Understanding and

Working with Families

Rachel Thompson

Heather Kay

1) Introduction
The child I was matched with was Rein. Rein is a 15 month old boy who lives with his
Mother and Father, his birthday is September 9th. His Mother and Father only work 3 days a
week and Rein goes to daycare 4 days of the week. There is only the three of them living in
Peterborough. The Mother has extended family in Colombia so they rarely see them. The Mother
has a sister who moved to Peterborough from Toronto recently so she has her sister. They
celebrate all general holidays and mainly share chores. The Mother does a little more and cooks
but the husband does his part around the house.
My first impression of this family was that they are extremely communicative and tight
knit. Both parents came on the open house and trusted me right away with Rein. They only
lingered around was to help Rein warm up to me and the other students as he was having a bit of
attachment issues. They came across as very kind and easy going people who dealt with
problems at the moment and let things be. I asked them what their desire for Rein is for diaper
changing if they are in the other room. The mother simply told me whatever I am comfortable
with. I was very touched and in awe of her trust and relaxed nature. As I watched the adult child
relationship, I got to learn more. I noticed how Rein would hold on to her in the mornings but
she would smile at the students as they try to interest Rein. It was usually her to come to the
program and interact with the educators and students. In the parent room, she asked a question
that surprised me and it reminded me that she was simply human and as unsure as other parents.
This showed me that she is trying to figure it all out as she goes but continues to focus on staying
calm with Rein and going with the flow.

2) Definition of Family
I asked 5 family and friends the question, ' what is family? I asked if pets were family,
with or without children, blood relatives? The first answer I got back was" Family is with who
you finally feel that you belong and will never be judged, only loved". The second answer I
received was, " A good support system who loves you no matter what and is always there for
you, including people (blood relatives or not) and pets!" The third answer was, " Anyone who
makes you feel free and loved at the same time is family. There's a quote "Family has nothing to
do with blood, it is about who was willing to hold your hand when you needed it the most ".
The fourth answer I got was, " Family are the people or pets who you feel like you do not
have to hide who you truly are. Family does not have to mean by blood, it can be by choice."
The last answer meant the most to me as it was from a long time family friend, " Family is
whoever you love - blood relative or not! PS you are part of our family". To me, Family means
people you feel comfortable around, people you are willing to fight to keep in your lives, have
your best interest at heart in the end, and people that accept you for who you are, despite fighting
or disagreements. I have a few friends that I consider family and some blood relatives that I do
not. I also believe that pets can be family, as my dog is like my sister and so was the one that
passed away. Based on all that I've learned this semester from the toddler program, the text, the
class, my own experience, I created my own definition of family which was stated above.
According to the Baxter and Shimoni (2014, p.6), Statitics Canada made their official definition
of family,
" Married couple and the children, if any, of either or both spouses; a couple living common
law and the children, if any, of either or both parents; or, a lone parents of marital status with at
least one child living in the same dwelling and that child or those children ".

One theorist, Dr. Murray Bowen (2014), states that family is a system in which
each member had a role to play and rules to respect. Members of the system are expected to
respond to each other in a certain way according to their role, which is determined by
relationship agreements.
The Vanier Institute of the Family (2014), defines family as, ' any combination of two or
more people who are bound together by ties of mutual consent, birth, and/or adoption/placement,
and whom together, assume responsibilities for variant combinations of some of the following:
-physical maintenance and care of group members
-addition of new members through procreation or adoption
-socialization of children
-social control of members
-production, consumption, and distribution of goods and services
-affective nurturance- love'

3)Importance of Relationships Within the Family

I noticed with Rein and his family, they were very close and had a strong family unit. I
also got a feeling that his parents had a healthy relationship. A few point that I picked up on are
that the mother mainly does the cooking and cleaning while the father does his share of other
house hold tasks and some cleaning. I also noticed that between Rein and his father, there was
more attachment on both sides. The day that the father came instead of the mother, he spent the
day with Rein and the educator instead of going into the Parent room. On days that his mother

dropped him off, and he was officially still at an infant stage he would cry a few times when she
left. He may not have cried right away but during a moment, he would look around and realize
she is not here. Erikson states that infants have the task to develop trust with their caregiver and
when Rein would cry, he was struggling with this personal challenge of trust vs mistrust. He
would move to crying to let us know that he missed his mother. This may have happened only a
few times as he was nearing the end of his infant age.
It was clear that Rein had attachment to his mother and father, although Baxter and
Shimoni state new research is showing that children are able to have an attachment to more than
one person, which would make sense as to why each relationship in Rein's life mattered to him.
He formed a brief attachment to me for our 2 weeks, he had a strong one to his mother and
father, and I noticed at the end of the program, he had an attachment to this other
educator/student.
The relationship between the parents was very interesting, they both worked 3 days a
week and brought Rein into the Toddler Program to help his development. It was very clear to
me that that put a lot of effort into giving him the greatest life. Erikson talked about how middle
adulthood has the challenge of generativity vs stagnation. This is when parents, generally, try to
become the best they can be at parenting or their career, in hopes of having something to show
for their work. I noticed that Rein's parents were being very involved and doing all they can to
give him a good life.
The examples of importance of relationships in the family were, Rein and his emotional
dependency on his mother, focusing on his developmental stage, then his attachment to his

parents and caregivers, which is important and lastly was the relationship his parents hand and
their role change.

