee6e harder even as I press my thighs together, hoping its enough to stem the wetness flooding me all of a sudden. 2to piz )dets. "his is fucked up. Everything is so fucked up between us. -hat is it5! I end up snapping in my effort to stay in control. 2e drops my wrist. +othing.! Ive hurt him. I know because I see it in his eyes. 4assi, I0! But I stop because I dont know what to say. $%m in love .ith you3 (eah, right. 2es 'ust going to laugh at my face. ,r

worse hes going to look at me like Im a freak because Im his baby sister and all I can think of is why he wants another girl in his bed and not me. (ou never seem to want me around anymore,! he says suddenly, gritting the words out. 4assi, its not like that.! Im horrified at the way I made him feel. Is it0because of what you read in the papers about me5! 2e asks the 1uestion slowly, as if he has to drag the words out. Because nothing they says true, :eech. I dont do drugs when Im away from home. Im not a fucking mess like they say I am.! I know that.! I say it with earnest sincerity. "hen why do you always seem mad at me5!

Because0! I fumble for an e*cuse and come up with none. Because$$$! Because what5! he growls, making me 'ump. Because youre an ass. I dont know you anymore.! /y mouths run off me again, and I practically run away from him as I head to my room. :iar, liar, liar. A mocking voice taunts me inside. 4assi is an ass. "hat part is true. But the other one5 Its the opposite thats true. I know him. ,h holy /other of %ussia, but sometimes I feel I know him better than anyone. Its the fact that I dont know myself when Im with 4assi thats the problem. Inside my room, I 1uickly strip and get into the shower, letting the 'ets of water blasting out over me do its 'ob.

Calm do.n. ela&. #top thinking. But it doesnt work so I try to distract myself with work ne*t. Being a seiyuu has been my dream since my mom died. /arianna used to be the most popular voice actress in her time, and the entire country of #apan would always roll out the red carpet whenever she flew over for work. 9learing my throat several times, I start practicing my se*y voice, which my coach says still needs work. Aaaah.! 3rat. "hat sounds more like Im dying instead of being in the throes of ecstasy. ,ooooh.! (uck. It sounds more like I saw a wrinkled pink dick than one Ill be tempted to blow. Aaah. /ooh. Yes. /h! yes.! I wince. +ow I sound like Im performing some animal$killing ritual.

"his is so bad. -hy cant I make myself se*y when Im not thinking of0him5 I try again but its hopeless. I try one last time, closing my eyes, and before I know what Im doing Im already imagining 4assi slowly taking his shirt off, and inch by inch he reveals the smooth muscled panes of his chest, beautifully and unapologetically hard. And then hes unbuttoning his 'eans, one at a time, and I catch my breath. A moan slips out. /y eyes fly open. ,h /other of %ussian /iracles, 'ust like that and it comes out so naturally. I close my eyes once more, and the fantasy comes back so easily like its always been there. In my mind, I see 4assi stepping out of his 'eans and now hes only in his bo*ers,

black silk, sleek, outlining the bulge that makes me swallow several times. Aaaaaah.! "he sound is blissfully perfect, but its not loud enough to hide the click of someone opening my bedroom door. &eri5! Its 4assi. I want to talk.! &till I stand there, stunned into immobility, the water cascading over my body. &omewhere in the recesses of my brain I reali6e that I have also forgotten to lock my bathroom door. 2is footsteps come closer. Are you that mad5! "he door creaks open, and I make a snap decision to pretend that I dont hear him still. As I do, /other %ussia clucks her tongue inside my head.

"hat are you doing! child3 Doingmy thing3 "he e*act moment 4assi sees me naked is easy to pinpoint. /y body stiffens imperceptibly, tingling in awareness of the other body its always been destined to be one with. I can feel his shock even if Im facing the opposite way, the entire back of my body completely e*posed. "he hard, desperate strength of his desire hits me like a heat wave when I close my eyes and turn sideways, letting my fingers drift over my breasts, so slowly it cant be anything but a soapy caress. I hear him suck his breath in, and then the unmistakable sound of a 6ipper being pulled down.

/y eyelids fall shut as I moan $ a sound as beautiful as 4assis low gasp of desire. I risk peeking, and I am rewarded with the sight of 4assis eyes clenched closed, his head half thrown back, his face a picture of need as he strokes his dick. 7or a moment, my ga6e is drawn to it ) the first one Ive ever actually seen in real life, and I feel like its destiny that its 4assis I see first. If I have my way, it will be the last. 2is hand moves more furiously, his body tensing, and the sight is so beautiful I moan again. 2is eyes fly open and I 1uickly clench my own shut. I touch the triangle between my legs, fleetingly, and the fiery sensation is too much. I moan again, louder this time, the heavy weight of my forbidden love making my moan so much more arousing.

