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Not Waving But Drowning: Dylan Klebold and Teen Depression

Studies have shown that about one in every six high school students has considered
suicide, with one in every ten going so far as to attempt it. Suicide is the second leading cause of
death in teenagers, placed far ahead of illnesses and homicide, and surpassed only by car accidents.
Attempts to find out how and why mental illness roots itself in teenagers, as well as how it grows
into a life-threatening problem, have plagued parents and psychologists alike. In his novel
Columbine, author and journalist Dave Cullen attempts to explain the process of depression and its
escalation through one particular character Dylan Klebold, one of the perpetrators of the
Columbine High School massacre. Dylan is described as having shown signs of abnormality early
on in his life, and as high school continues for him it accelerates what Cullen refers to as his
downward spiral. Although there are many factors that allowed for the escalation of Dylans
mental problems, the most prominent were ignorance on behalf of those who could have helped
him, the ongoing loneliness and isolation Dylan suffered, and the stigmatization and taboo nature
of depression itself.
Cullen establishes early on in his expose that Dylan varied wildly from Eric in his mental
state. This is most clearly exhibited in his reactions to disappointing or angering events. Dylan is
described as having had a low ability to control his emotions. While Eric remained cool and
collected in the face of almost any challenge, Dylan was prone to loud and dramatic outbursts
when upset. His parents, as well as those of Dylans friends, both noticed the abnormality of these
reactions early on his life but the implications of them were only reached retroactively. As a child,
one mother explained, he couldnt be more adorable, until you tripped his fragile ego. It didnt

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take much (Cullen chapter 23). She also stated that she figured he would grow out of it, but he
never did (Cullen chapter 23).
Her assumption that Dylan would grow out of his issues exhibits one of the main reasons
why mental illness in teens goes undetected so easily, and for so long. It is entirely too easy for odd
thought patterns or behaviors to be written off as regular teen angst, and for the teen in question
to be thought of as going through a phase. In an article by Elizabeth Bernstein, found in the Wall
Street Journal, the ubiquity of these myths gets described thus: everyone warns parents about the
teen years the self righteous tears, slamming doors, inexplicable fashion choices, and appalling
romanceshow can parents tell if a moody teenager is normal, or is spinning out of control?
Alarming statistics are provided, stating that twenty percent of adolescents have been affected by
mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Yet, Bernstein admonishes, parents of teens are
often blind sided by a childs mental illnessthey may confuse the symptoms of an actual disorder
with more normal teen moodiness or anxiety.
Dylans ongoing struggle with depression fell squarely into that trap. His journals present
him as a young boy grappling with questions and issues many people do: pondering the existence
of God, wondering what happens to people after they die, ruminating on the perceived futility of
life, and loneliness when close friendships ended. However, these questions had more of an effect
on him than they do on most people. Describing an incident in which a friend of Eric and Dylans
began ignoring them in favor of a girl he had met, Cullen writes, Dylan took it hardEric didnt
seem to mind too much, but Dylan was a mess (chapter 33). He wrote in his journal of the
suffering he was enduring in the absence of his friend, and remarked that he wanted to murder the
girl he viewed as the catalyst for the absence. Through this experience, Dylan cemented himself as

