Sickness to its Finest.

As kids, we dont understand what is going on around us or the bad situations that happen
to others. What is that, daddy/mommy?that is what most kids say about most problems, but
you cant explain anything to them since they just simply wont understand. Ever since I was
born, my dad suffered with something that my dad likes to pretend isnt there. My dad has
insomnia which is a sleep disorder. My parents didnt tell me about this because they knew that I
wouldnt understand, but now that I am aware of what it is, I wish they would have told me
because this was concerning my dads health. My dad is an engineer, and I cant even imagine
what it must be like to not be able to sleep and then work for 8 hours. I was unaware of what was
going on at the time and to know that I spent my whole childhood complaining about things I
didnt have or things I wanted, hurts me. I complained while my dad was wanting something
that he couldnt have; whereas, I got everything I wanted and I still wanted more.
As a little girl, I ncver would have guessed that my dad was only sleeping 5 minutes a
day since I never paid much attention to my surroundings. I appreciate that my parents didnt
tell me about this sickness but there was no need to lie because I would eventually find out. I was
8 years old whenever I noticed a black machine with tubes, and I was a bit scared because I
wondered what its purpose was. I had never seen that black machine, and when I did, I got a
feeling that something was wrong. I walked towards it to check what it was and how it
functioned. I looked closer and closer until I heard someone try to open the door of my house,
and I knew it was my dad. My dad had this tendency of whistling this little song and saying,
Im hoooomee, and my sisters and I have this instinct of running to my dad and hugging him
while saying, Daddddyyyy Poooooh. While my dad was eating, I went to his room and tried to
figure out what it was, but a few seconds later, he walked in and saw me. The first thing he did
was tell himself, I forgot to put it away, and I grew even more curious of why he would hide it.
He sat me down on his bed and looked straight at me and lied to my face. He told me that it was
a machine that blew out air so that he wouldnt get hot and that little 8 year old girl believed
every word her father said. I didnt worry about that black machine anymore since my dad had
told me everything I needed to hear. I now understand that my dad was just telling me what I
wanted to hear not the truth because he didnt want me to feel pity for him or change my
behavior towards him. I continued on with my life not having the slightest clue that my dad had
insomnia until I experienced the worst day in my life.
I was 10 whenever my parents sat my sisters and I down and talked about something that
broke my heart into little pieces. All I heard was insomnia and those words whirled around and
around my head, as I was trying to not let those words enter my mind. I failed to do so, and I
couldnt hold in my tears any longer, so I let it all out because I was scared of what was going to
happen next. They told me not to worry but how could I not if this was regarding my dads
health. My exact thoughts were my dad is going to die. I became depressed because I feared to
lose my dad, I would try to make every day as memorable as I possibly could, but I couldnt
because I wasnt mindful of the life I would have without him. I didnt want those moments to be
the last ones I would ever have with my dad.
My dad and I didnt have the closest relationship because I never tried to form any type
of relationship and now, I regret it. Ever since I found out about his sickness, it became even
harder to form a relationship because the only thing that filled my mind was the the thought of
my dad dying soon. I looked at him and I thought, I hate you! Why do you have to have this
sickness. I ran as fast as I possibly could to the corner of my room, and I cried so much as if my

dad had already died. I regret everything I did as a child because I made my dads life harder
than what it already was. That day, I didnt leave my room, I didnt speak, I didnt eat nor sleep. I
was terrified and every breath my dad took, I thought it was going to be his last. As I grew older,
I slowly started to forget about his sickness so I asked my mother, Mom, he hasnt died so that
means he is getting better, right? What my mother told me was a lie, he was not getting better,
he was sleeping less and less each night. My mother promised me that he was going to be alright
but his ability to sleep hadnt improved. He looked even more tired every day, so how could my
mother promise me something that could never happen. After everything that had happened with
my dad, the most frightning thing happened to him that affected me in the most terrible way.
Saturday night, we were driving to church and he looked awfully tired but stranger than
ever, and the ignorant girl I was didnt pay attention to his appearance. As church was coming to
an end, collapsed on the floor was the man that I called father, and I thought, this is the end.
I turned at the sight of flashing red lights, and I saw my father being taken into the dark, red van.
