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Rianka Macwan

Kelly Cunningham

English 250

April 1, 2014


The Asian American Family Complex

Since the beginning of time, there has always been a clash between children and
their parents. The age and authority difference has a large role in how they interact with
each other and interpret each others emotions. Parents are in charge of their children and
they do know whats best for them. However, that does not mean that all parental styles
are always beneficial or correct. There are many differences between family interactions,
and some parenting styles are more destructive than others. One of the most distinct
parenting techniques is that of the Indian culture, especially that of Indian immigrants.
The Asian American parenting technique has good intentions, but oftentimes the results
are not perceived or anticipated by them. The life of an Asian American teenager is
controlled by the ideal of hard work. Their parents want what is best for them, however,
studies show that Indian American parents stress their own successes and how that can
influence their adaptation to immigrating. They bring their cultural value of being
allocentricbeing a community within a familyto America, which brings extreme
proximity to them and their children. When Asian American teenagers have American
friends who may have different values, this can be accompanied by parental critical
judgment, placing stress upon their children. And ultimately, this overbearing parenting
style has many psychological effects upon Asian American teenagers. Although Indian
American parents believe that their parenting style is effective for success, there are
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alternative opinions from both researchers and the children themselves upon how
effective Asian American parenting is.
Hard work achieves better results than mediocre effort. However, the ethic of hard
work has been driven into and become a mantra for Indian teenagers. Like anyone, they
want to please, not disappoint. So in turn, they work hard. Their hard work is rarely
looked on in pleasure. They are often chided for not working hard enough even if they
have the best results. There is always room for improvement. Indian Rapper Sullee J
commented, In our culture, parents have very high expectations of their kids. If youre
doing well, they say do better(Sohrabji). Instead of praise, there is always a push to
excel further. Author Amy Chua, known for being a Tiger Mom, published an article
where she vyed for a method of child-rearing called shaming. She stated, To get good at
anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why
it is crucial to override their preferences(Chua, WSJ). Oftentimes, this leads to
overbearing and insensitive parents. Research shows that, Asian Indian parents also tend
to use guilt, shame, and moral obligation to control their adolescents behavior(Farver,
et al.). This behavior change could be as simple as getting from an A to an A+ in a certain
class. The Pew Center stated in a February 2014 report, Nearly seven-in-ten[Asian
Americans] (69%) say people can get ahead if they are willing to work hardAnd a fully
93% of Asian Americans describe members of their country of origin group as very
hardworking(Pew Center). This hard work can come in many different forms, often by
harsh pressure to do well. There is little tolerance for anything except excellence, and if
there are any results other than the best, that will soon be changed. Asian parents have a
very different mindset about the limits of their children. They expect that their child can
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achieve the best results if they try hard enough, and if not, it is their fault and no one
elses. On the other hand, Western parents are often satisfied with the work their children
are doing. If they work hard and still dont achieve the top results, they are fine with it.
Chua states,
Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can
get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because
the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard
performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child(Chua, WSJ).
The Indian culture is very similar. Children do not like punishment, and their parents
believe that shaming them works as correction, but do not anticipate the following
resentment. Although this does work and the children do get excellent grades, as will be
analyzed later on in this paper, studies reported that children who are tightly monitored
for academic success have inversely proportionate rates of psychological
problems(Farver, et al).
Another part of life that can be stressful on Indian American teenagers is their
parents past and success, and their adjustment to immigration. If they begin to whine
about anything, their parents will remind them of their circumstances when they were
younger, how hard they had to work, and how they did not have the same amenities or
nice things that their children have. They had to work hard to get to America and they
do not understand why their children would not want to work equally as hard to live a
comfortable life. Its difficult to reach this level. The Pew Center records, But on the
basis of the evidence so far, this immigrant generation has set a bar of success that will be
a challenge for the next generation to surpass(Pew Center). This bar of success is
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notable because Asian Americans are doing extremely well, and many are in the richest
