proposal final version

by Sean Page
FILE
TIME SUBMITTED 17-MAR-2014 11:58PM
SUBMISSION ID 404872578
WORD COUNT 1689
CHARACTER COUNT 9602
MOODLE_TEMP_TURNITINTOOL_338110428._15490_1395125907_78698.
DOCX (45.59K)
very concise--
good!
and
recurr
ence?
wordy
good
wordy
when/why?
blind
good content,
just clean up
sentences.
QM
QM
QM
FINAL GRADE
85/100
proposal final version
GRADEMARK REPORT
GENERAL COMMENTS
Instructor
Sean, you've articulated this study's objectives and
methods in a way that demonstrates your
comprehension.
Now, you'll need to go back and read your sentences
aloud. You're really improving with writing more direct
sentences, but there are lots of simple errors that would
dissuade a funding agency from funding you. Can you
find and fix them?
PAGE 1
PAGE 2
S/V Agreement
Subject-verb agreement:
Subjects and verbs should match in number and person. Singular subjects require singular verbs;
plural subjects require plural verbs.
Text Comment. very concise--good!
WC
Word choice error:
Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do.
Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up
with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're
trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can
often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.
WC
Word choice error:
Sometimes choosing the correct word to express exactly what you have to say is very difficult to do.
Word choice errors can be the result of not paying attention to the word or trying too hard to come up
with a fancier word when a simple one is appropriate. A thesaurus can be a handy tool when you're
trying to find a word that's similar to, but more accurate than, the one you're looking up. However, it can
often introduce more problems if you use a word thinking it has exactly the same meaning.
PAGE 3
QM
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Text Comment. and recurrence?
Text Comment. wordy
||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel form. All expressions that are similar in content and
function should be expressed similarly.
Repetitive
See if you can combine and condense these sentences or ideas, as they are repetitive or redundant.
Vigorous Verb
Can you find the real/vigorous verb for this sentence? Using that verb will make the sentence more
direct and effective.
Text Comment. good
Headers | Organization:
Use headers to separate major requirements, like an abstract, from the body of your text.
Text Comment. wordy
Proofread
Proofread carefully to identify and correct simple errors like those in this sentence.
Additional Comment small errors throughout this P--can you see and fix them?
Text Comment. when/why?
PAGE 4
Text Comment. blind
Headers
Use headers to separate major requirements, like an abstract, from the body of your text.
Additional Comment new P?
split P
This is at least two Ps. Each P should have a single topic. Split this P up and develop each topic in its
own P.
Repetitive
See if you can combine and condense these sentences or ideas, as they are repetitive or redundant.
Additional Comment combine with previous rationale P and reorganize accordingly. How about
medical costs, economy?
PAGE 5
PAGE 6
Text Comment. good content, just clean up sentences.
PAGE 7
RUBRIC: PROPOSAL RUBRIC
RHETORIC:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
RESEARCH:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
ORGANIZATION:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT

Proficient
Audience and Purpose
Audience's needs are often not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and language
needs adjustment for the audience. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) isn't clear or achieved.
Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes defining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund
your research) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.
Shows attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and using
audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.
Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, defining necessary terms and ideas and
using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to convince a funding agency to fund your
research) is clear and achieved with style.
Advanced
Omits or uses incorrectly MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and
works cited list. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source. Frequently
uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.
A few errors in MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Often includes sources names without introduction. Sometimes uses irrelevant or
unpersuasive sources.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Usually introduces each source fullyreader knows who did the research or
communicating, for whom, and why. Use of sources is usually relevant and persuasive.
Correctly uses MLA- or APA-style parenthetical citations, quotation marks, and works cited
list. Introduces each source fullyreader knows who did the research or communicating,
for whom, and why. Use of sources is always relevant and persuasive.
Proficient
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the
prompt, or illogically connected. Ps are usually not unified or organized.
Organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt, but may be
vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically linked. Ps may not be unified.
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together adequately.
ADVANCED
PERSUASION:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
TONE:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
STYLE:
ABSENT OR BELOW
BASIC
DEVELOPING
PROFICIENT
ADVANCED
Clear, specific organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, transitions) fit the prompt
and tie ideas together logically and seamlessly.
Advanced
Inadequate, inappropriate, or irrelevant reasoning and evidence. Rationale may be missing
or flawed.
Over uses or under-analyzes evidence. May omit reasoning and include some irrelevant or
unpersuasive evidence. Rationale isn't yet persuasive--I'm not sure if this project is worth
funding.
Usually supports the thesis and paragraph claims with persuasive reasoning and credible,
relevant, analyzed evidence. Rationale is persuasive--you'd be on my finalist list.
Supports the thesis and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and insightful reasoning
and analyzed evidence. Rationale is persuasive--I'd give you the money!
Proficient
Tone and/or design usually suggest/s an absence of awareness of audience and/or generic
conventions.
Tone and/or design are/is sometimes inappropriate or unconventional.
Appropriate tone and design conform to assigned audience and genre.
Sophisticated tone and design engage reader and conform to assigned audience and genre.
Developing
Sentence-level literacy and style
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability or otherwise distract from
meaning.
Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are few and do not distract from meaning.
Outstanding control of language, including effective diction and sentence variety.