Megan Horne

Marcia Flocken
Phycology 1010
April 2015
Finding Fish: A human development analysis on the novel
The book Finding Fish by Antwone Fisher was an inspiring and heartbreaking account
of Fisher trying to find himself while he endures many hardships. Many of the hardships he
faced directly correlate with what we have learned this semester in human development.
Although it could be hard to read at some points, reading about Fishers experiences and personal
thoughts has definitely helped me to further understand course concepts such as: abuse, racism,
social class, and the negative effects they have on self-esteem, and relationships.
Abuse was constant in the Picketts house. The only feelings Mrs. Pickett showed
Antwone Fisher, Dwight, and Flo was anger and resentment. Instead of teaching these children to
love she taught them to fear. Abuse causes a child to suffer physiologically, academically, and
socially. (Berger, 2010, p.192; Manly et al., 2001; Scannapeico & Connell-Carrick, 2005) This
abuse strongly impacted Fisher throughout his life.
The next thing I remember was being in my bedroom naked, tied by my arms to the end
of the cot, and she was whipping me with a switch this was the day Mrs. Pickett would
brag about for years to come; the day when I was eight years old that she beat me unconscious.
(Fisher, 2001, p.80) Not only was Mrs. Pickett physically abusive she was verbally abusive and
constantly degrading them. Mrs. Pickett would tell everyone how horrible and nasty these
children were that she so graciously took in. The way Mrs. Pickett treated Fisher had a huge
impact on his self-esteem and his feeling of self-worth. Fisher struggled with having

conversations with others and sharing his thoughts. I believe this to be because he felt he didnt
matter, no one would listen to him, and expressing his thoughts might bring him physical pain.
Mrs. Pickett gave him the belief that the self in fundamentally flawed because she failed to
encourage and confirm his self-esteem by being routinely critical of him. (Berger, 2010,
p.198; Reese et al., 2007; Harter, 2006, p.529)
Mrs. Pickett would exclaim to Fishers social workers how stupid and slow he was and
that was why he was doing poorly in school. Fishers abuse affected him negatively in his
academics as well. Fisher felt scorned, without friends, and no longer able to daydream
(Fisher, 2001, p.168) I believe Fisher was the withdrawn-rejected child in his peer group. He was
"rejected by peers because of timid, withdrawn, and anxious behavior." This behavior is directly
related to mistreatment at home. (Berger, 2010, p.307; Cowan & alloway, 2009)
As if that is enough for a young boy to go through, Fisher was sexually abused by
Willenda, a neighbor who would babysit for the Picketts. These sexual encounters with
Willenda caused Fisher to struggle with have physical or romantic relations for many years.
When he was older he developed feelings for a neighborhood girl, Freda, he explained that
anything physical with Freda, even holding hands, was out of the question. (Fisher, 2001,
p.168) This was because any physical contact thus far in his life had brought him pain. Fisher
never told a soul about these encounters because he felt he was guilty and ashamed Erikson says
guilt is self-blame that a person experiences when they have done wrong, shame is when a
person feels someone else blames, disapproves or is disappointed in them. (Berger, 2010, p.199;
Kochanska et al., 202; Tangney et al., 2007)

Racism was another problem Fisher and his siblings faced but it was not as you might
think. Throughout the book Fisher mention one incident of racism outside of the home that
involved a person that was white. Most accounts of racism took place within the Picketts home
and involved people of his own race. It was heartbreaking to read about such cruelty. Mrs.
Pickett never called the children be their given name instead she gave them the derogatory title
niggas. Fisher said they could even tell who she was talking to by the way she said the word.
The Picketts fostered another child for a short time named Keith. Keiths mother was black and
his father white. Everyone was black- except for the white people on television and the ones at
the hospital and the welfare office. but Keiths father was white he, now represented something
in between. The Picketts would treat Keith like he was the golden child. On Christmas he was
the only one who received presents which made the other children feel that being lighterskinned made him better.At one point Fisher said he thought Mrs Pickett was trying to make
them hate each other. Lizzie, Mrs. Picketts daughter started to call Fisher Chocolate. Fisher
thought being as dark as chocolate was the worst disgrace, something I couldnt do anything to
change. (Fisher, 2001, p.70)
I got the impression that the Picketts were not well off but were doing better than others.
They were able to move out of a hard neighborhood and into a better environment that seemed to
help the children by keeping them out of the way of bad choices. This does not mean Fisher and
his foster siblings were treated any better. Fisher would walk to school in the middle of winter
with no winter coat or snow shoes. It is easy to say the Picketts were uninvolved parents because
they were negligent of the children and ignorant of their needs. While Fisher was in the hospital
after breaking his arm he cried to Mrs. Pickett, saying he was lonely. He told her not because he

thought she would understand, but more to save myself from drowning in swallowed hurt. To
which she simply replied since you cryin, Im gone go. (Fisher, 2001, p.188)
Dwight was a brilliant young man and fisher believed he had the potential to be
someone who had an impact on society. Dwight needed love he couldnt subsist on false love;
he needed the real thing. (Fisher, 201, p.155) Fisher believed the lack of love Dwight received
in his life, stunted him from becoming the person he could be. (Fisher, 2001, p. 160)
Fisher was able to persist through this hardships and that is how he differs from Dwight.
In class we talked about ways to deal with stress in our life. We learned that asking ourselves
these three question can help us cope with stress: What is something we need to do more of,
something to do less of, and something to do differently. Fisher found what helped him. He
learned to handle his hardships by listening to music, daydreaming, and imaging better life.
Mrs. Profit was Fishers 4th grade teacher and had an enormous impact on Fisher. She was
the first person to really believe in Fisher and teach him to believe in himself. Fisher described
her as being fair and said she treats everyone as special, me included. She gives each of us the
same chance to do well and to those special jobs, like clapping the erasers. (Fisher, 2001, p.123)
Mrs. Profit was in his life for three years and during a critical time when Fisher was starting to
begin puberty. Puberty can be a traumatizing part of life that comes with the feelings of
insecurities, fears, anxieties, and feelings of inadequacies. (Berger, 2010, p.198; Reese et al.,
2007; Harter, 2006, p.529) Fisher started to do better in school. I believe because of Mrs. Profits
encouragement and positive reinforcement Fisher developed a better self-image.

Fisher later joined the United States Navy, there he was able to gain self confidence and
learned life skills. He was proud of himself and wanted everyone to see how far he had come.
Fisher expressed his feelings about the Navy saying, "it made me belong, it made me feel that I
was the same as everyone else." (Fisher, 2001, p.269) Being in the Navy proved to be effective
therapy. Fisher was learning to not let his past determine the rest of his life. He said "During my
first two years, while I was growing at a rapid pace, I was also shedding an old skin that came
from a building up of anger that I had never dealt with." (Fisher,2001, p.279) It was in the Navy
where he developed his talent for writing.
Antwone Fisher will always be affected by his past but I believe he has shown
remarkable resilience with the hardships he has faced. By sharing his story he is educating others
and potentially helping others who have had similar experiences.

Work Cited
Fisher, A. (2001). Finding Fish: A memoir. New York, NY: Perennial
Berger, K. (2010). Invitation to Life Span. New York, NY: Worth Publishers