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With God



With God



With God
by Mike Rigby

Copyright 2009 by Mike Rigby

All Rights Reserved
Any part of this book may be reprinted or published
in part or in whole so long as the user reprints the text
exactly as it is written and is not republishing
or copying this material to get financial gain.
ISBN: 1-891265-11-3
First Printing 2009
Distributed By:
511 E. 1250 S.
Payson, Utah 84651

I wish to express a very special thanks to three people
in my life. Two very dear friends, Terry Obrien and Valerie
Sauve, whose hard work, critique and sometimes kick in
the pants has finally put this story to print. Your ability
to polish my rough exterior into something palatable will
surely not go unnoticed by the reader.
And what can I say about my overly supportive wife
Valerie? Her grasp of spiritual principles and love for others
has taught me one great lesson: Be yourself, but be your
best self. I love you! Thanks.

Chapter 1 ~ Reflections 1
Chapter 2 ~ Night Visitor 15
Chapter 3 ~ My Grandfather 25
Chapter 4 ~ Destruction Dream and
Learning to Listen 37
Chapter 5 ~ Christ in My Life 45
Chapter 6 ~ Teachings of Christ 59
Chapter 7 ~ Christs Life 65
Chapter 8 ~ Earthquake Predictions 75
Chapter 9 ~ Receiving Records 81
Chapter 10 ~ Publishing Sacred Scripture 87
Chapter 11 ~ Disciplinary Action 99
Chapter 12 ~ Dream About My Wife 109
Chapter 13 ~ The Garments 113
Chapter 14 ~ Seminary Teacher 119
Chapter 15 ~ Blessings 123
Chapter 16 ~ Tranquility 131
Chapter 17 ~ Speaking in Tongues 135
Chapter 18 ~ Exercises in Faith 141
Chapter 19 ~ Jenny 149
Chapter 20 ~ Conclusions & Summary 157

And this is life eternal, that

they might know thee the only true
God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.
~ John 17:3

What you are about to read is my spiritual journey to
learn about myself and to meet and/or experience God.
Your path will probably be totally different. Our spiritual advancements seem to be as varied as our personalities, and only a Divine Source seems to know the needs
of each individual. It is my hope that in the pages of this
text you will be able to relate to principles or personality
traits of Godliness perhaps even character attributes of
deity that can be woven into the fabric of your own life.
Hopefully by learning of someone elses struggle you may
be able to comprehend God in a simple way which will
make focusing on God, or recognizing the God within,
easier for you. If along that path you gain information
which helps you to be God like, then my life will have
fulfillment and the purpose for this writing will have been
accomplished. MLR


Ref lections
The sun beat down on our car as my wife and I sat
waiting for the next few minutes to tick by. We were hoping
to not be too early to my church Disciplinary Council. It
was the 19th of July 1994, and even though it was early
evening, the sun still hung high in the sky above the mountain town of Midway, Utah, which we called home.
As we walked to the foyer in the church, I could feel
the presence of a host of relatives who had long since
journeyed beyond this life. Only two years earlier I would
have dismissed such things as a figment of my imagination. But now it had become a reality. A reality I could not
free myself from, nor did I have a desire to. Life, and my
outlook on it, had changed so drastically, I was sure that to
the rest of the world I had become a kook.
As our meeting time approached we were directed to
a small lobby, only to find our wait there was longer than
expected. This gave me time to reflect on the past year and
a half of my life.
So much had changed. My attitudes had shifted so
greatly. I was not the person that I used to be, and yet I
could not deny all that had happened to me, nor would I

want tofor it would be to deny that I existed, or that life

itself was real, and we were sitting in that lobby that very
How could I convey the feelings and the experiences
of the past year and a half to those who had never had
them? Would I have believed these things myself back then
if someone had come to me with the same tales? Perhaps
not. In that sense I was no different than my peers. How
could I hold these men to any higher standard? My feeling
was I could not.
I was about to face fifteen men who had been called
together to decide whether or not I had become a threat to
the organization we all loved so dearly. If you have never
been a member of a church or social group you will have
a hard time relating to what was about to happen. If you
have, then to some degree you should understand.
I had worked side by side with these men and their
wives for the past ten years. (There was only one person
there with whom I was not well acquainted.) In my past
church experience I had sat on a High Council just like
this one. I knew exactly how the protocol went, for I had
been there dozens of times.
As an active member of the LDS faith your whole life
revolves around church activity. There are programs for the
youth of all ages, and groups set up involving the women in
social and charitable service. As a young man I was expected
to go on a two year mission. It was an experience that I
looked forward to and then enjoyed to its fullest.
This church had become a part of me. A part I loved
and a life which gave me great satisfaction. It was who I
was; it was a major element of my identity.

Never in my wildest dreams had I considered the

possibility of finding myself at odds with the leadership.
That was so far from my way of thinking it just hadnt
crossed my mind.
LDS Church Councils are presided over and called
together by the local Stake President. He is a lay minister that
oversees five to ten wards which are each the equivalent of
a parish or small congregation. His decision is normally the
final word over the roughly 2000 people which he serves.
The council members he calls to work with him are made
up of men only, who help administer policies.
The decision of these men, and especially the Stake
President, could change the course of my life, and I knew
it. For myself, I felt that I could handle it; but what about
my five children and my wife?
Their lives would change as well, and they were
innocent bystanders, with no way to alter the course. My
concern for them far outweighed my regard for myself.
Such were my initial thoughts on that hot July evening.
As we sat holding hands I could feel my wifes support,
and I wondered if even she could handle the opening of
the next door. Thought after thought raced through my
mind and I went back to my first recollections of how I
had come to be where I was.
In the year 1954 my father was drafted into the
American Army. As fate would have it he didnt get sent
to Korea but was given a two year stint in Germany.
Being married at the time, he took my mother with him,
and I was born abroad in 1955 the first child and only
son in what would eventually be a family of six. When
the military service ended, we came home to Utah where

I spent the next 17 years in a small suburb of Salt Lake

City, called Holiday.
I grew up under fairly normal circumstances, despite
the fact that I was being raised in a community that was,
and still is, predominantly Mormon. In my mind it had
only a positive effect, giving my personality what I needed
to become a normal upstanding citizen in society.
I was taught to love God, and to seek to serve him with
all of my heart. I learned respect for the laws of the land
and the rights of others. My parents were quite religious,
but I never felt forced to be as they were, nor to act in what
others would call a religious manner. I dont remember
being forced to go to church it was just expected.
As I look back on it now, it was the feeling of the
warmth of the Spirit that kept me going, not the sense
of duty to God, or the fear of my parents, or of some
eternal damnation.
Spiritual experiences were not shunned in our household; but also were not shared much outside of our home
environment. While I was in the fourth grade, a boy
down the street got hit by lightning and killed. Because
I was two years younger than Scott (the boy killed), and
I was in school, I was not permitted to go to the funeral.
I remember my father coming home and telling me that
while he was waiting for the funeral to start, he saw Scott
come into the church with his deceased grandfather,
then walk to the open casket, look inside, and walk away,
vanishing through the church wall. This experience was
rarely talked about with others outside of our family, but
we were all aware of what my father had seen. It was just
something that happened, and we as a family all believed

it, for I never knew my father to lie.

My mother, too, was prone to spiritual experiences,
but was much more quiet about them than my father,
feeling that these were for her personal growth alone and
not to be shared. Still the very fact that she was going
through encounters of a spiritual nature herself left me
knowing that these things were real and not to be feared.
Just after my birth, my mother hemorrhaged and had what
we would call today a near death experience or NDE.
From that time forth she never feared death, but seemed
to feel a sense of duty toward a lifes mission that would
have an influence on the lives of thousands of people. I
believe that she still has never wavered in trying to accomplish what she sees as her own personal responsibility to
the human family.
As a young boy I felt much closer to my mother than
to my father. She was my protector and playmate. I shall
never forget the hours that she held me as a young child
and successfully protected me from the negative influences
of the world around me. It wasnt until about age ten or
twelve that I noticed I was starting to attach to my father,
and move away from my mothers influence.
Dad is the outgoing type and we found a mutual
interest in camping and outdoor activities. His interest in
the Boy Scout program always kept young men around
the house and he seemed to have a profound influence on
their lives. To this day they still come back on occasion
and thank him for the time that he spent in their lives.
I was raised with the same ideals as others in our
community, but as I began to grow and mature, I felt that
my relationship with God was not what I wanted it to be.

There was always something that seemed to be missing, a

void, if you like regarding my understanding of God.
I read in books of the closeness others felt with Deity
and I desired to have these same intimate spiritual experiences for myself. I had a great desire to know and experience spirituality with a longing that could not be quenched.
Some have a desire to excel in sports or to achieve financially, but my drive was to know God and feel the warmth
of His spirit continually.
In the scriptures I came across people like Moses who
met God face-to-face, and I longed to have that experience
of closeness or communication in my own life. The best
way I can describe it is to say that I hungered and thirsted
to not only see God, but to be one with him as Jesus had
said he was one with His Father. I believed deeply that the
experiences of others, such as Christ, were true and that
it was possible for me to do the same.
I also knew that it would take a commitment on my part,
but at the time I had little understanding or comprehension
of how complete that commitment had to be. I had no idea
of how far reaching the effects of getting close to God would
be for me, or how difficult it would be on others to allow me
to go there.
At the age of nineteen, I was called to serve a mission
for the LDS Church in England. This was one of the
greatest experiences of my life. Since then I have always
felt that it doesnt matter who you are or what religious
understanding you have, if you are able to dedicate your
life to serving others and to serving God, you are going to
grow and have many spiritual experiences. And so it was
true of my experiences in England. There I learned to love

people who were a lot less fortunate than I, and to give of

myself when I felt there was nothing left to give to go the
extra mile and make a difference in peoples lives.
Miracles happened weekly where I witnessed healings
and blessings in the lives of others. I was miraculously
preserved from harm many times and often given the gift
to look into peoples lives or hearts and see what was troubling them.
The hardest transition of my life was to come home
and get back into the rat race of earning a living. I can
remember praying when I got home and saying, Lord if
you are going to take my life, do it now, for I feel that I am
at the peek of my spiritual growth. At that point I could
not see myself ever again living on the spiritual level that I
had found as a missionary.
For the first 38 years of my life I tried to make the
spiritual experiences happen. This I did by trying to live
every law or rule that I had learned in church and in the
scriptures. Although at times I experienced a form of
Godliness or spirituality, I still did not feel I was having
encounters that brought me to a greater closeness or
oneness with God.
It seemed as though I was stuck on a spiritual plateau,
and that the people around me were at the same point.
I could see that almost all of the individuals I met were
content where they were spiritually, and had little desire
to progress, or move forward into what they considered
the unknown. It is probably complacency or the easiness
of drifting along that lets people get stuck in the limitations of a just go to church rut. I have always been
surprised at how content people are to stay in their daily

and weekly routines with little desire to find out more

about the unknown.
After a long struggle with what seemed to be minimal
results, I began to get a bit discouraged with the whole
process of growing spiritually. This was probably due in
part to the fact that I kept reading in the scriptures about
spiritual gifts that the righteous possessed, and I didnt
seem to have or be experiencing any especially not on
a daily basis. Even my closest friends didnt display any of
these gifts in their lives.
The church that I grew up in claimed to have the
Gifts of the Spirit, but I rarely saw them manifest by
the church members as displayed by the early apostles of
Christ, or members of the early Christian Church. With
greater and deeper discouragement I found myself turning
to God more often in prayer and pleading for guidance and
help. I find it hard to describe what this feeling of frustration is like. Its not that I was totally unhappy, but rather
that my life was lacking purpose. I wasnt making progress.
Surely there had to be more to life than the everyday go
to work and come home, do my church assignments, and
love my family.
My foundation, or that which I had trusted in (which I
realized later was mostly based on the precepts or concepts
of men) was coming up short. I began to doubt that anyone
was having the spiritual experiences witnessed by the early
Christian Saints. Through my church teachings I was
taught that to seek and know God was not wrong. In fact it
was generally encouraged, but I couldnt find anyone that
would say they had met the Lord.
Trust and truth were words I began to dissect in my

mind. Was truth something that I could actually put my

finger on, and was it the same for everyone? Or was it
something that was relative to me and the reality I was
creating through my actions and thoughts? If the latter
were true, then how could I even trust the written word
which translators may have exaggerated and even fabricated to some degree? And what about the interpretation
that each of us makes when we see or read something?
Finding the true intent of the individual putting forth their
viewpoint on something was difficult and at best subject
to many angles or levels of understanding.
I felt so confused about the whole matter that I really
wanted to back off; to somehow walk away and start all
over from scratch. If I had not witnessed some spiritual
experiences, I probably would have given up on the whole
thing, or tried to ignore the problem out of existence. Still,
deep within me was a longing for the warmth and love
that the Spirit brings. I kept going back to that two-year
period of my mission when I had dedicated myself to the
service of God. It was the only time when I had really
found continual joy. This caused me to reflect on what
made this time so special. What brought the joy I had felt
then and why was I not feeling it now? I am sure some will
argue that I was delivering the truth to a world that didnt
have it and God was blessing me with a peace that kept me
content in this endeavor; but inside I knew there was more.
Something was different then from now and it went much
deeper. Somehow I had to put my finger on it.
As I wrestled with this problem, I noticed that my
prayers started to change. They began to feel more sincere
and I found myself pleading with the Lord to show me

what I was doing wrong, and help me see what was stopping my spiritual progression. While praying, I often said,
Lord take away from me everything that is keeping me
from seeing you although I felt that if taken literally,
this statement could mean that I may give up all that I
thought was of value in my life.
Still the desire to penetrate the barrier continued to
push me forward and drive me to some sort of peace with
regard to the matter. Through all the confusion I somehow
knew deep within my heart that God would somehow
open things up for me.
I remember one time as I was pouring my heart out
to God for help, I suddenly stopped in mid sentence and
began to cry. I felt overcome with sadness that somehow I
was letting God down, that I was failing the tests or experiences of this physical existence. At that moment all I could
see of my life was the failings and lack of progress. It was
as if in some way I had been rejected by my Maker and that
my offering to God was not complete enough. But, what
else could I give? Had I not been willing to put all I had on
the altar? As I wept, I pleaded for an answer. Precisely how
much time elapsed I am not sure for I felt caught up in the
anguish of failure.
As I continued to sink into my own manufactured
hell, I felt a burning or tingling sensation gradually cover
my whole being, and a great joy welled up in my chest.
It was as if a blanket of peace had slowly been rolled
over me and I was encompassed by some power I had
felt many times before, in brief moments. But now it was
stronger and more focused as it moved through me and
enveloped my emotions. Instantly I felt my mind clear,

and a serene calm washed over me. It was wonderful.

At this point I heard no voice, nor saw any heavenly
being, but I had a comforting reassurance and confidence
that all things were in Gods hands, and would work out
for my best good. I knew that God was aware of me and
that in time the answers would come.
This experience helped me see that I was not forgotten,
that none of us are forgotten, nor can we be.
My direction now took a bit of a change, and I sought
to have this warm reassuring feeling guide me in all I did.
As I faced the cares of everyday life, I tried to hold onto
the feeling of comfort whenever I noticed it starting to
leave. With practice you can become very aware of when
the Spirit of God or the feeling of Love is with you and
when it is not. Or maybe I should say, when it is strong
and when it is not. This practice also reveals the things
that drive the spirit away in your life. I noticed that I was
becoming aware of everything that was going on around
me, not from what I saw, or the physical experiences but
by how I felt.
I now found that if I would ask in prayer concerning
a decision I had just made, or one I was about to make,
I would often get that feeling of comfort or a Witness
of the Spirit (as it was known in my church), to help me
know which direction to go. If I got a Spiritual Witness,
then I would stick with the decision. If I didnt get the
Witness, then I would drop it, or forget what I had asked
about. This led me to trust the Love feeling or Spirit with
everything I did.
I also found that many people began to think I was
crazy, and radical. Business friends started to treat me a

little differently when I shared what was happening in my

life. I was no longer asked to participate in company gatherings, and clients began to act strictly business like.
Still I persisted in following the Spirit, for it kept
bringing peace to my mind and heart even though at times
I must admit, I too wondered if I was losing it.
By the warmth of the Spirit I was directed to many
books that helped me learn the deeper meanings of life,
and I began to see that if I wanted to have the experiences
I had read about others having, I would have to make a
full time commitment to doing Gods will. This did not
mean that I would have to become a monk or preacher or
priest, but rather I would put my desire for godliness ahead
of all else.
By now I could look back at my life and see that all
the highs and lows were there for a reason. They each
had purpose and in some way, however small it may have
seemed at the time, I was growing from each peak and
each valley. I tried to program my mind so that I looked
at all things as for my good; to see everything as being in
divine order and for the good of not just myself but all
those I influenced. This helped me to plow through the
rough things the Spirit directed me to do and still keep a
positive attitude.
I began looking for the good in everyone and not
caring what the world thought. It was coming down to
me and the Spirit, and let the rest of the world worry
about their own relationship with God. In other words, I
couldnt let what others thought dictate what I believed or
how I acted upon that belief.
There is a very shocking reality that hits you when you

sincerely try to not let others influence what you say, do, or
think about. For me what came home hardest was just how
much I was being affected by those around me. It seemed
that 98% of what I was doing in life was the direct result
of my contact with others. And this contact meant I was
behaving a certain way because I was pre programmed by
my environment to act that way. Not realizing it, I really
thought that was how people wanted me to act, or that I
would gain the acceptance of others by displaying character traits they approved. It seems a bit silly now but at
the time I became very aware of the reasons behind my
everyday actions. I dissected my behavior and the thoughts
I was thinking to justify that behavior. When you do this
sincerely, your personality will change very rapidly.
The scripture Praise God in All Things took on
new meaning, and I asked myself which part of my experiences was not included in all things. I came to the conclusion that there was not one solitary thing happening to me
for which I could not thank God and give Him the glory.
Merlin Crowthers book From Prison to Praise was a big
help. When you can look at the mistakes of your own life
with true objectivity as a third person, you become more
forgiving of others, and then you can see the purpose in
what is happening in your own life. The divinity of it all
becomes overwhelming.
At this point my faith and understanding of God
were beginning to grow, even if still small. A seed was
there that I began to water and nurture in a most tender
way. Rather than rely on my own ability to get through
problems, I began to put the burden on God and let him
take care of them.

Some people assumed I had a dont care attitude,

because when I was pushed into a corner or felt stuck
solving a problem, I would back away and place it at Gods
feet. As I did this I noticed that it always came out in my
best interest and long term growth, even if I didnt see it
at the moment. But in time as I looked back, I could see
the hand of Divine intervention in every part. Thank you
Lord and thank you Father were words I could not say
often enough. However I began to choke on those words
as the reality of my excommunication court came rushing
back to the forefront of my thinking.
I need your help Father; I so need your help. My
nervousness at that moment was a dead give away that I
had put a lot of value on my church membership.
Only by sinking back into my spiritual experiences
could I relax and leave the present turmoil.



Night Visitor
Along my spiritual path, I had been asking God for
any enlightenment extant on the subject of life after death.
I often wondered why, if this life is to prepare us for the
next, are people so fearful of information about that next
life? If you set out to study all you can about the after life
you will be amazed at how much information is published
on the subject and how well that information dovetails
together. The broad picture is vast and far reaching. Even
with all you can find you will only be learning the smallest
part of the vastness of Gods creations.
I ran across a book written by Betty Eddie, called
Embraced by the Light. The book had only been out two
months when a friend gave me a copy to read and I stayed
up until three oclock in the morning devouring its message.
The book went on to be a best seller and I was able to chat
with Betty at one time about her encounter. She was as sweet
and loving on the phone as I had pictured she would be from
her writings.
More than anything else this book let me feel through
her experience the love of God and how close and personal
He is. I realized that we are the ones that drive God away

and that there is nothing that I can do that will stop Him
from loving me. My desire then became even greater to
meet this Jesus, as his apostles had done after His death
and resurrection.
As I shared this book with others, I came across a
photocopy of Robert Bensons book, Life in the World
Unseen as channeled through Anthony Borgia. I found
myself astounded at its compatibility with what I had
already learned from my LDS background. A person
would have had to study all of his life on this subject to
bring so many truths about the other side, or Spirit World,
together in the pages of one book.
As I read it, I received Witness after Witness (that
burning loving feeling from God) of its truths, and my
insight and learning grew tremendously. His book also
brought up a lot of new questions for which I couldnt find
answers. So broad and expansive were his descriptions of
the Spirit Life and the Spirit World that I found my own
religious teachings fell short. I also found that there is a
great fear among religious sects today, my own included,
of what the after life is like.
I decided to research the author of this book, and
found Robert Hugh Benson had been a priest for the
Church of England while in the flesh. As a priest, Benson
had written about 20 religious books, which were basically
along the same theological lines of his church. However, he
later converted to Catholicism. Having labored in England
as a missionary for the Mormon Church I was acquainted
with the basic philosophies of the Church of England
and Catholic religions. I thus found it easy to understand
Bensons concept of God.

