If youd like to take a look at a few more essays that got students admitted into top colleges,

here are some strong ones. Not all of them directly address one of our prompts, but they
could fit under a broader interpretation of these questions. It never hurts to see more
examples, so I highly encourage you to read these and take note of what you think they do
successfully!
utgrowing the !arage"#li$ah
The air is tainted with unnatural fumes of grease, wood, and burnt electrical tape. Oil
slicks stain the floor. Thick wooden shelves sag unnervingly close to buckling under the weight
of old house paint and power tools. A workbench lies buried beneath papers, rulers, cans, and
metal shards. An uncomfortable growl pours from the water heater. Most people wouldnt
describe my grimy garage as pleasant, but I love spending my free time here. Its where I built a
ft trebuchet in si!th grade, a " ft trebuchet in seventh grade, and plan to build an # ft trebuchet
this winter break. Its where I built a battlebot and slapped an Arduino microcontroller on top to
give it intelligence. $ver since I sat watching %ets shake the sky and e!plosions rock the screen in
the movie Iron Man as a stunned si!th grader, Ive spent weekends e!perimenting in my garage,
trying to learn everything I can about engineering and robotics.
&ure, outside of my garage I love wildlife and hiking, history, and weird foods. I love
classic rock, %a'', and maybe even secretly (aty )erry. *evertheless, Ive always had a life plan
centered on robotics+ go to a great college, learn robotics, build robots, get a ,ernese mountain
dog, and live happily ever after in a beautiful forest home. It seems strange that Ive committed
myself to robotics so easily despite my many interests, but in reality, robotics combines nearly all
of them. -omputer science, electrical engineering, and mechanical engineering are crucial to the
robot, but combine them with biology, astronomy, music, or ecology, and thats when robotics
becomes ama'ing. I could help the sick with robots that give surgeons more de!terity while
operating. I could help the poor with affordable, robot.made products. I could aid the elderly,
replace the limbs of wounded warriors, and keep fire fighters from harms way, all with robots.
Although these robots may not be the crimson and gold Iron Man suit that first got me interested,
I love the realistic and heroic possibilities in the field of robotics.
Almost as e!citing as imagining the robots I could build, is imagining where I could build
them. I could become a professor and research cutting edge A.I. algorithms. I could become an
entrepreneur and bring my creations to market. I could even become an employee for a tech
company and devote myself to its latest innovations. Maybe ne!t year around this time, I will
even be studying on the /reshman 0uad. 1ith the 2-&3 robotics lab, the minor in robotics, a
top.notch engineering program, a beautiful campus, incredible seafood, and what the visiting
admissions counselor described as a 4vibrant a cappella scene,5 6ohns 7opkins will both make
college fun and satisfy my inner nerd. ,ut for now, I will go on working in my garage,
competing for space with the family car.
We like Elijahs essay because you really get a sense of his personalitythe essay is
light-hearted, but still does a good job of highlighting his interest in robotics in a descriptive and
entertaining way by comparing it to his fascination with ron !an" #e ties his interests back to
opportunities at $#% like the freedom to combine multiple academic fields, research in the &'()
lab, and the a cappella scene" *s you are reading his essay, you picture someone who will
e+plore academic programs, student groups, and opportunities on and off campusyou picture a
dynamic member of our #opkins community",
8%ohns &opkins 'ndergraduate (dmissions )ommittee
*emper"+orley
I feel perfectly content at 1oodrow 1ilson &kateboard )ark, a cement swell in the
ground located %ust west of the easternmost point of the north side of -hicago and trapped
perennially in the mental space inhabited by fourteen.year.old angry youths. Outside of home
and school, it is the place where I have spent most of my life. Its terrain so familiar, I could
navigate it blindfolded, towed on my board by a pack of feral dogs. Much of what I know of life,
I learned there.
A sea of nods and handshakes and back pats welcomes my every arrival to this municipal
oasis. 7ere, I am known. -alled variously Mor, ,ob Morley, Mordog, Mo, Mo Money, or 9long
story: Tom )ork. It is the only place on earth where 9were an election ever to be held: I could
almost certainly be mayor. Among the strange, sometimes downcast, and essentially good people
here, I have found another family. I need them as much as they need me and as much as we all
need skateboarding. This four.wheeled toy brings us inner peace. &kateboarding is a standing
meditation, a time to put conscious thought aside and let primal impulse guide the body through
various %umps and balancing acts. I turn to skating in times of %oy and in times of strife, to
celebrate a good day, escape writers block, social failures, or other minor tragedies.
It is at 1ilson that I encountered once, and then again, a man called Temper. I was
thirteen when I crashed into a beefy shadowy figure I had heard talked about only in whispers.
