10/5/08

THEY WANTED TO KILL

The ONLY PERSON
WHO COULD SET
THEM FREE;

http://users.aims.ac.za/~mmbele/Jesus_on_cross.jpg

and DON’T BE
SURPRISED IF THEY
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WANT TO KILL US AS
WELL---BECAUSE WE
ARE THE BODY OF
CHRIST

http://cacina.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/body_of_christ.jpg

AND WE ARE THE

ONLY ONES
THAT CAN SET THEM
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 FREE TODAY !
In every community, in every office, in every classroom,
in every village, city, state….you name it, in every
ECOSYSTEM there is a person or living being that is
BETTER than the rest. And because he or she is better
those around him or her, rather than acknowledging
that person or animal’s goodness or greatness, become
jealous and hope for the demise of that being. The
ULTIMATE EXAMPLE of such, of course, is JESUS
CHRIST, our SAVIOR.

Imagine you are hanging from the edge of a skyscraper

losing your grasp with only seconds remaining before
you fall to your painful death on the street below, and
an ANGEL passes by and says, “Do you want me to save
you ?”And you look at the angel and say, sarcastically,
“Yeah sure, and make you a hero. No
way ! I’d rather die than make you a hero. Get lost
angel.”

That ANGEL was the SPIRIT OF GOD coming to

rescue YOU ! You see JESUS CAN’T CHANGE YOUR
LIFE unless you first recognize that YOU need
changing.

We can’t HONOR GOODNESS & greatness unless we

first acknowledge our own sinfulness There will always
be someone or something GREATER than us and at
some point you have to make a CHOICE and honor and

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acknowledge somebody who has done BETTER than
you or decide to attack that which has done something
good.

What would CAUSE normally rational and decent

beings to attack and kill that which is better than
them ? or that which can save them ?

Imagine you are drowning in a SEA OF WATER—you

only have moments to go before you lose all strength
and sink to the ocean floor forever. A person of great
strength happens to SWIM BY and OFFERS to save
you ! You are a small person—small meaning you are
petty and vindictive—and despite the fact that your
savior is right next to you—ready to carry you to shore
—you get so angry that this person is stronger and
better than you at swimming—you use your LAST
OUNCE of strength to pull his head under water and
sink to the bottom with you, thereby killing not only
yourself but the savior as well.

This HAPPENS every day in various circumstances

where the good and the golden are DYING for the sake
of sinners who don’t want to be saved.

THE GOOD BOOK SPEAKS LOUD & CLEAR :

In the very same way, these dreamers pollute
their own bodies, reject authority and slander
celestial beings. 9 But even the archangel
Michael, when he was disputing with the devil

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about the body of Moses, did not dare to bring
a slanderous accusation against him, but
said, "The Lord rebuke you!" 10 Yet these
men speak abusively against whatever they
do not understand; and what things they do
understand by instinct, like unreasoning animals —
these are the very things that destroy them.

11 Woe to them! They have taken the way of Cain; they

have rushed for profit into Balaam's error; they have been
destroyed in Korah's rebellion.

12 These men are blemishes at your love feasts,

eating with you without the slightest qualm —
shepherds who feed only themselves. They are
clouds without rain, blown along by the wind;
autumn trees, without fruit and uprooted — twice
dead. 13 They are wild waves of the sea, foaming
up their shame; wandering stars, for whom
blackest darkness has been reserved forever.

“
“Enoch, the seventh from Adam, prophesied about
these men: "See, the Lord is coming with thousands
upon thousands of his holy ones to judge everyone,
and to convict all the ungodly of all the ungodly acts
they have done in the ungodly way, and of all the

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 harsh words ungodly sinners have spoken against
him."

These men are grumblers and faultfinders; they

follow their own evil desires; they boast about
themselves and flatter others
for their own advantage.
Jude 8-16
NIV

We have NO CHANCE without JESUS

CHRIST . We are ALL SINNERS, the only difference
between US and THEM is that they won’t acknowledge
their sinfulness and won’t praise the SAVIOR who came
to RESCUE them.

