Chase Wagoner

COMM 122
Nov. 12th 2015

Researching a Communication Skill

The goal that I have set for myself in relation to interpersonal communication is to better
my skills in listening, both in learning when and how to listen more effectively and, in my
relationship with my wife. With my wife I struggle with giving my full attention to her, which in
return hampers my ability to listen effectively to her. In this report I would like to explore the
possible solutions to these issues and how to apply them in my life, not only to the issue I have
stated but in all aspects and situations that may present themselves in my life. I will be
referencing two sources that I have used to find the answers to my problems. I used Blount, S.
and Crawford, H. (Nov., 1960), I also used an article from Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014).
Both of these articles focus on bettering listening habits, however both are set in very
different situations. Blount, S. and Crawford, H. (Nov., 1960) speaks about a problem in a Miami
FL. high school, were the Faculty and select students realized the need for better communication
from the students, mainly oral communication and listening. Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014) however
speaks of his personal relationship with his wife and his new found success and the steps to
follow, to achieve that same success. The principles discussed from Blount and Crawford (1960)
are those mainly focusing on the need for students to communicate clearly and effectively so that
others can understand what the student wishes to communicate, and to listen in a manner that
allows for retention and comprehension of what was dictated.
I found interesting in the case of Blount and Crawford (1960) in which they didnt just
tell the students that they communicated poorly, but stated the issues at hand and gave the
solutions. I feel that if we were to apply this in our own lives we could far better our interactions
with colleagues and friends that misunderstand us or vice versa. An instance in my own life

Chase Wagoner
COMM 122
Nov. 12th 2015
comes to mind; my wife has a friend that is constantly feeling attacked and humiliated by my
wife, and honestly from anyone around her that shares a difference in opinion than that of her
own. My wifes frustration frequently leads her to wanting to confront her friend and tell her
how she feels and what her friend is doing wrong. I can see by using the example of the real life
application that Blount and Crawford (1960) speak about, my wifes plan may not be the most
effective. The plan shows that to effectively change erroneous behavior it must be stated, and
then enforced with caring persistence. What I see in this article and realize in my own life is that
the problems must be seen very objectively, in the sense that problem is separate from the
person. That they are not wrong but, that problem must be corrected. After the problem is stated
then action can be taken to correct it, and followed through with checkpoints and repetition.
The next article Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014) I have found, has a more direct connection with
my specific problem, that being my issues with being able to listen well to my wife. Gaddis
unfolds several ideas and strategies in his article. His basic key principle is; going back to the
basics. When I met my wife everything was about getting to know her, and as it was all new, it
was very exciting. As the years go by I began to be able to predict (or feel I can predict) the
feelings or reactions my wife is having or will have. This is the root problem that I have
discovered from Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014), as he goes on to explain that you have to get her
world Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014). There is no way I can get her world Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014) if I
feel that I already know it. During lifes cycle, we change, circumstances change, and with those
changes, nothing is 100% predictable. Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014) explains how we should
remember that she is an ocean. Her depths will never truly be explored in this lifetime.
Something Gaddis refers to that I resonate with extremely well, is the fact the men naturally want

Chase Wagoner
COMM 122
Nov. 12th 2015
to be the problem solvers, the fixers, and so on. I find myself always looking for a solution to
what my wife is telling me. Many times what my wife is telling me has nothing to do with her
wanting a solution, but just wanting someone to hear her struggles, or to share her stories with.
The final thought that I want to share and one that I struggle with is when Gaddis states when
Im triggered into my own stuff, its really hard to listen and understand her, let alone be
interested. With respect to this issue I have come to realize that I will have to just recognize the
moments in which she is needing my interest and to put aside my personal pursuits at that time
and have meaningful communication with her that will help build a strong relationship of trust
and confidence.
I find that many of the teachings in these articles can very well be used in the workplace,
and quite frankly are things that I can see in my current workplace. The need of supervisors that
can give real attention to their employees is great, and I believe is something that is starting to
grow in our day as old traditional workplaces are revamped into the new thought processes of
efficient and beneficial work environments. I can apply these principles in my workplace a
number of ways. First by showing my colleagues that I care by giving them my attention when
they are sharing with me instruction or criticism. Secondly as a manager or supervisor who needs
to correct erroneous actions, I can show the issue in an objective manner so that the employee
will have a desire to correct it instead of feeling personally attacked, and then to follow up and
provide training when necessary.
I really enjoyed the insights that I have seen expressed in Blount, S. and Crawford, H.
(Nov., 1960) and Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014). From these articles I feel that I am better equipped to

Chase Wagoner
COMM 122
Nov. 12th 2015
make a difference in my life and also the life of my wife. I intend on referring to these teachings
as I strive to develop myself into a better communicator, especially in listening effectively.

Chase Wagoner
COMM 122
Nov. 12th 2015

References
Blount, S. and Crawford, H. (Nov., 1960) Better speaking and listening. The clearing house
(pp. 159-162) vol. 35, No. 3
Gaddis, J. (Feb., 2014) How to really listen to my wife in 13 Steps.
http://www.jaysongaddis.com/2014/02/how-to-really-listen-to-my-wife-in-13-steps/