W h a t Ca n Yo u Do ?

Many relationships appear to be all right

on the surface but hide battering or other
types of abuse. In order to end abuse in
relationships, it is important to admit it to
ourselves and to others who may want to
support us.
Abuse happens to many of us. You are not
alone. It is not your fault. One way to stop
violence, or the threat of violence, is to
confront it right from the start. If it happens
once, we may hope that it never happens
again and do nothing. However, abuse is
usually repeated.
It may be better to leave the relationship
for your own sake as well as his/hers. Too
often we believe that we are responsible for
keeping the relationship together and for
helping him/her with their problems.
Change takes time. He/she has to take
responsibility for their own behaviour and
then make changes in themselves.
Changing abusive behaviour does not
happen overnight and cannot happen
without the will to change.
If you are physically or sexually abused it
is important that you seek medical help
and attention.
When we are in an abusive relationship we
need to talk with someone. It helps us stop
keeping all the pain and frustration inside.
It helps us stop keeping the abuse a secret.

Resources
Interval House (24 hr):
244-0185
YWCA Emergency Shelter (24 hr):
244-2844
Salvation Army (24 hr):
242-6833
Sexual Assault Centre ( 24 hr crisis line): 244-2224
Mobile Crisis (24 hr):
933-6200
Saskatoon City Police:
975-8300

For a Friend
If you know, or think that someone is being
abused, offer your support. Dont threaten
them with losing your friendship if they
choose to stay with their partner. Leaving is
a very difficult decision. If she/he is in an
abusive relationship, they need a friend who
will give them support.
You can make it clear that they dont deserve
the abuse, while acknowledging their reasons
for staying. Being able to talk with someone
is the first step to getting out of an abusive
relationship. Leaving permanently can take
a long time. They need to regain the power
of making their own decisions.
You can tell her/him about contact resources.
The important thing is that you are able to
support them in making their own decisions.

Saskatoon Sexual Assault

& Information Centre
(SSAIC)

IT
BEGAN
JUST AFTER
WE STARTED
GOING OUT

Saskatoon Sexual Assault

& Information Centre
201-506-25th Street East
Saskatoon SK
S7K 4A7
Office: (306) 244-2294
Fax: (306) 244 6099
ssaic@sasktel.net
www.saskatoonsexualassaultcentre.com

24 hr Crisis Line: (306) 244-2294

He glared at me all night and

wouldnt talk to me because I
said no to sex.

What is Abuse?
Usually when we think of abuse, we
think of physical assault. This is when
someone is kicked, slapped, punched
and shoved.
Abuse is not just physical abuse.
There is also abuse that leaves no
marksemotional abuse. This can be
forced isolation, being stopped from
spending time with family or friends,
being put down, or being harassed
about where we have been and what
we have been doing. Another way
boyfriends/girlfriends emotionally
abuse us is through threatening us with
physical abuse. Boyfriends/girlfriends
who do these things are trying to
control us and keep us from being
independent. Each of us, as
individuals, has the right to decide for
ourselves how we want to act.
Forced sexual contact is another form
of abuse. Sometimes we are coerced
into sexual relations with guys/girls
because we are threatened with losing
them, called names or made to feel
sexually inadequate. Sometimes we are
even physically forced. It is our right
to choose when and how we want sex.
When someone ignores this right, it
amounts to sexual assault.

...actually, the physical and emotional abuse

started right after we first made love.

She told me she would change,

but the abuse kept happening.

Why Do We Stay?
Perhaps the most commonly asked question
about abuse is Why do they stay and take it?
- They dont.! Every person in an abusive
situation has tried to leave, or tried to change the
situation in some way. There are many reasons
why it is difficult to leave an abusive situation.

HopeWe want to believe that they will

change and because of this renewed hope,
we stay in the relationship. When it happens
again and again, we lose trust, self-respect
and feel all of the fear and anxiety of not
knowing when or how it will happen next.

Social Pressure to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend.

For some women, staying is less frightening than
being alone in a society that measures a womans
worth by having or not having a male partner.

Fear that our partners will follow us,

harass us or abuse us again. Fear that
people will say I told you so. Fear to be
on our own. Fear that no one will believe
us. We are afraid that we wont get any
support from family and friends and fear
that those who do believe us will say it is
our own fault.

Self-Blame We can feel it is our fault if the

relationship is not working, especially if our
partner keeps telling us this.
Isolation We feel that our boyfriend or girlfriend is the only one who loves us and the only
one we can depend on. This makes his/her
behaviour even more confusing.
Low Self-EsteemOur self-esteem slowly falls
apart as we begin to believe our partners when
they tell us that we are worthless and we may
begin to believe that we deserve the abuse.
Promises to Change When confronted with
what they have done, partners who abuse often
say they are sorry, they promise to change and
beg for a second chance.

All of these things the desire for a

boyfriend/girlfriend, isolation, lack of selfesteem, the love, the hope and the fear make
it hard to leave an abusive relationship. We
dont stay because we like being abused.
Hoping to make the relationship better, we
try to change ourselves. It takes time to
realize that our partners have to change
their own abusive behaviour and that we
cant do it for them.