The world all of a sudden turned upside down and I could barely balance my body but I managed
to speed walk outside, and hold my fathers trembling hands. My mother specifically instructed
us to stay at church and that a friend of hers was going to take us home, but I wanted to
accompany my dad thinking that this was going to be the last memory I would ever have of my
dad. I knew that if I went, I would make his medical condition worse, so I stayed. Before
entering the church again, I had to wipe the tears off my face because I had faith the first time in
my life. I knew that everything was going to be okay, so I wiped the tears off and walked in,
pretending to be strong, and I took my seat but all I could think about was my dad. That was the
first time that my negativity didnt run through my mind, and this tragic ocassion affected me to
make me the type of person I am today. This event completely changed the way I perceive my
dads sickness and I now, know how to behave towards him. My dad is still here and he keeps
being the best father in the world, but I realized that I was making the situation worse by
thinking negatively. I learned that you should always have faith and if you really want someone
to stay, then dont give up on them. I am so sorry dad for making your medical condition worse
and treating you like if you were already dead. I am also sorry for thinking that I hated you. I
dont. I just wasnt sure of what to say becuase you were slowly breaking my heart. I seriously
couldnt stand the thought of not having you by my side. I am still a bit mad because you still
have this sickness, and it breaks me to know that for 20 years, you have had this problem and it
still continues. I am sorry father for everything Ive done but just know that I love you.
Cancer destroys us.
A 4th grader is expected to tend her bed or focus on her studies, but that is your typical
4th grader. What you dont know is that not everyone has that perfect life or that regular life that
I never got to experience as a child. 5 years ago, my life was nothing compared to the lives of my
classmates because their lives were just simply perfect. The overlook of my 4th grade year was
everything I wished never happened.
My mother was raised by her mother and she always taught my mom to not complain
when things got rough because complaining would not solve anything. Also, her father left my
mother when she was 3 and this hatred towards him grew as she grew older. As the years passed
by, my grandpa seeked forgiveness from her, but she was still furious because he left them and
married someone else. My mother would try to avoid telling him all that she felt because it
would make him feel extremely guilty, so my mother just ignored him for 30 years. My mother

has become a professional on hiding what she feels, and for me, she is the definition of strong.
For years, my mother has hid all her emotions and somedays, she will just let it all out because
all that anger builds up, and it isnt easy keeping your emotions to yourself. 2010 was the year
that surprised us all and made me think, Why couidnt I just live with a perfect family?
Perfection was what I wished for because I thought that it would save me from all this pain I had
felt and from the experiences I had experienced. What scares me now is that I wished for another
family, and I can never possibly forgive myself for giving up on my family.
My mother was in pain but what attention did I pay to her if it didnt concern me. At the
time, what didnt concern me wasnt my business but it would grab my attention if something
traumatic happened. I noticed that my mother would be resting too often and my mother is the
type of person who will always be doing something, but of course, she never complained about
the pain. The only thing that truly convinced me that my mother was okay was that she showed
no pain and she would act as if everything was okay. Well, she tricked us all and the sad part was
that we never confronted her about how she felt until the day of one of the most important days
of my life. I remember this day so well because it was the best but worst day I had ever
experienced. It was the day of The National Honor Society Induction Ceremony, and I was an
inductee. Ever since they had told me, that was the day I couldnt stop talking about because it
was the beginning of a new me. Before the ceremony, I called my mother and she told me that
the whole family was coming to celebrate with me and I began to cry tears of joy because it was
the first time, I felt as if I accomplished something good in life. The ceremony began and this
huge crowd of mexicans approached the seats and I began to chuckle because they were my
family. I noticed my mother nor father were there and my hands began to sweat because I had
this small feeling that something was wrong. 2 hours passed and the woman in the most fanciest
attire called my name as slow as she possibly could. I sat up and walked with trembling and
sweaty hands, and as I shook her hand, she gave me some type of comfort. Where is my dad
with his camera? Where is my mom with her loud hands that make me feel so accomplished?
Where are they?! They were still not there, but I didnt want to completely freak out, so I
remained calm.
