1/29/2015

'WeHaveNoChoice':OneWoman'sOrdealwithTexas'NewSonogramLawTheTexasObserver

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We Have No Choice': One Womans Ordeal with Texas

New Sonogram Law
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ThepainfuldecisiontoterminateapregnancyisnowthankstoTexas'harshnewlawjustthe
beginningofthetorment.
byCarolynJonesPublishedonThursday,March15,2012,at8:03CST

JedObrayPhotography

Halfwaythroughmypregnancy,Ilearnedthatmybabywasill.Profoundlyso.Mydoctorgaveusthenewskindly,butstill,
myhusbandandIwerentprepared.Justafewminutesearlier,wedbeensmilinggiddilyatfellowexpectantparentsas
wewaitedforthedoctortoseeus.Inasonographyroomsmellingfaintlyoflemongrass,Idjusthadgelrubbedonmy
stomach,justseenblotsonthescreenbecometinyhands.Forabrief,exultantmoment,wedseenoursonabrother
forour2yearoldgirl.
Yetnowmydoctorwaslookinggrimand,withchairpulledclose,wasspeakingofalarmingthings.Imworriedaboutyour
babysheadshape,shesaid.Iwantyoutoseeaspecialistnow.
Myhusbandlookedangry,andmaybeIdidtoo,butitwasastonishmentmorethananger.Ourswasaprofounddisbelief
thatsomethingsobadmighthappentopeoplewhothinkthemselvescharmed.Wealreadyhadonehealthychildand
hadexpectedgoodfortunetogiveustwo.
Instead,beforeIdevenknownIwaspregnant,amolecularflawhaddeterminedthatoursonsbrain,spineandlegs
wouldntdevelopcorrectly.Ifheweretomakeittotermsomethingourdoctorcouldntguaranteehedneedalifetime

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'WeHaveNoChoice':OneWoman'sOrdealwithTexas'NewSonogramLawTheTexasObserver

