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Second Part of

A Little Help from Destiny


An original story
Written by
uknowulovemary / MRDL
Copyright 2013 by uknowulovemary
All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted i
n any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior wri
tten permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either p
roduct of the author or are used
fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business es
tablishments, events or locales is
entirely coincidental.
Read my stories at http://uknowulovemary-stories.blogspot.com/
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A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
A Little Help from Destiny
4
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The Rich and Infamous
It was already a written fact that Kim came from a wealthy family. It was obviou
s with his cars,
their houses, and how they spend their money. Of course, it was also obvious fro
m Kim and
Sam s upbringing. With just one look, it would be easy to tell that they ve come fro
m the upper
class.
I ve always thought that they are 3 levels higher from dad s when it comes to money
and 5
levels higher from mom s. However, I thought wrong. They are much higher than I th
ought.
Now I wonder, could they be the same level with Mr. Henry Sy and Mr. Tan? Could
they be more
powerful than the His Excellency Mr. President?
Those kinds of questions just kept on popping into my head ever since I learned
that they were
really rich, not only money rich but power rich also.
It was the day I was supposed to meet up with Kim at his house, we were going sh
opping and
then play tennis at the club and so he picked me up from dad s house and we went o
ver to his
place, nang nakarating na kami something came up at kailangan umalis muna ni Kim
, so he
asked me to stay and so I did.
Wala si Tita and Sam sabi kasi ni Kim they had to go to the Embassy, I really di
dn't know what
they were doing in the Japanese Embassy and also the US Embassy. Back and forth
lagi sila sa
embassy. And so walang tao sa bahay nila kundi ako lang dahil kasama din nila Ti
ta si obasama.
Nanuod nalang ako dahil bored na bored na ako, then habang ako ay busy sa paghah
anap
ng makakain sa kitchen may tumatawag, dahil feel at home ako sinagot ko ito. Yes
hello
Montenegro residence. I answered the phone, ganyan kasi sa bahay namin and Tita E

lise told
me before how to answer their phone calls.
May I speak with Ms. Montenegro? tanong nang lalaki over the phone.
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uknowulovemary
I m sorry but she s out at the moment but I can convey the message. I said at kinuha k
o na
yung pad para isulat yung sasabihin nung guy.
Ok. Please tell Ms. Montenegro that the private jet had already set foot at Clark
. Sabi nung
lalaki over the phone, but he kept on rambling about fuel tanks and the schedule
flight and pilot
but he already lost me sa private jet. It already meant that they owned a privat
e jet!
After that I hang up already. I didn't quite understand the situation, how rich
was the
Montenegro? They owned a freaking jet! Philippines didn't even have a presidenti
al plane but
the Montenegro had.
I knew for a fact that a jet is worth millions, and its maintenance is also wort
h millions when it
comes to Philippine Peso. How could they afford a jet? That was all I could thin
k about the whole
day.
Dumating si Kim and we didn t go out because pagod na daw siya, we went nalang sa
movie
room and nanuod ng Breakfast at Tiffany s, I ve always forced Kim to watch my favori
te classic
movies with me. Kaya kahit ilang beses na namin itong pinapanuod ng magkasama hi
ndi siya
nagrereklamo.
Pero my mind was preoccupied with the whole jet thing. And so humarap ako kay Ki
m and he
paused the movie and humarap sa akin What s wrong? he asked
You own a jet. Diretso kong sabi sa kanya, it was a very fast approach ayoko na ka
sing
paligoy-ligoy pa I want it straight!
Yes, we do. He answered like I was just asking him if he has a pen. Yung bang para
ng wala
lang sa kanya yung tanong ko. Tinignan ko lang siya ng diretso, nairita na sigur
o siya kaya
tinignan niya ako Do you want to ride it some other time? he asked, it was as if a
sking me for a
car drive.
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No. well my mind was telling me hell yes dahil I ve never been able to ride a privat
e plane,
wala naman kasi akong kakilala na mayroon private jet si Kim lang. Paano kayo nak
abili ng
jet?
Dad is a friend of the Airbus manufacturer, they offered and we bought one. Why?
Do you want
to buy? I could tell dad . He didn t finish what was saying because pinalo ko na siya
agad.
Ako bibili? We didn't even have that kind of money. Hindi ko tinatanong kung saan
niyo binili. I
said And hindi ko kailangan ng eroplano. I added.

Oh, you re asking how we afforded to buy a plane. Kim said How did you even know we h
ave
a plane? he asked na parang ngayon lang siya natauhan na alam kong may eroplano s
ila.
Long story short, may tumawag. Sagot ko So paano? Don t tell me you guys are doing
something illegal in the black market. I said and looked at him with disgust.
And so he laughed so hard. You wouldn t go out with me if I am to be a son of a smu
ggling
lord? he asked sarcastically. Sometimes Kim s humor is not that high, walang nakaka
tawa but
he laughed. Medyo baliw na siguro siya.
Answer me nalang.
Umupo siya ng maayos and then he cleared his throat. First we re rich. He said and l
ooked at
me with a grin in his face. Second we re rich. Really Kim s humor was very irritating
well I get his
point in being rich, sila na mayaman sila na may eroplano. I sounded so bitter. T
hird we re really
rich. He boasted.
Enlighten me Mr. Montenegro. I dared him.
And so he explained it all to me. Their family was influential. Yung mga governm
ent officials, ang
mga iyon daw may mga backing at sila daw ay isa sa mga nag baback sa mga politic
ians not
just here in the Philippines but also in Japan.
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uknowulovemary
He told me na si oba-sama ay galing sa isang influential Japanese family na nagp
akasal sa
isang Pilipino. Ang family daw ng lola niya ay dating pinakamayaman na pamilya s
a Japan. Isa
sila sa nag-fund sa Japanese Empire noong World War II. Kaya until now, they re st
ill the most
influential family in Japan.
Sa father side naman daw, ang mga Montengero daw ay simpleng mamamayan ng Pilipi
nas,
business tycoon na sila dati pa pero they never got involved in politics, hindi
sinabi sa akin ni Kim
kung bakit basta way before his dad married his mom, the Montenegro never got in
volved
when it came to politics, tahimik lang ang pamilya nila dati. Pero that all chan
ged nang
pinakasalan ni Uncle Rick si Aunt Sachiko, mas lalong naging mayaman ang mga ito
at nakikisali
na sila sa politics although they were never mention in any news. Ayun ang isang
ayaw daw ng
pamilya nila ang mapunta sa kanila ang spotlight.
Kim told me they could never run in the elections kahit pa sila ay maimpluwensya
dahil sa family
background nila. How could the Filipino accept a family that funded the Japanese
way back?
Kaya haggang pagsuporta lang sila at ayun lang.
Kung mayaman kayo bakit wala kayo sa list ng pinakamayaman sa Pilipinas? I asked h
im, he
told me na mas mayaman pa nga sila sa president ng Pilipinas eh, at kung tutuusi
n kalevel lang
nila si Henry Sy. Which I don t really believe. Yes they own a private jet pero ba
kit nga wala sila
sa list diba?

I told you oba-sama doesn't like our family to be published in the papers. Pagsasa
bi niya.
Dagdag pa niya na yung mga balitang yung mga kurakot na politicians na may mga S
wiss
bank account ganun din sila, yung pera nila nakatago sa Swiss banks at wala sa P
ilipinas. Dahil
nga sa Switzerland meron silang tinatawag na bank secrecy. Talagang private at k
ahit gaano
kalaki yung pera na ilagay mo ok lang. It s the best banks to conceal all your evi
l doings if you re
a politician or a illegal business magnet.
We spend the whole afternoon talking about their richest. Madami na akong nalala
man tungkol
sa pamilya ni Kim pero si Kim, he only knew a pinch sa aking pamilya. Madami pa
din akong
tinatago sa kanya, pero siya open na open kaya parang nakokonsensya ako dahil I m
still
concealing things to him.
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uknowulovemary
Akala ko mga sindikato kayo. Pagjojoke ko sa kanya.
What if I tell you we are syndicates? Would you still let me love you? he asked.
Napaisip ako kung nga masama silang tao, will I still accept him? Sympre ou, wal
a naman
perpektong pamilya. Ano naman kung gumagawa sila ng illegal? Kung hindi naman si
la
pumapatay diba?
Ou naman. Kung ikaw yung magmamana edi magiging Queen of Syndicate ako diba? sabi
ko sa kanya
Yeah Queen Mary. The queen of all syndicate all over the world.
We could conquer the world! I laughed mga inisip ko talaga pero siguro nga no maga
nda din
iyon, kung may isang group na kayang kaya i-conquer yung mundo tas ako magiging
reyna ng
mundo! Whahaha. An imagination takes place.
You re vicious. He said and acted like he was disgusted.
Pinalo ko siya at sabay kaming tumawa Eh gusto kong maging reyna eh. Alam mo nama
n ang
pangarap ko sa buhay eh. I reminded him.
Pangarap ko sa buhay ko? Gusto ko lang naman na makapag-asawa ng prinsipe. Kahit
sinong
prinsipe sympre basta gwapo or wag na gwapo basta may title na prinsipe siya ok
na at
magiging prinsesa ako. I ve always wanted to be a princess, siguro sa dati kong bu
hay prinsesa
ako kasi haggang ngayon nasa veins ko parin ang kagustuhan na magrule ng isang b
ansa,
that s why before my dream was to be the President of our country. Pero no one bel
ieved that I
can, kaya isinantabi ko nalang ang pangarap na iyon.
Yeah marry a prince. But why marry a prince when you could marry me? he said I coul
d buy
you anything you want. He said, pero there are things that he can never buy me.
A Little Help from Destiny
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I just smiled at him.
The day goes on like that. Nag-usap lang kami at nagkwentuhan.
Little did I know I asked him the wrong question.

The Yellow Package


Label.
Ayan ang wala pa kami ni Kim haggang ngayon. Label. Hindi ko alam kung ano nga b
a kami.
Kami na nga ba tulad ng sinasabi ng iba dahil ginagawa namin ang mga ginagawa ng
couple?
Tulad ng dates, him holding my hand, paghatid sundo niya sa akin kahit nasaan ma
n ako,
kausap palagi. Kami na nga ba?
Pero hindi ko pa siya sinasagot diba? Still we act like we re a couple are we now?
I don't know
and I don t wanna know. Hindi ko alam pero parang ayoko munang lagyan ng label kun
g ano
nga ba talaga kami dahil siguro madami pang unresolved issues around me.
I don t want to be in a relationship where I am not yet in love with the guy I m wit
h. Hindi ko pa
mahal si Kim, he s important alright and yes I do care for him but I don t love him
as a man.
And there s the Ash thing. Until now hindi ko parin alam ang isasagot sa kanya. Ku
ng tatanungin
ako ngayon I will answer yes mahal ko parin siya, sa loob ng matagal na panahon
lagi ko siyang
minamahal, pangalawa siya sa lalaking minahal ko, at as of now dalawa palang ang
lalaking
mahal ko. I ve been infatuated with someone like Rey but the truth is dalawa palan
g ang
minamahal ko, at haggang ngayon mahal ko parin silang dalawa.
Kung sino ang mas matimbang halata naman kung sino sa dalawa kong minamahal ang
mas
matimbang eh, of course it would always be Louie. Nang mawala si Louie, mas lalo
ng naging
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madali ang pagtitimbang ng pagmamahal ko sa kanila. Dahil all this time mahal ko
pala si Louie
lubos pa sa pagmamahal ko kay Ash.
And now may isang lalaki na gustong pumasok sa puso ko, gustong magkaroon ng puw
ang, ou
siguro nga meron na siyang puwang pero yung puwang na yun ay kahati niya ang mga
kaibigan ko at pamilya ko. I still can t give him the space where Louie and Ash ar
e. Hindi ko pa
kaya.
Natatakot akong pag binuksan ko yung puso ko kay Kim, baka magkulang yung puwang
sa
puso ko. Baka pag binigyan ko siya ng pagkakataon na magkaroon ng space ay baka
mawala
yung isa o dalawa. And I m scared.
Takot akong malimutan ang dalawang lalaki na nasa puso ko ngayon lalong lalo na
si Louie.
Kaya haggang ngayon hindi ko parin kayang mahalin si Kim dahil hindi ko kayang i
bigay ang
gusto niya. I can t give him my heart fully.
That's why I can t deal with the labels. Kung ano man kami ngayon ok ng walang lab
el muna,
masaya naman ako ganun din siya.
Mary pwede bang i-print mo yung recipe na lulutuin natin? pagtatanong ni Tita Elis
e, nandito
ako ngayon sa bahay nila Kim dahil naginvite si tita ng dinner with my family, k
aya nandito ako

para tumulong sa pagluluto.


Ngumiti ako kay Tita at pumunta na ako sa study, nandun kasi yung desktop at yun
g printer
kaya umakyat na ako papunta dun. Pagpasok ko inopen ko na yung file ni Tita na s
inend niya
through email sa desktop. I clicked the print button at pumunta na ako sa side n
g printer.
Nang matapos bumalik ako sa desk at kinuha yung clear folder, inayos ko yung mga
recipe tas
nilagay ko na sila sa folder. Paalis na sana ako kaso nacurious ako sa isang pac
kage, yung
yellow na envelope na parang package.
Kaya nilapag ko muna yung folder na hawak hawak ko at kinuha ko yung yellow pack
age.
Tinignan ko kung saan galing. May parang puting sticker na nakadikit dun sa liko
d, address ata
at galing ito sa US pa. Medyo natigilan ako dahil yung address, nakasulat yung a
dress ng Brown
University.
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
Alam kong mali na makielam ng gamit ng iba pero hindi ko alam masyado kasi akong
pakilemera at curious lang ako kung bakit may envelope galing sa Brown Universit
y. Ang taba
kasi nung package.
Binuksan ko ito, bukas na naman kaya hindi na halata na nakielam ako, pagbukas k
o nilabas ko
yung laman, isang booklet at may isang white envelope, ayun yung kinuha ko at na
ka-address
ito para kay Kim.
I had the feeling already but still I insisted on reading the letter. And as I r
ead the letter I was right.
Acceptance letter galing sa Brown University, Kim got accepted into an Ivy leagu
e university.
Kim s really a genius after all, to get an early acceptance letter and a course ca
talog it only
means it s been decided. Kim s going away.
Pero bakit hindi sinabi sa akin ni Kim yung tungkol dito? All I thought he d study
in La Salle tas
next year nasa La Salle na din ako but I was wrong. Kaya pala hindi pa siya nag
e-enroll sa La
Salle kasi he s going to Brown.
And now I ve realized aalis na talaga siya. That s what they were talking about. Tha
t s why may
tumawag informing them na nandito na sa Pilipinas yung eroplano nila dahil aalis
na siya.
I didn t know that I asked him a wrong question, I should have asked him Bakit nand
ito yung
private jet niyo? I should have asked him that. Hindi dapat kung paano sila nagka
roon kundi
bakit nandito.
Aalis siya at iiwan din niya ako. Pero tama naman na umalis siya diba? It s a grea
t opportunity
for him.
I heard the door open kaya nagmadali akong ibalik yung laman kaso too late, naki
ta na ni Kim
yung hawak ko, lumapit siya sa akin at kinuha yung package. Tinignan lang niya a
ko hindi ko
makuha yung tingin niya, I never do.

Aalis ka? tanong ko sa kanya.


I I m not yet sure. I want to stay here with you. sabi niya. Nasasaktan ako pero hindi
dapat. I
promised you I won t leave your side. Promise, ilang tao na ba ang nangako sa akin
pero sa
huli hindi naman nila ito tinupad?
A Little Help from Destiny
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I don t want to be a hindrance in Kim s life. Hindi pwedeng dahil sa akin hindi siya
umalis. Maling
mali na nandito siya at wala doon.
Congrats Ian. Ivy league yun. I tried to smile at him.
Tell me not to go and I won t Mary. Tinignan ko siya, alam kong nagsasabi siya ng to
too. For
the few months na nakilala ko siya, alam ko kung kalian seryoso siya at kung hin
di. I know Kim, I
know how much his love for me means, alam kong kaya niyang gawin lahat para sa a
kin. At
alam kong isang sabi ko lang he ll definitely stay.
Gusto ko siyang magstay pero napaka-selfish ko naman. Porket ayoko lang maiwan u
lit ako ng
mga taong nagmamahal sa akin, hahayaan ko bang sirain niya yung buhay na dapat a
y sa
kanya?
Umalis ka. Kunin mo yung opportunity, minsan lang yan Kim, and with your skills y
ou could be
anyone. Kayang kaya mong ma-achieve ang lahat ng pangarap mo kaya go and study a
t
Brown. Pagsasabi ko sa kanya. This is the right thing to do, to let him live his
life, maling maging
shadow lang siya.
But you re one of my dreams Mary, I can t leave you. alam kong seryoso kaming naguusap
pero kinikilig ako dahil ang cheesy niya masyado.
Hindi mo naman maiisgurado na maa-achieve mo na makasama ako eh kahit nandito ka.
Kaya take that opportunity Ian. And maybe one day pag natupad na yung mga pangar
ap mo
isa na din dun yung makuha mo yung puso ko ng tuluyan. I smiled at him.
How could I win your heart if I m not around? he asked.
Absent makes the heart grow fonder. Ngumiti ako sa kanya Kung pipiliin mong manatil
i dito
at tanggihan yung opportunity na binibigay ng Brown then I m sorry Ian, mali pala
ang
pagkakakilala ko sayo. I won t accept you kung tanging rason mo lang para magstay
dito ay
dahil sa akin. Dahil natatakot kang hindi mo makuha yung puso ko. Ayokong maging
dahilan
kung bakit hindi ka nagpunta sa Brown. So go and make all of your dreams come tr
ue. Malay
mo next year nasa US na din ako.
Ngumiti siya sa akin pero hindi ito yung signature smile niya, may halong sakit
yung ngiti
niya You re going to try next year? he asked me.
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
It was one of my goals dati, to study in an Ivy League university. Pero napakahi
rap naman kasing
makapasok lalo na kung foreign student. I haven t even taken the SATs. But maybe I
should try.

Well hindi sa Brown but in Yale. But still nasa US parin ako kaya Kim, go and stu
dy at Brown. I
believe in you. I've always dreamed of studying in Yale.
Hinawakan ni Kim yung dalawa kong kamay But how could I leave without even knowin
g what
we are. He said.
Labels. In the end kailangan din lagyan ng label ang isang relationship.
I smiled at him As of now hindi ko alam kung ano tayo Kim. Sabi ko naman sayo dat
i eh,
ayokong pumasok sa isang relationship kung hindi ko pa mahal yung guy, hindi pa
kita mahal,
mahal kita bilang kaibigan pero hindi pa sapat yon para lagyan natin ng label ku
ng ano man
tayo. Pagaamin ko sa kanya.
Alam ko dapat sinabi ko nalang sa kanya na kami na para mapanatag siya at umalis
pero
feeling ko kasi pagsinabi ko iyon, baka mas lalong hindi siya umalis, at ayokong
umasa siya na
mahal ko na siya.
I get it. He smiled at me But will you wait for me? tanong niya sa akin. Parang mali
naman
siya eh, dapat ako ang nagtatanong niyan kasi haggang ngayon siya ang naghihinta
y sa akin
diba?
Tumango lang ako 10 years from now, kung handa kang maghintay ng 10 years at wala
ka
pang ibang mahal at ganun din ako then I would marry you Kim. Nagulat ata siya sa
sinabi ko
kasi his jaw dropped open. Magaaral tayo ng mabuti at in 10 years pagtayo talaga
edi tayo.
That s our 10 year plan Ian.
That s when I formulated our 10-year plan, the plan that made me think about the f
uture.
But before I didn't know that that plan wouldn't be made possible.
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uknowulovemary
The Slumber Party
Choosing.
I ve never liked multiple choices in every exams I take. Para sa akin eto yung pin
akamahirap na
type of exam, nasabi sa akin dati ng History teacher ko na lahat ng choices ay t
ama kaya lang
may mas tatama pa dito. You have to carefully analyze the questions then the cho
ices, sa tingin
mo lahat ito ay tama, ou tama silang lahat pero which choice is the best answer
for the
question? Think carefully. It s not really kung anong first instinct mo ayun na yun
g pipiliin mo,
kasi minsan mali naman ang instinct mo diba? So don t go with what your instinct w
ants, isipin
mong mabuti kung ano bang tama. Ano bang pinakatamang sagot? Think with your min
d but
answer it with your heart. I remember my History teacher told me nang nagrereklam
o ako sa
kanya, he was also the one who told me na para din sa kanya ay ang multiple choi
ce ang
pinakamahirap na type of exam.
Really I ve never liked multiple choices, I find it difficult and boring, boring i
n a way that there s

so much choices and sometimes I hastily choose whatever, I just encircle one of
the choices at
ayun tapos na. Kaya minsan when our exams are all multiple choices I hated it ca
use ang baba
ko palagi. Because I make poor choices.
As much as possible I don t want to deal with making choices, I don t want something
like a
multiple choice decide my life. I don t want to deal reality by choosing. I hate c
hoosing. I
despised it because I know for a fact that once I ve chose I d regret it soon. Like
I said I am not
quite the chooser.
But here I am, stressed over the fact that I HAVE TO CHOOSE! It s about time to ma
ke my
decision final. I pushed the choosing away during summer, hindi ko ito inisip mu
na, I relaxed,
nilagay ko yun sa pinakadulo ng utak ko, the place where I don t have to think abo
ut it more
often.
Pero ngayon hindi ko na ito matatakasan, I have to choose whether I like it or n
ot. I really hate
this, now I have to answer the million-dollar question.
Who will it be?
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uknowulovemary
a. Ash Torres
b. Kevin Ian Montenegro
It s hard. I think sa ngayon eto ang pinakamahirap na tanong na kailangan kong sag
utin. At
hindi ko alam kung ano bang tama. Kung sino ba talaga ang pipiliin ko. But I kno
w deep down I
still have another choice.
c. None of the above
At alam ko na ang pagpili sa C would mean walang masasaktan, pero can I live wit
h that?
Hindi ba ako magsisisi na pinakawalan ko sila? Paano pag dumating yung araw na m
as
matimbang pala si ganyan? Na mali yung desisyon ko na walang piliin sa kanila?
That s why I called for reinforcement.
I hosted a slumber party for me and my friends. Alam ko na matutulungan nila ako
sa pagsagot
sa million-dollar question. I invited seven of my closest friends and cousins sy
mpre panay babae
kami, tonight is about all girls walang boys na kasama. Dahil boys would somehow
be a
hypocrite about these things.
Anyway solo namin yung bahay sympre except sa mga maids but other than the maids
and the
cook eight lang kami na nasa bahay, mom is away as usual and si kuya naman ay en
joying his
last days. Malapit na kasi ang pasukan nila kaya nagaaliw sila ng mga friends ni
ya somewhere
here in Luzon I think.
Alam mo pinapahirapan mo ang sarili mo M, sino ba ang mahal mo? asked Claire,
pinapahirapan ko ba yung sarili ko talaga?
Tama. Yung million-dollar question mo is like the 100 dollar question pa lang. pag
aagree ni
Cass kay Claire.
A Little Help from Destiny

16
uknowulovemary
Yeah sino nga ba ang mahal mo Mary? Lani asked, ganun lang ba kadali yun?
Si Ash. Pag sasagot ko sa kanila. Kanina pa kasi kami nagtatalo about this problem
of mine,
pero laging nadi-divert yung debate namin over some gossip.
Eh ayun naman pala eh, so si Kuya Ash ang pipiliin mo. Said Sky, all the way Sky i
s Team Ash
sympre mas kilala niya yun kaysa kay Kim pero bakit ganun? Mahal ko si Ash pero
ayaw kong
saktan si Kim. Ano ba talaga? At isa pa I don't know kung anong klase pagmamahal
ang meron
ako for Ash.
Porket ba mahal niya si Ash siya na agad? Paano naman si Kim mahal siya nun diba?
nagulat
ako kay Pat kasi she s like Team Kim right now. Ewan ko pero natuwa ako kasi I tho
ught mas
gugustuhin niyang piliin ko si Ash para you know mapasakanya si Kim although hin
di man niya
aminin I know she has a crush on him.
Ayy alam niyo nagcoconference call kami ng mga classmate ko kagabi then may tanon
g na
nag pop bigla. Sabi ni Yannie, see nadi-divert lagi yung usapan sa ibang usapan a
nd this will
be a long night Eto yung tanong who would you rather choose, the one who you love
but
doesn t love you back or the one who loves you but you don t love? pagsasabi niya nun
g
question Sino pipiliin niyo? she finally asked.
Love is all about taking risk kaya I m willing to gamble my heart so I would choose
the
former. Sagot ni Elle.
Ganun din ako. Pag sangayon ni Claire.
Nah mas pipiliin ko yung lalaking mahal ako. Sagot ni Pat.
Lahat sila tumingin sa akin and alam ko na hinihintay nila akong sumagot, all my
years reading
novels and watching movies, I would always choose the second man yung lalaking n
andun sa
babae nang mga oras na nasasaktan ito dahil sa bidang lalaki, mas gusto ko lagi
yun.
And I guess I don t really like taking risk, takot akong masaktan, that s a known fa
ct for everyone
to see. That s why I ve been putting some facade para hindi ako masaktan, dahil as m
uch as I
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17
uknowulovemary
want to love I don t want to get hurt, ayokong maramdaman yung heartbreak. I m scare
d of
putting a bet in my heart.
Sympre dun sa lalaking mahal ako kahit hindi ko mahal. Sagot ko sa kanila.
Edi ayan na yung sagot mo, kay Kim ka na. Pat exclaimed.
Eh mali naman eh. Mahal siya ni Kuya Ash diba so mali yung former, dahil mahal si
ya nung
lalaking mahal niya. Pag hindi sang ayon ni Sky.
And now we re back with Team Ash and Team Kim. Who would it be? Pero when Pat said
na I
should pick Kim, it made me wonder, ou nga no, mahal ako ni Kim pero hindi ko si
ya mahal at if I
were reading a book or watching a movie, I would definitely choose Kim but no, t

