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THE ART OF GANDY
LOVE DOES NOT HURT





October 2014 VOL. 1 ISSUE #1 Page 1
The Unforgiven and Unworthy Pain

The month of October is National
Domestic Violence Month and now more
than ever is the time to stop the cycle of
abuse. I am a survivor of domestic
violence and a former Unit Victim
Advocate and counselor for Soldiers of
sexual assault and abuse in Iraq. The
ugliness of assault and abuse is intensified
when you are in a war zone but it does not
subtract the ugliness that a man or woman
may face in their own home!

Tears may consume our lives at times but
laughter has to enter into our lives for
healing. It is astounding how much pain as
humans that we inflict on each other.
There are people who hurt each other
based on jealousy, revenge, anger, and just
because it is part of their inner core. When
others desire to hurt us, we have to be
willing to allow their attempt to hurt us
bounce off and not enter our heart and
our spirit. After all, those who attempt to
hurt others have a main goal to cause
others to feel pain.

There are members in my family that do
not talk to each other and do not talk to
me for one silly reason or the other.
Although I have not intentionally hurt
anyone and I have provided for many
people along the way and have given my
time and effort, I utilize my kindness
because it is instilled in my character. We
cant dwell on those who refuse to speak to
us because the problem is no longer our
problem. We cant allow any pain from
their actions to control our inner spirit. In
addition, we cant allow their pain to
become our pain!
Someone who loves you will not hurt you
emotionally, physically, mentally and
psychologically! If they hurt you it is
called abuse! Emotional abuse is worse
than any form of abuse because it creates
deeper scars that often lasts a lifetime. I
know it because I have experience it and
unfortunately I learned it at a young age.
Psychological and mental abuse creates
hurtful games with your mind and you can
feel mentally drained. I know this first
hand because I have experience this at a
young age. Physical abuse creates long
lasting scars and often years later one can
see the scars and can remember what
occurred that day to receive this abuse.
Once again, I know this because I have
experience this at a young age. If you are
experiencing any of these abuses, it is time
for you to leave and never return. Abusers
will apologize, beg, plead, cry and promise
you the stars, sun, and moon! Abuse is a
sickness that requires many years of
therapy for one to understand the root
cause of the abuse.
Continued on p. 2








The Lord tests the righteous, but his soul
hates the wicked and the one who loves
violence(Psalm 11:5, ESV).
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The Unforgiven and Unworthy Pain
Continued from p. 1

If you are afraid to leave an abusive relationship,
prepare for it and never allow the abuser to know
your plans. Unfortunately, there are millions of
women and men who did not leave in time and their
life was taken away tragically due to abuse! As a
former First Sergeant use to say to us Soldiers in
formation before the weekend begins, dont be that
one! Please, do not be that one who becomes a
domestic violence victim! You have a chance right
now at this moment to become a domestic violence
survivor! Reach your goals and your dreams for you
and for your children! Change those tears that you
constantly or occasionally experience into freedom!
Domestic violence of any kind should never be
tolerated!

Years of domestic abuse takes time for healing and
often people are never healed from the years of
abuse. The abuser shall never be given any power
over your emotions and mind! Do not forgive the
abuser for his abuse face to face, but forgive the
abuser in your mind and heart when you are ready to
forgive. When you release the pain from the abuse
you will finally experience the transition from
unforgiven to forgiven in your mind and heart. Once
you have forgiven your abuser in your mind and
heart, the doors of feeling unworthy will transition to
feeling worthy! Laughter will consume your life
during this healing and transition process! Every
word that I have mentioned is from my experience
with abuse and my transition to empowerment and
strength as a survivor of abuse!

Blessings and love to you,

Joan
Original article from the Art of Gandy Website


Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall
sustain thee; he shall never suffer the righteous to
be moved(Psalm 55:22, KJV).

October 2014 VOL. 1 ISSUE #1 Page 2


Become a domestic violence survivor and not
victim!


Books to purchase on domestic violence
available on the website!

THE ART OF GANDY
Lathrop, CA 95330
TheArtOfGandy@gmail.com

www.TheArtOfGandy.com






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Where to go for help:

Domestic Violence Hotline at
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and
TTY 1-800-787-3224.

National Domestic Violence
Hotline
1-800-799-
SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224
(TTY)

National Sexual Assault
Hotline
1-800-656-
HOPE (4673)

National Teen Dating Abuse
Helpline
1-866-331-9474
1-866-331-8453
(TTY) -or-
Text Loveis to
22522
What is domestic violence?

We define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior
in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or
maintain power and control over another intimate
partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual,
emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of
actions that influence another person. This includes any
behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate,
frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or
wound someone.


October 2014 VOL. 1 ISSUE #1 Page 3
Definitions

Dating Violence: Violence committed by a person
who is or has been in a social relationship of a
romantic or intimate nature with the victim is
dating violence. The existence of such a
relationship shall be determined based on a
consideration of the following factors:
the length of the relationship
the type of relationship
the frequency of interaction between the
persons involved in the relationship
Economic Abuse: Is defined as making or
attempting to make an individual financially
dependent by maintaining total control over
financial resources, withholding one's access to
money, or forbidding one's attendance at school or
employment.
Continued on p. 4

.






Go to a safe place immediately if you
are a victim of violence or abuse!








Purchase books on abuse,
surviving abuse, mental health,
emotional health and health
and well-being on our website!

Thank you for your support!

www.TheArtOfGandy.com
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Definitions
Continued from p. 3


Emotional Abuse: Undermining an individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem is abusive. This
may include, but is not limited to constant criticism, diminishing one's abilities, name-calling, or
damaging one's relationship with his or her children.

Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, etc. are types of
physical abuse. This type of abuse also includes denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or
drug use upon him or her.
Psychological Abuse: Elements of psychological abuse include - but are not limited to - causing fear by
intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction
of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of race,
age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic
violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds
and education levels. Domestic violence occurs in both
opposite-sex and same-sex relationships and can happen to
intimate partners who are married, living together, or dating.
Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but
also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-
workers, other witnesses, and the community at large.
Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are
among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent
exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes
children to numerous social and physical problems, but also
teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore,
increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of
victims and abusers.

Sexual Abuse: Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual
contact or behavior without consent. Sexual abuse includes,
but is certainly not limited to, marital rape, attacks on sexual
parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has
occurred, or treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.
Sexual Assault: Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or
behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the
recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are
sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy,
child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.
Sources: National Domestic Violence Hotline, National Center
for Victims of Crime, and WomensLaw.org
Warning: If you are in danger do not use a
computer at home unless it is a safe computer not
monitored, and do not leave the domestic
violence newsletter around!


Please visit and shop on WWW.THEARTOFGANDY.COM
October 2014 VOL. 1 ISSUE #1 Page 4