In 1914 at the age of 42, Robert Benson died after a

short illness, and passed on to what he called the Spirit
World. Here he found that a lot of what he had written
as a priest was incorrect, and it troubled him that he had
given out information that had become a stumbling block
for many, and was not helping them progress. After 25
years in the Spirit World he was granted the opportunity
to come back to a friend and dictate a book, or channel
information on what it is like to live in the Spirit World
as a Spirit Individual. His book gives a lot of details as to
how this communication was done. He leaves few stones
unturned, and his eloquent way of writing far overshadows
my own. (If it bothers you that the book was channeled,
then take a look at all of Holy Writ and see if you can find
any writings from God or the other side that are not
channeled. If you think about it, you will conclude, as I
did, that there is nothing written from God that is not
channeled in some way.)
I felt compelled to get the message of this book out
to people and in the early part of 1993 I was able to obtain
the rights to publish Bensons book in the United States,
and began the process of getting it ready to go to press.
When the book came out I placed radio ads on a local
LDS church owned radio station which was very skeptical
of what their listeners would think about the book. To
calm the stations fears, we decided to run the ads from
midnight to five oclock a.m. and see if they received any
negative feed back. These ads were run at random times,
and because of the time frame, were not too expensive.
At about four oclock a.m. on the third night of running
the ads, I was awakened abruptly from a very sound sleep.

It was as if someone had grabbed the front of my shirt and

pulled me to a sitting position in bed. At the same time I
heard a voice say, You need to listen to the ad on the radio
right now. The voice was not harsh or demanding but
confident in its tone, if you can call it a tone of voice for I
could not distinguish whether I heard the sound with my
ears or in my mind.
For a moment I thought I must still be dreaming and I
started to lie back down when I was firmly pulled forward
again and the exact same words were repeated. At this
point I began to fumble around in the dark for the radio.
This woke my wife up and she asked sleepily, What are
you doing?
I said, I need to listen to the ad on the radio.
She said, Its four in the morning; go back to sleep.
In the dark I kept fumbling with the radio until it
came on, and then I began to play with the unlit tuner. As
I turned the knob I came across the radio station the very
second the ad started to play.
My wife then sat up and asked, What is going on?
I said, I dont know, but I do know that I need to
listen to the ad right now.
When the ad finished I set the radio down and
through the dark I could see that my wife had a puzzled
and somewhat fearful look: Mike . . . there is someone
here in our room.
No, I said.
There are three of them and they are right over
there. She pointed.
Although I looked about the room and saw nothing
out of the normal, I could distinctly feel or sense three

individuals off to my right. The best way I can describe it is

to say that they put off energy, and I instinctively knew they
were males, or that it was male energy. How exactly I knew
this, I cannot say. It is difficult sometimes to describe how
information from the Spirit World is conveyed because
much of the time it is received differently from the way in
which we usually communicate knowledge.
At the time I dont remember thinking about being
afraid or scared, but later I did look back on the experience
and marvel at how calm I was, yet rather excited to have
such an experience.
Not knowing what to do next, I tried to relax and
immediately I heard a voice in my mind say, I am Robert
Benson and I want to thank you for your interest in my
behalf. If you have any questions about the Spirit World I
am here to answer those questions.
All of my communication with Robert and his two
friends were done by speaking mentally back and forth.
My wife and I would talk back and forth verbally deciding
what to ask, and then I would relax and mentally ask the
question. The visitors would immediately answer in the
same way. The answers were so clear and distinct that I
asked my wife several times if she could hear what they
were saying, but she could not.
We asked every question we could think of and I was
surprised at some of the strange answers that Robert gave.
This correspondence took place for about 40 minutes, after
which time I began to feel extremely tired even though I
had just had most of a nights sleep.
Robert and his friends seemed to ignore my need for
a change in pace so I point blank told them: I need a rest.

Either I need to go back to sleep, or make love to my wife,

or something, but I need a change.
To this they said nothing but I could hear them
communicating among themselves. As Robert and his two
friends began to leave, their images came into view and I
could see them as one sees three friends walking away after
a short chat. (Whether this was with my physical eyes or
spiritual eyes I cannot say, but I saw them without having
to strain or concentrate.) Then the one on the right looked
back and said, Enjoy it while you can. I was astonished
at his apparent sense of humor, and it did leave a lasting
impression on me.
My greatest mistake was not writing down what we
asked and what they said in return. Within two weeks my
wife and I could only remember about half of what was
said in that forty minute encounter. Still it was just as real
as me writing this now, and I basked in the joy of having
had this break through of the veil.
As simple and comfortable as this encounter seemed,
we came to the realization that we had actually talked with
the dead, and our lives were changed. I knew from that
moment on I would never be the same. I would never
go to a funeral again and think of that persons body in
the box as anything more than a pile of earth that at one
time housed the personality of someone I knew. The real
person, the life essence, or spirit, was still as alive as it
had ever been, but it was now free of the limitations (and
advantages!) of the physical body.
As you may well imagine I was very quiet about whom
I told this experience, and how. For a time and out of
fear of being ostracized I kept the experience to myself,

only telling my father and one or two trusted friends.

Some very important truths came out of this meeting.
Not that Robert and his friends told me anything so earth
shattering or profound, but what I learned about myself
and how God works would change my life forever.
First: I came to realize that the heavens are not
sealed, that the other side, as we have come to call it, is
a real place. It exists just as much as we do now. These
personalities or spirits, as we on earth like to refer to
them, have desires to grow, progress, and share what they
know, just like we often do. Later on I will explain this
in more detail.
Second: This place is accessible to anyone at any time.
Worthiness has no bearing on whether you can talk to
God or hear His voice, or any other voice or person from
the Spirit World.
This was a very radical shift from my upbringing. I
had always been taught that the only way you could experience the things of God was by being worthy, with no real
definition or sometimes too many definitions of what that
word worthy meant.
Then I remembered reading in the scriptures where
God had called to Cain, after Cain had just killed Abel,
and said, Cain where is thy brother? Cain was a murderer
and yet God had just spoken to him. I felt even more sure
that God could speak to me as well, even if it was not
directly, but through a spirit named Robert Benson.
If worthiness had no bearing on talking to God, then
what did? Why were some able to do it and others not?
Jesus gave the answer when He said, If you believe,
you can do all things. I was learning that belief is

everything, for it is the foundation of faith the idea of

worthiness was something apart and has judgment written
all over it.
The power of believing that you can get through the
veil is critical. If you exercise no faith that it will happen, I
promise you that it wont. At the least you must be neutral
to the possibility of the world of Spirit to even experience
something from that realm that you dont understand.
Third: I found that I had to be very flexible. If I had
an agenda of how I thought it had to happen, then I was
setting myself up for disappointment.
This too was a difficult lesson to learn, because others
would tell me that God only worked a certain way, which
of course they knew, even though they hadnt had any
experience with God or someone from the Spirit World
speaking to them.
When I gave up the idea that it had to happen for
me as it had happened for someone else, things began to
move forward at a faster pace. I was taking God out of the
box where I had put Him/Her (theres another box), and
tearing down the barriers that had blocked my mind to
learning more truth. That is not to say that I was wrong in
my first thinking or my early understanding of God, but
that I was now building upon what I had learned, and that
enabled me to go further than I had before. At least I was
seeing a shift in myself and progress being made.
I also noticed that if I found I was being criticized by
those who didnt understand the changes that were taking
place in my life, or if they felt that I was not going about
this the right way, then I tried to look at the kind of person
they were, and what they had accomplished in their lives.

There are many places in the Holy Writ, and even Jesus
said, By their fruits ye shall know them. I had to ask
myself, Were my actions and accomplishments loving,
kind, and gentle; was I at peace with myself and God?
And how about those who didnt understand? Were they
displaying these loving attributes? If not, should I be
heeding their advice?




My Grandfather
Two weeks after meeting Robert Benson, I was driving
only three or four blocks from my home when I began to
get that Witness of the Spirit feeling again. This was
a very strong sensation and it went from the top of my
head to the tips of my toes. I started feeling sweaty and I
thought that my whole body was going to overheat.
I began to have the sense that my grandfather was
there with me. He had passed away eight years earlier and
although we were close I had not thought much about him,
even though I had enjoyed being in his company. I saw
nothing unnatural, but could feel a familiar energy that my
grandfather was emanating.
As with Robert Benson I tried to clear my mind of all
thoughts and listen for a voice, but nothing came, just this
extremely intense feeling of great joy. As the feeling began
to fade I looked next to me in the passenger seat and actually pointed my finger in that direction, and said out loud,
I know that you are here, Grandpa, and when I get to the
other side, I want you to tell me how you made me feel this
way. Still I heard no speaking. At this point I so wanted
to hear him or see him, but there was no contact in what

we would call a normal or physical way.

Because of the close connection with my grandfather when he was still in the flesh, this encounter surprisingly meant a lot more to me than the meeting with Robert
Benson. Although Robert and his two friends were visible
to my physical eye they still did not have the impact that
my grandfather did. Looking back on it now, I think the
added emotion tied in with this encounter gave it a much
longer lasting and deeper meaning for me.
It took a couple of days for the effects to wear off, and
even after a few weeks all I had to do was think about the
experience and immediately the feeling would return, and
I could to some degree, enjoy him again.
As the weeks began to roll on with publishing Life
in the World Unseen, my grandfather started coming
more frequently. If I became still, focused, meditative, or went into the now (which I will explain later),
I could actually hear his voice and he would speak to me.
The encounters always seemed to have a purpose and I
pondered often at how concerned he seemed to be about
his family and what was happening to his posterity. Several
times he came with information about my living grandmother, and things that I could do to help her.
In late July of 1993, my grandfather made a most
unusual visit while I was driving to work on the freeway
one early morning. My grandfather suddenly, without
warning, appears in the car with me! Now he is not sitting
invisibly next to me, but I can actually see him standing in
the middle of the dashboard half in and half out of the car!
Exactly how this works I havent a clue. He is dressed as I
remember seeing him when he was still in the flesh. The

road and the rest of the area behind him, in front of the
car, have gone gray and it seems as though the vehicle is
on auto pilot.
The first words out of his mouth are, Whatever you
do, dont stop growing and developing spiritually, it will
put you so much further ahead in the world to come. At
this time he also tells me several personal things about my
life and tasks I should do which will help me to progress.
Then he explains that a cousin of mine is in need of help
and he wants me to call and try to be of assistance!
As he leaves, my surroundings go back to normal, but
I can still feel the energy he brought with him. It is peaceful
and serene calming, yet direct. It is hard to convey now
the true depth of what I was feeling at the time.
To experience the continuation of a relationship that
had ended with death was new to me. It is really difficult
to convey the magnitude of what it felt like. When people
died I had learned to drop them from my contact list.
That was the end of any kind of relationship. Yet here he
was literally continuing our friendship. There really is
no deathjust a transformation to another state of living.
The mind or personality is exactly the same mind it was
upon the change to spirit life. I had always had a belief in
the afterlife, but to switch to a knowing or sure knowledge
that it is there, is a bit of a jump.
I knew I had to act on my grandfathers wishes.
As I made the first call I could feel the hesitation in my
voice when my cousins wife answered the phone. I had
only seen my cousin once in five years and it was a little
awkward trying to help him when I didnt even know what
he needed. His wife was very nice on the phone, but told

me everything was fine and that they didnt need my help.

With this I let it go and went about my normal routine.
It had never occurred to me to have my grandfather be
specific about what was wrong.
A couple of weeks later the same thing happened
againmy grandfather came to me and repeated the same
words about helping my cousin. This visit was not visual,
but verbal only. I could hear him very clearly and feel his
presence, but saw nothing with my physical eyes. Strangely
I began to find it hard to tell if I was hearing his voice with
my physical ears or in my mindsort of like seeing Robert
Benson and wondering if I saw him with my physical
eyes or with spiritual sight. The two worlds feel closely
connected and overlap in so many ways, it actually seems
very natural.
After this visit I again made the call to my cousin,
with the same results. A bit more embarrassed than the
first time, I dismissed the incident but began to wonder
just a bit if I was losing my mind. Why would I be asked to
help someone who didnt need help?
Another two weeks went by and again my grandfather
came and gave me the same message for the third time.
With extreme trepidation I sunk my head and thought, not
again. How can he do this to me? Am I just a guinea
pig and they are having their fun with me? How many
times can I do this? But this time there was a different
result. When I asked my cousins wife if there was anything
I could do to help them, she started to cry.
After some time she composed herself and began to tell
me a most bizarre tale about her adopted children. Before
she and my cousin married she was married to another

man and they had adopted four children. These children

came from three different cultural backgrounds: Indian,
Korean, and African American. It was a family blend that
was sure to present challenges to the best of parents. Then,
accusations of child molesting led to a divorce and left the
family very dysfunctional.
When my cousin came on the scene, it at first seemed
that the family was going to find stability again, but that
was short-lived. Within a brief period of time the teenage
girls were accusing my cousin of similar problems. His
wife informed me that Family Services had just picked up
the children and put them in foster homes.
Both my cousin and his wife were devastated. I then
asked her, How could I help? She said that they needed an
attorney and the money to fight Family Services and prove
that they were fit parents. At this point I had no money and
knew of no attorney that handled such cases. I didnt have
the courage to tell my cousins wife that our dead grandfather had told me to call, so I just said, I dont know exactly
what to do, but I think I know someone who can help. Ill
get in touch with him and see what he has to say.
By this time I had learned that if I prayed and asked
the Lord to send my grandfather, he would immediately
respond. This would not work, however, if I only put a
casual effort into my request. The endeavor had to be
genuine and with a concentrated intent (in time this process
would become easier). When I requested of the Lord to
send my grandfather on this occasion, he was immediately
there. (I later learned that I could leave the Lord out of
the request and still get results, but I had to be a bit more
careful about what I received.)

My grandfathers instructions were to call my attorney

and get a referral for another attorney from him. This I did,
and my attorney not only gave me a referral for another
attorney, but he gave me a list of four lawyers to choose
from. As soon as I concentrated on the list, I heard my
grandfathers voice and felt that warm feeling again. He
showed me which attorney to call, by saying him and
having the name light up on the page, so I never even
bothered contacting the others.
To my surprise the attorney that I called was a bishop
in the Mormon Church. I felt that if anyone would understand my cousins need for help, it would be this man. He
wanted to meet with my cousin and his wife and then
contact me.
This he did a few days later, and told me that he would
like to take the case. He felt he would be able to help my
cousin get his children back. I then asked him how much
he charged and he said, One hundred dollars per hour. I
am sure he heard me gasp on the other end of the phone.
I then asked, Do you ever do these things on a lump sum
basis? I gulped. I think that my terminology caught him
off guard a bit, but he understood what I meant and said it
would take $5000.00 to see this case through. This seemed
like a mountain of money as I was trying to get my little
book publishing business off the ground. I could think
of ten places that I could spend that kind of money rather
than putting it into something that seemed like someone
elses problem.
I said, I dont have the money, but I know someone
who may be able to help me get it. Ill have to get back
to you. Please dont say anything to my cousin about how

much this is going to cost; I know that it will only put him
under more stress. He agreed and thanked me for helping
him get involved with the case. I think he felt a genuine
connection with this family and really did want to help.
It was only a split second before my grandfather was
talking to me. He said, Dont worry about the money; we
will help you get it. I must admit this didnt help me to
forget about the money. I could see no way that my business was going to get those kinds of funds. It would have
been easier to crawl across the freeway naked in rush hour
traffic than to find $5000.00!
About a week later, in early September, my grandfather came again. He told me to get a thousand dollars
together and go to Las Vegas. Once I was there he would
show me what to do.
For the first time since his appearing to me, I started
to question what he was telling me, and I wrestled with his
instructions. I found that the communication line was not
as clear. This, I didnt know at the time, was because of
my lack of faith. I asked him what he wanted me to do in
Las Vegas, but he would give me no answer. In my mind
I kept trying not to think about it, but I still couldnt help
but wonder if he was going to have me gamble.
Although he was not speaking, I knew he was
listening, so I told him I had never gambled in my life, and
that what he was asking me to do was totally out of character for me. He still did not answer back, so I resolved to
get the thousand dollars together and play it by ear (go by
the spirit).
When I got to Las Vegas I began to hear my grandfathers voice again and he directed me to Caesars Palace.

There he had me sit at the roulette wheel and we began

playing. This was by no means something I was forced to
do; nor was my free will taken away at any time. Everything
I was doing I did of my own free will and choice.
Now I simply tried to concentrate on my grandfather
and have him give me any instructions that he felt I needed.
Never, ever in my life had I been in such an awkward position. This place seemed to have no redeeming qualities,
and I kept questioning myself why I was there. One thing
I was sure of; I was not here for my own personal gain. I
would rather have starved.
Still I persisted taking one step at a time, and then
things started to happen. After about an hour I had
tripled what I came with and began to see light at the
end of the tunnel. Even to this day I can feel the pride
that came over me as I was winning the money that my
cousin needed to get his children back. It was a feeling of
exuberance that I was beating the system. Then, as fast
as I had won it . . . I lost it all! Not just the winnings, but
the seed money as well!
Dejected, at one oclock in the morning, I went out
to my Jeep and lay down in the back. As I thought on
the events that had just taken place, I began to plead with
heaven that I could have an answer to why this had turned
out so negatively. Not only was I short the $5000.00 that
my cousin needed, but I was out the $1000.00 I had brought
with me. Money was tight at the time and this was beginning to feel like a mean trick. It was much easier to blame
my grandfather than to ever blame myself. I knew that
getting angry would not solve the problem, but some outlet
for the frustration I was feeling would really be nice!

Then I heard my grandfathers voice. He said, We

just had to see if you would do it. In kind of an angry
tone I shot back, But you knew that I would do whatever
you asked!
And he said Yes, but you didnt know that you would
do it. You put too much emphasis on money.
Then I said, Thats easy for you to say; you dont
have to eat, or buy clothes or put a roof over your head!
He replied, Go home and we will provide the money to
help your cousin.
It was a long rather embarrassing six hour journey back
home. Not often have I felt sorry for myself or indulged in
self pity, but I did this time! Looking back I can see that I
had far too much interest in the outcome. I was not going
to be happy unless it turned out the way I thought it was
supposed to. I would soon learn differently. The other side
had a different agenda for me on this trip.
(I have included this in my history here because it
has impacted myself and many others, and will at some
point have a greater significance to me than it does at this
writing. My thoughts are that by sharing it now, its future
roll may have a smoother transition.)
On the way home I was led to take a side jaunt to
a gold mining venture known as the Relief Mine, or the
Dream Mine. This mine is just south of Spanish Fork,
Utah, and has never produced any monetary benefit to its
supporters since its opening back in the late 1800s.
Starting with a dream experienced by John Koyle,
this mine has created more spiritual controversy than any
single project in Utah history. The fact that John Koyle
made prediction after prediction that came true, left even

his staunchest critics wondering where this man fit into

the grand scheme of things. Although a strong supporter
of the Mormon Church, he found himself at odds with the
leadership on many occasions.
It is hard to describe in words the feelings I had this
hot September day as I stepped foot on the property for
the first time. Some call it hallowed ground, or a spiritual
vortex; but for me, a newcomer to this place, it was an
exhilarating feeling I had never experienced before. I felt
light or buoyant as I walked. Why it had this effect on me I
cannot say. I have been back to the land many times since
and never felt the energy like I did that day.
Some time shortly after getting home, I had a dream
about this mine, in which I was taken into a cavern that
was opened up by the people working the mine. When we
entered this cavern, or large room, there were seven or
nine of us who had been selected to view and document
what was in this man made cave. We proceeded past other
caverns to this last one and entered from what seemed to be
the west side, (if one is able to tell directions underground).
The room had some large columns which looked like they
may have been left for support. Near one of these columns
I saw a vase about three feet high and ten inches across the
top. It was filled with gold coins that had inscriptions on
them I had never seen. Records of every type and description were all around. Most of them seemed to be made of
metal but I did not examine them close enough to be sure.
At one end of the room there was a table that attracted my
attention, but I could not tell why I was drawn to it. On
top of the table were writing instruments that I had never
seen before.

I started to ask questions about what I was seeing and

the dream began to fade. I know that I was told many
things about this place but I have never been able to recall
the specifics. I suppose that in time I will understand with
greater detail what this is all about. Until then I am satisfied to let it unfold in its time. How Koyles visions and
mine will finally play out I cannot say, but I do know that
he fulfilled a great mission on this earth, of which we have
only seen the beginning.
Within two weeks of getting home from Las Vegas my
business began to go crazy. I was doing radio interviews
by phone about the book, Life in the World Unseen all
over the country, and the books were selling better than
they ever had. Prior to this time I would sell between five
and fifteen books in the days following an interview; now
the numbers increased dramatically. One interview at a
station in Philadelphia sold over 300 copies within a few
hours. To my great surprise, I soon had earned enough
money to pay for my cousins legal battle. Although I had
stretched the payments out over a couple of months with
the attorney, I still had enough money to pay him and meet
all of my other obligations. At this point I found that my
grandfather was right, if I would just trust in what I was
given, it would all turn out for my good, even if I didnt
see it at the time.
The legal battle for the children went on for over a
year and in the end the parents decided it was in the best
interest of the children and their long term good to be
with families that better fit their needs. For me it was
another lesson in trying to not predict the outcome; just
do as I know to do.