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one who resists change and rejection, and reacts violently (either through thought or deed) when
faced with either of those things.
The desperate need for camaraderie and belonging that Dylan felt may have been a large
contributing factor in his agreement to become partners in crime with Eric. Even in their days as
up-and-coming criminals, committing petty crimes they referred to as missions, Eric is the only
one mentioned as having enjoyed the work itself. Dylan liked the camaraderie especially. He fit in
there, he had a role to play, he belonged. Butthey were not making him happy. In fact, Dylan
was miserable (Cullen chapter 29). Dylan was able to keep his depression more-or-less a secret by
keeping up a charade of happiness; this charade was achieved by invoking riskier and riskier
behaviors that led to escalating degrees of trouble. He and Eric drank underage, fought with other
students, committed mild acts of vandalism, and threw bottle rockets from the rooftop of the pizza
place they worked at. Their troublemaking reached its peak when they, while trying to steal
electronics from an unattended van, were apprehended by the police. The thirst for risk-taking, left
unimpeded, reached its eventual peak with the Columbine massacre.
Risk and trouble were not the only things Dylan searched for. Dylan understood what
God had chosen for him, Cullen informs readers. Dylan was to be a seeker: one man in search
of answers, yet never finding them, yet in hopelessness understands things.at long last, Dylan
the seeker would achieve the state he was looking for (chapter 31). The state was death, the
method by which he would achieve it, suicide. Cullen argues that suicide was consuming himhe
craved death for at least two years. The first mention comes from the first entry [in his journal]
(chapter 31). The massacre was not born of an all-consuming hatred and desire for destruction, as

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it was for Eric. For Dylan, the only thing he hated, the only thing he wanted to destroy, was
himself. The killings, then, were just a means to an end his own.
Dylan admits to his suicidal ideation in his section of the infamous Basement Tapes, the
videos the two boys recorded that followed their progression into killers. The morning of the
murders Dylan spoke into the camera to his parents, telling them he was sorry. Just know Im
going to a better place, he said. I didnt like life too muchso Im gone. Even though he didnt
like life too much, his parents were woefully uninformed of that fact. After the killings, the
Klebold parents were interviewed about their reaction to the events. His dad is quoted as saying
he was hopelesswe didnt realize it until after the end (Cullen chapter 51) while his mother
regretfully said I think he suffered horribly before he diedfor not seeing that I will never forgive
myself (Cullen chapter 51). Depression in teens is a plague that is often only identified after its
host has died. Many of the diagnoses, such as that of Dylan Klebold, are made when it is far too
late to help the suffering teenager.
Another contributing factor in the escalation of teen depression is the stigmatization
associated with the subject. Depression is a loaded term, which causes embarrassment on the
part of both its sufferers and their families. In Sue Shallenbargers article Hiding From Your
Teens Depression: Parents Struggle With How to Cope, one family (the Kimballs) is case studied
and outlined in their reaction to their sons depression and subsequent suicide attempt. Special
attention is paid to Mrs. Kimball and her attempts to cope with the situation largely via
avoidance and secrecy. Though this coping mechanism is not at all uncommon, it is harmful to
depressed teenagers and their families alike. Evidence is growing, Shellenbarger notes, that
many teens mental health problems are neglected by busy, distracted, or uninformed adults.

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Avoidance can also be attributed to the familys desire to deny anything is wrong. Shellenbarger
describes another family that had been wrenched apart by suicide. The father, Phillip Satow, lost
his son to suicide in 1998 and remorsefully claims that if he could go back, I would have taken
more time off of work, perhaps a leave of absence, to have spent more quality time with my son.
Shellenberger seems to agree with Satows ideas, claiming that the best course of action for parents
of a depressed teenager are speaking with the teen openly and honestly, resisting the urge to make
judgments, and focusing on behavioral changes above all else. A pathway of communication that is
clear of stigmatizations, disbelief, or ridicule can help to break down barriers between teenagers
and the help they need.
Dylans depression was accelerated and worsened by many factors, the most prevalent of
which were the ignorance and fear of others, his own loneliness, and the social stigmas and
misunderstandings that surround the topic of depression. Ultimately, he became another casualty
of a disorder that secretly leaches away at many lives every day. Struggling against both internal and
external factors working against him, Dylan spent much of his high school experience being swept
towards an explosive end.
Works Cited
Bernstein, Elizabeth. Worried About a Moody Teen? Mental Illness Often Starts in Adolescence;
Telling Typical Angst From Serious Problems. The Wall Street Journal. Web.

Cullen, Dave. Columbine. [Kindle file.] Print.

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Shellenbarger, Sue. Hiding From Your Teens Depression: Parents Struggle With How to Cope.
The Wall Street Journal. Web.