percentages of America. An article written summarizing a book about the success of
Asians shows that, Among the examples of Indian-American successof all the ethnic
groups that the Census Bureau tracks, Indian-Americans have the highest median
household income $90,500 compared with $51,200 for the United States as a
whole(Aroon). The immigrant parents will push (in ways such as shaming) their own
success upon their children for two different reasons. First, they want their children to be
successful because they want what is best for them. And secondly, children who perform
well reflect positively upon the family name. Children may feel considerable pressure
from parents to maintain a good reputation since others in the community are always
watching(Varghese). The best way for them to keep a good reputation is to be smart
and be studious. Yet, there is a disconnect that happens when they try to raise their kids
in America. This is especially true with first-generation parents. They have to adapt to the
US culture, realizing that image is not everything. There are several ways they can adapt.
The four main ways are assimilating, marginalizing, separating, or integrating(Farver, et
al.). Integration is the most beneficial because it is a combination of the Indian and
American culture, yet many families tend to utilize separation. This is where they act
within the confines of their own culture and do not combine much US culture into their
lifestyle. The disconnect occurring is the failure to recognize integration, and that the
strictest policy is not always the best policy. And the age difference, along with the
immigration factor, do not contribute positively.
The core values retained are those that are most salient developmentally for young
adults, supporting [a 1980 studys] prediction that intergenerational cultural
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conflicts would be the chief source of strain among immigrating Asian Indian
parents and their children(Varghese).
Integration and a feeling of normalness both relieve the pressure of being different
from their peers. But when their parents try to confine them, such as stressing academic
importance too much, it begins to cause a barrier between them and their child. Kids do
not want to be the odd one out, and they want to fit in with their peers. Tension is caused
when they want to play or hangout with their friends, and they are forced to study instead.
Parents repeat the importance of schoolwork because they believe that it is the only way
to be happy. Good grades equates to a good job which equates to a great salary which
equates to a comfortable life which will ultimately equate to a happy life. They believe
that the temporary discomfort of studying is worth it in the end, but they do not realize
that they can be too strict. The last component of the Triple Package is impulse control
delayed gratification. For teens, that means no dating, no drinking, no sex. Instead,
ones single-minded focus would be studies and academically oriented extracurricular
activities(Aroon). The frustration of restriction causes many internal
problems for Asian American teenagers, and the problem arises because of the different
cultural and age differences.
Asian parents force proximity upon their children, and this occurs in almost every
aspect of their lives. Some examples are school life, dating, and career choices. The Pew
Center says, U.S. Asians also have a strong sense of filial respect; about two-thirds say
parents should have a lot or some influence in choosing ones profession (66%) and
spouse (61%)(Pew Center). Amy Chua agrees with this when she discusses how,
Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a
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little unclear, but it's probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the
parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children(Chua, WSJ). Indian parents
believe the same. They believe that they are wiser than their children, and so they know
what is best for them. Asian Indian parents often do not recognize their adolescents
ability to make sound decisions and hold a negative view of independent and autonomous
behavior(Farver, et al). After doing research on three-hundred-sixty teenagersone-
hundred eighty Asian Indian teenagers and one-hundred eighty white teenagers
researchers concluded that the huge difference in Asian parenting and Western parenting
is that Asian parenting involves being greatly involved in their childrens lives and
decisions, raising a child that will stay with their parents until marriage. Western parents,
however, try to raise their children the best they can, but ultimately are raising them to be
individuals who can function on their own(Farver, et al.). Another more common term to
use is the term overprotective. Whereas Asian parents think they are being beneficial,
they can be seen as overbearing and invasive. This can lead to a lack of development and
difficulty with decision-making. Their families make their decisions for them, creating a
dependent bond between them.
There are many discrepancies between Indian teenagers and their parents. The
clash between the two puts great amounts of stress on the teenagers. They look at their
friends and see how theyre being raised and wondered why their lives couldnt be as
simple. In other words, American culture is seen as loose and permissive, while Indian
culture is, well, better(Aroon). This situation is where a lot of arguments come from.
Many Indian parents do not agree with many aspects of the American culture and it