But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of

our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. They said to you, "In
the last times there will be scoffers who will follow
their own ungodly desires." These are the men who
divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and
do not have the Spirit”
Jude 17-19

These men would rather drag the SAVIOR down with

them than save themselves or others. But WE are
different, aren't we ? Those of you who read this and
TRULY BELIEVE with me:

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 But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your
most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. 21 Keep
yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of
our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.
Jude 20-21
My friends, it is 7:00 a.m. and I am in downtown Los
Angeles at the corner of grand & 6th Street surrounded
by skyscrapers the tallest of which about a year ago I
actually took the STEPS up all the way to the top in the
annual YMCA stair walk . Talk about needing salvation
—I almost needed an OXYGEN MASK to make it. I
was NOT in good physical shape and haven’t been since
2000 when I got mugged by crooks and had permanent
damage done to my spine—call it spinal stenosis or
cervical radiculopathy or sciatica –it HURTS-but I
KEEP GOING—and last week I had TWO MAJOR
PAIN INJECTIONS and for the first time in eight
years I felt no pain ! GLORY BE TO GOD !
And my friends, I have TWO BA’s AND a MASTERS
DEGREE but when I go to a medical doctor I know
they know MORE THAN ME about the human body
and I acknowledge their superior knowledge in that
regard.

Last night the L.A. DODGERS beat the CHICAGO

CUBS to win the first round of the MLB PLAYOFFS.
I’ve been going to BOTH DODGERS & ANGELS
games all season and it’s good to have at LEAST ONE
L.A. team advancing to the next round (Angels have one
last chance to redeem themselves in Boston and

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miraculously claw back from a 2-0 deficit but it’s not
looking very hopeful—but nonetheless there’s still
hope).

I sat down in this Starbucks coffee shop and a CUBS

fan came in, obviously flew in all the way from the
WINDY CITY with HOPE that the CUBBIES might
pull off a mini miracle but it was NOT meant to be. I
said to him, “I CAN’T RUB IT IN…I actually had a
little hope for the CUBS…” and it’s TRUE—the CUBS
have and CUBS fans DESERVE a world series team
more than anybody else—it’s been SO LONG. Despite
being a DODGER & ANGEL fan I could set aside my
personal hopes for my local teams in favor of the CUBS
for the sake of the CUBS. I couldn’t rub it in and I hope
the DODGER FANS weren’t chanting ‘CUBS SUCK”
last night. There’s times when you have to set aside the
protocol and show some class.

That’s one BOOK I remember reading back at

CALVIN COLLEGE, my alma mater, –entitled
something like “STYLE & CLASS” and it always stuck
with me. You gotta know when to show some class—
which is different than style. Style dictates saying the
opposing team “sucks” as you’re closing in on a win,
but in some cases CLASS overrides style.

There’s the story about the QUEEN OF ENGLAND

inviting a poor man to a meal at the castle. And when
they served the SOUP the queen and all the other
royalty at the table delicately and daintily used their

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soup spoon in the proper way but the POOR MAN to
the horror of some of the royalty lifted the bowl directly
to his mouth and sipped from it. The queen, showing
CLASS, and glaring at everybody at the table not to
embarrass the poor man, LIKEWISE lifted the bowl of
soup to her mouth—and all the other royalty did the
same—suspending STYLE for a moment for the sake of
class—FOR the sole purpose of NOT embarrassing the
PAUPER.

MY friends---when we go and MAKE DISCIPLES…

and PREACH the KINGDOM
(Matt 20.20) we must ALSO NOT SHY AWAY of
telling people that they, like us, are sinners, and need
SALVATION:

Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who

need a doctor, but the sick. But go and
learn what this means: 'I desire

mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not

come to call the righteous, but sinners
."
Matt 9:12-13
JESUS CAME TO DELIVER SINNERS—and some of
the ‘RIGHTEOUS’ perhaps were meant to be in
“quotations” because who is righteous ? Nobody is
righteous and nobody is good. Even Jesus, HIMSELF,
objected when somebody called him “good teacher.”

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"Why do you call me good ?" Jesus answered.
"No one is good — except God alone. You
know the commandments: 'Do not murder,
do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not
give false testimony, do not defraud, honor
your father and mother.'"
Mark 10:18-19
IF that doesn’t come as a SHOCK I don’t know what
does. NOBODY IS GOOD BUT GOD. We are all
sinners and we ALL need salvation and regeneration
and sanctification. And the ONLY way that comes is
FROM JESUS CHRIST OUR SAVIOR, but yet there
was a day when the ONLY PERSON who could set
‘THEM’ FREE is the person the wanted to KILL more
than anybody else.

