A Pack of Life (APoL)

Chapter 13
The Look Into The Sky
It was a pitch-black night. A slender figure is seen outlined by the shining moon in the background. The face
could barely be seen. As the body turns around on one leg the long black hair flings clockwise and with a tilt the body
heads straight off a cliff behind it.
No! Ouch!
Myousuke is lying on his bed with his head against the wall. The sun shines brightly from the window beside him.
He flips over to face the ceiling. He holds his head with his palm in pain.
Ah, my head
Dont tell me you had that dream on your birthday again?
Shinji, upon hearing what Myousuke has described on the way to school, questioned the source of his dreams.
Its not that. Its different. I saw a person, but it wasnt clear Argh, my headache
Myousuke replies in a low, weak tone, holding his hand to his head, looking at the ground.
Good morning, Kawazoe-kun.
He sees the familiar pair of slender legs and looks up to see Himiko. He immediately keeps his hands to his back,
brushes his hair and stands still on the pathway.
Ah, good morning, Kushieda-san!
Shinji bursts into a laugh as Himiko walks away.
Seriously? You should just behave naturally...
You say for yourself. You just wait until the day you have someone to like.
Shinji takes a dry laugh.
Its been a long time since then.
What?
Haha, nothing.
They enter the classroom and stumble upon Sacchi, after she waves to Himiko near her seat.
Ugh. Kawazoe-kun, can you tell your friend to check on his appearance? Geez
The boys look at each other, and do not notice anything amiss.
I think she must hate me.
On the contrary, I think she is concerned about you. Not like she talks about me.
At least she gives you the manners. She doesnt in my case. She called me an idiot before.
The boys shrug in response. They both take their seats, and as Shinji takes his, a teacher peeks in from the
other classroom.
Eh, Matsumoto-sensei is not feeling well this morning. Please do your own self-study for now.
The class stare at the classroom door in silence, and as soon as the door closes behind him, the class suddenly
burst into a series of discussions.

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Quiet, everyone!
The vice-chairperson raises her voice whilst still doing her own work. Everyone immediately lower their voices.
Myousuke sees most of the students facing the front and reading their own content, with only a bunch of students talking
amongst themselves on the other side, at the back of the classroom. He leans back to his seat, staring into the ceiling. He
then notices his deck of Cards under the table. He looks around and sees no reaction. He takes the deck out slightly from
under after placing a textbook on the desk. He browses through the deck and sees the familiar Cards Jouhou and him
have used in the past few weeks. He then stops on one Card. He keeps the rest of the deck under the desk and reads the
Card of interest:
ALLOWS USER TO SCAN AREA FOR TARGETS WITH LITTLE TO NO WILL,
USERS AND VICTIMS ALIKE. AREA ABLE TO SCAN DFEPDNEDENT ON WILL.
Little to no Will? What does that mean?
He looks around the class and he sees no one looking back at him.
Well, theres one way to find out.
He briefly brings up the Card from under the table.
Search For No Will.
He whispers to himself as he sees abstract lines fly throughout the classroom from a messy manner to a circular
ring surrounding the room. The lines then reach to some of the students in class.
Really, Shinji? I can imagine that. Minnoyou? I guess so; she uses so little Will when reading Oh wait she is
not reading anything now.
Myousuke then notices only a few lines go to some of his acquaintances, but most of the lines fly above and
swarm down to
Ueutsu-san?
The girl to his right - who is staring out the classroom window - turns back to see Myousuke.
What?
Ah, nothing.
He gives a wide grin. Sora rests her head on her hand on her desk, looking back at the window. Myousuke looks
back at the Card.
Hmm what does this mean?
Matsumoto-sensei!
Rise!
The class immediately rise to see their teacher bearing a potential baby, walking in slowly into the classroom.
Some students go to her and help her carry her belongings and settle her down on a chair beside the teachers table as
she gives a hand wave to settle the class down.
Looks like Im not able to join you all for your exams, everyone. My dear child is giving me problems recently.
Dont worry, Ill be rooting on you guys, yes?
You have been so kind to us freshmen, Teacher. Can we take a picture with you?
Sacchi walks up to the teacher boldly and speaks on behalf of the class.
Sure!
The students quickly gather around the teacher to take a photo.

