RESTORING CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN MATTHEW 18:15-22

Icebreaker:

Usingaballcoveredwithdifferenttopicsrangingfromyourfavoritefoodtoifyougotstuck
onanislandandyoucouldonlybringonefamouspersonwhowoulditbe?,havethe
students/leadersformacircleandtosstheballtoastudent.Whichevertopicisclosesttothe
catchers
right

thumb
,thestudentwilltrytoanswerit!Afterthestudenthasanswered,repeat
processoverthecourseofabout10minutes.

Worshipsongopener:

HowtoSaveaLifeTheFray
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk

Openinggame

TelephonegameHavestudentslineupinonelarge,continuousline.Startingwiththestudent
ontheveryleftendgiveaslipofpapercontainingasentenceandhavethestudenthandthe
paperbackafterreadingit.Thatsamestudentthenturnsandwhispersthesentenceintothe
partnersear.Repeatuntilithasbeenpassedtoendofline.Havethelastpersonannouncewhat
theythinkiscorrect.*

*Besuretonotehowitssoeasyforeventhesimplestpiecesofinformationtobemisunderstood
orbecomejustplainnonsense.

RESTORING CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN MATTHEW 18:15-22
Lesson
:

Introduction:

Goodevening!TonightaswearegatheredtogethertoworshipandfellowshipwithoneanotherI
wanttotellyouastory.WhenIwasinhighschoolIhadafriendnamedMatt.MattandIwentto
churchandschooltogetherhimbeingayearyoungerthanmeaswell.WellonetimeIhadlet
himborrowoneofmyXboxcontrollers.WhenIgotitbackfromhim(hehadleftitonmyporch
formewhileIwasworkingonenight),therewerebitemarksalloveroneofthejoysticksand
aroundtheplasticcasing.Icalledhimaboutit,andhehadnoideawhatIwastalkingabout!SoI
broughtitoverandshowedhimthedamage.Hepromisedhedidntbreakit,butIwassurehe
justdidntwanttopayforanewcontroller.Igotsuperupsetandyelledathim.Istormedoutand
wenthome.Now,whatIdidntknowandwhatMattdidntknowwasthatafterheleftitonmy
porch,MYdoghadchewedonit!Mymomgotitawayfromhimandbroughtitinsidebutfailed
tomentionwhatmydoghaddone.SoItoldheraboutMatthaddonetomycontroller,andshe
toldmetherealstory.Ifeltlikeacompletejerk.IcalledMattupandapologizedforyellingand
gettingupset.Yousee,sometimeswedonthandleproblemsandsituationsthebestway.
TonightwearegoingtotakealookintowhatJesusprescribesasthebestwaytohandle
problemsastheyarisewithourbrothersandsistersinChrist.Letsprayandbeginworshipping
witheachother.

Step1:Gototheminprivate

Matthew18:15givesusthefirststepinafourstepprocessonsolvingdisagreementswith
ourfriends,family,andneighbors.
ThepassagereadsIfyourbrothersins,goandshowhimhisfaultinprivateifhelistensto
you,youhavewonyourbrother.Fromthispassagewecanlearntwoveryimportanttechniques
thatareJesusApprovedinhandlingdisagreementsandproblems.

1.StepUp.Jesuscallsustobeboldandhandlesituationsonourown.Jesusdidnotsayto
sendsomeoneelse,butratherhesaysweshouldGOandshowhimhissin.Thistakescourage
andconfidencesothatyoucanlayitoutstraightwhenthetimecomes.

2.StepOutside.Thisshouldnotbeapublicmatter.Wearetohandlethesesituations
privatelyandgraciously.ThisisnotsomethingthatshouldbedoneovertheInternetorevenover
thephone.Ifyouwanttohandleaproblemcorrectlyandprivately,takingthemasidesomewhere
whetherthatisatahome,anoffice,acarride,etc.Theconversationshouldonlyfirstand
foremostconcernyouandtheotherperson.

RESTORING CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN MATTHEW 18:15-22

ThesongwesangearlierisbyabandcalledTheFray.Theywrotethissongafewyearsago,but
itstillhasimplicationsonourworldtoday.Weregoingtowatchthemusicvideoforthissong,
butIwantyoutopaycloseattentiontothelyricsandthevisualsonscreen.Understandthelink
betweenthisfirststepinMatthew18andthestoryinthissong.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjVQ36NhbMk

Sometimes,Thisstepisfirstandonlystepyouneedtotake.Ifyoutakeyourproblemtoyour
brotherdirectlyandprivatelytheywillbemorelikelytoseetheirsin.Sometimesthoughthisis
notthecase.Iftheyarestillnotseeingeyetoeyewithyouandaredeterminedtokeepsinning
againstyou,youcanmoveontothenextstep.

Step2:Bringsomeonewithyou

Matthew18:1920Again,trulyItellyou,iftwoofyouagreeonearthaboutanything
youask,itwillbedoneforyoubymyFatherinheaven.Forwheretwoorthreearegatheredin
myname,Iamthereamongthem.