It was time for my favorite part of the ceremony, the reception. We all went to the gym,
and the mexican crowd approached me with big balloons, hugs, and kisses. I asked my uncle if
he knew where my parents were at, but he said he wasnt sure. As we sat down on the
uncomfortable chairs, they made me feel even more uncomfortable, and a few seconds later, I
notice my uncle is speaking with my father because they have nicknames for each other and their
conversation was rather long. My worries started to fade away until I observe the face my uncle
makes before hanging up with my dad. His mouth slowly opened as if he saw something that he
could never forget and droplets of water started dripping from his face. I didnt want to know, I
didnt want to get hurt on one of the most important days of my life, so I looked away. Focusing
on my food and on this special day, I forced myself outside to listen to what my uncle said and I
remember exactly what he told me because it changed they way I perceived my own life. My
uncle could barely murmur the words that he knew would destroy me, but at last he said to me
with tears, Jess, do you know how your mother has been in a lot of pain? Well today, the pain
was irresistible and you know how your mother is at hiding her pain and emotions, well your
father noticed that your mother could not take anymore of the pain so they went to the
emergency hospital. They ran some tests and they found out she has breast cancer. Im so sorry
Jess. Everything around me suddenly became unclear and the constant knocking in my head
was the headache I couldnt possibly forget because there were so many things running through

my head at the same time. My body collapsed on the floor, and I thought could anything get
even more worse than this. Depression was reaching me as I cried and thought about all the
negative things that could happen. I cried and cried until I felt as if my body was lacking water. I
immeadiately left the reception because my thoughts were taking over my actions. I could barely
speak since this news left me speechless.
I ran to the only place that I felt comfortable enough to scream, cry, hit something, and
think: my closet. I rushed to my room and locked the door, and forgot about everyone and
everything. HOW COULD YOU HIDE ALL YOUR PAIN, THEN END UP HAVING
CANCER!? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US?! How-- could--you? Why? (*crying once
again*), I screamed as loud as I could. I had so many questions for my mother and I felt this
extreme dislike towards her because she lied about all the pain, and she was being ignorant of
this extreme disease that was taking over her breasts. That night, I cried myself to sleep, noticing
that my parents were still not home. The next day, I woke up thinking about my dream, which
was that my uncle told me that my mother had cancer and I cried and cried in my sleep. I came
down from my bunk bed and walked towards my parents room to tell them goodmorning, but
they were not there, and at that moment, I remembered that it wasnt a dream, it was real. I
wondered where my siblings were at because the house was extremely silent, so I walked around
looking for them, but I saw my uncle sleeping on the couch at first sight and I brought him a
blanket. As I covered him with the blanket, he woke up and asked me how I was I feeling and I
responded, what do you think? (bursting out into tears) My mother is in the hospital and she has
cancer. I dont KNOW what to think about or what to feel. She has cancer. CANCER. I am not
going to tell you that Im fine when Im dying inside. Im not going to tell you that I think
everything is going to be fine when there are possibilities of my mom dying. Right now, I feel
confused. When did this happen? Why did this happen? He wasnt even sure of what to say to
me because he knew he had to be very delicate with his words because anything he said could
break me. I asked him if he could take me to the hospital, and he said, Are you sure youre
ready to see her? I responded, No, but I have to be there for her. That visit allowed me to
speak with her, cry with her, and possibly talk with her for the last time. My visits became
constant and everday after school, I would come and talk with her for hours. I learned from my
dads experience to not be negative, so I stayed positive throughout this tragic event.
One month passed by quickly and it was time for her 3rd operation. The opearation was
a complete success, and the doctor said that she will be fine and that she could go home in 40
days. I kneeled down and cried tears of joy. That was probably the best day I had experienced
that year. My dads experience inmensely helped me. My mothers cancer might have destroyed
me inside but reconstructed me despite the difficulties.
Till death do us apart.
He started off as my baby-sitter. Over the course of the years, we became closer and a bit
inseperable. When my sisters and I were little girls, our parents would go out a lot and they
couldnt leave us alone, so they hired a guy from church to take good care of us. The first time he
came, I was scared because I just saw a big man with a white t-shirt that smelled like a lot of
cologne, and with big jeans which would be the cause of his sagging. My first thoughts were
what type of guy did my parents hire because he looked pretty dangerous to me and I did not feel
safe with such a guy. As my parents would leave, he would turn on the television and we would
watch Disney Channel, and he would make some funny jokes. The amount of times he would

come made me a bit more comfortable to be around him, and the duration of our conversations
would increase every time. I would see him at church every Saturday, so I got used to him being
around, until one day, he wasnt there anymore.