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Sora-chan, you dont want to join us?

Myousuke shouts out to Sora as she looks at the active class, ready to take a picture with their beloved teacher.
She hastily rushes out of the classroom.
Wow now look what you have done, Kawazoe-kun. You cant talk to girls like that.
The boys burst into a laugh, leaving Myousuke in confusion.
In the ladies restroom, Sora is seen sitting in a cubicle with the toilet seat covered. She looks down in depression.
She then flushes the toilet and leaves the toilet. As she enters the classroom, students return to their seats while the
teacher prepares to leave the room. Myousuke sees Sora enter and taking her seat.
Hey Sora-chan.
Sora ignores the call.
Hey why did you not join us in the photo-taking? You dont like the teacher?
She continues to stare out of the window, speaking softly to herself.
Intentions are always hidden. Of course, until they are discovered.

What?
She turns over to see a couple of female classmates.
Why do you have to know? Just leave me alone! You are getting on my nerves!
Sora returns a shout of rage, stopping the girls and the boys behind them in their conversations. The girls walk
away, muttering between themselves. Myousuke returns to his seat as Shinji stands beside him.
What did you do, Ueutsu-san?
Its none of your business.
Come on, dont talk like that to Myousuke. Hes the guy to depend on if you have any troubles. Dont take it out
on your friends, you know.
Shut up.
Shinji pokes Myousuke and points at the paranoid girl before he walks away. Sora looks back out of the window
by her seat.
What did you tell your friends? They seem to be unhappy.
They are no friends of mine. They do not understand me at all.
Ueutsu-san is so critical about your classmates. They wont know you unless you tell them.
Why not you just say that Im not critical but actually straightforward or even honest about my feelings? I dont
need friends who care more about themselves than me.
Myousuke stares at the girl in front of him. He then looks above her to see the sun in the background in the
warm sunny afternoon.

Three More Days

I am recently intoxicated by the ridiculous things in life. As far as I know, everything now is ridiculous. Im not bothered
about school; Im forced to do things I do not like at all, and my friends I have always had no friends. Sometimes I
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wonder if living life is actually going along with life in society, hoping to gain some opportunity out of it so as to not feel
like Im going along with it. I dont feel like doing anything else now. Im sure no one else feels like me, because Im the
only one writing about this here. Not like anybody needs to care. Not even this guy beside me in class who looks
concerned about me.
Things always turn to the positive when I intend to make an inevitable decision. But no matter. My mind has decided to
end it all. Ive had enough of this.
Sora, who is staring into the sky
You know what to do, Ueutsu-san. If you continue like this I may have to inform your parents about your poor
academic performance.
The teacher looks at Sora, who is looking down at her test paper.
You may go now.
Sora grabs the paper quickly and leaves the teachers room. She lifts up her head to see Myousuke walking up
the stairs, looking at her. He ignores the girl and quickly walks up the stairs back to class.
In the classroom, Myousuke is seen reading his own materials as Sora arrives at her seat, keeping her paper
under the table. She looks out into the sky.
You saw me at the teachers office, right?
Myousuke looks around and sees Sora peeking back at him. He nods in reply.
I failed my tests again.
Its no big deal. Results are not everything. Everyones got to be good somewhere else.
Its easy for you to say. I have nothing good on me.
Is it that bad?
Sora turns her head back to the desk beside her.
You dont know.
What do I not know? Tell me.
Sora pauses on her words and turns away to look out into the scenery.
People have expectations. Unfortunately it isnt me.
Is it because of your parents?
Sora does not reply. She places her head on the table, still facing the window. Her right ear is open to hear what
Myousuke is talking about.
Why do you talk to me? Because I look like someone to talk to?
Its because you are interesting.
The couple keeps silent as if they have paused in time. Sora lifts her head up and looks back at Myousuke again.
What is that supposed to mean? Is it because Im a female?
You just appear so different after the freshmen orientation. Everyone was so happy and enjoying themselves
back then.
That is just to follow through.
Sora glances at the clock, takes her textbooks from her bag to her left, facing Myousuke.
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now.

Wow. I never thought of things like that. I thought youd be happier if you dont look as worried as you are right
Like how?
She lifts her head to look eye to eye at him.
Okay! Get back to your seats!

