Kamradt 1

The DV Queen

It was the hardest job Ive ever had, and it had a huge effect on the rest of my life, says
Carole Kamradt, as she was sitting on a couch in her living room. Her legs were wrapped
underneath her as she was talking to me about her work at the Center for Women and Children in
Crisis, a domestic violence shelter in Utah County, Utah.
I was introduced into a whole new world I had never seen. I had so many biases that
were challenged, and my idea of abused women made a 180 degree turn, she said with a soft
smile, and a lot of hand gestures. Carole Kamradt is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)
and started working at the shelter as an internship during her Bachelors degree, before accepting
a job there as a caseworker. The shelter is a crisis center meant to protect and help women and
children to start their lives over. Although firm and straightforward in her speech, Carole is a
soft-hearted woman who cares deeply for her clients, the issue of domestic violence, and looks to
help couples improve their relationships.

Carole loves to spend

time with her
husband, and two
daughters

We were talking in her Draper home after a Saturday morning class she had taught with
men and women convicted of domestic violence. Its a court ordered class, she said about that
group, but there is a lot of change that goes on there. Carole was given this court ordered class,
and granted the nickname DV Queen (Domestic Violence Queen), after leaving the domestic
violence shelter and starting clinical work. This nickname was not granted just for her work, but
the word queen comes from her demeanor. Carole is a petite blonde with a large and
contradictory personality. At one moment she can be light-hearted, funny, and the definition of a
young soul; yet when talking about her work, she becomes serious, blunt, and intimidating. Even
so, barely hitting five feet two inches, its hard to imagine such a small woman teaching men
charged with domestic violence. Im not afraid to get in their face, she said laughing, I tell
them when they have a thinking error. They know who is boss. She is now a therapist at
Suncrest Counselling in South Jordan, Utah. After her work was completed at the shelter, she
was even awarded a purple ribbon from the Domestic Violence Coalition of Utah,
commemorating all of the work she did for victims of domestic violence.

Here, Carole is pictured receiving

her purple ribbon in recognition for her
work in Domestic Violence

During her work at the shelter she helped to manage the information of the women
coming in. When a new victim would be accepted and welcomed into the shelter, Carole would
complete their intake analysis, and then help them create and implement an action plan for their
stay. She worked fifty plus hours a week, and stayed late Thursday nights to teach a group
therapy class to any domestic violence victim interested in coming.
During the interview I noticed a theme in some of her comments. She would mention
biases, ideas, and beliefs in society that helped perpetuate domestic violence issues, I asked her
to really specify those things for me.
A man cant rape his wife, she began, why doesnt that women leave? Why does she
keep going back? No wonder hes mad, she wont give him enough sex. I wonder what she did to
make him so angry? A man cant be abused. Its her own fault if she wont leave. She paused
and went on, these are all examples of wrong perceptions we have about victims of domestic
violence. I think the most damaging is when a person judges a victim for not leaving.
According to The Journal of Family Violence, it can take women, on average, five to
seven times to successfully leave. (Halket et al.)
Carole went on to explain the nature of domestic violence. It was hard imagine a man you
love, and have had a child with slowly spiraling into something abusive and scary. Domestic
violence is hardly ever just physical. One partner controls another in a variety of ways, which
usually involves isolation. The different types of abuse are shown in Figure 1, the Power and
Control Wheel. (Fulton County Family Violence Task Force)

Figure 1. Power and Control Wheel

Carole painted a picture for me of an abused woman, you have nothing, and you
are completely dependent on him. So why dont you leave? You have no place to go. This is
why it may take a woman so long to leave, there is simply too much invested in the relationship,
with no outside resources or help.

This is why the shelter, and domestic violence classes are so important, Carole
continued, it not only helps the women leave, but we have a chance to teach them what a
healthy relationship looks like. According to Carole, many victims and abusers had abuse in
their childhood, and learn that this is normal in a relationship.
Teaching about healthy relationships is my favorite part of the job, said Carole
excitedly, its the part where you see the biggest change. Youll be explaining how a healthy
relationship works, and youll see a lightbulb go off in someones head, and theyll understand
that they can be happy. Carole explained that she often uses her marriage as an example. Some
women after being abused are inclined to hate men, or think all men are evil. Thats just not the
case! she says. She has been married for 25 years, and has two daughters.
When teaching about healthy relationships, Carole uses a visual aid similar to the Wheel
of Power and Control; although, this one is called the Wheel of Equality. The Wheel of
Equality, as shown in Figure 2, shows the same aspects of a relationship as the Wheel of
Power and Control, but exchanges each part for healthy relationship practices. Intimidation
becomes trust and support, sexual abuse is replaced with intimacy, emotional abuse becomes
respect, and so on. This gives a good representation of the comparison between abusive and
healthy relationships.

Figure 2. Wheel of Equality

At the conclusion of our interview, Carole reflected on the entirety of her shelter
experience. She had a smile on her face as she said, I saw many women get out of their
situations. I saw them find jobs, housing, buy a car, and even learn the style of a healthy
relationship for the future. She went on, but, the most important thing I saw was the domestic

violence victims, turn into survivors. As a caring, yet motivated woman Carole made a big
difference in many peoples lives. She still cares about and specializes in domestic violence, she
cares deeply about the work she does, and she puts her focus on improving couples relationships
by teaching them healthy ways of communication and action.

Carole finished Emotion-Focused-Therapy

training with this group, to better provide
marriage and relationship counseling to
clients