Reviewer:Erskine Darrius

Writer:
Peer Review: Exploring an Event
Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd like
to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions here)

I wish I added more collaboration with detail in my opening paragraph

Longer and more in depth

Clarity
1. Point out any confusing sentences or passages. Were you able to follow the
general direction of the story easily? Explain.
In the first sentence Jacoby proceeded to explain a story about how he and a
friend traveled to Texas. Although this was in good detail I wish he couldve
elaborated more on the emphasis of the trip.
Persuasiveness
2. Is the change or revelation apparent? Is it subtle and nuanced or does it feel too
explicitly stated?
Jacobys passage elicits a brief change in the tone of the paragraph. It can also be
explicitly stated.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich?
Yes, when he stated, I love sight seeing
Concrete Details
4. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their ideas, making them come alive.
I was so excited to go especially because we were driving 17 hours.
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
5. Does the introduction/hook create interest? How?
Yes, he speaks upon how he was traveling somewhere and It left you wondering more
about where he was going and when also for how long.
6. Does the conclusion feel like it has weight? Does it feel meaningful, like a mic
drop, or insubstantial? How could it be improved?
There is no conclusion currently, a proper one will be greatly appreciated.
Most Successful Passage
7. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.

The first sentence is successful because he completely gets his thoughts down and
enter his paragraph.
8. Point out any special successes with the structure of the narrative, whether its
linear or utilizes flashback or other more complicated elements.
The problems that occurred during this trip. It didnt start right away because before
we left boolingbrook.
Style
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy (short) or pretentious (wordy).
The last two sentences in particular.
10. Do any words or phrases stand out as particularly striking, beautiful, or
unexpected? Which ones?
You never know how much a person can impact your life until you spend time
with them. Really well stated Jacoby.
Editing
11. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
I went with friend from high school supposed to be I went with a friend from
highschool.
Other
12. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.
Very strong first draft, I know youll keep improving as long as you continue to try.

Next Steps
13. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
here.
I feel like the writer is on the right path but with few minor improvements hell be
right where he need to be