This man, known by the word he had chosen to affi! to hundreds of walls around -hicago, had
earned a spot in the community as a respected graffiti artist and skateboarder. 7is improbably
light feet and on.board grace were known to most of the city. I was barely inaugurated into the
park scene when I plowed headlong into him, knocking both of us down, turtle.like and winded.
I hadnt been paying attention and apologi'ed rapid.fire while trying to scrape my body off of
his. 1hen we both got to our feet, Temper knocked me down again and walked away without
comment. It was the most frightening thing that ever happened to me at 1ilson. 7e left the park
that day, and I had seen him once, maybe twice, since.
The five years since the incident have been more or less good to me. In high school, I
abandoned the dream of becoming a professional skateboarder and discovered a fuller gamut of
lifes offerings. I learned to think about things other than skating and in turn discovered physics,
girls, cooking, and writing8a pursuit I love as much as skateboarding. The same cannot be said
for the passage of time in Tempers life. I saw him recently and had lunch with him and my
friend. 7e told us of overcoming a crippling drug addiction, spending time in %ail, and
contracting AI;&8a disease that every day reminds him that his time on earth is coming to an
end. 7e is trying his best to make the most of it all. It was with the greatest trepidation that I told
him about the 1ilson incident. Over pi''a and lemon soda, I e!plained how much he had scared
me. I added that it was important that it had happened. I think it helped me grow up, I e!plained.
An awkward silence followed. 7is head turned down and to the side for a moment. Then he %ust
laughed. 7is eyes apologi'ed, and I laughed too, collectively embracing that very 1ilson
mentality+ life, like skateboarding and men named 4Temper,5 will knock you down. There is
nothing else to do but forgive, forget, and stand back up.
!orleys structure for the essay is measured with each paragraph transitioning to a different
personal -uality" #e sets the scene and characters, and then shifts into the meat of the essay,
writing about how a specific incident epitomi.es the park e+perience" /he essay beautifully ties
in !orleys personality with his e+periences at Woodrow Wilson" #is focus is always on
developing how the park has shaped #!" *fter reading the essay, have a much better
understanding of who !orley is and what -ualities he will bring to #opkins" We get the sense
that he is reflective and authenticthe type of $#% student youd want as your lab partner or in
your writing group",
8%ohns &opkins 'ndergraduate (dmissions )ommittee
&ometown",uan
2ife without language+ all the ideas, thoughts, and emotions present, but unable to be
e!pressed. This is how I picture my grandfather when he first immigrated to America with my
grandmother and their nine children. 2ost, he wanders around, hoping to bump into someone
who can understand him. 7e raises his own children to know <ietnamese and hopes his future
grandchildren would also be connected to the language of their ancestors. ,ut when I form my
lips into unnatural shapes to speak these words, they come out pathetically.
I cannot speak <ietnamese.
As a child, the conversations between me and my grandfather consisted of feeble
attempts at speaking each others language. Only a couple of familiar words could momentarily
break the wall that divided us. 1henever I visited his house, I e!changed a shaky 4-h=o >ng5 for
his heavily accented 47e.llo,5 and ran off before the shame from my inability to understand
could affect me.
At the time, I was unaware of the synchroni'ed rhythm that beats in the hearts of me, my
father, and my grandfather. My grandfather loves playing the violin. Although he is not
classically trained and can hardly keep a beat, he loves it and I can sense it every time he plays.
1hen my family came to America, my father struggled to ad%ust as any teenage immigrant
would. <ietnamese was confined to his familys home and $nglish was difficult to learn, so
instead, he picked up the guitar and taught himself how to play 4?esterday5 by the ,eatles. /orty
years later, he claims he still cannot get it down perfectly. On the piano in our living room, he
sings in broken $nglish@
0esterday, all my troubles seemed so far away1,
2ike my grandfather, music is a part of my fathers design. ,y the unchangeable threads
of heredity, I was also fated to have a connection to music, %ust like them. And it was music that
could break the language barrier between me and my grandfather.
A single sheet of music sat in front of me. It was a beautiful piece, no doubt, but we, the
All.&tate &enior ,and, were playing it without any emotion. After a couple of unsuccessful run.
throughs of this piece entitled 47ometown,5 our guest conductor &amuel 7a'o told us to look at
measure thirty.three, reflect on a personal memory that reminded us of that part, and write about
it right there on our sheet music. &oon after instructing us to do the same in the other parts of the
piece, everyones sheet music was filled with our lives in the form of tiny scribbles between the
lines of melodies. 1hen we played the piece again, we were finally able to 4sing our life
stories,5 as Mr. 7a'o would call it. $very musical phrase became a vessel for retelling our most
precious memories+ stories of first loves and recollections of childhood memories. *o one had to
say a single word.
