Reflective Essay on Revisions to MWA #1: Shes got the Whole World in her Hands

In the first sequence of English 120, I was able to explore my future career as well as
develop an understanding of and even compose a rhetorical analysis. Before receiving the
assignment, reading the material provided in Writing Today, and learning during lectures in class,
I had no concept of how to begin my rhetorical analysis or even what was included in a rhetorical
analysis. I chose to traditionally revise this assignment because I saw more potential in this
assignment than any other, because it is something that I feel so passionate about. Upon personal
revisions and feedback from my peers as well as my instructor, I did feel that my writing could
be improved. Now, I am confident that I could write a rhetorical analysis in any situation I am
faced with in the future, whether academic or career related. I particularly enjoyed this sequence
of this course because I got to dive into my own personal interests and discuss my future career
goals. Composing this assignment, especially viewing the advertisement I chose to analyze,
made me anticipate my career as a nurse so I can start making a difference in the medical world.
My rhetorical analysis was an overall success. Based on my instructors feedback, I
understand that I had a strong introduction, explanation of the rhetorical appeals, summary of the
advertisement, an in depth explanation of the rhetorical appeals pathos and logos, as well as a
strong conclusion. My peers praised my ability to summarize my advertisement with such detail
and emotion. Based on peer and instructor comments and suggestions, I decided to change a few
things. These changes vary from tiny changes like cutting or adding a word to expanding entire
paragraphs. One minute change I made was un-bolding my title of my rhetorical analysis.
Another small change I made was changing the had in the sentence [s]ince a very young age,
I had been interested in becoming a nurse to have. Thirdly, I changed the comma in the
sentence [t]he ad begins how most of our days begin, with the beeping of an alarm to a colon.

Another smaller change include changing the you in [s]he boards a bus in the dark and arrives
to work where you encounter more nurses working in the hospital to where she encounters more
nurses working in the hospital. I also made a slight change in my paragraph discussing logos
when I stated Although the appeal to logos may be intuitive it is still present in this ad
campaign. The word I was searching for in the place of intuitive was actually obscure, meaning
it wasnt as obvious as the other appeals. I also changed bachelor of science to its correct form
as Bachelors of Science in nursing. These minor changes discussed were made to improve the
spelling, grammar, or the words chosen in my rhetorical analysis. Even though I do consider
these to be small changes, I believe they clarify my writing to those who will experience it next.
The greatest revisions I made were to my paragraphs discussing the rhetorical appeal to
ethos in my advertisement. From suggestions from not only peers but my instructor, I was able to
clarify some important ideas. For example, when discussing the Australian Nursing Federation
and their aversion to the Americanized health care system, I discovered that all Australian
residents health care is paid for by the government. I discuss how this shows that this shows that
they are fighting to personally and completely care for each and every patient, which is
something that cannot be said about American health care. Also, when I mentioned that their use
of medical instruments in a professional manner added to the appeal of ethos, I was asked to
clarify this thought. The nurses were seen using potentially dangerous tools and instruments such
as needles and surgical equipment. The advertisement would not seem reliable if the nurses were
acting silly or inappropriate while using these tools near a patient. Instead, the nurses are being
very careful with these tools in order to protect not only their health but the well being of the
nearby patients.

I am very satisfied with my rhetorical analysis since I have had the opportunity to make
revisions. I have made small changes in spelling, word choice, and grammar to clarify some
things but also to increase my level of reliability in my writing. I also made larger changes in
order to expand on points while discussing ethos. This sequence taught me a lot about the
composition of a rhetorical analysis but it also showed me how much I have to look forward to in
my future career as a nurse.