4assi groans ) then the sound is cut short. 2es spurting out his cum. I hear the s1uishes and 'erks, and its so unbelievably se*y I think Im close to coming myself. -hen I open my eyes again, 4assi is gone. I 1uickly wrap the towel around myself and almost run out of the bathroom. I stop dead 'ust before I step out, fascinated to see the white stains on the carpet. Its 4assis cum and my heart thuds harder against my chest. 7or so long, I have dreamt of him, wished for him, and for so long I loved him urgently, secretly, completely. And now ) 2oly /other of %ussia, I finally learn that its not 1uite as hopeless as I thought. 4omorro.! I tell myself. "omorrow I will confront him$$$

&omeone knocks on my door, which opens a second later. Im still open$mouthed when 4assi strides in, tossing a wrapped bo* on the bed. An advance happy birthday for you, :eech,! he says without meeting my eyes. "hats good since I cant 1uite meet his right now either. "h$thank you,! I mumble while walking to my bed. ?raying that my towel doesnt inch up as I bend down, I pick the gift up and tear the silk wrappings away. I wrestle the bo* open and gasp when I see what hes given me. 4assi.! Its the bag Ive been hankering for, a limited edition design from a #apanese lu*ury brand. Its the same bag that my mom had with her when she was chosen &eiyuu Actress of the (ear during her debut.

3oesnt seem you like it that much,! 4assi teases, seeing my e*pression. &hut up,! I say laughingly, feeling the tension between us evaporate even 'ust for a moment. Behind me, 4assi asks 1uietly, &o you really like it5! I turn to him, knowing my eyes are shining as I say feelingly, /ore than anything in the world.! A sense of awkwardness follows, and I hate it so much I 1uickly search for a change of sub'ect. 3id you have

someone pick it out for you5! I try to steel myself for disappointment the moment I ask the 1uestion. 4assi is infamous for not wanting to go shopping and has been 1uoted as saying that anyone who wants to +uck him better not make the mistake of taking him to a mall.

But 4assi only appears shocked, even irritated. -hat the hell, :eech5 ,f course not. Im the one who picked it out. It wouldnt mean anything if it didnt.! "hen he mutters under his breath, Idiot leech.! Even as the mushiest and sweetest of affection replaces the steel around my heart, I cant help scowling. It was a perfectly reasonable e*pectation. (ou never bought a gift for &helby back when you were a couple.! -ell, at least he never bought anything for his then$girlfriend e*cept for a condom. I grit my teeth at the memory. "he noises they made back then$$$$I still have nightmares about it. "his is different, you stupid leech. (oure family. &hes not.!

"he stupid part still stings and I impulsively grab a pillow to throw at him, like I used to when we were kids and fighting because 4assi didnt want me tagging along with him. If I know, youre probably 'ust buttering me up co6 youre going to ask me for a free back massage.! 2is eyes light up and its all the warning I have before 4assi throws himself on my bed, arms flung wide open. Ah,! he practically purrs and stretches out like a la6y predatory cat rela*ing after a kill. ;ood idea, :eech. /assage away.! I stare at him in consternation. +o.! ?lease5! ,h no, he so wont get me with that puppy look. 9ome on, solnishka moya, please5!

)#uka. "hat means asshole. 2e 'ust knows what to say to make me do his bidding. "hose words he used ) it means my sunshine and I am such a sucker for it. -ith a grumbling sigh, I get to my knees on the bed. #ust five minutes,! I tell him forbiddingly 'ust before I slowly knead the muscles in his back, trying to concentrate on making my touch therapeutic rather than se*ual. Its difficult, when 4assis skin is smooth over his hard muscles, tempting my fingers to drift and caress. I want to close my eyes and pretend Im touching him for another$$$ &eri5! 2e flips on his back as he says my name, making the entire bed dip with his movement. "he movement takes me by surprise, and I fall onto him.

4assi stiffens as our bodies come into contact. 2verything of him stiffens under me, and I stare down at him in open$mouthed shock as he keeps getting hard under me. 2is harsh breath fills the room, making me want to pant myself. "he feel of his hardness is e*cruciating. I want to wriggle, but if I do, Ill give myself away. &o I mustnt. I mustnt$$$ 4assi shifts instead, and in an instant its over. I shift, too. 2e free6es. I move again, and I see his hands spread out on the bed gripping the covers tightly, as if its all he can do not to touch me. 2is breathing is harsher, his silvery eyes almost like diamonds now, his 'aw tight.

"he place where our bodies meet in the way nature means it to becomes scorching hot. 4assi,! I whisper, almost pleadingly. 2e doesnt speak. It doesnt matter anymore. Ill take the risk. Ill say it first. 2e cant be like this and feel nothing for me. 4assi, I have something to say$$$! In the ne*t moment, hes away from the bed, leaving me staring up at him in confusion and not a small amount of hurt. I feel like hes 'ust thrown me away. I scramble to my knees on the bed. -hat$$$! 2e shakes his head, almost furiously, 'ust once, but oh does it say it all. I want to shrink away from the way hes ga6ing at me. I have to go,! 4assi says abruptly. "he door

shuts behind him silently, leaving me trembling in frustrated need, still on my knees. I want to call out to him, but I dont. Im going to give him time, 'ust enough for him to reali6e that what I always knew. "omorrow Ill tell him. But when tomorrow came, no words could leave past my lips.