Dr.

Warner,

College is certainly a new experience for me; yet there are times that I have found it is somewhat
not new at all. I was in Duke TIP during my high school years, you see, and spent three summers
in the mock-college environment that the program provided. Thanks to my time there I have
found that adjusting my frame of mind to the classroom setting of college is quite simple. Many
similarities between Duke TIP courses and college courses have become apparent during these
last few weeks, and the familiarity is soothing to my nerves. In my classes I am enthusiastic to
fall back into the focused, dedicated mindset that students who actually wish to be present in
their courses possess.
Outside the classroom, however, it has been harder to adjust. It is not that I have never had to
worry about money. I have merely never had to worry so much, so personally about it. Keeping
up with my declining balance has been a struggle; I can no longer ask my parents for a debit
card, some car keys, and the family car to go grab something at the store. I have to make sure
that when I go shopping I get everything I need right then, no going back, and thats simply not
something I am used to in my daily life back at home. Seeing myself as an adult in aspects that
are not academic is also something I can not quite get myself to do yet either; I like identifying
as a teenager, as someone who has yet to worry about the all of the troubles of being a full grown
adult, and it worries me that I may not be ready to move past that step. When I fell ill during my
Algebra class last week I had no idea how to respond I ended up running out of class and
wandering into an office, asking the people who worked in it to help me because I had no clue
what to do when I was sick. Its uncomfortable to be so sure in one aspect and so unsure in

another because for me being unsure of how to react to my situation was nerve-wracking and
paralyzes me mentally.
When it comes to my goals for this semester, I want to find direction. Academically, I want to
work on deciding a major. The actual picking of a major seems relatively easy in my mind
compared to my real problem I have no final career goal to shoot for. I need that direction, or
final point, to pick my major and feel that I will survive in the after-college world. I also want to
get experience in college life academically in general so that next semester I will have a basis of
experience to point me in the direction of improvement overall and later success grade-wise.
Physically, I want direction as to what items I truly need to survive college, not just what the
school claims or an internet list recommends. I know there are little things no one but I will need
that no one but experience can tell me to bring.
Spiritually, and by this I mean in terms of my mental and emotional health, I want to feel
confident in being on campus by learning some basic direction I can take in specific situations. I
get comfort in knowing what to do in emergencies, such as when I got sick during class, and the
uncertainty I went through when I had no idea what to do left me stressed and anxious. Along
with that, my emotional security being away from home is still something I question; I talk to at
least to one family member every day, either through calling, texting, or both, so am I really
moved out? Would I handle being cut off almost completely like my roommates are since they
all are from places far away from home and Im from a place close by? I dont know yet and I
fear how lonely Ill be with a complete disconnection.
By the end of my time as an undergraduate student in college I hope that academically I can feel
confident and enthusiastic about my ideal career and major. I hope that physically I can be

prepared to support myself in the work world while staying in good physical condition during
my four years here. I hope that spiritually I will be a healthy place mentally and emotionally, but
also be more experienced and self-aware of my mental tendencies and emotional faults. I want to
understand how I work and who I am as much as I can, and sometimes the goal feels
unreachable. I know that college wont give me all the answers on the self-discovery front that
is what life in general is for but I want to make some serious progress as I feel I did in high
school.
My challenges to these goals as many layered and spread out. My own tendency towards
indecision and fear of long-term decision making makes picking a career and thus a major a
difficult process for me. The options available to me and my own true talents versus my mere
interests will also be an issue in settling down with one major. For my physical goals, they tie
into my academic challenges; how can I feel prepared to work to support myself if I cant feel
confident in a single career? My own lack of any experience working a job up to this point also
worries me as to how Ill be when Im working, and how it differs from learning. My spiritual
challenges are familiar at least. When it comes to feeling comfortable in my surroundings and in
emergencies I know that time is my only obstacle, for with enough time Ill eventually figure it
out. Health wise, I know my own tendencies to stress and run myself into the ground at times by
waiting to the last minute could have serious consequences to my mental health. I also may not
grow as I want what if, looking back, I realize I wasted my experiences on shallow things and
never anything deeper? I want to be internally sound and independent but Ive always been close
to my family. How do I have both without being either disconnected or controlling to my family
members?

When it comes to my relationships with my outside influences I have experienced several issues
in my years. As you may have noticed, spiritual goals do not include anything of a religious
nature but alternatively mental and emotional ideals. This is because after an existential crisis
during my sophomore year of high school I realized that I couldnt dedicate myself to any
religion because I couldnt get myself to believe in any of them. I have no religion in my life,
whether it be Christian, Jewish, Islamic, Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu, or any other. I find religions
fascinating in their mythology, sure, but their stories are just that to me mythologies, no
different than the myths of Greece and Rome. This has caused a great amount of tension at time
between myself and my mom, who was raised Christian and is still close to her grandfather, my
great-grandfather, who is still alive and working as a preacher today after decades in the practice.
Shed encourage me to join a campus church group and attempt to grow religiously perhaps
just having a religion would settle her mind. But I dont identify as even atheist or agnostic if
people press to much I claim Im a syncretist, meaning I take aspects of different religions and
mesh them together into a self-designed combination, but for the most part Im simply nonreligious. Delving into religions and trying to find my place within one is something Ive grown
both tired and bitter of, and I fear trying harder to a find one that I can put my chips in will only
embitter me further to religion in general, particularly the Christian religion, as that is what I
have the most experiences with both positively and negatively. I want to be mentally and
emotionally sound without religion; I want to be whole within myself using my inner peace and
self-knowledge, my reliance on real world relationships with myself and others, and my own
moral code that I determine solely on my own. Many people I have been close to over my
lifetime have been unable to understand my world view just as I have become cynical of theirs

and its definitely caused problems in my relationships at home. I dont want that here, but I fear
it will happen again and ruin my peace here.
Another major challenge to my goals is the almost rivalry my parents have with their own
careers. My moms work as an accounting consultant to companies in far-away states over the
past few years mixed with my dads slow start-up in his counseling career has brought upon my
family many arguments and bad times. Both of my parents enjoy their careers greatly but the
disunity between them and their own inability to understand the values of each others chosen
profession has led my sisters and I to be caught between them for it seems that if any of us
were to go into a field similar to one of theirs, it would show a preference towards one parent as
opposed to the other. Ive been somewhat interested in a medical profession for a long time, and
though Im not sure about anything career-wise, I fear that if I end up picking a medical career
my family will see that as me preferring my dad over my mom and thats simply not true. My
middle sister always teases that Im a daddys girl anyway and I dont want to hurt my moms
feelings unintentionally just by doing something I may enjoy. It still leaves me torn, and wary of
settling into something medical as a career.
Change, in my mind, is movement from one form into another. The present is always changing,
always taking on a new form whether it is a forward-minded form or a backwards-minded form.
For my part, I want to help ensure change in my home, state, country, and world is moving
forward, not backwards, whatever that may be.
Sincerely,
Sierra Royalty