Talkingtosomeoneinprivateinsomecasescanbethelaststepbecausetheperson
realizeswhattheyhavedone.Ifitgetstothepointwheretheycannotbereasonablewithyou
aboutanissueyoushouldbringinanotherpersontohelpaddresstheissue.Sometimeswe
cannotsolveproblemsonourown.Thisdoesnotmeantobringalongsomeoneasextrafire
powerforyourargument.Thegoalofconflictresolutionandreconciliationwithanotherhuman
isnottoarguewiththemaboutwhytheymayormaynotbewrong.Asstudentsthatmayhave
conflictintheirlivesthismaynotbeyourfirstreactiontoanargument.Hereareafewpointers
fordealingwiththisstepinconflict.

AVOIDsocialmedia!Donotventorsubtweetthepersonyouareangrywithforthis
willspreadmoredramaandfuelthefire.Ultimatelygettingmorepeopleinvolvedthan
needtobe
LikeIhavementionedbefore,donotbringsomeonethatwilljustbackyouupinyour
argumentandmakethingsworse.Getsomeonethatwillapproachthepersoninloveand
willhelpyoudosomethingaboutthesituation.
Thiscouldbeanumberofpeople,maybeafamilymembertheytrustreallywellthatis
awareofthesituation.Possiblyatrustedbestfriendoramentor.Theyshouldbepeople
thatareawareofthesituationwithouthearingaboutitfromanothersourcebutyouorthe
personyouaretryingtohelp.

RESTORING CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN MATTHEW 18:15-22

Astheversesays.Godwillbewithyouandyourfriendduringthemeetingwithanother
person.
DoallofthisoutofLOVE!Toloveisthegreatestcommandment.Ifyouarehonestand
lovingwiththepersontheywillopenupandseetheerrorintheirwaysunlesstheyare
lyingand/orjustverystubborn.

Ifthisstepdoesnotresolvetheconflict,wewouldthengotostepthree.

Step3:Takeittothechurch

17
Ifherefusestolistentothem,tellittothechurch.

Sofar,youcanalreadybegintoseehowthesestepsworklikeastairstepwhenthefirst
stepdoesnttakeyoutothetop,youcontinueupeachstepuntilasolutioncanbefound.Insome
conflicts,itcouldendatthefirststepofoneononeconfrontation.Perhapsitcouldendatthe
secondstepofbringingalongtwoorthreepeopletoaddsomecredibilitytothesituation.Where
thesestepsfail,thethirdstepistakingtheconflicttothechurch.

AtthispointIcanalreadythinkofsomequestionsyoumighthave.DoIhaveto
REALLYtakethistotheENTIREchurch?!Or,Whatgooddoesitdotoincludesomany
peopleinmychurchwhentheconflictonlyaffectsmysmallgroupormyself?

Theanswertothesequestionsbeginswiththestatementthatthethirdstepisnotentirely
literalforustoday.InJesustime,theentirechurchthathewasreferencingwasnobiggerthan
40or50people,andthatwastheBIGchurchesofhistime!Today,thechurchyoubringinto
resolvetheconflictcouldbeavarietyofthingslike

Theentiregroupoffriendsandleadersclosesttothepersonbehindtheconflict
Orthefamiliesofthepeopleinvolvedintheconflictandacoupleofstudentleaders
Justtheleadershipandeldersofthechurch

Someconflictsmayescalatetothepointwhereitmayfeelliketheentirechurchneedsto
knowwhatsgoingontotryandfixtheproblem,butthefourthstepofJesusideaofhandling
conflictaddsanotsonewfeaturetothisconflictresolution...grace,understanding,and
forgiveness.

RESTORING CHRISTIAN RELATIONSHIPS

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN MATTHEW 18:15-22
Step4:Cutthemoff/out

Matthew18:17...Andifherefusestolisteneventothechurch,lethimbetoyouasaGentile
andataxcollector.

Thislaststepcanbetough,butitisforthebest.Cutoff/outmeanstotreatthemlikeyou
wouldapagan.Someonewhodoesnotknowbetter,sobasicallyyouaredroppingtheproblem.

Thisdoesnotmeanhatethem,stoptalkingtothem,andmoveon.Whatdoyoudoto
disciplesomeone?Buildarelationshipwiththem,anddonotholdthemtothestandardsofa
normalChristian.SobasicallyyouaretreatingthispersonassomeonewhoisnotaChristian.

Iftheycannotseetheerroroftheirwaysthentheyneedtobetreatedliketheydidnot
knowbetter,theydonotseewhatiswrongwithwhattheydidandtheymustrelearn.

Thiscanbetoughbecauseeitherwedontwanttoletthemgetawaywithwhattheydid,
loseanargument,ortreatthemnicelyafterwhattheydid,butitishowitneedstobe.Forgive
thisperson,thisispossiblythehardestpartofthisstep.Matthew18:21isperfectforthissince
thisisrightafterMatthew18:17

Closing:

Sothisishowwecandoourbesttoavoiddrama!Alwaysconfrontthepersonfirst,if
thatdoesntwork,bringaleaderorsomeonewisetohelpthisperson.Ifthatdidntwork,goto
severalleaders,maybeevenyoursmallgroup.Andfinally,ifthatdidntwork,forgivethemand
treatthemasanoutsider.Justlovethemunconditionally!

Closingworship:

AlwaysKristianstanfill
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZsRU63MTc

HowHeLovesDavidcrowderband
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCunuL58odQ