Spine: 25.7mm
The
Light
on the
Water
An unforgettable,
aching, magical read.
TONI JORDAN
FICTION
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The
Light
e
Water
OLGA LORENZO
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C009448
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the
authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events,
locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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In the months before her arrest, Anne Baxter had many hours
to think about the future. As she dusted Aidas bedroom yet
again, or repaired the last few items of childrens clothing in
the mending basket, or furtively watered her parched garden,
images of prison flashed through her mind. They left her as
restless as a trappedmoth.
Almost always these visions began with someone slumped
on a bench, hands dangling between slack knees, face shrouded
by a hank of hair. Sometimes it was a man, but more often it
was a woman.
Of course it could be a woman.
Steel bars soared into the heights and metal clanked in the
distance. A guard sauntered by, his waist bristling with weapons.
The guard taunted the prisoner. Afterwards his footsteps echoed
down the corridor, the sound serving to remind everyone that
this was forever and ever and ever.
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Its a still November day, a high, clear sky. The bush shimmers
in the heat and light glints on the gums. Quartz crystals sparkle
underfoot. But theres also something sombrethe birdcalls are
muted. Tea-tree roots reach through the earth like the skeletal
hands of the dead.
Anne used to make up stories about those ossified hands
as she and Hannah walked along these tracks, back when Han
was young and wanted spooky tales.
She looks at her other daughter, Aida, scampering just ahead,
her attention snared by a clump of wombat droppings here, some
lichen there, sometimes by nothing at all as far as Anne can tell.
Aida is six. Shes special. Thats how they put it, these days.
And in fact, although Anne dislikes such words, she does feel
her daughter is exceptionalshes just hard put to say in exactly
what way. She watches Aida stumble, then lurch forward. Theres
a small damp patch between her narrow shoulders.
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Anne wipes sweat from her own eyes and pauses to readjust
the pack, hoisting it off her back. She searches for her childs
dark head. Aida has walked in the bush other times, day walks
in the Dandenongs and along the Great Ocean Road. And
theyve camped by the carthey did it last night. Shed thought
a short overnight walk, just three hours to Sealers Cove, would
be manageable.
Shes no longer so sure. She doesnt look away from her,
is careful to ensure Aida is never more than a few paces in
front. But the little girl isnt burdened by a pack. Annes is too
heavy. Shes less fit than shed thought. This brief stop, barely a
moments pause, and already the gap between them has widened.
Aida, walk with me, Anne calls. Come here, sweetheart.
She racks her mind for some inducement to bring her closer.
Aida doesnt like her hand held at the best of times. Let me tell
you a story, Anne offers.
She says this, but she knows no words can hold this daughters
attention. In fact, Aida isnt listening. Shes clutching Sealy to
her chest, the ragged toys long ribbon dragging behind her like
a tail. Shes darting forward, her sneakers pounding the path,
increasing the distance between herself and her mother.
Anne attempts a slight jog but shes too encumbered. Then
the path turns, and then quickly twists again. She loses sight
of Aida. The pack bounces on her sore shoulders. She wishes
she had dressed her daughter in brighter colours. Aidas grey
t-shirt disappears in the scrub.
Has she done anything right, from the moment Robert left,
and she began contemplating this walk?
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Almost a year and a half after the walk, Anne is increasingly
held in the cold gaze of those who are certain they know her,
and know what happened to Aida.
Women who used to invite her around for coffee now clump
together outside the supermarket and, like sly schoolgirls, stop
speaking as she walks by. Neighbours who have asked her in
for Christmas drinks are distracted by the weeds in their lawns.
In the health food shop, the friendly attendant disappears out
the back.
Her phone rings but no one speaks. Parents pull their children closer as she walks past.
Can that be right? Or are they just politely making room
as they do for everyone? Perhaps shes seeing things that
arentthere.
Youre never as interesting to others as you think, Robert
used to tell her. It was meant to be a corrective to her social
anxietyshe shouldnt worry about what people thought of her,
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as they didnt spend that much time thinking about her anyway.
Maybe shes still exaggerating their interest, and their judgements.
But who is she kidding? Nothing remotely similar has ever
happened before in this neighbourhood.
f
She spends her days on the net, doing whatever she can to keep
people interested in the search. More often than not her efforts
seem fruitless and she doesnt sleep well. Tonight is one of those
nights. She wakes in the mad stillness of three in the morning,
sure shes heard the police shuffling on the porch. Arguing over
who should lift the knocker. Shes roused by a scrap of their
talk. Wake her, Warren, one of them says.
She lies motionless, straining to hear, certain they are there.
Recalling the police car that cruised past her house that morning.
Shed been bent over the garden and had looked up, nodding, but
the policewoman on the passenger side had looked through her.
Maybe they were just cruising the neighbourhood. But thats
not how it felt.
Breathless, she waits for the knock. Wondering why shes
stalled so long about getting a lawyer. Denial. Shes been in
denial. Its not something she can afford any longer.