The EASTER MESSAGE is timeless and NEEDS to be

told ALL THE TIME not just around EASTER.

Wanting to release Jesus, Pilate appealed to

them again. But they kept shouting,
"Crucify him! Crucify him!"
Luke 23:20-21

What kind of LUST is buried deep inside YOU ? what

side of the fence will you be on when they put JESUS
on trial again? Will you be yelling, “CRUCIFY HIM’ or

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will you be crying and in agony because they are killing
the ONLY MAN who can set you free ?

SURE, it was dictated –it was meant to be—it was part

of the pre-ordained story but whether it brings
compassion out of you or a lust for death from you
divides those who will be eternally lost from those who
are eternally FREE !

“Jesus called his disciples to him and said,

"I have compassion
for these people”;
Matt 15:32

“Jesus had compassion on them and

touched their eyes .
Matt 20:34

Filled with compassion , Jesus reached

out
his hand and touched the man.
"I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"
Mark 1:41-42

When Jesus landed and saw a large

crowd, he had compassion on them,

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because they were like sheep without
a shepherd.
Mark 6:34

Even a major parable JESUS told is about

COMPASSION:

"But while he was still a long way off, his father

saw him and was filled with compassion for him;
he ran to his son, threw his arms
around him and kissed him .”
Luke 15:20

AND PAUL reminds us of what GOD said to MOSES:

For he says to Moses,

"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have
compassion ." Rom 9:15

And what TITLE does PAUL give to GOD ?

“Praisebe to the God and Father of our Lord

Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the
God of all comfort…”2 Cor 1:3
We do NOT understand GOD’S ways in totality. Our
understanding of ‘JUSTICE’ is not always GOD’s

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JUSTICE. The JEWS who crucified JESUS believed
they were better persons because they obeyed the law
better than anybody else, but did they forget about the
SPIRIT OF THE LAW ?

Not only is the story about JUSTICE but also about

COMPASSION & MERCY :

“The Lord is full of compassion and mercy…”

James 5:11

Even TODAY in our denominations and formal church

orders there are problems with MAN’S SENSE OF
JUSTICE overriding GOD’s intentions . In my own
denomination, the CRC (Christian Reformed Church)
there are people CLINGING to a man-made

And this extends all the way out WEST to FULLER

SEMINARY. Mouw, my friend Rich Mouw, WENT all
the way from Calvin College to Fuller Seminary (the
college is NOT the seminary by the way) and anytime
you get near one of these academic settings whether it is
the CHRISTIAN college or seminary you immediately
will experience hierarchical order, with a STRICT sense
of hierarchy dictating all that gets done ( or doesn’t get
done).

To me the ENTIRE DENOMINATIONAL SYSTEM

and the seminary and all things related SMACKS of a
legalistic way that is the OPPOSITE of the compassion
and mercy of GOD THE FATHER, SON, & HOLY

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SPIRIT, and despite the fact that I went THROUGH
this system I REJECT a large part of what it represents.
It is a system that leads to people RESTING ON THEIR
LAURELS.

And this same source of “resting on laurels” carries

over into the formal church—of all denominations, both
Catholic & Protestant and actually becomes part of
what WE as CHRISTIANS must be preaching about or
against or towards. It represents COMPLACENCY and
lack of care or concern, because it sets up a SYSTEM
that allows people to simply GO THRU THE
MOTIONS.

ANY time the SPIRIT IS institutionalized it will

inevitably LOSE it’s charisma and spontaneity. I am
constantly trying to think of ways to avoid routine and
predictability. I am always seeking NEW WAYS to
avoid routine and predictability.

Most recently—just today—actually I pre-planned it a

week ago—I bought a broom and I will stop
spontaneously in different places wherever I am on the
road—and sweep up some trash. WHY NOT ? It’s
voluntarily community service.

But a generous man devises generous things,

And by generosity he shall stand.
Isa 32:8

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I’ve been doing as much voluntary work as I can …and
left the lucrative prospect of a law career in order to
follow GOD more clearly and closely, albeit it was a
long journey to clarity.

