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To:
From:
Subject:
Date:

Mrs. Nogay
Lauren Guidry, Mark Mehany, Lauren Smith, Alexander Wolski
Analysis and Proposed Changes to the Texas Water Safety Training Manual
September 19th, 2014

Dear Mrs. Nogay:

In Writing for Results page 101, the document about snakes is ineffective and includes many
errors in organization, style, and design. Such errors include:

Organization
o Weak visual hierarchy
o Not descriptive headings
o No road map for introduction
o Pictures are not labeled
o Information not effectively chunked
o Multiple main ideas per paragraph
o Not every paragraph has a topic sentence
o First paragraph has too many irrelevant information
o No concluding sentences for paragraphs.
Style
o Passive voice
o Unnecessary words and phrases
o Weak subjects and loaded with to be verbs
o Poor grammatical structure.
Design
o Weak visual hierarchy
o Body font is sans serif.
Other
o Snakes are not described properly
o Does not appeal to various audience appropriately.

By using the examples and the student assessment worksheet in Writing for Results, as well as
working with each other and suggesting various ideas, we effectively revised the Snake
document.

Venomous Texas Snake Safety

Texas is home to a huge variety of snakes; however, some are venomous and potentially
dangerous. Here we will introduce some of the most well-known and venomous snakes in
Texas, safety precautions to take, and what to
do if you are bitten by one.

Coral Snakes
Coral snakes reside in dry flatlands, scrub
areas, and wooded areas and are more active
at night. Coral snakes are recognizable by their
distinct coloration, which helps to separate
1 .2:
K ing
s nake)

them from their similar counterpart: the king (Figure 1.1: Coral snake) (Figure
snake (see Figure 1.1 and 1.2). An easy way to remember the difference between a coral
snake and a king snake is this rhyme: red touches yellow, kill a fellow. Red touches black,
venom lack. Due to their size and wariness, the coral snakes are less likely to attack;
however, coral snake venom causes weakness and respiratory paralysis.
Cottonmouth Snakes
The cottonmouth snake is the most aggressive snake in Texas,
exhibiting a black, brown, or olive color (see figure 2). Also
called the water moccasin, cottonmouth snakes live in wetlands,
rivers, and lakes. Their venom has the ability to destroy red
blood cells and inhibit clotting abilities of the blood.

Rattlesnakes

(Figure 2: Cottonmouth Snake)

The rattlesnake, one of the most well-known snakes in Texas, gets its name from the
rattle on the end of its tail (see figure 3). When disturbed,
rattlesnakes make a distinctive sound with their rattle to
alert others of their presence. Rattlesnakes have diamond-
shaped markings on their back and are generally olive or
dark colored skin patterns. Although they are not usually
aggressive, the rattlesnake will bite if provoked.
Rattlesnakes are more active at night and often live in
deserts, forests, mountains, or dry areas. The venom of some
rattlesnakes can cause illness or death; however, in most
(Figure 3: Rattlesnake)
cases, the bite is not fatal with immediate medical treatment.

Precaution
The best way to avoid a snake bite is to exercise caution and look out for nearby snakes!
One could also wear snake guards, heavy leather gloves, or knee-high boots. However, it is
important to remember that this is the snakes home and we need to respect them.

How to Treat Snake Bites

Some snake bites require immediate medical attention; however, if a snake bite is visible,
even a bite from a nonvenomous snake, and no there is no immediate medical care, then
take the following steps:
1. Call 911 immediately
2. After contacting 911, make sure the scene is safe, remove the snake if needed, remain
calm, and elevate the victims head
3. If possible, wash affected area with soap and water
4. Apply a clean bandage on the wound to minimize swelling.
Unless directed by a professional, medical research1 provides the following warnings:
1.
2.
3.
4.

Do not cut the bite and suck the poison

Do not use ice
Do not use alcohol on the affected area
Do not use tourniquets or a restrictive device.

When speaking with a medical professional, provide a detailed description of the snake. An
accurate description of the snake and bite is crucial to receive effective medical treatment.

Summary
Venomous snakes are a fact of life in Texas and a person should take caution when dealing
with them. These snakes are easy to agitate, so it is important to take proper safety
precautions in areas where they live. When entering a snakes habitat, it is important to
remember that the snakes live here, and deserve respect.

According to EMedicineHealth medical research found at http://www.emedicinehealth.com/snakebite/page6_em.

htm#snakebite_treatment

Reference
Cooper, Diana. "Coral Snake Facts: Learn about the Coral Snake's Behavior, Diet, & More."
Bright Hub. Ed. Laurie Patsalides. N.p., 16 Aug. 2010. Web. 24 Sept. 2014.
De La Houssaye, Marcus. "My Wild Louisiana.": Cotton Mouth Water Moccasin. N.p., 3 Mar.
2011. Web. 22 Sept. 2014.
Hayden, Nancy. "Common Rattlesnakes in Texas." EHow. Demand Media, 19 Apr. 2011.
Web. 23 Sept. 2014.
"How to Tell the Difference Between a King Snake and a Coral Snake." WikiHow. N.p., n.d.
Web. 22 Sept. 2014.
Ignacio, Steve L. "Animal Camouflage Pictures and Information for Kids." Animal
Camouflage Pictures and Information for Kids. N.p., 2010. Web. 26 Sept. 2014.
Leary, Kerry. "Dog Survives Rattlesnake Bite in Eye." Veterinary Specialty Emergency
Hospital. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Sept. 2014.
McKinney, Clara J. "Rattlesnake Venom Facts." EHow. Demand Media, 12 June 2011. Web.
24 Sept. 2014.
"NetworkingMedics...Saving Lives One Class at a Time." NetworkingMedics...Saving Lives
One Class at a Time. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Sept. 2014.
"RattleSnake Facts." Rattlesnake Facts. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Sept. 2014.
"Snakebite Causes, Symptoms, Treatment - Snakebite Treatment - EMedicineHealth."
EMedicineHealth. N.p., n.d. Web. 24 Sept. 2014.