Destruction Dream and

Learning to Listen
Sometime in early August, I had a most interesting
dream in which I was standing at the south end of a long
valley. I knew the valley ran north to south because the sun
had just come up to my right over some mountains and was
not very high in the sky. On my left were smaller mountains
that didnt seem to have as much foliage on them.
At the time I was not sure exactly where I was, for
the surroundings were destroyed, and changed enough to
make it hard to identify features. As I looked up the middle
of the valley, all I could see was broken cement and twisted
metal. I knew that the destruction had just happened, but
I was unsure of the cause. My first thoughts were that this
looked like Hiroshima or Nagasaki, but I could see no
mushroom cloud to indicate a nuclear explosion. In fact
the sky looked totally clear. There was no smoke or fires
coming from the rubble. I was also surprised that I could
see no dust coming up from the falling of these structures,
and I assumed the dust must have already settled by the
time I was viewing this.
Far down the valley I could still see nothing but

flattened buildings. (After the dream was over I realized

that there were no people in this dream. I felt that they were
there, but I didnt see a single one.) I then heard a voice say,
This is October 10th. The date stuck in my mind because
it was only two days after my oldest sons birthday. I waited
to hear an indication of what year, but it was never given.
For the next yea and a half I thought the valley I was
looking at was Salt Lake Valley from the south end, but
when I moved to Payson, Utah, in February of 1995, I
began to wonder if the valley that I was shown was actually
Utah County looking north from the hill about 200 yards
from our home. It fit the dream as well as the Salt Lake
Valley, but still that part was not clear enough to make a
definite identification.
The clearest part was the date, which I still feel will
transpire in the not too distant future. Exactly why I was
shown this particular dream I cannot say. Many times
I have tried to figure things out, only to find that it is
better to set the dreams aside and let them unfold in their
natural way. It reminds me of the statement, Let go and
let God.
As you read on you will see that my lifes story includes
many dreams and visions. These dreams and experiences
are woven together in a rather complex manner, but I have
tried hard not to use them to make life-changing decisions.
They have been more assistance in looking at myself and
seeing how I would react if placed in a particular situation. I have learned to gauge the accuracy of them by their
intensity or realness. This dream of destruction was one
of the more real ones that I have ever had. At the time it
seemed very vivid, but I had nothing to judge it by because

this was the first of its kind, and it happened so early on

my path. Since then I have had many dreams that have
had definite meanings, and as we progress you will see
that these dreams foretold events that had significance in
my life.
During this same period of time I began to develop
a method that I found helpful in receiving revelation or
answers to prayer. I share it now to help your grasp of
why I walked my particular path. Many people have asked
me how I talk to God or how I know that He is talking
back. And not just God, but any other entity that doesnt
have blood running through it. Mine is just one method
of many, but because it served me so well in the beginning
I used it continually until I found myself doing it without
any conscious effort or without knowing it was happening.
Where this idea came from or how I came up with this
technique I honestly cannot say. Perhaps it has been with
me for countless ages or I may have picked it up in my
sleep. Whatever the answer, it has worked well for me and
this method is so easy that anyone can learn it.
To start with, you must believe that the Spirit World
is real and that you can be spoken to just as people in the
Bible or prophets of old were spoken to. If you do not
have this basic belief it will be pointless for you to try this
exercise. What you receive you will not believe and your
efforts will be futile. Soon you would dismiss the experiences and in time even forget that you have had them. For
this reason there is little harm in learning this method.
A little further along we will discuss learning how to
discern those who wish to talk to you. For now, try to
exercise just a small belief that what I am telling you is the

truth. Or if you cant go even that far, at least believe that

it is true for Mike Rigby and see if by plowing through this
you can visualize the broader picture of what I am trying
to explain.
In its simplest form this is nothing more than a
two-way communication between you and another individual. If we take a few words from the Bible and assume
for a moment that they are true, you should be able to
see that God wants to communicate with us. James the
Apostle of Christ said, If any of you lack wisdom let him
ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth
not. (James 1:5)
Lets break this down for a moment: If any who
is not included here? To me this means that everyone is
on equal ground with respect to asking of God. No one
will be turned down for He giveth to all men liberally.
This being the case no color, race, or religious affiliation is a prerequisite for receiving from God. Logic alone
will tell us that if God is truly a God of unconditional
love, then He can place no condition upon that love, or
the dispensing of it to his children. This also holds true for
hearing His voice, or for His giving liberally. To those who
want to put God in a box and say that He has to do it like
this or that I say, You need to experience God for yourself, and your perspective on how He works will change
drastically. And then let everyone experience God for
themselves, in their own way.
I cannot emphasize enough how open God is to all
people and how desirous all those on the light side are,
to help us progress. Those who find comfort or security in
the Bible or the way Jesus said it, should remember Jesus

words when He was talking about His Father and He asked

this question: (Matthew: Chapter 7: verses 9-11.)
. . . Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask
bread, will he give him a stone? . . . Or if he ask a fish, will
he give him a serpent? . . . If ye then, being evil, know
how to give good gifts unto your children, how much
more shall your Father which is in heaven give good
things to them that ask him?
It is important here that you put behind you the idea
that you are not going to get an answer, or that you are not
worthy: God will answer you. Now if we can get those two
stumbling blocks behind us He does talk to all and ALL
are worthy lets proceed to develop a way to communicate or listen.
When you close your eyes, where are you? Not just
the physical you, but the mental you, or the spiritual you
the part that does the thinking. What happens to that part
of you (your personality), when you close your eyes and
are no longer able to concentrate or focus on the environment around you? Now close your ears or stop listening to
outside noises as well. If you need to put ear plugs in or ear
muffs on, do thatstop the external distractions.
I ask this question, where are you? Because for me it
is relative to how I see myself from a spiritual perspective.
As I close my eyes, I am just behind where my eyes are
physically located on my body. In other words, the thinking
part of me is situated someplace close to the middle of my
brain. When I first started to continuously close my eyes
and go to this place, it was like a room that was bound by
the sides of my skull. It is now much different in that the
limitations of my skull or the sides of the room have no

restraints. For the purpose of helping you understand, and

maybe experiment on your own, lets go back to looking
at this as a space that has definite walls, top, and bottom.
Relax and see if you can feel the energy of your thought
process as you drift or float in this place.
I did not feel this energy when I first started to receive
information, so I know that you can receive without recognizing the energy. When I first found myself doing this
little exercise it was very deliberate and seemed a bit hokey.
With time I began to find I could relax very quickly using
this method. Being in this space I would consciously try
to push any and all thoughts away from the center point or
area where I viewed myself.
You may find it even more helpful if you picture
yourself as a small person in this area with your hands
being held up pushing out any thoughts that may enter
your space. As I would do this I found that I could remain
neutral or without any thoughts for longer periods of time.
This state is nothing more than prayer or meditation
or the now. The longer I was here, the less effort it took
to keep the thoughts out. If you can maintain this state
for a while, you will notice that your breathing will slow
down, and for me, my heart beat drops drastically.
While here, many things can be done, not the least of
which is going to sleep. And this is a very deep sleep. Often
while traveling with friends for even short distances, I will
go into this space to catch up on needed rest.
If I now quit blocking the thoughts, I would begin
to perceive or feel someone start to speak. Many times
this was only conceived as a thought, but more often I
found that I could hear a distinct voice or voices. These

are very soft quiet voices that have always given me what
I would call my highest thought. (Never have I heard
any voice that was harsh, cruel, or mean. Many people
claim they hear harsh voices, but for me it has never
happened.) It took me a lot of practice and time before I
could learn to distinguish these voices. When you learn
to feel who is talking, you will also begin to recognize
the light that emanates from that individual. The only
way I can distinguish these voices is by their frequency
or intensity. This, as I mentioned before, seems to be
distinct to each individual.
I also found that the more I experienced these
frequencies the easier it was to gauge the level or quality
of light or enlightenment coming from the speaker. To my
great surprise, I was able to think back on earlier experiences (like the one with Robert Benson) and re-measure
or re-experience the light others are giving off. This
ability to look back and see the light is a two-edged sword.
On the one hand it has been helpful to know what level
of light is coming from someone giving me information,
but on the other hand I found myself judging those who
were speaking by their level of light, and putting them in
boxes or giving them labels that I afterwards discovered
in myself.
Later on in my history Ill share with you an experience
showing just how embarrassing seeing yourself for who you
really are can be. For now, if you are comfortable with this
technique; practice it on a daily basis. If you find that you
have a hard time concentrating on nothing try it for a
shorter period. When I first started, one minute seemed like
forever, but with a little work I could soon go into this space

for ten minutes and it seemed like ten seconds.

Just dont give up on yourself. You have immeasurable help on the other side supporting you in your efforts.
This may be something you find hard to believe, but I
assure you it is true. The more you work on this, the more
you will know just how connected and interrelated you and
God are.
My wife brought me back to the present when she
asked me what time it was. A few more minutes passed
as we sat waiting at the church for others to pass judgment on our lives. Surprisingly my anxiety was taken up
in the reflections of my life, leaving me calm and much
more relaxed than I would have normally been under such
circumstances. Again I began to reflect and the video of
my life seemed to pick up just where it had left off.



C hrist in My Life
Some time around September of 1993, after I had
had several voice communications with my grandfather
and seen his physical appearance in the car, I had another
pleasant but startling apparition at home.
One morning as I was getting ready to take a shower,
I could again distinctly feel the presence of my grandfather. Dismissing the feeling and not hearing anyone speak,
I simply pulled the shower curtain back with my left hand
and started to step into the shower when I saw my grandfather standing half way through the shower curtain! He
looked like his usual pleasant self with a smile that left me
relaxed but a little unnerved.
Here I was, buff naked, shocked at sharing my shower.
Without even thinking I said, Grandfather, dont you have
any respect? And he said Mike, we see everything you
do. I knew that statement alone would change my life,
and I told him that I didnt think I would tell my wife what
he said. I could see by the smile on his face that he knew
where I was going with this one!
Again my grandfather gave me information to help
his family. He spoke of my grandmother and told me that

she needed my attention. Then as quickly as he had come

he was gone.
Later, as I tried to analyze why he had appeared in
person at this time and not at others, I could only conclude
that at the time, for some unknown reason, it was important that I see him visually.
Since then, however, I have learned that it is totally
within my ability to have any visitor from the other side
stay longer than they or I had planned. I have found that
it only takes conscious effort or an exercise in faith on my
part, and the whole experience can be stretched out until I
feel it is time to end the encounter.
I should also point out here, of all that my grandfather taught me, one lesson stands out above the others.
The first time I felt my grandfather in the car with me
you will recall that I said, When I get to the other side
I want you to tell me how you made me feel this way....
To my great joy, I didnt have to wait until passing to
the Spirit World to get an answer to this question. Once
as we were talking, I simply asked him how it was that
each time he came around I got this burning feeling, or
Witness of the Spirit.
He said, Because I act in the office of the Holy
I said, What are you talking about, the Holy Ghost
is a Spirit?
He said, Yes, that is true, and there is an individual
whom you call the Holy Ghost who presides over or oversees this office. It would be more accurate to call it the
mind and will of God. But the reality of how it works is
much different than what you have perceived. There are

literally millions of individuals who act in this office, or a

better way to put it, who have this power. It is the power
to witness or give a witness of truth by the strong burning
feeling of peace that comes from within. Anytime you see
truth, speak truth, or hear truth, we can confirm it by this
burning feeling. I dont know that I could have been more
shocked. This concept seemed to make sense, but it was a
radical change from my upbringing.
(Please note here that I use the word Holy Ghost,
because of my church or ecclesiastical upbringing. It was a
word that I was used to and understood. You may choose
burning, warmth, goose bumps, or any other number of
definitions for the same feeling.)
I have since learned that even the concept that my
grandfather gave me is more structured than how this
power is used on higher levels. Those spirits who live or
operate in the upper levels of Light use the Witness of
the Spirit power more as an extension of who they are,
with no conscious effort needed. They act as though this is
just the way it is. Whereas within my grandfathers realm;
it takes mental exertion to give this feeling to mortals. I
also have the feeling this office is a very large step of
progression for my grandfather and those around him.
It was not long after this visit that my life took yet
another dramatic turn. I was asking my grandfather
questions of a spiritual nature, when I heard a new voice
answer my enquiry. Although it was not the voice of my
grandfather, it was somehow familiar. A peaceful, loving
feeling of contentment enveloped me, and I instinctively
knew who it was. I wasnt sure where or when, but I had
experienced that voice before. Perhaps it wasnt the voice

as much as the feeling behind the voice that I knew. I

wanted my grandfather to confirm it to me and so I said,
Grandpa, who speaks?
He confirmed my feelings, Thats the Lord, and He
is the one whom you should follow. Suddenly the feeling
intensified and went much deeper into my being. Oh, that
every soul on earth could feel of this intense warmth!
From that day on I have had very limited conversations
with my grandfather, since his work with me was finished
and it was time for me to move on. I shall ever be grateful
for the role my Grandfather Bryant has played in my life,
both in the flesh and in the spirit. His love and concern
for my wellbeing and especially my spiritual growth will
ever be a source of strength to me. I can only hope that
his growth during this important period in my life was as
great as mine. The bond that was developed between us
will last forever, worlds without end.
What unfolded next I can only describe as overwhelming.
For some five plus months everything that I received
from the other side of the veil came directly or indirectly
from Jesus.
I could not begin to try and explain to you what love
emanates from this Being. Words would only confine
the experience and limit how grand and enjoyable it was.
I shall, however, explain to you the things that He did
with me, and the teachings I received at the hand of the
Master Teacher.
As with my grandfather, all I had to do was go into
that quiet mode I have talked about before, and immediately He (Jesus) would come and begin to speak.
These experiences were much like the ones with

Grandfather Bryant. I was able to feel His presence and

hear His voice but at this time did not see Him physically.
I could go on for hours about the conversations that we
had together. Never did I find Him to be condemning
of anyone. He always sees the good in others. It became
embarrassing to even bring up a topic that would put
another person or group of people in a negative light (if
there is even such a thing as negative light), for each time
that I did He would show me how what they were going
through was exactly what they needed in order to progress spiritually.
I have always felt that my attitude towards life and
others was positive, but Jesus had me beat hands down.
Anything I asked, He would answer and usually did it with
a question that sent me thinking for several minutes if not
days. The depth of His thought process is astounding. He
could see three steps ahead of my thinking all the time.
Each time He spoke or gave me an answer I would marvel
at His wisdom. It became easy to see why He has the role
He does with this earth.
I also found out why so many refer to Him as Master.
Truly He has mastered all things. To my surprise, Jesus,
very early in our working together, had me set aside the
title Master, for it created too much class distinction
and He much preferred we be on a more equal basis. It
will surprise some that Jesus is far more interested in our
becoming like Him than in worshiping Him.
Within the first few weeks of working with the Lord I had
two very incredible experiences. Both changed my outlook,
but the second one was much more profound than the first.
Some time in August I had gotten a little bold about

sharing a few of the experiences I had had in the spring of

that same year. This boldness led me to open up to a friend
who I shall name Mr. Call. To my great astonishment and
relief he actually believed what I told him, and he even
shared it with a lady friend of his that was of the same
mental persuasion. They were both affiliated to a small
degree with a group of religious people in central Utah.
This body of believers in Christ was not a formal religion
at the time, but were simply people seeking further light
and knowledge. Mr. Call told these friends what had
happened to me, and their small assembly of believers in
Christ wanted me to come down and share in person the
experiences that I had with Robert Benson.
This I agreed to do in September, and found it to be
a most enjoyable association. A spirit of great warmth and
openness could be felt among these people as I told them
what had happened to me. They did not question my truthfulness but asked many questions about the details, which
they found puzzling, as these experiences took place.
Two or three weeks after I had spoken to these people
they called me on the phone and asked if I wanted to come
down and go through a learning session with them, which
they called The true order of prayer. They said it was to
help a person better communicate with God.
Not knowing if this was something that I should go
through or not, I turned to the Lord, with whom I had
just started working and asked Him what I should do. His
answer was much different than I had expected. I had
hoped for a simple yes or no, but what I got was a question: Mike, can you hear my voice?
I said, Yes Lord, you know I can hear you.

He responded with another question, Then why do

you need that? What followed next was a several minute
explanation of why He had said what He did and what the
purpose of the true order of prayer was.
The gist of the conversation was this: Mike, all
people coming into the flesh are here to learn because
they see themselves separated from their creator. This is a
very natural process. Within each of us is a desire to gain
back that closeness and love that we have felt in the past.
Through the experiences of life, our ability to recognize
that love and the power we each have to manifest it and
bring it to us, becomes clouded.
When we were young, our innocence kept this
connection with the Kingdom of God closer. It is the
reason that I said, Except ye become as a little child you
cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven. These people,
and all others who are using different forms of meditation, are only trying to reconnect with the part of them
they think is missing. Most never realize that to make the
connection they need not go through any pomp and ceremony. The Kingdom of Heaven is within you, means that
it is within your grasp, even nowas well as the fact that it
is not outside of who you are.
Actually you are the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom
is not something man builds with his hands. It is that
power of God that is built within you. If you have learned
to hear my voice, then why would you want to go back to
using the crutches of robes, incense, or oils? That is why
people use these physical props, and if these put them in a
state of mind where they can communicate with Me better,
then I support them in it knowing that in time they will

throw out the crutches.

You have probably guessed by now that I did not go to
central Utah and experience what these people were trying
to teach, but I did learn that had I chosen to do so, Jesus
would have supported me one hundred percent.
After what seemed like almost continual communication with the Lord, I one day found myself in a really
awkward position. I had been directed by the Lord to share
some spiritual things with someone whom I had looked up
to, a person whose opinion and perspective I respected.
But, upon hearing my experiences, that person became
really negative, and rejected what was happening to me.
For the first time since all of this started, I began to
seriously doubt what I was receiving. I even said out loud,
I must not know how to listen or this would never have
turned out so negatively. It is not my basic nature to be
depressed or down about life, and only a few times have I
ever really felt discouraged.
As soon as this doubt crept in, it was like someone
had shut off the lights. I struggled to get rid of the thick
black feeling that seemed to shroud me, but it was no use.
It was like an umbrella had been placed over me, blocking
any light from getting to where I stood. This dark feeling
continued with me wherever I went that day. Even stranger
was the fact that I could see others were not affected by or
aware of the shadow that was over me. Their lives seemed
to go on as normal, yet I could not shake this feeling. It
was so strong that that night when I normally would go to
sleep, no sleep came. I just lay in bed wrestling with this
dark energy until about 5:00 a.m.
I was now feeling exhausted and very alone. I had

been praying or meditating almost non stop since eight

oclock in the evening, but nothing seemed to change. It
is very hard to describe to you what it is like to feel this
discouraged. I could see that I was beginning to give up
hope of ever getting out of this darkness. The blackness
became so intense and thick that I felt like I was being
compressed into a small space and I could bear it no more.
Freedom and mobility were a thing of the past and I found
myself completely void of a desire to go on. In this space
life was just not worth living because I didnt feel alive.
In desperation I asked the Lord to take me from this
earthly space for I had more than I could stand. As I made
this request, the surroundings around me began to take on
a blurry hue and I could feel myself drift into a semiconscious state. At that point I truly knew what people meant
when they say, Whether in the body or out of the body; I
knew not. It was quite euphoric when compared to what I
had just been experiencing. In this state I could see myself
lying on the bed and being above myself at the same time.
This is a bit difficult to describe and felt like something
I had experienced only two times before in a much more
limited way.
As I was in this space a young boy about the age of
eight or ten came up to me and said that he was to guide
me. Our surroundings were very normal, but I could tell
that I was seeing all of it from a different perspective.
Kind of like looking at something from the inside out if
that seems possible.
He showed me many things which I found interesting,
but I did not understand why I was seeing these things. We
went from place to place, all of which were near my home.