ama ni si Sky,
mahal ako ni Ash.
Pero sinaktan naman siya ni Ash. You weren t there Sky nung umiyak si Mary kay Loui
e. Sabi ni
Lani, I remembered well, nung nasasaktan ako nung first year ako si Louie agad y
ung
pinuntahan ko, and Lani was always there too.
Pero he said he s sorry right? At mahal siya ni Kuya Ash. Sky protested.
Sure ba tayong mahal talaga niya si Mary at for argument sake let s say mahal nga n
iya si
Mary more likely he ll hurt her again. Pagsasabat ni Yannie. Tama there s a slight ch
ance that
he would hurt me again.
Bakit si Kim ba hindi siya sasaktan? asked Elle.
That s right. Eh aalis nga siya eh. Sky joined Elle.
Long distance relationship never works. Claire agreed with both of them.
Works for Ash too. Sabi ni Cass Ash is going to college too ah at kung hindi man, h
indi naman
sila schoolmates ni Mary kaya ldr din sila.
Oh see nahihirapan na din kayo. Sabi ko at nagtawanan lang sila, isa isa silang tu
mayo at
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uknowulovemary
nagpaalam na kukuha lang ng pagkain sa baba or mag totour sa bahay. Maghahanap d
aw
sila ng multo.
Naiwan kami ni Lani at Pat dahil tinatamad kaming maglibot libot sa bahay. Alam m
o, mahal
ka ni Kim sobra. He makes you happy. Alam kong nasasaktan ka parin sa pagkawala
ni Louie
but your smiles are back. Hindi na shallow yung smile mo. He makes you smile. Sab
i ni Lani, I
looked at my fingers unable to look at her. Alam kong tama siya eh. Tama siya pi
napasaya ako
ni Kim Alam ko naman na haggang ngayon hindi ka pa handa para buksan ulit yang pu
so mo.
Kasi haggang ngayon dalawa lang ang nilalaman niyan. It s either Louie goes or Ash
diba yan
ang nasa isip mo? At dahil ayaw mong may mawala, you pushed all your feelings aw
ay. Si
Louie I know for a fact hindi siya mawawala diyan sa puso mo, so it s left with As
h, haggang
ngayon sinasabi mo na mahal mo pa siya pero is that really true? Mahal mo nga ba
si Ash o
dahil second love mo siya kaya sinasabi mo na mahal mo pa siya? Lani told me, all
she said
was true kahit anong mangyari si Louie lang ang hindi mawawala sa puso ko, siya
lang yung
laging mananatili. Pero si Ash ba?
Sinaktan ka dati ni Ash, we ve witnessed it, tatlo kami nila Louie, binago mo yung
sarili mo sa
harap ng iba, Ash did help to change you for the better, kasi dati masyado kang
prim and
proper sa ibang tao except sa mga close sayo. Hindi ko pa man namemeet si Ash pe
ro in all of
your stories about him ganun din kay Sky, I know sasaktan ka niya ulit. Not inte
ntionally pero
ganun din sasaktan ka niya at kung dati yung pagbabago mo was for the best ngayo
n hindi ko

alam kung ganun parin. Wala ng Louie na sasalo sayo. Pat said. Kim loves you. Hind
i ka niya
kayang saktan. Handa siyang itake down yung offer ng Brown para sayo. I closed my
eyes,
ewan ko pero naiiyak ako sa sinasabi nila ni Lani. I know how serious this talk
is and I can t
believe that once I doubted Pat s friendship with me, I acted insane dahil I thoug
ht ayaw niya
ako para kay Kim but hearing her saying good things about Kim.
Ayokong saktan si Ash. I said Ganun din kay Kim, I care too much about him. Ayoko s
iyang
mawala kaya nga nahihirapan ako eh. Kasi like what you said Kim is pulling me up
. I confessed
to them.
You know very well that deep down you ve already chosen right? said Lani. Ayaw mo lan
g
aminin dahil alam mong may masasaktan pero that s the ugliness of love. One must g
et hurt in
order for the other to be happy. Kahit anong gawin mong pagiiwas, pipili at pill
i ka din at may
masasaktan. It s inevitable.
She s somehow right, sa huli kailangan ko parin pumili at may masasaktan kahit ano
ng gawin ko.
At maybe tama din siya na deep down may sagot na talaga ang million dollar quest
ion ko.
I smiled sa kanilang dalawa You re right I ve already chose who. And with that cue tum
ayo na
ako to join the others sa baba to make food or to eat whatever they re making.
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Tapos na yung usapan. I ve chose. I analyzed it already and I think this whole tim
e my heart
already chose someone. I've finally answered the million-dollar question.
And it s only a matter of time when he d realized he s the one I chose.
But I didn t know choosing him would make me regret it someday.
The First Goodbye
I am going to miss the Montenegro Family, especially Kim. Sa June 2 aalis na sil
a for US, Kim will
be studying at Brown University, he'll be taking the PLME (Program in Liberal Me
dical Education),
talagang pinapatunayan lang ni Kim kung gaano siya katalino dahil that program o
nly accepts
50 or 60 freshmen out of the thousands of applicants para sa program na iyon. I'
m really proud
kasi unti unti matutupad na yung pangarap ni Kim na maging doctor.
Pero kahit anong saya ko para kay Kim, nalulungkot parin ako dahil aalis siya at
iiwan na niya
ako, okay madrama man isipin pero nasanay na kasi ako na laging nandiyan si Kim,
na isang
tawag ko lang darating agad siya. I do want him to go pero ewan ko ba mahirap la
ng sigurong
aminin sa sarili ko na ayoko.
Today is June 1 at Kim and I would go on a date daw sabi niya, it's his last day
here kaya daw
gusto niya ako ang kasama niya for today until tomorrow ang drama din kasi niton
g lalaking to.
Mas madrama pa siya sa akin. Naku.
Nagpunta kami ni Kim sa mall yeah I know common na pero sympre ako ang kasama ni
Kim so

paanong magiging common yun diba? At isa pa common lang yun pag yung nagda-date
ay
nagwi-window shopping lang pero sympre iba kami.
Dahil trip ko, sinunod ni Kim, nagcontest kaming dalawa with one hour shopping m
arathon,
paramihan kami ng mabibili na may sense naman at hindi basta basta kinuha lang s
a racks. At
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uknowulovemary
sympre dahil isa akong napakamalaking kuripot, cards ni Kim yung ginamit naming
dalawa for
the silly contest.
Kim won dahil na tigil ako sa Tiffany & Co looking at the key pendants, I rememb
ered Louie
promised to buy me the key pendant with his own money, yung pera niya talaga at
hindi galing
sa allowance ng parents niya.
He tutored pa just to save money for the pendant pero in the end hindi niya natu
pad yung
promise niya kasi iniwan niya ako bigla. I've always wanted the pendant pero mas
lalo ko itong
nagustuhan nung nawala na si Louie, dahil I wanted to wear something with his me
mory but I
can't seem to buy it, every time na I decided I should, hindi ko magawa I always
backed out.
Kim found me there and he asked me kung gusto ko yung pendant, sinabi ko ayoko k
asi
knowing Kim once I nod he'd buy it at ayokong bilhin niya ito para sa akin kasi
that pendant is
my only memory of Louie. I don't want it to have a new memory.
After that, nilagay muna ni Kim sa car niya yung pinamili namin, yung mga binili
niya ay para sa
akin, pati damit ko alam niya size ko at pati mga style. We then ate sa CPK and
continued on
walking around the mall. Sigruo nung na bored na ako sa Shang nagpunta naman kam
i sa
MOA for the bowling. Nag bowling kami and of course talo ako. Hindi naman kasi a
ko magaling
mag bowl, nabibigatan kaya ako sa bola.
We ate dinner at Mcdo dahil I really wanted to eat spaghetti and fries na pinags
ama, ayaw ni
Kim dun kumain dahil he wanted na sa fancy restaurant kami at hindi sa isang fas
t food pero
sympre ako ang masusunod kaya sa Mcdo kami, dahil maraming tao sa Mcdo nag take
out
nalang kami ni Kim and we went to the car park, the car was parked outside the I
MAX kaya
nakikita yung dagat.
After eating our dinner, binili ako ng Kim ng ice cream and we walked outside th
e mall at
papunta sa Church, hindi ko na alam yung name nung Church na iyon pero since bat
a palang
ako at wala pa yung MOA dito sa Macapagal, nagpupunta na kami nila papa dito at
nagjojog
si papa and after that mass naman sa simbahan.
Pumasok kami dun sa loob and I prayed na sana maging ayos lang si Kim sa US. I r
eally want
Kim to enjoy but of course dapat tandaan niya na wag masyadong mag enjoy mag-isa
!

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21
uknowulovemary
Sa bahay namin matutulog sila Kim dahil maaga kaming aalis for their flight, at
nasa Subic yung
plane nila, sympre hahatid ko sila at para na din makita yung plane nila. Nung p
aguwi namin,
mom and Tita Elise were talking kung ano daw ba ang kukunin kong course sa colle
ge and
what university.
I haven't really thought of that one, ewan ko pero hindi ako naeexcite na mag co
llege or even
the senior year. But knowing my mother she told Tita na of course sa La Salle or
Ateneo ako. For
my course sympre napili na din niya ang Business Ad. Pero sympre ako ang masusun
od at wala
pa akong alam.
Yeah, I've been thinking of taking Biology since third year at lalo kong nagustu
han mag doctor
dahil na amaze ako kay Aunt Sachi pero ewan ko. Kaya ko ba? Hindi naman kasi ako
ganun
katalino like Kim. Pero ewan ko.
Kim and I went to my room first at nagkwentuhan lang. He was sitting sa couch wh
ile watching
the tv at ako naman ay nasa desk ko at nagbabasa lang. It was a common scene to
see, us like
this.
"Will you miss me?" he then asked me as he lowered the volume of the tv.
Tumingin naman ako sa kanya at ngumiti lang "Hindi din." I joked "Pero ako sure
akong
mamimiss mo ako..."
"Of course I'd miss you and you being so full of yourself." he smirked.
"Heh! But in all seriousness I will miss you too Kim." I said sincerely. Hindi m
an ako expressive
minsan kay Kim I wanted to tell the truth for once.
He smiled "Thank you." he said ewan ko bakit siya nag thank you pero bahala na s
i Batman. We
started talking then about everything. "So what will be your plan for your senio
r year?" he asked.
Senior year is slowly approaching.
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uknowulovemary
I shrugged dahil hindi ko naman ramdam yung year na to eh. Ewan ko basta ayoko l
ang
nabobored lang ako. Alam kong dapat magseryoso ako dahil of course I need to mai
ntain my
rank pero tinatamad talaga ako ngayon.
"You need to study hard Mary." he said to me. "And what's your plan for college?
" he asked. Me
going to Yale is not possible because of mother. Gusto niyang tapusin muna namin
ni Kuya yung
college here at Philippines before going abroad. Ewan ko ba sa nanay ko.
"La Salle?" I shrugged.
"You're not going to take UPCAT?" he asked.
"Should I?" I asked him. Alam kong UPCAT is for UP pero hindi ko naman gustong m
agaral sa UP.
"Well I didn't take UPCAT." he said
"Bakit hindi? Diba required kayong mag apply for the big four?" I asked kasi dat
i Karl told me na

required sila magtake ng test sa big four. Kaya ano tong sinasabi ni Kim?
"I was exempted in that rule." he smiled. Oh right, si Mr. Exemption pala tong k
ausap ko. "But if
you really want to take Bio try to UP." he said "And it's a great experience tak
ing UPCAT."
"As if naman alam mo yung pakiramdam diba?"
I decided na magtatake ako ng UPCAT, tutal wala naman mawawala kung I'll try dib
a?
?
Parang ang bilis nung oras, it was time for us to go to Subic, tahimik lang kami
ni Kim and Sam
was still sleeping sa lap ko. Kim was holding my hand and I just let him. He'll
be gone for a very
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uknowulovemary
long time and hindi pa siya sure kung makakauwi siya for Thanksgiving but my fam
ily is
expecting him at ako din sympre.
I felt so sad remembering na aalis na siya at matagal kaming hindi magkikita, pe
ro kahit anong
gawin ko ngayon aalis siya. He'd hate me in the future pag pinigilan ko siyang a
butin yung
pangarap niya dahil sa selfishness ko at dahil natatakot akong magisa ulit.
We reached Subic and there I saw the plane, it wasn't big as a commercial plane
pero sympre
malaki parin ito compared dun sa mga small chartered plane. Pumasok ako sa loob
dahil hindi
pa naman sila aalis, nandun lang kami ni Kim at Sam sa loob at si Sam nagtatakbo
na sa loob.
I'll miss that girl. Parang kapatid ko na din siya. Si tita din mamimiss ko ng s
obra. Ang daming
tinuro sa akin ni tita dati. And also Oba-sama, kahit tahimik si Oba-sama mamimi
ss ko parin siya.
Karl and Kim were talking sympre mag best friend sila and of course Karl is bidd
ing goodbye to
his best friend. Ako naman eto naiiyak dahil sa mga sinasabi ni tita.
"Mamimiss kita talaga Mary." she hugged me again.
"Ako rin tita."
I carried Sam naman "I'll miss you onee-sama."
"Me too hime." I told her as our noses met. "Onee-sama loves hime."
"I love you too onee-sama." I smiled at Sam.
It was time for me and Kim to say good bye, niyakap niya muna ako at naiyak na a
ko.
Nahihirapan akong magpaalam sa kanya ngayon dahil ayoko talaga siyang mawala. Ay
okong
maiwanan ulit.
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uknowulovemary
"Don't forget me." he told me.
Kahit pa naiiyak na ako, napangiti ako "Sympre naman. Ikaw din ah." I said. "Tan
daan mo yung
10 year plan natin."
"I will." he said. "Stay safe and study hard. If you're having a hard time you k
now you can always
call me right?"
I nodded "Ikaw din ah Kim, nandito lang din ako."
"I'll call every day." he assured.
"I'll answer every day." I also assured him. "Magingat ka dun Kim ah! Alam kong

hindi ka na
macu-culture shock dun pero ingat parin ah. Don't get too excited sa freedom na
makukuha
mo!" I told him.
"I promise I'd behave and just study hard." He said. "I love you Mary."
And just like that I couldn't answer him. I do love Kim pero as a friend lang at
iba yung
nararamdaman niya para sa akin. And I couldn't lie to him, not him. Hindi ko mag
awang sabihin
na mahal ko din siya cause he'd see right through me.
He smiled at me though "You don't have to answer me Mary." he said. "But always
remember
that I love you as I promise you I'd love you forever."
"Thank you Kim." I said "Goodbye Kevin Ian." I smiled as I waved my hand.
It's hard saying goodbye but I know we'll meet again someday. This is not yet th
e final goodbye
because this is just one of the many goodbyes yet to come.
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uknowulovemary
And just like that the plane took off and I forgot to tell Kim about one thing:
I chose him.
Babies for 8 weeks
One month since Kim left for Brown University and I'm currently on my senior yea
r in high school.
Araw araw kaming naguusap ni Kim, yes walang palya yung araw, for one month wala
kaming
na miss na araw kung saan hindi kami nakapagusap.
It's unbelievable especially dahil na din sa time difference but we talked every
day, our talks are
scheduled, every weekdays it would be 6 ng gabi sa Manila and Kim would wake up
mga 4 ng
maga. He'd call first sa phone ko to check on me kung nakauwi na ba ako then aft
er that Skype
na and we'll talk haggang kailangan na niyang mag prepare, tinutulungan niya ako
with my
homework and everything at nagkukwento siya tungkol sa mga ginagawa niya at ako
din
naman.
Kim is currently taking light courses dahil summer palang naman sa US and sa fal
l pa magiistart
yung class niya so medyo hindi pa siya busy kaya talaga siguro araw araw parin k
aming
nakakapagusap. I still miss him though. Siguro nga nasanay lang ako na lagi ko s
iyang nakikita
after all we did spend our summer together at sa iisang bahay pa.
I'm not doing well sa school, I know that fact dahil tinatamad talaga ako, yung
bang parang
wala akong goal, na parang wala talaga akong pakielam for the rankings basta eas
y easy lang
ako, one month na and minsan lang ako mag recite sa school, yes I do well sa qui
zzes pero iba
parin ang recitation and extra co-curricular activities.
I stepped down from the student body government as the COS, last March kasi yung
election for
this school year's government. The party that I joined won, I didn't get elected
sa position ko,
yung position ko kasi ina-assign ng winning president and vice president minsan
unanimous
decision from the whole student body government and sympre ako yung napili for t

he COS
position dahil I was like the campaign manager for that party. Pero I stepped do
wn and handed
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uknowulovemary
it to Cyril, sympre my teachers especially my former adviser got mad dahil nga I
needed that
position for my extra co-curricular.
Well wala na silang magagawa dahil nga I left it na. Sa totoo lang naman ayoko n
aman talaga
mainvolve with the government, pero since it was such a great honor I accepted i
t, pero ewan
ko kung ano ang meron sa utak ko at I decided to step down.
That position would have made me the one with the highest extra-co-curricular da
hil the other
14 are not in the government. If hindi ako bumaba sa position na iyon, I could b
e second na
pero well what's done is done at hindi pa naman ako nagsisisi sa ginawa ko.
Though Kim was disappointed din, he encouraged me na kailangan ko daw talaga mag
aral to
graduate with honors. I feel lucky to have him pero ewan ko basta.
Basta ayoko na yung maging GC masyado gusto kong ienjoy yung last year ko sa hig
h school
kaya I'm taking it easily.
Last three subject na namin for today, we were asked to go to the great hall for
the assembly ng
mga seniors, I on the other hand ay pinatawag ng Home Ec teacher namin na si Ms.
Lesilie
Lopez, so nagpunta ako sa faculty for her.
Tumayo siya agad and naglakad kaya sumunod na ako, we used the teachers' stairs
para
makaakyat sa Home Ec Lab, at dun pinaliwanag ni Ms. Leslie yung gagawin ko for t
oday and
that would be being her assistant for today. I'm close with her lahat naman ata
kami close sa
kanya eh.
And then nagtawag pa siya ng anim na lalaki from other section at pinadala niya
yung apat na
malalaking box papunta sa great hall na sa kabilang building pa. Tas for me nama
n pinahawak
niya yung isang folder sabi niya wag ko daw buksan.
So there nauna na kami na wala si Ms. dahil may kukunin pa daw siya sa faculty.
Pagpunta
namin dun sa great hall nilapag na nila yung mga box at sympre ano pa bang makik
ita mo sa
isang hall na puno ng seniors, edi naglalaro sila, yung iba naman nagkukwentuhan
lang at
sympre ako sumama dun sa mga old classmates ko na naglalaro ng jack stone.
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
Pero after 5 minutes dumating na si Ms. Leslie at pinapila na niya kami accordin
g sa section, two
lines bawat section. Sympre hindi naman agad agad naayos yun dahil kami ata ang
pinakamagulong batch, kailangan pang pumito ni Ms para lang magsipuntahan na sa
respective lines namin.
Umupo si Ms dun sa upuan sa likod ng mahabang table na nasa harap namin. "I'll b
e
distributing your first grading project today." she announced "Actually kayo ang

first batch for


this project, swerte niyo at naabutan niyo ang upgraded curriculum ng Home Econo
mic." she
said. "Etong project na to is widely used sa US kaya sure akong iba may hula na
for this dahil sa
mga napapanood niyo before." she said. "Today I'll be distributing your babies f
or 8
weeks." nagulat kami sa sinabi niya, and sympre nagprotesta ang iba at yung iba
namilosopo
naman. "Ang ingay." sabi niya. "Our school bought 300 simulated babies from US a
t sana lang
wag niyong masira ito agad dahil sabi ko nga kanina kayo ang unang makakagamit n
ito at
sympre sa susunod pang batch next year gagamitin din nila iyon." she said.
Sus pauso talaga tong school ko, may pababies babies pa pero Karl's school din m
erong
ganyan dati pa, partner nga si Kim at Karl and they almost failed buti nalang at
nandun daw si
Tita Elise to take care of the baby.
Nagsalita pa si Ms. Leslie about the simulated babies at yung goals ng project n
a ito, at yung
mga contents ng isang box for us. She told us the deadline which is after the fi
rst grading exams.
So we really have 8 weeks with the baby wow.
"Mary halika dito." tawag sa akin ni Ms. Leslie kaya I went sa harap, pagitan na
min dalawa yung
table tas binigay niya sa akin yung folder na pinadala niya kanina sa akin "Masa
kit lalamunan
ko kaya ikaw pagtawag at ako mabibigay nung babies." she said. Tas tumayo siya a
t may
inangat na dalawang box at nilapit sa akin, binuksan niya ito at sinilip ko, mga
diapers at damit
bati bote na nasa isang bag na pang baby din. "Ikaw mabibigay nito as you call o
ut their
names ah." she said at she went dun sa may dulo ng table kung nasaan yung mga pi
nadala
niya kaninag malalaking box. "Class tatawagin kayo ni Mary by pairs at dahil mas
maganda
kung may thrill ang class natin, I prepared this." she said tas tinaas niya yung
isang fish bowl na
may mga papel. "Bubunot kayo dito kung ilan ang anak niyo. Maximum of three dahi
l haggang
triplets lang." she smiled and sympre we all protested. Anong klase yun diba. ma
hirap kaya
magalaga ng isa paano pag dalawa or worse tatlo? "Let's start." she said and tin
ulak niya sa
akin yung fish bowl.
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28
uknowulovemary
Ako naman naexcite eto yung mga gusto kong gawin minsan eh, so umupo ako sa tass
ng
table at nasa gilid ko naman yung box, I opened the folder at tinignan yung firs
t couple at
natawa ako for the partnering na ginawa ni Ms. Leslie she knows us best talaga.
"Ariel and Chris." I smiled, sila yung sa batch namin yung may pinakamahabang lo
ve story, since
elementary may crush na si Chris kay Ariel pero sympre pakipot si Ariel. Nagtawa
nan yung iba
dahil sympre nga naging pakipot si Ariel which led na magalit si Chris at ayun l

agi na silang
nagtatalo dalawa. Pinabunot ko na sila at swerte nila dahil isa lang.
The rest goes on. Madaming natuwa sa partnership at madami din nainis dahil hala
tang
nangiinis si Ms. It was a funny day talaga. Tawa kami ng tawa every time na may
makakabunot
ng triplets or twins. Tas minsan nagtatalo pa sa kulay ng anak nila.
Ako na yung next at nagulat pa ako sa nakita kong name pero hindi ko pinahalata
dahil baka
malaman nila yung secret ko na haggang ngayon si Ms. Leslie palang ang nakakaala
m dahil
siya lang yung nasabihan ko ay mali pinilit niya akong aminin dahil nakita niya
akong nagblush
nung first Friday Mass.
Tinignan ko ng masama si Ms. Leslie pero ngumiti lang siya. And urged me to cont
inue so I did
dahil sila din naghihintay pero ayoko talaga kasi mahahalata nilang lahat yung p
artner ko,
obvious naman na yung partnership is arranged according sa crushes or couples.
They were anticipating mine dahil natitira nalang naman na boys na laging nali-l
ink sa akin ay
sila Den at Rey pati si Cyril. I bet they're all betting na si Rey yan pero mali
sila dahil napaka
talaga ni Ms. Leslie. "Mary and Allen." I said. And yeah nagtaka sila kung bakit
.
"Bat hindi si Rey Ms?" tanong ni Paul. "Mas entertaining pag silang dalawa." he
said, yeah mas
entertaining nga!
"Sawa na ako kay Rey bagong mukha naman dapat para kay Mary." she said and I blu
shed.
Lumapit na si Allen "Sino bubunot?" he asked, classmates kami ni Allen first tim
e ko siyang
magiging classmate at crush ko siya. Bakit? Masama bang magka crush? Hindi naman
diba? I
motioned him to pick kaya siya na and luck was on my side dahil isa lang anak na
min.
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Binigay sa amin ni Ms. Leslie yung isang negro na baby, tawa sila ng tawa after
all maputi ako at
si Allen naman medyo lang tas anak namin negro kaya pinalitan agad.
Ang awkward lang dahil sa lahat ng classmate ko hindi ko pa nakakausap si Allen
minsan lang.
After matapos ng pamimigay, it was time for the birth certificate, ang arte lang
talaga. Hiwalay
hiwalay kaming lahat para ifill yung mga kailangan.
Dun kami ni Allen sa bench malapit sa bintana. Nasa bench yung baby kami sa floo
r
nakaupo. "Anong pangalan?" he asked.
"Babae ba?" I asked, kaya tinignan namin kung babae at babae nga. "Ano bang gust
o
mo?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"Ikaw babae kaya ikaw mapili."
"Ehh..." I protested
"Mary Allen." sabi niya
"Ms! Paano yung surname pati yung relationship?" tanong nung isa
"Bahala na kayo, kung gusto niyo married or what. Basta you need a story for it.
" she told us,
dahil hindi lang yung baby yung icecheck after 8 weeks, sabi niya kanina dapat m

ay kwento
kami about sa buhay with the baby para bang basta ang hirap iexplain.
Tinignan ni Allen yung papel namin "Teenage pregnancy?" he asked.
"Ayoko. Sure marami ng ganyan." I said
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"So married?" he said and I nodded nalang. And there we named our baby Mary Alle
n ZobelSantiago.
Nagusap lang kami ni Allen about the baby at paano aalagaan yung baby for 8
weeks, kung kanina kada araw tas bigla nilang kami naging hiwalay na mag-asawa n
a salit salit
sa baby.
Iniwan na kami ni Ms. at babalik siya pag uwian na, pero sa ngayon kami muna at
lahat kami
nageenjoy sa baby namin.
Allen was with Baby Len, nickname ng baby namin, and ako naman ay tahimik lang m
edyo
napagod kasi ako, naglaro kasi muna kami nung nawala si Ms nag habulan, kaya nak
aupo
muna ako, nag ring bigla yung phone ko at tinignan ko kung sino.
Nagulat ako sa tumatawag dahil ang aga niyang tumawag, madaling araw palang sigu
ro dun
kasi 2 palang so mga 12 am palang dun. "Hello?"
"Hey. Are you busy?" Kim asked.
"Wala si Ms. bakit ang aga mong napatawag aren't you supposed to be sleeping?" I
asked.
"I just got home and I might not be able to call later." he said saan naman kaya
ito
nagpunta. "So what are you doing?" he asked.
"Wait saan ka nagpunta?" I asked.
He chuckled "I was in Manhattan." he said "So your turn."
"I have a baby na!" I told him
"What baby?"
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"Duh simulated baby." I told him at nagkwentuhan lang kami ni Kim muna pero pina
tulog ko na
din siya dahil halata sa boses niya yung pagod. I didn't tell him about my partn
er, hindi niya
alam na crush ko yung partner ko kasi magseselos yun at baka bumalik pa yun dito
.
Bumalik si Ms. with juniors helping her with boxes. "Nakalimutan ko yung strolle
r ng babies
niyo." she smiled at pinapila niya kami para sa stroller at yung parang sabitan
ng baby sa
katawan.
Allen and I decided na sa akin muna si Baby Len for this week, araw araw dapat d
ala namin
siya kundi may deduction.
Our Home Ec project is actually interesting. 8 weeks with Baby Len and Allen.
Real Deal
Malapit na matapos yung project namin sa Home Ec, today would be the last day of
our final
exams, I didn't study for the exams, didn't even open my books to study. I was t
oo occupied
playing with Baby Len, nakakatuwa kasi yung baby na yun. Ang galing galing lang.
Naging
bata ulit ako sa project namin. Even my cousins played with me. We were too abso