creates friction between them and their children. Analyzing the book called The Triple
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Package, journalist Preeti Aroon writes, Do Indian-Americans really go around
thinking theyre superior? The answer is an awkward yes, if you temper superiority to
mean something closer to distinct, exceptional culture(Aroon). She continues on to
say, And anyone who has grown up Indian-American has probably picked up on this
sense of Indians have better family values(Aroon). Indians have a great sense of
patriotic pride, and it continues and is even exacerbated when brought into America.
They want to make a cultural mark and make sure that they are preserving their culture.
In fact, Often, Asian Indian immigrants are more Indian than the people they left
behind, and they may retain a sense of a culture that no longer exists on the Indian
continent(Farver, et al). They see their standards as being reasonable, yet high. When
they view others that dont have the same standards as them or who do not value the
same things, they pass along critical, and often very vocal, judgments.
After looking at the value of hard work, adaptation to immigration, parental
proximity, and family discrepancies, what is the end result? How do these teenagers end
up feeling? Unfortunately, many studies have concluded that there are high rates of
anxiety, depression, and even suicide in the Indian American teenage population. Family
conflict is a large factor in mental stability. Moreover, while Asian Indian and European
American parents and adolescents may disagree on similar issuesAsian Indian cultural
values and expectations for behavior may have increased family discord(Farver, et al). A
primary area of disagreement is schoolwork. Although Asian American students do have
very good grades, it comes at a cost. Moreover, while studies have shown that
adolescents from Asian cultures are more academically successfulAsian adolescents
often experience higher levels of distress than their [white] peers(Farver, et al). A
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journalist who specifically researches mental health disorders in the South Asian
community noted,
While there is a lack of data related to depression in the South Asian American
community, a study released by the Asian and Pacific Islander American Health
Forum reported that a higher percentage of South Asian Americans, especially
between the ages of 15 to 24, tested positive for symptoms of
depression(Sohrabji).
And this lack of data comes from viewer perception. Asian Americans excel at portraying
family unity, and appearing to be put together.
However, relatively little is known about them. This gap in the literature may be
related to the assumption that as one of the model minorities that excels in
academic, work, and social settings, Asian Indian adolescents categorically
manifest positive psychological functioning(Farver, et al).
The teenagers seem to have their life together. Reality shows that they are suffering
internally. Stress and anxiety can also be exacerbated when parents micromanage. For
instance, females are regulated more strictly than males. Their function is to obey the
family and to be caregivers.
Families who respond to daughters wide exposure to U.S. individualism by
attempting to protect and control them are likely to act in ways that increase the
daughters cultural value conflict, making them more vulnerable to depression,
and lower their self-esteem(Varghese).
They are very limited in what they are able to do, and so when they try to find out who
they are, it is looked on as disrespect to the family. The emotional trauma confinement
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does is wide-spread, and unfortunately the statistics are horrific. Asian American
teenage girls have the highest rates of suicide of any U.S. population, concluded the
National Alliance on Mental Health in a 2011 report(Sohrabji). Sadly, this can be a
result of overprotective parenting, or even exasperation due to overabounding pressure.
An article titled, Plight of the Little Emperors, which discusses Chinas one-child
policy, quotes someone for saying, They think to die is better than to have that bad
mark(Clark). This quote was from a student who was interviewed about the rising
statistics of college suicides. Even in the Indian culture, when pressure teems and
becomes overbearing, many teenagers fall into depression while many others resort to
suicide.
The life of any teenager is filled with anxiety, stress, and problems. Some aspects
are mediocre, while others are extremely impactful. There are often disconnects that
happen when Indian American parents try to raise their children in America. The
combination of the two cultures need to be properly meshed, and when they are joined
incorrectly or in extreme ways, the results are can be disastrous. Objectively, there are
not many repercussions to the Indian American parenting style. Parents want their kids to
be successful and so they emphasize the parts of life they believe will help will get their
children farther in life. Researchers and Asian American teenagers have a different
opinion. Their research and personal emotions show that this style of parenting has many
negative effects. There are many elements to an Indian American teenagers life, and life
within their homes is very stressful upon many of them. The transition into America for
Indian American parents and life afterwards has a combination of cultures, but there has
to be a beneficial blend in order to enhance the life of their children.