Journal Excerpt: Living the Revolutionary Breath

This, then, is what its like to live within the Revolutionary Breath:
While sitting in a local coffee shop waiting for a friend, I see another friend enter with
her parents. I brighten up, and I wave at her. Her mother waves back, but the woman I know
only smiles vaguely in my direction and then gazes around the room.
Boom.
What a horrible feeling.
I feel it low in the center of my chest xiphoid process, diaphragm attachment zone. The
sides of my neck tingle with the kind of adrenaline rush I associate with bad news, break-ups
as opposed to the jolt of a near car accident or the rush that comes before something exciting or
even joyful.
I feel tight. My breathing feels tight. This sucks.
Oh, god, the Revolutionary Breath. What the hell am I supposed to do now. I dont know
how to live this thing.
Okay, okay. Theres got to be a way. This cant just be a good idea. I have to be able to
live it, to feel it. Otherwise who cares.
Okay. So, what just happened?
First, I saw someone I knew and liked. (Do I like her? Or is it just that I feel we have things
in common, a salute the community thing? Might have to delve into this since its the internal
landscape, the context of my response.)
Then there was the surprise and it was just surprise. Just that unexpected interaction. She
did not wave back. And there was a tiny jolt of disorientation since it was not what I expected.

Then, to reorient myself, I began to make meaning of it: This was a distancing and
disrespectful gesture; this reflected her true (lack of) regard for me, in contrast to the
friendliness and engagement when our paths cross at the yoga studio. I can feel my body tense
even as Im recounting this, so certainly at the time my sympathetic nervous system (and red
light reflex) was kicking in.
Then meaning extended into conclusions, i.e. preparations for the future: I must slight her
the next time we meet. This will prevent me from being disrespected and hurt again. I refuse to
be in the inferior position. This will prevent me from feeling unsafe or vulnerable.
This then is when my sympathetic nervous system really kicks in. And all of that happened
in flash, maybe one or two seconds, and BOOM the reaction was full blown. I had evaluated
the situation, determined it was a threat, and decided how I needed to react (snub her in the
future).
Ah, but Im in my 40-day practice of the Revolutionary Breath. I have committed
myself to venturing into such discomforts as a way to live Allowing #3 loyalty to my breath
over and above all else, even this feeling of defensive safety.
Of course, I dont really know how to DO this, so I just return my attention to my breath,
reaffirm my commitment to place its fullness and ease over all. Breath comes first, and I realize
Im going to have to drop the entire sequence I just experienced. So, I connect to my breath and
then work my experience backward:
Calm my breath. First, using awareness to navigate the physiological level, consciously
sensing the location and intensity of tightness in my body and letting my awareness alone soften
that tension. Allowing consciousness to work its magic.

As things unknot, I apply more intention to my breathing. Full, complete, and deep exhale.
Then softening of my throat and belly. THEN letting the inhale flow into me. Conscious exhale,
then softening, then allowing the inhale.
I do this for awhile. I do this until I feel a kind of security. My sympathetic nervous system
is ramping down. Literally, I feel safe again. My body feels safe again.
Now I can start asking questions, starting with Am I actually unsafe?
I inquire into this feeling, this psychosomatic statement that I am unsafe. Is that true? Is
it true that I am actually unsafe right now?
Well, no. Its not true. When I believe that it is true, I experience a lot of discomfort. I
suffer.
If Im not in danger, then what else am I misperceiving? I try to answer honestly. Going
back through the sequence, I have to question whether or not she actually snubbed me, that the
intention behind her actions was to reject me.
And the truth is that I dont know. I cant actually know. She may not even know. But
contrary to so much enculturation to be in control of a situation, I find that trying to be in
control here leads me to a breathless place. Fundamentally, I do not know why she behaved the
way she did. Furthermore, it is her business, even if she did snub me. Basic revelation: it is not
my job to control other people.
And my body is responding to this as I go. The sensations of stress are draining away,
along the with emotional tumult.
Continuing backward through the sequence, I arrive at that first mild surprise, that Oh.
My body is still continuing to soften and release.
Before that, all I have is Someone I know is here. I am happy to see her.

I feel so free now. In body and mind. I have worked through the soft breath to return to the
soft breath, which I realize is home. To quote Thich Nhat Hanh, There is no path to peace,
peace is the path (Hanh, There Is, 2004).
What arises out of this for me is an understanding of vulnerability as a luxurious
experience of being myself. Having come home to my breath, I can allow myself to stay open
even though all my stories told me I should close. I realize that the next time I see her, I will
simply think, again, Oh, my friend and greet her as such. Defenseless.
Closing my heart it is not a metaphor.
If you are loyal to your breath, you have to drop these fundamental otherings.