Leaving Wayne State Law School in November of 1990

was one of the toughest decisions I ever made, but it just
wasn’t in me to stay in a tiny apartment with Cliff Maat
—and eke out a law school credential, especially after
finding him with a homosexual in our apartment,
engaged in a homosexual act. I just could NOT continue
living there after that experience. I could NOT abide by
that.

So as I’ve repeatedly told in previous messages—I left

Wayne State Law School and headed west, but before I
got out of Michigan I stopped in Grand Rapids and said
farewell to a few friends, including Doug kosters, whom,
as some of you know, subsequently commit suicide in
December of 1990. A few months later, after the
funeral, I was in Costa Rica doing disaster relief , and
then for a few months tutoring at Drake Bay Wilderness
Camp, right next to the world famous Corcovado
National Park.

Should I forgive CLIFF for being homosexual ? He said

he was Christian. I don’t know and try not to think
about it too much. And should I forgive Doug White for
masturbating in our Calvin College apartment on
Lowell Street ? I try not to think about it.

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I just go on with my life , doing the best I can. I try not
to think too much about the death of DOUG and try
NOT to focus on what I felt was a dysfunctional family
setting for him. I think his dad JULIUS could have been
a better dad and a better friend to DOUG.

But I move on…even when I was in Costa Rica I had

misgivings about the CRC missionaries and the way
they were doing things. Paul Bergsma, one of the long-
term CRC missionaries in Costa Rica just happened to
rent out his house to a friend or associate of mine—
Janet Ludema who went down there with Barb
Wiersma.

When I arrived to do disaster relief I stayed for a few

days in the house of PAUL BERGSMA –at the
invitation of Janet Ludema. She was nice towards me—
civil I would say—even though BARB Wiersma was not
—by that time Barb had found a Costa Rican boyfriend
(remember Barb and I had a relationship for a while,
stemming from going to Spain together with a Calvin
College Spanish class—a relationship that actually
transpired after we returned from Spain—and we were
back in Grand Rapids together). But by the time I
happened to end up in Costa Rica –our relationship had
ended abruptly after she gave me an ultimatum of
“marriage or else…” I was interested, but said, wait. I
didn’t say no, I said WAIT.

Anyways, she took “wait” as NO and considered it an

insult to her dignity. As they say, “HELL HAT NO

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FURY AS A WOMAN SCORNED…” but then I didn’t
scorn her—I simply said, “wait” or “not yet”

But while I was staying with Janet Ludema at Paul

Bergsma’s house in Costa Rica I realized that these
CRC MISSIONARIES take advantage of the church
and the people who go to the Christian Reformed
Church back in the USA.

And one of the ways they TAKE ADVANTAGE of “US”

is a form of machismo by which they say all of US
domestic folk “back” in the USA are wimpy jerkoffs
and ‘THEY’ are the strong, macho, defenders of the
faith out in the “field” driving a four-by-four doing the
hard, back-breaking, sweaty inglorious work. Actually,
they make it ALL THE MORE GLORIOUS when they
come “back” home and show their slides at church
along with their appeal for money.

Every now and then I get an e-mail from Paul Bergsma

and he acts typically like one of “them.” It’s like putting
your money in the hands of traitors—who don’t want
to be “patriots.” They actually scorn American
patriotism and love “them” more than “us.” All the
while demanding that w e give them money because we
are jerkoffs.

The Brinks family is a good example of the MACHO

MISSIONARY who scorns the people from whom they
demand financial support. Ray & Gladys are now
retired in Falmouth, Michigan—living in a beautiful

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house alongside a nice river. And their son, Steve, who I
originally met in the dormitory my freshman year at
Calvin College, and who impressed me SO MUCH with
his alleged concern for third world people is now living
in a very nice house by Breton Village –and NEVER
went back to do mission work for the poor as he had
insinuated might be his real passion.

It was all a SCAM to lead some of “US’ ASTRAY. It was

all bulls—t as they say. Were any of them truly
Christian ? I started to wonder ! I NO LONGER hear
from them at all. They just wanted me as far away from
them as possible because I was TOO GOOD. Sound
familiar ? They wanted me “dead” or, alternatively,
could care less if I was alive. Out of sight, out of mind.