The minutes multiply towards an hour. The only sound is
a dry susurrus, possibly the trees on the foreshore, but just
as likely the echoes of her neighbours gossip lingering in the
night air.
So much crowds in on her then that she gives up trying to
sleep. She stays in bed, attempting to figure out where the weeks
went, how they could have flashed by with so little to show.
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lingered too close to the slits between the nursery and the rest
of the tank. The goldfish is the largest fish, and the most vital
in his obese way. But she also examines the cold-water catfish,
who she knows is not delicate or well-mannered.
These days she wakes at night worrying. If shes lucky,
worrying about the fish. Ridiculous, she knows. But its easier
to worry about fish, and less likely to keep her awake allnight.
Easier to think about lost minnows than about her own
lostchild.
f
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times, however fleeting, when she let herself think that she
would do almost anything for a moments respite.
f
Shes putting her groceries into the Forester when she sees Gladys
mincing towards her in her high heels. Anne has known her
for years, since their kids were in school together. She supposes
she was once a friend, of sorts, at least back when Hannah
was young. Until Gladyss sons bullied Aida. She wonders how
she can avoid the woman but her heart is hammering and her
mindclouds.
Gladyss youngest was the only child Anne has ever seen
change his own nappy, unfolding it and placing it under himself
on the floor, taking his dummy out of his mouth to better
concentrate on the sticky tabs. All of Gladyss boys will make
their ruthless way in the world. Theyre mostly grown now, but
Gladys remains in the mansion she managed to cling to in her
divorce settlement after her ex absconded to Perth.
Oh, Anne, have you been shopping? Gladys calls, stretching
out shopping as if it were some secret, nefarious activity. Shes
in tight jeans that dont quite meet her fluoro green t-shirt.
Mascara clumps her eyelids like sleep. Everything she says
is infused with innuendo, everything she does has a sexual
undercurrent. It once made Anne laugh; there arent so many
characters in their staid neighbourhood. But Gladys stopped
being amusing when she refused to do anything about her sons
attitude to Aida.
Yes, Anne answers shortly, and then reminds herself that she
has to make more of an effort with people. Shes not winning
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any hearts lately. But How are you, Gladys? is all she can think
to say, and its not the right tack.
Im fine. How are you? Gladys assumes her version of a
warm and caring look. In a benevolent moment, Annes mother
would have called her a scrubber. As far as Anne knows, all
that Gladys has done since her divorce is to sip wine with her
girlfriends by her swimming pool and flirt with their husbands.
Anne searches for her sunglasses. When she doesnt answer,
Gladys shakes her head, making a long, supposedly commiserating ooh sound.
Anne pushes her sunglasses onto her face and puts a hand
on the Foresters door.
How is Hannah holding up? Gladys asks, and Anne cant
win. She cant say that Hannah is fine. That would make
Hannah sound indifferent and callous. But neither can she
admit anything that will be pawed over in the cafe.
Shes trying to concentrate on uni, Anne says. Shes been
working on a filmIve inherited her unemployed actors.
Theyve come to live with me.
Thats nice, Gladys says.
Anne isnt going to explain that the unemployed actors are
the fish in the aquarium, a prop in a film for a course. You
know how to keep fish, Mum, Hannah said. It will give you
something to do was tactfully left unspoken.
Gladys is still staring. Anne imagines her small mind
whirring, trying to think how to deliver her coup de grce.
Desperate to get away, Anne scratches around in her bag for her
car keys, remembering Gladyss sons cruel taunting of Aida.
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Boys will be boys, Gladys claimed when Anne spoke to her about
it. There was a cold glint in her eye.
She manages to get into the car. But before she can start the
engine, Gladys says it. I saw your name in the paper the other
day. She waits, goggle-eyed.
Anne isnt about to answer.
It must be hard to lose a kid like that, Gladys coos, as if
she were speaking to a lover. You just cant take your eyes off
them, huh? Especially when Aida was, you know ... whats it
called? Autistic. She smirks at Anne. This is not the sort of word
Gladys normally uses and, like a teenager, shes uncomfortable
with it. What she probably says to her friends is that Aida was
retarded. Thats more the sort of word Gladys would use.
Anne stares up at her. You dont know what youre talking
about, she says.
What do you mean? Gladys assumes a confused tone.
Wasnt Aida lost?
Anne might have been tempted to slap her if she werent
already seated. What do you know about autism? she says.
Gladys grins vacantly and shrugs but wont look away.
You really have no idea, do you? Anne continues. Then she
stops herself. Aida did have problems, of course she did. But
shes not going to canvass them, especially not with Gladys.
I guess you cant believe everything you read in the newspapers, huh? Gladys says.
No, you cant, Anne snaps. And promptly feels another stab
of disloyalty. Her first real job was as a reporter for the Age. In
her dreams shes sometimes still working there, but then her
dreams lag as much as ten years behind her waking life. She
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