The teacher shouts, calling on all students to their seats. The period continues as the students listen attentively
to the new topic. Myousuke glances to his right from time to time, only to see Sora staring out of the window.
Ill now return the results for your recent test. Ueutsu.
Sora hastily walks to the teachers table. After exchanging a few words, she then takes her paper with a sulk on
her face and returns to her seat. The class immerses in an avid discussion whilst witnessing the activity.
This subject too?
Myousuke manages to take a quick glance at the big fat zero on her paper before she slips it into her bag.
And Ueutsu, get someone who has the answers to help you!
Sora points directly as Myousuke without hesitation.
Wha-?
Kawazoe? Good! Youll help her redo the test as an assignment and submit to me by this evening.
But I-
Myousuke looks down at Sora.
Im pleased to accept your aid.
Myousuke sits down with a sigh.
After school, upon the warm afternoon sun shining from the other side of the classroom, Myousuke stays back
with Sora to finish her assignment.
You know how to do this, dont you?
Yes. Im just not bothered to do it.
And then you said you failed your tests. You need the mood to do things, right?
Sora continues to scribble on a few pieces of paper the answers to the assignment while Myousuke sits on his
desk. He looks above her to see the sun in the background.
Why do you keep staring out of the window, Ueutsu-san?
Calling me Sora-chan is okay. Calling me by my family name is so ugly.
She says it with a serious tone whilst still continuing on her work.

Ugly?
Sora-chan, why do you stare out into the sky every other time?
Its the sky Im just staring into the sky.

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She places down her pen and looks into the window despite a student walking past the corridor outside the
classroom, blocking her view. Suddenly Myousukes phone vibrates; he takes it out without hesitation and looks at the
message.
You should not even bother. It probably isnt your business anyway. Besides, people with
low Will does not mean they will think of anything suicidal. Its a norm amongst Victims.
Seriously?
What? Am I taking up your time for staying back?
No, no
Myousuke waves in denial and looks back at his phone.

If there is no goal in life, does that make all of us sinners?

Abstract illusions start surfacing as a feminine voice starts echoing. The illusion leads to a spiral of colour, fading
into black.
What different are we from every other being? Arent we also animals?
Vague images of animals appear followed by a twinkle of stars in a black background similar to what one would
see when squinting eyes.
Is it okay to be fully manipulated by the modern world?
The scene suddenly light up into a busy street in the peak hour at night where people go home appear. A
shadow is seen high above a rusted skyscraper amongst all of the many colourful and vibrant-appearing skyscrapers.
It is as if
A scene surfaces on top of an abandoned building, staring into the school and cranes in the background.
Darkness suddenly envelopes as hands attempt to stretch out and a shadow is seen falling towards the scenery.
as if being alive was being in the perfect trap.
Woah!
Myousuke wakes up abruptly to his alarm clock, as he stretches to his side table to switch it off.

Life sucks.
Why do you say so, Sora-chan?
Myousuke answers to the girl who just blurts out anything whilst staring out of the window.
But I guess if your life sucks, then you just have to suck it up. Because you have to suck it up in your life that
sucks.
Sora lets out a dry laugh.
But not everything in life is perfect, right?
It is because it is not that makes it suck. Or else I wont be whining about it now.
You sound so pessimistic, Sora-chan. Dont you once have a good life when you were a kid?
Probably so, when life isnt as harsh on me and life isnt as hard to live by. But now there isnt anyone who will
give a damn about me now, apart from you.
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Me?
Sora places a stack of papers on Myousukes desk and passes him a piece of paper. She packs up hastily and
leaves for the corridor.
Thanks for your assignment. Sorry for letting you listen to me.
Anything to make you happier.
Myousuke smiles back at Sora only to see her shadow fade into the corridor.