They took over my hometown with a pretense of care

for the poor and it was all in the name of laziness. They
enjoyed the good life as kids abroad in the missionary
field and when it came time to work they suddenly came
“home” to make bigger bucks. I can name the names:
Steve Brinks ( & his wife Winny Devries) and Audrey
Van Oen (from Canada) and her husband Eric Kooyer
(who went to the public schools and scorned all the
Christian kids but now they give to Christian education
to get their name on the list of donors. Eric’s a doctor
now—no financial worries for them. And their pastor—
Jack Roeda—from Canada—is glad that I’m out of
town. Canadians typically don’t like Americans born on
American soil—even the pastors in the CRC who do
“ministry” here in the USA would rather not have to

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contend with American do-gooders in their
congregation. It’s very self-serving.

And the ONE PLACE that I thought I might have a

home is back out here in Southern California at the
Crystal Cathedral. But I can assure you my dad does
not want a do-gooder like me at the Crystal Cathedral.
I might outshine him. Of course, without much income I
look a little bit questionable—driving an old station
wagon and my dad can keep playing the big man
“supporter” by giving me a few bucks here and there.
It’s all for HIS glory, AND I don’t mean GOD, I mean
JIM.

If there is one place that really disappointed me as

much as the CRC MISSIONARIES (Brinks, Bergsma,
JOEL Hogan, TOM Post, et. al) it was the Crystal
Cathedral and their “patriotic Christianity” at the
expense of WHOM ? ME OF COURSE.

I gave everything I could to the Crystal Cathedral and

got NOTHING BACK BUT SCORN—and it didn’t
help, of course, that Amanda Steele suddenly reared her
ugly head at the Crystal Cathedral. That’s a whole
‘nother story—as they say… I began to wonder WHAT
or WHOM REALLY IS CHRISTIAN ? And then I
came back to the realization that we are ALL SINNERS
—and that’s THEIR EXCUSE….

But if that becomes too much of a cheap excuse it’s

nothing but cheap grace and then the sacrifice of Christ

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on the cross becomes cheapened by those who practice
cheap grace. It’s all TOO EASY—and MAKES
practicing the Christian life fairly cheap. There’s got to
be a point where you make a stand sometime.

And how do they JUSTIFY stealing from us ? it’s called

JEALOUSY ! Or “coveting.” And that’s why there is a
commandment against coveting:

"You shall not covet your neighbor's

house. You shall not covet your
neighbor's wife, or his manservant or
maidservant, his ox or donkey, or
anything that belongs to your
neighbor."
Ex 20:17

And so I just keep going forward, jealousy be damned.

At some point you just have to try to put it OUT OF
YOUR MIND—and act as if it doesn’t exist. You have to
live by PRETENSE—knowing that they have cheated
you, and will cheat you again if the opportunity arises.
So don’t go back to them. Go forward. Don’t look back
! Make a DIFFERENCE in this world while you are
here. Life is short.

Yesterday I went to the SARAH PALIN presidential

campaign rally at the HOME DEPOT sports center in

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Carson, California. She spoke about being a
“progressive conservative.” She was introduced by an
actor by the name of Jon Voigt who I googled on my
handheld device and happens to be the ‘estranged
father’ of actress Angeline Jolie who married Brad Pitt
after his extramarital affair with her. He said he used to
be a democrat and back in the 60’s was anti-war during
the Vietnam era but was now on the other side of the
fence and in support of the Republicans.

WHO will be the next president ? and will HE save us ?

Like JESUS who said ONLY GOD IS GOOD, with a
slight variation I would say “ONLY GOD CAN SAVE
US…”

Nonetheless, the position of American President is

definitely a BIG ONE, and a WEIGHTY ONE and
should be taken seriously by the person in the office as
well as the persons voting. We must carefully weigh the
words and positions of the candidates and try to
determine who will LIVE UP TO THOSE WORDS the
most .

And I would say we MUST PRAY for that person—and

must pray that GOD’s WILL BE DONE, not ours, nor
the presidents. Our president will make SIGNIFICANT
decisions that will effect our lives and the lives of others
—not only in the USA but around the world. The USA
still has MORE IMPACT on the world than any other
country ! And YES, in some cases the PRESIDENT will
be the ONLY ONE who can set some people free—and

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some of “them” will nonetheless want to kill him. Those
who are fighting against DEMOCRACY are fighting
against a cause that will set them free. They are
hardened to the truth, and will kill YOU or ME or the
PRESIDENT if they have the chance because WE
represent truth, freedom, democracy, equality, and all
the great ideals of a democratic government .