rbed with the


simulated baby.
But I did fine with my exams, madali lang naman yung exams eh. Tomorrow we'll be
graded na
for the project then wala ng pasok until Monday. And sa Monday second grading na
namin.
Ang bilis ng panahon.
Dahil nga medyo naging absorbed ako with Baby Len at madami din akong ginawa hin
di ko na
masyado nakakausap si Kim ganun din naman si Kim naging busy na siya kaya ayun h
indi na
talaga, minsan twice a week nalang at tuwing Sunday lang minsan.
Naging close ako kay Allen dahil sa project na ito, kasi sumunod na araw after i
bigay sa amin
yung project kinuha niya yung number ko at lagi kaming naguusap, una tungkol lan
g sa baby
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pero time passed by at ayun ang dami na namin pinaguusapan everyday. Siya na yun
g kausap
ko araw araw.
We've grown close pero hindi naman ako isang assumera na iisipin na may somethin
g sa amin ni
Allen dahil sympre may girlfriend yung tao at isa pa wala naman talaga akong dap
at iassume,
crush ko lang naman yung tao dahil gwapo siya. Pero wala na talaga.
"Kain tayo sa labas?" pagaaya ni Chelsea sa akin, she's my best friend sa school
at nasa iba
siyang section kasi ngayong year pinaghiwalayhiwalay na kaming batch, kung dati
first year to
third year block kami ngayon iniba na nila, dahil nga masyado daw kaming naging
China (The
closed door policy).
Nasa tapat kami ng classroom ko dahil I was still waiting for my adviser na mata
pos yung
pagche-check ng room kung maayos na, leader kasi ako ng cleaners for this week k
aya
kailangan kong maghintay for my adviser.
"Tinawag ako ni Ms. Leslie kanina eh, sabi niya akyat daw ako sa lab." I told he
r. "Magchecheck
ako ng test sama ka?" I asked her, minsan nalang kaming magsama samang group dah
il
sympre hindi na kami classmates kaya naiiba tas hindi ko sila kasabay na mag rec
ess or lunch,
ibang section kasabay ko.
"Intayin ka nalang namin sa labas." she said, sympre aayaw niyang mga yan na mag
check ng
test papers. I nodded then entered the room kasi tinawag na ako ni Ms. Ryn. Chel
sea waved
goodbye to me at umalis na din siya.
Paakyat na ako sa lab kasi sinamahan ko pa si Ms. Ryn pababa ng faculty, ayun ng
a paakyat
na ako nung nakasalubong ko si Allen at Den na magkasama. Nasa may hagdan kami
nagkasalubong kaya natigil kami dun sa gitna.
"Saan ka pupunta?" tanong sa akin ni Den, kumakain siya ng Cornetto at naiinggit
ako.
"Sa taas." I said habang nakatingin parin sa ice cream ni Den.
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Siguro napansin ni Allen na nakatingin ako kaya inoffer niya yung isa niyang dal
a. "Gusto
mo?" he asked.
Sympre naman nahihiya naman akong kunin lang yung binili niya pero sympre inagaw
ni Den at
binigay na sa akin. Makakahindi pa ba ako kung binigay na nila sa akin? So I ope
ned my ice
cream with a smile at alam kong nakatingin sila sa akin. Dun ko lang naisip na m
adami akong
test papers na ichecheck at hindi lang ang mga fourth year kundi pati third year
s.
"Sama kayo?" I asked. "Check tayo ng test papers." I said.
Si Den parang si Flash talaga dahil biglang nasa may baba na siya "Len una na ak
o. Bye
Mary!" he said at tumakbo pa pababa.
Si Allen naman napakamot sa ulo niya, halatang mapipilitan siyang sumama sa akin
. "Kung
ayaw mo ok lang." sabi ko "Tutal binigyan niyo na ako ng ice cream. Ayos lang sa
nay na
naman akong mag-isang mag check."
"Ah hindi tara samahan na kita." he said at nauna ng umakyat.
This is what you call reverse psychology!
Ayun nag check kami ng mga papers ng third year dahil tapos na yung sa amin, kun
g hindi pa
pinaalala ni Ms. Leslie yung baby baka nakalimutan ko na siya! Naiwan ko pala yu
ng baby sa
classroom.
"Ayy may deduction yan. Sinong magulang ang makakalimot sa anak. Tsk. Tsk." Sabi
ni Ms.
Leslie sa akin, tumakbo pababa si Allen para sa baby, siguro kukunin pa niya yun
g susi sa faculty
ulit. Kawawa naman yung baby.
?
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The next day, wala na akong ibang dalang gamit kundi yung baby at yung mga ibang
project
na ipapasa ngayon. Pasahan kasi ngayon.
We were assembled sa great hall para sa pagbibigay ng project.
Physics yung nauna kaya, we all passed our project, sunod naman yung sa Math na
worksheet
lang, the rest goes haggang sa Home Ec na.
Hinuli talaga nila yung Home Ec kasi we are to tell them our story.
Last pa kami ni Allen dahil yung sinunod na sequence ay yung pagbibigay ko ng ba
bies before.
Nagkwentuhan lang kami sa likod ni Allen at nung iba pa dahil ang boring nung mg
a nasa
harap. Tama nga hula ko at ginamit nila yung teenage pregnancy.
"Kamusta na pala si Kim?" tanong sa akin ni Gael, isa siya sa mga haggang ngayon
classmate
ko pa rin at sympre being my classmates before kilala nilang lahat si Kim. Sa ng
ayon kong
classmates hindi pa nila kialla si Kim kunti lang nakakakilala sa kanya talaga.
"Buhay pa." I said.
"Siya ba yung dati na kasama mo nung nagpunta ka sa school nung summer?" Allen a
sked.
Hindi ko naman maalala yung sinasabi niya eh. "Yung may training kami tas kinaus
ap mo si

Sir." he reminded me. Ahh that day, nagpasa ako nun ng short story ko at bigla a
kong tinawag
ni Sir Raymond.
"Hindi naman siya pumasok sa loob nun ah." I said.
"Sinundan ka nila Riley at nakita kang nakasakay sa isang bmw." Pagkukwento niya
.
"Oh? Hindi ko alam yan ah." sabi ko. "Pero ou siya nga yung Kim."
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"Naku Allen ang sweet ni Kim diyan kay Mary. Spoiled na spoiled." sabat ni Mandy
.
"Boyfriend mo ba yun Mary?" tanong ni Tony.
"Hindi ah." sagot ko naman.
"Denial queen talaga tong babaeng to." sabi ni Chelsea, nasa likod ko pala sila.
"Sila na nun." she
said.
"Oy hindi ah!"
Natigil kaming lahat sa pagkukwentuhan nung turn na namin ni Allen. We presented
our family
to be a broken family but in the end for the sake of the child nagkabalikan kami
dahil ang
pangit for an infant na agad ng sira yung pamilya niya.
Kami lang ata yung broken family style ewan ko dahil hindi naman ako nakinig kan
ina eh.
Isa isang sinabi ni Ms. Leslie yung grade namin at napatalon ako dahil we receiv
ed 98 nagjoke
pa si Ms. na kung hindi daw namin nakalimutan si Baby Len kahapon 100 kami. Isa
kami sa
highest. At dahil sa tuwa napayakap ako kay Allen at naghiyawan yung mga tao eve
n Ms.
Leslie parang kinilig, si Ms. Ryn naman a grim face.
Sympre humiwalay na din agad ako. And said sorry.
Our class decided to celebrate dahil sa buong seniors nasa amin yung mga highest
, kaya we
decided na kumain sa labas.
We looked for a table first at nung meron na sasama sana ako sa mga bibili kaso
sabi ni Allen
libre na daw niya ako kaya ayun nakaupo lang ako, kasama sila Gael at Mandy.
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"Ikaw ahh. Chansing ka kanina kay Allen." pang aasar ni Gael, silang dalawa lang
yung
nakakaalam tungkol sa pagkacrush ko kay Allen not even Chelsea knows about it ka
si maka
Kim yun at baka magalit bigla.
"Hindi ko naman sinasadya eh!" I said.
"Kahit na." Sabi ni Mandy "Pero kamusta yung feeling nung niyakap mo?" she asked
excitedly.
I smiled nung naalala ko yung kanina ewan ko pero feeling ko namula yung mukha k
o "Kakaiba
basta naramdaman ko niyakap niya din ako eh!" I said na kilig na kilig.
"Nakita ko yun! Yung kamay niya!" Sabi ni Mandy.
"Hindi ko nakita kasi kinilig ako sa ginawa mo." sabi ni Gael.
"Hoy babae, ang daming binili ni Allen na pagkain ah!" biglang sabi ni Ella na m
ay dala dalang
tray ng food niya. Umupo na siya.
"So?" I said.
"Ikaw ah!" she said "Ang kuripot mo at ang dami mong pinabili kay Allen."

"Uy sabi ko lang kahit ano!" I protested.


Dumating na din si Allen at umupo sa tapat ko and handed me my foods, ang dami n
ga, may
chicken at spaghetti na may fries at burger pa. "Thanks." nahihiya kong sabi.
"Ikaw pa."
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uknowulovemary
We all ate happily, siguro after ng two hours nagsimula na kaming magdisperse, k
akatext ko
lang sa sundo ko na sunduin ako. Kasi sabi ko kanina tatawag nalang ako pagsusun
duin na ako
dahil walang exact time yung dismissal ngayon.
"Saan ka?" nagulat ako sa nagtanong akala ko kasi nakaalis na siya.
"Ahh babalik ako sa school." sabi ko dun nalang ako maghihintay sa lounge para m
as safe
ako. "Kaw?" I asked.
"Wala ka pang sundo?" he asked without answering my question.
I shook my head. "Sige balik na ako sa school." sabi ko at lumabas na.
"Samahan na kita." he said at wala na akong nagawa pa.
Sinamahan niya akong maghintay sa lounge at kwentuhan lang kami habang naghihint
ay.
Siguro mga 30 minutes din yung paghihintay.
Nalaman ko lang nung tinawag ako ni Cyril "Bes andun na si Manong Rod." sabi niy
a sa akin at
biglang tingin kay Allen at nagnod lang siya.
Tumayo na ako at ganun din si Allen "Sige una na ako. Thanks sa pagsama." I said
at lumapit na
kay Cyril na kinuha yung shoulder bag ko at siya nagbuhat. "Bye ingat sa paguwi.
" I said.
"Ikaw din." sabi niya.
At naglakad na kami ni Cyril papunta sa kotse, "Anong meron at magkasama kayo ni
Allen?" he
asked. Cyril is one of my closest guy friend, before he ranked as my second best
friend pero
sympre dumating si Kim so naging pang third siya.
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"Sinamahan niya lang ako maghintay. Bakit?" I asked.
He just shrugged "Napapadalas ata ah."
I poked him sa may tagiliran niya "Uy nagseselos si best friend." I said teasing
ly.
"Sympre naman!" he said at inakbayan niya ako at naglakad na ulit kami "Sige ing
at ka." he
said nung nasa tapat na namin yung kotse, si Manong pinaandar na yung kotse at s
i Cyril
binuksan na yung pinto ng kotse.
"Bye Cy." I said at pumasok na ako.
Kinuha ko agad yung phone ko sa bulsa ng palda ko at nakitang madaming nagtext,
nakalimutan ko to kanina nung kasama ko si Allen. Mga GM lang naman kasi to eh.
I received a text from Allen.
From: Allen Santiago :)
ingat pauwi.
I smiled sa text niya kahit simple lang. And just like that nagring yung phone k
o at tumatawag si
Kim kaya sinagot ko ito. And I told him my day well except for the part that I h
ugged Allen and
that he made my legs go weak.
Kim's Birthday

Today would be Kim's birthday. Kakauwi ko lang galing sa school at sa mall kasi
bumili pa ako ng
cake at foods na favorite ni Kim para sa birthday party niya pati na din mga par
ty poppers.
Hindi ko man kasama si Kim ngayon, gusto ko parin na bigyan siya ng isang birthd
ay party.
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uknowulovemary
Tinulungan ako ni Yaya na ayusin yung kwarto ko, habang ako naman inaayos ko yun
g pagcoconnect
ng tv at ng internet pati na din yung video camera. Maya maya darating na din si
Karl
at we'll celebrate Kim's birthday.
Nung maayos na yung lahat sa kwarto ko, may banner pa nga na nilagay si Yaya bet
ween ng
dalawang pillars ng kwarto ko, at yung iba pang party poppers nakalapag lang lik
e the hats.
Yung mga foods nasa center table naman.
Parang hindi party ni Kim kasi pink. Sympre naman ako ang nag plan kaya pink siy
a.
I connected na yung video call to Kim at within a minute sinagot niya, medyo bag
ong gising
lang siya kaya sabi niya mag-aayos lang siya.
After 10 minutes bumalik si Kim. "Mary una na ako ah." sabi ni Yaya "Happy birth
day
Kim." pagbati niya kay Kim.
Ngumiti naman si Kim kay Yaya "Thanks ya." he said at ayun umalis na si Yaya.
"Happy birthday. Wala pa si Karl kaya mamaya na yung pagblow ng candles ah." sab
i ko sa
kanya.
"Thank you." he said.
"Anong plano mo diyan ngayon?" I asked him.
"Mom asked me to go to New York for today." he answered. Nasa New York kasi yung
pamilya ni
Kim while nasa Rhode Island siya.
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uknowulovemary
Nagusap lang muna kami habang wala pa si Karl. Pinakita ko sa kanya yung mga foo
ds at yung
cake "Oh right nakuha mo na ba yung regalo ko?" I asked him. I bought him kasi o
nline ng isang
Cartier na watch, mom's credit card of course. Nagpaalam naman ako kay mom.
He smiled tas tumayo siya at may kinuha sa drawer ng bedside table niya "Here."
he smiled
nung pinakita niya yung box ng Cartier. "I like the card more." he said as he wi
ggled out the
card from his hand.
Nakasulat kasi sa card ay With love, Mary Zobel xo.
Karl came at nagusap pa sila ni Kim, nagkwento pa si Karl kay Kim ng mga chismis
about high
school friends nila. Parang hindi sila naguusap eh, lagi din yang dalawa nag-uus
ap.
Pinalo ko na si Karl para sa cake, sinindihan na niya yung candles at ngumiti na
man ako kay Kim,
si Kim ayun nakangiti lang din.
"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Ian, happy bi
rthday to
you." Karl and I sang the birthday song.

Hawak hawak ko yung cake at nilapit ko pa sa may tv "Blow na." I told him at he
closed his eyes
at sabay kaming nagblow. Kumain lang kami ni Karl ng carbonara at cake habang si
Kim
kinakain niya ay oatmeal and a dragon fruit.
We laughed and talked at the same time, it was a good day. Masaya ako kasi kahit
papano
napasaya ko si Kim. The idea of this kind of party came from way back, I also pl
anned a party
like this before para kay Louie. Nung birthday niya kasi nasa Singapore sila kay
a kami nila Cass
na naiwan ay nag-prepare ng party para sa amin at kanya.
At ayun nung naalala ko na pwede ko din gawin yun kay Kim, ginawa ko na. Kim's a
way at
hindi naman basta basta yung lugar kung nasaan si Kim, I cannot go and throw him
a party
kaya through the internet nalang diba.
Karl had to go dahil may gagawin pa siya. So kami nalang ni Kim yung naiwan. I w
as lying on
the floor while eating the remaining cake at nakaharap sa tv, kinakausap lang si
Kim.
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uknowulovemary
"Ou nga pala Kim nagkita na ba kayo ni Phat sa New York?" I asked him, Phat is c
urrently in New
York for her advancde subjects. Malapit na din ang pagkuha niya ng SATs kaya her
parents
decided na dun na siya magaral sa New York instead of being home schooled. Of co
urse Phat
is studying at a very expensive prep school in Manhattan.
"No, but I saw Claire." he said. Claire is also studying sa New York, same schoo
l as Phat daw.
"Sabi pala ni mama baka daw sa New York kami magspend ng Thanksgiving." sabi ko
sa kanya,
mom got invited kasi to one of her foreign friends para sa Thanksgiving, ang aga
aga palang
pero they invited her. Mom is still thinking about it dahil nga may pasok kami.
"Then you can join our dinner right?" he asked. And I nodded.
Napatingin ako sa portrait sa dingding, it was me and Louie, kuha yun nung birth
day ko last year,
ang ganda gandang tignan nung litrato kasi napakasaya ko pa nun, ang saya saya k
o pa, ang
saya pa namin nila Louie at lalong lalo na hindi ko pa alam na mawawala siya sa
akin.
Siguro napansin ni Kim na nakatulala ako kaya tinawag na niya ako, good thing hi
ndi nakikita ni
Kim kung ano yung tinitignan ko.
"Can I ask you about him?" he asked. And for a fact I knew naintindihan niya kun
g bakit ako
nakatulala kanina, he knew where I was looking, siguro nga kabisado na niya yung
kwarto ko.
Pero dapat ba akong magkwento kay Kim? Lalo't na birthday niya pa ngayon. "It's
your
birthday Kim. Sure ka bang gusto mong mag-usap tayo tungkol sa kanya?" I asked.
"I am. You never talked about him." he said. Right. Kahit kailan hindi ako nagkw
ento tungkol kay
Louie. The only thing Kim knew about Louie was that Louie is my first love and h
e's gone now. At
siguro mga trivial things nalang. Pero kahit kailan hindi ako nagopen ng topic t

ungkol kay Louie.


Kasi haggang ngayon nasasaktan ako.
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uknowulovemary
I sighed deeply. "Anong gusto mong malaman?" I asked, it's his birthday after al
l.
"Why do you love him so much?" hindi ko inaasahan yung tanong ni Kim. siguro ito
ang mga
tanong na kahit kailan hindi ko makakalimutan dahil kahit pagbaliktarin mo pa yu
ng tanong na
yan, iisa lang ang sagot.
Dahil siya si Louie.
Pero hindi pa naman ako ganun kasama para sabihin yung totoo kong sagot na kaya
ko mahal
na mahal si Louie dahil siya si Louie, simple as that no need for more explanati
on.
"Si Louie kasi yung unang tao kong pinagkatiwalan." I answered. Totoo naman ang
sinabi ko eh,
Louie was the first person I trusted. "Siya yung una kong naging kaibigan." I sa
id. "Although mas
nauna kong nakilala si Phat, si Louie ang una kong naging kaibigan. Nung bata pa
lang kasi ako
believe it or not mahiyain talaga ako...."
"I know you are." Kim said.
"So yeah hindi ako nakikipagusap kahit kanino, I remembered na gusto akong ipa-c
heck up ni
papa, kasi daw I was showing signs na isa akong introvert. I'm not an introvert
by the way, pero
kahit bata palang ako nahihirapan na talaga akong magtiwala." I continued with m
y story
telling. "I was easily bullied because of my skin and hair and that's when I met
Louie." I smiled at
the memory.
He was such a sweet boy.
"And he was the first person who I allowed to enter my world. He was my prince."
I told Kim.
"You love him because he was the first person you trusted?" Kim asked.
"Parang ganun na nga." I said.
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"If he was still alive would I have a chance with you?" He asked, I guess eto ta
laga yung gusto
niyang malaman.
I couldn't lie to him. Hindi ko kayang magsinungaling sa kanya dahil kahit hindi
ko sagutin yung
tanong niya alam na din niya yung sagot.
"Wala." I honestly said and I saw how his expression changed. I wished na hindi
ko siya
sinasaktan lalo na ngayon pero he asked for this. "Wala. Kasi all my life alam k
ong si Louie na.
Kung buhay man siya alam kong sa huli kami din." I told him at isa pa
Wala because by Christmas that year he would have confessed his feelings and we
would be
together and you would have been a week late.
Hindi ko sinabi yun dahil alam kong mas masakit yun. But it was the truth that I
later found out.
Nalaman ko dahil sa mga sulat niya sa akin, I learned his plans a little too lat
e.

"Bakit mo natanong Kim? Would you still continue if he was alive?" I asked him.
He smiled weakly. "I would rather want him alive than dead cause it's so much ea
sier having to
compete with someone alive than someone who isn't here anymore." he murmured per
o narinig
ko parin and I knew what he meant.
Alam kong nasasaktan siya kasi pakiramdam niya lagi siyang nakikipagkompetensya
kay Louie
which is undeniably true. Siguro isa yan sa mga sinabi ni Kim na hinding hindi k
o makakalimutan
kasi isa yan sa mga bagay na makakaalala sa akin na lagi ko siyang nasasaktan.
Dahil ayoko ng masaktan pa si Kim, I pretended not to hear it and changed the to
pic to
somewhat livelier. Ayoko naman talagang pinaguusapan si Louie lalo na ngayon na
malapit na
yung death anniversary niya at ang birthday niya.
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"Happy birthday ulit Kim. Enjoy your day." I said goodbye dahil madami pa din ak
ong gagawin
para sa ngayong araw.
Pinaayos ko na din kay Yaya yung kwarto ko while I went towards my closet to get
his
things. Nung nakaalis na si Yaya, I jumped to my bed and started opening the tin
box that
contained his letters for me. And everything about him.
I started reading every single letter and also his journals.
I miss him so much. I miss my best friend so much.
Shoulder to lean on
Saturday ngayon at grade deliberation ngayon, pati na din yung ranking. Si Yaya
yung kasama
kong kumuha nung grade dahil sympre busy si mom and dad. Si Yaya naman palagi ka
ya wala
ng bago dun.
Kulang na nga lang pati guardian ko si Yaya na nakasulat kaysa kay mom eh. But w
hatever.
Nagpunta na kami ni Yaya sa school, as expected hindi na kami pumunta ni Yaya sa
PTC
meeting, my mom is the parent teacher council president dahil I won nung first y
ear ako as the
title beholder kaya nanalo din si mom and that was being the four year president
ng council.
It's surprising nga na hindi pa nadi-dismiss si mom sa council eh, lagi naman si
yang wala eh pero
minsan nagpupunta siya pag may meeting lang kasama yung principal that is.
We walked inside the building and I stopped dun sa posting ng overall and I thin
k my whole
body froze. Hindi ko alam kung nananaginip lang ba ako o hindi pero sobra akong
nagulat na
naiiyak na din ako.
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
Wala yung pangalan ko.
Napansin kong tinignan ni Yaya yung posting tas tumingin siya sa akin "Baka nagk
amali lang
yan." she said pero we all know na hindi nagkakamali yan. That piece of paper wa
s thoroughly
checked by the committee.

Paanong nangyaring wala ako? I was the Top 3 nung third year. I was running for
Salutatorian.
Parang ayoko ng umakyat sa classroom and face Ms. Ryn at paano ko din kakausapin
si Ms.
Raquel? Pero pinilit ako ni Yaya na umakyat. Ayoko sanang pumasok pero pinapasok
ako ni Ms.
Ryn, I saw how disappointed she was.
Pinalabas niya muna yung iba kong classmates na tumatambay lang, Riley patted me
sa
shoulder bago siya lumabas.
Pinaupo na kami ni Ms. Ryn at nakayuko lang ako nung binigay niya yung grade ko
kay
Yaya. "Nakita mo na ba yung posting?" she asked me. Tumango lang ako pero hindi
parin ako
makatingin sa kanya sa sobrang hiya ko "Lahat ng grades mo bumaba Mary. You rank
ed top 11
overall." she said.
Pero ano pang saysay nung top 11 ngayon na bago na yung regulation about sa hono
r roll? Na
haggang top 10 nalang yung makakasama sa honor roll?
"Sinabihan na kita na take this year seriously. Sinabihan na kita dahil isa ka s
a mga running for
valedictorian Mary. You could have been the top 1 ngayon lalo na kung COS ka par
in." Ms. Ryn
lectured. I didn't know I was running for valedictorian ang alam ko salutatorian
yun pero not
valedictorian. Kung alam ko lang.....
"Ms. Leslie tried to savage your grade, pati na din ako with the other teachers
mo pero Mary you
have how many new teachers? They don't know you still. Wala ka daw participation
sa class,
lagi daw kayong nagkukwentuhan ni Riley sa likod. What's happening may problem b
a sa
bahay?"
A Little Help from Destiny
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I shook my head "I'm very disappointed Mary. Nilagay kita sa class na to dahil I
have great
expectations." she said. Alam ko naman yun eh, simula nung nalaman kong adviser
ko siya
alam ko na mataas na ang expectations niya sa akin. I felt pressured dahil ayoko
siyang madisappoint
sa akin pero ngayon eto ang ginawa ko.
I looked at her "Babawi nalang po ako ngayon." I said.
"Mary disqualified na yung mga hindi nakasama sa top 10." she said.
"Pero top 11 naman po diba ako? Kaya ko naman bawiin yun. Mataas yung extra cocu
rricular
ko, yung acad naman Ms. kaya kong bawiin agad yun. Babawi ako Ms." I cried. Hind
i
ko kasi alam na matatanggal ako. All my years na pag-aaral would be wasted.
Hindi ako makakaakyat sa graduation to grab a medal of my own. Makukuha ko lang
diploma
pati loyalty award. How could that happen? Ang dami kong nakuha nung third year
ako, tas
ngayon masasayang lang dahil sa kababayaan ko.
"May dalawa pa naman grading Ms eh kayang kaya ko pang bumawi."
"Ayun nga Mary, dalawa nalang yung grading period. Second grading na and that's
the
regulation, alam mong first grading ang qualifiers, not second but first. Wala n

a tayong
magagawa. Just do well sa mga subjects na angat ka sa iba. And I'll talk to the
principal about
your grades kung kakayanin mong bumalik then I'll do what I can. I promised Ms.
Raquel na
akong bahala sayo ngayon." she said.
Matagal din natapos yung pag-uusap namin, paglabas namin ni Yaya, nandun yung mg
a
parents naghihintay. Niyakap ako ni Gael nung nakita siguro niya yung mata ko. A
t siguro nakita
na nila yung posting.
Dapat aalis kami ngayon nila Chelsea pero nawalan ako sa mood at gusto ko lang u
miyak sa
bahay. Umalis na din kami ni Yaya at nung nasa sasakyan na kami, pinabili ko mun
a si Yaya ng
ice cream kasi hindi ko na kaya yung kalungkutan ko. Nagmadali naman bumili si Y
aya.
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
Ako naman pumasok na sa loob at agad kong tinawagan si Kim. And when he answered
hindi
pa siya nakakapagsalita umiyak na ako sa kanya, tahimik lang yung linya at ako l
ang yung
umiiyak. Iyak lang ako ng iyak dahil sa nangyari.
Hindi parin kasi ako makapaniwala sa nangyari. Kasi yung pinaghirapan kong maabo
t nawala
lang na parang bula.
Nakabili na si Yaya at nung nakita niya akong umiiyak binigay niya agad sa akin
tas tahimik lang
sila ni Manong habang ako kumakain ng ice cream at umiiyak kay Kim sa phone.
"What's wrong Mary?" Kim finally asked me.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin kay Kim. I know he'd be disappointed in me
too. Alam
ko yun. Kasi when I told him about the UPCAT, na hindi ko sineryoso yung test he
told me I should
had.
"Wala na ako sa top." I said.
"How did that happen?" Kim asked, he was astonished with what I just said.
"Diba sabi ko naman sayo tinatamad ako...."
"I told you to study Mary--"
"Please Kim, hindi ko kailangan yung lecture mo ngayon. Kailangan ko ng masasand
alan.
Please wag muna ngayon yung I told you so. Pwede bang umiyak nalang muna ako say
o?" I
cried and he then let me. He then played the piano and I listened as I calmed do
wn.
?
A Little Help from Destiny
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Monday, my eyes were swollen from crying for two days, mom still don't know abou
t my grades
at hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na wala na ako sa top. I don't
want to
disappoint them both.
Tahimik lang din ako sa classroom, hindi ako nagsasalita at pag recess hindi ako
lumabas ng
classroom, nakaupo lang ako with my head rested on my desk. They all tried to ta
lk to me pero

hindi ko sila lahat pinansin.