Sora!
A beam of sunlight shines through the untidy, dark room. At the end of the room where the light shines on is
Sora, who covers herself completely on her bed except for a pair of eyes which just happen to be open. The pair of eyes
open wide upon a loud knock from her bedroom door. She looks at the light from her phone beside her bed against the
sunlight.
What are you doing in your room? Have you finished your work or not?
She looks at her phone and presses a button. She throws it away and it lands on the pile of clothes beside her
desk. She quickly closes her eyes as she flips her blanket around to face the wall.
As the hours pass, the sun sets from the window facing Soras room as it gets darker.
Sora! Have you taken your shower?
Loud bumps can be heard again as she flips herself around to look out of the window. The sun is barely within
sight in the purple background of twilight. She throws her blankets aside and grabs her underwear from a nearby drawer.
She storms for the door, unlocks it and opens it outwards, almost hitting her mother.
Sor-
Sora looks around the empty, lit house in the evening shade. She asks her mother in a dull tone.
Wheres Dad.
Hes not back yet. Dinner is done already. Im going out later, so just-
A door slams loud in front of her mother as she enters the bathroom. Minutes later she walks out of the
bathroom to see no one in the house.
After dinner, Sora sits in front of the television. Her father walks into the room with a head of wet hair and looks
at the television.
What the hell is wrong with you? You like to watch a black screen on the TV?
He pressed a button on the remote and a random channel pops up. He grabs a newspaper from the coffee table
in front of him as he takes his seat and throws it at her daughter. She immediately flings it away and it lands on the
carpet.
Get that away from me. I dont want to know about the silly and preposterous events in life.
Later that night, she takes out a notebook from the drawer under her study desk and with a pen nearby, flips to
a blank page and starts scribbling on it.
We are all puppets.
People who wake up themselves naturally know they aren't and also are those who are not being manipulated by anyone.
I am going to be one of them. Good night.
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Sora looks at the clock which shows to be 8pm. She turns off the lights and snuggles herself into the messy bed.

Eh youre on my seat.
A group of male classmates stop on their chatter as they see a female classmate appear beside them.
Hey! That is my seat! Can you just scram?
The boy leaves her seat and looks down at her.
And what if we dont scram? Hah?
Hey the teachers here!
The boys quickly shuffle back to their seat as the whole class moves back to position and Myousuke returns from
Shinjis desk. Myousuke hears her mutter as Sora sits down at her seat in fury, dusting off the seat.
Hmph, agony is when you are angry at someone but you cannot express it. Or when you do express it all you
get in return is anger.
Are you okay, Sora-chan?
Do I look okay to you?
Myousuke is lost for words. He musters his courage to continue the conversation.
Come on, I dont want to make things sour between us. Besides, were on cleaning duty after school today.
Sora turns her head from the window to the blackboard in front of the class and sees a love umbrella
intentionally drawn above their names written side by side vertically.
Dont tell me you drew that.
Myousuke looks at where Sora is looking towards and shifts himself slightly to not be blocked by the teachers
table.
Ah! Who the hell...
Haha Myousuke is so ignorant
I bet its one of the guys in class again
The girls around him start whispering to each other upon seeing what the couple has seen.
Shameless.
No I didnt do that!
class.

Sora does not reply. Myousuke takes a sigh and faces the front of the classroom as the teacher prepares for
After school, Myousuke and Sora are seen cleaning the blackboard.
Is this true? I know Im not. Im not sure about you though.

Myousuke lets out a dry laugh, snatches over the duster and quickly erases the names and the drawing. He then
passes it back to Sora and takes the other duster from the other side of the blackboard.
No wonder everyone is your friend.
Why do you say so?
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You seem to love to help anyone.

