How to Defend Yourself from Ninjas

Ninjas are everywhere. They are masters of disguise. They are experts at almost all
weapons, can run for miles without breaking a sweat, and they can be hired as mercenaries.
That is why you need to defend yourself from ninjas. Let's say you accidentally bump into that
guy in your office. He had a bad day already, and you've just dumped his coffee all over his
shirt. You apologize and think it ended there. He doesn't think it ended there, and hires a ninja to
kill you.

First Steps
1) The first thing you must do to survive is not tell anyone. They may tell the ninja by accident
because of ninjas' expert disguising skills. Even if no one tells the ninja, that information may
endanger him or her.
2) Start your training regimen. You need to get your stamina up, you're upper body strength
needs to be strong, and you need to be able to defend yourself with whatever you find. The
book When Ninjas Attack says that ninja
mercenaries usually plan their attack over 9 months so
you may have a good amount of time.

3) The next thing you need to do is make your house ninja proof. There
are a LOT of things you can do for this so let's break it into two parts:
outside defense and inside defense.

The first thing you can do outside, is get

yourself guard dogs or other animals (tigers
would be best). Train them to guard the
perimeter of your house.

Next, make sure your yard is covered in

gravel. Gravel makes noise when stepped
on and might alert your guards of the
position of the intruder.

Also, behind the tigers, you will have a wall.

It is recommended to have it 40+ feet but
your city's regulations might not allow it.

Lastly, before the wall, a moat would help

prevent the ninjas from climbing over the
wall. If you do choose to dig a moat, it must
be at least 20-feet-wide or more so the ninja
can't just jump over it.

Also, consider filling the moat with water and

animals, corrosive acids, or just lots of
animals.

Ninja History

The first ninja started as

a samurai in around 700
AD, and when he finally
lost a battle instead of
committing suicide he

became a ninja. Ninjas a

different from samurais

in a couple ways. Ninjas

have no morals and will

do anything to complete
a mission. On the other
hand samurais would

challenge an opponent,
state their lineage then
fight.

Did You Know?

Santa is actually a ninja.

He practices Ninjutsu

(the art of stealth) by

using smoke bombs to

escape and he also uses

shuko which are hand

B) Next, inside your home you can do lots of things too.

The first thing you need to do is make it so the are no hiding places for
ninjas.
Throw out your bed frame and mattress (there could be a ninja hiding in
there) and immediately cease showers and baths as it is too easy for a
ninja to catch you unaware and vulnerable.
Using only sheets and flattening them every morning is advisable to know if
a ninja has been in your room.
Next, if time and budget allow, make your house almost like a maze which
will confuse ninjas and will give you longer to escape.

spikes used for climbing

up walls according to
blackbeltmag.com

4) Protect all family and people involved closely in your lives. If possible,
convince them to take a vacation or visit faraway family. Ninjas will do
anything to complete their mission and nothing is below the belt for
them.

Extra facts
In the When Ninjas Attack, a book that centers around how to defend yourself from ninjas, they
say that 87% of all unsolved murders in the 48 lower states of the U.S. are the direct result of a
ninja attack. In Hawaii and in Alaska 92% and 93% are the direct result of ninja attacks.
The CIA also has a page on its website about ninjas:
https://www.cia.gov/library/center-for-the-study-of-intelligence/kent-csi/vol9no2/html/
v09i2a06p_0001.htm

Sources cited
Kaplan, Sam, Phoebe Bronstein, Keith Riegert, and Miro Salazar. When Ninjas Attack: A
Survival Guide for Defending Yourself against the Silent Assassins. Berkeley, CA: Ulysses,
2010. Print.

"Free Guides." Ancient Ninja Stealth Skills Serve Santa Claus Well in Modern Times . N.p.,
n.d. Web. 03 June 2015.
"Top 10 Myths About Ninjas - Listverse." Listverse. N.p., 23 Apr. 2009. Web. 08 June 2015.
"12 Sneaky Ways to Ninja-Proof Your House." Movoto Blog 12 Sneaky Ways to NinjaProof Your
House Comments. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 June 2015.
Szczepanski, Kallie. "History of the Ninja." N.p., n.d. Web. 08 June 2015.
"Ninja Weapons." Ninja Weapons. N.p., n.d. Web. 08 June 2015.
"Free Guides." Ninja History 101: Ninjutsu Weapons . N.p., n.d. Web. 08 June 2015.