They might think na sobra kong madrama sa ginagawa ko pero kasi I am a disappoin
tment. It's
so embarrassing to face them all. I was one of the student na running for the va
ledictorian or
even the salutatorian spot pero eto ako ni wala sa top 10.
Top 11.
Lunch dun ako niyaya nila Gael kaya sumama na ako sa kanina, we ate in silence o
r ako lang
yung tahimik? Nauna na akong natapos kaya sabi ko babalik na ako ng room, pababa
ako
nung nakasalubong ko si Ms. Raquel.
Nung Saturday I decided na kailangan hindi kami magkita ni Ms. Raquel kasi I don
't watn to see
her being disappointed in me. I promised her before that I'll do my best this ye
ar, na I will make
sure na aakyat ako sa stage not as the first honorable mention but a salutatoria
n.
But again isa siya sa mga nadisappoint ko.
And just like that, she lectured me with things. Sobra na akong naiiyak pero pin
igilan ko. Her last
words were that she was very very disappointed in me. Umalis na ako na umiiyak,
pumasok ako
ng classroom na umiiyak, walang tao sa room dahil yung group ng cleaners for thi
s week ayaw
na may pumapasok tuwing lunch sa classroom.
Dun ako umiyak. Naramdaman ko nalang na may pumasok pero hindi ko inangat yung u
lo ko. I
tried not to make a sound nalang.
A Little Help from Destiny
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"Mary?" Allen's voice called. Ramdam kong umupo siya sa upuan ni Riley "Mary?" t
awag niya ulit
while patting my back. "Ayos ka lang?" he asked and I shook my head. "Yaan mo ma
kakabawi
ka din." I shook my head again.
"Galit sa akin si Ms. Raquel." I said between my sobs.
"Hindi yun. At yaan mo siya nandito naman kami para sayo eh." he said and he tri
ed to lift my
head pero I put pressure sa ulo ko still naangat niya, he weakly smiled before h
ugging me. "Sige
lang iyak ka muna habang wala pang tao pero pag may pumasok na bawal ka ng umiya
k ah.
Hindi ko man mapapangako na magiging maayos din ang lahat, masasabi ko lang hind
i mo na
kailangan maging malungkot nandito kaming lahat, nandito ako."
I stayed in Allen's arm for I don't know how many minutes, alam ko din na may pu
masok na sa
classroom at pinabayaan lang nila akong umiyak kay Allen. Lumapit na din sila El
la at sila Tony.
Si Tony ginulo yung buhok ko "Tama na iyak lalo kang pumapanget eh." he teased.
"Tama na chansing kay Allen." sabi ni Tina.
I laughed softly at pinunasan ni Ella yung mga luha ko.
Kahit man nawala ako sa top, naramdaman ko yung pagiging close ko sa mga bago ko
ng
classmates. Akala ko hindi na ako magiging close sa kanilang lahat pero eto sila
ng lahat they
were comforting me. Sila Tony at Ran nasa may platform at nagpapatawa. Allen was
my by

side. Ella giving me tissues. And the others giving me encouraging looks.
They were all my shoulders to lean on. And I'm so glad they're my classmates.
Louie's Birthday
A Little Help from Destiny
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Today would be Louie's birthday. Last year lang nandito pa siya at we celebrated
his birthday
through the internet. Nasa Singapore kasi sila nung mga panahon na iyon. Siguro
nung mga
panahon na iyon akala ko kaya sila nasa Singapore was to celebrate his birthday
ayun pala
nasa Singapore sila kasi they were asking for options.
On mid-August, Louie was diagnosed with brain aneurysm, hindi niya sinabi sa aki
n, sa amin,
tinago nila ni Lani yung sikretong iyon. Walang nakakaalam na may sakit siya, ti
nago niya and
he was alone facing that illness, wala siyang mahahawakan dahil wala siyang pina
gsabihan.
I decided na pumunta kay Louie ngayon, I haven't visited him for quite some time
now. Nauna
ako kahit sinabi nila Skye na sasamahan nila ako today. Pero ayoko dahil gusto k
o ako lang, it's
my day with Louie. Mine alone.
Naglakad na ako papunta kay Louie, I brought his favorite snacks and a bouquet o
f white lilies,
umupo na ako sa grass and placed the bouquet sa may headstone. I read the epitap
h.
"Music, when soft voices die, vibrates in the memory." - Percy Shelley
Your love will light my way, your memory will ever be with me.
In loving memory of Louie Francisco Salazar
September 26, 1994 - November 6, 2009
"Happy birthday Louie." I greeted him and smiling brightly dahil alam kong gusto
niya na
nakangiti ako pag binati ko siya. "Happy birthday." I said again.
I opened the box of doughnuts and placed one piece na may candle sa isang paper
plate,
nilagay ko ito sa may lapag lang while I opened the cup of coffee. "Ayan. Sabi m
o dati ayaw
mo ng cake." I said. "Sabi mo sa next mong birthday dapat may doughnut kasi naka
limutan
namin nila Cass yung doughnut. So eto may doughnut na." I said as I let my tears
fall. "Ayan na
may doughnut na pwede bang bumalik na ka na?" I cried.
Hinayaan ko lang yung sarili kong umiyak ngayon, sobra ko kasing namimiss si Lou
ie. Sobra sobra
na misan naiisip ko kung tama bang maging masaya ako habang wala naman siya sa t
abi ko.
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uknowulovemary
I stayed there for a while, nakaupo lang ako dun at nakatingin sa puntod niya. I
talked to him,
nagkwento lang ako ng mga bagay sa kanya.
Kinuha ko naman yung isa sa mga journals niya and read it aloud.
September 26, 2009
Can I just have one wish? Just one. I don't want to die. I don't want to leave h
er alone, I
made a promise to her and I can't break that promise because if I would, she wou
ld always believe

that promises are meant to be broken. I can't let her believe those words becaus
e it isn't meant to be
broken. I can't leave her when I know it would hurt her so much. One wish. Just
one. It's my
birthday so can I just have one wish? Can you still give me my one wish? I know
I'm meant to die,
I know it's inevitable so my one wish would be about her, can you promise me she
'll be happy? That's all
I wish, her happiness, don't take it away from her.
When Louie died, binigay sa akin ni Lani yung ibang mga gamit ni Louie na gusto
daw ni Louie
na mapunta sa akin. And that included his journals. Gabi gabi noon binabasa ko l
ahat ng
nakasulat sa journal niya kasi dun niya sinusulat yung mga hinanakit niya, yung
paghihirap niya.
Dun nakasulat kung gaano niya gustong sabihin sa akin pero hindi niya magawa dah
il alam
niyang hindi ko matatanggap yun. Na sobra akong masasaktan.
October 10, 2009
It's Mary's birthday, I gave her a journal, I wanted her to write everything she
's feeling into
that journal so that even if I will soon leave her, she would feel I'm still bes
ide her and listening to
everything she has to say. Today I threw her a surprise party because I don't kn
ow if I could still be
here during her next birthday, I wanted her to celebrate it with me and I badly
wanted to tell her
everything. I just wanted to tell her so that I don't need to make up lies in fr
ont of her. But how
can I even think of telling her during her birthday? How could I think about mys
elf and not her? I
can't ever tell her because I know her so much. I know her so much that I'm so a
fraid of leaving her
alone.
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May magbabago kaya kung sinabi sa akin ni Louie? Ayan lagi kong tanong sa sarili
ko may
magbabago ba? Siguro wala pero alam ko gagaan ang loob niya. Kasi hindi na siya
nag-iisa.
Pero hindi ko nalaman. Hindi ko man nahulaan na may sakit siya.
Diba dapat pag best friend mo alam mo kung anong meron sa isang tingin pero ako
hindi ko
man nalaman, siguro nga magaling magtago si Louie still dapat alam ko yun, yung
simpleng
sakit ng ulo dapat hindi ko binalewala dati.
Siguro mga hapon na nung dumating sila Lani, niyakap ako ni Lani at ganun din si
la, nag group
hug kami and umupo na din sila, kulang lang sa amin ngayon si Phat. Nagbonding k
ami sa
harap ni Louie, and we all talked about old times.
How silly we were. How lucky we were to have Louie as our friend.
We all said goodbye to Louie at nagpasya ng umuwi, we decided to have a sleepove
r at Lani's
place. Kaya ayun we went there kasabay ko si Lani sa kotse ko dahil bago lang si
Manong Rod
at hindi pa niya alam yung place nila Lani at ako naman nahihirapan mag explain
pag
directions na.

"Kamusta na si Kim?" Lani asked.


"Busy sa school." I said.
"Won't you ever give him a chance?" nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Lani.
"I chose him didn't I?" I said.
"Pero hindi mo naman siya hinahayaan na magkalugar diyan sa puso mo." Lani said.
"Puro si
Louie nalang. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na kalimutan mo na yung kakambal ko, kahit
kailan
hindi ko hihilingin sayo iyon pero sana Mary wag mong kalimutan na pwede pang bu
ksan yang
puso mo." she said. Bakit ba niya to sinasabi ngayon? Hindi ko din siya maintind
ihan
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uknowulovemary
"Bakit mo to sinasabi Lani?" I asked her.
"Nakausap ko kasi si Phat nakausap daw niya si Kim at he asked her about Louie.
Alam mo ba
sa pagkukwento ni Phat, mararamdaman mo parin yung awa niya kay Kim dahil Kim sa
id na
sobra siyang nahihirapan makipagkompetensya kay Louie." She said.
"Ayoko naman na masaktan si Kim eh kaya nga haggang ngayon hindi ko pa siya sina
sagot eh.
Dahil ayokong masaktan siya."
"Ayun lang ba talaga ang reason mo Mary? Na kaya ayaw mo dahil masasaktan mo siy
a o
may iba pa?" She asked.
At dun naalala ko yung paguusap namin dati ni Cyril about Kim.
"Bakit haggang ngayon hindi mo pa siya sinasagot kung siya na pala yung perfect
boyfriend
material?" Cyril asked me.
He knew the answer, pero mas gusto niyang sabihin ko ito, na lalabas ito galing
sa bibig ko.
Hindi man ako umarte na nag-iisip pa ng sagot dahil mabilis ko siyang sinagot. "
Because he's not
Louie." Na kahit gaano kaperpekto ni Kim kung hindi naman siya si Louie ano pang
saysay?
It will always be Louie.
"It would always be your twin Lani." I answered her. "Kahit anong gawin ko Lani,
si Louie lang ata
talaga kayang mahalin nitong puso na to eh. Hindi ko alam Lani pero si Louie lan
g talaga.
Mahal ko si Kim bilang kaibigan haggang dun lang yun. Siguro in time makakaya ko
na."
"Mary buksan mo kasi yang puso mo. Hindi lang si Louie yung lalaki na pwedeng ma
gmahal
sayo. Na pwede mong mahalin. Don't be stuck with the past and don't close your h
eart to every
possibilities." Lani said as she held my hand and squeezed it. "Open you heart f
or Kim. Hindi
magagalit si Louie kung susubukan mo."
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
Nakarating na kami sa bahay nila, and they decided na sila ang magluluto habang
ako ay
nagpunta sa kwarto ni Louie, hindi nila binago yung kwarto, hinayaan lang ni Tit
a na ganito to,
same as before.
Parang ako lang si Tita eh, ayaw mawala yung kung ano pang natitira kay Louie, p

arehas
kaming hindi kayang mag let go. Tito and Lani wanted this room to be cleared, to
put all of
Louie's things in storage pero Tita protested and so did I. Alam kong wala akong
karapatan mag
protesta dahil hindi ako kamag-anak pero hindi ko kaya.
Nanalo kami ni Tita at hinayaan nila na magstay yung kwarto ni Louie as is. Wala
ng pagbabago,
even the things at his desk walang nakielam, nililinis pero kahit kailan hindi g
inalaw at inaba ng
pwesto yung mga gamit.
Sa kwarto ni Louie, I can find peace, dito kasi ramdam ko parin siya. Kaya dati
lagi akong
pumupunta dito para lang gumaan yung loob ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko si Louie dito.
Na
safe ako dito.
I went to his desk, sat on the chair, and took his journal out, yung last journa
l niya. Madami pang
blank pages dun kaya I decided to write. It won't be my first time writing in it
dahil yung una, ay
yung nagrereklamo ako sa kanya, yung nagagalit ako sa kanya kasi inawan niya ako
.
This would be my second time.
Dear Louie,
Happy birthday. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang dapat kong sabihin, kasi baka nariri
ndi ka na pag
sinabi ko ulit na miss na miss na kita. Baka ayaw mo ng marinig yun. But I do mi
ss you so much. Sabi ni
Lani, buksan ko daw yung puso ko pero paano ko magagawa yun Louie? Paano ko bubu
ksan yung puso ko
kung wala naman sa akin yung susi? Kasi nung nawala ka dinala mo ata pati yung s
usi eh. Louie gusto
kong bigyan ng pagkakataon si Kim kasi diba simula nung nawala ka nandito na siy
a para sa akin? Pero
bakit haggang ngayon Louie ay hindi ko parin kaya? I did choose him over Ash and
I let Ash go. Pero
akala ko pag pinakawalan ko na si Ash, pwede na si Kim mali pala ako Louie kasi
nung nawala si Ash lalo
A Little Help from Destiny
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uknowulovemary
kong hindi mabuksan yung puso ko kay Kim. Louie I have something to confess sana
ah wag kang
magagalit sa akin, sana wag mong isipin na napakasama kong tao pero Louie siguro
nga masama ako kasi
Louie may isang tao ngayon sa buhay ko na mas gusto kong bigyan ng puwang kaysa
kay Kim. Masama
ba ako Louie kasi kay Kim na nandiyan para sa akin ay may lumamang pa. Pero haya
an mo Louie kasi
kahit ano man ang mangyari, ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko wala ng iba. Ikaw lang da
hil ako lang naman
ang minahal mo diba. So para fair parin tayo. I miss you so much Louie. Ayokong
maging unfair kay Kim
Louie kaya siguro dapat siya yung pagtuunan ko ng pansin kaysa dun sa isa diba?
Kasi kung ibabalik mo
yung susi sa akin, dapat kay Kim ko unang buksan yung puso ko diba? Pero hindi k
o sinasabi na bigay mo
sa akin yung susi Louie, ayoko. Natatakot ako Louie kaya wag na wag mong ibabali
k yan dahil hindi ko
kukunin. I won't let you return it to me because I won't ever let you go. I can'

t.
Loving you,
Mary.
My Birthday
I celebrated my birthday early with my high school friends dahil weekend natapat
yung birthday
ko. I held a small intimate gathering for them Saturday. I had fun with them. An
d when my
birthday approached Kim called at midnight dito sa Philippines to greet me. I ha
ven't been
honest with him these past few weeks. But still I was thankful he didn't mind my
distance.
I celebrated my day with my childhood friends during the day, sympre nauna kong
pinuntahan
si Louie bago ko sila sinundo for brunch and movies. It wasn't the same as befor
e at
nakakapanibago lang kasi nung nandito pa si Louie, he would be the first person
to ever greet
me.
I remembered last year, siya talaga ang unang bumati sa akin dahil he sneaked in
at our house
and to my room, he brought the red velvet cupcake that I loved with him. Siguro
kaya yung
nagawa ni Louie dahil alam niya the next year he wouldn't be here anymore to gre
et me.
A Little Help from Destiny
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He even threw me the party, napakasaya ko nung last year kong birthday pero ngay
on wala,
kulang na kulang, sure madaming bumati sa akin at madaming regalo. Pero kulang k
asi wala
yung nag-iisang tao na gusto kong marinig yung boses na binabati ako. Wala na yu
ng lalaking
babati sa akin with a smile plastered on his face.
I'm being dramatic pero since his birthday I felt so lonely. So alone again. Hin
di ko alam kung
bakit ko nararamdaman yun lalo na ngayon. Pero I do feel so lonely. Miss na miss
ko na talaga si
Louie.
We had a family dinner at Inter-Continental for my birthday, it was always like
that. My birthday
would end with the dinner.
The next day, pumasok lang ako na parang hindi nangyari yung birthday ko, there
was nothing
special except Kim's constant calls during the dinner and his constant apology f
or the late
birthday gift. He said I would love it kaya hintayin ko nalang daw.
And here I am papasok na ng buuilding nang napansin ko si Tita Elise sa may gate
ng school,
nung nakita niya ako she gave me a hug and greeted me a belated happy birthday.
Siya lang
kasi sa family ni Kim ang hindi bumati sa akin kahapon.
She made her visit short at binigay lang sa akin yung regalo niya sa akin, it wa
s wrapped in a
pretty gift wrap pero I was so sure it contained a book. Then binagay niya sa ak
in yung isang
paper bag na light blue with a Tiffany & Co marking on it. She said it was Kim's
gift to me.
She said goodbye na din cause she still needed to go to the Embassy and finish h

er work. Kaya
pala siya nasa Manila ay dahil may inaasikaso siya sa Embassy.
Gusto ko sanang ipauwi nalang muna yung mga regalo especially Kim's kasi baka ma
wala ko
pa. Pero nakaalis na kasi si Manong kaya pumasok nalang ako sa school holding tw
o paper
bags. Na touched ako kasi personally pinadeliver ni Kim yung regalo niya.
Dahil isa ako sa mga maagang pumapasok, wala pang tao nung nakarating ako sa
classroom,so I had to open the air-con as well as check the room.
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After that naupo na ako sa upuan ko and decided to open Tita Elise's gift first
at tama ako, it
was a book or rather books. She gave me Eat Pray Love and the The Hunger Games T
rilogy. She
knew how much I love reading books.
I wanted to read Eat Pray Love already pero I contained myself and decided to op
en the other
paper bag, at nilabas ko yung box with a white ribbon on it. I untied the ribbon
at hindi ko alam
kung anong mararamdaman ko ngayon. Sure I was happy Kim gave me a Tiffany neckla
ce but
why did it have to be similar to what Louie wanted to give me back then?
Bakit kailangan niyang bigay sa akin ay isang key pendant din, sure magkaiba sil
a ng design
pero still that key pendant was the only thing I have that reminds me of Louie,
ang arte arte ko
kasi naiiyak ako dahil binigyan ako ni Kim ng isang necklace na dapat si Louie y
ung magbibigay
sa akin. How did even Kim find out about the key pendant?
Hindi ko kinuha yung necklace instead kinuha ko yung white envelope at binuksan
ito, Kim
wasn't the type of guy who would write a letter but I guess nagawa niya. I didn'
t have it in me to
read it right now. Natatakot ako kung ano man yung nakasulat. Hindi naman ako up
set kay Kim
dahil sa regalo niya actually I feel bad dahil ayoko yung regalo niya, dahil hin
di ko man maappreciate
yung thought niya nung binili niya iyon.
I'm such a self-centered person aren't I?
Nilagay ko na agad sa box yung letter at pinasok ulit yung box sa loob ng paper
bag.
Papatago ko nalang muna kay Ms. Leslie yung regalo sa akin kasi baka nga mawala
ito, mahal
pa naman ito dahil it was pure diamonds.
Palabas na ako nung room nang may papasok sa classroom so I gave way at tinignan
kung
sino yung papasok, nagulat ako kasi si Allen pala, lagi siyang late bakit napaag
a ata siya. Sure
this past few weeks din minsan nalang siya malate pero Monday ngayon, it was exp
ected na
late siya.
Nakatingin lang ako kay Allen na hindi ko napansin na may hawak pala siyang bouq
uet ng pink
roses. Siguro ibibigay niya kay Ate Ericka, his girlfriend.
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"Good morning." bati niya sa akin na nakangiti pa.

Sympre ngumiti din ako sa kanya, "Morning may date kayo ni Ate Ericka?" I asked
trying hard
not to sound like I was bitter or jealous. Cause I'm not.
Napatingin din siya sa hawak hawak niyang bulaklak at napahawak sa may batok niy
a, hindi ko
na hinintay yung sagot niya at nagpasyang pumunta kay Ms. Leslie para matago na
yung mga
regalo pag nakita pa ito nila Gael naku, baka mauna pa silang magbasa ng sulat n
i Kim. "Teka
lang." sabi ni Allen kaya napatingin ulit ako sa kanya.
Nagpunta siya sa upuan niya tas nilapag niya sa desk niya yung bulaklak at may k
inuha sa bag
niya. Lumapit siya sa akin at ako naman binigyan siya ng puzzled look, he then g
ave me the box
na nakagift wrap in a weird looking gift wrap paper sabay bigay din ng bulaklak
"Happy
birthday." bati niya sa akin habang nakalahad parin yung kamay niya with the gif
t and the
flower.
Why was he greeting me eh binati na niya ako kahapon at bakit may regalo pa? Sur
e I liked
gifts, I accepted all of my friends gifts to me, even Cyril's pero bakit hindi k
o magawang
matanggap yung kay Allen dahil ba may kasamang bulaklak at ang awkward?
"Ummmm...." I tried to speak hindi ko alam yung sasabihin ko eh.
"Eto na yung oras na kukunin mo sa akin yung regalo at sasabihin thank you." he
said na
nahihiya pa.
"Oh right." I said at kinuha sa kanya kahit pa labag sa loob ko hindi ko naman k
asi ine-expect na
bigyan niya ako. "Thank you." I said sincerely.
Nilagay ko na yung regalo niya muna sa paper bag na may laman na regalo ni Tita.
"Sino
nagbigay niyang mga yan?" he asked pertaining to the two paper bags that I was h
olding.
"Tita ni Kim kanina nung papasok na ako." I answered him. "Wait bakit mo ako bin
igyan ng
regalo at ng bulaklak?"
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Magsasalita pa sana si Allen kaso bumukas yung pinto ng classroom namin at sila
Chelsea yung
nakita ko, Chelsea was holding a round cake while the others naman ay balloons,
diba we
already celebrated my birthday? And there was Cyril na may hawak na bouquet ng p
ink roses.
Napatigil sila sa pagkanta ng Happy birthday nung napansin nila kami ni Allen na
nakatingin sa
kanila, sila naman biglang napatingin sa bulaklak at dala dala kong paper bag.
"Oh my Gosh napadala na ni Kim yung regalo niya sayo?" Chelsea squealed in excit
ement
while looking at the Tiffany paper bag. "At may flowers pa. Eh nagpabili na nga
siya sa akin
niyan eh." she said at turo kay Cyril.
I gave her a puzzled look "Okay. Kim asked for my favor na i-surprise ka daw nam
in, nagpadala
siya ng pera para sa cake, balloons at sa flowers pero hindi niya sinabi na may
flowers na." she
said.

"Ahhh.. actually...." I tried to tell her na hindi kay Kim galing yung bulaklak
at kay Allen kaso
paano ko sasabihin na si Allen ang nagbigay they would question it lalo na si Ch
elsea. I just
sighed at nilingon si Allen. Napatingin naman ako kay Cyril na nakatingin din sa
akin at ngumiti
lang siya sa akin.
Binigay niya yung bulaklak sa akin, dahil dumadami na yung tao sa classroom nag
paalam na
sila, sabi ni Chelsea yung cake daw ibobox nalang daw niya ulit at tatago sa Hom
e Ec lab.
At ako naman umupo nalang sa upuan ko at nilagay yung dalawang bulaklak sa upuan
ni Riley
pati na din yung dalawang paper bag.
"Hindi mo ba titignan yung regalo ko?" narinig kong boses ni Allen, tinignan ko
siya at ayun
nakaupo siya sa gilid ko, yung seating arrangement kasi namin medyo magulo, una
it was a U
shape pero the next thing I know, kaming nasa likod which formed the U ay pina-f
orward. So
ang style ng upuan namin ay kaming apat na row ay naka face sa board at yung sa
dalawang
gilid naman ay nakaharap sa aming naka harap sa board. Ang weird basta ganun.
"Maya nalang." I said "Pero thank you ulit."
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"Yung tanong mo kung bakit kita binigyan, alam mo na yung sagot dun." he said. I
sighed.
Gusto ko man maniwala sa sinabi niya dati hindi ko magawa at hindi din naman pwe
de.
Instead na sumagot sa kanya, kinuha ko ulit yung paper bag at kinuha yung regalo
niya. Dahan
dahan kong i-unwrapped yung regalo, it was a book. Tinignan ko si Allen. "Narini
g ko kasi kayo
ni Ella na naguusap dati kaya ayan lang naisip ko." he said.
He gave me Nicholas Sparks' The Choose. Ngumiti ako sa kanya at nag thank you ul
it.
At lunch nakatambay kami ni Ms. Leslie sa lab at kinakain naming dalawa yung cak
e. Dala dala
ko yung regalo sa akin nila Kim pati na din yung mga bulaklak. Umagang umaga pal
ang
masyado na akong naging sikat na naman, lalo na sa mga teachers.
Kay Ms. Leslie ko lang sinabi na si Allen yung nagbigay nung isang bulaklak.
"Kayo na ba ni Allen?" she bluntly asked.
Nagulat naman ako "Hala ka Ms. bakit mo naman yun naisip?" I asked.
"Sa kilos niyong dalawa?" she shrugged.
"Anong kilos diyan we rarely talk sa school." sabi ko. Sure close kami ni Allen
pero sa labas lang
yung ng school kasi sympre sa classroom hindi naman kami masydo nakakapagusap, m
insan
tuwing recess sa hapon pero minsan lang talaga kasi lagi akong nakatambay kasama
sila Cyril.
"Eh bakit lagi kayong magkausap sa cellphone mo at lagi ka din naghihintay sa lo
unge?" She
suspiciously asked me.
"Si Cyril ang hinihintay ko at masama na bang makausap siya? Eh minsan naman con
ference
call yun eh!" I defended myself.
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uknowulovemary
"Sabihin mo na kasi sa akin."
"May girlfriend yung tao..."
"So kung wala kayo na?"
I sighed and decided to tell her the truth kahit pa she might judge me sa mga na
gawa ko o sa
ginagawa ko. I trust Ms Leslie kaya siguro nasabi ko sa kanya yung lahat. Walang
nakakaalam
kundi siya lang. I told her about how things progressed between me and Allen dur
ing the baby
project and also when he comforted me nung nawala ako sa top at kung paano kami
naging
super close and lastly when he bluntly confessed. Hindi ako nagyayabang but he d
id,
magkasama kami sa lounge nun kasi hinihintay ko si Cyril dahil si Cyril yung mag
hahatid sa akin
sa bahay wala kasi si Manong nun kaya ayun. He told me his feelings and know wha
t? Hindi
lang pala crush yung meron ako sa kanya, I do like him pero I told him no dahil
may girlfriend
siya na haggang ngayon hindi pa niya hinihiwalayan.
Pero that didn't stop whatever we had, lagi parin kaming nagkakausap at magkasam
a. Hindi ko
naman sinasabi na hiwalayan niya si Ate Ericka kasi ayokong makasira ng relation
ship at isa pa
napaka-unfair ko kay Kim. Kaya I've been distant with him.
"Ikaw kasi may kasalanan nito eh." sinisi ko si Ms. She looked shocked "Kung hin
di mo kami
pinartner edi matapat pa ako kay Kim!"
She laughed a little pero she became serious again "I get it na sa tingin mo you
're cheating on
Kim pero hindi naman Mary. Hindi kayo. Sure you two promised ten years after per
o walang
kayo Mary. Hindi mo nilgayan ng kayo. Kaya don't feel guilty na nahuhulog ka kay
Allen."
"Mali parin Ms." I said "Pinapaasa ko si Kim tas si Allen naman...."
"Edi sabihin mo kay Kim yung totoo. Masasaktan siya pero given na yun Mary. As f
or Allen, let
him decide, hindi ko sinasabi na ayos lang kung ano man meron kayo ni Allen dahi
l teacher mo
ako Mary at I need to be a give you advice na makakatulong. Hindi kita kukunsint
ihin sa
ginagawa mo. Alam mo sa sarili mo na mali yung makipagrelasyon sa lalaki na may
girlfriend.
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Kaya ikaw bahala. Pero sa tingin mo ba talaga na worth it yung pagtatago niyo? S
top it
haggang hindi mo pa siya mahal."
I huffed "Ms. hindi ko kahit kailan mamahalin si Allen."
"At bakit naman?"
"Kasi si Louie parin yung nasa puso ko. And it would be so unfair para kay Kim k
ung biglang si
Allen yung minahal ko diba?"
"Hindi mo naman kasi natuturuan yung puso Mary. Kung darating na mamahalin mo si
Allen,
kahit gaano mong isipin na unfair para kay Kim, hindi. Kahit kailan hindi naging
unfair dahil