Jr. and I became closer than I had ever imagined, and I admired our relationship because
he was such a great role-model. Everytime he would come to our house, we would sit down at
the table and he would tell him what he did that day and I would tell what I did that day. His days
were the most fun, and I remember laughing so hard because something funny always happened
in his day. At church, everytime I saw him, I would run up to him and give him a hug. One day
the sun was shining really hard that you could barely see it, and Jr. considered that day the most
prettiest day hed ever seen in his life, and we both sat on the cold, and wet grass, looking at the
trees wave from side to side, and he told me, Jessi, you have become my little sister and I
couldnt thank you enough for being the greatest friend. I never thought that we would become
that close because at first, you thought I was intimidating, and I though you were a spoiled little
girl, but I have come to realize that you are a funny person, and have a whole life planned ahead
of you. I have noticed that you dont strive for perfection, you strive for success and that is one
of things I most admire about you. I hope we can be friends until death do us apart. He was the
cause of the droplets of water on my face, and I was crying mostly because it was the sweetest
conversation I had with him, but also because it sounded as I goodbye. Those were the good
moments and the good memories I have of him, until things got out of hand and at some point, I
was scared for him. We began to see to less and less of him, and my curiousity grew more and
more each day. My parents found out why he hadnt been coming, but they debated whether to
tell me or not because they knew that if they told me he was in a gang, that would break my
heart. He had such a successful lif ahead of him and to join a gang, it was as if he was just
throwing away the only chance he had at being successful. Since he had joined the gang, he had
no interest in coming to church or to baby sit us anymore, which made me feel as if everything
that we had done together was waste to him.
Our frienship seemed gone. As if everything that happened between us never happened,
and everything we told each other was never said. We completely stopped talking to each other
for no reason, but I still worried about him. I happened to be at his house one time because my
parents had a reunion with his parents about some church things, and I see him leave the house
with a bag. He never returned home that night. Jrs best friend told the family what had
happened, and as I was eavesdropping, my heart began to race quickly, and tears approached my
eyes. I was completely devastated. That was the last of Jr. That was the last of the older brother I
never had. That was the last. All I could see before I became weak was his mother, crying and
crying and crying because the only son she had, had just been assasinated. It was as if a part of
her soul had just been taken from her. Jr didnt deserve this. He was a good person and a good
son of God. Yes, he made mistakes but he had a whole life ahead of him, and he couldnt live the
life he wanted because some cruel person assasinated him. Jr was told to kill somebody, but Jr
would not even think about doing that because that is the biggest sin a man could committ, so Jr
told the leader of the gang that he no longer wanted to be part of this gang because it was the
biggest mitake he had ever made. Once you joined a gang, you cant get out of it because they
thought that someone could expose their identity. The next day, Jrs life was threatned by that
guy, and after speaking with him, he shot him. Jr was young and his life ended because of a silly
mistake he made, but there are just some mistakes you cant undo and this one was one of them.
As much as I cried that night, I realized something very important that we dont see the
consequences of something until they appear unexpectedly. I learned something about myself

through this experience which has made me into the perosn I am today and it is that I have
learned to accept death.
Wrap-Up
I have learned about the greatest things through the worst experiences, but I am grateful
that I was allowed to live through these experiences because they have taught me a little more
about myself and I have also changed my ways of thinking. Through my dads experience, I
learned to not let negativity run through my head because it will just worsen the situation and
most likely, the person too. My moms experience was probably one of the hardest ones I had to
live through because my mom was at a high risk of dying. Although I had the most worries with
my mother, I managed to stay positive at all times even though at times, I would have to let all
my pain out. Jrs experience left me in great shock and I could never possibly forgive myself for
talking with him about his problems, and it feels as if it is my fault because I wasnt there to stop
him from joining the gang. I am sorry Jr. Jrs experience made me be able to accept death as it is.
Death is my overall theme. My first two chapters talked about how much I feared death because I
felt as if death was present, but in my third chapter, death struck one of my dearest friends. When
I experienced someone die, I felt prepared and I felt as if I knew how to deal with death because
it had always been there, circling our house. Both my parents have been at a high risk of dying,
and to know what they have suffered though makes me cry some tears, but those experiences
have made me a stronger person. If it wasnt for my moms cancer and my dads insomnia, I
dont know how I would have taken Jrs death. It also makes me sad to know that I learned such
a great things about life, while my parents suffered greatly, and Jr lost the only life he could ever
have. At the moment, I would think that I was the only one in pain but I was forgetting about
how much pain my siblings were goign throughas well, and I have realized now that I never
showed my sadness or my madness to my siblings because they always remained calm, and that
was something I struggled to do. There is one thing I have learned from all of this which is
always look up and tell yourself, Everything is going to be fine, rather than to tell yourself,
This is the end of everything. These experiences have taught me the real meaning and the real
effect these phrases will have on you.