NOT everything that results from the freedoms

protected by democracy are good, but that’s the
CHANCE we take when we guarantee freedom .
Likewise GOD gave us all FREE WILL and thereby the
chance is always there that evil rather than good will
result. And we see and hear about evil every day, most
of it extreme examples of murder and adultery—the
stuff we read about in the news. But there are other
LESS OBVIOUS evils that are pervasive as well.

In my own nuclear family I am constantly aware of

gossip and innuendo aimed at me to make me feel bad
and make people think bad of me. My sister, Sissy Julie,
is an expert at this sort of highbrow innuendo that does
damage to a person—and she does it to deflect the truth
from herself—she is projecting her own weaknesses on
to others—primarily me. It’s very upsetting when I
think about it, so I try not to think about it.

I was also not happy that my dad effectively blocked me

from continuing my 10th floor presence at the Crystal
Cathedral after having set up Mustard Seed Ministries
right there—that’s where it all began. I realized

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somewhere along the way that we were NOT completely
on the same side—even though I wholeheartedly
supported his CARE & KINDNESS conference, and
have also financially given to the Crystal Cathedral.

It also is SMALL of him given the generosity so many

others have shown to him along the way helping him to
get his career going as a CRC PASTOR. He has been
shown more charity than anybody I know—from the
IOWA CITY days to Grand Rapids and out here to
Southern California. But yet part of him likes to think
he did it all “by the bootstraps” as they say. He likes to
believe he accomplished the American Dream as a
pastor because he worked so hard.

Nobody has WORKED SO HARD, or nobody has

worked hard enough. We are all sinners as well as
PRODUCTS OF GRACE AND GRACIOUSNESS,
including my dad, Jim Kok, as well as missionary Ray
Brinks and his son Steve, and also, of course, Paul
Bergsma.

I myself, despite working harder and longer than most

people, and despite having the least material gains to
show for it, am nonetheless ALSO a product of grace &
graciousness. None of us can do too much let alone
enough. We cannot EARN it. It’s an illusion or a
delusion.

However, some people have and deserve more power

than others because we entrust them with greater

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wisdom and a higher capacity for making “judicial”
decisions. This does NOT necessarily mean it is the
court or court officers upon whom we rely. Sometimes it
is, but other times we turn to preachers, pastors,
teachers, community leaders, and of course, the
president of the USA as well as presidents and
dignitaries of other countries as well.
‘
TOGETHER the wisdom is collective and for the better
and leads to that which is for the GREATER GOOD.
And so we must PRAY for the individuals who make
decisions that add to the collective wisdom, and some
individuals have GREATER WEIGHT in that collection
than others.

But that’s what makes DEMOCRACY so great—but

also education so important. To become HEARD and
known AND to add to the collective wisdom it HELPS
to be able to read, write, speak, and communicate in
commonly accepted ways. BUT even if you cannot do
that—you STILL HAVE A VOICE—thru prayer. EVEN
a mute person can pray

“Anyone who speaks in a tongue does

not speak to men but to God. Indeed,
no one understands him; he utters
mysteries with his spirit…”
1 Cor 14:2

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And THRU GOD can be heard in ways we might not
realize or understand. YOU COUNT, no matter what !
In fact, perhaps some of those WITHOUT A TONGUE
are more wise than those with. Consider the following:

Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it

makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on
fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of
evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole
person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is
itself set on fire by hell.
James 3:5-6

Having a TONGUE is as much of a potential burden as

it is a blessing. And so we must carefully weigh the
words we speak. The biggest blessing we have with our
tongues is to be able to BLESS AND PRAISE THE
LORD :
“…every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is
Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.”
Phil 2:11

There are times when I get so angry within myself about

the way things are, and I swear it is because of
CORRUPTION and the dirty deeds of people and I
want to take justice in to my own hands BUT I DON’T !

What stops me ? ONLY ONE THING. It is the

willingness to admit that I can’t see everything GOD
SEES and TO HOPE that somehow in the greater

25
scheme of things GOD’s PROVIDENCE is at work and
will prevail in the next chapter of the book or if not in
the next chapter then in the sequel.

