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Grace Chang
Dr. Haas
Writing 37
30 January 2015
Elephants and Ivory
Elephants are the worlds largest terrestrial animals. These magnificent
animals are murdered every day by a minute creature compared to an
elephant but are considered as one of the most dangerous predators
humans. Although United Nations Convention on International Trade in
Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora (CITES) banned the ivory trade
in 1989, poaching African elephants and trading ivory quickly returned to
their out of- control situations (Blood Ivory). Many sources and experts such
as the WWF, Last Days of Ivory, and the Elephant Action League utilizes
rhetorical appeals of ethos, pathos and logos in order to inform the public of
the current and possibly the future conditions of the African Elephants.
<<this is more like a thesis for the rhetorical analysis (the next essay)your
controlling idea here needs to be more about what they say and how they
agree or disagreeand if they agree, how they may approach the topic from
different perspectives
In 1979, 1.3 million African elephants inhabited<<wrong idiomatic use
of word in this context.. you could say inhabited Africa but not
inhabited all over Africa all over Africa. Merely a decade later, the elephant
population decreased to about 600,000 (Blood Ivory). At this rate, African

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elephants may become extinct from something immorally materialistic and
preventable. After CITES banned the ivory trade in 1989, there was some
decline in the illegal killings of elephants and a temporary recovery of the
population (source). Southern Africa is the stronghold for the species, but
they had a heavy impact when 64% of Central Africas elephants were
massacred in ten years (Scriber). <,confusing.. Southern Africa is the
stronghold, but it was impacted when the Central African elephants were
killed? See if you can clarify this sentence Brad Scriber, the Deputy Research
Director for National Geographic, providesd statistics of how in the last
three years<<which last 32012-2015? See if you can be more specific,
poachers slaughtered 100,000 African elephants. Furthermore, George
Wittemeyer of Colorodo State University stated that not only would the
absence of the African Elephants reduce genetic diversity, but also create
problems toward the distribution of species and its ecological role. <,what
is the source here? I dont see Wittemeyer in the Works Cited<< Elephants
may appear insignificant to the human population, but it is a part of Africas
culture and life.<<this could be stronger if more specific--- Elephants may
seem insignificant to most Americans, who have only ever seen pictures or
perhaps an elephant in a zoo, but according to <<give creds>>Scribner,
these mammal are an important.. They help balance the other species by
opening up forest landdigging to crate water access for other animals, and
leaving nutrients in their wake (Scriber).<<you need to put him in the
sentence because its a lit review The disappearance of the African Elephants

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may bring unknown, horrible results not only for Africa, but also for the entire
world. The United States<<the congress? appalled by the criminal acts,
issued a ban on commercial trade on ivory.<,when? On the contraryHowever,
there are still, the illegal killing of elephants and trading of ivory is happening
in the world. <<<in Africa? Work on revising to make more specific and to
give the authorities credibility, make them part of the sentences
Last Days of Ivory, an organization promoting the end of ivory-funded
terrorism, created a film called Last Days directed by Hollywood director
Kathryn Bigelow to exhibit how the ivory trade business funds terrorists
groups. The film illustrated the African terrorist groups such as the AlShabaa, Joseph Konys Lords Resistance Army, Boko Haram and Janjaweed
disguise attacks by illegally trading ivory. The Elephant Action League
investigated the Al-Shabaab for 18 months I 2011 and learned that they
acquire about $200,000-$600,000 a month from tusks (Poe). Terrorist groups
spend their finances on weapons, such as, AK-47 machine guns and bow and
arrows with poison to kill the rangers protecting the elephants. As long as the
ivory trade continues, the terrorist groups will only gain more money and
power to control the misfortune of Africa. The Ivory trade is merely a domino
effect to something bigger. The more they trade ivory, the more money they
earn, which is equivalent to power and authority in many countries in Africa.
On the other hand, there are claims that the link between illegal ivory
funding a terrorist group may be false. Tristan McConell, GlobalPostss senior
correspondent<<correspondent for what? A news channel? A magazine? for

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Africa, and other experts<<what other experts? specifics reanalyzed the AlShabaabs attack on Nairobis Westgate shopping mall. Sources suggests
that ten tusks alone would ho have been enough to fund their operation.
<<is this what McConnel says? How is it a claim that the link between
terrorists/ivory is false? You need to make that clearer Nevertheless, the EAL
described that the Al-Shabaab earns up to 40 percent of its income from
poaching and illegally trading ivory, but one to three tons of ivory attained
them about $200,000-$600,000. McConell implies that many of the
connection s between ivory trading and terrorist groups orginated from the
Elephant Action League. He denotes, and claims that by shifting the
attention to terrorist groups will not stop the ivory trade, but alter the focus
to a different a issue. <<<I think this should go up to where I was
questioning what he said and make sure you put in a ( )
African Elephants are struggling daily to live another day, but that will
only happen if people are aware of the situation of the elephants in Africa.
Optimistically, elephants are vast in size for a reason. Zoologist, Iain
Douglas-Hamilton, describes elephants an amazingly resilient creatures.
<<MLA Citation Regardless of the fact that they reside in home where they
are hunted everyday, these elephants are still able to manage a community.
Therefore, Douglas-Hamilton calls this situation a crisi but not yet a
catastrophe (Schiffman).

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Good start, Gracethere are ways that you can make this much stronger--first, you need more specifics, so add them wherever you can; second, you
need to announce who is speaking in the sentences themselves and bring
attention to the fact that you are reviewing what others have written about
this, and not just writing a book report on it.

Works Cited
1. "Ban the Trade, Burn the Ivory Stop Elephant Poaching." Bloody Ivory : Stop Elephant Poaching
and Ivory Trade. Born Free Foundation, n.d. Web. 28 Jan. 2015.
2. "End Ivory-Funded Terrorism." End Ivory-Funded Terrorism. Annapurna Pictures, n.d. Web. 30 Jan.
2015.
3. Schiffman, Richard. "Ivory Poaching Funds Most War and Terrorism in Africa." Environment.
NewScientist, 14 May 2014. Web. 39 Jan. 2015.
4. Scriber, Brad. "100,000 Elephants Killed by Poachers in Just Three Years, Landmark Analysis
Finds." National Geographic. National Geographic Society, 18 Aug. 2014. Web. 29 Jan. 2015.
5. "Stop the Ivory Trade." Stop the Ivory Trade. Born Free Foundation, n.d. Web. 29 Jan. 2015.
6. "Threats to African Elephants." WWF -. N.p., n.d. Web. 29 Jan. 2015.

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