JournalTo: Professor Clark, Dept.

of Communication
From: Makelle Ludlow
Date: March 3, 2015
RE: Personal Change Project

The personal goal that I made to help me and my communication skills for my personal change
project was to work on enhancing my listening skills while also being able to respond
appropriately and not make assumptions about what others are trying to communicate to me.

Entry 1- March 5, 2015 [Stop, Look, Listen]:

Today was my first day of trying to implement my plan in my communicating. Today was a
good first day to start my plan because I was able to work on the basic skills of effectively
listening.
Situation/Outcome:
I met up with a friend today that I hadnt seen in a while and we were able to go to lunch and
catch up on everything that had been happening in our lives. As she began to tell me about what
she had been up to, I began to notice that I was already planning out what I was going to say next
before she had even finished talking. I then realized this would be a good opportunity to
implement the STOP part of the stop, look, and listen process (Beebe, p.131). My first
mistake was that I was not actively listening (Beebe, p.137) in the beginning of our conversation.
I did not STOP the self-talk I was having with myself which took my attention away from my
friend and making my listening less effective. Next time I plan to really focus and use active
listening to help me listen more efficiently and STOP the self-talk in my head.
Entry 2- March 9, 2015 [Actively Listening]:
Today did not go as well as my first day in implementing my plan was. It was a busy sixteen
hour day at work and I wasnt able to find as many opportunities to apply my plan.
Situation/Outcome:
I only worked with one other co-worker today and because it was such a busy night, we were
both running back and forth everywhere, leaving us hardly any time to talk like we would
normally have. I was planning on working on my active listening (Beebe, p.137) skills today but
the most of my conversation with my co-worker was only about a sentence or two consisting of
what needed to be done next at work.

Entry 3- March 11, 2015 [External Noise]:

Today I had work off so I did not have the chance to interact and communicate with my coworkers. However I was able to work on dealing with external noise with my family at home.
Situation/Outcome:
I woke up late this afternoon and needed to do some homework before I had work later.
Unfortunately this also happened to be the time that everyone in my family was getting home
from work. My dad walked in and began asking me questions about school registration for next
semester. As I was trying to listen to him my sister came home from work and turned on the TV
at the same time that my mom began to cook dinner. With all of the external noise (Beebe, p.
129) going on, my mind could not focus on and listen to what my dad was trying to say. I
thought about the noise that was interfering with me listening to my dad and decided that the best
thing I could do to eliminate that distraction was to ask my dad into another room to talk where it
would be quieter. Doing so made it so I was able to give my dad my full attention and give him
the information he was asking about.
Entry 4- March 17, 2015 [Accurately Paraphrasing]:
Today was a really good day in acting upon my plan. We had a new resident move in to our
facility at work who requires a lot attention and certain tasks to be done that I have never had to
do before.
Situation/Outcome:
This new resident at work has a lot of machines that we do not know how to use and also has a
lot of other things she needs done or help with every day. So today at work my supervisor was
telling me what needs to be done with this resident. As she began to talk and describe everything
I thought it would be good to try paraphrasing (Beebe, p.142) so that I do not make my normal
mistakes of assuming what she is saying instead of verifying what she is actually saying.
Supervisor: She has a new kind of c-pap that she needs to wear every night. The mask is on
top of her drawer and the water is under her sink.
Me: Since it is a new type of c-pap does she still need to have the water changed every other
night and have her mask cleaned every morning?
Supervisor: Yes, her c-pap still does need to be cleaned every morning but her water needs to
be changed every night instead of just every other night.
Me: Okay thanks for clarifying that for me.
When dealing with and having this conversation it was very important that I did paraphrase
because if I didnt I could have made a mistake with her c-pap. Also if I wouldnt have

paraphrased my supervisor wouldnt have told me that her water needs to be changed every night
instead of only every other night.
Entry 5- March 18, 2015 [Stop, Look, Listen]:
Today was a pretty good day for practicing one of the listening skills that weve learned. I really
tried to focus and pay attention on the people who were communicating with me today by
making eye contact and giving them all of my attention.
Situation/Outcome:
Today I went shopping with my sisters at the outlets. As we were walking around the stores we
began talking about the trip we are trying to plan in May, we had noticed a policeman in the
corner of one of the stores talking to one of the workers. My eyes were naturally drawn to that
situation in the corner even when my sisters continued to talk about planning our trip. I then
realized I wasnt giving my full attention because I had not listened to what they were actually
saying very well. I thought that if I could get my attention back on my sisters I would be able to
listen better, so I decided to apply the LOOK part of the stop, look, and listen (Beebe, p.132)
process. I turned my eyes away from the corner with the policeman and made eye contact with
my sisters to allow myself to bring my attention back to them and what they were discussing.
Entry 6- March 21, 2015 [Using Empathy in Listening]:
Today was not the best day. I did not have many opportunities to apply good listening skills and
using empathic listening in my communications with others. I did have a conversation with one
of my co-workers where I was able to listen to her tell a personal story.
Situation/Outcome:
At work my co-worker began to tell me what she has been going through lately with her
boyfriend and how she has been having a hard time. As she was telling her story I could tell that
it was a sensitive topic and that she was very emotional about it all. I began to realized that this
wouldnt be a time for me to work on analytical listening (Beebe, p.123), but it was a chance for
me to work on empathic listening (Beebe, p. 134). As she told her story I was trying to be very
comforting and relate to her as much as I could while maintaining to be positive. This wasnt the
time for me to be self-absorbed (Beebe, p.126), but a time that the conversation topic would
remain on her and her issues. Normally I would try to bring up a different topic and try to brush
off what the other person was saying. However this time I used empathy and was an otheroriented listener (Beebe, p. 2) which in turn ended up being really helpful to my co-worker and
made the conversation go easy.