Mary you tried your best to try diba? Pero hindi eh."
I sighed "So overall Ms. kailangan ko ng sabihin kay Kim na haggang best friend
lang kami?" I
asked. She nodded "Pero paano pag nawala siya sa akin?"
"That's the price Mary. Alam kong natatakot kang mawala siya pero mas lalo siyan
g mawawala
sayo kung papaasahin mo parin siya. Mahal na mahal ka nung tao diba? Nasasaktan
mo na
siya kaya tama na."
"Masama ba ako Ms kasi hindi ko siya minahal?"
"Hindi ko kasi nakilala personally si Kim pero I heard he's a great guy. Pero hi
ndi ka masama
Mary, alam mo kung bakit?" she looked at me and I shook my head "Kasi hindi mo k
asalan
kung hindi mo kayang mag let go." hindi ko alam kung paano ia-analyze yung sinab
i niya, na
hindi ko kayang mag let go "Hindi mo kasalanan kung si Louie lang talaga. He was
a great guy
after all."
Sympre Ms. did know Louie personally diba nga close ako sa kanya talaga.
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uknowulovemary
"Thanks Ms." I said.
Pagkauwi ko naman dun ko binasa yung sulat ni Kim. And it made me cry. I was his
first love.
And here I am going to break his heart when he did nothing to deserve it.
The First Help from Destiny ?
(The First Letter from Kevin Ian)
Mary,
Hi go to a room with a mirror in it or just get yourself a mirror, because I am
going to tell you a story you have never heard of, a story of
how a boy met a girl, it's actually a romantic yet funny story of these two. Let
's call the guy as Red and the girl as White. White first saw Red at a
Church nearby her house, it was New Year's Eve; the favorite holiday of White ex
cluding her birthday of course, she was listening to the Homily when
Red got impatient to be noticed so he made the first move, he walked in front of
her just to be seen. Right after the Mass, White's family went back
home to finally greet their guests for that said party, Blue the brother like co
usin of White who was missing at the Mass finally came back with a group
of friends and that included Red. He wanted to be formally introduced to White,
if he didn't beg Blue then he wouldn't had been there. White then let
them all in as she hurriedly went back inside the house to watch her favorite mo
vie but then her sister called her and said that the games will start and they
had to eat their dinner. That they would all be participating in the games, she
was all cheerful when the game started and that was one of the things Red
liked about White. After the party, Red eventually went home to greet his family
a Happy New Year but he still wanted to be with White so he called
Blue and asked him for a sleepover, Blue agreed and he picked up Red at the play
ground. He introduced himself once again to White and the other
cousin called Purple, they went back home and played games and the last game the
y were playing was Truth or Dare, it was fun and entertaining. Red's
turn to ask finally came and luckily, the bottle pointed at White, he asked with
out hesitation if he could court her but being White she said no and walked
out of the room, Blue gave Red another look, the look he gave him the first time
he fell in love.
After New Year, the two got closer and White s family approved the courtship. They
were close friends but White would always tell Red no
but of course, this was Red's chance so he would always answer White with "I'll
wait for you no matter what." They spent the summer together and

little did White know, Red was offered an admission to Brown University but he d
idn't want to go anywhere far from White, he was afraid of leaving
her however White found out and told him to go and take the opportunity . He lef
t because White convinced him to.
Red haven't told White a secret he kept for a long time now, it was about his fi
rst love, the first unrequited love he had for a very beautiful
girl he first saw, he was proud to say that he fell for her at first sight. He w
as still a grade six pupil when he first saw the girl and fell instantly, it was
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neither his friends nor classmates, she was not inside his circle. That happened
when he went to his best friend's house, when he entered the house he was
welcomed by his best friend's aunt who told him to wait for his best friend, she
asked him to sit and he did. That was when he saw a girl wearing a white
long dress playing with her little cousins like she was a child too. She was bea
utiful that he couldn t look away, he just looked at her at the French door
that separated them. His best friend came and maybe he noticed where he was look
ing, so his best friend looked at him, it was the first time he saw that
look in his best friend's face and he told him "Bro, not her." It was a warning
and because he wanted to protect their friendship, he didn't. However,
whenever he went there and she was there, he couldn t help but look at her secretl
y. Years passed but still his feelings didn't waver, but he got himself a
girlfriend for popularity because in their school, they were the campus couple u
ntil now. One time when he went over to his best friend's house, he saw her
again this time she was with her dad and they were really close, her dad was doi
ng her project while she watched him in awe. His best friend again noticed
and this time he looked at him again with the same warning and told him "You hav
e Angel. Promise me you will not walk between that line because if
you do remember what's at stake." For the sake of their friendship he hid his fe
elings and stuck with Angel but then they broke up when they were seniors
that was when he finally got his best friend's approval to court his cousin.
Now you re probably wondering who was the girl, right? The girl who hugs dogs, the
girl who still plays with her cousins, the girl who is loved
by her family, the girl who is clumsy at times, the girl who is so stubborn but
then again that was one of the things that boy loved about her. Lastly, the
girl who I am in love with that every time I closed my eyes, I only see myself w
ith her.
Yes, it's you. It has always been you. Are you laughing right now? Don't you dar
e laugh at me because this isn't funny; this is our story.
I'm sorry if I kept this one a secret from you, I was a little afraid that you m
ight think I was creepy and was a stalker. But believe me
there were times when I wanted to tell you, just to stop you from teasing me tha
t Angel was my first love, we would always argue because I'd deny it. I
hate it when you're mad at me. You are my first love and I am not ashamed to tel
l people that you are. I may not be your first love; I wished I could
be your last love as you would be mine. I will never tell you to forget him beca
use I know it would be hard for you but I just wish that you could give
me a little space in your heart.
They said our story is quite amusing for we have different version of how we fir
st met. You first met me at the Church and I first met you
years ago. I believe that one day our story would be the greatest story ever tol
d because it's about you and I. There may be times we face hardships but
always remember I am always here for you. I will always protect you.
When I promised you that I would never leave you, I would never break that promi
se. I would forever be here for you, no matter what.
Because having met you was the best thing that ever happened in my life. You are
the best thing in my life and it is so hard being away from you.
Along with this letter, is the necklace, do you like it? It's not the same with

the one you were looking at that day but I do hope you still like it.
I decided to give that to you because of what I saw that day, you were looking a
t it with longing and though I don't know why, I just wanted to give
you that along with my love, a love that no one can ever give you except me.
Happy birthday my one and only. I love you. I hope you get to spend your birthda
y with the people you love there. Next year I'll be there
for you to celebrate it with. Take care my love and again happy birthday.
A Little Help from Destiny
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With love,
Your Knight in shining armor
Kevin Ian
Karma has its own way to haunt me
Kim and I haven't talk since I told him everything that happened since senior ye
ar started. Wala
siyang sinabi nung sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi na pwede, na ayoko na siyang paas
ahin. That
time was the most gruesome moment I ever had since I met him.
Hindi alam ng mga kaibigan ko yung nangyari dahil I kept it a secret. Napaka-hyp
ocrite ko dahil
sa ginagawa ko. I judged women who ruin relationships when right now I am that k
ind of
woman. Kaya nga hindi ko masabi sa mga kaibigan ko yung kay Kim. Kasi I'm a prid
eful person. I
can't.
Ayokong mahusgahan sa mga ginagawa ko. At alam kong lahat sila magagalit sa akin
at
kakampihan si Kim. Alam ko kasi ako din galit sa sarili ko. Pero tapos na, nagaw
a ko ng saktan si
Kim. At ngayon I'm facing the consequences of not having the best friend I thoug
ht I would
never lose.
I'd choose Kim over Allen anytime if Kim would stay as my best friend. Kahit pa
sabihin niya na
piliin ko siya, gagawin ko basta wag lang niyang hilingin sa akin na mahalin siy
a, pipiliin ko siya
kasi over the times we spent together, siya na yung best friend ko. And I don't
want to lose him
too.
But I did. I lost him.
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe just maybe it's time to let Kim just move on. M
aybe he needs
to get over his almost 5 years love for me. Maybe.
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Sa sulat ni Kim, I hesitated kung tama bang saktan siya. Pero sabi nga ni Ms. Le
slie mas lalo kong
sinasaktan si Kim kapag pinaasa ko pa siya. Hindi ako makapaniwala nga sa sulat
niya eh, I was
his first love. How the hell did that happen right? But it happened.
Anyway what's done is done, I just have to live with it.
Today is the last day of school, I mean we have the break after all it would be
November 1, we
have a week for the break and I'm actually happy. I mean who wouldn't right?
Pero isa kong dahilan kung bakit masaya ako at break na, it's all because of my
body.
Nanghihina na kasi ako lagi and sa start palang ng senior year lagi na akong nas
a clinic dahil

nahihimatay ako or minsan nahihirapan akong huminga.


PE was hell for me, lalo't na baseball kami ngayon at sobra talaga akong nahihir
apan, the
warm-ups drained my whole body, alam kong ganyan na talaga ang katawan ko sa PE
I mean
I hate doing exercise, and sports, tennis lang ata yung nagustuhan ko eh. Pero o
verall lagi
akong mahina sa PE lagi akong pagod pero mas naging sobra pa yung pag drain ng e
nergy ko,
kasi dati nakakaya ko pa yung warm-ups but now hindi na. I couldn't breathe or m
insan naman
nahihimatay na ako.
Lagi na din sumasakit yung dibdib ko which yes it has always been like that pero
mas lumala
yung sakit.
Kasama ko ngayon si Cyril at nakatambay kami sa abandoned stairs ng building nam
in. Kahit
siya walang kaalam alam sa nangyayari sa amin ni Allen, wait wala naman nangyaya
ri sa amin,
I guess, we're friends and he told me his feelings and I somehow reciprocated.
I mean he's not cheating on his girlfriend with me right? But who am I kidding?
Myself? Alam ko
yung totoo. Ako lagi yung kausap niya gabi gabi and not his girlfriend, ako yung
kasama niya
lagi. Hindi na nga ata sila nagkikita ni Ate Ericka eh.
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uknowulovemary
Ms. Leslie told me na what we have is what we call MU, ewan ko ba kay Ms pero sa
bi niya hindi
niya ako kukunsintihin sa relationship na kung ano man meron kami ni Allen pero
lagi siyang
nagpapakwento at siya pa nagdefine na ganun daw kami.
"Tatanungin ulit kita Mary at sana ngayon sagutin mo na with all honesty." Cyril
said. I
sighed. "Anong meron sainyo ni Allen?" he asked, ilang ulit na ba niya yan natan
ong sa akin?
Simula nung birthday ko he just wouldn't shut up about it. And of course I denie
d everything.
I know he's grown frustrated at me dahil I keep dodging the subject, ayokong maw
ala si Cyril din
sa akin kaya today I decided it was time. I sighed "Promise na hindi ka magagali
t?" I asked.
"Promise." he said, alam na naman niya kasi ang totoo siguro gusto lang niyang m
arinig sa akin.
"I think we're secretly in a relationship." I told him. "Hindi ko talaga alam ku
ng anong meron
kami. May girlfriend siya pero sabi niya mahal niya ako." I said.
Nagulat ata si Cyril sa sinabi ko. And yes mahal daw ako ni Allen. Una sinabi ni
ya na gusto niya
ako pero one day he just told me he loves me. Hindi ko naman alam ang gagawin ko
kasi ano
bang dapat gawin? So I said thanks.
Hindi ko alam kung ano kami pero araw araw sinasabihan niya ako na mahal niya ak
o pero
bakit hindi niya mahiwalayan si Ate Ericka? Hindi ko naman gustong maghiwalay yu
ng dalawa
kaso diba kung mahal niya ako, he would have done it right away?
"I just went with the flow Cy. Alam kong mali Cy, I swear Cy hindi ko hinihiling
na makipag break

siya kay Ate Ericka pero diba ayun naman dapat ang gawin niya?" I asked Cyril.
He sighed. "Gusto mo ba na maghiwalay na sila at maging official na kayo?" he as
ked.
I shook my head. "Ayoko kasi may masasaktan. Ou nga hindi kami nagkakasundo ni A
te Ericka
pero still diba." I said. Allen's girlfriend si Ate Ericka ay ka-batch nila Ash,
at close nga ako sa
dating seniors pero sa group nila Ate Ericka hindi, hindi kami magkasundo nun, I
guess dahil na
din, magkaaway sila ni Ate Autumn at sympre close ako kay Ate Autumn kaya siguro
ganun.
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"Ayaw mong maging kayo?" He asked.
I shook my head "Cy kilala mo ako. Yung tingin sa akin ng iba, pinapahalagahan k
o yun. And I
won't ruin my image, nasira na yun dahil nawala ako sa top at hindi ko papalitan
as
mangaagaw at naninira ng relationship. I won't." I said.
He sighed "Itigil mo na Mary." he said at napatingin ako sa kanya, nakatingin la
ng siya sa
harap "Tigil mo na. Best friend kita at hindi ko hahayaan na masaktan ka. Oras n
a malaman
niyan ng barkada ni Ericka susugod at susugod yun dito. Nandito kami nila Den pe
ro sabi mo
ayaw mong masira yung image mo kaya itigil mo na. Mapanghusga ang mga tao dito s
a
school na to." he said. And he was right. Isang mali mo lang huhusgahan ka na ag
ad. Yes
kaming mga seniors we don't judge one another na, eh sanay na kami sa isa't isa
eh pero yung
iba, yung lower batch ang napaka-judgmental. "At si Allen yun Mary, hindi niya i
iwan si Ericka."
Alam ko naman yun eh. Alam ko dahil ilang buwan na ba simula nung nagtapat siya?
At see
sila parin.
"Alright dahil ayokong pati ikaw mawala, susundin kita." I smiled at him.
"Mabuti." tumayo na siya "Tara sasabihin mo na sa kanya ngayon din at sasamahan
kita." nagulat ako pero sumunod nalang ako. Cyril is the second version of Louie
, always have
the brotherly effect. The over protectiveness at madami pang iba.
Naglakad na kami sa hallway at pababa na kami dun sa big stairs at dun palang ki
ta ko na sa
second floor si Allen, nakasandal siya sa dingding at nagtatawanan sila nila Ton
y. Napansin niya
atang nakatingin ako sa kanya at ngumiti siya sa akin and then tinignan niya si
Cyril and gave
him a nod.
Pababa na kami ni Cy nung nakaramdam ako ng pagkahilo, siguro kung hindi ako nah
awakan
ni Cyril nahulog na ako "Okay ka lang?" he asked and he looked so worried. I nod
ded, hindi ko
na alam yung nangyari kasi narinig ko nalang yung sigaw ni Cyril at rinig ko din
yung mga
footsteps na mabibigat.
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?

I woke up feeling a little dizzy, I looked at my surrounding and I sighed, nandi


to na naman ako sa
clinic. Umupo ako sa pagkakahiga ko and Nurse Shay noticed me kaya pumunta siya
sa akin
and gave me a faint smile.
"Ayos na ba ang pakiramdam mo?" she asked.
And I nodded "Ilang oras po?"
"It's been 4 hours." sagot niya. "It's a record." she said. "Padating na si Dr.
Gonzales." sabi niya sa
akin. And I looked at her "Dahil nga lately napapadalas na, Ms Ryn suggested to
call the school
doctor."
I nodded. "Sa tingin niyo may mali sa akin?" I asked.
"Mary." she started at umupo siya sa kama "Simula nung nagstart yung school year
nandito ka
na lagi, at ngayon month walang araw na wala ka dito. We just want to make sure.
" sabi niya.
Dumating na din si Dr. Gonzales at nagsimula na siyang tignan ako, when he start
ed to listen to
my heart, his face became dead serious. Tinignan niya ako after that "Have you e
ver
experience chest pains? And heart palpitations?" he asked. I nodded and he also
nodded. "Nurse Shay paki sabi sa school driver na aalis tayo." he just said to N
urse Shay. Si Nurse
Shay sinunod lang si Dr. Gonzales at tinawagan na yung lobby para sabihin.
He then looked at me "Mary we're going to go to St. Luke's right now is that alr
ight with you? Or
do you prefer to go to your family doctor instead?" he asked.
I looked at him, confused sa mga nangyayari. Why would we go to the hospital? "B
akit po?" I
asked.
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"We need to have you check with the proper medical equipment, now my practice is
at St.
Luke's but if you do prefer at your family doctor then we could go there."
Panic began to rise. Anong meron sa akin at kailangan akong tignan?
"Don't worry Mary, we're just going to check okay? It doesn't mean there's somet
hing wrong so I
ask again where do you want to go?" He asked.
"Pwede po bang nandun yung doctor namin?" I asked.
He nodded "Saan ba siya?"
"St. Luke's din po." I said.
And just like that nagpunta na kami sa hospital. Kinausap muna ni Dr. Gonzales y
ung family
doctor namin and then another doctor came in which grew more panic inside me. Dr
. De Jesus
specialized in cardiology and I was so scared.
I told Dr. Santos na wag munang tawagan sila mama kasi baka magpanic din sila. H
e agreed. I
had the echo and many more tests especially the MRI.
The tests were over and everyone in the room had grim faces. And I was so scared
.
"Mary I called you mom and she's on her way." Dr. Santos said. "We'll talk when
she's here."
"Pwede po bang sabihin niyo na sa akin?" I asked looking into his eyes, ilang ta
on na ba siya as
our doctor kaya sana maawa naman siya at sabihin sa akin.
He sighed and let Dr. De Jesus do the talking. Tumabi ito sa akin sa couch ng of

fice ni Dr. Santos


at hinawakan yung kamay ko "Mary do you want me to sugar coat it or....." she as
ked and I
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shook my head "Okay. The findings came in and you have hypertrophic cardiomyopat
hy, do
you know that?" she asked.
I nodded. Sympre alam ko kung ano ang HCM, who wouldn't? It is after all a commo
n heart
disease. I started crying kasi kahit naman common yung many still die because of
it, and there's
no cure for HCM. None. Surgery would just help pero there's no cure. It's still
is new to the world.
I excused myself at lumabas na ako agad ng hospital, sabi ko sa rest room lang p
ero hindi ko
kaya eh, I am too emotional right now. Why me? Of all people why me?
I ran to the taxi bay and decided to go to the person I needed the most: Louie.
Just my luck, it was raining. Can you believe it? Parang nasa isa lang akong tel
eserye. I laughed
bitterly, sana nga isa nalang itong teleserye, sana hindi ito totoo. I couldn't.
Hindi ko kaya eh.
Nakarating ako kay Louie at nilakad ko pa yun na basang basa na ako. Pagkarating
ko sa
puntod niya, napaupo na ako agad at umiyak lang.
"Louie." I called "Kailangan kita ngayon. Why is life so unfair Louie? Bakit ako
? Ayoko nito Louie.
Ayokong mamatay. Louie I need you so much right now because it hurts Louie, ang
sakit sakit
na Louie." I said.
Ayoko nito, hindi ko kaya. I'm dying. Bakit ako? Sobra ba akong sama at ganito n
angyayari sa
buhay ko? Last year I lost my best friend now here I am facing something differe
nt. Bakit ako?
Madami pa akong gustong gawin sa buhay ko, sobrang dami pa. I've been selfish al
am ko yun,
alam ko din self-centered ako at I'm prideful pero naging mabait naman ako diba?
I didn't
forget to pray every night.
I always listen to the Mass and Homily. I grew up having fear in God. Grew up be
lieving in Him
pero bakit ganito? Bakit ako?
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I'm only 16.
Why is life so unfair to me?
"Louie. Kaya ba iniwan mo ako kasi alam mong magkakasama tayo agad?" I asked him
"Pero
Louie ayoko pa. Hindi ko pa kaya. Takot akong mamatay Louie. Ayokong mamatay Lou
ie.
Please Louie tulungan mo ako, please kung kasama mo na si God diyan, pakisabi na
man na
alisin niya yung sakit ko, please. Kasi Louie hindi mo ako katulad eh, ikaw you'
ve faced it at
handa ka ako Louie hindi. Ayokong mamatay." I cried. "Ang unfair ano? Ikaw kinuh
a din agad
sa akin tas ngayon naman ako. Napaka-unfair Louie. Bakit ako?" I asked again.
HCM.

A common heart disorder pero why does it have to me be? Why do I need to have it
?
Why do I need to be sick? Why me? Why did it have to choose me?
I heard a car engine stopped pero hindi ko pinansin yun pati na din yung footste
ps palapit sa
akin. Nung naramdaman kong walang tumutulong ulan I looked up and saw Karl, he f
aintly
smiled at me.
"Karl" I cried as I looked at him, lumuhod siya at niyakap niya ako. "Karl, baki
t ako?" I asked
him"Ayokong mamatay Karl please do something. Ayoko pang mamatay." I cried.
"Hindi ka mamamatay ok? We won't let you." Karl said and I knew there were tears
falling from
his eyes also.
And he convinced me of going back to the hospital for more test and for the medi
cines I was
going to take. Nakaupo lang ako sa couch hawak hawak ang kamay ni Karl habang
kinakausap nila papa and mama si Dr. De Jesus and sabi din ni Dr. De Jesus to as
k for second
opinions.
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Mom called someone and nung pumasok siya pumunta ulit siya sa harap "I called a
family
friend, she's a great surgeon." sabi niya kay Dr. De Jesus and just like that I
knew who she called.
Aunt Sachiko.
"Tinawagan mo si Aunt Sachi?" I asked.
"Papunta na siya dito with a colleague of hers." mom said.
"Sinabi mo na may sakit ako kay Aunt Sachi?" I asked. "She's going to tell Kim!"
I said.
"Ayaw mong malaman ni Ian?"
I shook my head and tumutulo na naman ang hula ko. Ayokong may makaalam. Kasi ga
ya ni
Louie itatago ko din ito. Gaya ni Louie, ako lang din haharap sa sakit na ito. A
ko lang ayokong
may iba. I don't want to burden anyone.
At ngayon sinabi ni mama kay Aunt Sachi at alam kong sasabihin niya kay Kim. Hin
di pwedeng
malaman ni Kim. Hindi pwede. Dahil he'll try to stay.
"Ma please call her back sabihin mo wag ipaalam kay Kim ma please, sabihin mo na
sa lahat
wag lang kay Kim." I cried and mama dialed in panic but it was already too late.
Aunt Sachi told Kim already and Kim's flying back with her.
It hurts when you won't let us in
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I've been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks, I'm fine except the fact that I ha
ve a freaking HCM.
And that anytime I could die. Ayos lang ako. Ayos na ayos lang. Never been bette
r.
Sa buong dalawang linggo ko sa hospital, I've been tested, and medicated by all
means. At
kumuha din kami ng mga second opinions but as for now all they can do is give me
medicines
that can ease the pain. Sa two weeks na nandito ako hindi ako makalabas ng hospi
tal dahil
nanghihina na din ako, I didn't even visit Louie.

Ayaw nila akong payagan na bisitahin si Louie, bakit ganun? Ang gusto ko lang na
man makita
siya sa one year death anniversary niya pero bakit ayaw nila akong payagan? Kim
didn't agree
either. Akala ko kakampi ko siya pero hindi din niya ako pinayagan.
Yes, Kim came back here in Manila with Aunt Sachi together with Dr. Reynolds. Si
mula nung
dumating si Kim, hindi ko masyado siya kinakausap, he's been trying pero ayoko.
Naaawa lang
ako sa sarili ko lalo pag nakikita ko siya, kasi alam ko kaya siya nandito kasi
naawa lang siya sa
akin.
I decided not tell my friends about me, ayoko kasi ng awa nila, ayokong tignan n
ila ako with
their eyes clearly telling me that they do pity me. Hindi ko kailangan ng awa ni
la. Kahit kailan
man ayoko ng awa. At I don't want to burden them. Alam ko na kung bakit tinago n
i Louie yung
sakit niya sa akin, sa amin, ayaw niya kasi na masaktan kami, ayaw niya din ng a
wa.
For two weeks, wala akong kinakausap, I've been living in my own world. Susunod
lang ako sa
mga pinapagawa nila pero I am living in my own world. I haven't cried in front o
f anyone, I
haven't told anyone how I am feeling. I shut all of them out.
"Mary." I heard Kim's voice and so I looked over the door and saw him and the ot
hers. Nagulat
ako kasi nasa likod ni Kim, sila Lani. "They wanted to know." he reasoned out.
I looked away. Bakit sinabi ni Kim?
Naramdaman kong lumapit sila Lani, Cass at Elle sa akin. "Mary, hindi na ba kami
mahalaga
sayo at nagawa mong itago to?" asked Lani.
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Naramdaman ko na yung mga luha ko "Bakit nung kay Louie din naman hindi mo sinab
i sa akin,
so ibig sabihin hindi din ako mahalaga kasi hindi mo pinaalam sa akin?" I asked
without looking
at them. I'm being unreasonable, using Louie that is.
"Alam mo naman na hindi totoo yan Mary. He's my twin Mary kaya kahit ayoko, tina
go ko kasi
hiniling niya. Pero Mary nung nalaman ko ikaw yung una kong gustong sabihan." La
ni said.
"Pero hindi mo parin sinabi." I cried "Tinago mo parin sa akin, tinago mo sa aki
n." I said.
"Mary, please understand naman na si Louie na yung humiling sa akin. Kambal ko y
un at hiniling
niya na wag na wag kong ipapaalam sa iba lalo na sayo." She cried. Alam ko naman
yun eh,
napagusapan na din naman to dati eh.
"Kahit na." I said.
"Kaya mo ba tinago sa amin to Mary kasi pinaparamdam mo din sa amin yung naramda
man
mo nung hindi mo nalaman yung kay Louie?" Cass asked.
Maybe.
"Wala ako sa tabi ni Louie habang lumalaban siya. Nagpapakasaya ako habang nahih
irapan
siya."
"Mary, please Louie was stubborn. Please don't be stubborn too. Please let us in

