Anda di halaman 1dari 3

Text from my

initial WP
submission:
(a phrase,
sentence,
paragraph, idea,
move,
punctuation,
piece of
evidence, etc.)

An
observation
or question I
received from
De Piero or a
classmate:

The change(s) I
made to what I
initially wrote:
(ie, the change[s] I
made to column 1)

How this
change
impacts my
paper:

Family abuse is a topic


addressed in different
genres that will
continue to appear no
matter
how different the
genres are from one
another. It is addressed
in academic articles
and non-academic
articles but these
genres have various
features and moves
that make them unique.

I need more of a
specific, driving
thesis
statement, IG. What,
exactly, are you
going to be arguing
here? And what
specific points are
you going
to use to make that
case?

Through the use of


different trials and
studies, the health
practitioners, Visser,
and Mall explore the
topic of family abuse as
well as use various
moves to prove that
familial abuse or
domestic violence can
cause drastic changes in
human behavior.

This impacts my
paper because it
makes it an
actual thesis
driven piece. It
also answers the
so what?
question of why
my statements
matter.

I changed my previous
thesis statement into
one that is actually
arguable. It also gave
my statements to all tie
back too.
Two of the very first
differences between the
two genres is the
audience they are for
The academic journals
cannot really be
changed by the writer
so they typically
follow the format
typical of a scientific
paper.

Page-long
paragraph... You hate
me,
don't you? :(

With this I took


the page long
paragraph and
split it into two. I
also changed some
things within the
paragraphs so
they tied in with
my thesis.
Two of the very first
differences between the

This impacts my
paper by
allowing it to
flow more easily
and making it
easier to read
for the reader. It
also gives
readers some
relief of just
reading the
samething for

two genres is the audience


they are for and the
language they use

who knows how


long.

While, the news article


has
Only small things?
And what do you
mean by "things"?
Can you get more
specific?]
(Steer clear of
"things" -- it's really
vague and
imprecise.)

Movesarethe
choicesthatwriters
makethatcanminoror
majoreffectsoftheir
writing.

Non-academic pieces
and scholarly texts
alike can accomplish
any things the other
cannot

I think you could find


your thesis
statement in here, my
man -- or at least
something
close(r) to it!

I took some parts


of this and
included into my
new thesis. I also
shortened this so
it stayed true with
my new thesis.

This impacted
my paper
because it
allowed me to
have a new
thesis while also
keeping what I
believe is one of
the better
paragraphs in
my paper.

Family abuse,
Family abuse
Family abuse
Family abuse

You've started 4
sentences (out of 5)
with
"Family abuse" -try to change it up.
Variety is the
spice of life. :

I changed some of
the sentences so
they have
pronouns to begin
with or they were
replaced with
news sentences for
my thesis. Another
change was I used
synonyms for
family abuse like
domestic violence

This impacts my
paper in that it
allows it to flow
better and not
be extremely
repetitive. This
gives the read
some variety so
they stay
interested and
not grow bored.

Moves are the small


things that writers do
that can shape an entire
part of a paper or the
paper
as a whole

Ichangedthissentence
soitwaslessvagueand
soitwasntspecific.I
changedthingsto
choicessinceitisa
littlelessvagueand
encompassesmany
things.

This affects my
paper in that it
makes my
statement broad
enough to
encompass many
moves but
specific enough
where the
vagueness is
reduced. This
also allowed me
a little bit more
freedom in my
word choices.

to start off some


sentences.

Minat Terkait