(I will skip the details of these places but give you the basics
of the message.)
The places were both dark and light, and as I saw
people in these places I could tell what light was coming
from them. We walked down a road where I could see a
group of eight young men coming towards us. These young
boys, about the ages of 14 and 15, were playing together
and laughing back and forth. I noticed immediately that
none of these boys felt left out. They each felt love from
the others and none of the boys wanted anything but for
each one to feel a part of the group.
Having worked with young men this age for many
years I was shocked at how mature they seemed to be with
regards to how they treated each other. It made me want to
be a part of what they were like and live as they were living.
(During this whole process I could still see myself lying on
the bed and being here with these boys at the same time
kind of strange to feel that I was in two places at once.)
I approached the boys and made the statement, I
used to work with young men about your age.
One of the boys turned to me and said, Yes we know,
we have worked with those same young men.
His statement took me off guard and I wondered
how it was that he could have worked or even known the
boys I had been with. I still dont know exactly how this
worked, but I felt no need to question the truthfulness of
what he said.
This same young man then said, We are here to show
you the love of Christ. They then formed a circle around
me maybe ten feet in diameter, with each of the boys facing
in toward me. Their hands were down to their sides with

the palms to the front. As they did this, I detected a blue

light directly over my head coming down on myself and
the boys. I looked up into the light but could not see how
it was created or what its origin was. The light that hit me
felt wonderful and all the light that was shining on them
was reflected or directed through their hands back to me
as well. This made the feeling I was having seem intensified a hundred times.
I felt a euphoria I had never experienced before in my life.
A feeling of love completely filled every part of my
being. I could independently feel every cell of my body
wiggle or vibrate and go into an ecstasy beyond my ability
to describe it. So intense was this feeling that I never
wanted it to leave. This euphoric sensation also carried
with it another trait that has stayed with me and been a
source of comfort many times.
I remember thinking at the time how protective I have
been of the needs of my wife and family wondering how
would they live if something happened to me? Who would
provide for their needs and how would they make ends
meet? While in this state, all of those concerns were swept
away. I was able to see that everything that was happening
to me and every creature and living entity had a purpose.
Though I was not able to know exactly what that purpose
was, I knew that it was in divine order and that in time it
would all work out for the good of the whole. Absolutely
nothing is left to chance!
I know that my telling you this may not be of great
comfort to you, but I did not only feel this assurance
I knew it with every part of my being. I was now given
a chance to remember what the love of God is like and

become a part of this great ocean of love again. This may

be hard to grasp, but I was now a part of everything that
exists: The plants, the rocks, the animals, and even every
human that lives, lived, or will yet come into existence. I
was a part of it all.
So strong were these feelings that I looked at the
young boys and begged them to continue with the experience. The one who had spoken to me and told me that
they were going to show me the love of Christ then said,
No, we are only here to show you what this feeling is
like. With those words the blue light went out and I was
immediately back on my bed.
I shall never be able to adequately describe what this
feeling and confidence was like. Swept away forever was
the darkness that I had felt that night. In its place was a
surety that I had never had before.
Oh, there will always be the opposition to the light,
but it will never have a place in me as it could have before. I
learned that morning that the love of God can overcome it
all. Even the ability to be deceived was swept away because
I now know that those with desires for deception could
not carry with them this feeling of love.
I began to watch for that feeling with everyone I met.
The more I learned to see it in others, the easier it became
to send it forth from myself.
There are many scriptures which talk about charity or
the pure love of Christ, but one has always stuck out in my
mind. It is found in 1 Corinthians 13:8 Charity never
faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail;
whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there
be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

This feeling of love is a constant that is not deterred

under any circumstances. It is sent forth from the source
of all truth and all are able to access it at all times. It is our
ability to understand this love and make it a part of our
personality that brings us to be one with God and do as
God does.
For several days my body seemed light and easy to
move. There was a bounce in my step that reminded me
of how wonderful I felt with the birth of each one of
our children.
I have done my very best to remember this feeling
continually and it is hard to let it go once you have experienced it. I have learned that whenever things seem
bleak in life, it is just an illusion that I and/or others have
bought into. This is not the reality of God and not how
it is seen by the Godly. Any darkness that I see I have
created with my mind.
Earlier I mentioned that I had two other experiences
which were similar to this one. In each of these I was lying
on my bed and also standing and observing myself sleep.
These out of body encounters happened a couple
of years before I started down my spiritual path in earnest,
so I had little understanding of what was happening at the
time. They occurred within a month to six weeks of each
other in July and August of 1989.
I had gone to bed and distinctly remember sleeping
very, very soundly. I was so totally relaxed that I could
not feel any part of my body. Suddenly, and to my great
surprise, I found myself standing beside my bed looking at
myself in the bed. The feeling was very frightening. I was
afraid that I could not get back into my body.

As I felt this fear I mentally said, I want to be back

in my body, and instantly I was there. I could still feel
this relaxed feeling, and I simply went back to sleep. I had
never heard of the out of body experience before this,
and so had no point of reference to guide me as to what
had just happened.
The next time I experienced this phenomenon, it
happened just the same as the first, only I was not nearly
as fearful. As I stood looking at myself, I reached over to
the wall and touched it. The wall felt solid, but as I pushed
on the wall my hand went right through!
Then it occurred to me that if I can stick my hand
through, why not my head? With this, I simply pushed
my head through the wall and I was then outside looking
around. I could see a car going down the street and feel the
coolness of the night air!
Again the fear of not being able to get back in my
body overcame me and I desired to be back in my bed.
As fast as I could think it, I was back. It was not until
my grandfather came to me that I found information that
taught me more about these experiences and took me out
of the fear of leaving the body during sleep.



Teachings of Christ
Jesus was with me continually after the experience of
standing in His love and light. I found that when I awoke
in the morning I could hear His voice and He would tell me
what He had planned to teach me that day, if I was willing
to take the time to listen to Him. How can one resist such
a teacher! It became easy to concentrate on Him and then
feel His presence and receive direction for the day.
One time we went through the Sermon on the
Mount together and He explained what it was that He was
trying to say. It was enjoyable and enlightening to receive a
perspective on the scriptures from Him.
I found that most of our conversations revolved around
everyday type of things that were affecting my life.
One time He told me about why it was so important
to develop spirituality now, while I was still in the flesh.
He said that there were three main drawbacks to trying to
progress in the Spirit World.
First, you no longer have a physical body to help you
overcome the flesh or physical things. His list of physical
addictions included alcohol, drugs, sex, and food, all of which
are not present in the same form in the Spirit or Spirit World.
He said that overcoming the flesh is essential to

spiritual growth. Only when we set these things aside, or

in their proper place, can the Spirit take over and guide us
to new levels of understanding. When you leave the physical existence, the opportunity to overcome in this area is
so vastly reduced that progress is greatly inhibited.
The second drawback is normally experienced only by
those who find themselves in the light areas of the Spirit
lands. This drawback is one of a lack of opposition. Those
who were just and honest on the earth find themselves in
beautiful places upon passing to the Spirit World where
darkness and opposition are bound or shut out by the
goodness of the people.
This lack of opposition means that it becomes harder
to taste the bitter that they may know to prize the sweet.
Without this contrast we are like we were before coming to
the earth; happy, yet lacking in experience.
Thirdly, and quite tied to the second, is the fact that
as a Spirit we know positively that we are eternal and
will live forever. This fact limits our ability to grow, and
develop faith.
Knowing that we will live forever means that we dont
have to develop faith in what comes next. In essence, we
become lethargic and lack drive or ambition, because we
are in our comfort zone.
These points were put across many times to emphasize
the importance of progressing now, while in the flesh.
When I asked about the law of tithing, I received this
answer: Do you want ten percent salvation?
No more was said because I understood immediately
what He meant. Jesus was looking for a full timer who
would give their all. If I wasnt willing to do this, then He

would be happy with the ten percent, or any other percent

I was willing to give, until I figured out that it wasnt a
complete offering.
No condemning was done in these exchanges of
information, but I was continually shown how the law of
the harvest worked. If I was only willing to make so much
effort on my part, I could not expect more than an equal
amount back. And He assured me many times that what I
received for my efforts would always be exact compensation. This He said was the eternal law upon which all blessings were predicated. I must have heard him say twenty
times that every decision I made would either take me
towards Light or away from it. The choice was totally up to
me. His role was only to show me the way to more Light.
When asking about the Sabbath day I received a
very similar answer. If I cant get you to focus on me (or
Light) 24 hours a day, seven days a week, then Ill set aside
one day of the week when you can focus on me. Again
He was looking for a full time commitment. With this
answer I responded. Then you dont care what I do on
the Sabbath? And He said, Mike if I ask you to partake
of the sacrament on a Wednesday, would you do it? I said
Sure I would.
Then if I asked you to go boating on Sunday would
you do that? This time I hesitated briefly but said yes.
He detected the hesitation in my response and said, When
you step out of the law and into the Spirit you cannot look
back. You must learn to trust me explicitly. The key is
learning to know My voice or the voice of the Spirit and
to trust it.
I only hope by sharing these conversations with you

that you can feel of the depth and the new twist He seemed
to put on everything we talked about. Sometimes this
didnt occur with Him telling me something as much as it
did by going through the motions of the experience.
For example, one night I went into the bathroom and
while I was responding to natures call, Jesus started to talk
to me. We conversed for several minutes, and then I left
the bathroom and proceeded to get ready for bed. All of
my life I had been taught to pray before I got in bed. As I
knelt down by the bed I began my usual routine of prayer.
Now I am probably not too much different than others
who have tried to talk to God on a regular basis. Some of
my praying has been very repetitious, but I have attempted
for the most part to be original and sincere.
On this occasion as I knelt down I began my normal
thanks for this, and thanks for that, when suddenly I realized I had just performed the greatest mockery or hypocrisy
of my life! Just minutes before I had been having this two
way conversation with the Lord and now I was acting as
though that had not happened! Or that the other conversation was make believe and now I was really going to talk to
God because I was in the right position: on my knees!
My feeling of embarrassment I find hard to put into
words. How could I, in the space of just a few minutes,
have turned my back on the conversation we had just had.
Oh how terrible I felt.
As soon as this Ive let them down feeling, came
upon me, I heard His voice again say, Dont be so
hard on yourself, we all learned it the same way. Then
there was a roar of laughter from the other side as they
all enjoyed the learning I was going through. I was glad

to make them happy enough to laugh and didnt take it

personally in the least.
Our conversation from there was all about learning
to hold a continual prayer in ones heart giving thanks
perpetually so that prayer becomes a part of what you are
at all times.
I asked about the prayers that He gave with His apostles, the prayer in the garden, and the Lords Prayer. Why
did He give direct prayers at times and did He still have a
prayer in His heart when He gave those vocal prayers?
His answer was somewhat surprising. He said that
most of the prayers he gave out loud were for the growth of
those who heard the prayer. He explained that most of the
people were not sufficiently established in their (gospel)
understanding to keep a prayer in their heart continually.
To bring them to that point so they could pray without
ceasing, He let them see and feel the relationship that He
had with His Father. This gave them a desire to seek that
relationship and concentrate on the spiritual more often,
thus they would begin to look to the Father in all things
and often they would not even recognize they had changed
their mental pattern.
It was easy to see that I had just experienced that same
mental leap, but I was very much aware of the moment that
it happened.
Some may ask, how do you pray now? To this I
would say, let me stop for a moment and examine my
life and see if there is a time when I feel that I have lost
my connection to my Father in Heaven. If there is the
slightest question of that communication breaking down,
I know that it is on my part and I will immediately go to

work to fix the problem.

Do I pray vocally? Yes, but mostly for the benefit of
those who still need it. My Father knows that which I need
and will provide it, often before I can even make a mental
exertion to let Him know how I feel.
Does prayer work or is there power in prayer? Only
if you put emotion with it, and then there is nothing that
can stop it.



C hrists Life
Of all that I have written in my history, what I am
about to share with you next will probably be the most
controversial and polarizing.
While in conversation with the Lord, I asked Him
why it was that so few seemed to really know Him and
understand Him. He said the question was easy Those
who believed in Him put Him on too high a pedestal.
Most of us have been taught that Jesus was and is perfect.
The truth here is that He obtained perfection. Nothing
was given to Him. He earned it by the things which He
suffered or experienced, both spiritually and physically.
I shall spell it out for you even more plainly.
Jesus made mistakes, but He overcame every one of them.
That is why He is the way to the Father. That is why He can
relate to every problem or experience that you go through. He
can say with confidence, Been there, done that.
His ability to see, correct, and perfect is only overshadowed by His ability to help you do the same. He learned
to see himself in His perfection and see everyone else the
same. When you can see yourself in that same perfection
you cannot be kept from it.
When He said that we will do greater things than He

did, He meant it. But how many people truly believe that?
How many truly believe that they can become one with the
Lord and the Father?
So long as you keep putting yourself down, and Jesus
out of reach, that is exactly where you will be. As He told
me these things, the warmth of His spirit led me to know
that He had gone through it just like I was going through
it. That is why we feel so close to Him. It is left up to us
to recognize it. It is also the reason why people feel His
closeness and a sense of familiarity with Him that is hard
for them to explain.
One more important point I will make here and again
later: Seek this Jesus, learn to know Him, follow His direction and send forth the love that He exhibits.
While working with the Lord, I came across the
scripture in John 5:39 which says, Search the scriptures;
for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they
which testify of me. I had read this scripture dozens of
times and had listened to many lessons in church services
which were focused around this very theme. Although I
had read this often, somehow the instructors and I had
failed to read the very next verse. It says: And ye will not
come to Me, that ye might have life. Jesus was giving the
very answer of how to have life come to Him!
You can search the scriptures all you want and think
that you will have eternal life, but until you know the Lord,
you are not there. What you are gaining in this life is the
ability to generate the same intensity of light and love that
He does.
To put it in new age talk, your vibrational rate
increases until it is at the level of the Lords. (1 John 3:2

3 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not

yet appear what we shall be: but we know that when He
shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as
He is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth
himself, even as He is pure.)
Development of a personal relationship with the
Lord will take you through more spiritual experiences
than any other thing you can do. There are those who
will discourage you from this venture, but I promise you
that they only do it because they do not have that personal
relationship themselves and feel threatened if you do. The
ones who want control and conformity to their way, will
always tell you it has to be done like this or like that, and
if you step out of that conformity, they believe you are not
doing Gods will.
Every man or women who is truly God-like, will
encourage you to acquire a personal relationship with
the Lord and put the Lords counsel above all others,
including themselves.
Jesus told me that the way of truth is extremely personal
in its nature. One must develop the ability to follow the
Spirit or that inward knowing beyond what anyone will
tell you from the outside. This is the true strength of those
who carry the Light with them.
He said that groups and organizations have their
place and are set up to help each person learn to focus
on God. If we do not internalize that focus and make it a
part of us to such a degree that it starts to manifest itself
naturally from us, then we will never outgrow the need
for the group.
Never did I hear Jesus say anything negative about

the church that I had grown up in, or about any other

church or organization for that matter. He simply said to
keep pushing to gain more Light, and I would see that
these organizations were all a part of a larger picture, and
that each one has its place in the grand scheme of things.
He also told me that there was not a single person
in or out of organized religion that He did not love, and
extend His Light to. With this He gave me a caution not to
be too critical of any organization, but not to let it take my
focus off of the most important part, which was the Light
being generated by the love these groups contain.
He said that because of pride and a desire for the
honors of men, every religion on earth will only be able
to take you so far. From there all spiritual growth will need
to be one on one. His emphasis was so strong in this area
that I thought about it for days trying to internalize every
concept so that I felt I understood it completely.
Jesus continually stressed the power of thinking and
the ability of the mind. Our minds are the perfect creation
of the Father and they give meaning to everything. We
are absolutely what we think. The mind never stops and
is continually creating even when we let it wonder and flit
about with no apparent rhyme or reason.
Continually Jesus explained the importance of
learning to control what I was thinking and how I was
viewing others; being cognizant always that my thoughts
were steering everything that was happening in my life,
whether I realized it or not.
Not long after this teaching session, a friend came to
me and told me about an experience he had where he saw
Peter the Apostle walking on water. My friend was shown

many of the lessons that Peter learned.

As I thought about this episode in the life of Peter, I
too was shown this experience and learned how powerful
Peters thinking process was. This was not a dream, nor
was it what I would call a vision. It seemed to be much
more simple than that. I was just concentrating on the
account as written in the new testament, when suddenly it
was as if I was there watching it. Whether this was actually
how it happened I can not say, but the characters seemed
as alive as watching a movie.
Peter was in a small boat with several of the followers
of Christ. It looked to me as if he had been lying down
when something on the water caught his eye. It was a white
shining object that was coming towards the boat. As Peter
looked upon it and tried to focus his sight, he became
aware that it was the Lord, Jesus motioning with his arm
for Peter to come out on the water with Him. Not thinking,
Peter stepped over the side of the boat and began to walk
toward the Lord. As he did he moved several feet from the
boat without any hesitation. Then he took his focus off of
the Lord and looked down at the water. Still he was doing
okay, until the realization that this was not normal came
upon him and he began to fear drowning in the sea. As
quick as this thought came upon him, he was in the water
thrashing his arms about, trying to stay on the surface. He
gagged and spit out water as his clothing seemed to keep
him from being able to get a clear breath.
To my surprise Jesus did not rush over and help him
up. He simply kept moving in Peters direction until He
was close enough to reach down with his right hand and
grasp the left hand of Peter. He then lifted him up on the

water and spoke to him softly some words that I could

not hear. Then the two of them walked hand in hand
back to the boat, where they stepped in and talked about
what had happened.
For Peter the boat had always been safety. He had
trusted in it to take him where he felt he needed to go.
Until he was willing to step out in faith on the water and
move toward the Lord, his life was the same as everyone
else he knew. When he made that leap of faith, he placed
himself in a position where he could not turn back. The
situation became one of, Turn it all over to the Lord and
trust in Him completely or drown.
When he wavered in his faith or let fear into his mind,
the safety he had wanted from the Lord was gone. Still
trusting in the Lord, he thrashed around in the water
mentally begging Jesus to help him. As he placed his
hand in the Lords hand, the confidence that he once had
returned, and he was again able to stand and walk on the
water. Never again did the boat mean safety to Peter. Only
the Lord was safety for him. By placing his trust in the
Lord he was again able to do the impossible.
And so it is with us. That boat can represent anything
that we trust in besides God. I learned that my wife could
not save me, that my church calling, or church authority,
or doing hundreds of holy ordinances, also would not save
me. My marriage in the temple and my church leaders also
could not save me. My bank account, my job, and even my
knowledge, was of no value compared to walking with my
hand in His.
Each one of these could be that boatif it was what
I trusted in and placed between me and God. They were

useful in helping me to focus on God, but they were not

the Lord and only developed for me a shallow faith that
did not produce the confidence that it takes to learn Gods
reality. Only when we are willing to do as Peter and place
our ALL on the alter, are we able to develop the faith
necessary to truly know the Christ.
This was that commitment level that I had talked
about earlier, which I had no idea was going to be so vast
and far reaching.
A quote from the founder of the Mormon Church
sums it up better than I can. He said: For a man to lay
down his all, his character and reputation, his honor and
applause, his good name among men, his houses, his lands,
his brothers and sisters, his wife and children, and even his
own life also, counting all things but filth and dross for the
excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ.... (Lectures
on Faith #6)
All of these things I was learning were to teach me
how to commit myself deeper, by letting go of the items
that I thought were of value. At the time it seemed so hard
to do. It was like taking all that I had learned to love and
appreciate, and then setting it aside for something that was
not nearly as tangible. Or was it? Could it actually be that
the things unseen are more tangible than those I was experiencing in this world of flesh? The way that I viewed things
was changing. The changes were sometimes subtle but
they were there and I, like Peter, was learning to change my
thought process. Things of God were becoming the tangible
parts, or the real parts of what life was. Commitment was
becoming the key to enlightenment and change.
Several times in church services I had heard the story

about the man who wants to be able to play the piano

like the great composers, so he pays one of the master
composers to teach him the secrets of being a great pianist.
The master takes the man to a tub of water and has him
touch his nose to the water. This seems like a strange
request but the student complies and kneels down next
to the tub with his nose touching the water. As he does,
the master pushes his head under water and holds it there
until the student is about to pass out. When the master
finally pulls the students head from the water he tells him,
When you want to play the piano as bad as you wanted
air, you will not need me as your teacher, for you will sacrifice whatever it takes to reach your goal.
This is what it takes to know God. It is what I fought
with before finding Him.
Another way to look at it is to picture in your mind
an old fashioned hourglass. You are inside at the bottom
swimming in the sand with everyone else and then you
lose interest in being part of the crowd. A feeling that
there is more to life draws you to the edge, and you begin
climbing up to that narrow little neck with the light in it,
you think is the top. This is a hard area to hold on to, for
everything that you think is solid seems to slip from your
grasp. As you get closer you notice that the sides are moving
in on you and the distance from the bottom is greater. The
climb gets harder the further you go as the walls change to
ceiling and you hold to it with all you have. Still that little
speck of light coming through the hole draws you upward
and keeps you going.
Like the camel going through the eye of a needle you
must let go of every piece of baggage you cling to, for the

hole is custom made to hold you and nothing else. That fit
is so tight that by the time you get through, you know that
you are standing completely naked before your maker.
No earthly experience has prepared you for what it
feels like to have every thought and action you have ever
had in your life exposed and in plain view.
Thank goodness there is no feeling of judgment being
placed on you from that divine source! You are doing that
yourself without any need for more. This is what it means to
know God. To turn your life over completely to Himand
realize that He now gives back to you all that you thought
you were sacrificing, for it means nothing to you any more.
There really is no sacrifice, for this implies loss, and there
is no loss with God.
You can now stand with Peter and emanate the Light
that he does; for your offering has been equal to his. Every
soul that stands with God had to do it in the same manner.
The only shortcut there is will be found in your own mind.
When you decide to let go and let God, it will all happen.
All those who are in the upper part of the hourglass
know the mind change that each has made, for they have
made it in the same way.
The circumstances will vary for all of us, but the
complete letting go will not.
I remember so fervently praying, Lord, take away
from me everything that is keeping me from seeing you.
My request had helped strip me of every item that was
standing between me and God. And I thank God that He
gently broke my fingers on a few of those that I was not
willing to release on my own.



Earthquake Prediction
During November and December of that same year
another interesting thing happened. People I did not know
began showing up at my office to talk. I was doing radio
talk show interviews about the book Life in the World
Unseen and I suppose that many of them came in initially
to talk about life after death. For some the topic would
change to dreams and visions that they were receiving.
These dreams were often about the destructions that would
come in the last days. Most of these people lived along the
Wasatch Front in Utah, so naturally what they saw was in
that general area. After three or four people came in with
the same story I became curious as to why these people
were coming and sharing these things with me.
When I inquired about it to the Lord, He said, Many
people have been seeking to know what shall befall this
area, and they are receiving answers to their prayers. We
are bringing them to you so that you will have a second
witness to what you saw in your dream.
After that I started to keep track of how many people
I talked to during those months that had specifically seen
the destruction in this area. Although each saw it from
their own point of view, I found it fascinating to compare

the similarities between their dreams and visions.