I still RUMINATE about how poorly I was treated when

I was at FULLER SEMINARY and had an incident
with the Pasadena Police which led to me suing them
and taking THEM to court. I was the plaintiff. They
were the defendant. And during that chapter another
incident occurred which caused me to become all the
more discouraged—BUT despite that courage in the soil
there was still another seed—a MUSTARD SEED OF
FAITH & HOPE that kept me from despair.
Discouragement is not the same as despair.
Discouragement is temporary anger or frustration, but
does NOT envelope the entire being in believing that all
is futility. If such were the case I would be in a total
state of DESPAIR, and so far I have never gotten to that
point, PRAISE THE LORD !

AND there are times I ruminate about the

INJUSTICES that occurred while I was growing up in
West Michigan and things that made me angry and
frustrated and discouraged, and despite this I did NOT
DESPAIR. I still have righteous indignation about
things that took place and still write letters and
comment about things but I am WILLING to wait for
GOD’s next chapter or sequel and will allow GOD’S
providence to prevail.

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Does this mean we should NEVER lift a hand to
intervene or take justice in our own hand either
individually or collectively ? In seminary they teach
about “just war” and when , by an ethical standard, it
may be right to go to war. In fact at an individual level
—at a point of self-defense or defending others it may
be right also. And I have employed some forms of self-
defense in this regard as well.

In that respect, sometimes when your character is being

viciously and wrongly attacked you could argue from an
ethical standpoint that self-defense is justified.

The more I PRAY and reflect on GOD’S goodness and

attempt to do GOOD THINGS in the name of GOD—
whether it be passing out tracts that talk about JESUS
and the HOPE he gives—most recently tracts in the
CHINESE language around CHINATOWN and some of
the ASIAN areas of MONTEREY PARK &
ALHAMBRA (CA) the GREATER realization of
GOD’S will I EXPERIENCE---it’s these EPIPHANIES
that raise my consciousness to a new level and take me
to a higher level of faith.

I had such an epiphany a few months ago as I was

standing on the edge of the 405 freeway northbound
waiting for my car to cool down. It’s been having
radiator problems for a while now—and I’ve survived
by constantly refilling the radiator with water until I
can get a new water pump installed. I was standing on
the edge of the freeway with cars rushing past like

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Southern California speed demons and I felt a
COMPLETE CALM and feeling of PEACE. I’ve been
stuck on the side of the freeway before and the feeling is
anything BUT calm and peace. This time, for some
reason, I felt okay—perhaps it was the backup plan I
have in mind—my WALK ACROSS AMERICA that is
still in the playbook—and my belief that if NEED BE—
if all else fails—if my car breaks down to such a point
that it becomes irreparable from a financial point of
view—that I will give it away to charity and START
WALKING.

IN FACT there are times when I’ve even thought

wouldn’t it be nice if such would happen—BUT I will
not personally try to make it happen. I will keep it
running to the best of my ability until it simply happens
due to wear & tear. Likewise, I will keep substitute
teaching—even though sometimes it is against all odds
—until that time where I am getting absolutely no calls
at all or the level of persecution in the public schools
gets to an intolerable level.

YES my friends I get regularly persecuted in the public

schools and most of my days in the classroom are not
very fun nor edifying—ever since the first day I taught
as a regular teacher at COACHELLA VALLEY HIGH.
I get regularly and wrongly looked down upon as a
privileged white boy who only knows English—the same
way Steve Brinks wrongly stereotyped me—knowing
nothing about me.

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Things they don’t know about me: the years doing a
paper route seven days a week –not by car—but by foot,
rain, shine, or snow ! Shoveling snow. Snowblowing
snow. Learning Spanish—two years in high school and
a semester in Spain. Paying back student loans from
college—something Steve Brinks didn’t have to do
because he got some sort of deal due to being a
“minority” even though he isn’t. The years practicing
and playing baseball—sounds fun—but it’s also work.
Same thing for football. I didn’t see that on Steve
Brinks resume. What do missionary kids do while
growing up abroad ? My observation is that they do
NOT have it too rough as American kids in foreign
countries. But don’t ask the missionary kids or families
that question—because their job is to convince you it’s
not too nice and therefore we should give them more
money.