There in the music, I finally spoke to my grandparents. As I played measure thirty.three, I
pictured them sitting there on that boat in the middle of the ocean, holding onto a faint glimmer
of hope for a new life in America, looking for their own new 4hometown.5 I said 4thank you5 for
their courage to come to the strange and unknown America and 4sorry5 for being unable to speak
<ietnamese. After the concert that night, I received a bigger hug than usual from them and I
knew that they had heard and understood me. ,eing a part of a family and culture is more than
%ust knowing the language. $motions are enough to make words unnecessary. In my family, we
speak three different languages+ <ietnamese, the language of our origin, $nglish, the language of
our new home, and music to connect everything together.
like that 2uan shares a piece of his life and one of his passions that we may not have known
otherwise with us in the essay3 music" #e ties his innate love of music back to his family and
makes a really powerful connection between music and language" #e captures the readers
attention from the first few sentences by weaving the story of his family into an e+pansion on one
of his favorite activities" 0ou really get a taste of how passionate he is about music and that it is
something he would share with our $#% community" 2uan provides us with a window into some
of what he values most in lifefamily, his cultural heritage, and music and what he would
bring to our student body",
8%ohns &opkins 'ndergraduate (dmissions )ommittee
*he %ob I -hould &ave ,uit . /rew
?ou can learn a lot about me from a Auick glance in my closet. ?oull find no clothes, but
shelves filled with motori'ed 2ego kits, $rector sets, model rockets, remote control race cars,
and bo!es full of motors, wires, batteries, propellers, soldering irons and hand tools. Ive always
en%oyed building things. *o one was surprised when I decided to apply to college for mechanical
engineering.
1hen last May a friend of my fathers asked me if I wanted a summer %ob working for
his machining company, I %umped at the opportunity. I would learn how to use computer.
operated lathes and milling machines, I would gain valuable hands.on e!perience for my college
studies, and Id get a good line on my resumB.
1ithin hours of beginning my new %ob, I learned that my fathers friend was a
subcontractor for the military. The components Id be making would be used in military vehicles.
After that first day of work, I had many conflicting thoughts. Im firmly against the Cnited
&tates overuse of military might in the world theater. Im a big critic of our mismanaged
involvement in IraA. Im appalled by the number of lives that have been lost in the Middle $ast,
many of them young Americans like myself. I want our troops to have the best eAuipment they
can, but I also believe that our possession of the best military eAuipment makes us more likely to
go to war. Military technology continues to grow more lethal, and technological developments
create a never.ending cycle of military escalation.
;id I want to be part of this cycleD To this day I still weigh the ethical dilemma of my
summer work. 1ere I to not do the %ob, the vehicle components would still be produced. Also,
the parts I was making were for support vehicles, not assault weaponry. Its even possible that
my work would be saving lives, not endangering them. On the other hand, nuclear bombs and
missile guidance systems were all created by scientists and engineers with good intentions. Im
convinced that even the most innocent involvement in the science of war makes one complicit in
war itself.
I considered Auitting the %ob. 1ere I true to my ideals, I really should have walked away
and spent the summer mowing lawns or bagging groceries. My parents argued in favor of the
machinist %ob. They made valid points about the value of the e!perience and the ways that it
would lead to bigger opportunities in the future.
In the end I kept the %ob, partly from my parents advice and partly from my own desire to
be doing real engineering work. 2ooking back, I think my decision was one of convenience and
cowardice. I didnt want to insult my fathers friend. I didnt want to disappoint my parents. I
didnt want to let a professional opportunity slip away. I didnt want to mow lawns.
,ut what does my decision say about the futureD My summer %ob made me recogni'e that
the military is a big employer of engineers, whether directly or indirectly. Cndoubtedly Ill be
confronting similar yet more serious ethical decisions in the future. 1hat if my first %ob offer has
a stunning salary and interesting engineering challenges, but the employer is a defense contractor
like 2ockheed or 3aytheonD 1ill I turn down the %ob, or will I once again compromise my
idealsD I may even face such conflicts during college. Many engineering professors work under
military grants, so my college research and internships could get entangled in messy ethical
dilemmas.
Im hoping Ill make a better decision the ne!t time my ideals are challenged. If nothing
else, my summer %ob has made me more aware of the types of information I want to collect
before I accept a %ob and arrive at my first day of work. 1hat I learned about myself during my
summer work wasnt e!actly flattering. Indeed, it makes me reali'e that I need college so that I
can develop not %ust my engineering skills, but also my ethical reasoning and leadership skills. I
like to think that in the future Ill use my engineering skills to better the world and tackle noble
causes like climate change and sustainability. My bad decision this past summer has inspired me
to look ahead and find ways to make my ideals and my love of engineering work together.
3ead a critiAue of this essay at+ http+EEcollegeapps.about.comEodEessaysEaEcollege.
application.essay.ethical.dilemmaF.htm