ofmedicalcare.Fromthemomenthewasborn,mydoctortoldus,oursonwouldsuffergreatly.
So,softly,haltingly,myhusbandaskedabouttermination.Thedoctorshotmeaglancethatsaid:Areyouokaytohear
thisnow?Inodded,clenchedmyfistsandfocusedonthecowboybootsbeneathherscrubs.
Shestartedwithanapology,sayingthatdespitebeingresponsibleforbothmybabyscareandmyown,shecouldnttake
ustothefinalstop.ThehospitalwithwhichshesaffiliatedisCatholicanddoesntallowabortion.Itfeltlikeaphysicalblow
tohearthatword,abortion,inthecontextofourmuchwantedchild.Abortionisatopicthatneverseemedrelevanttome
itwassomethingwereadaboutinthenewsortalkedaboutpoliticallyitalwaysremainedatasafedistance.Yetnowits
uglyfistwashammeringonmychest.
Mydoctorwentontotellusthat,justtwoweeksprior,anewTexaslawhadcomeintoeffectrequiringthatwomenwaitan
extra24hoursbeforehavingtheprocedure.Moreover,Austinhasonlyoneclinicprovidingsecondtrimester
terminations,andthatclinicmighthavealongwait.Timeisnotonyourside,mydoctoremphasizedgently.Forthis
reason,sheurgedustoseekaspecialistssecondopinionthemomentweleftheroffice.Theyrereadyforyou,she
said,beforeusheringusoutthebackdoortoshieldusfromthesmilingpatientsinthewaitingroom.
Thespecialistconfirmedwhatourdoctorhadfearedandsketchedafewdiagramstoexplain.Hehastilydrewcells
growingaskew,quickpenstrokestoshowwhenandwherelifebecomesblighted.Howsimple,Ithought,tojustundraw
thoselinesandrestoremychildtowholeness.Butthisbusinesslikemanwasnomagician,andourbleakchoicesstilllay
ahead.
Nextageneticcounselorexplainedouroptionsandtoldushowabortionswork.Therewasthatwordagain,andhow
jarringandoutofplaceitsounded.Werentwethosepracticaltypeswhogotmarriedintheir30s,boughtahouse,
rescuedadog,then,withsensibletiming,hadonechildfollowedbyanother?Werentwesopredictablethatfriends
forecastourmilestonesonFacebook?Suddenlysomethingwaswrongwithourstory,becausesomethingwaswrong
withourson.Somethingsowrongthatanychoicewemadewouldunyokeusforeverfromourordinarylife.
Ouroptionsweregrim.Welearnedthatwecouldbringourbabyintotheworld,thenworkhardtopalliatehispain,orwe
couldalleviatethatpainbychoosingtointerruptmypregnancy.Thesurgicalprocedureourcounselordescribedwas
horrific,butthensoseemedoursonsprospectsinlife.Inthosedarkmomentswehadtomakeachoice,sowepicked
theonethatseemedslightlylesscruel.Beforethatmoment,Idneverknownhowviscerallyonemightfeeldread.
Thatafternoon,myhusbandandIdrovethroughaspaghettiofhighways,oneofwhichledustoanondescriptbuilding
betweenaWendysandaBrakeCheck.ThiswasPlannedParenthoodssurgicalcenter,partoftheorganization
constantlyinthenewsthankstoAmericaspolarizingculturaldebates.Onthatveryday,PlannedParenthoodsnamewas
onthecoverofnewspapersbecauseofafundingcontroversywiththeSusanG.KomenFoundation.Theseclinics,and
thecontroversialservicestheyprovide,arealwaysunderscrutiny.Thesecuritycameras,thedoubledoorsandthe
restrictedwalkwaysassuredusofthatfact.
Whilemyhusbandfilledoutthepaperwork,Isatonahardchairinthespartanreceptionareaandobservedmyfellow
patients.Iwastheoldestwomaninthewaitingroom,aswellastheonlyonewhowasvisiblypregnant.Theotherpatients
eithersatwiththeirmothersor,enigmatically,alone.Togetherwesolemnlymarkedtime,waitingforourturnbehindthe
doors.
Eventuallywewerecalledback,nottoaconsultingroom,buttoanotherholdingarea.There,thestaffaskedmyhusband
towaitwhileacounselorspoketomeinprivate.Myhusbandsatdown.Postersabovehimwarnedwomenaboutsignsof
domesticabuse.
Meanwhile,Iwasenclosedwithacheerfullookingcounselorwhohadcoloredhairandapiercinginhernose.Feelinglike
someonewhodstumbledintothewrongroom,Itoldherbetweenchokedsobshowwedarrivedathercliniconthe
highway.
Iamsosorry,theyoungwomansaidwithcompassion,andnudgedthetissuescloser.Then,afteramomentspause,
shetoldmereluctantlyaboutthenewTexassonogramlawthathadjustcomeintoeffect.Idalreadyheardaboutit.The
lawpassedlastspringbuthadbeensuppressedbylegalinjunctionuntiltwoweeksearlier.
Mycounselorsaidthatthelawrequiredmetohaveanotherultrasoundthatday,andthatIwaslegallyobligatedtoheara
doctordescribemybaby.Idthenhavetowait24hoursbeforecomingbackfortheprocedure.ShesaidthatIcould
eitherseethesonogramorlistentothebabysheartbeat,addingweaklythatthischoicewasmine.
Idontwanttohavetodothisatall,Itoldher.Imdoingthistopreventmybabyssuffering.Idontwantanother
sonogramwhenIvealreadyhadtwotoday.IdontwanttohearadescriptionofthelifeImabouttoend.Please,Isaid,
Icanttakeanymorepain.IconfessthatIdontknowwhyIsaidthat.Iknewitwasfaitaccompli.Thecounselorcould
nomorechangethegovernmentrequirementthanIcould.Yetherewasasuperfluouslayeroftormentpileduponan
alreadyhorrificday,andIwantedthiswomantoknowit.
Wehavenochoicebuttocomplywiththelaw,shesaid,addingthattheserequirementswerenotwhatPlanned
Parenthoodwouldchoose.Then,withawarmththatbeliedthematerialsinherhand,shetookmethroughtherules.
First,shetoldmeaboutmyrightsregardingchildsupportandadoption.Thenshegavemeinformationaboutthestate
inspectionoftheclinic.SheofferedmeapamphletcalledAWomansRighttoKnow,sayingthatitdescribedmybabys
developmentaswellashowtheabortionprocedureworks.Shegavemealistofagenciesthatofferfreesonograms,and