For the most part what they saw was massive earth
shaking from Montana and Canada down to Arizona and
Mexico. Everyone in this area was affected by several large
earthquakes. Many people were killed in these quakes, but
even more seemed to drown in a large inundation of water
that came into the Utah area. Over half the people I talked
to saw this huge flood of water which seemed to rise up to
about the 5000-foot level. Several of these people also saw
volcanic eruptions and nuclear explosions.
Most said that they felt no fear for they had mentally
prepared themselves and developed the ability to rely on
the spirit or their inner voice for guidance. This had given
them a comfort of knowing that these changes, although
very dramatic and life changing, would create an environment where much good would result.
The one very solid thread that ran through each of
these peoples experiences was that they had learned to
quit following each other and follow their own knowing.
They all seemed to have a confidence in this area that was
surprising to me.
At one time I talked to a food storage salesman who
said he had spoken to over 200 people that had claimed
similar dreams. All of these dreams from so many different
people reminded me of the scripture in Acts 2:17 And it
shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour
out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your
daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see
visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.
By the end of the year I had asked the Lord to stop
sending these people to me because I didnt want to become

consumed with this information. It was enough to know it

was coming and let it be. No time tables were ever given,
but I have always felt that I would see it in my lifetime.
The relationship I had with Jesus continued through
these informative experiences with these people that had
been having dreams, but for some reason I never felt
compelled to go into details about it with Him. It was
as though the future was a side topic to what was really
important and we just didnt delve into it very much. I was
satisfied to know it was coming and that others knew as
well. Jesus real emphases was on what was happening to
me now not what was in the future or what had happened
to me in the past. This space of the NOW was brought up
many times and I learned that it is the key to being able to
exercise faith to create change in ones life.
What took me some time to learn was how to know
when to exercise my own faith for creating. Many people
learn that they are the masters of their destiny and they
develop the power of faith to make things happen, but
never seem to understand that this power can only be
used productively when it is for the benefit of others.
When they become too caught up in their own glory or
pride, the power is gone, for they use it for their own
benefit or gain.
Jesus said that this is the very reason that although
so many religions contain great amounts of truth, they
never create an environment which will take a person to
the height of God-hood or back to that place which lets
us perceive no separation from our creator. They have a
form of Godliness but deny the power thereof. Without
realizing it they deny those within the group the ability

to reach God on their own, because they want to protect

their own personal position not knowing that they are
hindering their own growth by trying to control others.
Have you ever noticed that now is the root of know?
This principle is so simple, yet so misunderstood.
If people can learn to stay in the NOW space, they
will have no desire to control others, for their purpose will
be to benefit others and not worry or have concern for
how it affects themselves.
I found that in a somewhat unknown way, miracles
happen when we exercise faith with no regard to how it
will affect ourselves. Surprisingly, miracles occur when we
know this is what is supposed to take place.
I am not putting down organized religion. It can do
a wonderful job meeting peoples social and emotional
needs, and has a constructive place in society, but it also
runs the risk of trying to control those it is trying to help.
Control does not give off the same Light that free
will does. The more control you try to hold over others,
the less Light you will emanate. It is a universal law that
does not change. Light attracts Light and the foundation
of that Light is based on the free agency or free will of all
those drawn to it. It is the most basic of all of the sew and
reap principles.
It is also the easiest to overlook. I often felt frustration when I first tried to let go of what I thought others
should do. I had been taught for so long to hang on to
the laws of do and dont, that to let them go was difficult.
The laws are such that when you embrace them you think
that others need to see them in that same way. Thus we
tend to judge others by those laws, which we think is the

way God sees things.

I still catch myself looking through the eyes of the
law at times. It is a hard habit to break, and takes a great
deal of mental discipline to overcome. Still as I have
worked at it over the years, I have found that my nature
to judge has diminished and my ability to love and understand has increased and begun to come from my heart
much more naturally.
A great man once said, I teach correct principles and
men govern themselves. I cannot adequately tell you how
true and how much Light that one statement gives off.
To govern ourselves is key and to let others govern
themselves is crucial. Some years after this time with Jesus,
my Father in Heaven the Creator of my Spirit, taught me
a very valuable lesson with regards to this principle, and I
shall later delve into that subject but for now understand
that what I was learning was to let go of the law and hold
to the spirit. Its peace and calmness was blended with the
love of Jesus in such a way that I will always look back at
these days with the fondest of memories.
Because of this time with the Lord, I learned for
myself that Jesus was speaking the truth when He said, I
am the way to the Father.
Over this five month period from mid October to
mid March, my personality changed more than at any time
of my life. The effects of the Lords Spirit and influence
on me began to be felt in my everyday living. My children often commented that I had become more gentle and
patient with them.
I tried hard to draw from the Lord His feeling of love
for all creation. Jesus helped me with my problems that I

had in my own family and with my relationship with my

Because of the personal nature of this help and
because it involves some very dear loved ones, I will not
go into the details of what took place, but I will tell you
that Jesus knows every technicality of our lives, and He is
able to help all of us see from a larger perspective what is
really important in life.



Receiving Records
During this somewhat serene time, people began to
come to me with records. These were not ancient plates
or writings that needed to be translated; they were simply
writings that had been given to men and women from
many different sources and many walks of life.
The way that I received each record was different, but
the stories behind them were similar and went something
like this. Someone would come to me and say, I have
been directed to give you this record. If I asked them
why, they would usually say, I dont know, I was just told,
(or directed or felt) to give it to you.
Being raised in the LDS environment, new scripture
or new revelation has always been an accepted part of God
speaking to man. The Mormon Churchs main cornerstone
of religious understanding comes from an ancient record
that was translated by the founder of the church, Joseph
Smith. This record called The Book of Mormon left
two thirds untranslated because Joseph was told that the
people were not ready to receive it; but that in time the full
record would come forth.
This mystery of when the rest of the book would come

out was not revealed and so has created a lot of speculation

as to how and when it would occur. Anyone who claims
to have anything remotely similar to, or sounding like it
could be a part of that record, is immediately put under the
scrutiny of church leaders.
For my part I have never claimed to be a prophet,
seer or revelator, but have just sought to know my Creator
and the purpose of life. In the process of doing this, God
blessed me to be an instrument to put together a compilation of records that were both modern and ancient.
Some will say Why you? And to that I say, Because
I have been willing to do that which I was directed, even if
it rubs against the grain sometimes.
I have never claimed this compilation to be anything
more than one more stepping stone to help an individual
understand God more completely. I have been asked
numerous times where the records came from. Suffice it
to say they were all written by people who truly wanted to
share their understanding of God with mankind.
I will make this suggestion: if you really want to know
if these writings are of God or not, then go to the Source
and ask for yourself. Remember that you must ask in all
sincerity, believing first, and exercising faith that God will
answer you Knowing that He does this because of His
great love for youRemembering that He gives to all men
liberally and upbraideth not (will deny none).
While a missionary for the Mormon Church, I gave
the Book of Mormon to many people who read it, or part
of it, and then said, It just doesnt ring true to me, I think
Ill pass on it. Back then I would judge the reader as
someone that had rejected the message of truth and would

not progress spiritually. That position seems extremely

judgmental to me now.
Many of the people we shared with just simply were
not interested in things spiritual. To some, the fear of
what this would mean to them in there lives, or how it
would change their lives, was greater than their desire to
move forward.
Having seen more and more truth myself, which only
a short time before I would have laughed at, I now see
these people in a different light. They were just not ready
to step into anything beyond the Light that was before
them. In time I know that they will look at life differently as they continue to develop their own understanding.
Many will grow in their spirituality and never need any
of the tools that I was given for my growth. Thats just
great. My hope is that some part of where I have been will
help someone to move forward if even in the smallest way.
Truth is one of those things that can only be experienced
when one is willing to live by or accept the truth for what
it is. What each of us does with that truth is between us
and our maker and should not be swayed by what others
may think.
One of the records that was given to me came from a
man that had a dream that I would be in his office the next
day. When I showed up he had it on a 3.5 floppy disk
waiting for me. We had no set appointment to meet and
why this happened in this manner I cannot say, but time
and time again miraculous events like this surrounded
these writings.
By the middle of March of 1994 I had received 13 such
records. Most of them were already in a chapter and verse

form, typed out and loosely put together. Jesus gave me

instruction about each of the records and why they were
important in my life. I did not share any of these records
with others, unless directed by the Lord at that time.
During the last week of March, Jesus came to me
again and said that it was His desire that I compile ten
of the records I had received and put them into book
form. This, He said, I had agreed to do before coming
to the earth.
Never had I been asked to do anything that seemed so
difficult. You must remember that at this point I had only
been hearing this voice and feeling this loving feeling that
claimed to be Jesus. I had not seen him as I had seen my
Grandfather and Robert Benson. I knew inside that this
one step of publishing was going to create more controversy with me and the church than anything I had ever
done in my life.
As I pondered over what I had been asked to do, I
decided to fast for three days to see if I could get more
clarity on the matter, or maybe even some additional
information that would help me know better how I was to
handle this request.
On the first day of my fast, Jesus came again and told
me to continue to fast, that He had something he wanted
to tell me on Friday and that I was to go out into the desert
to receive these instructions.
My heart raced for the next two days as I wondered
what it could be that He wanted to tell me or show me.
Friday afternoon I packed a sleeping bag in my Jeep and
headed west. Trying to go as I felt prompted by the Spirit
I kept driving until I came to a nice little canyon with lots

of green grass. Most of the time the desert in Utah is very

dry, but in April or the end of March it can be very green
and beautiful. This happened to be a wet spring and the
hills were gorgeous.
I parked the vehicle and walked about a quarter of a
mile up a small slope until I found a spot where I could
lie down in the grass and gaze up at the sky. I must have
lain there for the better part of an hour when I started to
feel that rush or exhilaration that the love of Jesus gives,
flowing over me.
I spoke first, asking Him what it was that He wanted
of me. His response was somewhat of a let down, but a
great lesson for me. He spoke directly to the point and said,
I just wanted you to know that you can hear me as well at
home as you can here. Then I heard what seemed to be
a small group chuckling and I broke into laughter myself.
I got up and drove home realizing that I had some pretty
funny ideas about how I thought God had to operate.




Publishing Sacred Scripture

Over the next three weeks as I wondered about
publishing the records, some changes took place that
wouldnt change the consequences of my decision, but it
did alter my spiritual outlook on things.
One time while talking with Jesus, He introduced
me to my Father in Heaven. He told me that this person
was the Creator of my Spirit and that He had been with
me all of my life guiding me in the important decisions
that I made.
I instantly felt a closeness to this person and recognized His voice as the one that had given me direction
many times. Jesus told me that with this transition to my
Father, His (Jesus) direct work with me would come to
an end, although we were all on the same team and that
I would recognize Him and others He worked with from
time to time. Although I should have been ecstatic with
meeting my Father, these times without Jesus were tough
for me.
For several months I missed His daily communion and
the ecstasy of love Jesus carries. Like a child complaining
of the loss of a loved one, I can distinctly remember asking

my Father to help me understand the loss of Jesus love

in my life. He explained that it was now time for me to
learn to give off that love and light as Jesus did without
the Lords help. In other words He was taking the training
wheels off and teaching me to ride on my own.
The adjustment was hard but I learned to see the
wisdom in what I was being taught and how my Father
brought me along. His voice is easier to tune into than
any of the others, and that made the connection with Him
very rapid. I find that my mind still goes into the analyzation mode when He throws something at me that I am not
expecting. Over time, perhaps that too will change.
As was our usual custom in the spring of each year,
my wife and I planned a camping trip to southern Utah
with our children and my earthly father.
I had put off for three weeks what to do about the
book. Communication with my Father in Heaven was
great, but I avoided talking about publishing the records.
I realized I still had FEAR, and a giant battle was being
fought in my mind.
On the one hand I could feel the light, love and joy
that these records had brought into my life, but on the
other hand I knew that not everyone would feel the same
way. The traditions of the past are our greatest stumbling
blocks to opening up to new information. If an idea or
new information takes us out of our comfort zone we have
a tendency to brush it aside or ignore it. Such was the
case here. I know that I didnt want people to see me as
weird (probably too late for that), and it was easier to
avoid this for the time beingso I did.
Before going on our annual trip I decided to test the

water a bit, and I showed some of this information to a

couple of people. Their reactions were worse than I had
anticipated. One told me they did not want to see any of
that sort of thing if it was not first approved by a church
leader, and the other told me I had stepped into an area
where he would never dream of going.
One thing I did notice from both of these people
they were coming from a position of fear and did not
recognize that they were afraid of what others thought.
(And of course, so was I.) I also realized that they would
not rely on their own ability to discern right from wrong
or truth from error. I remember coming away feeling sad
that people were so much like sheep, willing to let others
tell them where to go and how to judge.
For the first time in my life I began to see that my
upbringing was not the open, choose-for-yourself understanding that I thought it was. In actuality you were okay
as long as you lived the party line.
It was also the first time that I really saw people not
being loving. I had learned that the society I had grown
up in gave its love on condition that I thought as others
wanted me to think. Unconditional love was a concept that
was preached, but sadly, not lived. I saw early on that if I
was not going to get caught in the same trap, I was going
to have to learn to love unconditionally, even those whom
I knew were being two faced to me.
All of this testing of what people thought of these
writings did not make my decision any easier to publish
the records. In fact it went the other way. Now I was sure
that these writings were going to upset most peoples lives
who were willing to read and pray about them. And even

though the writings were not earth shattering, most people

were simply not ready for the further light and knowledge they contained.
Before going on the trip I went back and reread each
of the records. I still felt the spirit of truth in each one,
although some more than others. This puzzled me a bit,
so I asked my Father why each one contained a different
strength of light and truth.
He said that each of the records had some alterations
done to it by man and that the writers were each on different
levels of understanding. This made me feel that I was putting
out information that was not correct and I asked if I should
try to go through and fix those alterations.
To my surprise my Father said, You have learned to
recognize the truth from the error by the Spirit, why dont
you let others do the same? As you have learned, the gospel
is set up, or contains many levels of understanding or degrees
of Light. The people that read this record will understand it
on the level that they are at the time they read it. If they are
not ready for it, then it will have little meaning to them, or
they may have no desire to read it at all.
This seemed to satisfy me, that I was compiling the
records as I should. Of the 13 books, I was only told to
put ten of them in this publication. The others were not
of such a nature, or they did not carry the same Light, that
they were to go in this printing. Six months later another
book was added to the original compilation making the
total eleven books.
As we prepared to leave on our family trip my Father
came and prodded me again to publish these records. I
asked if it were possible that He could show me in a

stronger way that this was really what I was supposed to

do. I didnt want to sound like I was doubting God here,
but I really wanted a more sure witness or sign. In His
usual kind and gentle manner He said, Do you remember
the times in your life when I have given you an answer
through the scriptures? I said yes. Then He said, Go and
open the scriptures again, and I will show you an answer
with regards to these records.
For the next few days I would not pick up the scriptures. The camping trip was a convenient distraction. I
knew without question that I would get an answer, but
my fear of what that answer would bring kept me from
even cracking the holy books open. I knew in my heart
that from the time I got this confirmation my life would
change. It would alter everything about life as I had known
it, yet the longer I put it off the more distant I felt from my
Father in Heaven.
Finally, as we were camping and getting breakfast
ready one morning, I took my scriptures and headed off to
go sit on a log and face the inevitable.
In the Mormon faith we consider other records like
the Bible to be the word of God, just as the Bible is considered scripture by most of Christianity. Because of this
understanding I had both the Bible and Book of Mormon
with me. They were bound into two separate books to
make it easier to hold each while reading.
As I sat there looking at the two volumes my mind
vacillated between which one I should pick up and open.
I finally decided on the Book of Mormon, feeling it would
be easier to give my own interpretation of any scripture I
came across. In writing this now I can feel the hesitation

again and see how I was really trying to dodge what I knew
was going to happen.
Picking it up, I closed my eyes and began to slowly
thumb through its pages. Trying to feel guided, I found
myself trapped between wanting to do it my Fathers way and
wanting an answer that wouldnt be too hard to live with.
As I think about it now I have to chuckle at my apprehension and my desire to control the outcome. Letting
my mind glide into that now state of communication
with my Father, I let my fingers drift to the right hand
page about one third of the way through the book. Then
I moved my hand to the left hand column on that page
and came down about one inch from the top. Holding that
spot, I opened my eyes and began to read: And again how
beautiful upon the mountain are the feet of those who
shall hereafter publish peace, yea from this time henceforth and forever! It was a quote from Isaiah and one of
only three places where publishing is talked about in all
the scriptures.
Leaving my finger in that spot I closed the book and
my eyes. As I did so, a lovely peaceful relaxed feeling began
to sweep over me, enveloping my whole being. Basking in
this love of the Spirit, tears began to fall from my face,
and I was given strength from God that I had not had
before. It was as though hands were placed on my head
and a power was exchanged from my creator. The same
assurance I had received while standing in the blue light
five months earlier passed over me again, although not
nearly as intense as it was then.
In some miraculous way only known to God and
those who have experienced it, I was given the strength

to carry out a mission to mankind here on the earth. This

moment was another strong turning point in my life. I could
feel myself being given the power to withstand those who
would mock me for the experiences I was going through.
With my spiritual eyes I could see what looked like a shield
or force field of light all around me. Its strength was
increased by my mind or my belief in it. I have seen this
used to help me many times since, but eventually found
that when I was completely out of fear I didnt need it.
When I walked back into camp my earthly father
immediately noticed the change and smiled his reassuring
grin that always let me know he was okay with where I
stood with God. I now knew what I was to do and the task
of publishing these amazing records became much easier.
Some time in May I found a typesetter to take all of
the manuscripts and help me put them into a legible book
form. Most of the writings were already in chapter and
verse, so much of the work was to put the texts into a
consistent format.
Debbie, my typesetter, was fast and enjoyed all that
she was reading as she reformatted each text. We could not
say the same for her husband.
As she was setting the Writings of Abraham, her
husband saw some of the transcripts and became very
concerned that his wife was delving into an area that
should be better left alone. He contacted their Mormon
Stake President about how to handle the situation, and
Debbie was then called in to see what it was that she was
dealing with.
She explained to the Stake President that she was just
doing a typesetting job and knew nothing of the origin

of the work. Her Stake President then asked for my name

and she refused to give it to him, explaining that this
was simply a business transaction and he neednt concern
himself further. It became apparent that the President was
not going to accept this brush-off when he told her that he
wanted to see her again in a week, so that she could think
about whether it was right to give him my name or not.
A few days later when I met with Debbie, she seemed
very uneasy and finally told me what had happened. She
said I feel like I am in a no win situation what do you
think I should do?
I said, Tell him the truth. I have nothing to hide. I
would be happy to talk to him if he would like. She felt
that it would not be necessary for me to talk to him, and
that I had taken a great burden off her shoulders.
After our meeting, Debbie gave the Stake President
my name, and to my knowledge she heard nothing more
about the matter. The following week I got a call from my
Stake President inviting me over for a visit with him. We
talked for about ten minutes, but he never brought up the
subject of the Writings of Abraham.
I could see that he was very uncomfortable about how
to approach the subject, so I simply asked him: Has a Stake
President in Salt Lake approached you with my name? To
this he gave a great sigh of relief and said, Yes.
From here the conversation took a different tone
and I began to see a side of this man I had never seen.
He became very upset, and the mood in the room lost all
semblance of love and kindness. He began to probe and
quiz me about what I was going to do with these writings. I explained that I had, over the course of several

months, been given many writings and that I was going to

put them into a compilation. He then asked me why, and I
said simply, that God had instructed me to publish them.
To this his anger became even greater, and I could see that
nothing I was saying was going to restore an attitude of
love and tenderness.
I found myself pleading with my Father in Heaven to
give me the words to say, but all I could hear from Him
was, Be as I Am.
At this point a strange thing happened; I was able to
step back from the situation almost as a third party and
see the energy that each of us was giving off during this
exchange of words. The Mike that was sitting in that room
had to fight desperately to keep his tone of voice down and
his spirit calm so that the channel of communication with
his Father would continue. Back and forth I found myself
standing apart from the conflict and then slowly slipping
back and seeing or experiencing this from my position
across from the Stake President.
This gift of standing as a third party helped me look at
myself much more objectively, but the result of that objectivity was even more of a blessing to me. I began to realize
that if I stayed focused on the Spirit I could step back from
any situation and see it from a higher plan, or at the least,
a different viewpoint.
To my great surprise I have found since then that there
are many times when I could handle conflict in a much
more positive way if I simple concentrated and stepped
into this third-party state.
The Stake President and I finally agreed that we
both needed some time to think about things, but he was

insistent that I meet with him again in a week or so. I

agreed and we parted company.
Our next meeting started out much like the first had
before the publishing part was brought up, and I thought that
maybe we were finally coming to some common ground. I
tried to explain that I was just a publisher and that this was
just another book like millions of others out there that give
a different slant on how God deals with His children.
I told him of many of the experiences that I had
been having, starting with Robert Benson, and then on
to my grandfather and the Lord. His tone was much more
subdued as I shared these things that were very personal
to me. He asked many questions and I answered each one
honestly and as much to the point as was possible. This
meeting went much better than the previous one. He was
glad that I had shared these things that were so close to
my heart and stated that he could feel that they were very
special to me. At the end, he said that he wanted to meet
again and I agreed.
Between these two meetings I had a most incredible
dream. It took place in the early morning hours and was
extremely vivid. I found myself standing in front of a table
that was about the size of an ordinary card table. Someone
was standing at my side but I could not see them; I could only
feel their presence. The energy they were putting off was positive, so I felt no need to question them as to their intentions.
As I looked at the table I could see that there was
a pile of wheat stacked on the table about seven or eight
inches tall. It looked like a little brown pyramid. Just to the
right of the wheat was an open book. It was lying on its back
and the pages were turning fast, as if someone was blowing

them and making them turn. I couldnt feel any wind on my

face so I reached my hand out and moved it in front of the
book to feel where the wind was coming from. Still I felt no
wind. Then I heard a voice say, I am turning the pages. It
was the voice of the person that had been standing next to
me, whom I now knew was my Father in Heaven.
As I watched the pages turning, I could see that they
were creating wind by their movement. This wind was
blowing against the wheat, and the chaff was being blown
away. The book was the Sacred Scripture, the compilation of manuscripts I had been given and the name I was
told to call the book. I could see by this dream that its
effect was to help separate the wheat from the tares.
The next meeting with the Stake President was on
a Sunday afternoon. I remember it because the following
day was Memorial Day and the day that Ezra Taft Benson,
President of the LDS Church, died. In this meeting my
Stake President started out by stating that all of my experiences were from Satan. I could not believe my ears! The
person who had been so positive about what I had told
him last time we met, had now reversed himself! His tone
was clear that I was to follow what he said, for he was my
priesthood leader. The feeling of conform or else was so
strong, that it was all I could do not to jump up and run.
Never in all of my church experiences and with all of
the positions that I had held, had I felt such a desire from
a church leader to control someone else. The feeling was
so suffocating it is hard to describe. He was so determined
to force me to comply, that there was no feeling of love
and I knew that this was why my spirit was so uncomfortable. I soon resolved myself to the fact that we were going

nowhere with the conversation and I would be better off

to just keep quiet. He was going to have it his way no
matter what I said. I backed away from our conversation
completely at this time and decided it would be better to
just let the chips fall where they may. His last words to
me were that I would be receiving a letter with regards to
church action.