Well, not everyone. I have people I dislike too.
Then you are like me.
Really?
They both continue to clean the blackboard and arrange the tables. As they move close to each other, Sora
shows a slight blush as she looks away into the skyline. A song of hope sounds throughout the PA system throughout the
school to signal the closing of the school premises.
Hope Can we even see it in the next daylight?
Of course we will, as long as we have the desire to wake up to tomorrow.
Not unless you havent finished your homework.
What? You havent finished it yet?
Sora stays silent and Myousuke places his duster down.
Why not we do it now? I can finish my homework for today too.
She pauses in her actions and returns to her seat. Myousuke follows suit.
As the sun sets down, the orange tint illuminates the classroom, with Myousuke sitting opposite Sora on her desk.
He puts down his pen and takes a stretch.
Great, Im done. Now I dont need to do my homework when I get home.
Myousuke sees her looking down, packing up her textbook and assignment into her bag. He then stretches his
arms and looks at Soras completed assignment.
You are done too? Now we can sleep well tonight.
Sora looks at Myousuke with a gloomy look, speaking in a soft voice.
Can I still ask you a favour?
Sure! If you still have questions you can ask anytime.
Sora glances on Myousukes smile.
Hey I got an idea. How about we exchange mail addresses? We can chat about anything, even if it is not
related to school. Im a good listener. I can also be a great reader, if you prefer texting. Here.
Myousuke takes out his phone and passes it to her. She takes the phone over, types hurriedly with a blush on
her face and returns it to its owner. She then grabs her school bag and zigzags through the desks, out into the corridor.
As he hears her steps getting faint, he ponders on the situation before looking at his phone.
Come and find me at the place where I stare towards as the sun sets in school at 8pm
tomorrow.
As he makes his way home, he passes by his usual route in the evening and witnesses as the lampposts in the
alley light up. One of them slightly flashes and Myousuke recalls the days where there is this girl who suddenly appeared
in front of him out of nowhere one fine day after school. Suddenly his phone beeps and he takes it out.
But she really looks like she has suicidal thoughts. She is so pessimistic about everything.
Im afraid something might happen to her over the weekend.
====================================
I wont be back yet until the end of the month. Just dont do anything rash.
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He looks at his phone with a serious look and sends back a reply.
Never mind. She has asked to see me to talk things out. Ill monitor her until you return.

One More Day

I wonder why I am still alive, wasting resources and money. Everyone should not even bother to waste any energy on
me. Im better off buried than making a fool of myself and everyone else around me. When everyone around me including
myself feel bad about myself, I dont feel bad at all. Because its worse to not experience something bad. Its scary to not
know that. That there shouldnt be anything that one should not be afraid of.
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of dying. But I'm even more afraid of living my life as a sin because I dont feel like doing anything in
life.
Probably the last time Im writing. Hopefully this will serve its purpose once I choose my way out.
As she signs off, she presses hard on the paper and snaps the tip of the lead on her pencil.

As the sun sets on another day, Myousuke bids a friend goodbye at a bus stop near his house before he turns
back to the direction from which he passed by.
Now, to settle dinner.
Moments later, Myousuke walks out of a convenience store, rummaging through his bag of food and snacks.
I guess this will do for tonight.
He looks across the road to see a family restaurant opposite to the store.
Sora-chan?
He sees a familiar figure in a red tracksuit creep close to the entrance of a family restaurant. She enters, and
before he could even blink she picks up a receipt lying on the doorstep and dashes out of the area down the path. He
decides to chase after her, but he sees no nearby traffic junctions and bridges on the road with more cars than tarmac to
occupy them.
I must be hallucinating. Oh well.
He tries to cover his ears upon hearing the horns sounding through the street as he quickly leaves the main road.
"I'm back."
A slender figure walks past the corridor.
"Hey your mother is not at home to cook. Have you eaten your dinner-"
A hand emerges from the darkness into the brightly lit living room. A piece of paper can be seen drifting through
the still air, hitting right on the surface of the newspaper the father was reading, landing on his lap. He looks back out the
corridor to see the door to his daughter's room shut behind him.
Sora closes the door behind her and turns on the lights. She places her bag down on her desk and holds on to a
book. Her eyebrows dip in and she walks to place it in her bookshelf. She walks past the bookshelf of psychological books
and faces her wardrobe. She opens it to reveal a whole shelf of black and white clothing. She looks to her right where a
pure white one-piece dress hangs alone at the side.

I noticed that I hate this world

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So much so that I cannot bear to look at it

I noticed that I despise the world
So much so that there is nothing in this world that I like
I noticed that I am angry at this world
So much so that I must leave in order to be happy
Soras face appears in front of Myousukes dream. She gives a smile to him as he sees her in a white dress. She
turns around and steps over the ledge of a building, with the ground below her. She takes a step into the bright
streetlights ahead.
Right now.
NO!
The alarm on Myousukes phone beeps at the 8pm mark. Myousuke suddenly stands up whilst dozing off on his
desk in his dark room. He quickly turns on the lights.
Wait, isnt it tonight?
He takes out his deck of Cards and draws out three Cards on his desk. The third one he drew gave him a shock.
As he sneaks out of the front door and dashes out of the house, he recalls what he has dreamt and experienced
with over the past few days with his classmate, looking towards the city in the distance.
Sora-chan!

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