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KnowYourAdultAttachmentStyle

MiniQuestionnaire

Whencompletingthisquestionnaire,pleasefocusononesignificantrelationshipideallya
currentorpastpartnerasthefocushereisonadultrelationships.Thisdoesnotnecessarily
needtobearomanticrelationshipbutmustbetheindividualwithwhomyoufeelthemost
connection.Whoisyourprimarygotopersonifyouresick,introuble,wanttocelebrate,call
withnews,etc.

Thisquestionnaireisdesignedtobeaninteractivelearningtool.Pleasehighlight,circleor
commentonanystatementsthatareparticularlyrelevanttoyouorthatyoudliketorevisitfor
explorationatalatertime.

Whenresponding,considerhowstronglyyouidentifywitheachstatementdisagree,mostly
agree,stronglyagree.Usingthescalebelow,respondinthespaceprovided.

Disagree
MostlyAgree
StronglyAgree
0
1
2

Section1

1.

Ifeelrelaxedwithmypartnermostofthetime.

2.

Ifinditeasytoflowbetweenbeingcloseandconnectedwithmypartnertobeing
onmyown.

3.

IfmypartnerandIhitaglitchitisrelativelyeasyformetoapologize,brainstorma
winwinsolution,orrepairthemisattunementordisharmony.

4.

Peopleareessentiallygoodatheart.

5.

Itisaprioritytokeepagreementswithmypartner.

6.

IattempttodiscoverandmeettheneedsofmypartnerwheneverpossibleandI
feelcomfortableexpressingmyownneeds.

7.

Iactivelyprotectmypartnerfromothersandfromharmandattempttomaintain
safetyinourrelationship.

8.

Ilookatmypartnerwithkindnessandcaringandlookforwardtoourtime
together.

9.

Iamcomfortablebeingaffectionatewithmypartner.

10. Icankeepsecrets,protectmypartnersprivacyandrespectboundaries.

DianePooleHeller2011KnowYourAttachmentStyleMiniQuestionnaire

Section2

1.

Whenmypartnerarriveshomeorapproachesme,Ifeelinexplicablystressed
especiallywhens/hewantstoconnect.

2.

Ifindmyselfminimizingtheimportanceofcloserelationshipsinmylife.

3.

Iinsistonselfreliance,havedifficultyreachingoutwhenIneedhelpanddomany
oflifestasksorhobbiesalone.

4.

Isometimesfeelsuperiorinnotneedingothersandwishothersweremore
selfsufficient.

5.

Ifeellikemypartnerisalwaystherebutwouldoftenprefertohavemyownspace
unlessIinvitetheconnection.

6.

SometimesIprefercasualsexinsteadofacommittedrelationship.

7.

Ipreferrelationshipswiththingsoranimalsinsteadofpeople.

8.

Ioftenfindeyecontactuncomfortableandparticularlydifficulttomaintain.

9.

Itiseasierformetothinkthingsthroughthantoexpressmyselfemotionally.

10. IactlikeIdontneedreassuranceorencouragementwhensometimesI,infact,
do.

11. WhenIlosearelationshipatfirstImightexperienceseparationelationandthen
becomedepressed.

Section3

1.

IamalwaysyearningforsomethingorsomeonethatIfeelIcannothaveand
rarelyfeelingsatisfied.

2.

IammorepronetofeelingsorryformyselfwhenIhaveaproblemthantotake
actionandsolveit.

3.

Sometimes,Ioverfunction,overadapt,overaccommodateothers,or
overapologizeforthingsIdo.

4.

IfeellikeIoverfocusonothersingeneralandtendtolosemyselfinrelationships.

5.

ItisdifficultformetosayNOorsetrealisticboundaries.

6.

IchronicallysecondguessmyselfandsometimeswishIhadsaidsomething
differently.

7.

WhenIgivemorethanIgetIoftenresentthisorharboragrudge.Itisdifficultto
receivelovefrommypartnerwhentheyexpressit.

8.

Itisdifficultformetobealone.Ifalone,Ifeelabandoned,hurtandangry.

9.

Ifeeladeepwishtobeclosealongwithaparalyzingfearoflosingloveofthe
relationship.

10. SometimesIpickfightswhenmypartnershowsuporwhenwegoonalong
awaitedforvacation.

11. Iwanttobeclosewithmypartnerbutfeelangryatmypartneratthesametime.

Section4

1.

WhenIreachacertainlevelofintimacywithmypartner,Isometimesexperience
inexplicablefear.

2.

Whenpresentedwithproblems,Ioftenfeelstumpedandfeeltheyare
unresolvable.

3.

Ihaveanexaggeratedstartleresponsewhenothersapproachmeunexpectedly.

4.

MypartneroftencommentsorcomplainsthatIamcontrolling.

5.

Ioftenexpecttheworsttohappeninmyrelationships.

6.

Istruggletofeelsafewithmypartner.Protectionoftenfeelsoutofreach.

7.

Ihaveahardtimerememberinganddiscussingthefeelingsrelatedtomypast
attachmentsituations.Idisconnectordissociateandgetconfused.

8.

Stuckinapproachavoidancepatternswithmypartner,Iwantclosenessbutam
alsoafraidiftheoneIdesiretobeclosewith.

9.

Ioverridemyinstinctiveselfprotectiveresponseswhenpossibledangerispresent
sometimesfeelingimmobilized,disconnectedorgone.

10. Iameasilyconfusedordisoriented,especiallywhenstressed.Itisimportantfor
mypartnertokeeparrangementssimpleandclear.

Foreachsection,addupyourresponsesandrecordyourtotalnumber.Thesectionwiththe
highestnumberwilllikelycorrespondtoyouruniqueattachmentstyle.Youmaydiscovera
dominantstyleoramixofstyles.

Thequestionnaireisnotmeanttobealabelordiagnosis.Itisonlyintendedtoindicate
tendenciesandpromptmoreuseful,precisepersonalexploration.