Entry 7- March 25, 2015 [Selecting]:

Today was a better day. I was able to apply the selecting process to the important information
that was being told to me, rather than listening in on the more interesting or fun conversation that
was going on.
Situation/Outcome:
We had a mandatory work meeting today that we have once a month. The meetings are intended
to go over goals, first aid, resident safety, and also to go over anything that can improve their
well-being. While my manager was going over some information updating us on a few of the
new residents, there were some employees sitting next to me that were having their own
conversation aside from the meeting. They were talking about getting together this weekend for
some birthday party for a friend. I had started to listen into the conversation, but decided to
change my focus back onto my manager and listen to the more important information that was
being told. I was using selecting (Beebe, p.121) to decide what information was more important.
This was very beneficial to me in that I was able to really focus on what was important rather
than be distracted by meaningless conversation that I could push off and have later when other
more important information was being discussed.
Entry 8- March 28, 2015 [Actively Listening]:
Today was a lot better than the first day that I tried to apply my active listening skills. In we had
a group discussion that I normally do not participate much in about politics.
Situation/Outcome:
Ive never really liked or understood politics and felt like everything my group would talk about
was just way over my head. But today I actually tried to focus on what they were saying and
actively listen (Beebe, p.137) to see if I might be able to participate. Instead of trying to read my
textbook, text someone back, or think about random things to myself, I really tried to listen to the
topic they were discussing and make sure to keep my focus on them and the topic rather than
random other things that had nothing to do with politics. While actively listening and selecting
(Beebe, p.121) the major topics or questions to pay special attention to I also tried to mentally
respond to what they were discussing. Doing this for a few minutes made it so I actually
understood what they were talking about and led me to being engaged in the conversation and
eventually led me to responding with my thoughts on the topic.

Entry 9- March 30, 2015 [Stop, Look, Listen]:

Today was not a very good day. I struggled a lot at trying to find a conversation that I could
apply a listening or responding skill to. Towards the end of my day I was able to again apply the
stop, look, and listen strategy.
Situation/Outcome:
I had just gotten home from the gym and was about to start my homework when my mom had
walked in and began to talk about her day. At the same moment my boyfriend was trying to talk
to me over text about his bad day at work. While I wanted to be there physically and mentally
for my mom to listen about her day I was distracted by the buzzing phone in my pocket. The
thoughts that were running through my head were not about what my mom was going through or
what I could say in response to her. My mind was completely on my boyfriend wondering why
he had such a bad day and what couldve happened. I didnt think that it was fair to my mom to
be there pretending that I was listening and that I cared what her day way like so I decided to
apply all three steps to the stop, look, and listen (Beebe, p.131) strategy. I STOPPED the
background noise of my phone and turned it off and STOPPED the self-talk I was having. I
LOOKED at my mom and made eye contact to keep my focus on her and show I was interested.
And I effectively was able to LISTEN to how her day had gone. Turns out she didnt have a
good day either, and by me using the stop, look and listen strategy I was able to have a
meaningful conversation with my mom and be there for her. I wouldnt have been able to do so
if I hadnt applied those steps.
Entry 10- April 2, 2015 [Understanding]:
Today I was able to work a little bit on my understanding and responding skills. My boyfriend
and I had not seen each other in over a month due to our busy schedules.
Situation/Outcome:
We had go into an argument about how we need to make each other more of a priority. We are
both working full time jobs and we do live kind of far from each other so we both understand
that it can be hard to see each other all the time. We began to talk about what was so important
to each of us that we were having such a hard time trying to spend time with each other. He had
brought up that hes been going to the gym every day and how that pulls his time away from me.
I then brought up how Ive been working overtime and busy with school projects. It was hard
for me to understand (Beebe, p.121) that the gym was more important, but I also knew how hard
he has been working to get where he is and accomplish what he has. Normally I would have cut
him off mid-sentence to get out what I was trying to say. However, this time I tried to be more
understanding and tried to not interrupt (Beebe, p. 144) and I even tried standing in his shoes to
see everything from his point of view. Doing so made it so I was more rationale and was able to
have a conversation with him that wasnt self- absorbed (Beebe, p.126).

Conclusion:
Throughout these past five weeks that I have been able to apply these different strategies to more
effectively communicate, listen, and respond has been really amazing. I was able to have better
more meaningful conversations and feel like I was listening a lot more and being more otheroriented. Doing and using these strategies has definitely helped me to improve my
communication and better achieve my personal change goal/project.

References:
Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond. (2015). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others. Boston:
Pearson [Allyn & Bacon]