Disciplinary Action
About a week later, two of the men that I had worked
very closely with in the church, came to my door with a
summons for me to attend the church Disciplinary Counsel.
I could see that they were not excited about giving me this
letter, and that they were feeling very awkward to be the
ones to come and deliver it.
I tried to relieve the tension by saying that this would
be fun, but they wouldnt have it. I could see that their
hearts were pained by what they had been asked to do,
and the word fun was definitely the wrong word to use
under these circumstances. It was much too flippant for
what they deemed as such a sacred and important matter.
I took the letter and told them that I would be sure and
be there.
I must admit to this point I really felt that I had a very
good chance of going through this meeting and coming
out with my church membership still intact. After all, I
was just a publisher, like hundreds of other publishers,
who have published any number of items that havent gone
exactly down the party line. I still expressed my love for
the church and its leaders and my support of them.

However in my heart I knew if it came down to doing

what they wanted or doing what I was directed to do by
God, well, there would be no question; I would follow the
direction from God, and the world or the church would
have to answer for their own actions.
Through all of my experiences I had learned that even
though many people want to do what is right, they often bend
to the pressure of others, or the system, or they want to do
things that will make them look good in the eyes of others.
By now I had been stripped of most of those reasons.
I had learned that my personal relationship with God
was far more important to me than anything the world had
to offer. By now I was feeling that constant presence of
love so deeply and so strongly that it had become the overriding factor in my life. I would do nothing to jeopardize
that feeling and my closeness to God.
At the time I never could conceive that the church I
loved so dearly could or would step between me and that
feeling. I suppose that if I had been confronted like this a
few years earlier, that I would have very willingly complied
with whatever my church leaders had asked. However, too
much spiritual water had gone under the bridge now, and
I knew it and I knew that God knew it.
Never in my life can I remember feeling such a
pull, spiritually, in two directions. I truly loved my Stake
President and the church that had given me so much of a
way of life; but still I could not deny all that had happened
to me. I even remember thinking to myself that if this
love which I felt from the other side of the veil, and more
directly from Jesus himself, was really from Satan, then I
would take his program, for this feeling had given me a

peace and joy which has led me to do good continually.

My church Disciplinary Council was set for July the
19th. About ten days before, my Father came to me and
said, I have someone here who wishes to speak to you.
Immediately I felt the presence of Jesus, and my heart filled
with that joy and love that only He can bring. It had been
more than three months since I had talked to Him and
my spirit longed for the closeness that we had experienced
for those five short months. I knew that if I lived to be
100 there would be nothing that I looked forward to more
than being with Him continually. How one Spirit could
generate such a feeling of love and tenderness was still a
vast mystery to me.
Jesus spoke to me and said, When you stand before
the council, these are the words that I want you to speak;
tell them Thus sayeth the Lord; I shall destroy the City of
Salt Lake and most of the inhabitants thereof. And if you
will believe, it shall be a sign unto salvation, and if you will
not believe it shall also be a sign, but it will be a sign unto
your condemnation.
I was shocked! My voice was desperate: You want me
to say that?
He said, As is always the case, it is up to you. This is
our desire, but you can choose what you want to do. We
will love you the same either way.
The problem with this last statement was that I knew
that I would have trouble loving myself if I ignored their
wishes and did nothing at all.
I wrestled for the next few days with why Jesus would
ask me to say such a thing. As I thought about the statement, I noticed something in what He had said that made

me question the statement altogether. Knowing that Jesus

and the Father are the authors of creation, and not destruction, and feeling that to destroy the city of Salt Lake would
definitely be negative, I asked my Father why Jesus would
say such a thing.
My Father answered my inquiry with a long conversation that I shall try to paraphrase here.
Mike, you are correct in your understanding that we
are not the authors of destruction. It is our work and joy
to bring about the evolution and eternal advancement of
mankind. Whenever this is done, it is accomplished by
working with people on the level they understand. We
work with you giving you only as much Light as you are
able to handle and assimilate in the moment.
The church you are a part of, in general terms, operates
and functions at a level much higher and with more Light
and truth than does the population at large. We support
it and help it to spread and bring the Light of Truth, or
the gospel, to an ever increasing number of souls. We are
supported in our efforts from this side by a countless host
of individuals who are also seeking to advance spiritually
and grow in the Light they emanate.
Most of those in the church function in a narrow
width or light band, although all of the tools are there
to help them expand that understanding of Light to an
unlimited spectrum.
They put up self imposed barriers that hold them
from progressing. In time all of the self created obstacles
are swept away by the actual truth. Just as when a person
dies, they are able to see many of the truths that they were
oblivious to while in the flesh.

The destruction that will fall upon the inter mountain

area is a result of the Law of the Harvest. These people
will soon reap that which they sow. All of the planting and
harvesting of the entire planet is tied together and affects
more and more people all the time. What takes place here
will affect many others. Jesus told you I will destroy the
City of Salt Lake, because that is in terms they would
understand. In the sense of the overall picture, what He
said was absolutely true, because He and all of us who are
of the Light side are continuing to help mankind evolve to
a greater understanding, or awakening, and they can only
do so by experiencing.
What takes place will look on the surface, or to man,
like a major calamity, but in time, all will see that it was
exactly what needed to happen for the advancement of the
whole of society as well as the individual.
Fear not for yourself during these times for as you have
learned to go by the Spirit, even so it will guide you and I
will direct you to be exactly where you need to be, when
you need to be there. Love these people who are trying to
advance themselves. Do good to them who persecute you
in the name of God. We still love them and help them all
when we can, or when they will let us. And know that we
see the truth of each person, for their deeds and the intents
of their hearts are completely open to us, but we do not
condemn them because of where they are.
Your example of love will do more to help your friends
in the church grow in the Light than any words you could
tell them. Bless them and share your understanding with
them as you are directed by the spirit.
There are many tasks that you have yet to perform; go

forth and perform them with a cheerful heart. Remember

that I AM always with you. As you continue to step
out in faith and develop the Light within, there will be
NOTHING that you cannot do.
The next ten days seemed to be the longest of my
life. Even knowing that the only reason these days seemed
long was because of the great value I had put on my church
membership did not lessen the time. In my mind I kept
trying to keep it all in perspective. I kept asking myself
what was the most important thing to do in the position
that I found myself in. What was for the greatest good of
the whole, and what was for the greatest good of Mike
Rigby and his family? What would the Lord do if placed
in this same position? I drew upon my Fathers voice more
than ever in my life.
Never at any point during this time did I find that He
did not respond instantly to my prayer with comfort and
understanding. I shall be ever thankful for the personal
interest that I felt from Him at this great time of need in
my life.
Such were my thoughts of reflection as my wife and
I sat in the waiting area counting each minute as it slowly
passed by. Every so often she would give my hand a little
squeeze and I would feel that great capacity to love that she
has always been blessed with.
I have often looked back at this point and known that
without her support I would not have breached the veil
and learned so much from my Father in Heaven. There
will never be adequate words or time to tell her how much
I appreciate that which she unselfishly did for me.
At last we were invited into the High Council room

and took our seats to the right of the Stake President and
his councilors.
After a brief introduction from the Stake President
as to why he had called this meeting, he turned to me and
asked if I would explain to the men seated in the room, the
book that I was publishing.
I told them that in order to understand the origins of
the book, they would need a little explanation about my
life and what had brought me to the point of publishing
this book.
I then proceeded to tell them much of what you have
already read thus far. I talked for about fifteen minutes,
when the Stake President jumped into the conversation
and said, We dont need to hear about these experiences;
just tell them about the book.
It was hard for me to understand why he would not
want me to give all of the details of my experiences, when it
seemed like these experiences were pivotal to the decision
about something as important as my church membership.
At that point I simply explained that I was publishing
the book to help people get a greater understanding of
God, and told them in general terms how I received the
different parts of the book.
The president opened the meeting to questions and
I fielded several questions from the council. I do not
remember most of the questions; but one question unrelated to the book struck me between the eyes.
A man sitting just to the right of me turned and asked,
Do you claim to have seen the Savior?
I said, No, I have not seen the Savior, but I know His
voice and the voice of the Father.

I tried to explain to him that I did not hold myself up

as any better than anyone else for having learned to tune
into these voices, but that I was fully aware that I had
now experienced many things that I once only dreamed
were possible.
When I finished answering their questions, the Stake
President asked me if I had anything more to say. I said
no and sat looking at him, when suddenly in my mind
I heard a loud, almost shouting voice say, ARE YOU
I immediately remembered what Jesus had wanted
me to say, and I said, There is one more thing. I then
repeated to them exactly word for word what I was told
to say.
It was as if I had just thrown ice water over the whole
group. Without saying anything more I was dismissed, and
my wife and I went back and sat in the lobby.
A little while later I was invited back into the council
and was told that I was being excommunicated from the
church and that I would receive a letter of explanation in
a few days.
I fought to hold back the tears, but felt absolutely no
desire to offer an apology or to give any further explanation. I could see that these men were doing only that which
they knew to do. And that was to follow their leader. The
Stake President was only following the directive of those
above him. What he said would be the final word.
The truth of the matter was that if everyone in the
church felt and acted like I was now acting, there would
be no need for the church or for any of their positions. I
have always believed and still believe that the church was

set up by God to bring people to Christ, and in me it had

Though it was hard for me to see it that way at the
moment, I later realized that the only reason I wanted to
stay in was because I had placed my trust in it and not
in God. There was no need on my part to feel ashamed
or guilty; I had done all that I was called upon to do by
the Lord, and had lived up to every covenant I had made
with Him.
I still on occasion thank Him for the support and
strength He gave me in this, one of my most needy hours.
The letter of excommunication came as stated, but
with little explanation.
Not long after being cast out, I began to know the
true meaning of Jesus words when he said to those Jews
who believed on him, If ye continue in My word, then are
ye My disciples indeed; and ye shall know the truth, and
the truth shall make you free.
The operative word here is continue. I had become
bogged down in trying to please God with how great my
statistics were, and how many outward manifestations I
could show, but now the chains and shackles had been
loosed from me and I was completely free to be, and act,
without the peer pressure created by the church.
I had bought into the self righteous attitude that I was
better than the rest of the world because I attended all my
meetings and wore the holy garment. There is nothing so
humbling, yet liberating, for an individual to have all of
that stripped away.
My excommunication was announced in each ward of
the stake and within just a few days I felt the rejection of

those I had grown to know and love so well.

I was surprised at the fear that gripped most of
them. Some would not look at me and some would avoid
talking to me. While in the local store people would go to
a different isle if they thought that I might try to speak to
Overnight I had become the bogeyman. Later I realized that the big scare was that people were afraid that if
they were seen talking to me it would look as though they
were siding with me or endorsing that which I believed,
and that could put them under the same skeptical eye of
their leaders.
I thought this to be total nonsense until one time I
stopped and talked to a man in our city park. This conversation was seen by the Stake President, and the man was
called in and talked to by this president the next week.
Knowing this actually helped me to see the reason
behind others actions and fears, and I soon began to
try and alleviate their fears by just saying hello and not
engaging in conversation.
To their credit, there were four or five people who
treated me as though nothing had happened, and they were
even bold enough to come and ask me what had taken
place to cause such a stir with the church.
These people may not have believed a word that I
said as I shared with them some of my experiences, but I
will always admire them for the courage they had to come
directly to the source and get first hand information.
When the world seems to turn on you it is amazing
how thankful you are to those that are able to stay out of


Dream About My Wife

Two weeks after my dismissal from the church, I
awoke in the morning after having had a most fascinating
dream. Much of the dream did not make sense to me, but
in time the pieces began to fit together.
In this dream I was sitting in a bishops office. The
bishop and his two councilors were sitting across from my
wife and I, and she was answering their questions. I seemed
to be just an observer here and gave very little input to
what was being said. On the wall I could see a picture
of the first presidency of the church. The men were not
angry but I could sense that they were very determined in
their nature. Exactly what was said I do not know, nor was
I able to hear, but I could very distinctly feel the intents of
each persons heart.
To my surprise I did not recognize the bishop or
either of the other two men. In fact, I was sure that I had
never seen them before. As I observed what was going on,
I heard the voice of my Father speak to me, This is the
Disciplinary Council which will be held for your wife. She
will be excommunicated from the church within a year of
your excommunication.

The dream faded with all of us feeling very cordial to

one another, and I woke up wondering what it could all
mean, for my wife had made no waves in the church, nor
did I see her causing any. I did not know these men and
couldnt figure out who they were. It just didnt seem to
make sense that this dream was a future event, for none of
it seemed to fit.
On the other hand, this dream was so vivid that I
woke up my wife and explained the whole thing to her. I
think that because it involved her, she found it intriguing,
but wondered how insightful it really was because her basic
nature is very non confrontational. Not trying to read
more into the dream than was there we chalked it up to
just another one of those things where we finally say
well see.
It wasnt until one year later that we found ourselves
sitting in the exact same places I had seen in my dream. It
was the 18th of July 1995, just 364 days from my disciplinary
action and we had moved 50 miles away to a new area.
As I walked with my wife over to the local church
we turned to each other and suddenly realized we had
talked about this day the summer before. As we shared the
remembrance of the dream she said, I guess we already
know the outcome here, dont we?
I nodded. We walked into the church and only had
a short wait before going into the bishops office. I then
recognized the men in the dream and all that was taking
place. It was exactly as I had seen it. The only difference
was that I couldnt feel the presence of my Father there as
strong as I did in the dream.
This was now my opportunity to be a support to my

wife as her membership was very rapidly removed from the

church. Later on I will describe the events that led to this
action, but the basic underlying reason was for apostasy.
When I inquired of my Father why He had shown me
this dream, His response was that there were many important events that had to do with my lifes mission that would
be shown to me, and all of them would eventually come
to pass. Many of the things which I have been shown have
little relevance to others personal journeys to know God,
and because of this I am only giving you those experiences
which the Spirit directs will help you, the reader, in general.
The first month after my parting with the church
brought more spiritual experiences and talks with my
Father than I had experienced previously. I must have been
in one of those phases in life where my ability to hang on
to the Light was waning, for it seemed that at every turn I
was having another spiritual growth spurt.
Even looking back on it now I wonder if I needed the
extra boost, or if somehow I had exercised more faith then
than I had previously, and thus the veil became thinner.
Either way I was grateful for the more clear and distinct
voice of my Father and for the dreams and visions that
During this time my Father asked me to read 1 Nephi
1:4. It is on the first page of the Book of Mormon, and
reads as follows: For it came to pass in the commencement of the first year of the reign of Zedekiah, King of
Judah, (my father, Lehi, having dwelt at Jerusalem in all
his days); and in that same year there came many prophets,
prophesying unto the people that they must repent, or the
great city Jerusalem must be destroyed.

He then explained to me that what I had done by

sharing with the High Counsel has been done by many,
many others throughout history, and that even more would
do the same in the future. It was their way of warning
people of that which is to come.
He explained that I should not feel boastful or proud
about it, for there would come a day when I would see
these things fulfilled, and at that time I would weep over
the pain, both physical and mental, that many people
would go through.



The Garments
Just prior to my going on a mission for the Mormon
Church, I had gone to the temple for the first time. When
you go through the temple on your first visit, you make
covenants or contracts with God to be obedient to His
will, and I took these covenants very seriously.
At the same time you make these commitments to
God, you put on a garment or underclothing that is to
remind you of the covenant you have made with deity. The
church teaches that the garment is to remain with you the
rest of your life, and represents the clothing Adam and Eve
put on when they found themselves naked in the garden
after partaking of the forbidden fruit.
Sadly it has also become a way for members to judge
others. Regrettably, I did this myself. I found when I was
out of town or in an area where I didnt know anybody;
I would look and see if I could tell if any of the people
around me were Mormon by seeing if they were wearing
garments. To tell you this now seems bizarre and ridiculous, but it was a way of finding someone with familiar
thinking. I am certain that I was not alone in this practice.
And I am equally as certain I felt myself better than those

around me because I had made this commitment to God

to wear this underwear, which they had not.
There is no place for specialness or segregation with
God. It is a mindset that retards the spiritual growth drastically, and should be pushed from ones thinking. My experiences with God have never shown class distinctions or
better than attitudes. We complicate the situation when
we see any of our brothers as different than ourselves.
This particular separating maneuver which the garment
provides is man made, yet there are hundreds of other
judgments that are much easier to spot. Color, nationality,
gender, social status, skinny, fat, ugly, cute, gay, straight,
smart, dumb and even handicapped are all looked beyond
and without judgment by those who see as God does.
During my disciplinary meeting, the Stake President
told me that I was to take off the garment and not wear
it, and I told him this was something I could not do, for
I had made my contract with God and not him. I know
this made him feel I was not acknowledging his authority,
but I felt deeply about it and absolutely refused to take it
off. I felt if I was in error, then let God be the judge and
I will answer to Him, but no man was now going to step
between me and my creatorfor to do so I knew would be
setting my progression back several steps.
Some three weeks later I had another dream that
went like this: I was walking in the neighborhood where I
grew up, traveling on foot up a gently rising street not far
from my house. I was alone, and as I walked I suddenly
noticed that my Stake President was coming toward me.
He was looking at my clothing and trying to see if I was
still wearing the garment I was given in the temple (just as

I had done to others on hundreds of occasions). He could

see that I was wearing it and told me that I was to take off
the garment immediately. Again I refused to take it off and
gave him the same answer as before.
With this, he grew angry and told me again that I
must take the garment off. I again refused and he withdrew from me a short distance. I could feel his attitude
was changing to a non-confrontational approach. He then
looked at me and could see that I was white and glowing,
and his countenance became one of remorse. He then said
How do you do that?
And I said, Just let go. Let go of everything.
He said, I cant, I am caught in this web and I cant
get out.
I again said, You can just let go. But he turned and
walked away.
At that point I heard the voice of my Father say, Take
off the garment!
I was in total shock. So amazed was I at the request
that I asked Him to repeat what He had said, and His voice
came through again saying, Take off the garment.
I then, in my cautious manner, checked to make sure
I was listening to the right voice and doing the right thing.
Without further explanation I slipped out of my undergarment and burned it, as we are told to do with discarded
A few days passed before my Father talked to me about
the purposes for taking off the garment. Our conversation
was quite lengthy and because of the personal nature of
what He told me I will not convey all that He said. I was

still trying to get used to the coolness of not wearing the

additional clothing when I frankly asked my Father why
He had me take the garment off.
His explanation was as follows: The garment was
given in the garden as a symbol to remind the wearer of
the covenants they have made with God. When you put it
on you made covenants too. Do you remember the covenants that you made at that time?
I acknowledged that I did.
He then said, When Adam and Eve did that which
went against the directive of God, they left the garden
and were given a garment to cover their nakedness, and
it represented the commitment or covenant they made to
do the Will of God in their lives. In the garden they were
clothed in Light. Outside of the garden they were not. In
addition to being a reminder of their new commitment to
God, the garment was a symbol or representation of the
Light they once had; a reminder if you will, of where they
had been.
You are now at the point where you have fulfilled
all of the covenants that you made when putting on the
garment the first time you went through the temple.
From our perspective we see the Light you emanate as
being inhibited by the garment. For this reason we have
directed you to take off the garment and let your Light
shine. Understand that others may progress through this
same point in a much different way than you have.
Baptism, confirmation, endowment, the garment
and thousands of other tools are simply used to help you
progress. They are instruments to teach you how to love
without condition. The danger comes when people attach

to the tools and lose sight of the end goal. Nevertheless

there are endless numbers of souls here ready to help
persuade them in their progression when they are ready
to advance.
Remember that all of these experiences are for
your growth. They are given to you that you may become
as I Am. I have told you this before, and I shall say it to
you many more times; savor every minute of your earthly
existence. See joy in all things and be thankful for all
that you are going through. Share with others as you
know, too, and remember that I experience all that you
experience. Because the Spirit of Truth, or my Spirit, is in
all things and through all things; your life is an extension
of My life.
Becoming tuned to that understanding and resonating with it continually will allow you to operate in
harmony with all that is. This will bring a peace that will
surpass all understanding.
Learn to be true to that which you know within, and
you will see all of your experiences working together for
your good.
This explanation seemed to satisfy my garment issue
and I really have never looked back after taking them off.
Frankly, I am glad that I went through it, but I now realize
that it was just another step in my progression to know
God. A step that was important for me but one which
many others would never need to go through.
Millions of people will learn unconditional love and
be as Jesus is, without ever having to make the garment
commitment. For me it was helpful, but I learned through
it all, there is only one thing that is required to be one

with God, and that is that you must give up any thinking
process that is not like Gods.
There are really no absolutes with regard to the steps
a person will (should) take to enjoy the peace of our Father
in Heaven, but we each manufacture a bunch of them so
that we can feel we are more correct than someone else.
The truth is we are all equal.