." Elle said "Eto


din yung ginawa mo dati Mary eh, eto din. Nung nawala na si Louie, nawala ka din
sa amin.
Mary naman please don't shut us out, let us in." she said "Mary please, wag mo n
aman ipagkait
sa amin na lumaban kasama ka."
"I don't wanna die." I cried at humarap ako sa kanilang tatlo. "Ayokong mamatay.
" I cried
again "Sabi ko sa sarili ko na siguro pag kunti lang nakakaalam hindi siya totoo
, siguro pwede
pang bawiin, na pag kunti lang nakakaalam mawawala."
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They went closer and hugged me "Hindi ka mamatay Mary. We won't let you die firs
t. We've
already lost one friend, we won't lose one again." Cass said.
"Ayoko pang mamatay pero a part of me just want to end it and be with Louie." I
admitted.
"Hindi. Hindi pwede. Kaya pa naman maghintay ni Louie eh. Yaan mo siyang maghint
ay dito ka
lang muna." Lani said.
"Gustong gusto ko ng makita si Louie Lani." I cried.
We all cried for what seems an eternity pero because I was too weak, I was given
a medicine
dahil nga hindi ako makahinga for crying. They got worried nung hindi ako nakapu
nta nung Nov.
6. They knew na dapat umaga palang nandun na ako pero wala ako kaya nagalala na
sila,
they went to my house pero wala ako, and our maids won't tell.
Hindi rin sila makakuha ng information sa mga pinsan ko dahil I let my cousins p
romised me na
they won't tell anyone. So they used their one last card: Kim. They called him a
t sinabi ni Kim sa
kanila yung totoo.
Umalis na din sila at naiwan nalang si Kim sa kwarto ko pero hindi ko siya kinak
ausap. Galit ako
sa kanya. He shouldn't have told them.
"Mary." he called but I didn't bulge "I know you're mad right now but they had t
o know." he said.
Parang hindi man siya nakokonsensya sa ginawa niya.
"You have no right." I hissed. "Wala kang karapatan na sabihin sa mga kaibigan k
o kung anong
nangyayari sa akin."
"They needed to know. They're your friends!" he said softly.
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"That's it. Mine. Hindi sayo kaya kung may magsasabi sa kanila ako yun! Hindi ik
aw! I let my
cousins promised me but you...." I said but didn't finish what I was trying to s
ay.
"I never promised you anything!" he yelled softly "You never said anything to me
. Since the day I
came back, you never said a word to me, you answered my questions but you never
talked to
me. I thought I am your best friend. Why can't you say anything to me?" his voic
e cracked,
napatingin ako sa kanya and saw his face at gustong gusto kong tumayo at yakapin
siya. "Mary,

do you know what I felt when mom called me and told me about you? I died a thous
and deaths.
I couldn't focused on my class. I ran out of the room and bought a plane ticket
going to New
York. I wanted so much to be here with you. I wanted to be where you are and com
fort you but
since the day I walked in this room, you never did look at me, you never did tel
l me how you felt.
And today it hurts like hell because you told them how you felt. It hurts to thi
nk I am just nothing
to you." sabi niya nakayuko lang siya dun.
Dahan dahan akong tumayo at lumapit sa kanya, niyakap ko siya, hindi ko alam na
sobra ko
din pala siyang nasasaktan. "Sorry. I'm so sorry Kim." I cried. "You know you're
more than nothing
to me. You are my best friend." I told him. "Kim, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko
sayo kasi alam
kong nandito ka dahil naaawa ka lang sa akin."
"Mary, I'm not. I'm here because I love you and I want to be here with you." Kim
said, he was
hugging me back and I felt comfortable. "I love you so much that I can't bear to
lose you. I'm
here because this is where I should have been since the beginning. I shouldn't h
ave left. I should
have stayed here with you." he said. "I regret it so much. Leaving you that is."
"Wala naman magbabago Kim. May sakit parin ako. Mamatay parin ako."
"You won't!" Kim snapped "I won't let you die. I'd do everything I can not to le
t you die. You won't
die on me."
Because I felt weak, nanghina na din yung tuhod ko at muntik na akong matumba bu
ti nalang
talaga nakayap ng mahigpit si Kim sa akin at nasalo niya pa ako, he carried me b
ack to my
bed.
I stared at him as he was caressing my head with his hand "Ian." I started and h
e looked at me "I
dreamed of Louie last night." I admitted. "He was asking for my hand." I smiled
at the memory of
my dream.
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Kim tensed. "Don't ever give him your hand no matter what." he said immediately.
I smiled at him weakly. "I can't always refuse him Kim. One day I need to take h
is hand and go
with him." Alam ko simula sa panaginip ko kagabi na one day Louie would be there
and offer his
hand and I should take it. And that would be the day I die. Kagabi, I refused. A
nd he smiled
pero alam ko one day, I won't refuse anymore. I know it. One day when I am ready
he'd be
there again.
"The day you'd take his hand would be 100 years from now." Kim said sincerely. N
gumiti nalang
ako para matapos na yung usapan namin. Pero alam ko na that one day would happen
soon.
Na kahit anong gawin nila, mamatay parin ako.
"I miss him Ian." I told Kim and he stopped from what he was doing, my eyes were
closed but I
knew his gaze were on me "I miss him so much and I wanted so much to take his ha

nd last night
but I couldn't. Siguro alam ko na pag tinanggihan ko siya babalik at babalik pa
rin siya. Misan
ko lang kasing mapanaginipan si Louie kaya siguro ko siya tinanggihan." I said,
I opened my
eyes and looked at him "I miss him pero I am not yet ready to die." I said.
"You're allowed to dream about him but never ever take his hand." Kim said and l
eaned forward
to kiss my forehead. "Please don't take his hand yet." he said as his lips linge
red on my forehead.
I slowly nodded. Hindi ko mapapangako kay Kim yung bagay na gusto niya kasi ngay
on only
time will tell, hindi ko na hawak ang buhay ko, okay dati ko pa hindi hawak ang
buhay ko at si
God lang may hawak nito pero what I meant was dati I can very well say I won't l
eave, I won't
die pero ngayon I can't dahil ngayon hindi ko alam kung haggang kailan pa ako sa
mundong
ibabaw.
"Kim bumalik ka na sa school mo sabay nila Aunt Sachi." I told him. Hindi na siy
a pwede dito,
kahit gusto kong nandito siya dahil ayokong magisa, mas maganda ng wala siya at
maayos
niya yung buhay niya. May school siya.
"What about you?" he asked.
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I smiled at him, hindi pilit, hindi din peke pero tunay na ngiti "Kim, you have
to go back to US." I
told him. This is hard pero eto yung tama, eto yung tama kasi I can't pull him d
own with me.
"No. I'll stay here." he said firmly and he sure was determined, kilala ko siya
at katulad ko
stubborn din si Kim. At hindi ko alam kung paano siya papalayuin sa akin. I did
everything pero
eto parin siya.
"Kim, I'm dying. Soon Louie's gonna take me with him so you have to live your li
ve." I told him.
Napatayo siya "Louie. Louie. Louie!" he repeated Louie's name so many times, he
was
frustrated "Why is everything about Louie?" he asked "What's so good about him a
nyway?" he
said "He's dead and he won't be coming back!" he snapped pero alam kong nagulat
din siya sa
sinabi niya. Kasi napatingin na siya sa akin with his expression telling me he d
idn't mean it pero
alam naming dalawa na he did.
"You're right hindi na siya babalik kaya nga diba kukunin na niya ako." I said.
"Everything is
about Louie kasi everything would always revolve around him. At kahit wala na si
ya, it will
always be about him." I said.
"He's dead Mary move on!" Kim hissed at napatigil ako. Now this is Kim's rage ab
out everything
nilalabas na niya lahat ng sama ng loob niya "Just because he loved you and you
also loved
him back it doesn't mean it will always revolve around him! Get a life! He's dea
d and you're not.
You can't love anyone else but him? Bullshit. You can't let go? Another bullshit

. Cause Mary you


can but you chose not to."
"Ayun nga Kim eh, hindi ko kaya. Siguro nga I can but I won't dahil ayun nalang
yung natitira.
Who's Mary without Louie?"
"You're being irrational Mary. Just because he was your first love it won't mean
that you can
never love again. You're closing your damn heart because you think everyone is b
eneath him.
But wake up Mary. He is beneath everyone because he's damn DEAD!" Kim yelled at
me.
"I can't believe you Kim." I told him. "Akala ko sa lahat ng tao ikaw yung makak
aintindi. Akala
ko pero mali pala ako. Alam mo Kim, if you want to be part of my life, always re
member na
package deal kami ni Louie. Dala dala ko siya sa buhay ko at no one can ever tel
l me na
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uknowulovemary
kailangan ko ng mag let go dahil kahit kailan hindi ko gagawin iyon. Kasi Kim, k
ahit sino pa yan,
if I am left to choose it will always be Louie who I choose." I said. I'm pretty
much disappointed.
Akala ko kasi nung sinabi ko kay Kim yung tungkol kay Louie, he'd understand me
at
tatanggapin parin niya ako kahit pa kasama si Louie pero hindi pala ganun. "I'd
choose him
over my family. If the price of him ever coming back to me is my family then I'l
l pay for it just to
have him." I told him as I looked in his eyes, I saw how hurt he was but I didn'
t care because I was
mad. Because I am protecting Louie. "Pagod na ako kaya pwede umalis ka na?" I sa
id as I
tucked myself into the bed and covered myself with the blanket.
Alam kong hindi parin siya umaalis pero in time aalis na siya and I don't care.
Kanina gusto ko
siyang lumayo dahil ayun yung tama pero ngayon gusto ko na siyang lumayo dahil i
ninsulto
niya si Louie. Dahil hindi niya maintindihan.
"You know Mary, someday when you find someone you truly love you'll let Louie go
and choose
the guy over him." Kim said.
"Hindi mangyayari yun Kim. Kung magmamahal man ako at papapiliin ako, I know ver
y well
kung sino ang pipiliin ko. Hindi magbabago yung desisyon ko kahit ilang taon pa
ang magdaan.
So guys should accept me with whole package or they can just go. Kasi Kim kahit
kailan hindi
ko kayang mag let go. Hindi ako marunong nun. And I won't teach myself how." I t
old him.
"Do you really think guys would accept you with that kind of package deal?" Kim
asked.
"Kung mahal talaga ako nung lalaking yun, hindi na siya magdadalawang isip pa."
I said.
"You know, they were right when they told me that since Louie died you won't let
anyone in. But
know this Mary, the more you push people away from you, the more you will be hur
t." And I
heard his footsteps finally leaving.

"Goodbye Kim."
This is the right thing to do. Tama na lumayo na siya sa akin para pag nawala ak
o, hindi na
ganun kasakit.
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But if only I knew then, then I would have pushed him farther away from me. I sh
ould have let
him hate me then maybe things would go differently.
Not lying, just not telling the truth
Another week passed by na nasa hospital ako, Kim left with Aunt Sachi simula nun
g pag-uusap
namin nung gabing yun hindi na ulit kami nagusap, galit ako sa kanya at alam kon
g galit din
siya sa akin. Pero hindi ako nagsisisi na nag-away kami. Tama lang siguro yun da
hil simula nung
nakilala ko si Kim, hinding hindi niya nilabas yung mga hinanakit niya sa akin.
Tama lang na ngayon nalabas na yung kahit konti sa mga nararamdaman niyang galit
sa akin
pati na din ang mga insecurities niya kay Louie.
2 weeks na akong hindi pumapasok, at ang dami ko ng nare-receive na texts sa mga
classmates ko pero hindi ko ito pinapansin, nagpupunta na din sila sa bahay at t
inatanong kung
nasaan ako at sinasabi lang ng mga maids ay wala ako.
Alam ng mga teachers ko ang nagyari sa akin, sympre yung school doctor yung nagp
a-check
sa akin diba kaya alam nila, at kinausap na din ni mama ang principal sa school
along with my
adviser. My teachers visited me with Cyril one time.
Narining kasi ni Cyril yung meeting ng mga teachers ko at ng principal tungkol s
a condition ko
kaya nagtanong agad siya kay Skye, at dahil nga magkaibigan yung dalawa, inamin
ni Skye
yung totoo. Hindi na kasi nagaaral si Skye sa school namin dahil pinalipat na si
ya ng parents niya
kaya nahirapan pa si Cyril sa paghahanap sa kanya. Mahirap kontakin si Skye kasi
eh.
Dahil nga alam na ni Cyril, hindi na ako nagsinungaling pa sa kanya. Pero siya l
ang ang
makakaalam nito dahil I made him promise it to me. Sabi niya bat kailangan daw
magsinungaling but I'm not lying, just not telling the truth.
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Mas mabuti ng kunti lang ang nakakaalam dahil pag nalaman nilang lahat, magbabag
o yung
trato nila sa akin, at hindi na ako yung magiging Mary na kilala nila. Pag naiis
ip nila ako hindi na
yung masiglahing Mary kundi yung sakiting Mary na.
Ayoko nun. Gusto ko kung paano nila ako nakikita dati ganun parin ngayon. Wala n
aman
nagbago sa akin eh, kundi nagkasakit lang ako. Ako parin naman to pero sa oras n
a malaman
nila, mag-iibia na ako, mawawala na yung dating ako.
Ngayon nalang ulit ako papasok. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ako kikilos ngayon
na may
sakit na ako pero ang gusto ko yung kilos ko ganun parin kaso madaming magbabago
. Hindi
na ako pwedeng mapagod ng sobra.

Kasama ko ngayon si mama, kinakausap ni mama yung principal namin dahil nga sa a
kin. Alam
na naman nila kaso sympre gusto ni mama, ibri-brief ulit sila. I remembered nung
unang
nakausap ni mama yung principal, ayun nga kasama si Dr.Gonzales at sinabi na nil
a yung totoo.
Our principal understood right away, every teacher signed the confidentiality ag
reement that
our lawyers provided. Yung lagay ko kasi gustong itago ng pamilya ko sa lahat ng
tao. Ayun
nga then the principal remarked na kaya daw pala ako nawala sa top dahil sa saki
t ko.
And my mom being mom agreed on that remark. Siguro nga totoo din yun na kaya ako
nawala
dahil deep down alam kong wala ng saysay kung nasa top ako kasi mamatay na din a
ko.
Siguro nga unconsciously alam ko na.
After magusap nila mama, umalis na din si mama at ako naman umakyat na sa classr
oom ko,
tapos na yung Worship, yung group ko pa naman yung naka-assign ngayon. Sana naay
os na
nila Carmina yung mga dapat ayusin.
Kinakabahan ako nung nasa tapat na ako ng pinto, pero alam kong kita na ako ng m
ga
kakalse ko dahil sa pinto namin. Kaya lumabas agad si Ms. Ryn at niyakap niya ak
o. Siguro hindi
niya napansin na nandun na ako kanina pa sa office ng principal.
"Kanina ka pa?" she asked me.
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Nag nod lang ako sa kanya. "Nasa principal's office po kami ni mama kanina." sab
i ko at sabay
na kaming pumasok dalawa.
Nakatingin sa akin lahat ng mga classmates ko kasi nga 2 weeks akong nawala, pin
aupo na
ako ni Ms. sa upuan ko, grabe namiss ko tong classroom ko. Tinignan ako ni Riley
. "Saan ka
nanggaling?" he asked.
"Diyan lang." sabi ko.
Hindi pinansin nila Tony si Ms at nagsilapitan sa akin. "Bat bigla ka nalang naw
ala?" he asked.
Napatingin ako kay Ms kaya pinaupo niya lahat ng mga classmates kong nagsipuntah
an sa
akin. "Class, wag niyong palibutan si Mary." sabi niya "Mary went overseas may i
nasikaso sila
dun kaya ganun." she explained. Ayun yung excuse ko eh, nagpunta kami sa ibang b
ansa.
"Eh bakit pumayat siya?" tanong ni Ran. "Diba dapat tumaba ka?" he asked
"Ganun talaga. Napagod ako sa kakalibot eh!" I defended.
"Uy nagsalita na siya!" sigaw nila Tony. "Ms. wag na tayong maglesson! Welcome b
ack party ni
Mary!" he said.
Natawa kaming lahat. "Wait asan mga pasalubong namin!?" tanong ni Ella.
And of course, may props ako. "Dala dala ni Cyril eh. Mamaya kukunin ko nalang s
a kanya." I
said. Sympre nagpabili ako ng chocolates at nga mga souvenirs from New York kay
Claire at
pinadala nalang niya.
Dahil nga welcome back party ko daw ngayong araw, hindi kami naglesson kay Ms. R

yn
hinayaan lang niya na kausapin ako ng mga classmates ko. And I tried my best to
smile at them.
Eto ang ayaw kong mawala pag nalaman nila. Yung carefree feeling na nararamdaman
ko.
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Napatingin ako kay Allen na nakaupo lang sa upuan niya habang kami naman nila To
ny ay
nasa harap kausap si Ms. Ryn. Kinuha nila Ran yung pasalubong ko sa kanila kay C
yril kaya eto
kami kumakain ng chocolates at suot suot pa nila yung I ? New York na t-shirt pa
ti yung hat na
naka style na statue of liberty.
?
Sa two subjects namin hindi kami naglesson, dahil sinasabi nila sa teacher na we
lcome back
party ko. Recess na at tinatamad akong lumabas ng classroom. May chocolate pa na
man
kaya eto nalang kakainin ko.
Nagulat nalang ako kasi si Cyril pumasok sa loob ng classroom, may bitbit na sli
ced na apples
na nasa plate na I'm sure galing sa lab pati na din ng fresh milk. Umupo siya sa
upuan ni Riley,
nagtitinginan nga mga classmates ko kasi ang weird naman talaga eh.
"Eto kainin mo." sabi niya sa akin sabay lapag nung apples sa desk ko. "Hiniwa k
o pa yan sa
taas." pagmamalaki niya "Sabi nga nila an apple a day keeps the doctor away!"
Natawa lang ako sa kanya. Kahit pa naman wala akong sakit, Cyril knows how to ta
ke care of
me. Kaya nga parang kapatid ko na to eh. "Hindi mo naman kailangan gawin yan eh.
Kakain
naman ako eh."
"Ikaw?" he asked na parang nagulat pa siya "For sure hindi healthy kakainin mo k
aya
pasalamat ka sabay tayo sa lahat ng breaks."
"Oh paano ka lalandi?" I asked jokingly at tinignan niya ako ng masama. "Diba ma
y bago kang
nilalanding first year?" I asked, nilalandi kasi hindi naman niya nililigawan, n
ambobola lang
kumbaga.
"Sabi nga nila bros before hoes." He said at pinalo ko siya sa braso niya sa sob
rang tawa ko. He
just describe that girl... "Ikaw ang mas mahalaga kaysa sa mga nilalandi ko." he
said and smiled
at me genuinely.
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"Kahit si Jasmine?" I asked at nagulat ako sa lumabas sa bibig ko. Jasmine. Ilan
g taon na ba
ang nakalipas at ang pangalang Jasmine ay isa paring sour subject hindi lang kay
Cyril kundi sa
lahat?
"She's gone. So yeah." malamig na sagot ni Cyril sa akin. Kaklase na namin si Ja
smine since
kinder, close kami ni Jasmine dahil nung mga bata palang kami mahinhin na din ak
o. She was
the epitome of innocence and she was really beautiful.

Lahat ata ng lalaki may gusto sa kanya kaso Cyril was the only man she ever ackn
owledged to
court her. Grade 5 palang kami simula nung nagligawan yung dalawa at nung first
year na
kami, dun sinagot ni Jasmine si Cyril with her parent's approval.
Everybody liked Jasmine even the teachers and staffs. She was sweet and caring.
Lahat talaga
namangha sa kanya. At nung naging sila ni Cyril, ayos lang sa lahat, we even por
trayed them
as the perfect couple sa batch namin.
Pero isang araw, hindi na bumalik si Jasmine. Hindi na siya pumasok. Bigla nalan
g siyang nawala
parang bula. Kahit mga teachers hindi alam ang nangyari sa kanya. Kahit si Cyril
walang
kaalam-alam. Ang daming lumabas na balita tungkol sa kanya, iba sabi nag migrate
na sa
ibang bansa, at ang pinakamalala sa lahat ay kasama daw si Jasmine dun sa mga na
matay sa
paglubog nung MV Princess of the Stars.
Kung iisipin mo, pwede kasi nagpaalam pa si Jasmine kay Cyril na aalis sila ng f
amily niya muna
at pupunta sila ng Cebu. Eh diba sa Cebu ang route ng barkong iyon.
Pero hindi namin alam ang totoo. Sabi nila hindi pa daw nakukuha ni Jasmine yung
record niya
sa school, pero dineny ng school yun. But some think na hindi nagsasabi ng totoo
yung school.
Anyway, Jasmine is until now the Greatest unsolved Mystery of St. Peter High.
Simula nung nawala si Jasmine, wala ng naging girlfriends si Cyril, sabi ko nga
nanglalandi lang
siya pero hindi nangliligaw. Siguro sa isip niya sila parin ni Jasmine kasi they
never broke up.
Why am I telling you the story of Jasmine? This is my story.
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Kumain nalang ako ng tahimik, not wanting to say anything dahil baka ma-bad mood
pa si Cyril.
Para kay Cyril, Jasmine's name is a taboo. We don't talk about her.
"Have you ever thought that maybe she was really in that ship?" I asked out of c
uriosity. Ayaw
kong maging sour yung mood niya pero I'm really curious sa mga iniisip ni Cyril
tungkol sa
nangyari kay Jasmine.
"Kahit kailan hindi ko naramdaman na wala na siya sa mundo Mary." Cyril answered
me. "Hindi
pa siya patay."
"Pero bakit bigla siyang nawala? She didn't even say goodbye."
"Ewan ko." he said.
"Do you still love her?" I asked.
Tinignan niya ako "Diba ikaw na din nagsabi Mary, first love never dies." he sai
d. So inaamin na
din niya na si Jasmine parin after all these years. Wow.
"Won't you try to move on? Let go?"
"Bakit ikaw Mary? Kaya mo bang pakawalan si Louie?" he asked and looked at me pe
ro
yumuko ako, alam naman natin ang sagot niya and so I shook my head "That's what
I
thought." he said to me "Kung ikaw hindi mo kayang pakawalan si Louie kahit alam
mong hindi
na siya babalik, mas hindi ko kayang bumitaw sa pag-asa na babalik siya." Kawawa

naman
ang Cyril ko.
Still hoping that one day she'd come back. Pero siguro katulad ko alam na din ni
Cyril yung
totoo, she really did die in that ship. There was no other explanation kung baki
t bigla siyang
nawala, but still Cyril is not giving up. Still hoping for that day to come. Kah
it alam niya sa puso
niya yung totoo. Na hindi na babalik si Jasmine.
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Mahirap naman talagang bumitaw sa isang bagay na buong buhay hawak hawak mo na.
I changed the topic after that kaya nasiglahan na ulit si Cyril.
Napatingin kami ni Cyril sa likod ko nung tinawag ako bigla ni Allen, may hawak
hawak siyang
Chips ahoy at Chuckie. "Bakit?" I asked smiling at him.
"Binili kita ng favorite mo." sabi niya sabay alok sa akin nung Chips ahoy.
Tinignan naman ako ni Cyril, I know I know. The day I learned about me, napag-us
apan na
namin ni Cyril to. I need to end whatever it is with Allen. Pero nakakahiya nama
n kung hindi ko
tatanggapin yung alok niya. "Diba Mary may sasabihin ka kay Allen bat hindi mo p
a
sabihin." Cyril said at nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang sinasabi na Hindi k
o nakalimutan
yung pinangako mo sa akin.
I sighed. Ayokong mapahiya si Allen pero ayoko din naman baliin yung sinabi ko k
ay Cyril. He's
my best friend. But si Allen. "Uhhh....." tinignan ko si Cyril para siya na yung
magsalita.
"Nakadami na ng matamis si Mary kaya no thanks nalang daw." Cyril said to Allen.
Tas siniko siko
pa ako na parang sinasabi na Sabihin mo na o ako.
"Ahh Allen, pwede ba tayo magusap mamaya?" I asked him. Tama naman yung gagawin
ko eh.
Kasi si Kim nga pinalayo ko na dapat lang pati siya.
"Sige." ayun lang sinabi niya tas nilapag parin niya yung chips ahoy pati chucki
e sa desk ko at
naglakad siya palabas ng room.
Pinalo ko agad si Cyril nung wala na sa paningin ko si Allen. "Kaw lalaki ka!" I
said at
sinabunutan ko pa.
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"Aray aray!" he said. "Sorry na. Sabi mo dati tatapusin mo na eh!" he said. Nags
ipasukan na yung
mga classmates namin kaya siguro time na so tumayo na si Cyril at tinignan yung
labas,
pumasok na din si Allen kasama sila Ran. "Sige mamaya nalang." sabi niya sabay k
uha nung
binigay ni Allen "Sabi ko naman sayo eh, naka-quota ka na sa matamis!" he winked
at me at
tumakbo palabas at ang paglabas niya pumasok na yung teacher namin.
Nagsiupuan na sila.
Naglesson sympre yung teacher namin. Hindi naman kasi papatalo niyan.
"Ri" (Ray) pabulong kong tawag kay Riley, tumingin siya at halatang bored din. "
Naaalala mo
pa si Jasmine?" I asked. Okay I know, obsessed ako kay Jasmine today ewan ko ba

pero
nacurious ako sa babaeng yun.
Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay, ang bakla talaga tong si Riley! "Anong meron kay Jas
mine? Siguro
ikaw nagbanggit nung pangalan na iyon kay Cyril ano?" he asked.
"Paano mo naman nasabi may ginawa ba si Cyril?" I asked.
"Hindi mo ba nakita yung mukha ni Cyril nung lumabas siya ng room? Akala mo nata
lo sa
lotto." He said at nagmake sound pa ng tsk.
"Paano ba yung mukha ng natalo sa lotto?" I asked. Knowing him, mauuto ko to.
And yes, nagmake face siya at grabe tawa ako ng tawa pero mahina lang, napatingi
n sa amin
yung magkabilang side buti nalang nagsusulat sa blackboard yung teacher.
"Pero anong meron kay Jasmine? Bakit mo nabanggit yun kay Cyril?" he asked serio
usly.
I shrugged "Wala lang naisip ko lang kung bakit siya nawala ng hindi nagpapaalam
." I said.
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"Knowing Jasmine, may tinatago yun dati. Imposible naman kasing tahimik ka at wa
la kang
tinatago eh. Baka ayun yung dahilan." he said. "Pero wag mong gagawin yun Mary a
h! Yung
mawawala bigla." he said seriously. "Alam mo ba naglokohan sila Edmond na Jasmin
e II ka
daw." he said. "Muntik na ngang magkasuntukan sila Den at Edmond eh. Kasi naman
ang tagal
mong nawala."
Muntik ng may nag-away dahil lang dun? Pero sabi ko naman sainyo sour topic si J
asmine. Yung
joke na may Jasmine, dadagdag sa apoy na lumiliit na.
"Basta ah, pag aalis ka ulit, magpaalam ka naman sa amin o kaya mag paramdam ka
parin!" sermon niya.
Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya dahil alam ko hindi ko kayang ipangako sa kanya iyon d
ahil hindi ko
alam kung haggang kailan pa ako.
Siguro kaya ko nabanggit si Jasmine ngayong araw kasi alam ko na gagawin ko din
yung
ginawa niya. Ang mawala ng hindi nagpapaalam.
Betrayed by my own best friend
Allen broke up with Ate Ericka. Ayun yung sabi niya sa akin nung nag-usap kami n
ung araw na
bumalik ako sa school. Uwian na nun at dahil cleaners ako nun, nandun din siya n
aghihintay.
Hindi nalang siya pinansin nila Riley at naglinis na. Nang matapos kami at ako n
alang yung
natira pati siya kasi hinihintay ko pa si Ms. Ryn para sa pagche-check niya ng r
oom namin.
At isa pa wala pa si Cyril dahil may CAT sila nun at late uwi nila kaya hihintay
in ko muna siya.
Sabi niya kasi sabay kaming bababa at hahatid niya ako sa kotse at sasama pa daw
siya. Ewan
ko dun masyadong maalalanin.
Umupo kami ni Allen at dun niya sinabi sa akin na nung break sila nag break ni A
te Ericka at
tinanong niya ako kung pwede na ba daw akong maging girlfriend niya o kung gusto
ko daw
bang mangligaw din siya muna.
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90
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I freaked out that time. Hindi ko naman kasi alam na kaya niyang makipag break k
ay Ate Ericka
at yung mga iniisip ko nung panahon na iyon, tatapusin ko na kung anong meron ka
mi. Yung
MU thingy namin, it needed to end pero ayun siya telling me na mangliligaw siya.
I was saved by Ms. Ryn dahil dumating na siya at nag check ng classroom, pagkata
pos niyang
mag check saktong labasan na nila Cyril kaya hinatak ko na nun si Cyril palabas
ng school.
Sumakay agad ako sa kotse at ganun din si Cyril.
At since then umiiwas ako kay Allen, he tried to talk to me pero hindi ko hinaha
yaan na kaming
dalawa lang, palagi akong may kasama, tuwing break si Cyril at lunch naman sila
Carmina at
Ella yung kasama ko. Pag naghihintay ng teacher, hindi ko hinahayaang umalis sa
upuan si Riley
o kung mapilit si Riley na lumabas, pupunta ako sa upuan ni Carmina at dun muna
ako.
Sa mga texts niya at tawag hindi ko din iyon pinapansin. Wala lang sa akin yung
lahat pero sa
totoo naawa na ako sa kanya, kasi he was trying so hard to talk to me while I wa
s trying hard to
get away from him.
Pero eto yung tama kasi kahit pa break na sila ni Ate Ericka hindi pwedeng magin
g kami. May
sakit ako. At kailangan niyang lumayo na sa akin. Katulad ni Kim kailangan din n
iyang lumayo.
Kim loved me and it would hurt him when I die. At ganun din kay Allen, sabi niya
mahal daw
niya ako kaya mas maganda ng lumayo ngayon na hindi pa katulad ni Kim na mahal n
a mahal
ako.
Kasi hindi ako naniniwala na mahal na niya ako, pwede ba yun ma in love ka withi
n months of
knowing each other?
Today busy ang mga tao sa bawat departments kasama na din ako dun dahil member a
ko ng
Debate Team, ngayon kasi yung nominations sa buong school para sa mga quiz bee a
t mga
declamation at debate sa March.
Hindi kasi basta basta nakakasali yung isang student sa mga contest na gaganapin
sa March
dahil gusto ng school yung mga contestants sa March, magagaling at nerve-wrackin
g yung
event at magagawa lang yun kung lahat ng contenstants na kasali ay hindi agad ag
ad
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matatanggal sa first round kaya ngayon, nominations na, kumbaga sa March it will
be the Battle
of the Bests.
Madali lang yung sa amin sa debate team dahil obviously hindi kami kukuha ng con
testants na
wala sa ranking. Criteria for the debate would be dapat nasa overall ka. Hypocri
tical, I know.
Dahil ako wala na sa top but still this is my rule. At isa pa hindi naman ako ka
sali sa mag debate,

I'll be managing the event.


