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Reviewers: Ariana Lodico, Leah Hampton, Lucas Marcondes

Writer: Nadiah Rayyes

Peer Review: Photographic Memory Narrative

Directions: Please respond to the following questions in as much detail as possible.
Writers: list two or three questions or concerns you have about your draft that youd
like to discuss with your group. (Reviewers: Be sure to address these questions
What can I do better?

What did you like the least?

1. Does the narrative have conflict or tension? Remember, we want to share the
complex, messy realities of our experience, not the Instagram version. Explain.
Expand my discomfort on the Grey Hound.
2. Are you persuaded to sympathize with the narrator (the writer)? Have they
crafted themselves into complex characters, or do they feel flat and vague?
Provide examples from the text and explain.
Talk about myself more, there is much feeling in the paper.
3. Are there any ideas or phrases that strike you as well-worn or clich? Is the essay
turning the familiar on its head or should these phrases be reworked so they are
striking and novel?
Clichs were humorous.
4. In our practice Peer Review, we discussed how the author was summarizing her
experience, rather than slowing down and crafting a narrative. We concluded that
what she had written wasnt the story she needed to tell. Do the storys
constraintsits framing, what includes and leaves outfeel comfortable? Would
a narrower version of the story be more effective? Explain.
It was definitely a story, give my boyfriend more of a character.
Concrete Details
5. Point out places where the writer effectively uses concrete, sensory details to
illuminate their characters or setting. Why are these so powerful?
Claiming the frozen smile and the grey hound experience.
Strength of Introduction and Conclusion
6. Does the introduction/hook create genuine interest? Does it fall into the trap of
being vague context, and the story really begins in the second paragraph or
later? Why?
The story does start on the second paragraph but the first paragraph sets me up.
7. Does the essay illustrate the writers revelation or evolution? How?
No, work on that.

Most Successful Passage

8. Choose a passage (1-4 sentences) and explain why it is successful.
The part where my boyfriend had to keep a frozen smile.
9. Long sentences are fine if they move well, but point out any parts that seem
choppy or pretentious (needlessly esoteric or verbose).
10. Dont do a complete editing job, but do point out the most distracting slips in
usage and mechanics.
Giving my boyfriend more of a character and describing the food!
11. Note any other questions or feedback you have for the writer here. This is
important: since every paper is unique, they will each have their own successes
and concerns that may not be addressed above.
Next Steps
12. Work with the writer to devise a plan for revision. Summarize the writers next steps
Working on being a little more descriptive in some areas.

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