Seminary Teacher
As the next few weeks rolled on I had many new
experiences that seemed to come, one right after another.
At this time in my life my two oldest children were in high
school and both of them were enrolled in LDS seminary.
This is a daily release time activity that is funded and
provided by the Mormon Church. As I grew up I found it
to be a great place to learn about the scriptures and have
always encouraged my children to participate, if they felt
so inclined.
At the time of my excommunication, my son Josh was
taking seminary at Wasatch High School, and his seminary
teacher lived not far from our home. His teacher soon heard
about my parting with the church and began to ask my son
questions about what had happened. This teacher was so
curious about why I was no longer a member, that he asked
Josh if I would speak to him about it. My son knew that I
was still a bit timid about sharing what happened to me but
he arranged for the two of us to get together and talk.
This proved to be a very enjoyable experience for
me, and I believe for the teacher. Knowing that we were
together to talk about why I had been excommunicated, he

got right to the subject at hand and asked me point blank

to tell him what had happened.
I began by going through the stories that you have
already read here, which he listened to with great interest,
and then he began to ask me what I thought of the current
state of affairs with the church.
I tried very delicately to share with him what the
scriptures said about what would happen to the church in
the last days and then something strange happened. Out
of my mouth came an angle on this topic that I had not
thought of before.
I asked him how many translated or ascended beings
he knew. He gave me a rather puzzled look and then started
to throw out names like John the Beloved and Moses and
a few others.
I said, No, I want to know how many you know
He then said, I dont know any.
To which I said, So what level of the gospel do you
think you are living?
Still looking a bit bewildered, I began to explain to him
that in a few years the earth was going to go through some
very major changes. Changes which have been predicted
and seen for thousands of years the likes of which have
never been known before and never would be again.
I explained to him that when these changes were over,
the only people that would be left would be those who could
so focus on the Spirit and the Will of God that they could
walk through these calamities virtually unharmed. If we as
individuals hadnt developed that degree of faith, the catastrophes of this time would send us to the Spirit World.

Then I asked him what level of the gospel he felt the

church was living as a whole. He may have suspected that
I was trying to trap him and dodged the question a bit, but
he said that he felt the church had all that it needed for the
salvation of mankind.
I agreed with him that as a whole it contained more
truth than any organization that I was aware of, and that it
was doing a tremendous amount of good.
Then I asked him, Do you see any place in the church
where they hold all things in common? Where there is no
rich or poor among them? Where blessings are given and
the healing is done instantly? Where by faith people are
raised from the dead? Where the gift of tongues is manifest
and the interpretation of tongues is also brought forth?
Do you know of anyone that has witnessed the ministering of angels and will testify to such?
To each of these questions he answered, no.
I then said, So what level of the gospel do you feel
the church is living?
He said, I see your point.
I then explained to him that we both know the earth
is in its final stages before experiencing the major devastation where a whole new era would unfold. I tried to show
him that my position was that unless we individually progress to the point that we have enough faith to walk through
these calamities; then we will be burned at His coming.
Our meeting finished very positive, and although he
may have felt I was a bit caught up in the Last Days Events,
he understood very well that I was not out to put the church
down or be critical of its leadership. They are trying their
best to do that which they feel directed, just as I have.

There comes a time when each of us has to look at

ourselves and give an accounting of why we have acted in
the manner in which we have. This is a time when we learn
to forgive ourselves in order to move on and let go of the
past. I feel I have enough to answer for without adding to
it being critical of the church or anothers path.



Some time in September of this same year I received
a phone call from a woman in Idaho who had also been
going down a very enlightening spiritual path. Like me,
she had grown up in the LDS church and had been asked
to serve in many positions.
At the time of our conversation she was working at the
Idaho Falls Temple and she told me of a very intriguing experience that she had while serving there. The spiritual experience she went through in the temple so changed her life, and
was so out of the norm; she found it difficult to share with
others. To protect this persons privacy I shall call her Cathy.
She explained to me she had never sought to be
different or special, and she was apprehensive as to why
she had gone through what she had.
As we talked I could hear my Father speaking to me at
the same time I was speaking to Cathy. He said, Ask her
about her authority.
This seemed a little out of the norm for me but I
figured there must be a reason for my Father to say such
a thing, so I kind of half asked and stated. You have
authority given to you from God dont you?

There was a long pause and she shyly said yes.

During this pause my Father said, She is going to use
that authority to give you a blessing, and you will be the
first one of many to whom she will give blessings.
I then said, Youre going to use that authority on me
and I will be the first one you have ever done this with,
wont I?
There was an even longer pause before she asked me;
How did you know that? There is no earthly way you
could have known that.
I explained to her the inner voice I had learned to
listen to. And she told me when she received this authority
to give blessings, she was told the first person she was to
pronounce a blessing on would know she had the authority
to do it, and would also know they were to receive a blessing
from her hands.
The reason for the long pause after I asked her these
questions was because she knew that the time had now
come for her to step out and begin this work, and it was a
bit unnerving to her.
We set a date to get together near the end of the month.
About three weeks later my wife and I proceeded to Idaho
and met with Cathy. We drove east from her house for
about an hour to a small secluded canyon which had a delicate little stream running through it.
Cathy placed her hands on my head and gave me
one of the most beautiful blessings I have ever heard. She
repeated many of the things that I had already been told
by my Father, which proved to be a second witness of that
which I needed to do with my life.
She also told me something that proved to be a little

shocking and uncomfortable for me. During the course

of the blessing she told me that I was to put my temple
garments back on.
Once the blessing ended I felt that I was faced with
a new dilemma. On the one hand my Father had told me
to take my garments off, and on the other hand I was now
being told to put them back on. What made this problem
even worse was the fact that I kept getting witnesses of the
truth of what Cathy was saying as she gave the blessing!
I decided to take the next few minutes after the
blessing and talk to my Father as to what I should do. As I
sat there in silence I asked my Father in Heaven to tell me
how I should handle this.
There was no answer.
He said nothing as I continued to be still and wait
for His response. I could feel His presence, but there were
no words spoken. A few minutes passed and still I heard
no voice, but continued to feel the peace of all that was
conveyed in Cathys words.
With no answer, I turned to my Father again, and
said, Father I will do as you have instructed me and not
put the garment back on until I know that it is Your Will,
for I still look upon Cathy as the arm of flesh and I do not
wish to put my trust there.
No sooner had I said these words, then I heard my
Fathers voice say, You have chosen well....
He then went on to tell me that what we had just gone
through was both a lesson for me and for Cathy. For me it
was to see if I would follow that which I knew to do inside
and was directed from Him, and for her it was to see if she
would convey to me that which they told her to say, even if

she knew that I would question it.

He then said that we had both moved forward, and
that if we could see what this little exercise had done for us
in the eternal perspective, we would both be amazed.
I turned to Cathy and my wife and shared with them
what I had just experienced, and we wrapped our arms
around each other in a group hug.
Though we have only seen Cathy a few times since
that hot September afternoon, Carol and I have remained
very good friends with Cathy and supportive of the work
that she does.
There was one more great lesson which came out of
this experience with Cathy and my wife. This lesson was
not as difficult for me to accept and learn as I have seen it
be for others, but nonetheless it was still a great learning.
With my religious background, I had been taught that
all authority to give blessings from God rested with men. I
had accepted that as the norm because it was all that I saw
around me as I grew up. Women could have great faith and
use that faith to heal, but it was never done hands on so
to speak. That right, and I really dislike using that word,
was reserved for males only.
Over the years I have spoken with many people, both
male and female, who struggle with this liberal approach,
but I have found that God is no respecter of persons. He/
She gives authority as is deemed needful at the moment,
and it is us who needs to let go of our prejudices and
preconceived ideas.
One thing I do believe is that if this concept is hard
for you to accept, your next spiritual advancement will be
dependent on letting go of this issue.

One of the greatest hindrances to knowing God is

pride. When we think we are better than others, or God
loves us more than others, it sets up a self imposed barrier
that blocks our ability to progress spiritually.
To take this barrier down or have God remove it, we
have to place ourselves on equal footing with others. This
may sound easy but you will have to watch constantly to
make sure you are not placing yourself above another. It is
so easy to do.
Perhaps I find this has been something for me to
work on because I grew up with it so ingrained into my
unconscious thinking. I was taught we had the truth, we
had the priesthood, we were the chosen of the Lord, we
were blessed above others; the list goes on and on.
I am a special generation, I was preserved to come
forth at this time, I was born under the covenant (an LDS
term which means my parents were sealed in the temple
before I was born). No matter how we try to twist it, the
bottom line is that we see ourselves as better than or more
special in Gods eyes than we see others. And we all have a
tendency to do this, no matter what religious background
or upbringing we have.
As long as we stay in this space, we are letting our ego
run the show, and our love of others will be proportionate
to how we see them. You can not completely love others
until you see them as you see yourself.
This brings me to another topic I would like to just touch
on briefly. It is called Priestcraft. Few organizations will discuss
it because by its very nature it condemns or makes a hypocrite of the teacher. To go from Priesthood to Priestcraft is so
subtle it only takes the slightest manipulation of Priesthood.

When a person, be it male or female, uses their

influence to get gain, to take advantage of another, or to
control others, it becomes a craft. If guilt or authority is
used as a pressure to secure that advantage then it becomes
Priestcraft, and the Light diminishes.
God does not condemn or stop loving the Priestcraft
person; they simply tie their own hands. I learned at this
time from Cathys example and conversations with my
Father, that authority is given to everyone. No one is above
another, and in Gods eyes we are all the same.
It is our eyes peering out through our ego that have
trained us to look at classes and differences in others.
When Jesus said, Whatsoever ye see Me do that shall ye
do also, he was teaching us that we are exactly like Him
in every way.
If we think, through our efforts and experiences, we
are better than . . . or closer to God because . . . we are
mistaken. Logic will tell us that a perfect Father cannot
create one person better than another or He would not be
perfect. If God, being perfect, can not create imperfection, then the imperfection can only come from us.
God being perfect only sees the perfection He created
and does not see or can not see any imperfection because
it literally does not exist. We are the creators of the illusion of imperfection. We are the ones that keep seeing
the beam in our brothers eye. We are the ones that
literally see ourselves as separate from God because we see
ourselves as separate from our brothers. This large family
of God is simply trying to correct errors in thinking and
it is done by seeing beyond the errors that we think our
brothers have made.

All specialness creates class distinction, which moves

one away from God and not towards oneness. The intensity of your spiritual light will be directly proportionate to
your ability to see others as yourself and as the God they
truly are.
Authority is just one more way to see ourselves as
better than or more blessed than another. It takes away
from our oneness with others which is a reflection of our
oneness with God.
Christ gave His Apostles authority because they
needed the crutch. Anyone could have done, and can do,
what Christ or the Apostles did. The reason we dont is
because the ego side of our mind has told us we are not as
good as they are, just like we are telling others they are not
as good as we are, or are not God-like.
And thus we perpetuate the retardation of growth
from both ends of the spectrum.
Many times after this blessing from Cathy, I have
thanked my Father, for helping break my fingers from this
cycle of authority and class distinction.




Sometime between the September blessing from
Cathy and Christmas of 1994, my wife and I were invited
to a friends home for a chat. I needed to transact some
business in Salt Lake so we went downtown before heading
over for our visit.
With my business transaction completed my wife
asked if we could stop along the way so that she could use
a restroom. I spotted a McDonalds just ahead and we
pulled in, parking so that we were about 30 feet from the
front door.
Before I could get out and open the door for my wife
she was in the parking lot and I was trailing several yards
behind her. Her brisk walk left me still 20 feet behind her
when she went through the front door.
As I tried to close the distance between us I noticed a
man approaching from my left. His hair was a bit unkept
and his clothes looked rather drab, but he had a smile on
his face, which had a calming reassuring sparkle to it. The
closer I got to the door the closer he got as well. He reached
the opening before I did and then stopped between me
and the door.

A bit startled I looked up and waited for him to speak.

He then looked me right in the eyes and said, Could you
spare some money for me and a friend?
I replied that I would be happy to buy them a meal,
but he declined my offer. I then again invited him to come
in with me and I would feed him and his friend. To this he
simply said No, they will not let me in there dressed like
this. I just need the money.
I have had this type of experience happen many times,
but something seemed different here. As I reached for my
wallet I began to get that feeling I had not had since my
Father came just before my church Disciplinary Court. It
was that warmth that I had felt many times, but had never
experience in the flesh. This was new, and I knew that he
was feeling the same thing I was. In fact I knew that he
was creating this warmth.
I immediately looked back into His eyes and a wide
smile grew on his face. He knew what I was feeling was
His own distinct energy of love and then He let it flow
over me as He had so many times during the five months
we conversed on a daily basis. I was spellbound by the
reality of what I knew was happening. He still smiled as
I tried to get some money out of my wallet and handed it
to Him.
I had prayed for this moment all my life and now I
couldnt believe it was happening. With tears welling up
in my eyes I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around
Him. He then put His arms around me and with our heads
on each others shoulders, we both started to cry. His
energy was like a cleansing fire. I was completely accepted.
He saw me for who I was on the inside and more than ever

in my life I wanted to be just like Him.

We stayed in this position for some time and then He
grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back so that I was at
arms distance from Him.
Still holding my shoulders He said, I shall never
forget you and you will never forget this moment. I love
you. He then turned and began walking away.
I said Wait, I would like you to meet my wife.
I turned and went inside spotting my wife just coming
out of the restroom. I grabbed her hand and raced back
to the door telling her there was someone that I had just
bumped into who I wanted her to meet.
It couldnt have taken me more than 20 seconds to get
my wife and return, but He was gone. The parking lot had
no cars in it and I could see 70 yards, but there was no one
around. We walked around the building but He had left as
quickly as He had come.
I asked my wife if she had seen the man that was right
behind her when she went into McDonalds, but she had
not. In fact she didnt remember seeing anyone in the
parking lot when she went in. I was dumbfounded. My
mind raced around the experience for some time and I
wondered when there would be more. Actually it didnt
matter if there was; I was happy to have met an old familiar
friend again.




Speaking in Tongues
As life proceeded to get more and more interesting,
I found that a lot of the old gifts of the Spirit that I had
read about in the New Testament were still being exercised by people that manifested enough faith to make
them happen. This was one of the things that had really
puzzled me and seemed frustrating when I was in search
for the greater Light I knew was out there at the start of
my spiritual awaking.
Of all of the gifts, as described by Paul the Apostle, the
least of these is the gift of tongues. It had always intrigued
me even as a young boy when I first heard my great grandmother say that she had witnessed the speaking in tongues
many times as a young girl in church.
She said that in a testimony meeting one person would
get up and speak in a language that was not immediately
understood by the congregation. Then another person
would stand and give the interpretation of the speaker.
These things were done as a Witness of the Spirit, and
felt by all that were there in the meeting. Why these things
dwindled out of existence in our modern day meetings is
an area I dont want to speculate on, but I found it uplifting

to hear my great grandmother talk about it because she

always did it with such reverence.
One time while I was at a small meeting in central
Utah, a man said that he had been given the gift of tongues
and could speak in tongues whenever directed by the Spirit.
He felt moved or prompted at the time to speak, and asked
if anyone else felt impressed to interpret that which had
been spoken.
As I listened to what was said, I felt that the language
had an American Indian dialect or sound to it. The language
actually had a gentle, pleasant flow. I then closed my eyes
and concentrated on the words as they were spoken. When
I did, I knew a few of the words that were spoken; not all
of them, but just a few. At first I was afraid to speak up and
say that I could understand some of the words; but finally
when no one else could understand the words I spoke
up and said I could understand part of them. I felt a bit
ashamed that I had not gotten the whole message. I knew
that the reason for not getting it all was that I had not
concentrated well enough. There were too many distractions and my fear was the biggest distraction.
After the meeting I felt determined to learn to
concentrate better and not let this happen again. It was
only a few weeks later when I saw this same man speak in
tongues again and I felt that old familiar burning in my
heart that let me know that it was time to step out in faith
and speak an interpretation when the words came. A beautiful message was spoken from our Father in Heaven and
they that were there marveled at the power of the Spirit.
During the next six or eight months this same scenario
happened several times with different people speaking in

tongues and many times I was blessed to be able, with faith,

to give the interpretation of what was spoken. Each time
I became more relaxed and my confidence in my Father
in Heaven helping me also grew. Surprisingly I even got
to the point where I could listen, interpret and do something else with my hands and not miss one word of the
While driving in the car one day I began to complain a
bit to my Father about why I could interpret tongues but not
speak in tongues. He then said to me, Close your eyes for a
few seconds and leave the driving to me. Concentrate and let
your mind go blank. Then open your mouth and speak.
As I did, words came out like: Yanto, shana ha yeastaka mosista. I had no idea what the words were but I
could feel my body heating up with the feeling of the Spirit.
I then said to my Father, That was great, thank you!
He then said, Oh, it gets better than that; go into the
Now again and I will show you.
As I did, similar words came out only they had a
beat or a rhythm to them. It was just a simple rhythm, but
it rolled off my lips in a sweetness like the singing of some
ancient tribe in a thanksgiving observance.
As I basked in the beauty of what was happening, I
heard my Fathers voice again. He repeated the same words
again. Oh it gets better than that go into the Now again
and I will show you.
As I did this for the third time, I heard the same
words come out of my mouth, only this time they were
being spoken or rather sung to an old familiar tune I had
learned in church. So great was the impact on me this third
time, that tears began to roll down my face. Were it not for

the break in the concentration so that I could go back to

driving, I think I would have separated myself from this
plane of existence. What that means or how it happens I
cannot say, but this much is sure, my body was buzzing at
a rate I had not felt since standing in the blue light of the
love of Jesus.
As if this was not enough, my Father then showed me
that every song written with pure intent has many verses in
many languages. He showed me that if I just concentrated
and displayed unshaken faith with a mind single to His
glory, that I could sing in tongues and then receive the
interpretation also being sung.
I was shocked to discover that the interpretation
being sung would rhyme like the original did, only with
completely different words and meaning!
Not long after I had this experience, I was asked to
share the spiritual experiences that I had gone through at a
class or cottage meeting with a group of about 25 people.
It was a delightful gathering of God loving souls, and I
enjoyed their kindness and spirit as we talked together for
about an hour and a half.
Just as I was about to leave, one of the ladies who
attended this meeting said that she had heard that I could
sing and interpret in tongues and wondered if I felt it would
be possible or appropriate to do so now?
I took a large swallow, closed my eyes, and went into the
Now where I immediately heard my Father say, I am with
you, step out in faith, and it shall be done according to their
faith; but let them pick the song or hymn as a testimony that
what they are hearing is of Me and not of man.
I then asked her to pick a song that most of the people there

would know so that we could sing the first verse together.

It would be easy to tell you at this point that I was
calm and collected, but that would be a half truth. As they
were deciding on what hymn to sing, I kept telling myself
to stay focused, show no fear, and remember, Your Father
is with you and with Him you can do all things. The pressure was on and I knew that this was another one of those
points where the rubber meets the road.
They chose to sing How Great Thou Art, and we
proceeded through the first verse without a hitch. Then I
soloed the second verse in tongues, which I felt sounded
Native American or Indian.
Then came the verse in English, and I was concentrating so hard that I paid no attention to the words. It
wasnt until after the song had ended, that I realized what
an effect it had on those present.
When I opened my eyes I could see a white glow
among all the participants which slowly faded as we sat for
about three minutes in total silence.
Before I left, a women named Lisa came to me and told
me that the interpretation was a blessing from our Father or
Fathers in Heaven and that each verse rhymed precisely.
Over the course of the next two years tongues were
spoken often when people would gather to feel of the
Spirit. Many of my friends learned to speak and interpret tongues, but then the need for that Gift of the Spirit
seemed to dwindle, and I have not seen it nearly as often
as in those early growth years.
For myself I have found that the gift is still there and
can be accessed at any time if the need arises, but is not as
common as it once was.