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which,bylaw,havenoaffiliationwithabortionproviders.Finally,afterhavingmesignreamsofpaper,sheledmetothe
doctorwhodperformthesonography,andlaterthetermination.
Thedoctorandnursewereprofessionalandkind,anditwasclearthattheyunderstoodoursorrow.Theytooapologized
forwhattheyhadtodonext.Forthethirdtimethatday,Iexposedmystomachtoanultrasoundmachine,andwesaw
imagesofoursickchildforminginblurredoutlinesonthescreen.
ImsosorrythatIhavetodothis,thedoctortoldus,butifIdont,Icanlosemylicense.Beforehecouldevenstartto
describeourbaby,IbegantosobuntilIcouldbarelybreathe.Somewhere,anursecrankedupthevolumeonaradio,
allowingtheinanepronouncementsofaDJtodullthedoctorsvoice.Still,despitethenoise,Iheardhim.Hisunwelcome
wordsechoedoffsterilewallswhileI,trappedonabed,myfeetinstirrups,twistedawayfromhisvoice.
HereIseeawelldevelopeddiaphragmandhereIseefourhealthychambersoftheheart
Iclosedmyeyesandwaitedforittoend,asonewaitsforthecartostoprollingattheendofaterribleaccident.
Whenthedescriptionwasfinallyover,thedoctorheldupascriptandsaidhewaslegallyobligedtoreadmeinformation
providedbythestate.Itwasaboutthehealthdangersofhavinganabortion,therisksofinfectionorhemorrhage,the
potentialforinfertilityandmyincreasedchanceofgettingbreastcancer.Iwasremindedthatmedicalbenefitsmaybe
availableformymaternitycareandthatthebabysfatherwasliabletoprovidesupport,whetherhedagreedtopayfor
theabortionornot.
Abortion.Abortion.Abortion.Thatuglyword,topepperthatuglystatement,toembodythefutilityofallwedjustendured.
Futilebecausewedalreadymadeourheartbreakingdecisionaboutourchild,andnoincursionintoourprivateworld
couldchangeit.
Finally,mydoctorfoldedthepaperandputitaway:Whenyoucomebackin24hours,thelegalsideisover.Thenwell
careforyouandgiveyoutheinformationyouneedinthewaywethinkisright.
Adaylater,wereturnedtotheclinicforthesurgerythathadussayinggoodbyetoourson.Ontopoftheirmedicalduties,
thenursesalsoheldmyhandandwipedmyeyesandletmecrylikeachildintheirarms.
Later,inreviewingthestatemandatedpaperworkIdsigned,Ifoundastatementaboutwomenwhomayoptoutofthe
newsonogramedict.Itseemedthatminors,victimsofrapeorincest,andcasesinwhichthebabyhasanirreversible
abnormalitymightbesparedtheextraanguish.IaskedthePlannedParenthoodstaffaboutthisand,afterconferring
privately,theythoughtthatmychildsconditionmighthaveexemptedmefromthenewsonogramrules.Theyapologized
fortheiruncertainty,explainingthatthelawwassonewtheydnothadachancetounderstandwhatitmeansinpractice.
CouldIhaveskippedthe24hourwait,too?Iasked,wonderingwhetherthatextradayofdistressmighthavebeen
avoided.No,astafferreplied,themandatorywaitappliestoeveryone.
Afewweekslater,Idecidedtoclarifythisformyself.IaskedtheDepartmentofStateHealthServices,theagency
responsibleforimplementingthesonogramlaw,whoexactlyisexempt.Thedepartmentrespondedbyemail:Awoman
wouldstillbesubjecttothesonogrambutwouldnotberequiredtohearanexplanationofthesonogramimagesifshe
certifiesinwritingthatherfetushasanirreversiblemedicalconditionasidentifiedbyareliablediagnosticprocedureand
documentedinhermedicalfile.Basedonthisreply,itseemsthatthetorturousdescriptionIdbornewasjustaclerical
mistake.
However,inlookingthroughthepaperworkIsignedforPlannedParenthood,InoticedthattheDepartmentofState
HealthServiceshadissuedtechnicalguidelinesfourdaysafterIdbeenattheclinic.Soforthreeweeks,abortion
providersinTexashadbeenrequiredtofollowthesonogramlawbuthadnotbeengivenanyofficialinstructionsonhow
toimplementit.Again,Iaskedtheagencyaboutthis,andaspokesmanrepliedasfollows:Nospecificguidancewas
issuedduringthattime,butclinicswerewelcometoaskquestionsorseekguidancefromtheirlegalcounseliftherewere
concerns.
Myexperience,itseems,wasabyproductofcomplexlawsbeingthrownintothetangledworldofabortionpolitics.IfId
beentheretwoweeksearlierorevenaweeklater,Imighthaveavoidedthefullbruntofthisnewlawseffect.Butnotso
forthoseotheryoungwomenIsawinPlannedParenthoodswaitingroom.Unlesstheyfallintooneofthoseexemption
categoriestheconditionsunderwhichthestatehasdeemedthatsomewomensreasonsforhavinganabortionare
morallyacceptablethentheyllhavepoliticiansmusclinginontheirprivatedecisions.Butwhatgoodistheviewof
someonewhohasneverhadtomakeyourterriblechoice?Whatgoodisalawthataddsonlypainanddifficultyto
perhapsthemostpainfulanddifficultdecisionawomancanmake?Shouldntwomenhavearighttoprotectthemselves
fromstrangersopinionsontheirmostpersonalmatters?Shouldntwehavetherightnottoknow?
CarolynJonesisafreelancewriterbasedinAustin.Readmoreofherworkatwww.carolynjoneswrites.com.
Tags:CollateralDamage,texassonogramlaw,women'shealth

CarolynJonesisafreelancewriterbasedinAustin.Readmoreofherworkatcarolynjoneswrites.com.

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