For the declamation naman, lahat ng gustong sumali ayos lang pero sympre ngayon
mamimili
yung mga judge kung sino sino yung finalists. Math club would hold a quiz bee as
well as the
History Club, pero in all honesty lahat ng club, quiz bee ngayon.
Masaya lang ngayong week kasi excused yung mga nag mamanage at isa ako dun.
"Guys pila na!" sigaw ni Ella sa amin, aakytat kasi isa kami sa audi para manood
ngayon, judge
kasi yung teacher namin para sa oras na to kaya pinaakyat nalang kami para hindi
na
magbigay ng seat work.
Pumila na kami pero maya maya lang nagkawatakwatak na din yung pila, umakyat kam
i sa
audi at nagsisimula na yung event, dahil ako yung nasa unahan, pinili ko yung sa
may right side
at umupo na sa harap. Sumunod naman yung mga classmate ko.
At dahil boring nagkwentuhan lang kami nila Ynna at Carmina. Pinipilit kong tuma
wa sa mga
jokes nilang dalawa kahit ang awkward ng pakiramdam ko kasi naman alam ko na may
nakatitig sa akin sa likod at sympre pinilit kong wag tignan si Allen.
Ang hirap kaya na tatawa ka kahit pakiradam mong awkward na. Siguro ramdam ni Ca
rmina
yung awkwardness kaya tawa lang din ng tawa. Siya lang kasi yung nakakaalam abou
t kay
Allen sa section namin. Ewan ko nga kung bakit niya nalaman basta isang araw nag
tanong
nalang siya.
Napatingin kami ni Ynna sa stage nung may nagsalita emcee ata yun eh. Hindi ko s
iya kilala
ewan ko bakit. Pero dapat kilala ko siya dahil emcee siya at isa ako sa mga nagm
amanage ng
events ngayon. Kaya siniko ko si Ynna at bumulong sa kanya kung sino yun.
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Pero si Ynna naman nilakasan yung sagot niya "Si Liu yan."sagot niya na sobrang
lakas. "Crush
mo ano!" inis pa niya.
Tinignan ko siya na parang baliw na siya at sasagot sana sa kanya kaso sumabat s
i Riley na
umupo sa desk ng upuan ko at umakbay pa sa akin. "Crush mo yan?" gamit yung bibi
g niya
tinuro niya yung Liu. Kinurot ko yung tagiliran niya "Uyy denial!" inis pa niya.
"Epal kayo. Nagtatanong lang kung sino!" I defended myself. Wala akong time para
maghanap
ng bagong crush.
Nung bumaba yung Liu, tinawag pa naman ni Riley, close ata sila eh. Ewan ko pero
feeling ko
pulang pula na ako sa ginagawa ni Riley sa akin. "Kev si Mary." pagpapakilala ni
ya "Mary ayan
oh si Kevin Liu."
Tinignan ko siya ng masama pero natawa lang si Riley. Tas tinignan ko si Ynna at
ayun nauna
pang makipag shake hands kasi ayaw kong tanggapin yung kamay nung Liu. Pero dahi
l mapilit
sila edi ginagwa ko na, alam niyo yung feeling na parang may masamang elemento n
akatingin
sayo sa likod ayun yung pakiramdam ko kasi alam ko nakikita ni Allen yun.
Habang hindi pa sila tinatawag ulit sa stage nandun lang si Liu nakatayo sa hara

p ko habang si
Riley naka-akbay parin sila yung naguusap ngayon. "Crush ka daw ni Mary." sabi n
i Riley.
Tinignan naman ako ni Liu at sabay sa pagpalo ko ng malakas kay Riley ang padabo
g na
pagtayo ni Allen.
Tinignan ko yung likod ni Allen na naglalakad paalis. Gusto ko siyang puntahan.
Gusto kong
sabihin na hindi ko crush yung Kevin Liu kaso nakita ko na nakaupo si Cyril sa m
ay gitna at
nakatingin sa akin. I sighed dahil alam kong hindi yun papayag.
Binalik ko nalang yung tingin ko sa harap "Anong problema nun?" tanong ni Riley
sabay lingon
din sa harap.
"Lagi nalang bv yun si Allen." sabi ni Ynna "Simula nung naghiwalay sila ni Eric
ka."
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"Baka hindi pa maka-move on." sabi naman ni Carmina na nakatingin sa akin.
Hayy buhay. Tinanggal ko yung kamay ni Riley sa akin at tumayo na ako "Nice to m
eet you
pala." I smiled to Kevin Liu at tinignan ko sila Carmina "CR lang ako." sabi ko
sabay lakad.
Bahala na si Batman. Kawawa naman si Allen eh, kaya pansinin ko nalang muna. Bah
ala na
kung sermonan ako mamaya ni Cyril sama mo pa si Carmina. Pero I have this urge t
o comfort
Allen. Hindi ko alam pero gusto ko siyang i-comfort siguro kasi sa kanilang dala
wa ni Kim, hindi
ko nagawang i-comfort si Kim kahit kailan.
Kahit kailan laging ako nalang yung kino-comfort dati ni Kim at ng ibang tao. Pu
ro ako nalang
simula pa dati at mas dumagdag pa yun nung nalaman na may sakit ako. Siguro epip
hany to.
Wow.
Nakita ko si Allen sa may likod at nasa loob ng cr ng boys, hindi ko tinignan yu
ng loob ng cr ah.
Nasa labas lang kasi siya ng cr kaya kita ko siya, nakatalikod siya at hindi pum
apasok.
Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya, hinawakan ko siya sa may balikat niya at nagulat
ata siya sa
akin "Mary?" he called at ngumiti lang ako sa kanya.
Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa akin kasi nung humarap na siya sa akin, hinawa
kan ko siya
sa mukha niya, hindi ako affectionate na tao alam yan ng lahat ng nakakakilala s
a akin. Hindi
ako showy sa feelings ko, nawi-weirduhan pa nga ako pag nagiging ganito ako. Per
o hindi ko
alam kung bakit ko to ginagawa.
"Sorry." I told him sincerely habang nakatingin sa mga mata niya.
Bigla nalang niya akong niyakap, yung sobrang higpit, hindi ako makagalaw, naiip
it yung
kamay ko sa dibdib niya pero gustong gusto ko din siyang yakapin. "Ayos lang. Ay
os
lang." paulit ulit niyang sabi sa akin.
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"Hindi ko crush yun." pag-aamin ko sa kanya, kahit I see no reason on telling hi

m that
information.
"Mahal kita Mary, please naman kausapin mo na ako ulit." he said habang yakap ya
kap parin
niya ako.
Buti nalang at nasa likod kami at busy lahat manood sa stage at walang tumitingi
n sa amin.
Kundi chismis na naman to.
I sighed at humiwalay na ako sa kanya. Ngumiti nalang ako sa kanya. "Sige kakaus
apin na ulit
kita." I said. I've decided hindi man pwedeng maging kami, pwede pa naman maging
magkaibigan diba?
Siguro dapat kay Kim din gawin ko to. Makipag-ayos na din ako kay Kim dapat. Par
a kahit pa
mamatay na ako, no regrets. Sasama ako kay Louie na masaya ako dahil madami akon
g
naging kaibigan.
Pagkatapos nun sabay kaming bumalik sa harap at umupo ako dun sa pwesto ko, si A
llen
naman tumabi sa akin kasi lumipat si Ynna sa likod para makipagchismisan. Nakita
ko kung
paano nawala yung ngiti ni Carmina kanina nung naglakad kami and how she shook h
er head
disapprovingly sa pag-upo ni Allen.
Ayaw din niya kay Allen. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ayaw nila kay Allen. M
abait naman
siya eh. Siguro nga may ugali si Allen pero mabait naman siya eh.
Dahil dala dala ko yung bag ko, kinuha ko yung pagkain ko. Nagugutom kasi ako eh
at lunch
na maya maya kaya might as well eat a snack diba?
Nilabas ko yung mga Pocky ko, binigay ko yung isang box sa likod at isa naman ka
y Carmina
peace offering ko na din. Tas yung isa pa, binuksan ko na at inalok ko kay Allen
kumuha siya at
kumain na kami. Nakangiti siya ngayon.
Mabuti naman at medyo umaayos na yung pakiramdam niya. Nagi-guilty kasi ako eh.
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Lumapit si Liu kasama si Riley na nakaakbay sa kanya, nakita ni Riley na kumakai
n ako kaya
ngumiti siya, favorite niya kasi to, nilahad ko yung box at sympre kumuha siya,
inalok ko na din si
Liu at ayun nahiya pa pero kumuha siya. Pansin ko na nakasimangot si Allen kaya
tumingin ako
sa kanya at ngumiti.
At ngumiti din siya sa akin, siguro nagets niyang nakikipagkaibigan lang ako sa
tao.
Maya maya din, gutom na talaga ako, pero hindi pa kasi tapos yung program. Nakak
ainis lang.
Napansin kong may tao sa may gilid ko na nakatayo at tinignan ko kung sino, si C
yril lang pala
pero yung tingin niya alam kong galit siya sa akin.
"Tara na kain na tayo." pagaya niya sa akin tas tumingin siya kay Allen na nakas
imangot.
Kung iba siguro maga-assume na nagseselos si Cyril pero alam ko yung totoo. Hay
buhay. "Hindi
pa tapos yung program ah." sabi ni Allen.
"Hindi naman ikaw yung inaaya ko. Mary tara na." sabi ni Cyril at alam kong dapa
t sumunod na

ako sa kanya, kasi nga katulad din siya ni Louie, pag galit na dapat sinusunod m
o na para wala
ng gulo.
Tumayo na ako at tumingin muna kay Allen. "Kain lang kami." sabi ko sa kanya.
"Baka hanapin ka ni Ms." sabi pa niya.
Ngumiti nalang ako sa kanya kasi sure akong nagpaalam na si Cyril kay Ms. na kak
ain na ako.
Kailangan ko pa kasing uminom ng gamot. "Hayaan mo siya." sagot ko at tumalikod
sa kanya
at hinarap si Cyril at ngumiti ako sa kanya kahit alam kong kahit anong ngiti ko
galit na siya. I
linked my hand to his arm at nagpacute sa kanya "Tara?" I said at tumango lang s
iya naglakad
na kami "Sorry na Cy-Cy." sabi ko.
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He sighed "Kumain nalang tayo." sabi niya kaya bumaba na kami at pumasok sa Home
Ec lab.
Kahit hindi pa ako special talagang minsan dito ako kumakain pero ngayon talagan
g mas
preferred na dito nalang ako kumain para tago pag umiinom na ako ng gamot kasi a
ayusin pa
ni Cyril yung gamot ko.
Hinanda na ni Cyril yung baon ko na dinala ni Yaya. Kumain kami ng tahimik pero
I couldn't take
the silence kaya tumigil ako ganun din siya, tinignan lang niya ako "Sorry na ka
si Cy. Bahala ka
pag hindi mo ako kinausap hindi na kita papansinin kahit kailan." I said.
"Kasi naman nangako ka na Mary."
"Break na sila!"
"So kung break na sila, hindi mo titigilan niyan?" Tanong niya "Sabi mo dati aya
w mo yun pero
bakit ngayon?"
"I'm trying." I said at yumuko na ako "Sinusubukan ko naman eh. At hindi ko nama
n siya
nilapitan kasi gusto kong maging kami, nilapitan ko siya kasi Cy gusto ko ng mag
ing maayos
yung lahat. Friends. Please Cy pumayag ka naman na maging friends kami." sabi ko
"Kasi
napag decide na ako na dapat makipag ayos na ako sa kanila ni Kim so please."
"Mary kung sayo kaibigan lang, aasa at aasa sila. Hindi ko gustong maging masama
pero Mary
ikaw na nagsabi sa akin, hindi mo na kayang ibigay yung gusto nila, kasi sarado
na yan at si
Louie lang at dahil may sakit ka. Una hindi ako pumapabor sa dahilan mong may sa
kit ka kasi
gagaling ka at hindi ka naman mamatay pero sabi mo kasi kaya ayaw mo na din kasi
hindi mo
naman kayang magmahal na. Natatandaan mo pa ba yung una mong sinabi sa akin nung
tinanong kita tungkol kay Kim? Sabi mo it will always be Louie." Cyril said. Tam
a naman siya
eh "Aasa sila Mary. Si Allen aasa na pwedeng maging kayo ganun din si Kim. Pareh
o silang
aasa. Friends sige kung ayan yung gusto mo pero para sa kanila, pwede pa nilang
i-widen yun.
Aasa sila na pwede. Na pwede pa."
Naiiyak na ako sa mga sinasabi ni Cyril kasi parang pinapalabas niya na pinapaas
a ko yung
dalawa. Hindi naman diba? Gusto ko lang naman bumalik sa dati eh, gusto ko lang

yung
dating buhay ko.
Hindi na ako sumagot kay Cyril at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain. After eating, nilaba
s na ni Cyril
yung mga gamot kong kailangan niyang i-crush para lang mainom ko. Pati yung Chuc
kie.
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Iuna niya yung syrup tas yung crush na gamot na nilagay sa tubig, mapait pero ka
ilangan kasi
hindi ko kayang uminom ng mga capsule o tablet. After that yung chewable na.
"Tara na sa clinic." sabi niya sa akin at pumunta na kami. Isa sa mga gamot ko t
inuturok sa akin
once a week at since it's Friday eto yung time for me to have that medicine.
?
Nag-uwian na at gloomy na ako dahil sa nangyari sa amin ni Cyril, alam kong gali
t siya pero
naghintay parin siya sa labas ng classroom at sabay parin kaming lumabas. Nung n
asa tapat na
kami ng sasakyan, binuksan na ni Manong Rod yung pinto tas pumasok na siya sa dr
iver seat.
"May gagawin pa ako. Kita nalang tayo sa Monday." paalam ni Cyril sa akin at bum
alik siya sa
loob ng school.
Pagpasok ko sa sasakyan, umiyak na ako. Sabi ni Manong Rod wag na daw akong umiy
ak
gusto kong sabihin sa kanya pati ba yung pag-iyak bawal na din ngayon? Na lahat
nalang
bawal dahil nakakasama sa akin.
Galit sa akin lahat ng lalaking mahalaga sa akin. Si Kim, hindi ko alam kung kay
a kong ayusin
yun. Si Cyril na akala ko kahit kailan hindi magagalit sa akin kasi dati ako yun
g nagtatampo
pero hindi siya, kahit anong inis ko sa kanya, hindi siya nagagalit pero ngayon
galit siya sa akin.
And I badly wanted to talk to someone.
Pag-uwi ko, I decided na kakausapin ko si Kim. Alam ko selfish ako kasi tatawaga
n ko siya
ngayon dahil wala akong makausap pero kasi nassaktan ako at nag-iisa.
Pagpasok ko sa kwarto ko, binuksan ko na agad yung laptop ko, naka-sleep lang na
man kasi
yun eh, tas online naman ako kaya hihintayin ko nalang din si Kim.
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Hindi na muna ako nagpalit at nakatunganga lang ako sa desk ko, inangat ko yung
legs ko at
niyakap ito habang nakatingin sa screen.
Nag buzz kaya matamlay kong binuksan yung email sa akin ni Claire. At sobra akon
g nasaktan
kasi saktong sakto pagkakita ko nung email nag-online na si Kim.
Ang sakit sakit. Bakit ganun sila sa akin? Bakit nila to ginagawa sa akin? Sobra
na ba akong
masama kaya nila ako niloloko ng ganito? Kaya ba gumaganti sila sa akin, sobra b
a talaga
akong makasarili at nagagalit lahat ng tao sa akin?
Bakit ganito? Akala ko ba best friend ko siya? Bakit niya nagawa to sa akin.
Ngayon lang akong nagpakitang online kay Kim, kaya siguro nag pm siya sa akin pe
ro hindi ko

siya makausap kahit mag pm pa siya ng pm. I felt betrayed.


No. That would be an understatement to what I feel right now.
Claire just emailed me a picture of Kim and Phat together. It was a link sa isan
g news sa school
nila ni Phat. Kim was invited sa isang event sa school nila Phat and he was Phat
's date.
Sissy, what do you want me to do? I swear I didn't know about it. Phat came in w
ith him and she
told everyone they're dating. That bitch.
Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak dahil sobra akong nasasaktan, hindi ako nagreply kay C
laire at si
Kim naman patuloy sa pagp-pm sa akin. I feel so disgusted.
My own best friend betrayed me. Alam ko naman na hindi ako dapat nagagalit kasi
wala
akong claim kay Kim, hindi akin si Kim pero Phat knew how badly I miss Kim, alam
niyang hindi
kami maayos ni Kim, alam niya lahat ng nangyayari pero nagawa niya akong traydor
in.
Bakit ganun? Ganun ba niya kagusto si Kim na handa siyang sirain yung pagkakaibi
gan namin?
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If so, then siya ang nauna.
Ngayon ko nalang ulit naramdaman na nag-iisa ako.
He's the reason why I'm hurting
"Don't ever let them feel like they've won. Stand up and show them how my Mary c
an stand up
on her own and fight."
Louie once told me that nung nagkaaway away kami ng mga friends ko sa school. Sa
bi niya
maging malakas ako at tumayo mag-isa.
Tama siya. Dapat maging malakas ako. Hindi dapat ako umiiyak ngayon. Natraydor m
an ako
ng sarili kong best friend dapat bumangon parin ako. Hindi ako papatalo kay Phat
, kasi katulad
niya kaya ko rin lumaban. Lumaki kaming sabay kaya I know her. At parehas kami,
kaya nga
naging magkaibigan kami kasi parehas kami ng ugali, what we want, we get.
Umayos ako ng upo at pinunsan ko yung luha ko at sinave ko yung picture ni Kim a
t Phat. Tas
sinagot ko din yung pm ni Kim with sending him the picture.
Mary: Bagay kayo. I wish you all the best! :)
Tas ginawa ko na yung dapat kong gawin, in our circle we don't want traitors sa
group. I sent
them all an email containing the picture and what I can say about it.
Look guys, my own best friend betrayed me. Sinabi ko lang sa kanya na may proble
ma kami ni
Kim, eto siya nakikipag date sa lalaking yun. Let's all be happy for her.
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Ang bitter ko ba pero masama bang maging bitter kung yun sarili mong best friend
niloko ka?
She betrayed me. Pinaniwala niya ako na hindi na niya gusto si Kim pero eto siya
, nakikipag
date sa lalaking yun!
Online sila Lani at nagulat sila kaya nagsi-conference call kaming lahat.
"Mary ayos ka lang ba?" tanong ni Cass sa akin. "Hindi ko akalain na magagawa ya
n ni

Phat." she said.


Ako din. Hindi ko inakala na kaya ni Phat piliin si Kim kaysa sa friendship nami
n.
"I didn't know she was this desperate." Elle commented.
"Guys let's hear Phat first bago tayo mang husga." sabi ni Lani. Of course dahil
wala na si Louie si
Lani na yung nagiging buffer namin. Neutral lagi. Kailan kaya niya ako kakampiha
n?
"What Lani? Hindi pa ba sapat yung picture na yun? Alam naman natin lahat na nag
-away si
Mary at Kim." sabi ni Elle.
"Pero malay natin hindi sila nagdadate."
"Sinabi niya sa mga tao na they're dating." sabat ko.
Nakita kong nagpm ulit si Kim.
Kevin Ian Montenegro: Mary, I'm sorry. If you're hurt I didn't mean it I promise
. I was just hurt
please do forgive me.
Hindi ko yun pinansin. Didn't mean it. I know he meant it.
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"What's all this guys?" narinig ko yung boses ni Phat sa conference call namin n
ila Lani. "Why the
sudden call?"
"Sino nagsali sa kanya!" I asked furiously.
"Ako Mary, sabi ko naman we need to hear her." Lani said.
"Ayoko! Traydor yan! Mangloloko! Bakit ko siya papakinggan!?" I yelled.
"Mary your health." pagpapaalala ni Elle sa akin.
"Ano bang sinasabi mo louch?" she asked me and addressed me through our endearme
nt.
Eeww.
"Traydor ka." I said straighly "You betrayed me." I said "Paano mo nagawa yun Ph
at? Paano mo
nagawang idate si Kim?" I asked her.
"Mary." she called "I'm sorry."
"Sorry ayun lang? Ayun lang yun? Niloko mo ako!"
I saw Kim pm-ed me again.
Kevin Ian Montenegro: Please talk to me. I didn't mean it. I wanted to get even
and I thought that
by using Tricia I can hurt you, but I made a mistake. I don't want to hurt you p
lease Mary. The
dates it didn't mean anything. She came during Thanksgiving and I complained to
her about you
and Louie, she said so many things that I just wanted to get even to you. I was
so frustrated
hearing his name so I decided to do it. Please Mary, please don't hate me. It al
ready ended. I
told her that I can't.
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"Paano kita niloko? Hindi naman kayo ni Ian? Kayo ba? Bakit ka ba nagagalit?" Ph
at asked,
ayan lumabas na yung Phat na maldita.
"Phat!" Cass said "Hindi lang si Mary yung niloko mo pati kami. Alam mong hindi
maayos yung
relationship nila pero sumingit ka pa." she said.
Habang nasa tenga ko yung phone nakatingin lang ako sa mga pm ni Kim.
Kevin Ian Montenegro: I'd do anything you want me to do, just talk to me and tel
l me you forgive

me. I can't lose you like this. Tricia was nothing, you know that right? That yo
u are the only one
that I love? No one not even Tricia can take your place. Talk to me. I promise M
ary, I won't be
jealous with Louie. I'll accept that he will always be mention. The package deal
. I am alright with
that.
Hindi ko na napakinggan yung mga bangayan nila Phat at Ella dahil binabasa ko yu
ng mga pm
ni Kim, hindi lang yan yung pm niya madami pa at yung isa siniraan ako ni Phat.
"Bakit mo ako siniraan kay Kim?" I asked her "Bakit ka pumunta sa Thanksgiving d
inner nila? Are
you even invited? Ganun ka na ba kadesperada Phat at nagsalita ka na ng masama t
ungkol sa
akin pati kay Louie?" I asked her.
"Anong ibig mong sabihin Mary?" Lani asked.
"Bakit hindi mo tanungin si Phat?" I said "Tutal ang dami niya kasing alam tungk
ol sa amin ni
Louie eh." I said bitterly. "Wala na nga si Louie dinamay mo pa para lang makuha
mo si Kim.
Kaibigan mo si Louie pero kung ano anong sinabi mo tungkol sa kanya. Anong karap
atan
mong tawagin sarili mo bilang kaibigan ni Louie kung ganyan lang trato mo sa kan
ya?" I asked
at hindi ko na napigilan yung luha ko kasi yung mga sinabi ni Phat kay Louie nap
akasakit lang.
Hindi ko hahayaan na siraan niya si Louie. Louie was a great guy and he was perf
ect. He made
no mistakes pero eto ngayon sinisiraan siya ni Phat.
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"Louie treated you like a sister, he never said anything to you pero bakit ganun
ka Phat? Bakit
ganun kadali para sayo na sirain yung pagkakaibigan natin? Sabi ko mapapatawad k
ita at si
Kim yung hindi ko papatawarin kasi sabi naman niya you were just someone he used
to get
back at me." I said.
"What? I don't believe you." Phat said.
"Nag pm sa akin si Kim ngayon. Kaya nga nalaman ko yung mga pinagsasabi mo eh. L
ouie was
a player? Louie was psychopath? Louie took my virginity? Louie hurt me physicall
y? Pero
tinanggap ko parin siya na ganun ko kamahal si Louie. Ayun diba yung sinabi mo k
ay Kim. Na
kahit sinasaktan tayo ni Louie, tanggap ko parin siya." I said through gritted t
eeth. "Na walang
respeto si Louie kahit kanino? Na dahil best friend mo ako kaya hinahayaan mo la
ng si Louie
pero sa totoo ayaw mo dito dahil sa ugali niya? How dare you."
"Sinabi mo yun Phat?" It was Lani's voice. "Sinabi mo yun tungkol kay Louie?" sh
e cried "Kapatid
ko yung siniraan mo. Kapatid ko na tinanggap ka nung naglayas ka sa inyo. Kapati
d ko na
kahit kailan hindi ka sinaktan. Kapatid ko na nung may nambastos sayo, nakipag a
way siya at
na ground at hindi niya inamin kay mommy at daddy yung nangyari tas ngayon sinir
aan mo
siya? Wala ka bang utang na loob sa mga ginawa sayo ni Louie?" she yelled. "Kapa

tid ko yun.
Nananahimik na si Louie pero sinisiraan mo siya. Kailan ka niya sinaktan ha Phat
? Kailan niya
tayo sinaktan? Kailan siya nawalan ng respeto? Kailan siya naging babaero kung b
uong buhay
niya si Mary lang ang minahal niya?"
"Lani, wag kang maniwala kay Mary hindi ko yan sinabi." Phat cried.
"So sinasabi mo na nagsisinungaling si Mary? Si Mary na kahit kailan hindi kayan
g pakawalan si
Louie? Si Mary na may marinig lang na masamang bagay tungkol kay Louie nagwawala
na?" Elle said I knew she was crying.
"Hindi totoo yan please maniwala kayo sa akin. Galit lang si Mary sa akin kaya s
inasabi niya
yan. Nagseselos siya kasi nawala sa kanya si Kim kaya ginagamit niya si Louie ng
ayon para
madivide tayo."
"No Phat ikaw yung nag divide sa atin." Cass said. "Kilala ko si Mary, ou nagali
t siya kay Louie
kasi iniwan siya nito pero kahit kailan hindi niya sisiraan si Louie kahit pa an
ong mangyari. She'll
always choose Louie. She'll always praise him no matter what. Phat, Louie never
did hit us. He
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was overly protective, overbearing pero mahal na mahal tayong lahat." she cried.
"How can
you say things like that about him?"
"Sorry guys. Hindi ko naman sinasadya eh, lumabas lang talaga siya nung nakausap
ko si Ian.
Please guys sorry." Phat cried.
Umiyak lang ako kasi sinisi pa niya ako. At kasi yung mga kaibigan namin, hindi
nila ako sinisi,
hindi sila nagbintang. Kilala nga talaga nila ako. Pero umiiyak ako dahil sobran
g sakit ng mga
nangyayari.
"You knew the mention of Louie's name would drive Kim crazy kaya mo sinabi. Alam
mo yun.
Pumunta ka dun sa dinner na yun, desidido sa gagawin mo. I can forgive Kim alam
mo bakit?
Kasi sinabi niya sa akin ngayon, tatanggapin na niya na laging kasama si Louie,
na package
deal kami ni Louie. Pero ikaw I won't ever forgive you. I won't dahil hindi lang
yung
pagkakaibigan natin yung sinira mo pati na din kay Louie. In behalf of Louie, yo
u are no longer
part of my life." I said.
I'd miss Phat. I will. Pero after what she did, I can never fogive her. Ayos pa
una sa akin kung ako
lang yung siraan niya kaso si Louie na, that was a low blow. Hindi ko hahayaan n
a masira yung
image ni Louie. Louie was someone you can always look up to.
Nag-iyakan lang muna kaming lahat at walang nagsalita sa amin.
"I've decided." nagsalita si Lani bigla "The treaty we all thought we won't ever
use, will take
effect." she said and I heard gasps sa phone.
"No. Please Lani." Phat pleaded.
"No. Tama lang." Lani said. "Bukas na bukas din sasabihan ko na sila Aya." she s
aid and she was
determined. "Guys are you with me?"