Other things they don’t hear about is the persecution

PASTORS KIDS experience from the kids of “Christian
parents” who attend church but hold regular jobs. A lot
of these parents only grudgingly respect the pastor and
grudgingly give to the church. And whatever respect or
lack of they have towards the pastor is likely to be the
same feelings of their kids. Kids imitate parents and
their viewpoints for much of their growing years if only
for the sake of peace and harmony in the house. So if a
parent doesn’t like the pastor or thinks the pastor is a
“jerkoff” the kids will probably think likewise towards
the pastor and/or the pastor’s kids.

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That explains the comment of Rick Devries, the son of
our “Christian” high school janitor, George Devries, in
an ALL-TOO-OBVIOUS ATTACK AND
REVELATION OF his thoughts and/or the thoughts of
his father towards me and/or my family when he HIT
me in the head with his hand and called me a “major
jerkoff” at a high school football game. And that
explains why STEVE BRINKS slowly turned against
me—after being roommates with Rick Devries at Notre
Dame—while they both were studying economics at the
graduate level. I can RUMINATE on the unfairness of
these things. I can wonder why GOD would just happen
to PAIR UP Rick Devries (my eternal enemy) with Steve
Brinks (who originally was my friend) and why GOD
would allow Rick Devries to POISON the mind of Steve
Brinks against me, BUT was it GOD AT WORK ?! Or
was it, in fact, Satan trying to get me to turn against
GOD ?

And I can RUMINATE why GOD would allow Audrey

VanOen to pretend to be my friend as she paired up and
eventually married Eric Kooyer—and WHY they would
go to such a pretense OF being friends when they were
not BUT again it would not do me any good—because
IT might, in fact, NOT, be GOD at work, but rather,
SATAN.

And I can ruminate on WHY certain people would

interfere with relationships I was working on—such as
my relationship with BARB WIERSMA (interfered with
by Kevin Vredeveld) or my relationship with Amy

30
Jonkers (interfered with by my Aunt Martha Van
Genderen) but would it do any good ? Maybe it was
SATAN working thru them . And maybe I have to wait
for the next chapter or sequel.

The one thing I DO have a right to request or expect is

that these people do NOT kill me—physically or
emotionally ! I have the right, by law, to NOT be
slandered or libeled or cheated or have something
spoken of me that will make people falsely think bad of
me. Yet that has already happened.

And I am now in a tentative time of life—with another

“relationship”—one that is less romantic than the
others I mention above. This is my relationship, or lack
of, with the LAUSD—and my eleven years as a
substitute teacher. It’s a nebulous relationship, and may
be coming to an end. It’s their decision whether to call
me or not—whether to give me assignments or not.
They know my education. They know my commitment.
They know my capabilities, but at some point people
become political and the welfare of the students
becomes less compelling to them than the welfare of
themselves. And in some places if you are TOO GOOD
they don’t want you. Why? Because it makes them look
bad and threatens their own livelihood. I can only hope
that they don’t go so far as to libel or slander me in
order to get me out of their way. I hope, instead, that
they will simply stop calling. And when that happens I
will START WALKING—EVEN IF MY CAR IS STILL
RUNNING.

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I WILL walk and tell the GOOD NEWS and keep
walking and keep telling until I cannot walk anymore.
Sure, I want the American dream—the pretty wife and
nice home like anybody else, but there are times when
you realize the ODDS are stacked against it because
there are ruthless and petty people guarding against
that ever happening. These are also SICK people AND
they inhabit various levels of leadership—in churches,
in schools, in school districts, in seminaries, even in your
own family--YOU NAME IT—they already got an
AGENDA of their own—as well as allies—and YOUR
NAME & MY NAME is NOT on that agenda.
[
It’s NOT FAIR and its NOT RIGHT and sometimes it’s
downright damn frustrating but don’t let it take you to
the point of DESPAIR. Their reward is now. Our
reward is in heaven ! Ruminate on that—with HOPE in
the inner being—Christ is the light !

They preach a watered down word that is only for their

own benefit and safekeeping. We Preach for
ETERNITY and for the KINGDOM and to set people
free ! We have the KEY to their freedom if they would
listen but they will NOT. And NOT only will they NOT
listen but they might want to kill you and I –the
keyholders, just like they killed JESUS CHRIST—the
only man that could set them free.We are the BODY OF
CHRIST NOW and it shouldn’t surprise us that they
will want to kill us too. Just remember, OUR REWARD
IS IN HEAVEN, not here. Amen

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 Vander KOK
JOHN THE EVANGELIST FOR CHRIST

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