Exercises in Faith
Some have wondered, and rightly so, what faith really
is, or how does it work? I had pondered this question many,
many times throughout my life and looked at it from what
I felt was every possible angle. Because it is the basic foundation for a belief in God and anything else that is not
seen, I have always wondered just what makes it work or
how it functions. Why do some people seem to exhibit a
great deal of faith and others none at all?
This question has probably baffled theologians more
than any other throughout history. For myself I came to
the conclusion that faith is one of those things that you
can sometimes see or observe in others, but may be difficult to create or build in your own life.
The reason I found it to be this way is that as soon as
I found myself exercising faith in something that seemed
unnatural to the way the world looked at it, it would become
a natural occurrence to me, and I would no longer look at
it as something that wasnt normal.
This meant that I would have to step out again beyond
that point and exercise faith a little farther beyond where I
was. The cycle continues to this day. It seems that faith is

acquired much like one would eat an elephant; it has to be

done one bite at a time and over a period of years. I have
yet to meet the person that exhibits faith who didnt spend
a lot of time in the crock pot of experience.
Because there are so many aspects or areas in our lives
that are touched by faith and contain or exhibit faith, I
will look at it from the definition that says: Faith is the
complete confidence or belief in something that cannot be
proven by scientific means.
One nice thing about developing faith is that you dont
have to prove it to anyone else. Your understanding is yours
alone and those who choose not to believe or develop faith
themselves rarely find interest in what you are doing.
Many times along lifes path, it has not been until I
looked back that I have been able to see greater faith exercised in my own personal affairs. For some time I didnt
believe that I was doing anything out of the normal, but
then when I could see it in retrospect, the reality of the gulf
between who I am now and who I was then is obvious.
Each of us has the power within to create in ways
that we never dreamed of. The biggest problem is that we
dont believe we can. Through our societies and the traditions of our fathers, we have created walls or blocks to
our ability to do extraordinary things. These barriers need
to come down and that in itself is the great challenge.
Then once we have experienced or accomplished the
miraculous, it becomes commonplace and we no longer
see it as profound or out of the normal, it just simply is a
part of who we are.
I started to play with this idea with a group of friends
and we began to try with our minds or by faith to

create or make things happen.

Let me point out here that I have always felt that it is
extremely important to exercise faith in positive ways and
not generally for my own personal benefit or gain, materially. It is my opinion that if a person tries to exercise faith
for any control of others or to gratify his or her ego in
any way, it will always come back upon the initiator as a
difficult learning experience. The law of attraction works
no matter what end of the spectrum you choose. We all
return to us that which we put out without exception.
On the other hand, if this power is used for the
uplifting and benefit of others, then it develops a personal
character growth that brings the Spirit stronger into ones
life. Here again you cannot stop this. It will happen despite
what you may think you are doing to stop it.
It is simplest to start with small easy things that take
little concentration and have little effect on others. As
small things are mastered, then larger ones seem to follow
as a natural offshoot or evolution of your efforts.
One of the easiest things I found to create is contacts
with people we wish to see or talk to. As we played with
this, my friends and I found that if we simply sent our intent
out that we wanted to see someone, or talk to someone,
that within a short time this person would call or show up.
With a few of my friends this has become as natural and
normal a process as eating or breathing.
For myself I found that I had to approach the idea
with an absolute belief that the person I wanted to talk to
would show up or call.
For the best results I discovered that I needed a legitimate reason to talk to the person and in the beginning

it worked best if I didnt put a tight time frame on the

contact time or when I wanted the results.
Several of us have enjoyed playing this to the point
that we do it now without even thinking about it or giving
it a second thought. We simply put out the intent and reap
the results. You know that the outcome will be as you
desire because you know that you are never denied your
pure intent.
A simple exercise in faith that anyone can try or use, is
the one that we call Sending out your Genie. Of course
we dont really mean that we are sending out a genie, but
this has become an expression to indicate what we are
trying to do.
The genie idea works like this. When you need to
drive someplace and you know that it is going to be difficult to find a parking place, you simple send out the intent
that you want the closest space possible to your destination.
With this small exercise I soon found that if I consciously
sent out the intent about ten minutes before my arrival time
that I would get the closest or next to the closest parking
spot every time. To my surprise if I didnt ask at least ten
minutes in advance I would only have about a 50 50 chance
of getting the spot. If I sent out no intent I would usually
not get anywhere close to where I wanted to be.
Over time I have found that you can keep the intent
in your heart that this is what you would like and you dont
have to consciously put as much effort into it, to get the
same results. Eventually you always get the space you need
without a conscious effort. This comes because you know
that the universe is always working for your highest good
as well as that of all others.

One side note here that I also use with the genie idea
is to keep it open ended. That is to say, that if someone
needs this space more than I do, then I would like them
to have it. My Father sees a larger picture than I do and I
am happy to set my will aside if it is for a higher good to
another person.
Moving from these simple exercises in faith you can
try one that takes a bit more concentration. This exercise
we call Making Clouds Disappear. To do this you simply
concentrate on a small cloud and in your mind spread it
out or disperse it into the larger space that is around it.
It will surprise you how fast you can vaporize the
cloud to the point that it can no longer be seen. The same
thing can happen in reverse. If you want a cloud to appear
you simply gather the moisture in a large area and bring it
together until it condenses in a smaller area that makes the
cloud visible. As an exercise this works well, but you will
find that it can happen a lot faster and on a bigger scale if
there is a real need or necessity to have it manifest.
In other words, the emotion that you have behind
your intent will strengthen your ability to make it happen.
If a loved one is in need and you can feel their true want
and desire to be blessed through faith, your intent is
heightened or enhanced. The fact that there are two of
you putting forth the effort also adds to your ability to
make it happen.
You may recall that Jesus at one time, when he had
come from the North Country, said that He could do no
miracles among them for they had no faith. Even as great
as He was at exercising faith it still took a combined faith
to make things happen in others lives.

One afternoon a friend of mine named Keith and

my son and I were driving home from work. As we were
driving my son started asking us about making clouds
disappear and if we could show him how it worked. Keith
picked a cloud out of the drivers side window that was
about the size of a full moon. He and I concentrated on
the cloud to make it disappear and within about 30 seconds
it was gone.
My son looked at us as if we had just done some magic
trick and we tried to explain to him that it was simply an
exercise in faith. If you believe you can do all things.
We were merely demonstrating what the mind can do if
the energy there is focused. With two of us it happened
faster than usual. I could tell that my son was getting the
idea, but then he said, Okay, lets suppose that the disappearing cloud was a coincidence. Can you now make it
Keith and I concentrated again, and again within
about 30 seconds the little moon-size cloud was in the
sky. I then said to my son that just to make sure he understood that this was all for real, we would make it disappear
again. As we concentrated the cloud left permanently.
I very rarely do the cloud exercise any more, but it
is always fun to work with. There are a lot of areas of
faith that some would say are more important than clouds
disappearing, but I look at these items as practice experiments for greater uses of faith.
The most important thing that I have tried to keep in
mind in my development in this area is what am I feeling
directed to do inside? How are my actions in the exercise
of my faith affecting the greater good of mankind? If I

can see this clearly then it is easy to step out and do. I try
to keep this motto in mind: Do what you know to do and
if you dont know, dont do.




This writing has been about 12 years in the making. I
basically finished it some where around 2000 and just set
it aside, not being prompted or directed that it needed to
come out yet. As it sat on the shelf I wondered why I had
written it in the first place.
The thought had crossed my mind several times
that it was only to help me remember all that I had been
through. Yet I have been through a lot of experiences that
really have no relevance to others. Hence, I have taken out
about ten-thousand words which seemed to me to be too
controlling or religious in content, and still, as I have read
back through it, I can see the extreme structure that I was
raised in. Somewhere along the path of human existence
we have tried to make the experience of knowing God too
After you have your initial spiritual growth spurt,
you will find that things are going to slow down to some
degree. At least the newness wears off and life will
begin to settle out and back into somewhat of a routine,
although you will never be the same or see the world in
the same way that you have.

This basically happened for me from 1998 to 2003.

Then in February of 2004 I got one of those rubber
meets the road phone calls. In other words, Mike, now
you get to see just how deep your knowing really goes.
And you get to examine where you are and if you are
really able to live that which you think you have woven
into your personality.
The phone call was from Carol telling me that our
daughter Jenny was being taken to the Emergency room
at the hospital by her husband and that she had just had
a seizure. I raced to be by her side and give her the reassurance that she would be supported in this time of need.
After running a battery of tests it was determined that
Jenny had a brain tumor about the size of a golf ball.
So here you are. You get this news and what do you
do, what do you say? While we were in the waiting room
I turned to Carol and said, What are you getting? To
those who have gone through hundreds of spiritual experiences together, that line means, I know you have tapped
in, I can see it in your eyes; so what are you getting? What
is the Spirit telling you?
She said, I have a calm that it will be okay, how
about you? The same I said. In fact this is going
to be a good growing experience for all of us; we havent
had one of these for a while and I am looking forward to
the growth no matter how it turns out. That must have
sounded a bit calloused to my wife, for she didnt seem to
have my enthusiasm for the growth. Thank you Father,
there are those more tender-hearted than myself and Carol
is one of them.
The doctors in our area concluded that this tumor

was inoperable and that Chemotherapy and Radiation were

her options. Feeling the need for a second opinion, the
Huntsman Institute for Cancer Research in Salt Lake was
contacted and the doctors there said an operation was a
viable alternative. They did however say that they wanted
to wait and watch the tumor for a couple of months and
monitor the growth.
In May, Jenny was operated on and they took out a
tumor a little larger than a golf ball. After the operation
I went to each of the kids and asked them how they were
feeling about what was going on. I wanted their opinions
and to understand what they were feeling inside. Each
felt good, but I could feel the nervousness they were going
through for what the future may hold.
During the summer, Jenny, her sisters and mom, developed a bond that would forever change their lives. I watched
as they developed a sisterhood that I was almost jealous of.
They even went so far as to each get a little tattoo to remind
them of the oneness they had found in each other. It was
and is a closeness that they still hold to.
In October of that year, Jenny went back in for
another MRI and the results were very good. No sign of
the tumor and the little stringers that were left showed no
signs of growth. I think that we all felt relieved that this
was passing and our lives started to get back to a more
normal routine.
We went through Christmas and all seemed to be
well. Then in the first part of February, Jenny started to
display some strange behavior. Her husband contacted
us immediately and on the 10th of the month she went
back in for another MRI.

When the results came back the doctors just shook

their heads. The once benign tumor had transformed into
a rapidly expanding malignant growth which had almost
extended to every part of her brain. The doctors said that
the only hope she had was for massive doses of radiation
to stop the growth and try to destroy the tumor. This
Jenny was not willing to do.
Three days later Jenny went into respiratory failure
and a coma, but because she was in the hospital at the
time they were able to put her on a respirator immediately. I watched as the family rallied around each other and
prayed for Jenny and peace. To describe the feelings you
go through under these conditions is hard. You think you
are prepared for such things, but until its in your face you
really dont know if all your mental and spiritual learning
will kick in.
Tears flowed as we watched what seemed to be a rapid
shutdown of Jennys body. The little angel we all loved so
dearly was struggling with each breath of life. I tried to
calmly call upon my Father for strength, but I was missing
her already and I hurt inside. To see her suffer was heartbreaking. For the moment I decided to give my strength
and encouragement to the rest of the family. I knew that
my Father would explain the details when I was ready to
move on. Now I felt a need to help those who didnt understand, to at least know of my love for them.
The day after Jenny went on the respirator I had
another one of those life-changing experiences that bring
you back to an understanding of how thin the veil really
is. As I was driving home from the hospital on Saturday
night, I heard Jennys voice. Suddenly and without any

warning or feeling I just heard her blurt out, Dad, you

have to stop worrying about me.
What? I said.
Theyre telling me that if you dont stop worrying
about me it is going to affect your health.
Surprised I said Who are they?
She then said, There are people here who are helping
me and they told me to tell you that if you dont stop
worrying about me it will affect your health.
Yes, but who are they? For some reason I was
more interested in who was telling her this than what the
message was.
She said that there were people there who were
showing her things and that they had helped her feel better
about what was happening. It didnt seem like she knew
them, but she was very comfortable with what they were
doing. She told me again not to worry and that the people
working with her said to tell me that in three days there
were would be a significant change and that we would
know what to do when that change came.
She gave me no further explanation of what that
change would be and I didnt feel I should ask. She also
mentioned that she was able to enter and leave her body,
but that it was hard to stay in it because it hurt to be there.
Then she said You wont believe who I have met while
I have been here. Its Jordan, and he is nothing like you
remember him.
Jordan was a neighbor boy who lived across the street
and had taken his own life. He and Jenny were close in age
and Jenny had gotten to know Jordan and his mother very
well. We felt that this was quite an accomplishment, for

Jordan struggled with life and relationships. His personality was one that seemed to shut the world out no matter
how hard you tried to get to know him.
Jenny said, Dad, he is so full of life and smiles and
jokes. You would not recognize him.
I said Oh Jenny, I am so glad. Ill be sure and tell his
parents. They would love to hear that.
With that Jenny said I love you Dad, and then she
was gone.
It was so good to hear her voice, but I was missing her
and my heart ached for the pain I knew that she was going
through when she was back in her body.
That night I got home and shared the whole story
with my family. It seemed to bring them some peace but
they were still apprehensive of the future.
We visited Jenny the next three days and very little
changed. When she first went into respiratory failure
you could squeeze her and she would move, but as the
days went by she became less and less responsive. On the
third day after her visit with me, we were told by the nurse
that Jenny had made a significant change. These were
the very words Jenny had said to me and they rang in my
ears like someone was beating a drum. Unfortunately the
change was not for the better.
Jenny had contracted pneumonia and her lungs were
filling with fluid. If they didnt keep pumping her lungs free
of the liquid she would drown in her own body fluids.
Her husband finally consented to take Jenny off of
the respirator on Wednesday the 18th of February and four
hours later she just stopped breathing.
A few minutes later I was sitting by her bed with my

sister on the other side and my dad at the end. Then I had
another one of those experiences that change you forever.
As we sat in silence I looked down at Jennys face and
gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then I heard her speak again,
but the words were not coming from where her body was,
but from her Spirit which was standing next to my dad.
She said, Dad, you are so silly. Thats not me.
As I looked up and saw her, she smiled and started to
chuckle. This brought a smile to my face and I started to
laugh as well. Then I realized that my dad and sister were
not in on the little joke and I must have looked very disrespectful. When Jenny realized this, she laughed the more
and I became even further embarrassed than I already was.
Trying to explain my behavior to my dad wasnt too
hard, but my sister looked at me like I had lost all my
marbles. Still, I knew that Jenny was fine and that she was
now free of the suffering she had been in. Thank you
again Father for the enlightening experiences which have
always brought peace to my heart.




Conclusion and Summary

It has taken me several years to live through the experiences you have just read and almost as long to write them
down. I will be forever grateful for each and every learning
I have gone through, though others may say I have paid
quite a price. With it all I have realized one great lesson,
GOD IS LOVE. That love is not shrouded in doctrines
and pomp or ceremony, but is unconditional and neverending. The pomp and ceremony is there to help us see
what God is not, if we will only look deeply and be honest
with ourselves.
If we can sincerely stop and look at life from this
very moment, not using the past or the future as a gauge
of where we think we should be, then are we able to step
into Gods time and feel the complete peace that God is.
Here is the space where only joy and ecstasy exist, where
the euphoria of existence goes beyond description. It is the
place where the love of God is shed forth in unlimited
Gods love is not reserved for a selective few, such as
the rich or poor, the bound or free, the righteous or the
sinner. It simply comes with no strings attached to every
being ever created. It is given to all regardless of whether

we recognize it or not. We are the ones that place the limitations on Gods love. We are the ones who keep setting up
the parameters that we think God has to live within. We
are the ones that try to make God exclusively bound to our
religion or our way of thinking.
To define God is difficult because it encompasses so
much. But this I can say, (speaking from my own perspective which I will always admit keeps growing and changing);
My Father in Heaven, the one that I have grown to know
so well, is the creator of the individual known as Mike
Rigby. Each of us is connected to our Creator or Heavenly
Father by a natural unseen bond which is stronger than
any earthly power that exists. This is a bond of love which
from your Fathers side can not be broken nor does He ever
see it as broken. It has always existed and it will continue
to exist forever.
Through my development with my Father I have been
taught that there are many individuals that have progressed
to the point of being able to go home and there participate
in the creation of spirit personalities or spirit offspring,
as my Father did with me. Thus there are many fathers/
mothers in Heaven and not one that I feel more bonded
to than the rest. Each of these beings acts on the same
principles of love or they cannot create as a father/mother
does. At this point we should try to take gender out of the
picture because with all that I have seen, it does not exist
on that level as we know it here.
I have seen that the creation ability of my Father is
directly tied to the amount of Light and Love which he
generates. This Light, like all light, pulses or vibrates, but
at a frequency that is far faster or higher than we in the

flesh comprehend. It is because of this extremely refined

existence that they have the ability to do things that you
and I think we cannot do. Whether that is the ultimate
state and glory (joy) I am seeking I cannot say, but I know
within myself that I still have work to do to achieve that
level in its entirety. If there is something beyond that; then
so much the better.
In other words, even with all that I have learned and
with all that I have experienced, I do not yet emanate the
level of love that I have witnessed from my Father and
from Jesus, although I am closer now than ever before. I
do know that it is possible to do it in this life. Jesus did it,
many others have done it, and you and I are totally capable
of doing the same.
If I were to write volumes of books on spirituality
and learning to know God and our higher self, there will
never be anything that I can tell you that will be more
important than these three words, Seek this Jesus. He is
the way you will find your Father in Heaven. He is the one
with the role of bringing you to a greater understanding
of what this life is all about. Most of what you read about
Jesus is tainted by the filter systems of the men that have
tried to describe Him. The problem is not that they are
trying to deceive you, but that words will never describe an
experience that can only be felt with your heart.
Even my trying to describe Him now will fall short
as all men do who have tried to explain something so all
encompassing. Much of what you read is only a small
sampling of the truth that is available. And by the same
token, much of what we have been taught as truth is not,
or at least it is a low level of understanding of truth.

During the course of my lifes path I have grown to

love the Lord in a way that is difficult to explain. Perhaps
His own words will do better, Become one with me as I
am one with the Father. To know them is to be one with
them. To understand what is truly important and what
is superficial in life will give you a purpose and a life of
You will learn from Jesus how to express divine
uncon-ditional love under ALL conditions. And when you
have developed that special intimacy with Him, He will
reveal to you the personal struggles and weakness that He
overcame while in the flesh. Then you will see Him as
the true brother that He is and you will see everyone else
in exactly the same way. Only then will you understand
why it is said that He learned line upon line, precept upon
precept. His struggle was the same as yours and mine. Yet
He was able to focus so well on the divine nature within
that He overcame all things.
My understanding and learning of Jesus progressed in
several steps and evolved over a period of time. I have written
these steps down only in hopes that you can gain from my
experience a closeness to Him that will help you achieve the
relationship with Him that will be fulfilling for you.
1. Was Jesus for real? I wanted to know if He really
walked the world 2000 years ago or was He a myth. This
question was a basic yes or no.
2. What was He like? I tried to find out all that I could
about his personality. It was hard here to separate the fact
from the fiction. When people want to see him a certain
way they end up painting a picture of Him that is skewed
in their favor. This I tried to avoid but found that turning

within was the only real way to get a true picture. Having
said that, I am aware that the mosaic I have put together of
Him to you, is my interpretation and I can only hope that
you can see past my human frailties to the true intent.
3. I began to worship Him! This was the longest step
and turned out to be the plateau I find most Christians still
on. So much emphasis has been placed on the man and
His perfectness which of course no one else has that
moving beyond this one is a bigger push than most people
are willing to do.
4. Through worshiping Him, (and letting go of
worship) I felt the peace that His spirit brings! Although
it was always there, it became more intense and I learned to
draw myself into it. By learning to see Him with the same
struggles as you and I have, He taught me confidence that
I could do the same. When you learn to take Him off the
pedestal of perfection He has been placed on, and see Him in
the reality of respect He deserves, things will start to move.
5. I heard His voice! The moment that I passed that
threshold, my life changed forever. At that point I knew
that I could never again trust or follow what others told
me about Himfor I was now drinking from the source of
the spring of life, and not downstream where others had
muddied the water. He expanded my understanding and
my learning accelerated by 100-fold.
6 I felt His Love! This is the same as His peace only
much more intense and unforgettable. Although there is
nowhere we can go or be where God is not, when you feel
his love you will instinctively know He is nearby.
7 I felt His form! Here I placed my arms around Him
and we hugged as two long parted friends for indeed we

were. I wept as did He at the joy of being back together.

Through His tender, gentle and patient manner my
consciousness had been transformed to where He would
not withhold himself from me.
8. I stood in His glory! You can only wonder at what
His majesty is until you stand beside Him and feel the
magnitude and power of His Light. I have never felt any
experience to compare with it. I doubt I will ever be able
to explain it beyond what I have already said.
9. We walked together! He introduced me to my
Father and I learned that I was to continue to step out in
faith and live a life to bring to pass the eternal progression
of man, by being an example as Jesus is an example.
As a testimony to His divinity, I bear you my witness
that HE LIVES. I have met Him and talked with Him. I
have felt His love and Light penetrate through every cell
of my body with a joy which can only be experienced. He
does not seek your worship of Him but your love of Him,
a love of what He stands for and a love of all mankind.
If this history in some small way has helped you to feel
of that divine love which comes from God, then let that
spark of light work within you until it permeates from you
as from Him.
If this is what you want, it will take letting go of the
traditions of your past. Lip service will not turn the key
in the lock which opens the veilonly an honest setting
aside of all that you thought was important, so that you
can step into His space with a broken heart and a contrite
spirit. At that point one becomes teachable. Then He will
lead and guide you to the divine son ship, father ship and
Godhood, which is your eternal destiny. May you have the

courage and inner fortitude to step out in faith and place

your hand in the hand of Him who overcame all things, is
my hope and prayer for you the reader of my history.