"Yes." sagot nila Elle at Cass.


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"Mary?" she called. The treaty. Tama, dati akala namin kahit kailan hindi namin
ito magaamit
pero eto kami ngayon.
"Do it." tama lang yun. Tama lang yun.
"Then Phat you are never allowed to step foot here in Manila." Lani said. Yes th
at was the treaty
before. We'd remained friends but she will be banished. Bawal na.
"What about me? Dapat hindi din kayo pwedeng pumunta dito sa New York." Phat sai
d.
"Vacation is allowed. At isa pa, we won't want to see you there kaya better leav
e New York.
Claire is there." Lani said. Sometimes may pagka mean si Lani pero she's fair "Y
ou wouldn't want
Claire's wrath don't you?"
"New York is mine!" Phat said.
"Edi dun ka sa baba ng New York." Elle said. "Schoolmate mo pa naman si Claire n
gayon. Mag
home school ka nalang ulit."
"Guys yaan niyo na siya sa New York. Hindi naman tayo pupunta diyan sa infected
na city na
yan. We could always go nalang sa Paris virus free." I said.
Alam ko kung gaano ka gusto ni Phat yung New York at papaalisin pa ba namin siya
sa isang
lugar na tanggap siya?
"You're right." Sabi ni Cass
And just like that, all the years of our friendship drained. Wala na. Dahil lang
sa kagustuhan
niyang mapunta sa kanya si Kim.
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I didn't talk to Kim too. Kahit pa sabihin natin na si Phat yung may kasalan, it
won't be right. Kim
did his part. Siya ang dahilan kung bakit nasira yung pagkakaibigan namin. Kung
bakit nasiraan
si Louie.
Siya yung dahilan ngayon kung bakit ako nasasaktan. Hindi ko akalain na darating
yung
panahon na si Kim, na nangako na kahit kailan hindi niya ako sasaktan, na mamaha
lin lang
niya ako would be the reason why I'm hurting.
Why I'm so much in pain. Because of him, I lost my best friend. Because of him,
I feel so alone.
The First Episode
After hysterically crying, nanghina ako at hindi makahinga, buti nalang at pumas
ok si Yaya sa
kwarto ko at ayun nagmadali siyang ilagay sa akin yung oxygen mask at pinahiga a
ko sa kama
ko. Pinakalma niya ako pero I can't calm down.
Iyak lang ako ng iyak. Hindi ko na nga alam kung bakit ako umiiyak eh.
"Mary, tama na iyak. Nakakasama sayo." sabi ni Yaya.
Pero hindi ako tumigil sa pag-iyak ko kasi eto nalang yung kaya kong gawin ngayo
n: ang
umiyak. Tas ipagbabawal pa nila sa akin. Lahat nalang bawal. Bawal tumawa ng mal
akas,
bawal maglaro, bawal mapagod, pati eto ngayon, bawal ng umiyak.

Lahat na nawala sa akin. Simula nung nagkasakit ako nawala na sa akin ang lahat.
Lahat lahat
wala na. Hindi ko naman hiniling tong buhay na to eh. They can take it if they w
ant. Hindi ko to
gusto. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung may makasama ako, yung may kaibigan akong
kahit
kailan nasa tabi ko lang. Pero kinuha din sa akin yan eh.
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Una si Louie. Tas ngayon si Phat at Kim. Nawala na sa akin. Hindi na sila babali
k pa.
I hate myself. I hate it so much that I want to die. Ngayon ko lang to naramdama
n simula nung
nalaman kong may HCM ako, ngayon ko lang ginustong mamatay. Ayoko na dito kasi s
obra
akong nasasaktan. I can't take this anymore. My life is not what it should be.
Where's my happy ever after?
Yaya called Karl at dumating agad si Karl, he was at school pero dumating siya b
igla para sa
akin, umiyak ako sa kanya, tanong siya ng tanong kung anong nangyari pero hindi
ko masabi
kasi alam ko pag sinabi ko sa kanya, mawawalan din siya.
Alam kong selfish ako pero ayoko naman na pati si Karl mawalan. That's his best
friend. All his life,
sila ang magkasama. I can't take that away from my cousin.
Pinilit niya ako pero hindi ko sinabi. That's when he called Lani and asked what
was wrong with
me and yeah by the looks of it, nalaman ni Karl.
"Ginawa niya yun sayo couz?" he asked me and he was furious.
I nodded and he hugged me once again "Karl ang sakit sakit kasi si Phat yun. Bes
t friend ko.
Okay lang na mag move on siya kasi ayun yung gusto ko Karl pero bakit niya ginam
it si Phat." I
cried. Kakasabi ko lang na hindi ako magsasalita pero eto ako ngayon sinasabi an
g lahat sa
pinsan ko.
He's all I got. Siguro nga tama lang maging selfish tutal mamatay din naman ako
eh. Edi dapat
nasa tabi ko yung pinsan ko. Akin nalang muna siya.
"I'm so sorry Mary. Ako may kasalanan nito. Kung hindi ko siya pinayagan na magp
akilala sayo
edi dapat hindi na to nangyari." he said alam kong umiiyak si Karl, minsan lang
siya umiyak pero
ramdam kong nasasaktan si Karl. Kasi yung sarili niyang best friend sinaktan ako
. "I'm so sorry
couz." he kept on repeating it.
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I shook my head kasi hindi naman niya kasalanan pero eto siya nagso-sorry. Eto s
iya sinisisi ang
lahat sa sarili niya. Hindi naman niya kasalanan eh. Ako to eh pati si Kim. Kasa
lanan namin. Pero
mas kasalanan ko dahil pinaasa ko si Kim.
Tama, kanina sinisisi ko si Kim pero napagisip-isip ako, kasalanan ko pala. Umpi
sa palang
kasalanan ko na. I should have not led Kim on, kung alam kong kahit kailan hindi
ko kayang
mag let go. I shouldn't have.

"Hindi mo kasalanan Karl, wag kang humingi ng tawad because this is not your fau
lt it's mine. I
shouldn't have led him on. If I only..." I cried.
"No no couz, wag mong sisisihin ang sarili mo ah. Wala kang ginawang mali. Siya
ang may mali.
Hindi ikaw. Kami pero hindi ikaw. Never naging ikaw ang may mali. It is not wron
g to love
someone so deep that you can't seem to let go. It's not wrong to hold on to Loui
e." Karl said.
Dati maraming may sabi na mali yung ginagawa ko, na dapat lang na bumitaw na ako
kay
Louie, pero eto ngayon, the odds are in my favor. Pero bakit ramdam ko parin na
mali ako?
"I'll fix this couz. You won't ever see Kim again. We won't talk about him anymo
re. He's no longer
part of our world. He's just somebody we used to know." Karl said. And I saw how
sad and angry
his eyes were. Sad because he had decided na wala na yung friendship nila ni Kim
, angry dahil
nagawa sa akin yun ni Kim.
Alam ko iniisip ni Karl, kung nagawa sa akin to ni Kim then para kay Kim walang
regards yung
pagkakaibigan nila. Alam ko ganyan ang iniisip niya na walang halaga yung pinags
amahan
nila. Karl is someone who can't just forgive and forget. Nasa pamilya namin yang
trait na yan
and Karl, he got that trait more. Mas deep si Karl. He hold grudges deeply.
At etong nangyayaring to, I don't know kung gusto kong mangyari yun. Hindi ko al
am kung ayos
lang bang masira yung pagkakaibigan nung dalawa dahil sa akin. Hindi ko alam. Ay
oko, kasi
nakikita ko yung friendship namin ni Louie kay Karl at Kim.
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A friendship where you each accept each other's flaws, wherein trust and faith i
s the foundation
of it, a friendship designed to love unconditionally. And that kind of friendshi
p it will be good if it
will last forever.
Parang pag tinignan natin ang bromance pero those two love each other as brother
s. Kahit
anong gawin nila isang pamilya na yung turing nila sa isa't isa. Pero I got invo
lved. I entered their
lives. And now it's payback time.
Karl would choose me over Kim. We're family. Sabi nga nila blood will always be
thicker than
water and it's true. Kasi ngayon here is Karl promising me things will change, t
hat Kim will be
gone in our lives. And I ruined it.
I broke their friendship.
Bumaba si Karl para kumuha ng makakain ko dahil simula nung umuwi ako galing sch
ool hindi
pa ako kumakain at kailangan ko daw kumain para makainom ako ng gamot.
Tumayo ako sa pagkakahiga ko sa kama at nagpunta sa may desk ko kung nasaan yung
picture namin nila Phat. And I didn't know what came to me during that moment bu
t I threw it
and broken glasses where everywhere.
Nagwala ako sa sarili kong kwarto at hinagis lahat ng mga bagay sa loob and I cr
ied harder.

Everything in my life is a mess just like my room now. Broken glasses all over t
he carpeted floor,
broken lampshades, picture frames and everything.
Hindi ko na alam yung nangyayari sa buhay ko. Dati naman simple lang to. Dati I
go to school
to study and make friends then pag uwian na Louie would be there to pick me up a
nd we'd
hang out. I missed those days. I missed being carefree. I missed being normal.
Ngayon bago na yung buhay ko. Buhay na wala si Louie, buhay na may sakit ako at
anytime I
can die due to cardiac arrest, buhay na lahat ng kaibigan ko isa isa ng nawawala
sa akin. Life
where everyone around me is pitying the life I have now. The life of a teenage H
CM patient.
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Sa totoo lang I hate my life now. Yes it's true I've always hated my life. Sino
ba naman gustong
mabuhay na lagi ka nalang nasa dulo, pero ngayon I hate it so much that I want t
o die. I hate it
so much and I can't take it. I can't endure another day like this.
I sat on the floor crying and thinking what should I do with my life. Hindi ko n
a alam ang gagawin
ko. I can't stand up and pretend I'm ok kasi these past few weeks I've been doin
g that. I've been
pretending pero ang hirap hirap na kasi kahit pa dati ko pa nagagawang mag prete
nd na ayos
ako, na ayos ang lahat mas mahirap na ngayon.
Mas mahirap kasi kahit anong pikit ko sa mata ko, hindi ko na nakikita yung pina
pangarap kong
buhay, all I see is my grave and no one is there, dried leaves and all. Abandone
d. Forgotten.
Unloved.
Hindi ko na kaya, hindi ko na kayang tiisin yung mga tingin nila sa akin. I'm so
tired of living like
this. Siguro nga blessing in disguise yung sakit ko. I've remembered there was a
time I asked if
God could take me with Him and maybe this is His way. Finally answering my praye
rs.
Siguro naawa na din Siya kasi nakikita Niyang sobra na akong nahihirapan sa buha
y na to. Sa
buhay kung saan walang nagmamahal sa akin.
"Mary." I heard Karl's frantic voice and I looked up and saw him putting the tra
y in his hand at
the top of my bed in a hurry, he ran towards me. He bent down and hugged me tigh
tly "Anong
ginagawa mo dito sa lapag? Baka masugatan ka." he said. He sounded so concern. A
nd I knew
he was.
Habang yakap yakap ako ni Karl, I stared at both of my hands, it was bleeding pe
ro bakit hindi
ko man naramdaman yung sakit? "Ayoko na Karl. I'm tired of living like this." I
cried. "I want to be
with Louie."
Humigpit yung yakap niya sa akin at nanginginig yung katawan niya and naramdaman
kong
basa yung sa may braso ko. "Wag ka naman magsalita ng ganyan Mary." he said.
"Ayoko na Karl." ulit ko "I feel so alone and I just want to be with Louie again
." I said

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111
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"Nandito pa naman ako diba? Nandito ako. Hindi ka naman nag-iisa, I'm here and w
ill always
be here for you no matter what. Please don't give up. Hindi ko kakayanin mawala
ka." Karl said.
He was crying and I wanted to comfort him but I can't. I can't promise him anyth
ing anymore.
"I want to see Louie." I said and cried all over again. Hindi na ata napapagod y
ung mata kong
maglabas ng mga luha dahil patuloy lang ang paglabas nila. I looked down and saw
a piece
of broken glass, medyo malaki siya and at that moment I took it in my hands, I s
tared at it and I
don't know what came in to my mind but I just wanted to slit it down my wrist be
cause I know if I
slit it down then all of my problems will go away and I can see Louie again. "I
want to see
Louie." I said again.
I was holding it but I can't. Hindi ko kaya. I can't kill myself. I can't bring
myself to do it. I'm too
afraid. Bakit ganun? Diba dapat kung nasa kamay mo na makakaya mo, no hesitation
s and
fears pero bakit ang hirap? Bakit ako natatakot? I am too afraid of God.
I'm weird.
"Mary!" I heard a loud frantic voice coming over near the door and I looked up a
nd saw my
mother, she looked scared, too scared for my liking then she turned her gaze dow
n, I followed
her gaze and it was on my hand holding the glass. "Put it down Mary." she said c
almly.
Napahiwalay si Karl sa akin at nakita din niya yung hawak ko kaya madali niyang
inagaw sa
akin yung salamin. He looked at me with those eyes, eyes telling me that I can't
do that and
then I looked at my mother and hers was different, she looked at me like I was m
ad, a crazy
stupid girl.
And with that I cried hysterically again. Nagwala ako agad pero agad din akong n
iyakap ni Karl,
nagpumipiglas ako pero masyado siyang malakas, all I heard was him begging me to
stop pero
hindi ko magawang tumigil.
That's when I heard footsteps coming towards us and I felt a prick in my arm and
I didn't mind.
My mind grew fuzzy as sleep descended me.
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This story is on hold indefinitely due to the reasons na mahirap itong isulat an
d when I
say mahirap talaga pong mahirap. Secondly dahil naman po na it's too personal na
, too much
information are revealed at parang kinukuha ko yung privacy ng mga tao sa pagsus
ulat ko ng
story na ito. As I said before this is really a true story, based siya sa mga to
toong nangyari kaya
po naiisip ko na masyado ng personal yung pagsusulat ko at hindi ko nabibigyan n
g justice yung

mga characters dahil sa bias. So yeah wala po munang A Little Help from Destiny,
hindi ko alam
kung kailan ko ulit ito susulat pero until then ititigil ko muna.
I won t be promising na matutuloy ko ito agad agad, gusto ko man pero madami pang
issues ang story na ito na kailangan ko munang ayusin bago ko ituloy yung pagsus
ulat nito. But I
do promise that I will continue on writing this one. Kung inaakala niyo malapit
na tong matapos
dun po kayo nagkakamali, sobrang haba pa po nitong story na to, wala pa sa kalah
ati ito.
Madami pang mangyayari sa story na ito na dapat niyong abangan.
I want to say thank you sa mga nag-pm sa akin sa Wattpad profile ko at sa site t
ungkol
sa story na ito, yung mga nagtanong sa akin tungkol dito. At sa mga taong patulo
y parin ang
suporta dito pati patuloy sa paghihintay nito.
Madaming nagsabi sa akin na unique daw tong story na to, may nagsabi din na may
ginaya
daw akong story dahil lang sa sakit ni Mary sa story na to well to defend myself
hindi ko po
iyon ginaya, this is a true story and totoong ganun ang sakit ni Mary. That stor
y is Mary s
favorite story at malaki yung impact nung story na iyon kay Mary, sa later chapt
ers nito
malalaman niyo ang tinutukoy ko.
Alam ko din pong hindi ito nakakatawa o nakakakilig katulad ng mga normal na sto
ries
online my only defense to that would be hindi ko alam kung paano magpakilig, I w
rite crappy
stories kung anong nasa isip ko ayun yung sinusulat ko and for this one, talaga
naman hindi ito
meant to be funny or nakakakilig.
This story is not your normal love story, this is not even a love story. Itong s
tory na to
ay tungkol sa isang babae na madaming issues, tungkol sa friendship, family, Fai
th in God, Faith
in oneself at maybe some love, also teenage angst.
A Little Help from Destiny
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Hindi ko pa to nae-edit except sa mga fonts pero overall madami parin typos dito
kaya
bear with me.
I ll be back on writing this but please hindi ko na po talaga ito ipopost sa Wattp
ad dahil
pos a Blogger po yung mga drafts dun nalalagyan ng schedule kaya kahit hindi ako
online
nauupload sa scheduled day nito. So yeah sa blogspot ko po parin ito iu-upload.
Again thank you for reading A Little Help from Destiny. At advance na din na tha
nk you
sa mga maghihintay parin para dito.
This will be back soon.
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series I: My Love for a Magician
It all started with a deal with her friends "Lokohin haggang ma in-love si Micha
el Salmonte until one day the table
had already turn and she found herself in love with him and the saddest part is
that he doesn't feel the same way. She left to
move on but 10 years later she is still in love with the magician who changed he
r life. How can her mind teach her heart to let go
of the feelings she's been feeling all those years? In moving on, can we really

teach our hearts to forget? Can the Heart and Mind


work as a team or will they always be an enemy to each other?
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series II: Waiting for the Magician
Is waiting enough to make sure the flame of love won't burn out? Alyssa had left
the country to finally give up in her
one sided love with Michael little did she know he was already in love with her.
Now that she's gone many things have changed,
many hearts have been broken. Makakaya pa kaya niya bumalik sa lugar kung saan s
iya unang nagmahal at nasaktan? Will a
single "hello" change everything? Is there really such thing as true love? In th
is story we will believe in the saying "Only Love can
heal a heart that was hurt by love." and that time heals all wound. WIll it real
ly heal or will it just fade?
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series II: Waiting for the Magician Special Chapter: I:
A Moment
The story goes what happened after Mary left the altar for Gabriel. Happy ending
na ba agad sila o may mga
pagsubok pa silang dinaan para makamtan ang happy ending nila? The story follows
what happened after the death of Michael
and of course how Mary and Gabriel helped Alyssa but of course this is only a sp
ecial chapter which only has 5 chapters and off
to their happy ending. Let s see what happened to the two best friends. Tignan nat
in kung sa huli makakaya ba ng true love ang
lahat lahat pagdating sa kanila o sadyang susuko na sila dahil napapagod na sila
.
Just a Spoonful of Love
A KathNiel fan fiction. Paano nalang kung isang araw, your mom planned to fake y
our death upang hindi ka
makasal, anong gagawin mo sa bago mong buhay? Magagawa mo na ba ang mga bagay na
matagal mo ng gustong gawin
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114
uknowulovemary
ngayon wala ng hadlang sa mga pangarap mo? Will you ever find the prince that wi
ll complete your fairy tale love story? Will
you find the true love you've been searching for?
Magkaribal (Our First Love)
"Let's have a deal. Pag break-in natin sila tas pag break na may the best gal wi
ns nalang." ~ Mary. We were strangers
back then but when our first love got himself a girlfriend our paths crossed and
decided na paghiwalayin ang dalawa. Sa mga
panahon na iyon naging close kami. Kaya ngayon the only dilemma is haggang kaila
n kami magiging Magkaribal? Hindi ba
pwedeng best friends nalang kami?
The Closure Rain Gave Me (One-Shot)
"I love you" 3 words that can change everything you believe in. Isobel was left
in the middle of the rain by the man she
truly love. Paano nalang kung after 5 years magbalik ang lalaking sinaktan ka ng
sobra, magagawa mo bang bumalik sa kanya?
3 words she needed that three words but in the end she didn't get her three word
s. This is the story of how Isobel found closure she
needed within the rain.
The Right Place
This is not a story. This is an essay I wrote when I was asked by someone When do
you know you re in the right track
of your life? Una hindi ko gets kung anong isusulat ko about that, then it hit me
and ayan yung lumabas. Nung pinabasa ko
na sa nagtanong sa akin, sabi niya I ve grown. And kasi may nangyayaring misunders
tandings sa friends ko so pinost ko siya sa

Wattpad para mabasa nila.


When Everything Disappears
Buong buhay ko akala ko nakukuha ko na lahat ng gusto ko, kumbaga nga sabi nila
what she wants, she gets. Akala
ko ganun yung buhay ko, pero mali ako. Ou nakukuha ko nga lahat ng gusto ko, nab
ibili ko pero ayun lang yun; nabibilii. Yung
mga materyal na bagay ayun ang lagi kong nakukuha buong buhay ko dahil lumaki ak
o sa yaman, lumaki ako na susuhulan
ako ng magulang ko ng materyal na bagay tuwing napapako yung mga pangako nila. P
ero sabi ko nga haggang dun lang yun
kasi pag dating sa totoong gusto ko, yung mga bagay na hindi nabibili kahit kail
an hindi ko nakuha. Gusto ko lang naman ay
mahalin ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko pero kahit kailan hindi ko nakuha yung pagm
amahal nila. At kahit kailan walang
nagkatotoo sa mga hiniling ko. So yeah I pretty much know life sucks.
My Sweet Revenge
A girl who started with nothing fell in love with the rich man's son, they treat
ed her like dirt, she was left in the altar.
On that day she promised that she will get revenge, those who treated her like d
irt would finally taste dirt. Will she accomplish
her revenge when she's still in love with the guy who left her?
Princess on Break
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Princess Arabella had always been the obnoxious princess. Had always done things
her way. Her hobby was to make
the life of her ladies-in-waiting miserable. She doesn't have the trait of a "pr
oper princess". And they had enough of her tricks
and so they decided to send her for her charity works. What would happen to her
when a man decided to kidnap her? And tell
the whole consulate that she was just having a break from his princess duties? W
ill this be the cliche story where she fell in love
with her kidnapper?
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series II: Waiting for the Magician Special Chapter II:
Tangled Memories
Leaving Manila was the hardest and most painful thing that Alyssa ever did. She
didn't want to leave but she had two
choices either stay and feel unwanted or leave and try to move forward. And she
chose the latter. She chose to leave. She left but
her heart stayed. New York was her safe haven now she's here what would happen?
Will she ever move forward without her heart
with her? Can someone help her bring back the old Alyssa?
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series II: Waiting for the Magician Special Chapter III:
Tangled Marriage
Alyssa never thought that he would die, no she didn't. She very well thought tha
t she would die from that accident but
he sacrificed his heart for her. Now she must live her life without him. How can
she cope a life without the one she truly love? How
could she forgo a marriage when she was still in love with him? Will Conrad ease
his way in to her heart? Can he even stay even
when he knew that he will never be the one Alyssa will truly love? When he will
be nothing but a second choice?
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series III: Finally Fond You
Year after the death of Lian Navarro's fianc , she met the cold heartless James
Naval who came knocking in her new

apartment in town; drunk. She hated his guts and he hated her for buying the apa
rtment he used to live with the love of his life.
But as days passed they found each other's company soothing and they came into a
n understanding. What would happen if
Fate decides it's time for them to play the game so called Love? Will she ever f
ind the guy her fianc told her about in James?
Will he ever find peace in his heart and move on? In the end will they both say
the three words "Finally Found You"?
Fate s Cruel Intervention Series IV: Angel s Cry
Angel Jhonson was forced to marry Jared Naval because of their parents' company.
They were both young when the
marriage was agreed upon the investors. She knew Jared was not in love with her
but he doesn't know that she was. Two years
later, they are still married but due to some circumstances, they were forced to
work on their marriage. But can they really save
their marriage when every time they grew close together something big would make
them grow apart? What if Fate got bored in
the middle of the game? In this last battle between true love and fate, who woul
d win? Will Fate finally give up in its own game?
Still in Love
When an accident suddenly killed Julie's best friend Dianne who was pregnant, Ju
lie volunteered to be the mother of
the child and volunteering herself means marrying the father Damon. She later th
en married Damon and considered Ace as
her own son. Five years later, they are still married, and she still haven't giv
e birth to her own child with Damon. When problems
arose between them, she found herself wondering about the marriage.She later fou
nd out that Ace was the only thing that was
keeping her marriage intact. If Ace was the only reason for their marriage will
he also be the reason for them to break up? But
what if she later realize that she was still in love, will she fight or is it a
little too late for fighting?
A Little Help from Destiny
116
uknowulovemary
Perfect Fit
Perfect life. Perfect family. Everyone around Leila thought she had everything i
n life that most of them wanted but
little did they know, all were a facade. Senior year, the last year of Leila's r
eign in Beaux Monde Academy, and she made sure
that everything will flow perfectly. She tried her best to balance cheer leading
and ballet but with her mother constant rants
about every single detail of her life, can she do it? Can she still hide in the
facade she created? What would happen if she meets
Chace, the arrogant boy who hated her for being too perfect? Will Chace ever fin
d out the true her? In the end will love find her
perfect fit?
All this and Heaven
When Yuri was still an infant, her biological family left her in an orphanage. S
he was then adopted by two loving
couple who already had two daughters. She was treated well in her new family. An
d for being grateful to them, she always made
them proud. Never disobeying them or breaking the rules they set. But what if on
e night it all changed? What if a kiss; a
forbidden kiss was done by her and her nephew Charlie will it changed? She tried
her best to forget it, she tried to stay away but
as she tries to pull away, the attraction between them starts to pull her closer
to Charlie. In the end, will their love survive when

their only enemy is their own family? Can she love him when she knows it will de
stroy not only her relationship with her family
but also her relationship to God?