4) Provide an example that supports the following four goals of

Parent Involvement
1. To educate parents;
2. To provide parents with the opportunity to influence or control the
programs in which their child is involved;
3. To provide for the greatest possible continuity of care between the
home and the toddler program;
4. To empower parents.
1. Educating parents is very significant to building a relationship with the parent and can be very
effective or detrimental to progress, based on each parties acceptance. An example of parent
education can go as far back t the 1900' with day nurseries were around. Mothers would have
been informed about health and hygiene for their child. As of now, in a better and cleaner time,
educators agree that informing parents and working with them to learn is a process that does not
end. This goal is important as to help create a trusting relationship between parent and educator
but also to give the child the best care at home. Offering parents education will help raise their
confidence and give them awareness on issues that they have not learned about will help their
self image.
2. Providing parents with control of their child's programs is very important, not only for the
parents, or educator but also for the child. Parent involvement will help a child in a few ways,
help improve their grades, their self esteem, finishing their homework and more positive about
school (Fuller, 2010) Parents need to be involved in the programs their children are in, even if it
regarding the policies, that will still have an impact on the child's well being. It is important that
the parents are involved in the decision making process and daily activity as it will push the

adults to have discussions with the child of what they learned, their view on the school will
improve and create a stronger bond between adult and school, and to understand their child's
development, helping in punishments and how they treat their child.
3. Having a 'bridge' between the home and the centre is futile to a child's development. This is
an idea that is centered around having a continuity and communication between the home and
childcare centre. This connection does not have to be a huge deal, but can be as small as the
educators knowing what the status is at the child's home so they are able to help the child make
sense of anything they are having trouble with. Having a good communication between the
home and the centre will assist that child in the transition between these two places that have
such an impact on their life. The easier the transition, the more comfortable they will be and then
they will be able to fully help the child learn the basics and help through their development.
4. To empower parents simply refers to helping families take control of their circumstance and
letting their children be taken advantage of. In the child care setting, there are a few parts of it,
which are, understanding the families commitment to the well being of their child, helping
children and families show their full capabilities, bringing mutuality into the environment,
validating the children and parents and giving them respect. Overall, working with families is
about collaboration and becoming a team with the child's best interest at heart.

Reflection

Has your opinion of the importance of relationship-building with parents changed

after working with your selected family? What have you learned from the
experience?
Based on your experiences with the toddler program and your research what
characteristics do you feel a successful parent education program should have?
Explain

As you have been learning in class, you can not truly know the child until you
know and understand the childs family. From participating in the Toddler
Program you had limited contact with the family of these children. Please reflect
on (a) how this program has or has not worked for you in helping you to
understand the child you are working with and (b) what could be changed in
order for you to have make a stronger connection with the families of the
children.

1. To know a family, an educator could talk to the family and ask them about their day to start.
An educator can find a great deal about the family but asking the child or the family about their
weekend, especially as a start. If you simply show an interest in the family's life, they will start to
tell you more and see you as someone they can talk to about their issues and go to for advice on
their child or family.
2. It is very important to collaborate with families to a bridge is built between family and child
care. The child care team and family both have their goals with that child and if the child is being
pushed in different directions to reach different goals, it could be very stressful and detrimental
to that child. The child will also trust the childcare team more if they see that their parents have a
good relationship and trust their educators.
3. My view on the building a relationship with the parent has only gotten stronger. The parents
know the most about their child by far and have the most to tell me about the child. My
relationship with them will also affect how the child sees me and if they will listen to me or not.

Reference
Baxter, J. & Shimoni, R. (2014). Working with Families. Toronto, ON: Pearson
Fuller, O. (2010). The Benefits of Parent Involvement: What Research Has to
Say. Education. Retrieved from
http://www.education.com/reference/article/benefits-parent-involvementresearch/
Vanier Institute of the Family. (2014). Definition of Family - Vanier Institute of the Family.
Retrieved from http://www.vanierinstitute.ca/definition_of_family#.VHv3HsnLh5V
(2014). Family Systems Theory. GenoPro Retrieved from
http://www.genopro.com/genogram/family-systems-theory/